Just…no.

I got out of bed at 2am to pee but it was cold so I hurried back, but when I jumped back into bed the blanket got caught on something when I tried to yank it up toward me and so I ended up accidentally punching myself right in the face.

And I just sat there, stunned for a minute, and then I tried to see what the blanket was caught on but it was wadded into a ball and I didn’t want to get out of bed again because I was cold and I’d just been assaulted and so I turned on my phone to use as a flashlight and turns out it was Hunter S. Thomcat.  And he was like “Yeah.  I did that.  I made you punch yourself in the face.”

And I believe it too because look at this face:

hunters

113 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Hunter. You need to be nicer to her. She provides the food type things for you.

    Like

    Kara recently posted Orphan Black Season 3 Spot.

  2. I’m not sure what I love more. Your blog or your cat ;p

    Like

    crazy8mama recently posted Thigh Gaps and Thunder Thighs.

  3. HAHHA…I punched a deer in the face adjusting my coat once. It was in a lobby. I nearly knocked it off the pedestal.

    Like

    Michelle recently posted Spring Cleaning Guide: Rubber Shoes Life Hacks.

  4. Welcome to my world – from cats to punching oneself in the face when trying to untangle the blanket. Then, of course the cat shreds your feet.

    Like

  5. He speaks the truth!

    Like

  6. We think it’s a dog-eat-dog world out there, but it’s really cats who run the show.

    Like

    Burns the Fire recently posted Senior High: Meet Lou.

  7. I woke up from a terrifying nightmare where my scarf was trying to strangle me while a fisherman tried to drag me feet first from my bed…turns out Joker was happily kneading my scalp and Leonidas was playing claw the flailing feet. Because they’re cats. That’s what they do.

    Like

  8. Lol OMG my animals have made me abuse myself many times

    Like

  9. You just made a case for my not being a cat person.

    Like

  10. It’s their version of the “stop hitting yourself” game🙂

    Like

  11. Our Louise was a toe-biter as a kitten. (We nicknamed her Naughty Baby Fek’lhr.) Now she is the Queen of Everything. Coincidence? I think not.

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    Janet Coburn recently posted My Guy’s Grocery Games*.

  12. This might be why I don’t trust cats.

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    Kristine @ MumRevised recently posted Today is My Blogiversary.

  13. Cats are jerks. Proven fact. I bet your puppy wouldn’t do that. Bite you, or step on your face, sure.

    Like

  14. Oh hey, I’ve had this exact thing happen to me, hah. Though I’ve gotten back at my cat by nearly swinging my legs on top of her because it’s impossible to see her at night and where she’s passed out on my bed (black cat owner ftw).

    That’s what you get when you lay in spots that put you in harm’s way, Kiki.

    Like

  15. Sometimes I wish I had a cat so I could explain the things I think I see moving in shadows, but if I can’t have Hunter I don’t think I could find another cool enough.

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    deepfriedyankee recently posted A New Orleans Love Note.

  16. Kitty conspiracy theories. Maybe THAT’S what’s wrong with government….

    Like

  17. I should clarify – not that I think Hunter is cool because he made you punch yourself! That was NOT cool.

    Like

    deepfriedyankee recently posted A New Orleans Love Note.

  18. This doesn’t happen to everyone?

    Like

  19. Sadly, this has happened to me on more than one occasion.

    Like

  20. Sometimes I wake up in a panic because I am being attacked, and it’s just the cat loving me enthusiastically with her feet. Sometimes I wake up in a panic because the cat has been stolen, and she reacts with disdain to my startled movements because she is right there next to me.

    Like

  21. So funny!
    My cat also knows the ‘blanket face punch’ trick and has used it on many, much, numerous occasions.
    The cat can’t help herself.

