I did not order that.

I just ordered Chinese delivery but I had questions when it arrived because…um…

steamed dump

And the delivery guy was like “Are you sure?” and I was all, “Yeah.  I’m pretty sure I’d remember if I ordered a steamed dump.”  But turns out that I did order that.  Because it’s steamed dumplings.  It’s also a perfect example of why abbreviations are sometimes a really bad idea.

Also, Victor just pointed out that the steamed dump is literally a #2 on the menu so maybe I shouldn’t be surprised if I order a #2 and a steamed dump showed up at the door.  He has a point but I’m pretty sure Victor needs to stop blaming the victim.

108 replies. read them below or add one

  1. I assume that the food is now sitting in the refrigerator while you wait for your appetite to return?

    Like

    Daddy Scratches recently posted Who’s ready for another fun tale about me fucking up a long-awaited vacation?.

  2. HAHHAHAHAHA…. That’s ridiculous. I always order mine fried.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Don’t eat it, though.

    Like

  4. Oh my goodness – I’m totally laughing out loud. Maybe they ought to take a look at their receipts, and consider a new abbreviation for steamed dumplings? Too funny.

    Like

  5. I bought “gourmet crack” at the store once. Or I thought I did. Turns out it was gourmet crackers. Waaayyyyy better than steamed dump.

    Like

    Shelley J recently posted My spirit animal is a hibernating bear..

  6. Unless you’re REALLY hungry

    Like

    Michelle recently posted How To Tell If A Designer Bag Is Authentic.

  7. It could have been worse – you could be a rogue shitter (see the funniest thing I’ve read besides your blog in forever – http://www.vice.com/en_ca/read/someone-did-a-shit-so-bad-a-british-airways-flight-had-to-turn-around-and-land-475)

    Like

  8. Good thing you didn’t order the Plum Fuki wine!

    Like

    Janet Coburn recently posted What Were They Thinking? (Toilet Edition).

  9. Angry Dump sounds better.

    Like

  10. I’ve stopped ordering shit special because the amount of PISSY that I get when they don’t do what I ask overrules me just scraping the mayo off my burger….

    Like

  11. As long as it doesn’t come out of the box like a ‘steaming dump’ with flies buzzing around, I’d eat it.

    Like

    terib19 recently posted Looks Like I Picked the Wrong Week to Quit Antidepressants....

  12. I thought the Steamed Dump was what happened after you ate all of that.

    Like

  13. Let us know how it all came out!😉

    Like

  14. I just DIED! OMG. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!

    Like

    Cary Vaughn recently posted Acting Tip: Don’t Accidentally Offend Your Audience.

  15. Abbreviations can be very bad ideas. My job is analysis. Abbreviating that just isn’t worth it.

    Like

  16. I totally DID order a Steamed Dump but it’s been two days and nothing.. perhaps I need to up my fiber?

    Like

  17. Forget the steamed dump, what’s a cheese rango? Apparently I’m not up on my Chinese food.

    Like

    kdcol recently posted The reluctant everything.

  18. Too funny!!!

    Like

  19. What is a cheese rango?!

    Like

    AmberLynn Pappas recently posted Big New Things Coming.

  20. LOL thanks for the laugh I needed it

    Like

  21. that is why I hate abbreviations on receipts.

    Like

  22. I work for a school and a principal sent out a note regarding cumulative folders for end of year and she wrote “cum folders”. GROSS!

    Like

  23. I’m more weirded out by the fact that they actually punched in “chopsticks” after each order. Isn’t that just standard?

    Like

  24. It’s either an abbreviated cheese rangoon, or a sequel to that Lizard in a Western movie that Johnny Depp did a few years ago. Now, with more cheese!

    Like

    Tragic Sandwich recently posted Lifelong Learning.

  25. If its steaming, at least you know its fresh.

    Like

  26. Apparently at your swankier places, you can order Gordon Ramsay Poo:

    Like

  27. I have had my job description shortened from financial analyst to FIN ANAL. I care about fins, but not that much.

    Like

    notquiteold recently posted The Bummerbrag.

  28. My family and I went out to eat at restaurant the other day. When we got the ticket, it claimed he’d had whale. I was totally baffled because he had catfish. Turns out the owner’s son calls two filets whale and one filet a minnow. It made for a great FB post though.

    Like

  29. A steamed dump is probably really healthy. Cleansing and all that.

    Like

  30. 30
    @shthisisme

    Could be worse. Could be STD DUMP. Lesser of 2 evils? Listen, Chinese Food Establishment, just splurge for wider paper, or use two lines for each item to avoid situations like this. Or hire a proofreader.
    It really does look accusing in bold capitals.

