19 years is angry men making you feel bad about peeing.

Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary and that means that Victor and I have been married for 19 years.

15 years was giant metal chickens and I think 17 years was when I rented that sloth and a tiny kangaroo to surprise Victor in our living room (he was very surprised) but I didn’t know what to do for year 19 until I saw this painting for sale in the lobby of a children’s pizza restaurant:

anchor2

Yes.  It’s the Anchormen, ready for a fight and armed with grenades and guns and  clubs.  And it is majestic.

Victor didn’t entirely see its magic and claimed that it didn’t match anything but in fairness I think that speaks to how uncolorful and non-violent the rest of the house is currently. But turns out that it totally goes in the guest bathroom.  The same one where I stuck a six-foot surprise bear mural on the wall.  So now it looks like the anchormen are fighting an angry grizzly, and that is the magic of our bathroom.

anchor

Victor says it’s unsettling to have an agitated Champ Kind’s junk staring him in the face while he’s peeing and I was like, “Why would his junk be in your face?  What are you doing in the bathroom?” and then Victor reminded me that men pee standing up.

And I was like, “Oh, right.  See!  19 years and we still have mystery in our marriage.  We are awesome.”

Victor disagrees that men standing up to pee is really “a mystery” but I think it’s all in how you look at it.  Plus, it’s nice because now when other men are peeing in our bathroom they’ll be less likely to make a mess because now there are four angry news men glaring at them threateningly, plus a giant bear waiting behind them.

Our bathroom theme is: "DON'T PEE ON THE SEAT. ASSHOLE."

Our bathroom theme is: “DON’T PEE ON THE SEAT. ASSHOLE.”

In fact, it might keep people out of the guest bathroom altogether which means less cleaning.   So basically for our 19th anniversary we got the present of people peeing in our bushes because our bathroom is now too intimidating to use.  So it’s a present for us and for our neighbors who I’m certain will be entertained by it all.

PS.  I just turned off the light in the bathroom and turns out that this painting FUCKING GLOWS IN THE DARK.  Sweet baby Jesus, y’all. It’s like if the Mona Lisa smelled of cinnamon rolls and also cured polio.

PPS.  Happy anniversary, Victor.  I love you madly.

179 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Oh Jenny thank you for that huge belly laugh. I LOVE that it glows in the dark. Brillilant.

    I’m not sure if I’d be brave enough to use your guest bathroom either.

    But regardless – happy anniversary!!

    Like

  2. I hit “send” too soon… wanted to ask if you are already thinking about what to do for the big 2-0?

    Like

    Ann St. Vincent recently posted What is chemistry, and how I know it’s there..

  3. You are pretty awesome at anniversaries.

    Like

  4. Y’all are unfettered romantics.

    Like

  5. I could totally get used to defecating in front of a glow in the dark Will Ferrell.

    Like

    Rob R recently posted REVEALED: Private Conversations Of Presidential Candidates.

  6. 6
    Crabbysister5

    Thank you for making my day

    Like

  7. I love your anniversaries, Jenny. Possibly more than Victor, but I can’t be 100% sure on that one…

    Like

  8. Snort.

    I agree with Ann, it’s never too early to start planning for 2-0.

    Like

    Kerri (The Maven) recently posted Greek Inspired Chicken Nachos.

  9. Y’all should be in the marriage hall of fame. And if that’s not a thing, you should write a letter to someone in high authority (Huey Lewis?) and have one created. Then be put in it. Happy Anniversary, you amazing people, you!

    Like

  10. Trying to decide i being married to you is the worst or the best thing. I bet Victor has been doing the same for the past 19 years.

    Like

  11. 11
    g2-ae6105c3b0a24b724f973ab36810c62a

    HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

    A couple of years ago I was staying in a chichi hotel, and they had weird photos in the rooms. Over the toilet was a photo of a very young (4-6?) boy, a Dickensian street urchin, looking askance at me. It was very unsettling.

    What I’m saying is that you should be a hotel manager, or at least their interior designer.

    (in case your blog s/w doesn’t say, this is Phil Plait here.🙂

    Like

  12. Ack, hit ‘send’ too fast. Actually, one of the Terror Toddlers did. That kid needs a nap. And so do I.

    Where was I?

    Ah yes. I’m willing to concede Victor enjoys your anniversaries more than I do, simply b/c he’s the one, yanno, actually married to you.

    But I think I might enjoy your anniversary gifts more than the ones I get, which means Wolf needs to step up his game.

    Like

    The Imp recently posted Boobs, And Other Summer Hazards.