    Like

  22. My cat kows whwen I wake up. I don’t have to move , open my eyes or make any noise. He just knows. And as soon as he knows he waddles up the bed steps over my head, flops his belly on the side of my face, sniffs my ear, paddy-paws my scalp (WITH claws) breathes up my nose, then gets, up turns in a circle and does it all again. And hee keeps doing thet until I disappear under the quilt, or hi finds a position which is both comfortable for him and potentially terminal for me. it usually involves large quantities of his his belly or armpit fur being stragically placed for maximum inhalation by me, with his (considerable) weight being used to to ensure maximum nostril penetration of said fur….this game ends when either my oxygen levels become dangerously depleted or I sneeze. Whether he gets the food or love he’s craving depends on various factors. If it’s dark o’clock he probably just gets thrown out to look woefully at the closing door. Light o’clock and he could be in luck….assuming he’s unsuccessful in his attempts to terminate me as we descend the stairs….

    Like

  23. YOUCH!!!!! I’ve done that. I’m sort of uncoordinated for being a Wild Rider. I pulled a muscle in my eyeball yesterday doing face yoga.

    Like

    susielindau recently posted The Intelligence And Stupidity Of Spring.

  24. LMAO I did the same thing only I had an iPhone cord in my mouth because I was too lazy to use both hands when I checked the time. When I stood up it slapped me in the face and drew blood.

    Like

  25. Ben there, done that. Thanks for sharing.

    Like

  26. I’ve trained all of the kitties to not attack ‘bed mice’ (aka feet under covers), but that doesn’t stop Mr. Snuffles from pinning me to the bed by sleeping on the covers on the getting-out side and refusing to move until I have had to completely go out the other side of the bed around him. At which point, every single damned time, he then gets up and jumps off the bed.

    Since I agree with him that me getting out of bed is a bad idea, I can’t even get mad at him.

    Like

  27. This is why our cats aren’t allowed in the bedroom. Too many times I’ve woken up to the feeling of claws in my bare feet😦

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    trillie recently posted CBT: you're doing it wrong.

  28. Somehow, even though we have a passel of cats, none of them attack feet. I consider myself lucky.

    Like

  29. Cat = asshole. Simple as that. I know, we have three of them.

    Like

    Stu Glennie recently posted Creative Writing: Between Class Stories, Spring 2015, Story One.

  30. i woke up in the middle of the night and found myslef pinned down by my three cats, monkey jon, nibbles and snorts. I had to slither my way out from under them or risk attack if i disturbed their sleep- that being said how do I explain why I love cats soo much

    Like

  31. I don’t know about punching myself, but I got my husband so hard with my elbow the other night I thought for sure he’d have a black eye. Georgia Kitty doesn’t curl up in the bed, though, she just prowls the room knocking things over or eats the rug.:-/

    Like

  32. I used to have a cat who would wake me up each morning by sitting on my chest, turning her head sideways and sticking her whiskers up my nose. Gotta give her credit for ingenuity.

    Like

    Sweeney J. recently posted May Not the Gods nor LeVar Burton Smite Me.

  33. Hey, it’s better than finding a snake in the toilet..

    Like

  34. Cats can be such assholes.

    Like

    Courtney recently posted Homeward bound .

  35. My cats are often well behaved during the day. They change only when the sun goes down… sort of like vampires. But not completely vampires. More like completely pricks.

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    notquiteold recently posted These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things (Part One).

  36. Ahh.. who can get upset with that cute little face? Even at 2 in the morning.

    Like

    kdcol recently posted Kroger vs. Kroger.

  37. Cats are assholes who get off on us punching ourselves in the face. Tell me again why we feed and pamper their asshole asses??

    Like

  38. I wouldn’t know how to act if I didn’t have to do acrobatic maneuvers around my cats in the morning – just to get out of bed. I KNOW they don’t move on purpose as they laugh to themselves and try to look unintersted while they watch!

    Like

    Rachelle recently posted Family Vacation & Texting.

  39. God, I did that the other night because the dog was standing on the blanket. Rather than tell her to “move” (which she will, but she’d’ve stepped on my fiancé) I just pulled the blanket. Urg.

    Like

    Jen Donohue recently posted What if nobody slept anymore? fiction prompt.

  40. Although, really, what could one expect BUT face-punching from a cat named Hunter S. Thomcat?

    Like

    Tragic Sandwich recently posted Baking with Baguette.

