What if I fuck this up?

First off, my book is officially released to the public at midnight tonight and I’m terrified and excited all at once.  I’m getting tons of tweets from people who’re getting notifications that it’ll arrive at their house in the morning, and a few who somehow got it early and are already enjoying it.  I can only assume those people convinced their bookstore that today is Tuesday, or possibly they know the value of well-placed bribes.  Either way, I salute you.

Tomorrow is the book launch party and you have to come.  If you don’t know what I’m talking about go here for the details.  It’s all online so you can come even if you’re in your pajamas or nude or a cat.  (I mean, you can even come if you are a cat.  Not if you’re in a cat.  Don’t do that.  Ew.)  I’m still looking though all of your party name suggestions and I can’t pick just one so I’m currently leaning toward “The Church of Bloggessianism Presents The Furiously Happy Hour Fight Club Nonsexual-Orgy Featuring John Stamos If He Feels Like Getting In a Blanket Fort with Ferris Mewler and a Taxidermied Raccoon: The WE’RE HERE AND WE’RE NOT USED TO IT Party“.  I doesn’t quite fit on a t-shirt though.

introvert

BUT!  I’m afraid of technology so tonight let’s do a 5 minute test, okay?  If you happen to be online tonight (Monday) at 6pm central go here to this test page I just made and we’ll see if it works, okay?  This is not the same page that the actual party will be tomorrow (Tuesday).  See my last post for that link.  And if everything goes pear-shaped on Tuesday then we’ll just take over twitter, or I’ll break into the business center down the street and conduct the largest conference call in the world.  Whatever.  It’s our party and we’re winging it.  Prepare to take to the streets if necessary.  And by “take to the streets” I mean “hide in your bathroom with your phone.”

PS. John Stamos is not in any way expected to be here but he hasn’t blocked me yet on twitter and – in fact – he’s following me so I suspect he’s an introvert like us and will be lurking.  He seems like a lurker.  But in a really good way.

PPS.  I think this is the first time I’ve ever shared a recipe on this blog but just in case you want to match what we’ll be drinking here tomorrow during the Furiously Happy Hour I’m sharing a few of my drink recipes…

Cheap Shame:  Mix one part Strawberry Hill to one part Sprite.  Serve over ice in a disposable cup.  Remember 7th grade with equal parts fondness and horror.

Booze slushie:  Make a snow cone using your vintage knuckle-scraper Snoopy snow-cone maker.  After 15 minutes, a broken knuckle and two inches of melted snow-cone give up and curse loudly.  Go buy a real snow cone maker or a blender.  Pour whatever you have over the snow cone.  I prefer Chambord, cheap amaretto, box wine, or that rum Kenny Chesney makes.  Stop judging me.

The menstruating unicorn:  Smirnoff Ice over Cherry 7-up served with a lit sparkler.  Watch your bangs, y’all.

Water:  It’s just water.  It’s what I drink when I’m thirsty and it’s very refreshing.  I recommend.

150 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Everything about the Menstruating Unicorn drink is wrong … from the name … to the ingredients … to the possibility that people have bangs. Bangs? Really?
    I’m going with tequila.

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    Daddy Scratches recently posted Dear Gene Simmons of KISS, a.k.a. My Childhood Hero: I think there’s been a terrible misunderstanding. Either that, or you’re an overly sensitive dick. I’m hoping it’s the former..

  2. My Canadian delivery window is Sept 25-29. Is it too late to swear on the stars and stripes?

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    Kristine @ MumRevised recently posted Fuck Cancer! You Can’t Take My Friends!.

  3. John Stamos will be at my house.

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    Michelle recently posted Okay, But What Is Your Writing Process?.

  4. Stanley Farrell from Brazil here, 44-year-old male, father of three boys (in other words, we really have NOTHING in common whatsoever). I just recently found out about your “Let’s pretend it never happened” book (though I had seen the book cover on Amazon countless times and never given it the time of day). Well, I bought it and read it all in record time last week. It was a great read, and I often found myself reaching for my Kindle even when I knew I’d have a five-minute interval only (between meetings and whatnot). You made me laugh the good laugh, Mrs.Lawson, and I thank you for that. Have pre-ordered the new one already, naturally. All the best to you!