  13. My life would be so colorless with out you. Happy Anniversary.

    Like

  14. 14
    Andrea C.

    I feel inadequate. I have been wracking my brain for what to do for our 25th, coming up in a couple months. Do you know if they have another of these paintings? Or if the artist would not mind re-creating his masterpiece on the side of a Harley Softtail? I am sure my husband would not mind.

    Like

  15. I’ve never wanted to pee in someone’s guest bathroom so badly in all my 36 years.

    Like

  16. That is, without a doubt, the most amazing guest bathroom ever. And I say that as a woman whose uncle’s bathroom had a framed picture of my own father after a hockey-fight that left him without front teeth, facing the toilet.

    Like

    Andie recently posted And then, all at once my head exploded - or - The tale of the world's tiniest violin, which I shall now play for these poor forsaken souls.

  17. 17
    Kelly Naylor

    I love you, Jenny! And you’ve given me a great idea for our 17th anniversary in October… I’ll use your 19th anniversary idea to “decorate” the guest bathroom so my dear Spousal Unit stops making such a mess in there! You and Victor are absolutely brilliant!

    Happy Anniversary to both of you.

    Like

  18. 18
    Laneycakes

    I would pay $5 and/or give you a sloth as a gift just for the chance to pee in that bathroom.

    Like

  19. I’m not even much of an Anchorman fan but this is the best thing ever. Especially since it glows. Things that glow in the dark are much greater than things that don’t.

    Like

  20. 20
    Laneycakes

    Related: Does anybody know where I can get a free sloth?

    Like

  21. I can just see the divorce proceedings…

    The judge: “You want a divorce because there’s a giant bear in the guest bathroom growling at your junk?

    Victor: “And four angry men.”

    Not that it’ll ever happen. Victor is obviously mad for you too.

    Like

    Diane Holcomb recently posted How to Get Back in the Writing Saddle When Life Bucks You Off the Horse.

  22. I wonder if the glow in the dark paint works like black lights that show cat pee? Then you’d know if someone violated the no-pee-on-the-seat sign immediately.

    Happy anniversary!

    Like

    Jess@NoPithyPhrase recently posted Mythic Monday: Hades and Cerberus...A God and his Dog.

  23. I fear you have created a different problem now Jenny. if it glows in the dark, people might try peeing with the lights out, and that just can not be good.

    Like

  24. You are the best at anniversaries. Ever. If Victor doesn’t see that, well, he just doesn’t appreciate your genius.

    Like

  25. I❤ U. Thank you for sharing your weird, your pain, your love, and your joy with us. Happy Anniversary.

    Like

  26. The Mona Lisa doesn’t smell of cinnamon, but Whistler’s Mother smells of Pepto-Bismol. It’s a well-known fact.

    Like

    notquiteold recently posted Don’t Ask Me To Pet-Sit.

  27. Congratulations to you and Victor. This post made me laugh out loud.

    Like

    Sue recently posted Maybe Bogie finally got the idea?.

  28. Happy Anniversary!

    Like

  29. It glows in the dark?!? THAT IS THE GIFT THAT KEEPS ON GIVING.

    Like

  30. That is a way better present than I got my hubby for our 16th wedding anniversary last month. Which was basically a card. I love it. Happy anniversary!

    Like

  31. Happy anniversary to both of you! When I buy a house I want to hire you to decorate it. Your next calling: interior design!

    Like

  32. That is perfect. In fact, I don’t think anyone should pee in their bathrooms, it would make cleanliness so much easier. Someone needs to work on a pill so I never have to pee again.

    Like

    Jane @ The Blue Morpho recently posted Angry at the Parents.

  33. 33
    Anonymous

    Well of course it glows in the dark! How could it not?!

    Like

  34. Victor is a lucky man. Or else your guests are lucky to be able to use that bathroom. Or both. I love the painting.

    Like

    Manicmom recently posted Summer in the whipping by age.

  35. I understand that men have the choice to pee while standing. What I don’t understand is WHY THEY NEVER WIPE. This leads to pee stains in underwear, which is gross and why men should have to do their own laundry.

    Like

    Janet Coburn recently posted Pets, etc.: Alternatives to Cats.

  36. So it think im just going to make a bit of code that just prints “holy shit I’m gonna piss,you make me laugh so hard”
    Because I can then save myself some time as most if your posts do that.
    I dont know how Victor doesn’t have a permanently sore face from laughing!
    tha.

    Like

  37. “It’s like if the Mona Lisa smelled of cinnamon rolls and also cured polio.” i think i need to use your bathroom because that made me pee a little. except i don’t know if i physically could with the giant bear on the wall.

