And that’s why I don’t trust hypnotists

One of my friends went to a hypnotist to stop smoking and it made me think that I need to find a hypnotist to hypnotize me into thinking that I’m doing a good job in life.

But then I started worrying that maybe I’d already used a hypnotist to make me think that I was doing okay but that the hypnotism has just worn off.  And if that’s true then I should I find the hypnotist and ask for my money back, but I can’t because I don’t remember going to see a hypnotists.  And that sort of makes sense because if he’s a really good hypnotist he probably hypnotizes me into not remembering that I constantly hire him over and over again.

And that’s why I don’t trust hypnotists.

PS.  This post seems like it needs a picture but I don’t have a relevant one so instead here’s a photo of Hunter S. Thomcat who is currently attempting to grow to the size of his cat bed.  I think he needs a hypnotist:

If Hunter was Kathy

81 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Does Hunter let you use him as a pillow? He looks like he’d make an awesome pillow!
    Hypnotists scare me…I’m barely holding onto control of my own mind, there’s no way I’m handing over any part of that control.

    Like

    fillyourownglass recently posted Filling Your Karmic Piggy Bank.

  2. I’m also deeply suspicious of hypnotists, but I wonder if at one time I was hypnotized by a very jealous hypnotist who didn’t want anyone else hypnotizing me. The disturbing thing is I don’t think I’ve ever been hypnotized, but when I was in college a hypnotist came and made one of my classmates act like she was five years old. After he released her she had no memory of what she’d done. Even to a skeptic like me it was spooky.

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    lycosasapiens recently posted The Hair Apparent..

  3. My cat wants to be on the show “My 600 lb. Life.”

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    TexasTrailerParkTrash recently posted And You Thought Latin Was a Dead Language.

  4. Do you think hypnotism would work on cats? Please say yes. I am running out of options.

    Like

    Cary Vaughn recently posted 6 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Came Out.

  5. But wouldn’t a good hypnotist make you believe you DO trust hypnotists?

    Like

    kdcol recently posted A letter of apology.

  6. Eternal Sunshine..

    Like

  7. Hypnotists, oh my gosh THAT explains that thing I do whenever someone says “Velociraptor.”

    Duh.

    Like

    Manicmom recently posted Here’s the thing about spring break.

  8. I went to a hypnotist, and I was EXTREMELY skeptical. But she is amazing and even if it was a placebo effect, I’ll be damned if it didn’t make a huge difference. Mainly in the area of thinking I’m doing a good job.

    Like

  9. I think your cat was hypnotized to think he is already thin and doesn’t need to diet…but because the hypnotist is so good, you don’t remember.

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    Rachelle recently posted Go Away "MayMay" (plus a Stay Reboot!).

  10. Your logic is flawless. Might want to check your credit card statement for regular payments that are unfamiliar. Oh, wait, a crafty hypnotherapist probably thought of and covered that. Ah, well. =)

    Like

    Samantha Biobabbler recently posted Stunning stilt striding, and other natural delights--it's been a good week.

  11. I too have mixed feelings about hypnotists, probably as a result of movies like “Office Space.” Oh what’s that you say? Movies and real life aren’t always the same? Oh. Sorry. Still feel suspicious of hypnotists.

    Like

  12. Speaking of growing into things, when I was a kid, I wore my rollerskates for weeks non-stop because I was determined they should/would grow into my feet.

    Like

  13. I’m a hypnotist… just reading this, you are getting sleepy. ..

    Ha ha. .. but I really am. And you remember everything if you choose to.

    Like

  14. In high school we had a hypnotist come in and hypnotize some of the students, and that’s how most of the football players and cheerleaders got in trouble because it was discovered that the students were throwing sex parties, and that’s why I don’t trust hypnotists. I was not a participating member of either group, I was not popular in high school.

    Like

  15. I bet Hunter is part goldfish; if you get him a smaller bed, he’ll stop growing.

    Like

  16. A good hypnotist would also ask for a big bonus in cash. Check your wallet. Is there any money there? If you have no money, you have a good hypnotist.

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    notquiteold recently posted You Bet I Did!.

  17. Hypnotist: “Hunter S Tomcat you are getting very sleeeeeepy.” HST: Hypnotist: “SUCCESS!”

    Like

  18. Dammit! It didn’t post right due to some coding shenanigans! Cut and paste time!

    Hypnotist: “Hunter S Tomcat you are getting very sleeeeeepy.” HST: (GAPING YAWN!) Hypnotist: “SUCCESS!”