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    Stanley Farrell recently posted Apple of My Eye.

  5. Congrats! I hope to meet you at your signing in Denver.
    “Hey!” to John Stamos if you’re lurking….

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  6. You’re going to rock it. Truly!

    Like

  7. Hey! I never got sparkler with my menstruation! WANT!
    Because that couldn’t be or smell or feel bad.

    Like

  8. @Daddy Scratches. She’s not implying people HAVE bangs. She’s implying you will if you don’t watch that sparkler. SO really it should say watch FOR bangs. You’re welcome.

    Like

  9. I love a party I don’t actually have to attend. I will totally be with you in spirit and maybe online but definitely while I watch the rest of season 4 of Scandal on one click of fast forward. (Because then I can watch a 40-minute episode in 30 minutes is why. My library charges a dollar a day with no grace period for overdue DVDs. I don’t have a lot of time.)

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    the gold digger recently posted In which Primo returns home after being gone for two weeks and we go through all the rituals except having a fight.

  10. Best bookmark ever in the history of bookmarks – “Testing. Because what if I fuck this up – Google+”

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    Kara recently posted Glen Hansard – Her Mercy.

  11. Bob Saget will be at my house.

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    This British-American Life recently posted Who Has More Intelligence?.

  12. Mixing cocktails is too much work. I’m just going to break open a glow stick and pour it in a Mountain Dew.

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    Christopher recently posted Out, About, And Read All Over..

  13. I almost choked on my root beer shake at the menstruating unicorn. I love you Jenny.

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    Brian recently posted aw hell.

  14. I will attend the book party, but sans book😛 I preordered from Amazon.ca back in may, and its not shipping till tomorrow and says it won’t arrive till late next week. sigh. the things i do to save 10$. On the bright side, i haven’t finished Felicia Day’s book yet so i have something to tide me over.

    (Love Felicia’s book. And you don’t have to have read anything to attend the party because I’ll read some stuff to you. I GOT YOU COVERED. ~ Jenny)

    Like

  15. So, if I start drinking now, I can justify that I’m just insanely early for the online party? I LOVE THIS.

    Like

  16. May be skipping a Girl Scout Leader Summit meeting for your party Tuesday. Can you write me a note? 😉

    (Totally. Please excuse Maura from Girl Scouts. She is busy getting her badge in being FURIOUSLY HAPPY. ~ Jenny)

    Like

  17. My book came today. I’m assuming it’s because I’ve slept with a UPS driver.

    (YOU MUST TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT IT. I’m on pins and needles knowing that people will be reading it soon. ~ Jenny)

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  18. 18
    inkstainedpaws

    I can go to the party at least!!!!!! Yay!

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  19. My recipe for wine slushie: Recommended wine is blackberry merlot
    Poor into container of choice and freeze for a minimum of four hours. Scrape frozen wine into pile of slush. Eat with spoon.

    Like

  20. I’ll try to be there on time, but do we have any idea how long this will be? Because I will totally ride the el instead of the subway so that I can follow along on my phone if it’s going to be a short party.

    And if I do miss it? Well, I’ll see you in 5 weeks in Chicago!!! (Where you will be about a mile from my house in case you need a quick getaway place to hide that has cats and where I would happily let you make a fort under the dining room table.)

    (The test tonight will probably just be a few minutes. The party tomorrow will probably be an hour. Maybe longer if we get weird. Jump in and out as you like. ~ Jenny)

    Like

  21. Finally, a water recipe for the average home cook! You’re the greatest.

    Also I don’t have a coat of arms but now I want to make one up just so I can use “we’re here and we’re not used to it” as the motto.

    Like

  22. 22
    Theresa Nolan

    I got my Amazon email that my copy is on it’s way, yay!! My latest obsession is lurking on Periscope, have you scoped yet?