    Like

  38. That is ridiculously awesome – as are you! Congrats to you and Victor! Happiest of anniversaries!

    Like

  39. Love the artwork, but those with a nervous bladder should be warned 🙂 Still think the Bear mural is the best house artwork I’ve ever seen.

    Like

  40. Happy anniversary! Years ago (like, back in the ’60s), my grandmother bought a three-foot-high crucifix that glowed in the dark. My mom still has it, under her bed, because it’s too large to hang on the wall. The glow in the dark paint wore off long before I was born but: imagine your typical crucifix with like, the bleeding wounds of Jesus and whatnot– only it goes when you turn off the lights.
    Also, my grandmother bought it from a door-to-door salesman and asked him to come back the next week so she could give him a second check for the balance due.

    This is probably why I never hid under my parents’ bed as a kid. Good job, Mom (and Grandma, whom I never met).

    Like

    graciesonnet recently posted As healed as I’ll ever be.

  41. glows when you turn off the lights.”

    WTF, me.

    Like

  42. ROFLOL

    Like

  43. That picture is everything. What an amazing anniversary gift!

    There were horses, and a man on fire, and I killed a guy with a trident. — I love Brick!

    Like

  44. You are the best wife that ever was. Don’t ever let Victor tell you any different!

    Like

  45. 45
    Stefanie Cloutier

    This really ups the ante on my upcoming 25th next month. But on the other hand, you and Victor are well matched, and I love that. Happy anniversary!

    Like

  46. You win at anniversaries.

    Like

    NancyTex recently posted it’s a dry heat.

  47. 47
    Fiery Pink Girl

    Happy anniversary to you and Victor!
    (And I’m celebrating the fact that this means I’ve been following you for 4 years now. 11 more years til OUR metal chicken. Love you Jenny!)

    Like

  48. I used to vacation at this cottage that had Anne Geddes prints on chip board hanging in the shower. One was of a baby laying in roses with a penis shaped rose-bud between it’s legs. I think your bathroom decor is far less disturbing than a penis shaped rose-bud watching me shower.

    Like

    Vanessa D. recently posted Hunting For The Perfect Chairs.

  49. I honestly wish I was married to you just so I could anniversary gifts like this, though my husband did bring me freshly made guacamole and chips for our 18th so that was pretty close to perfection.

    Like

  50. 50
    littlebirdwords

    I mean this in the least creepy way possible: my bucket list now includes being an invited guest in your house so I can pee in that bathroom.

    Like

  51. 51
    Nancy Powell

    This is simply awesome!

    Like

  52. Happy Anniversary! you are one of the best gift givers i know!

    Like

    Sin recently posted Living between two worlds otherwise know as I kissed a girl and liked it!.

  53. 53
    Tanya Stone

    I make my husband pee sitting down.

    Like

  54. Great, my 34th anniversary is in January and that’s what I was going to get my husband. Back to the drawing board!

    Like

  55. I’m moving today, and I so needed this!! I’ll share it with my roommates as room decoration inspiration! Thanks for the much appreciated injection of humor!

    Like

  56. You are a precious, precious cinnamon roll. Never change, Jenny. Never change.

    Like

  57. Maybe it’s just me but it looks like the Anchormen and Kevin are actually joining forces to destroy your bathroom cabinets. So it’s the cabinets that are unsettling, not the painting. Victor’s distrust of the Anchormen is therefore entirely misplaced and I think he owes them an apology.

    Happy anniversary, by the way.

    Like

    Spoken Like A True Nut recently posted Waiter, there’s a beach in my beach..

  58. Why is Victor peeing into the toilet sideways? THAT is the real question…

    Like

  59. 59
    headmeister

    I rarely comment on blogs, and I’ve never commented here, either. But… but that painting… I LOVE IT… wish I knew who the artist was so I could get one for my husband, because that kind of gift would be hard core.

    (It’s from Brass Monkey Studio in Austin. Not sure the actual artist or if they’re even painting anymore. ~ Jenny)

    Like

  60. I just saw on a vlog where a couple put a picture of them holding their noses in their guest bathroom. So when you sit down to do your business you look at them holding their noses. Hilarious!

    Like

  61. That is awesome! I bought my husband a horse head squirrel feeder because he hates the squirrels and this feeder makes the squirrels look like they’re wearing a horse mask. Which I thought was hilarious….until my 4 year old granddaughter asked her mother……Mom…why did gaga cut the head off that horse. I’ve damaged the child.