  41. I’ve punched myself in the face more times than I ever want to admit. I’ve also stabbed myself in the forehead with my thumbnail. If I let our cats sleep in our room, I’d probably have a constant rotation of black eyes.

    Like

  42. Oh gosh that’s the most hilarious humbling feeling. I’ve done it too!

    Like

  43. 43
    endearinglywacko

    I once hit myself in the face with the car door and gave myself a black eye. That takes real skill. You gotta step up your game Jenny if you’re going to compete with us big-time clumsy people (ha).

    Like

  44. So, HST learned the “quit hitting yourself! Quit hitting yourself!” teenage torture gambit?

    Well done, HST. Well done.

    Like

  45. This is hilarious because I have, coincidentally, just finished reading a book called How To Tell If Your Cat Is Plotting To Murder You. Haha!

    Like

    May Cho recently posted I Spent 5 Minutes Trying to Make Eye Contact With a Kid.

  46. Oh gosh, my cat does the same thing with the attacking of the toes and my boyfriend will just punt him off the bed not literally, but something close to it.

    Like

    Jessie Reyna recently posted Being Creative Is The Best.

  47. 47
    @shthisisme

    That face. Hunter ‘s exploits make my cats look like amatuers.
    And, 2am. Tuesday. Sometimes I think Tuesdays are worse than Mondays.

    Like

  48. My cat once built a pillow and duvet fort in my bed, and when I came to the room, she was peeking from a window in it, mocking me.

    Like

    Gabriela (@cluelesspixie) recently posted fun with depression: update.

  49. I once hit myself in the face with the car door and gave myself a black eye. No cat was involved. That takes real skill. You gotta step up your game Jenny if you’re going to compete with us big-time clumsy people (ha).

    Like

  50. HA HA HA HA HA HA!!! Amazing. Cats are such assholes! (I have two whom I love dearly.)

    Like

  51. I got whacked in the face on Friday by A. the vacuum cleaner hose I was trying to unclog and
    B. the opened up wire hanger I was using to unclog the vacuum cleaner.

    My cats only give me affection.

    Maybe I should start giving the vacuum wet food.

    Like

  52. My Midnite will randomly get up from his comfy spot at my side to go down and bite my toe through the blanket. I’ll be damned if I can figure out how he finds it dead on every single time. Then, he walks off like nothing happened. Fuzzy little bastard.

    Like

  53. Cats, the most loving of assassins!

    Like

    quoylette recently posted Stoopid Hooman fears.

  54. Hunter S. Thomcat ROCKKKKKKKKKS.
    Nothing better than a furry little asshole in your bed to cuddle with.
    MEOOoooooooooooooow.

    Like

  55. My mom just informed me that her cat jumped on her chest while she was sleeping, which resulted in her going into ventricular tachycardia. The cat literally tried to give her a heart attack!

    Like

    Rachel recently posted I'm An Idiot.

  56. I do this pretty much ever time I try to pull up the long sleeves of my worm uniform shirts. I tug upwards, but the wrists are usually so snug that I end up punching myself in the boob. EVERY TIME.

    Like

  57. *WORK uniform shirts, not worm. Sheesh….I’m a mess.

    Like

  58. Hunter must weigh more than my cats. I’ve inadvertently sent them flying when I yank the covers in the night.

    Of course cats have variable mass, so maybe he was just feeling especially heavy.

    Like

  59. Ok same situation here, but mine is a pug. He will sit at the bottom of the bed just hogging the covers and slowly through the night the blankets will fall down past my waist. I wake up shivering and yank on the blankets but they won’t budge. I’ll finally give up and just huddle down further on the bed, then my pug, The Dude, will take that opportunity to jump up and steal my pillow. Then I have blankets galore, but no damn pillow. Good thing he is like a mini heater, if I force cuddle him enough he will give me heat and eventually vacate the pillow due to too much cuddling.

    Like

    J. McSpadden recently posted I Achieved a Bucket List Goal!!!.

  60. Bad Kitty has a bread obsession. As in he will climb things to eat entire bags of bread, hot dog rolls, or just to lay down on the bread and smoosh it flat. Bread however, does not like Bad Kitty, which usually results in a kitty hangover in the litter box, which I can totally hear, ugh. He also has to sleep on my toddler, who then cannot roll over bc there is a cat on top of her!