    (I’m just now figuring out how to do google hangouts 5 years late. I’ll learn Periscope in 2031, I suspect. ~ Jenny)

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  23. Got three notifications from Amazon. Woohoooo! And we have to cross the border to NH to buy sparklers and bring them back to Massachusetts illegally. I may just make that drink for my birthday next weekend.

    Remember we all get it. The anxiety. If we didn’t, well we truly cannot be a follower of yours. Never worry, we understand.

    Like

  24. Wait….there is more than one Celeste?

    Like

  25. Because I pre-ordered with another book, they will be shipped together. In early October. sigh But I’ll be at the party tomorrow anyway.

    Like

  26. I read, I laughed, then I announced loudly to my coworkers, “I love Jenny Lawson.” Since I’m also representing the Unicorn Success Club on my mousepad, they knew what I meant.🙂

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  27. Sooooo… do we need a camera on our computer to join the par-tay? Will there a thousand tiny little faces looking at you on your screen? Like the Brady Bunch screen on acid? Just wondering. Mostly I need to know if I need to get our of my jammies in order to attend. Not that it’s a dealkiller (but it could be).

    (No cameras needed. If this works right the only naked people you’ll see will be my cats. ~ Jenny)

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  28. I’m also one of those people who ordered from Amazon and I’m being told they can’t tell me my ship date yet. Boo. On the plus side, I’m hoping it’s because so many people ordered your book that they’re having a hard time keeping up with the shipping.
    I’m going to try to make it to the party. I desperately wish you were coming to the Boise, Idaho area for a book signing because I’d be there in a heartbeat. As it is, I’m trying to convince my husband that we should 6 1/2 hours to see you in November in Portland. (Crossing my fingers there aren’t any snow storms during that time). Thanks for making me smile.

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  29. Well, tomorrow is my birthday and I’m in Germany. 6pm central is 1am here. Plus, I’m moving to England on Friday, and they are one hour behind, so it’ll be midnight there. I’M TOTALLY COUNTING THIS AS A SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY GUYS. I will be there in my best birthday underwear, drinking the last of my orange juice with the cheap vodka I once bought for a craft project. The suspiciously dusty bottle of culled wine I will save for the real party.

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  30. UPS tells me that in spite of what Amazon thinks my copy of the book will show up sometime today. I also pre-ordered the ebook, which, since I’m on Pacific Time means I will receive it at about 9pm. Here I am, messin’ with the time stream.

    Like

  31. My husband wants to attend too. He read your first book and started calling you “The Vagina Lady,” so I guess that’s OK.

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  32. Your response to a comment: (The test tonight will probably just be a few minutes. The party tomorrow will probably be an hour. Maybe longer if we get weird. Jump in and out as you like. ~ Jenny)

    IF we get weird? Really? You think there’s any possibility whatsoever that we won’t get weird?

    Like

  33. I don’t have Furiously Happy yet, and I haven’t even pre-ordered it because I’m a shitty, shitty person. In my defense, I’m still trying to work up the nerve to brave a trip into Houston to come to Friday’s signing, and I don’t know what the rules are. I’m sure I can bring my own book, but isn’t that kind of like bringing my own Happy Meal to a friend’s dinner party? You know, just in case I didn’t like what they’re having, and also if I had friends.

    So IF I make it to the signing, I was planning on buying it there. If I don’t make it to the signing because I’m a wee little scaredy baby, then I’ll buy it locally and then read it at home in the dark where nobody can see my shame.

    But I’ll try and be there tonight! I’m in southeast Texas, so I’m used to Central time. Only I’m still not used to Daylight Saving Time and I never will be. It’s of the devil.

    I’ll be there tomorrow, too! Assuming, of course, that tonight’s test goes well and isn’t a crushing technological defeat that cancels The Party With The Impossibly Long Name. I’ll cross my fingers.

    And I’ll bite my fingernails, too. Just to be safe, and also because that’s already a thing I do anyway.

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  34. I think I’ve seen those Snoopy sno-cone makers fairly recently. I had one as a kid. Ah the good old days of exposing young fingers to cheese grater metal and shitty plastic crank handles.