    Like

    Michelle recently posted The Naked Dream.

  62. 62
    AngieLives

    Happy anniversary to you and Victor. Jenny, you are a beautiful person!

    Like

  63. OMG, how can Victor not see the majestic glory of that painting??? It is a thing of beauty!!

    Like

  64. In dog years, that’s just a little under the lifetime of a star.

    Like

  65. Happy anniversary to you and Victor, Jenny. Did Victor mention that when men pee standing and they are together they ‘sword’ fight!!!

    Like

    Gary Lum recently posted Low fat salmon red curry with rice, quinoa and kale.

  66. My former roommate and I had a picture of us from the Dachshund Derby (standing in front of a giant dachshund statue, holding a dachshund, thumbs-upping at the camera) over our toilet. The first time we had men over, they were kind of horrified to find us enthusiastically thumbs-upping them while they urinated. Needless to say, we never moved the picture.

    Like

  67. Hey, my 39th wedding anniversary is tomorrow too! We got married in the Bicentennial Year. We thought being married on the 4th of July would make it easier to remember anniversaries. Plus, we can pretend everyone is shooting off fireworks just for us. Here in central Texas they have fireworks stands where you can “buy one, get eleven free!” Makes the celebration of our nuptials almost impossible to pass up. Happy 19th, Jenny and Victor! Glad to share the day with y’all.

    Like

    TexasTrailerParkTrash recently posted New Word of the Day: Whinarrhea.

  68. I was just telling my Gerald the other day that I’d like to make our hall bathroom more fun, more interesting. I’m thinking about buying that SWEET sloth shower curtain you linked to sometime back. But pretty sure now I have to do just more than the sloth. You’ve just upped the ante. I’m sure Gerald will thank you. I’ll try to remember to send you a pic after the remodel.🙂

    Like

    kdcol recently posted They see the signs.

  69. Happy 19th – keep raising the bar. I shudder to think of how awesome 20 will be. The fact that the painting glows is totally kick ass.

    Like

  70. Happy Anniversary… and your name should really be Jenny Awesome.

    Like

  71. I think it’s awesome that you remember how many years you’ve been married. This past year I gave my husband an anniversary card that said ” Happy 5 or 6 year anniversary .” I’m really not an insensitive bitch. I just can’t seem to remember !
    On an entirely different note: People who breed Chihuahuas who don’t know what they’re doing: ( the people, not the Chihuahua) STOP!!!

    (Sorry about that little rant, Jenny. I’m a vet tech & we are prepping for an emergency c-section because people are assholes!)

    Like

  72. You mean the Mona Lisa does not smell of cinnamon buns and doesn’t cure cancer?

    Well, cancel THAT trip to Paris. (Hrumph)

    Like

  73. 73
    alberzins

    A Texan (with a Big Schlong) and a Frenchman peeing side by side. Frenchman is staring at the Schlong. ‘Say Bo’ says the Texan, angry. Frenchman: ‘C’est Beau? Monsieur. C’est Magnifique!’

    Like

  74. So now I’m curious what “cured polio” smells like…

    Like

  75. I love that you and I share anniversary years. You got this for Victor and I got my husband POP Vinyl Daredevils.

    Also, can I come visit you? I’d like to take a picture with your bear.

    Like

    Kara recently posted Foo Fighters – Low.

  76. 76
    Anonymous

    It’s like the universe had a plan. Who would have thought that when you got the bear there would be a whole plotline to make it make sense? Now all you need is a “Sex Panther” by Odeon air freshner, with bits of panther, so you know it’s good (which your dad can probably totally get/make for you).

    (True story: I bought him Sex Panther cologne last year. IT’S REAL. ~ Jenny)

    Like

  77. Glows in the dark? My Lord, what next? Please, what next? LOL.Congrats on the anniversary.

    Like

  78. 78
    ocularnervosa

    Is that a Picasso? or a Pisscasso?

    Like

  79. 79
    Gunnhildur

    I would put that on the ceiling in the bedroom then put up a hidden camera to capture the reaction once the lights are out.

    Like

  80. Have a friend whose bathroom has a Samurai bringing down a sword on the wall behind the toilet. He took the picture and put it up, and I sure am glad I’m female.

    Like

  81. Have a friend with a big photo of a fierce samurai warrior bringing down his sword — on the wall just above the toilet tank. Lotsa guys peeing in the bushed there, or maybe on their feet.

    Like

  82. OH that’s hilarious!! And I thought the cat toilet training thing was a good idea to keep people out of my bathroom

    Like

  83. Victor is so lucky to have such a funny and irreverent wife🙂

    I look forward to every anniversary you have, even though I didn’t realize the date of your anniversary until this post…

    p.s. best bathroom decor EVER.