    Like

  31. Great. Now I’m hungry. THANKS.

    Like

  32. I keep getting receipts from the grocery store with ” pot chips” listed – are those a thing?!?! They must be, and I have a pot chip problem. No wonder I’m so calm.

    Like

  33. Does it let me post a picture? I went all Austin Powers (which is good because I was stuck on Rango for a while)

    Like

    Brian recently posted Redrum was just a tiny part.

  34. My husband has a picture of sale sign at Target giving the price of “sparkly doll ass.” I think ass was the abbreviation for assortment (sparkly dressed dolls in the toy dept), but we didn’t really investigate. An employee walked by as we were childishly giggling and taking pictures of it – we pointed it out to him and he said “I think we should charging more for that” and also took a pic of it. But then removed it. We assume to fix it…

    Like

  35. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha….gasp….snort…..too awesome….lol….

    Like

  36. “This entry was posted in Random Crap.” Now the office is looking at me like I’M the one with a problem!

    Like

  37. After my dad had a stroke, I signed up for a newsletter from the National Stroke Association to learn more about how to care for him. The abbreviated subject line of the email is: National Stroke Ass. My dad has since passed on, but I’m sure he would be glad that he was responsible for me joining that group.

    Like

  38. I’m with everyone else asking what Cheese Rango is; what is Cheese Rango?!

    (Cheese rangoon. And now I’m craving them again. ~ Jenny)

    Like

    May recently posted Unicorns, Castles and Pixie Dust.

  39. I think you’re rubbing off on Victor if he noticed that the steamed dump is a number two before you did.😄

    Like

  40. One consultant I used a few jobs ago would write “cum total” instead of cumulative total on their reports. Just make your column a teensy bit wider please so you can avoid writing cum on a client document.

    Like

  41. Stan Kelly-Bootle in “The Devil’s DP Dictionary” (1981):

    “Neglect of the subtle art of curtation has probably alienated more people than any other aspect of data processing. You order Mozart’s ‘Don Giovanni’ from your record club, and they invoice you $24.95 for MOZ DONG.”

    Like

  42. When I was little, I thought the Pu Pu Platter was literally a “Poo Poo Platter”. A platter of poop.

    Like

  43. That’s priceless. I hope you enjoyed eating the steamed dump. Mmm…I’m seeing water vapour swirling about coming off it in the cold air of the kitchen😉

    Like

    Gary Lum recently posted Quinoa cooked in lamb fat.

  44. HAHAHA what a way to work up an appetite

    Like

  45. I am a bit more concerned that you are eating Rango. That is just rude, and really, I don’t think Geckos are all that tasty. Though now that I think of it, is Rango a gecko? These are important questions. http://www.thewrap.com/images/2010/07/Rango.jpg

    Like

  46. At a previous job, my title was Analytical Services Manager. They liked to abbreviate the first word to just the first four letters… What does that job description say again??

    Like

  47. I am an assistant at a large company and one of my esteemed colleagues put me on the org chart as ‘Executive Ass’. Um no.

    Like

  48. Oh abbreviatons, gotta love them. I used to buy a particular soda simply because the receipt always abbreviated the name to “Feeling Lime Men”. It didn’t even taste that good, but the funny made up for it.

    Like

  49. And I thought the “Pu Pu platter” at our local place was off-putting, lol

    Like

  50. 50
    Mary, Fairy Godmother

    I just love the two of you.

    Like

  51. I’m just impressed that you’re eating with chopsticks… at home, even, with no strangers around to impress.

    Like

  52. And here I thought I was having a shitty day.

    Like

    Sandy the Fearless Scribe recently posted The joint's hoppin' today.

  53. I guarantee you that your new puppy will be excited about the steamed dump.

    Like

    Gina W. recently posted Pokiehontas and Tootie McTootiepants (not typos!).

  54. hee hee number two hee hee I’m four years old.

    Like

    Ashleigh recently posted Wait, this isn't depression.........?.

  55. I work in the department in a retail store where they set all those abbreviations. Some of the fun ones I’ve seen… “End Species Raspberry” (for Endangered Species Raspberry Chocolate Bars), “Previously Frozen Sock” (Sockeye Salmon), and “Whipped Butt” (whipped butter). My all time favorite though was the assistant manager who put up a sign without proofreading it. It said, “We are out of _______ Skim Milk. We are substituting _____ Skim Milk. We apologize for the incontinence.” Most people had to read that last one a few times before they caught it. That one was up all weekend. It was awesome.

    Like

  56. Haha!! I can’t believe it was #2 on the menu! Too much!

    Like

    Punky Coletta recently posted Do you Etsy?.

  57. 57
    Onlypartlydumb

    On a golf trip with a girl friend in Ireland. At checkout from the quaint inn after three nights, the bill said under each date “Room – 2. Meal – 2. Cock -2”. For single girls on a road trip, we thought that was pretty great room service. But that could have just been the “Cock” tails talking.