    See you tomorrow!!

    Like

  35. Everything about this was funny!

    Like

  36. I do hope it’s designer water. I will not drink water unless it is exorbitantly priced. When I went to France on business (which was my first time in Europe – or anywhere for that matter) – the waiter asked me if I wanted water with or without gas. I chose without.

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    notquiteold recently posted Distracted – In The Best Way!.

  37. You won’t fuck it up. Whatever you do will be fine. Even if we hear a voice coming from under your desk, or from beneath a blanket, we will be there to support you. And if it comes down to it, we will be furiously happy to watch Ferris Mewler licking his balls for an hour…. Although, if he does that for an hour, you’d better take him to the vet.❤

    Like

  38. Ha, I had one of those Snoopy snowcone makers as a kid. I don’t remember making many snowcones with it.

    Like

  39. Ok. I love you but I must stop reading your posts at work while trying to simultaneously answer the phone. It did not go well. I may (and by may I mean definitely) just happen to be up at a few minutes after midnight to see if Furiously Happy has downloaded to my Kindle.

    Like

  40. 😦 Your party is right after the start of Yom Kippur, so we’re not allowed to go. I wonder if anyone would notice me snickering at services if I stuck in a prayer book cover…

    (My editor said the same thing. It should go on youtube though afterward so you can still be be there, but more like a time traveler enjoying a party in the future. ~ Jenny)

    Like

  41. can we come to the book signing parties in our pajamas?

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  42. Screw it, I’ll be over here drinking REAL Texas cheap ass booze…BOONE’S FARM.

    Like

  43. I’m sad. I just realized that I will be in class during the party. =( Maybe I can bribe my professor and we can all join in the fun. But I’m going to guess we’d be fully clothed.

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  44. kristen, the correct question is in fact “can we come to the book signing parties in anything other than pyjamas?” and the answer is “well, if you really HAVE to”.

    Like

  45. Grr… I preordered my book months ago. It’s shipping to my home in Florida. I am currently in Utah. Won’t be back in Florida til February. I forsee a problem.

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  46. Hey now Daddy Scratches, some of us DO have bangs, yes. Blame my round Irish face for their necessity. Would it help to know they are very modern bangs and not at all of the 1970s feathered variety?

    Can’t wait for the party, Jenny!! The thought of sharing booze slushies with awesome people around the world fills me with irrepressible joy.

    Like

  47. The audiobook via amazon should arrive tomorrow, but Barnes & Noble has not told me when the book will arrive. Grrrrrrrr!

    Like

  48. I bought my copy of your book in a grocery store on Saturday!!! I am in Canada and I already started reading it🙂

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  49. If my past experience hold true, I might have the book in my Kindle before bed! I am so excited!

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  50. Respect to you for using “if it all goes pear-shaped” in the correct UK context.🙂
    If you want to carry on with the UK theme, “bangs” are called “fringe” here. Don’t have a good explanation for that, but there you go.
    Bailey’s makes a decent slushie if you runout of Chambord.
    Despite your self-questioning, which I totally understand and empathise with, try to focus on the fact that you are among friends. This audience which you have cultivated over the years appreciates you, and wants you to be happy and successful.
    Well done, you!!🙂

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  51. oh for heaven’s sake. call it Party at Jenny’s Place. =)

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  52. By adjusting the font size, ANYTHING can fit on a T-shirt!

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  53. I’ll party with y’all. I pre-ordered my book from the bookstore in Boston where you’ll be appearing in Oct., so I can’t get it until then, but it’s so utterly worth waiting for!

    @Jenni — they still make Boone’s Farm??? I got SO SICK on that when I was a teenager.

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  54. It should go on youtube though afterward so you can still be be there, but more like a time traveler enjoying a party in the future. ~ Jenny

    Don’t you mean a regular time traveler enjoying a party that already happened? In the past?

    (Yes, but in the future they’re going to enjoy a party that took place in the past. So maybe when you average it out that means it’s happening now? My head just exploded. ~ Jenny)

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  55. I will be there. Loved the advance copy I received. I’ll share the news with everyone!

