I was in New York last month recording the audiobook for FURIOUSLY HAPPY and I just realized I never wrote about the stuff I saw. So here we go…
First off, am I the only person who sees human faces in non-human things? Is that normal? Because I kept seeing panicked, screaming faces on the plane:
Victor and Hailey came down for a few days after I was done so we took her to a toy store and Iron Man was there. We didn’t get a picture with him because he was on break, and by “on break” I mean “hiding behind the green screen and looking as if he was taking a shit in the trash can.” A normal person would have looked away but I am not normal so here you go:
Then when I thought it couldn’t get any weirder I realized that there was a small crowd of people on the street watching Iron Man possibly poop into his ironman toilet. These were the people:
Then I looked back and saw Iron Man flash his hand-light-thing at them. I tried to get a picture but I missed it and this is what I got instead.
Don’t fuck with Iron Man when he’s pooping, y’all.
At the same store they were selling a really unfortunately named candy:
So, does “dingleberry” not mean the same thing up north? Because in Texas, dingleberries are the dried balls of feces that get stuck to the hairy buttholes of farm animals. Is that not common knowledge? Is this a tongue-in-cheek joke by Big Gummy Bear, or was someone in marketing fucking with them when they offered up that name and the execs were like, “DINGLEBEARIE? THAT IS FUN TO SAY. PRINT UP A BILLION.” I suspect it’s the latter because I saw a ton of people stop by the display and all of them were like, “Yum! Let’s get these! Dinglebearies sound delicious! What will they think of next?” And that’s a good question and one I don’t think I want to know the answer to.
Then I decided to do a sight-gag by taking a picture of myself in the NYT building so I could tweet “I’M IN THE NEW YORK TIMES TODAY, Y’ALL” but turns out they keep those doors locked. But then someone was walking out of the building so I grabbed the door before it shut and snuck in as he was leaving so Victor could take the picture:
Security didn’t think it was as funny as I did but on the bright side I did think it would be more entertaining to tweet pictures of me possibly being arrested. And then I felt like this picture was a little boring compared to the picture I didn’t get of me not getting arrested so I didn’t share it. Until now, that is. Because I didn’t want to end with dingleberries. No one wants that.