    Like

  19. Yup, I see that same look every time I tell the dogs to do their dog-chores. Lazyboneses.

    Like

    Jess@NoPithyPhrase recently posted Things I'll Miss in Texas.

  20. My brother is a clinical hypnotist and has helped many people. No, you don’t “hand over your control”. You LEARN to control your own mind!

    Like

  21. How can you resist that soft kitteh belleh? We all know it’s a trap, but it’s so soft.

    Like

    Kelly @ Cibatarian recently posted Eatcetera in Galveston.

  22. I don’t trust hypnotists either. In college we had one visit campus and like a dumbass I raised my hand when he asked for volunteers. As a new freshman who hadn’t met many people yet. Not only did I succumb to the hypnotism (I was a skeptic and thought I would prove the practice wrong, but lo and behold it actually worked?!?), but I ended up mooning the entire auditorium per his command (thanks creepy hypnotist guy). If you know me, you know that I am intensely private and only bare my ass crack to my friends after having a few shots of tequila. As a result, right up through college graduation, people would stop me on the street just to say “hey! Nice ass!” And this is why I think hypnotists are assholes.

    Like

  23. Ahhh HA! I am beginning to suspect my cat isn’t just purring lovingly into my face but attempting to hypnotize me. I think it’s working.

    Like

  24. I tried hypnotism once to stop crying all the time. It didn’t work.

    Like

    Michelle recently posted I Can Even.

  25. Hypnotists are tricky, tricky people. You’re wise not to trust them.

    I wonder if a really honest one hypnotized you into not trusting them.

    Like

    Karen Marie Peterson recently posted Around the Horn with the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.

  26. Have you ever started clucking like a chicken for no apparent reason? I hear that’s the MO of most shady hypnotists. Not that you’d remember doing it, because any hypnotist worth their salt would have you not remember. And I just almost typed out ‘Hypnotits.”

    Like

  27. Never trust a hypnotist! I once ended up singing Shakira and shaking my booty on stage, and let me tell you, it was horrifying for all involved. I don’t trust people who play so loose with hips.

    Like

    Anna Kristine recently posted Disney Saves Me From Homicide.

  28. Cats are a liquid and will conform to whatever container they are placed in.

    Like

  29. Haha! I have a cat who is attempting the same, which is a hassle because the other cat needs to gain weight. Also hypnotists scare me and I don’t even believe in hypnosis:/

    Like

    trillie recently posted On saying yes (Mistakes We Knew We Were Making).

  30. Hunter IS the hypnotist.

    Like

  31. My husband’s a hypnotherapist, and although I swore I couldn’t be hypnotized, he had me petting a pillow as if it was a little kitten. (And crying when he took said kitten away.) So silly. However, his clients sure swear by him.

    Like

  32. If I rubbed that awesome belly, would Hunter turn into the Texas Chainsaw Massacre?

    Like

    Janet Coburn recently posted The Pajama Game (Without Doris Day).

  33. I feel like I should discuss what you’ve just written but Hunter is way too distracting.

    Like

    May recently posted Midnight Sky Watching: Episode 1.

  34. I would be happy to hypnotize you again. I mean, hypnotize you for the first time. Because we’ve never met before and I certainly haven’t ever hypnotized you and them made you forget about it so that I could charge you for the same hypnotism session over and over. That would be bad. And unethical. And… possibly criminal. Huh. You know what? Just go back to sleep when I snap my fingers.

    Like

    Sweeney J. recently posted Unnecessary Clarifications Included in Cost of Life.

  35. Whoops, almost forgot.

    [snap]

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    Sweeney J. recently posted Unnecessary Clarifications Included in Cost of Life.

  36. Love Hunter! We have a giant cat who has the same, um…body contours.

    I particularly love the idea of hypnotists being able to make you wake up thinner or something. Because I’d TOTALLY pay for that.

    Like

    stef recently posted How To Get What You Want As a Customer.

  37. Who cares about hypnotists when there are photos of Hunter?! He is truly one of the cutest cats in the world. Not quite as cute as my Spence, but Spence won’t let you throw him around like a sack of potatos like Hunter seems to, so maybe it evens out.

