I was talking to a girlfriend about how you could divide everyone in the world into people who do or do not have a crush on Alan Rickman and she agreed, saying, “Oh he’s hot. I would totes swipe right for him.”
And I was like, “Ew. You should already be wiping right. Do you not wipe unless you think you’re going to get lucky? Because that’s how you get a urinary tract infection.”
Turns out that she said she’d “swipe right” which is apparently what you do on the Tinder dating app when you like someone’s picture and are interested in them. That made more sense but I can’t help but think that maybe some of these people are single because of communication issues like this where you never have a second date because the person thinks you don’t wipe correctly. Long story short, I think Tinder is trying to keep people single in order to keep up demand for their product.
PS. Please wipe correctly.
PPS. Also, stop using the word “totes.” Unless you’re using it ironically. Or you’re talking about plural tote bags.