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  56. Just saw Jenny’s book a the Indy airport. The link is to a photo showing it front and center

    (This is the first IN THE WILD sighting of my book. I’m going to assume it’s in a country where it’s already Tuesday. Love. ~ Jenny)

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  57. If it fucks up, we know it won’t be YOU but TECHNOLOGY to blame! (Because everything can be blamed on technology. Try it! It’s my favorite game!)

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  58. The party is going to be at 6pm in my time zone, so of course I’ll be in pajamas. From the night before, because I only get dressed if I have to actually leave the house.

    You can’t fuck up this party, because no matter how things turn out, we’ll all believe that was the way it was intended to be.

    Like

  59. I don’t think there is any way you could fuck this up…. but if something manages to go wrong with the party on the tech side …. we’ll still love you! AND I GOT MY BOOKS today!! Yes I said books because in a moment of GENIUS… I somehow ordered it twice! Now to decide who I gift it to🙂

    Like

  60. So, unicorn period blood tasts like Cherry 7-Up, I learned something, today!

    Like

  61. So…after therapy today, while waiting for the elevator and feeling glum and awkward, I decided to check my phone so I didn’t have to make eye contact with anyone else who was waiting.* There, in my email, was a notification from Amazon that my copy of your book shipped today — which caused me to break into a gleeful happy dance, which in turn caused all the nice, normal, presumably sane people around me to step carefully and quietly away from the dancing crazy lady. Several clearly reconsidered getting on the elevator with me. It was awesome.

    I will hopefully be there for the party tomorrow and the pre-party tonight, and no matter what, I fully intend to try a menstruating unicorn.** I do have bangs, so the warning is much appreciated.

    *Oh, my god. This sentence basically sums up my life.
    **Until this moment, I would have bet good money that I would never, ever have occasion to write this particular combination of words. And I write a LOT.

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  62. Have someone go get you a slurpee from 7-11 (and a rolling hot dog and nachos) put the slurpee in a much larger cup and pour in lots of vodka. Yes. It’s a slurpka.

    Like

  63. I can’t share this post because “The Church of Bloggessianism” sounds too cultish or like blasphemy, so I’ll get hate mail from my in-laws (the f*ckers – (not the Fockers)), but I totally want to be there via my ipad while I sit in my own blanket fort.

    Like

  64. Argh ibooks is saying it wont give me the book until the 29th – I cannot wait a week ibooks! Why will you not cooperate!
    Not sure if I will be at party, but it sounds like its going to be awesome!
    P.S I like the Party with the Impossibly Long Name haha – thats gold🙂

    Like

  65. I keep meaning to try water. I’ve heard good things about it.
    Though I’ve also heard it’s one of the top killers, so… not sure who to believe.

    Like

  66. Pear Shaped? What’s THAT supposed to mean? You are about to have 49 bushels of pear shaped problems on your hand girlfriend! Delivered by Latawnya the not menstruating unicorn.

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  67. I’m still waiting for Amazon to ship mine, but I will be there tomorrow night!!!

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  68. Cheap Shame sounds awesome..I loved Strawberry Hill….and you will not fuck it up!

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  69. If the party is somehow fucked up (it won’t be) everyone just yell “PLOT TWIST!” and move on from there.
    Can we have a drinking game where if someone swears, cusses or uses a slang term we all know is dirty, we all down our glass of alcohol?? Maybe then the naked taxidermied animals (human AND not) will come out.

    Like

  70. There’s no possible way you can fuck this up. I mean…if you’re talking about technical difficulties, who knows. But, in terms of the bigger “this”, you’ll do just fine. You’ve already made (rough estimate) millions of people happier and…what’s the word for “feeling less alone”-er? I think that counts as an lifetime win. So, if I were you, I’d just start tanking things on purpose. Embrace the invincibility!🙂

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  71. If John Stamos does show up, will you tell him to wait until really late, I hate attending party’s with a full house.

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  72. Um, hello? You NAMED the party just now, Jenny… It’s the Furiously Happy Hour! Duh!