    Like

  58. 58
    The Crabby Editor

    Oh, Jenny. I love you so!

    Like

  59. My local Chinese place offers Crap Puffs. Yes, really. And they don’t even have the excuse of “abbreviating,” since it was on the menu, not the receipt. Yum.

    Like

  60. 60
    ocularnervosa

    Wait, did that say Duck Sauce or……never mind.

    Like

  61. Read this post then went into the grocery store. Staring at me from the “As Seen on TV” shelf were two cookbooks: Dump Desserts and Dump Dinners. Maybe you need those.

    Like

    kstewand4cats recently posted Happy St. Patrick’s Day…Buy This Unrelated T-Shirt.

  62. Yeah, seriously, why didn’t you order fried dump? In my opinion and experience, the fried dumplings are superior to the steamed ones, which just seem to glom apart in the carton. The Cheese Rango, though, that’s aces.

    Like

    Jen Donohue recently posted Finding those random story notes (illustrated with Supernatural gifs).

  63. What the hell kind of restaurants are you eating at?

    Like

    Karen Marie Peterson recently posted More Reasons Why I Unfollowed Your Blog.

  64. I’m home today being suffocated with my own snot and feeling xtra crappy, because I feel more people should be suffering along side me. But this made me feel better, thanks!

    Like

  65. This made my night! Thank you for sharing…and only you would have this happen!

    Like

  66. Being as the steaming dump issue has been covered, let’s chat about the “chicken” that comes complete with order of sesame…I can almost picture you chasing a live chicken around the fridge as sesame is being tossed in the air about the chaos! : )

    Like

    damschrj recently posted The Caper of the Missing Pen.

  67. If I ever have a restaurant, I’m so making steamed dumps number two. I think customers need more freak outs in their lives, right?

    Like

  68. As Joe Pesci said to Mel Gibson and Danny Glover in Lethal Weapon, they fuck you at the drive thru. I guess when you order delivery they shit on you. I love that your husband connected the number two to the whole experience. My husband, the movie aficionado, helped me remember which movie that line came from. Husbands. They’re always good for something

    Like

    Sheila Blanchette recently posted A St. Patrick’s Day Phone Call.

  69. And after I posted that, I noticed you put it in Random Crap.

    Like

    Sheila Blanchette recently posted A St. Patrick’s Day Phone Call.

  70. I worked for a health care company that decided to abbreviate our state counties to four letters because of space issues in the system. DuPage became DuPa or butt in Polish. Yeah, someone didn’t think that one out.

    Like

  71. So you wanted the brown rice, not the white?

    Like

  72. Talk about bad abbreviations, my students take “Math Anal.” I think that’s got to be one of the least comfortable ways to learn math.

    Like

  73. Even worse, the Engrish sign for the Analyst-Therapist. The portmanteau business title was, yes, “Anal-Rapist.”

    Like

  74. Butt Squash. My local store’s abbreviation for butternut squash. There are more – I think whoever’s job it is to load up the scanner/receipt maker has fun with it at times. Our garlic was once labeled ‘antivampire’.

    Like

    Nomads By Nature recently posted Moving Right Along: With A New Blog Site and A New Post Assignment.

  75. Jenny, I just adore you.

    Like

  76. I know you’ve already addressed the other abbreviation, but I keep picturing a cartoon lizard voiced by Johnny Depp made of cheese…

    Like

  77. This made me laugh so hard I almost had my own steamed dump.

    Like

  78. In college, the cafeteria used to put the abbreviation “Baked Pot” for baked potatoes. I still laugh when I think about it because we thought it was SO BAD! And now, I’m crying and shaking from trying not to wake up my husband by laughing hysterically. This is all so funny!

    Like

  79. 79
    sarahlherbert

    Thank you. I was having a really shitty night until now (pun unintentional). It’s amazing what one good steamed dump can do for a gal.

    Like

  80. Cheese Rango is a Cream Cheese Rangoon. They are deep fried wontons filled with creamed cheese and served with sweet and sour sauce. They are very good.

    Like

  81. 81
    Daffodil101

    Look at this episode of She Ra. At 3.19 she defeats the robots by shooting light out her vagina.

    Like

  82. Daycare once abbreviated daughter’s snack on daily summary as “cheese and crack.” That’s just all kinds of wrong.

    Like

  83. This is a bit of a non sequitur, but I hope to goodness you’ve seen this article/video of this little girl who is 11 and is a die-hard taxidermist. She RULES, and I hope she makes you a beautiful mouse diorama.

    http://jezebel.com/hero-11-year-old-mackenzie-mccarty-makes-lovely-taxider-1691962314#

    Like

  84. Jennifer#20 above thank you — I just learned a very important Polish word.🙂

    Like

  85. Here’s hoping that the Steamed Dump was a heck of a lot tastier than it sounded!

    Like

  86. As an electronic technician I work on a piece of gear that has a light for an Analyzer Overload condition. Yup, they shortened it to Anal Overload. I snicker every time the light comes on.