    Like

  84. I love your bathroom. Seriously this is epic.

    Like

    nlforst recently posted Housekeeping.

  85. 85
    Elizabeth B

    You always find the most awesome stuff! Happy anniversary!

    Like

  86. “It’s like if the Mona Lisa smelled of cinnamon rolls and also cured polio” OMG fml you just keep getting better and better. Totally made my shitty day awesome🙂

    Like

  87. Honestly? Even better than Beyonce, and that was pretty epic. Congratulations and may you have many, many more Anniversaries filled with the very best kind of wackiness. Hearts and Flowers and all that Good Stuff to you!

    Like

  88. Your post reminded me of the mid 70’s when I went to work for an undisclosed Federal Agency in Brownsville. I was one of four women in this agency and we had to share a bathroom with the men on our shift. (No such thing as separate bathrooms in those days). Anyway, the bathroom was covered with the centerfolds from Playboy, Esquire, etc. My friend Peggy and I pinned up the Burt Reynolds centerfold from Ms Magazine on the back of the door, and waited for the reaction. Nothing. After 2 days, we realized, the men were not facing the door when they peed. So we moved it to the wall in back of the toilet. Two days later all the centerfolds were removed

    Like

  89. I’m pretty sure I would not be able to pee with that bear behind me and those guys beside me.

    Like

  90. The “glows in the dark” part was my favorite plot twist in a blog post I’ve read in a while. Whoa! How could he not like it?

    Like

    Cary Vaughn recently posted How to be a Parent.

  91. 91
    Wildrider51

    You guys have such a great marriage. Happy anniversary, and here’s to 19 more (chugs wine)!

    Like

  92. 92
    helleanorrigby

    I decided that one night of sex is a decent enough anniversary present for my husband. Maybe this year, I, too, will try to incorporate a glow-in-the-dark component. Mr. Man would definitely be surprised about that!

    Like

  93. The painting and the bear totally tie in to Anchorman plot points! “I’m riding a furry tractor!” Brick on women:”I read somewhere their periods attract bears. The bears can smell the menstruation.”

    Like

    kstewand4cats recently posted A Poo of Intent.

  94. 94
    Julie Smith

    It is our 20th next week – Any ideas?

    Like

  95. I read “the guest bathroom altogether” as “guest bathroom alligator” and thought “no, brain, it’s a bear.” But maybe you do need an alligator?

    Anyway. Happy anniversary!

    Like

    Jen Donohue recently posted On Waking Up.

  96. I would love to see a picture of that glowing in the dark. And I second the decorating hotel lobbies comment.🙂

    Like

  97. O.M.G.
    I’m rarely speechless.
    Um… [crickets]

    Like

    Dark Matter Zine recently posted Superheroes Anonymous by Lexie Dunne.

  98. Happy anniversary!, victor must know he is the luckiest man in the world

    Like

  99. Totally jealous that Victor’s anniversary present glows in the dark! Now I’m wondering what he gave you? You guys must be so much fun to shop for! Happy 19th Anniversary!

    Like

  100. I just have to say thank you for sharing your mind with us. You are truly a unique voice. I absolutely love it. And Happy Anniversary!

    Like

  101. 102
    Ms. Jean

    Happy Anniversary, you two crazy kids. You guys are proof that marriage takes hard work and a great sense of humor. My idea for your 20th: the traditional gift is China… how ’bout a panda of your very own?

    Like

  102. Happy anniversary. Intimidation is perfect for ANY anniversary

    Like

    Elyse recently posted Why I Don’t Pray.

  103. You know that fluorescent dye your eye doc puts in your eyes during exams? If you put a little of that stuff in your party-punch, it will render your guests’ urine fluorescent. All that remains is to stick a black light in your guest bathroom. (I learned of this from my eye doc, who went to some crazy frat parties back in the day.)

    I pass this tip along because I love you. You deserve maximum WOW in your guest bathroom, which is fast approaching perfection. Guests will not be peeing in the bushes. They will be lining up for the stellar experience. Halley will be selling tickets (if she’s as smart as we all know she is). You get 10% (it’s only fair). Up to you if you want to cut Victor in. Me? I’d want to see an attitude improvement. Just saying.

    I don’t know how you’ll score some of that dye. Maybe invite your eye doctor to your next party…

    Like

  104. Wouldn’t it be even better if the four angry anchormen were at junk level, instead of the other way around? Oops, no, hygiene. Forget I mentioned it.