    Like

  61. Well, no one can accuse him of not doing his job!

    Like

  62. Hahaha! I bet Hunter was smug. Cats do smug well.

    Like

  63. I work a desk job and I can’t count the amount of times I have hit myself in the head with the phone receiver while answering the phone. Because I’ve done it a lot, not because I can’t count very high.

    Like

  64. I gave myself a black eye once, when I hit my eye on the doorknob to the screen door while bending down to fast trying to keep my indoor cat from becoming an outdoor cat. Like Hunter, my cat also looked appalled and smug.

    Like

  65. Cats gonna be cats. Foot attacks are one of the things they were programmed to do back on their home planet.

    Like

    Dave B. (@BuckyKatt) recently posted Is Your Late-Night Screen Time Keeping You From Sleeping?.

  66. And in the sisterhood of punching yourself in the face…let me share with you my story of caution. I live in Texas where the sun is BIG and BRIGHT!!! I was driving into the sun and too enthusiastically pulled my car sun visor….I punched myself smack in the face and eye. I saw cartoon tweet-y birds fly around my head. Then I realized that I was driving….and now you know why 635 in Dallas has horrible drivers. We are all knocking ourselves unconscious randomly trying to avoid the sun.

    BE WARNED OH TRIBE!!!

    Like

  67. To be fair, you did wake him up from a sound sleep.

    Like

  68. I once woke up gasping for breath from a dream where I was drowning and saw my 30-pound cat lying on my chest. I truly believe they do these things on purpose.

    Like

    White Girls Be Like recently posted “Listen Here You Beautiful Bitch, I’m About To F*ck You Up With Some Truth”: Reasons Why Kenny Powers Is My Hero..

  69. I think your love of taxidermy should be explained to Hunter so he knows what may happen next time😀

    Like

    Gary Lum recently posted Sunday and Monday sweet chili salmon quinoa wraps.

  70. Hey Hunter- Who feeds you and cleans up your crap? Don’t hurt mommy.

    Like

  71. 71
    Wendy Roberts

    At least you can blame yours on a cat. I got out of bed in the middle of the night and fell straight over, onto my face! I didn’t even put my arms out to catch myself! All I remember was falling and then the sound of my nose going “crunch”!

    Like

  72. Once when I was lying on top of the covers of the bed one of my cats climbed up under the covers. I could see this little lump moving around. Then he got to my leg and started pushing against it and grunting. Finally he stopped.

    Do not give in to the cats. I think they respect you more.

    Like

    Christopher recently posted Hop On Board..

  73. I hate when I accidentally punch myself in the face. I always look around to make sure no one saw. Even when I’m alone.

    Like

    Karen Marie Peterson recently posted Because Professor Peterson has a nice ring to it..

  74. LOL!!! Thank you again for making me laugh!! You always make my day so much brighter!!

    Like

  75. I have to hide my hands in bed. One of mine will force you to pet her if she finds your hand. Then she puts an arm over your wrist, and rests her head on your hand so you will be stuck like that indefinitely because who wants to disturb such a cute kitty????

    Like

  76. Haha, I punch myself in the face all the time, except I don’t even have a cat for an excuse, just my own clumsiness.

    Like

    janice recently posted Oh, Delicious Gluttony.

  77. Welcome to the “I’ve punched myself in the face” club. I’ve accidentally punched myself in the face when the elbow of my coat got caught on something. I yanked up really hard and Kablam! I reacted like you, in that I was stunned, but then I couldn’t stop laughing because it must have looked funny as shit.

    Like

  78. Oh yeah, as usual, came to your blog feeling kind of crappy, needed a laugh – thank you !

    Like

  79. I’m having the type of morning where I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. This made me laugh. Stay weird sister! Oh and Hunter? Try not to be such a… Well it starts with C but doesn’t doesn’t end with ‘at’.