    Like

  38. 38
    Vancouver Barbara

    Your logic is impeccable. And you are always right.

    Like

  39. Yeah, I’m sticking with my mesmerist. Don’t need none of those newfangled hypno methods.

    Like

    Anubis Bard recently posted Uncovering the Garden.

  40. the fact that your cat actually USES his cat bed is achievement enough. Mine will sleep anywhere but the cozy cat bed.

    Like

  41. Hunter is one freaking adorable cat. sniff I remember when he was just a baby…they grow up so fast!

    Like

  42. It’s a vicious circle with those hypnotists! Hunter is giant and adorable.🙂

    Like

  43. Alanna said it first…but I agree. My cat never used a cat bed and now that she is older and won’t jump up on anything she has decided that a down pillow is the ONLY thing to sleep on.

    Like

  44. I don’t trust hypnotists either. How do you feel about chiropractors?

    Like

  45. Im a nurse that’s also a hypnotherapist. There’s no reason to not trust hypnotists – it is impossible to hypnotise people to do things that they wouldn’t do when fully conscious. And unlike what everyone thinks, you’re normally fully aware of what’s happening – you’re just in an altered state of consciousness

    Like

  46. 46
    ocularnervosa

    That hypnotism thing didn’t work well in Office Space, or maybe it did.

    Like

  47. 47
    Doug in Oakland

    We had a hypnotist come to our psychology class in high school, which was on the second floor. He was wearing a Humboldt County Sheriff’s uniform. While he was hypnotizing the entire class, the teacher went over to the window and shut it, so we couldn’t hear my friend Mark, who was outside in the flower bed beneath the windows saying “You will go to the window.You will jump.” over and over.

    Like

  48. Cat hypnotism = spray bottle. 😛

    Like

  49. Just so I don’t look like I abuse my cats (although they are dramatic) I don’t spray them while they eat. I only spray when they’re picking at the furniture or otherwise being assholes.

    Like

  50. Big Fat Orange Cats are just about my favorite thing in the world, and Hunter is a fine specimen!

    Like

  51. 51
    SharonCville

    You cannot body-shame a cat. When my big, fat, fur-covered bowling ball went to the vet with a UTI, she came home and promptly rolled over to show off her freshly shaved, clean, pink butt. No shame, just, “Look at my pink butt!” HSTC is adorable.

    Like

  52. Hunter is one content looking cat. I don’t think I ever want to be hypnotised.

    Like

    Gary Lum recently posted Dijon quinoa with bacon kale coleslaw recipe.

  53. 53
    Cheryl in Wisconsin

    Some day when I have disposable income I plan on getting past life regression hypnosis. Fascinating! Evidently I don’t have enough problems in this lifetime already…

    Like

  54. I’ll join in with the minority here and say that I went to a hypnotherapist (quite different from “show hypnosis”) to both quit smoking – coming up on 10 months now! – and to feel like I was doing well at life. And both worked awesomely well. I still struggle with the “doing well” thing every so often but have learned way better control over the negative spiral and some great calming/coping techniques. I swear by my hypnotherapist!

    Like

  55. 55
    ᴀ ɴᴇᴡ ʏᴏʀᴋ ᴍɪɴᴜᴛᴇ

    I went to a hypnotist once and rather enjoyed myself. Which made me pretty suspicious.

    Like

    ᴀ ɴᴇᴡ ʏᴏʀᴋ ᴍɪɴᴜᴛᴇ recently posted Close Encounters of the Weird Kind.

  56. 56
    Kelly in Indy

    Obviously HSTC got the lids off the medicine (steroid) bottles …

    Like

  57. This comment has absolutely nothing to do with hypnosis, but does have to do with altered states of mind, since I’m in a ton of pain right now: Where is Nancy W. Kappes, Paralegal and her bag of Judy Garland Trail Mix when I need her? One of my primary wishes for the afterlife is to meet her.

    Like

  58. I think that you are doing a good job in life.

    Like

  59. Well, if you’re not doing a good job in life, then I don’t know who is.

    Like

    Gabriela (@cluelesspixie) recently posted the insomniac tapes II. - the way, twisted.