    I have every intention of attending, and I’ll probably freeze my largest (poolside-safe, plastic) glass of boxed red wine before I leave for work, so I can have a wine slushie when I get home in time for the Furiously Happy Hour.

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  73. Hahaha, the Menstruating Unicorn. I have to show up just to watch how 1 billion (plus or minus a few who don’t show up for the party) people will handle alcohol and sparklers. This will be FUN for sure.

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  74. I’m excited for you! So jealous some are getting shipping notices already. May have to skip work tomorrow to go get a copy and gift mine when it gets here. OR buy a bunch more of both your books n make walls for my blanket fort! Holy shit yeah! So freaking cool! You’re awesome!!!!

    Like

  75. Hi Jenny!

    You are wonderfulness personified. I’ve listened to your first book on audible so many times that my husband, who has never actually chosen to listen to it, can now recite long passages of it, purely as a consequence of living with me. I try not to let him reflect on his life choices too much.

    This is by way of saying, I’m was so, so excited to see your party invitation. It was the first party this year where my response was “oh HELL yeah!”

    But then, alas, I found out that I have to teach a class that night. Not just any class — this is a civics class for a group of wonderful people who are applying for their U.S. citizenship. They have to pass a test in English, which is not their first language, on U.S. history and government. Normally I absolutely love teaching this class… but it’s at 7 PM Central time. Tomorrow.

    This is all by way of saying… how do you feel about me inviting 20 confused Central Americans who speak very little English and will think that they are there to study civics? Do you think we could, as a group, work the phrase “George Washington” or “The Star Spangled Banner” into the conversation at some point?

    I can’t let my students down… but I can’t miss your party! I even promise to translate *

    *I do not promise to translate correctly.

    No matter what, I can’t wait to read book two, and thank you for your wonderful writing!

    Like

  76. Hang on, what the hell is periscope? I thought after Twitter and Ello there wasn’t anything left to join?

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    Brian recently posted aw hell.

  77. So does anyone know how to bribe Amazon to send the book over now? Im very jealous of you guys who got the book early! I’m already planning an all-nighter so I can read everything tonight. So excited!

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  78. Bourbon slushies for everybody!

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  79. USPS says my “bound printed matter” is still a “pre-shipment” which I guess is like foreplay for books.

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  80. Shit. I’ll never be able to look at another unicorn. Thanks for that.

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  81. I was browsing the Boulder Book Store in Boulder CO on Saturday when I saw your book on the shelves! They must’ve had it out early!

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  82. Whooohoooo!! So excited for all of us! Congrats Jenny!

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  83. I just realized I forgot to pre-order the book, so I’ve remedied that situation via e-book and will get a hardcover later. Can’t wait!

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  84. I’m getting my book, then I’m launch-partying!! You da best!

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  85. Apparently there are names for all my favourite drinks.

    I will be drinking water since my body loves to be extra sick for my birthday (it was the 19th) so I got gastroenteritis! I’m also contagious. So even if I wanted to leave the house (which I really don’t) I can’t anyway.

    See you there! But just you, no looking at me, gastroenteritis is really gross.

    Like

  86. For your book tour, I’ll share the best piece of public speaking advice I’ve heard — it’s just talking.

    I admit that when my boss told me that, I had to stop myself from saying, “Really? That’s all you’ve got?” But I have found it to be quite liberating. It’s just talking- I can do that! I’ve been talking with I was 2.

    Unfortunately, I’ll be on an Amtrak train tomorrow night, and their wifi is glacial.

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  87. the video made me cry. this could not come at a better time in my life. thank you from all of us, for your voice, and helping others find theirs.

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  88. Happy dance! happy dance! my books arrived today !!! (One for me and one for a friend!)

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  89. Amazon – pre order. I order lots from amazon so they must like me lots now cause I got it a day early!

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  90. So apparently I am technology challenged…I see a splash page and that’s it. Is that all that is supposed to show up?

    (Were you able to get in? Did you hit the play button? Was there a play button? I think it worked for most people but if you have a hard time tomorrow there’ll be someone there to walk you through it. 🙂 ~ Jenny)

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  91. Jenny, that went great!
    I do want to know what your hat-bird’s name is though.

