Stop reading.

in rants

Stop reading this right now.

Seriously.  Stop it.

You can’t stop, can you?

Or can you?  Have you stopped?  If you have, I’m applauding you.  You can’t hear it because you’ve stopped reading but trust me, you are awesome.  And you know what else you are?  You are a LIAR.  Because you are still reading.  You’re still reading because you don’t listen to authority and you’re not about to let some stupid-ass warning keep you from doing whatever it is you want to do.  And you know what?  I am with you.

WE’LL READ WHATEVER WE WANT TO AND NO ONE CAN MAKE US STOP.

THIS IS THE REBELLION OF PEOPLE WHO WILL READ NO MATTER WHAT.

HIGH FIVE, US.

High five, indeed.

151 thoughts on “Stop reading.”

Read comments below or add one.

  2. Feeling like a total rebel right now. Might go ride on the mall escalator next … and totally NOT hold on to the handrails … arms up, like I’m on a goddamn roller coaster.

  7. I kept reading because reading is good. Unlike my customers. however, if I read a warning that the door is broken I won’t use said door. Sometimes a warning is a good thing.

  10. Nothing I love reading more than something someone tells me I shouldn’t read. 🙂

  11. Readers will rule the world!!! (As soon as we finish one more chapter.)

  12. I tried to stop. I stopped and came back. I guess I’m a reluctant rebel. A wanna be rule follower.

  13. And there I thought I was too old and too responsible to still be a rebel! Yay me, and thank you for making me feel 15 years younger!

  17. I’m with you. Years ago, my sister (prompted I think by a song by 10,000 Maniacs) asked the high-school librarian for something by Jack Kerouac and received the response, “Wouldn’t you rather read this?” as she was led away to something else. When she told me this story the next time we spoke on the phone, I responded by stomping off to my college’s bookstore and buying her a copy of “On the Road.” I sent it to her, suggesting she sit right in front of said shameful excuse for a librarian as she read it.

  18. Rebel by reading. I am TOTALLY for this movement. Because I can read from my bed = I’m being a rebel by laying in bed. This is right up my alley.

  20. Would have re-read again but got stuck in my ‘one size fits all” pantyhose. Don’t believe everything you read.

  21. High five all around. I even read it on someone else’s dime. It’s like the revolution around here.

  26. I did not read it. Not even the part about being a rebel. Because you said don’t read it. And I listen to the voices in my computer. So I did not read it at all. I didn’t even get the high five that the people who read it got.

  28. I kept reading it because I trust you. Also, because I NEVER take anyone’s word for anything without a good reason. Such as trust. Based on experience. And, yes, i am a rebel. Since the womb, I’ve been a fucking rebel.

  31. Depends on who the “authority” is. You’re too interesting to not read and you just up the ante with that leading title. Tease 😉

  33. Initially I stopped reading the way you told me to. But then I realized that I would miss any other rebellious actions that I should or should not be doing, so I started reading again. Does this make me an obedient rebel? With gravy?

  34. This post pains me. On one hand, I like reading…especially reading this blog because it’s beautiful and wonderful and hysterical. On the other hand, I feel a deep compulsion to obey any demands made by Queen Jenny, Empress of Blogosphere. All hail, Queen Jenny. Long live the queen.

  37. I usually refrain from commenting, but I must raise voice and join with the rest of the (compulsive) readers.

  40. You’re not the boss of me! <3 U I Will always read your blog…and anything else I damn well feel like reading!

  42. And a high five to my junior high son who reads my text messages at school (against the rules!) even when I include a DO NOT READ before the message.

  46. As a would-be rebel, I would like to high-five you all repeatedly until no-one has any skin left on their hands.

    Maybe I should rethink that.

  47. I didn’t read it, but then wondered what I was missing. I’m not a rebel.. just nosey.

  49. I tell people all the time “DO NOT CLICK ON THE LINK TITLED ‘MEATSPIN.'” I tell them and I tell them and they click. They click and after they can never listen to “You Spin Me (right round)” by Dead or Alive ever again. But that was all told to them beforehand. So the blame is on them. I also told them to not read my “CENTIPENIS” post.

  50. The problem with being a fast reader is that I really can’t claim I’m a rebel because I had already read the whole thing before I even contemplated obeying the first sentence. But I would have read it all anyway, so there.

  56. Ooh! Like buttons in the comments would be awesome. So would the ability to reply to commenters… like having whole Bloggess-themed conversations in the middle of the Bloggess’ page. Bloggessception!

  57. This reminds me a little bit of the kid’s book by B.J. Novak… The Book with No Pictures

  58. Oh where you talking to me? Or that other person who lives in side my head? You were talking to them right?

  60. I love you! Also,this post reminded me of the Sesame Street book featuring Grover teLling you not To turn the page because there’s a Monster at the end of the Book!

  63. No one (not even you, Jenny) can tell me to stop reading. Well, I guess anyone can tell me to stop reading, but I can and shall and do disobey them. I read everything: “forbidden” books in high school (Catcher in the Rye? Really??), cereal boxes, mattress and hairdryer warning labels (which I then immediately cut off), everything. Well, everything except the boring crap I’m supposed to read for work. I just skim that and pretend to know what it’s about.