  60. You should never have let the word ‘trust’ slip from your mouth. Now he’s going to hypnotize you to trust his treatment fully. But if you’re hypnotized to be doing well and you are…maybe that’s just fine. Maybe hypnotism just naturally has a short half life and you have to be hypnotized over and over again. I’m a therapist, but have never been trained in hypnosis…so I have no idea. I’m sure, as in most fields though, there are trustworthy ones out there. (As well as the sheisters. Now I want to meet your hypnotist. I’m like the psychic therapist…I’d probably be able to tell pretty quick which camp he was in.)

    Like

    The Damn Dame recently posted Fake Boobs and a Hookah Bar.

  61. There is no spoon.

    Like

  62. Did it work for your friend? There’s a dude coming to town in a couple of weeks hypnotizing and mesmerizing people to quit smoking.
    Also, you’re great.

    Like

  63. I think Hunter seems to be doing a damn fine job of being a cat and he is just filling out his bed. But if Hunter is still smoking, hypnosis seems a good option. That shit will kill a cat.

    Like

    Kristine @ MumRevised recently posted Flying the scary skies.

  64. You don’t need a hypnotist to know you’re doing a fabulous job at life. Just look at how happy your daughter is, and how much joy you bring your readers. Have a seat in the win column, Jenny. You got this one.

    Like

  65. I agree with Gabriela. You seem to be doing a fine job with life- I think success is measured in large part by the our children and look at beautiful Haley! And you keep a huge part of the world laughing our asses off EVERY DAY!!!!! I’m still sure we’re all related somehow.

    Like

  66. Would a hypnotist be considered alternative medicine? I’m asking so I know if I can bill my insurance company. Ya know, just in case.

    Like

    Sandy the Fearless Scribe recently posted No, we won't forget about you.

  67. Cats have perfect self-esteem.

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    Andi Reis recently posted What is at the end of your SEO rainbow?.

  68. Now I want a human-sized cat bed. And I’ll continue to avoid hypnotists.

    Like

    Kathleen recently posted A Spool of Blue.

  69. 70
    Lindsay Loch

    Just curious if you have ever considered making a shirt with a photo of Rambo, the baby raccoon in jams? If you haven’t yet, all the gals in my book club would buy them in a heartbeat!

    Like

  70. This type of post is exactly why I want your next book to be out NOW!!!

    Like

  71. This has nothing to do with hypnotism or Hunter S. Thomcat; I just wanted to make sure you were aware of this particular tweet: https://twitter.com/craptaxidermy/status/510507701462634496

    Like

    Cobwebs recently posted Duck! It’s Another Week of Link Dumps: Day 5.

  72. 73
    N°1important

    Makes me wonder whether my “smoking cessation” hypnotist was a genius or just a good guesser? She gave out voucher cards for free lifetime participation in future group hypnosis sessions if I lapsed or felt I needed reenforcement. Turns out she was psychic, because I cannot utilize your clever logic, PLUS I have lasped. Four times. And lost my voucher so I had to pay a second time. But it’s been 2-1/2 years this time so, who knows? This hypnosis bullshit might just work. Or maybe she perfected “avoidance therapy” because I lost the 2nd card & would prefer to avoid giving her any more money. Whatever mind games she’s playing with me, I think I’m winning.

    Like

  73. His beauty is hypnotizing.

    Like

  74. Jenny, you need a Crack Puppy. You have made way too much money on your book. Buy a Shih-Tzu. That will quickly burn up the cash. And possibly your house. Besides, Hunter will LOVE being yipped at 24/7.

    Like

    HogsAteMySister recently posted Ear Goop and Humpy Crack Puppies.

  75. Hunter is like “If you tell me I need to diet one more time, I’m going to eat YOU!”

    Like

    Jeanie Tortoisefly recently posted GISHWHES 2014.

  76. I really want to pet that tummy

    Like

  77. He’s not fat. He’s fluffy! Ish.

    Like

  78. What about writing another book (yes, I know you are working on one) instead of a hypnotist? I’d say book#1 showed very effectively that you are doing good at this thing called life! (except for cooking. It didn’t show you were ok at cooking.)

    Like

    balletandboxing recently posted I just found out I am a tranny.

  79. I can’t wait for your book to come out….I’ve the read the first one twice, bought it for friends, and listen to it on audio in my car……finally September!!!! YAY – Kathy, your WV fan

    Like

  80. Can we refrain from telling each other (including cats), that we need diets? Diets don’t work and as a society we should be focusing on healthy lifestyles. HAES (health at every size).🙂

    Like

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