    Like

  105. Words do not do this justice

    Like

    judyt54 recently posted I just saw him....

  106. Didn’t you (aside from Beyoncé) have/celebrate an anniversary at a theater in Texas where Victor bought 100 bucks worth of popcorn, or something, that you drowned peeps with one year? I seem to recall something about $ being spent on popcorn that was for a hotel room ,and eating used popcorn??? Maybe it wasn’t for your anniversary…but I’m 100% sure I have the correct Jenny/Victor who had that popcorn throwing date.

    (We totally did that. ~ Jenny)

    Like

  107. You had me at Glow In The Dark. Happy anniversary!

    Like

  108. Thank you, just thank you. It is truly majestic.

    Like

    mmaxwellbey recently posted little steps, big steps.

  109. 110
    Doug in Oakland

    All I can say is that Victor is one lucky motherfucker…

    Like

  110. Effing love that!!! You rock. Oh, but you already knew how awesome you were so this is merely rhetoric. Well played, well played. The wife got me a Zero Fox Given shirt for Father’s day so this is kind of the same thing.😉

    Like

  111. 112
    Anonymous

    This is brilliant. Totally brilliant. Love you, Miss Jenny.

    Like

  112. I need to be married to you

    Like

  113. 114
    itsasecret

    Happy Anniversary Victor and Jenny!

    Like

  114. Awesome! LOL….. T:)

    Like

  115. It glows in the dark?!?! I want one!!

    Like

  116. 117
    JustBree

    The PS makes the whole post…sprayed OJ all over my screen when I read that.

    Like

  117. My husband is officially jealous of your husband. I am gift buying challenged when it comes to finding things for him (ie birthdays, Fathers Day, anniversary and even Christmas). I think one year I bought him some towels, I thought they were nice.

    Like

  118. I bought a book at Goodwill once. I only read a couple of chapters – it was awful. I was going to get rid of it, but then I turned the lights out and it GLOWS IN THE DARK. Now I have to keep the wretched thing forever. (it’s just the cover that glows, not the whole book)
    meow meow meow

    Like

  119. This is so awesome, words can’t do it justice.

    Like

    chasingmrx recently posted Mr. X, Mr. T and Myself.

  120. sheesh, I forgot the whole point – which is – Sometimes it’s NOT what’s inside that counts.
    meow meow meow

    Like

  121. 122
    Mastiffcat

    Happy Anniversary! You have the best guest bathroom in the world and Victor is lucky to have you. And you, him.

    Like

  122. That it glows in the dark is so perfect.

    Happy Anniversary to you and Victor.

    I told my grandmother after 70 years that it was time for a change…. She laughed. My grandfather referred to her as his bride their whole lives together. May you and Victor live as long and as well. Or even longer if you are so inclined. xoxo

    Like

  123. Your anniversary is on my birthday! Huzzah! My mom had a 3D holographic picture of Captain Jean-Luc Picard in her bathroom, for years. I’ll just let that sink in a moment. Happy anniversary!

    Like

  124. There are fireworks going off behind them. Clearly it was Meant To Be.

    Like

  125. I cannot WAIT to meet you when you come to Nashville on your book tour. When I’m having a rotten day and read your blog, I remember what we’re here for. I think we should all celebrate a “the first time I read a blog by Jenny” anniversary!

    Like

  126. Victor: Just look straight ahead and you’ll be fine…really. smirk For several years, I had a reproduction of a hilarious old Scott Paper Towels ad from the ’30s with a pissy looking guy wiping his hands and the caption “Is Your Washroom Breeding Bolsheviks?” hanging behind my toilet until I put a shelving unit behind it to hold bathroom junk; the poster now lives on the outside of the door (because too many male roommates and guests complained about the guy checking out their junk), and when you’re sitting on the can there’s a metal reproduction sign advertising Vinolia Soap as the kind used to stock the first class suites on the Titanic facing you. Oh, and for years I had the Gashleycrumb Tinies up, and would periodically hear people reading it out loud…”A is for Amy who fell down the stairs, B is for Basil assaulted by bears…” Add to this one of my oldest and dearest friends having a life-size poster of Clark Gable as Rhett Butler posted in such as way as to make it appear he was leering at whoever was in the bathtub, and, well…if I’m ever in your part of Texas, can I come pee at your place? I promise not to dribble on the toilet seat…

    Like

  127. You are the most serendipitous shopper EVAH.

    Like

  128. I would contend that the Anchorman’s junk is not “in” your face while you pee, but actually over your shoulder. Watching your back. Saying, “It’s all good, friend. Go ahead and pee without fear. We got this shit. We are protecting you.” I feel better already.