    Like

  80. I enjoyed this post more than I should have….laughed my head off!

    Like

  81. Sorry to be unsupportive… but all I can think is that I am so glad I am not the only person who has accidentally punched themselves in the face while doing something completely normal.

    Like

    Laura Morrigan recently posted Recent Outfits.

  82. I have poked myself in the forehead with my own thumbnail, causing a half-moon cut & scab. Sadly, I can’t blame it on my cat/s, both dead. Only on my…thumb, that bastard.

    Like

    Kathleen recently posted Spring Cleaning.

  83. My dog actually punches me in the face. hi mom – WHAM

    Like

  84. One time at our cabin my sisters and I slept out in sleeping bags around the campfire. In the morning as I was waking up I noticed something furry down by my feet. Hmmmmmmmmm, went my groggy mind. Never in my life have I ever been to happy to discover a cat.

    Like

    Anubis Bard recently posted Uncovering the Garden.

  85. Jesus I thought I was the only one that has literally punched myself in the face pulling up a blanket. No just kidding. That’s never happened. Multiple times. That would be stoopid.

    Like

    Rebel Mony recently posted Easter Crafts for Toddlers.

  86. We are dog-sitting our son’s 85-pound pit bull, the sweetest dog on the planet (although our cats might disagree). He prefers to sleep in the middle of the foot of my bed, right where my feet should go. Try to move an 85-rock with your foot sometime; doesn’t work.

    Like

  87. I’m the only person who has ever punched me in the face, in nearly the same scenario, minus the cat. I may have even been in bed alone. And I got a black eye.

    Like

  88. Yeah….cats can be jerks like that.

    Like

  89. Haha I’m cracking up at “…I’d just been assaulted.” So great!!

    Like

  90. Lol “just been assaulted”

    Like

  91. Great now it looks like all I do is laugh at assaults.

    Like

  92. My cat does the same.thing. claws at my feet like a maniac! Beeeyotch! But I still love her!

    Like

  93. I am laughing so hard because I do this more often than I like to admit–punch myself in the face when I try to pull up the blanket–and then realize my large dog is sleeping on it and it won’t come all the way up. It hurts, doesn’t it? This has also happened when I’ve tried to take off a Spanx tank. Nope. Don’t do it. Don’t try it. Really–I warned you. Not. Fun.

    Like

    candidkay recently posted Good breeding.

  94. Aw. That adorable little asshole. I hope for your sake you don’t have much of a right hook and are feeling better!

    Like

  95. 97
    Kristine Norton

    This story just further proves my point that cats are assholes. Says the crazy lady who currently has 4 cats.

    Like

  96. Cats are wonderful aren’t they! Mine is usually the dog!

    Like

  97. My boy is called Iggy, which is short of Ig-gnaw, as he likes to chew and ignore you at the same time. He isn’t really interested in attacking feet (thank goodness), but likes to play “the floor is lava” at night and get from the door to the window in two jumps – just as well the window is there to stop him going out, as he does a really good impression of a slinky piling into itself when he gets to the window.
    He also likes to sleep in window above my bed, which is fine until he falls too deeply asleep and falls off, landing on my head with all claws extended. An aerated scalp isn’t as funny when it’s your own.
    He also likes to wander around the house and yowl randomly for no apparent reason. And my mother reckons he’s a pervert, because he likes to watch when you shower or go to the loo.
    And in the middle of the night you will find you hand being lifted so that you will pat him. And when he gets nervous, he wanders around the house with his pet monkey toy.
    Still kinda like him though. Most of the time anyway.

    Like

  98. 100
    Lea Parrott

    I could not help but laugh out loud! I have done the same thing, but it’s usually a kid that’s stolen the blankets. Thank you for all you do! I needed the laugh today!

    Like

  99. Well, this post made me snort coffee out of my nose. Thanks for that!

    Like

    Kimber recently posted A Cold Day's Journey.

  100. I have an orange tabby too and he goes from being a slightly overweight kitty when he is walking around to being a 1,000 pound lump of lead when he gets on the bed. Nothing moves him. The other cats on the bed will jump up and get out of the way if I try to move, but this guy just hunkers down and pins your legs to the bed until they go numb. He has the same expression on his face as Hunter when he does it, too. What is it with these guys?