  64. Reminds me of something I once read about censorship: No-one ever said “We must ban that book because I might read it, and it might damage me”…

  65. Ha! My favorite buttons to push are those that say “Don’t push this button”. They are a rare treasure. Maybe I should have some installed in my house 🙂

  67. All I was thinking as I read this was “what are you going to do about it if I read it” and “how will you know anyway?”
    Ah. Just realised you now know because I write this!

  68. Compulsive reader here! I. Can’t. Stop. Ever. I read everything. Paper books, Kindle, cereal boxes, shampoo, calendars, whatever is in front of me. I read everywhere, whenever I can. Walking to the bathroom while at work. Walking to my car at work. During commercials while watching TV. While brushing my teeth.
    It is an addiction. I love this addiction.

  70. Yep, once I got started (One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish) I couldn’t stop!

  74. If I had a nickel for every time I’ve almost wrecked my car trying to read the bread truck in the next lane, I’d have enough to hire a chauffeur to drive me around so I could read ALL THE THINGS without worrying about having an accident.

  75. Pfffftt “stop reading” never works on me! It is why I live on 4 hours of sleep a night.

  78. I needed this little bit of rebellion tonight. I just found out that my health insurance won’t cover my knee op so I can maybe walk without crutches because my employer changed our provider last year so the condition is “preexisting” where it wouldn’t have been with the old supplier. I mean, I’m in the UK and can have it done on the NHS but it will take aaaages so I’m kinda bummed, so I thought, I’ll go to the Bloggess because she’ll cheer me up. You did not disappoint!

  81. It’s not even National Banned Books Week, which I was totally expecting it to be.

  82. Funny: I walked around reading a book today. People commented on how ridiculous that looks and how dangerous it that I can ignore traffic and my environment so completely. I pointed out how many people walk around with their eyes glued to their phones and was met with the disbelieving stare of “But that’s normal!!” — High Five to us readers! I will read while walking anytime I want!

  83. Given my issues with authority, I would have kept reading if it was a list of horrible side effects from the most recent drug to come onto the market – dry mouth, cramps, projectile vomiting. You get the picture.

  86. I am NOT a liar, since I never said I wouldn’t read your blog. I am being defiant, which is a different story all together. So there.

  87. Rules are meant to be broken, right?
    I just feel like in the end Jenny still won. I read the post, but now I’m wondering what it would be like if I hadn’t read the post. I feel confused.

  88. I can’t stop reading things. Even if I don’t like a book I have to finish it to see if there is something that will make me enjoy it. It is a weakness of mine. Kind of like finish your dinner so the food won’t be wasted.

  90. “THIS IS THE REBELLION OF PEOPLE WHO WILL READ NO MATTER WHAT.”

    Yeah, I used to get grounded from reading as a kid and would try to “sneak” reading in by reading things like the cereal box. No one can stop my reading!

  91. Read. I was always the kid who “read ahead” in class when it was one of those times everyone was supposed to read a paragraph in turn. They always read too slow and so I would just keep reading and reading in my head, all caught up in the story, and when it was my turn the jig was up because even if I had correctly counted ahead to which paragraph wiuld be mine to read , I’d be so engrossed in the story I’d have no idea the room had fallen silent waiting for me to start. I’d be off in my imagination, crossing bridges with trolls underneath, stirring the stone soup or otherwise deeply part of the story one moment and then suddenly back in my chair in the dull classroom, blinking like Rip Van Winkle, completely oblivious to time and place and in trouble for not listening to the teacher.
    A scenario I suspect might be quite familiar in Bloggess Nation. We got swept away!

  94. We were in Lubbock on Saturday and to work up an appetite for dinner we decide to go to the mall and walk around. I hate malls but I love walking them! We made a mistake though, we entered through the Barnes and Noble. We didn’t end up walking around the mall but I did make a few discoveries and a few new books are now on my wish list–all from the childrens’ section, of course.

  98. Pamtastic – great minds think alike! I was like, is Grover writing this? IS THERE A MONSTER AT THE END OF THIS POST???

  99. The more someone tells me not to do something, the more I want to do it. Especially when it comes to reading. And drinking wine. And owning cats.

  102. Read it. Twice. And stuck out my tongue. Yea, I’m bad-ass like that.

  103. I read this, twice and felt so empowered that I went home and tore off all the tags off my pillows and mattresses. I am now posting this from my cell phone while waiting for the police to finish processing my arrest. I still don’t care, screw that man I will always be a rebel….Hey Jenny can you spot me bail money???

  104. I feel so ashamed. I couldn’t stop reading soon enough. Tonight I’ll dream that the words are doing cannonballs into the pools of my eyes and the liquid will run down the sides of my face because I’m a back sleeper. I’ll wake up blind to the radiance of the sun and other people. All because I chose to follow the temptress Bloggess. Write my epitaph with a handful of Cheetos. Or just enjoy the snack. Either way’s OK. Dag and nabbit.

