Did you know that if you search for “giant dildo” on Amazon my first book is the 4th thing that shows up? Not that I was searching for giant dildos. I mean, I was but only because someone else told me that if you search for “giant dildo” my book pops right up (Her: “It’s awesome that your work is so versatile and all, but I’m a little concerned about paper cuts”) and I thought she was fucking with me, but then I checked myself and she was totally right.
And what’s even more baffling here is that no dildos showed up at all. Way to frustrate your customers, Amazon. There were some “party beads” that showed up at the end of the first page, which is weird because what kind of party are you having?
I mean, not that I’m judging you. After all, I just unsuccessfully looked for giant dildos and ended up finding myself. Jesus. That sounds even worse when I write it out.
But in my defense, I also looked up my upcoming book and Amazon said it was the #1 new release in “Medical Psychology Pathologies”, which is nice because now when I go to dinner parties with strangers and they’re like, “Oh, I’m familiar with your work. I found it while looking for giant dildos” I can say, “I’m not sure what you’re referring to. I’m the #1 Medical Psychology Pathologies author in America. Good luck hunting for your giant dildo though.”
PS. You can look all this up on Amazon to confirm it but you will get a shitload of inappropriate google ads based on your search history and then later when you go to show your grandmother some kittens on Facebook your computer will be like “HEY! DID YOU FIND THAT GIANT DILDO YOU WERE LOOKING FOR? CHECK THESE OUT!” Just an FYI, y’all. ‘Cause I care.
And now, the weekly wrap-up…
Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):
- As requested, #WheresRory shirts to confuse everyone around you.
- Day made.
- Have you checked out #WheresRory lately? Because it just keeps getting more fantastic.
- Notice me, Senpai! NOTICE ME!:
This week’s wrap-up is brought to you once again by Kathleen Flinn’s Burnt Toast Makes You Sing Good, a memoir with recipes said to be “hilarious” by Redbook and “poignant” by Kirkus Reviews and “cheaper, now that it’s in paperback” by the author. The book was a finalist in the IACP Cookbook Awards, Goodreads Choice Awards, the Northwest Book Awards and was named a 2015 Michigan Notable Book. To celebrate the paperback, Kathleen is doing a full month of giveaways that include kitchen stuff such as a full-on canning setup, a fancy Wusthof knife and a whole bunch of jars of blueberry jam that she claims to be making herself. You should go check it out (and enter the contest) here.