    Like

  87. At least you hadn’t gotten a Steamed Dump and XXX-Duck Sauce? I think I saw that movie…😦

    Like

    Rachel recently posted Horror Block February 2015.

  88. I love Chinese restaurants. Their command of the English language is sometimes lacking enough to produce hilarious results. A friend of mine was having lunch at one years ago, when the owner (who became a friend of hers) asked her how to spell “fronda fish.” My friend had no idea what fronda fish was, but offered the most logical spelling. It didn’t occur to her until much later that she was asking about flounder.

    Like

    Tara recently posted None-Ya.

  89. I’ve heard of cats on menus, but this is ridiculous.

    Like

    Musings, Rants & Scribbles recently posted What Do I Do With This Dog?.


  90. Rango was the cartoon lizard voiced by Johnny Depp in the cartoon of the same name. And now that makes me wonder if they simply stuffed the lizard with cheese and just which cartoon duck went into making the sauce.

    Like

  91. Wow – did they charge for all the chopsticks and the duck sauce? Is that why they’re in red ink?? Criminal!

    Like

    LVital7019 recently posted Commuter Fumes.

  92. 92
    Fur Princess

    I just passed black bean soup through my nose!

    Like

  93. 93
    Elizabeth McDonough

    Bonus for filing it under Random Crap

    Like

  94. LOVE LOVE LOVE this….I once ordered a drink from a bar. The receipt listed it as “1 Large Cock. w/ cucum”

    That one took me a while to stop laughing. My one large COCKtail with CUCUMber vodka was quite damn delicious!

    Like

    Jessica McSpadden recently posted To Query like the best of them..

  95. I feel ya!
    I failed an exam because of abbreviations. The teacher understood though. So did I.
    Just goes to shows how they are sometimes a bad idea.

    Like

  96. Ok, like on Facebook, I like this very much.

    Like

  97. Abbreviations can be HILARIOUS, though, when you’re a kid. Or an adult with a child-like mind. Or a mammal with a sense of humor. When I was a kid, we lived on private road just outside the city limits that also happened to have a horse show ring… track? field? Whatever the hell you call it. It was owned by the county Horseman’s Association. Thus, the road I lived on was named after the landmark and called Horseman’s Association Road. You better believe I enjoyed seeing my road listed on the bus schedule posted on the front window of my school, and proudly announced to everyone gathered around it on the first day of school, “that’s my stop–Horseman’s Ass.”

    Like

  98. I bought hot dogs…the label read…PC Free from Wiener….so satisfying to know that my hot dogs are wiener-free

    Like

  99. you and victor should write a book on how to make a marriage work..(this is not sarcasm.)

    Like

  100. 100
    Elizabeth Nobles

    I worked in a grocery store in college. SPERM showed up on the computer check out screen as I was scanning items. The lady who I was checking out was all “um, what is that?” I didn’t know. Honestly, I went so fast, I usually didn’t look at the items. She made my manager come over to find out what it was… She found it. Spearmint gum. Apparently, the “a” in spearmint was unnecessary in the abbreviation. The next time that lady came through, she handed me the gum and said “I’ll just put my sperm back in my purse.” Definitely my fav customer ever.

    Like

  101. It is very good for the garden, I think you should reconsider,

    Like

    itzybellababy recently posted What are you saying?.

  102. I always love Victor, but I especially love him after this post.

    Like

    Tara recently posted Tomorrow won't be day one.

  103. Obviously the Cheese Rango is suffering from a break-up — it’s X duck sauce.

    Like

  104. 104
    waywardmage

    I was doing a peer review for a co-worker several years back, and I had to inform that when abbreviating the Year 2000 Assessment he should NOT use “2000 asses”.

    Like

  105. 105
    Deborah Darsie

    I SO needed a bunch of good laughs! Helped clear out the old thoughts and loaded me up with new and freshly twisted thoughts.
    I think I will like it here….

    Like

  106. Wow – that made me laugh so hard it literally turned to tears. You save this anxious, depressed, ADHD mommy more than words can convey. Thanks Jenny!

    Like

  107. 107
    Anonymous

    I once went to a restaurant and ordered Butter Chicken, paying for it with my Visa card. My receipt read:

    Buttchick: Entry method – swiped.

    It was an awesome day.

    Like

  108. 108
    Anonymous

    I’ve heard Snow Crap (a type of shellfish) is also very nice. Mmmmm. Snow Crap.

    Like

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