    Like

  101. I figure a camera flash in HST’s face in the middle of the night was acceptable retribution for indirectly giving you a black eye.

    Like

    Shelley J recently posted I really should have my own Secret Service detail..

  102. The hubby was being nice and got up to do the morning stuff: feed the dogs, feed the cat, feed the kids, make lunches, throw the kids out the door. I went back to sleep for a whopping 17 minutes when the evil cat realized that I wasn’t downstairs watching him eat. He reared up next to my side of the bed, shoved his tuna-breath in my face, and yowled at me for neglecting him. How dare I go back to sleep! I went downstairs. 10 minutes later I came back. He was in my spot. We named him well. BAZINGA!

    Like

  103. I’ve done that to myself. Seems safe to blame it on a cat.

    Like

  104. Totally did the same thing except I managed to also leave a giant scratch on my nose. I don’t even have a cat to blame. Tried to come up with an exciting story to explain the gouge on my nose….but everyone knows I’m a dork.

    Like

  105. 107
    Michele H.

    I picked up my sweet, lovely Louisa cat a few years ago. She purred, and meowed, and just loved being petted and scratched…until I, for some unknown, stupid ass reason decided to flip her over on her back. She punched my eye with one of her back paws, sliced my eyelid, and gave me a black eye. I looked like I’d been in a bar fight. I was 50 years old at the time, so I looked like I’d been in a bar fight for no good, supportable reason. Still love that cat beyond all reason, too.

    Like

  106. Greetings and salutations! Just ran across something right up your alley: http://www.boredpanda.com/animal-x-ray-lamp-shade-veterinary-oncologist-spike-vain/

    Like

  107. I was laughing out loud at this, and my husband asked what was so funny. I read it to him. He didn’t seem to understand how the punch happened, so I reenacted it to demonstrate, and just punched myself in the face. Yep, I’m THAT special.

    Like

  108. It’s not cats here (we don’t have one),but I’ve woken up, CATCHING Wolf’s fist in mid launch. Yes, I’ve woken myself up, grabbing my husband’s fist before it hits me, b/c he’s having a damn nightmare, and fighting zombies or some shit.

    He also talks, whistles and LAUGHS in his sleep. And lemme tell ya, nothing creepier than someone sleep laughing.

    Like

    impnotastepford recently posted When The Sh*t Hits The Fan.

  109. 111
    Femaelstrom

    About a month ago, I accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to put on a sports bra. And you guys, it turns out I PUNCH REALLY HARD. This is why I don’t work out.

    Like

  110. I used to knee myself in the face fairly frequently when doing highly imaginative gymnastics as a kid. I stepped on a dog bone last night, puncturing my foot in 3 places and making a dandy bruise. Today, the 90 pound dog fell off the bed. I laughed at his shame and said, “that’s what you get for making me step on your bone, doghole!” And now, DOGHOLE is my favorite new noncuss word.

    Like

  111. Long ago I had a weird little cat named ‘Banana Fishbone’. Banana didn’t like people much and was a loner so I felt pretty special because he liked to sleep on the pillow beside my head, which was the closest he ever came to me (or anyone) EVER. Whilst getting ready to sleep Banana would clean his rear toes by pulling the claws through his teeth, this would cause a little jerk of his head backwards as the claw came free (leaving the dirt or whatever behind in his mouth, so ewww…). One night he’s cleaning his rear claws and he gets stuck. A fat little cat with his foot stuck in his mouth squirming around on the pillow beside my head. A cat who doesn’t like people and doesn’t like to be touched at all. But he’s STUCK and I have to help, right? As I reach over towards him he panic realizing that someone wants to offer him some humanitarian assistance and gives a MIGHTY yank on the claw stuck between his teeth. this causes his (rock-filled, I am certain) head to slam back in to my face with incredible force. I sported a split lip and black eye for over a week because my weird-add rescue cat got his foot stuck in his mouth. So yeah…. cats and bed-related injuries are a definite thing.

    Like

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