    Like

    Jess recently posted I Feel Like I Am on Pins and Needles….

  129. Jenny, I just saw this on FB and thought of you right away. I’m betting it’s a doll you’d appreciate. 🙂 https://scontent-mia1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpt1/v/t1.0-9/11180638_656341764509528_657897618508103212_n.jpg?oh=8315a529d38be8e1663c0acea885a58e&oe=560F40AA

    Like

  130. I. Love. Lawson.

    Like

  131. Congratulations on 19 years of marriage. That is marvelous and beautiful.
    I would like to come over solely for the purpose of using your guest bathroom. I won’t, because we don’t know each other and I understand boundaries, but I’ll still want to.

    Like

    Emelie Samuelson (@AwkwardlyAlive) recently posted Goodbye Long Distance, Hello Neighbor.

  132. Just sayin’. Happy anniversary! Can’t wait to see your gift for the 20th. And now a note for Victor:

    Dear Victor, Your eyes should be where you’re aiming, not on Champ’s junk. Unless, of course, you’re aiming at Champ’s junk, then rock on.

    Like

  133. Please post a pic of the pic in the dark, so we can see the glow!

    Like

  134. 135
    Nedra Blaker

    Hey Jenny, Hit it Rich Casino game on Facebook is using your picture (leaves instead of curlers) in one of the games (Mystic Maidens).

    Like

  135. You need to figure out how to hang it over the toilet so it is staring directly at all man peeing. something like, I dare you, I dare you to make a mess.

    Like

  136. If my husband bought me that painting for our anniversary, I’d marry him again. It out-does the huge, gold-leafed “P” we have over our toilet by a long shot. You may have the coolest bathroom in the history of the universe.

    Like

    Megan Premo recently posted June Sucked…and Then It Didn’t..

  137. I hope that my relationship is this fun after 19 years of marriage.

    Also that my guest bathroom is that majestic.

    Like

    silencekilledthedinosaurs recently posted The Liebster Blog Award.

  138. Shy bladder? No problem. You’ve got a bathroom that’ll scare the pee out of anyone.

    Happy anniversary.

    Like

  139. 140
    Anonymous

    You really set the anniversary bar high! You are excellent at gift giving. Victor is a lucky man!

    Like

  140. who needs a gift guide when you got Jenny Lawson!

    Like

    deliriouspancake recently posted I need a bounty hunter for an 8 year old boy.

  141. Lovin’ the painting! The fact that it glows just makes it even better. Hope you had a great anniversary!

    Like

    laura recently posted For Jamie.

  142. Hope you had a Happy Anniversary and those 4 angry men and the bear didn’t scare the pee out of you and onto the seat!

    Like

    terib19 recently posted I Am the Sandwich Generation.

  143. I want this so freakin’ bad. And I would totally put it in my guest bathroom. Now I must search for this painting (and the glow in the dark part is essential. ESSENTIAL I TELL YOU!)

    Like

  144. Seriously….if anyone knows where I can get this, message me at colleenflorida@att.net. I NEED THIS!

    Like

  145. 146
    Mastiffcat

    You are losing it. Everyone knows that Sloths and Tiny Kangaroos are the 16th. But what are 17th and 18th?!

    I adore you. And Victor. And Hailey. Lawson is awesome.

    Like

  146. who is the artist of this pop culture phenom painting…come on Jenny be the Oprah of the strange and unusual and tell us who did this

    Like

  147. When your house in non-violent and boring, I do believe a glow-in-the-dark explosive painting is probably a good option. But only you would think of that:). I’m just following, a step behind . . .

    Like

    candidkay recently posted Shiny and new.

  148. 149
    Smushy's Mom

    That is freaking awesome!! I want one too.

    Like

  149. Congratulations on making it through 19 years of not going to prison for murder!

    Like

    Karen Marie Peterson recently posted How to Survive in the Blogging World if You’re Not a Mommy Blogger.

  150. You should plant a knife in that bear’s paw.

    Like

    Shawna recently posted Swim Day.

  151. You know how some people are all “I want love like [insert Disney movie here]”? Or when they see an old couple walking hand-in-hand down the street and say the same thing, but without the Disney movie part? I totally don’t want that. I want a marriage like yours. You and Victor should hold couples’ retreats and stuff.

    Like

  152. Just too fabulous.

    Like

    chelo recently posted White Wedding Decor.