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  92. That was the BEST THING EVER. Especially the look on Jenny’s face when everything went crazy in the pre-show show.

    Looking forward to tomorrow!

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    unclejeet recently posted Attack of the Killer Bees.

  93. I couldn’t get in. I clicked on the link and it showed me attending but nothing happened. Guess I’ll check tube to see what I’m doing wrong😦

    (Try it in another browser. When you click on this can you see the video? https://plus.google.com/u/0/events/cfgnojr7seluj20g1mobd8pu004 ~ Jenny)

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  94. I forgot until 4:10 and all i saw were comments on how cool it was. We are in Arizona where we refuse to acknowledge day light savings time and the rest of the 21st century too. I hope we can figure out how to work it tomorrow.

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  95. I am beyond excited for you…and me cause I get to laugh all day and brag about the amazing hero who sent my daughter a red dress and is now a hugely famous author with her very own not religious followers!! Furiously Fucking Fantastic!

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  96. This event is all exciting and I wish you the best for tomorrow and the rest of the book tour. The Cheap Shame drink using Strawberry Hill and Sprite reminded me of a memory of me in 12th grade getting drunk on Boone’s Farm Strawberry Wine after a powder puff football game which my team lost….don’t judge me. Your words sometimes provoke thoughts.

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  97. 98
    SqualorHouseGail

    Everything will turn out GREAT tomorrow!!! And, if it doesn’t, I will be happy to blame myself for it….cause that’s what I do LOL!

    Like

  98. I have it on my calendar, but I have to go to a irl party for work at the same time. Unless I get a sudden emergency medical condition. (Fingers crossed)

    Like

  99. didn’t work for me
    meow meow meow

    Like

  100. 101
    ocularnervosa

    I didn’t know Kenny Chesney made rum. Live and learn.

    Like

  101. Well if you do fuck it up you are ahead of the market on menstruating unicorn products. That just aint no thang.

    Like

  102. Jenny, you are a brave and loving (though sometimes stabby) person and I am 100% sure that this book is going to be great. In fact, I thought it was going to be released on the 19th and got so excited it was hard to sleep the night before, only to wake to the profound discouragement/outrage that Amazon and Kindle let me down. I was full of righteous indignation until I realized I had the release date wrong. I guess Amazon is off the hook. Love and peace to you, Jenny!

    Like

  103. I just called the bookstore and I can pick up my preordered AUTOGRAPHED (squeals) copy tomorrow!!! I’m so fucking excited I could… I don’t even know… I can’t even!!!

    Like

  104. I remember checking awhile back that I had already pre-ordered, and yep, there was the confirmation email in my gmail. But as I hadn’t gotten anything about it shipping, I just now checked, and WHAT THE EVERLOVIN’ HELL “This order has been cancelled.”??? My furiously may not be so happy.

    Like

  105. I was late to your test but I WILL NOT BE LATE TOMORROW!
    Here’s what I will be drinking, it’s really good like drinking apple pie. A shot or so (hee hee hee) of any type of cinnamon bourbon (you know like Jack Daniels Fire) mixed with hard apple cider. oh yeah.

    Like

  106. Well. I have a time problem. A problem with time. As in, if you’re super awesome et al book party is happening at 6PM central, why is Hangouts trying to tell me it’s going on from 8-11PM? I’m in New England and earlier, but not that much earlier… and one hour-ish versus three? Don’t confuse the blonde person. Really. Don’t do it, Hangouts. It can get contagious.

    I will figure this out after some sleep.

    Loved the video and music.

    You, your beaver, Dorothy Barker and your flying-fascinator-to-be are approaching perfect.

    Like

  107. Ah. Boones Farm strawberry hill? I just threw a bottle away, circa 1992. It sat at the back of my pantry. Yep. Hadn’t cleaned it in almost 30 years. Do I win something? Wait! I already won, my book arrives by 8 pm tomorrow. Amazon says so. Hoping I make your shindig. I’ll just drink whiskey instead.