  105. high five !

    I’m always the one still reading, way, way after the sign says ‘stop reading this’. 😉

  107. shthisisme up there…boy do I know that silence. The Silence of the Classroom. Then the laughter, the startling, startling laughter. I’ve tried to warn my son but I know he’s going to know this story well too. Ah well, back to A Wrinkle in Time.

  108. If someone tells me not to read something, that’s a green light not a red light to read.

    I just boiled water in a cup in my microwave (with a teabag in it) not because I had to, not because someone told me to, but because it’s one of those things people tell you not to do.

    I will do what I want when I want for whatever reason I see fit.

    I see it as being equal parts rebel & individual.

    Only people who want to hold back your liberty tell you what to do & what not to do.

    Those of us that know our own mind can make our own decisions, & accept the consequences.

  113. Telling me what to do only makes me want to do it more! Read, re-read, shared on facebook, commented, other comments read………..Yay!

  116. Except for instructions. Never read instructions. That’s how you prove yourself.

    Luckily it was Ikea and the instructions were in pictures, but those were too confusing so I watched a youtube instruction video. BUT NO INSTRUCTIONS WERE READ THAT DAY.

  117. Well, if you’re the voice of authority I may not have to rebel so much. Fist bump.

  118. I’m guessing you may have read “The Monster at the End of This Book” by Sesame Street’s Grover. If not, thank you for the cute furry reminder of NOT TO TURN THE PAGE!

  122. Speaking of reading….I’m listening to (I heart audio books in the car) Ready Player One by Ernest Cline which is an 80’s pop culture referencing dream of a virtual adventure. Best part: the book is being read by Wil Wheaton! The last chapter actually referenced Wil as part of the governing body of the virtual world. If you haven’t read it, I totally recommend it.

  123. Today we walked through a castle with signs every 50 ft or so that said “NO PHOTOGRAPHS” and I TOTALLY TOOK PHOTOGRAPHS because I paid 500 yen and I wanted photos, damnit. Of course I kept reading.

  124. I’ll second “Ready Player One” — anyone who played videogames or D&D or just listened to 80s music has a good chance of seeing themselves mirrored in its pages. In a good way.

  125. Rebelling is one of the purist joys in life. As long as it doesn’t involve self harm or lead to harming others, I will often do the opposite of what a stupid sign tells me to do just to feel like I’m living. “Don’t walk on the grass”? As long as a big old marine isn’t guarding the area, you can bet your sweet ass my shoes are coming off and I’m going barefoot in the park! self preservation kicks in at times lol

  126. Like many, I can’t not read. It’s why driving through Houston is so challenging for me – way too many signs to read.

  128. I’m not sure what you are referencing, but I read your post and re-read the previous one…just because I can’t focus at work right now and I always get a chuckle from your posts.

    Readers gotta read, baby!! Except the news…that’s just either too stupid or too depressing…and not usually accurate.

  129. Ha ha! Thanks Ruthie – I was referencing the old R&B song: “If loving you is wrong, I don’t wanna be right” I may find things funny that other’s don’t. And I may be old.

  130. This reminded me of a book I read as a kid. It was Grover and the Monster at the End of this Book.

  131. Warning readers not to keep reading and then rewarding them for continuing to read is a fake-out technique used by writers ranging from Lemony Snicket to the Comte de Lautreamont.

    Congratulations on joining this awesome literary tradition. I would tell you not to be too proud of yourself, that others have done it better, et cetera, but I suck at the fake-out. I once told a friend a bullshit story about how my father used to threaten to kill me in my sleep. The fact that I was laughing and hamming it up didn’t prevent her from bursting into tears and saying “How horrible!”

  133. You know, I was 36 years old before I realized that it was okay to abandon a shitty book half-way through. Life is too short to read awful books. Thanks for xmaking this 51-year-old lady feel like a rebel again.

  136. This sounds like something I might have written had the boyfriend let me near my laptop at 2 in the morning after a heavy night of drinking. If that’s what this is. Bravo you. Bravo you indeed.
    high fives
    misses because you’re out cold from the booze

  138. Would someone please tell me what was said in this post? I didn’t read it…

  139. YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!

    And they can pry my books out of my cold, dead hands. Although, I do have a couple of books that I’d like to have cremated with me if I actually think about it.

  145. My favorite book as a kid was The Monster At The End of This Book. This post is pretty much a blog version of that book, so obviously I had to read it.

  147. CAN’T. STOP. READING. EVER.

    Which probably explains why I am tired all the time, because who has time to sleep when there are things to read?

  149. The Man: “Don’t say _____!”
    The Me: “You mean ()?”
    Man: “NO! I said not to say _____!”
    Me: “Oh, _____? Not ()?”
    Man: “Yes.”
    Me: “Yes, what? Yes, _____? I thought we don’t say _____.”
    Man: “GODDAMMIT!!”
    … to be continued…

    Some people do drugs. We do books.

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