  153. Please post a picture of that painting glowing in the dark.

    Like

  154. I think the bear will sufficiently scare the pee out of people.

    Like

  155. 156
    siglindesarts

    I am laughing so hard I am weeping and barely able to type!

    Like

  156. You need to make this a business. Like, you should offer your services of amazing anniversary gifts. The world would be a better place, I’m sure.

    Like

    nicolesundays recently posted in plain sight, in plane flight.

  157. 158
    Rayne Millaray

    If we ever meet face to face, it’s going to have to be somewhere that is not your house. That, or I’ll have to hold it until I leave. Faces in the bathroom. Sheesh!

    Like

  158. This right here is just one more reason why I love you! This bathroom is kick ass. You give the best anniversary presents! Loved the 17 year animal gifts. Why can’t we keep the kangaroo and just train it to bring us drinks in spash proof cups? ha ha ha. Happy anniversary!

    Like

  159. Am I the only one who thinks it looks like they’re laughing at the peeer’s (pee-er’s?) junk? Talk about intimidating……..😀

    Like

  160. I live for the day when Victor retaliates with a wedding anniversary present of his own that is spectacular/enraging/unexpected.

    That payback might suck for you, but boy oh boy will it ever make for a great blog post!

    Like

    balletandboxing recently posted Follow-up to sexting post: a cake rant.

  161. Your posts make me happy🙂

    Like

  162. This is post is 6 days old. Why is there no photo of it glowing in the dark? Why? I searched the comments and no one even asked. IT’S LIKE YOU PEOPLE DON’T EVEN CARE!

    Pretty please, with you-make-my-dark-hole* better on top?

    *That’s depression, not something lewd.

    Like

  163. happy anniversary!!hope it ruled!! that is one violent bano!! also, larry david pees sitting down..ya know, in case he ever goes over there. (youtube it)

    Like

  164. I cannot tell you how much my teenage son would covet that painting! when he grows up, he’d be a happy man to marry someone like you. best wishes!

    Like

  165. I grinned so much while reading this out loud to my husband that my face hurts now. It’s so awesome; that’s the most I’ve smiled in about a fortnight. ^_^

    Like

  166. I am ducking this up but I think I’m in trouble. Please reply on Monday.

    Like

  167. I deal with a lot of others problems. And I think I am tapped out. Schizophrenic husband with hepatitis c. 400 lbs son with bipolar. Niece with no motivation who loves the animals. And a bad childhood. Thinking in an alcoholic phase. I’m just lost. And old. And the optimism I had is fading. Can you help? Get to me via work email. I’m it and I only read emails at work. But I resonate to you. VtomlIn@ppg.com

    (I’m not really qualified to help with this sort of stuff but I can tell you that you are not alone and that it’s okay to ask for help yourself. You can’t solve everyone else’s problems. There are some support groups that can be of great help to you. Sending love. ~ Jenny)

    Like

  168. You give the BEST presents! xo

    Like

    Amy M recently posted Hello Carvoeiro!.

  169. 171
    Anonymous

    Oh that’s why I feel good here! “Not qualified”? Well then who the he’ll is? I will seek out someone who might help. Not sure of this you understand but trying… aren’t we all just trying?

    Like

  170. 172
    Anonymous

    You have a beautiful soul miss jenny. Believe it! You care and not many can say that.

    Like

  171. Reblogged this on Becoming Zach and commented:
    Because….

    Like

  172. OMG! I may have just snort-laughed repeatedly reading this. Our 15th anniversary is coming up in September and I would love some suggestions on epic gifts for my husband!

    Like

    Meridath Death recently posted Sugar Detox Week 3: Complete (Sort Of).

  173. I only wish I had been able to stay married long enough to someone that they would appreciate the likes of your bathroom…thanks for the amusement…

    Like

  174. 176
    Anonymous

    ME-WANTEE!!!!!

    Like

  175. I envy your glow-in-the-dark screamingly angry men art! In my own world, my guest bathroom is full of those lenticular old Victorian photos that morph into monsters, weird vintage monster art by a friend of mine, and vintage dental weirdness I collect. My sister says she can’t use my guest bathroom anymore; it’s too distracting to pee. I argue it fits with the original “Victorian” theme, albeit more “pain and horrible medical procedures” sort of Victorian…

    Like

  176. “PS. I just turned off the light in the bathroom and turns out that this painting FUCKING GLOWS IN THE DARK.” black velvety felt vs high lighters vs blacklight vs bathroom = best pee everrr if i only had a candle or 7

    Like

  177. So did I leave not a thing? Damn. I was reaching out.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s