    Like

  108. wishing I could attend but don’t think I can cover my laughter while at work…the perils of being Downunder.

    Like

  109. I just preordered on Audible for a Tuesday release. I’m hoping to see it in my inbox tomorrow morning in time for my commute! Fingers crossed… I’ll see you tomorrow!

    Like

  110. Your link works. I can only hope that someday I will be as advanced as you are in using technology.

    Like

    Catherine recently posted Friday Favorite - Oscar Wilde.

  111. Because I’m a poor grad student, I put in a request for your book at my local library. The good news: Thanks to your book coming out tomorrow, I’ve moved up 12 spots in the wait list. The bad news: I’m still number 20 so I still have a couple weeks at least before I see a copy.
    But back to the good news, there’s 14 people (and probably counting) in line behind me. Hah!!

    Like

  112. Just saw that there are 120 holds for the one copy of your book our library doesn’t even have yet. That means some people are prepared to wait 240 weeks (!) just to read it… wowsa – Ottawa, Ontario loves us some Jenny!

    Like

  113. I have an ulterior motive for the shindig tomorrow! I’ll also be ramping myself up for the actual, not-in-my-house, in-a-place-full-of-people-I-don’t-know, already-having-anxiety-but-I-really-wanna-go, honest and for true, book signing at BookPeople. Because if you can start a book tour in Shit-ember, the least I can do is haul my anxious, awkward ass over there to cheer you on!

    My book is ordered, but as soon as I hit the final button I was giddy, yet mildly panicky, because that meant I’d committed to go. out. into a crowd so I’m sure my cortisol is sky high, which sometimes makes me go partially blind in one eye. I’ll be the one running into everything; wait, I do that anyway. I wonder if I have time to bedazzle my eye-patch…

    Like

  114. I was so happy to see a message in my inbox that your book is being shipped to me from amazon.

    But then I checked the B&N website for your tour event at my local store and was saddened.
    “Proof of purchase from a Barnes & Noble retail location or BN.com must be provided for event attendance and priority seating.”

    I’ve fucked this up. What should I do, Jenny?

    (Call to be sure but usually it just means that if you buy from the store hosting the event you get a guaranteed seat and can go ahead of people who brought their book in the signing line. In rare cases when a ton of people have bought books they can mark it as sold out because of code violations for having too many people in. In that case you might miss the reading but I’ll always stick around to sign anything no matter if you bought a book or not. Some people are buying an extra copy at the bookstores to give as a gift just to make sure they have a seat but so far there’s only one location I know of for sure that’s sold out. ~ Jenny)

    Like

  115. Jenny, I am posting this here, since you always mention that you never check your email.:)
    Dear Jenny and tribe,
    When I first heard that your new book would be released on September 22nd, which happens to be my birthday, I was indeed “furiously happy.” I have been following your blog for many years and as someone with major depression and anxiety, it has helped my “normal husband” and me so very much. I was hoping to ask you for a signed copy, but recently my life has changed.
    My niece, who is one, was diagnosed with kidney cancer and had to have her kidney removed, and will need at least 18 weeks of chemo. My SIL, Bekah, has really connected with you. She too had fertility issues. She was on bed rest for the entire pregnancy.
    I would like to ask that you send Bekah a book with an encouraging message. (I can pay you for it.) I think that might give her a moment of happiness during this ordeal.
    If you are comfortable sharing Ella’s go fund me page, I’d appreciate it. But I understand if you would prefer not to. Her page is
    https://www.gofundme.com/ynkv3fw8

    I hope that you could help my SIL and niece.
    Thank you for taking your time to even read this and I wish you and yours well.

    (I donated and left her a note. 🙂 ~ Jenny)

    Like

  116. 117
    Stephanie Geyer

    Your book release coincides with an unfortunate flight I have to take tomorrow on Southwest. Praying my batteries hold so I can read it all in one furiously delightful gulp and avoid eye contact with all of my fellow passengers. Thank you. You’re a giver.

    Like

  117. The genius marketing company that helped roll out Dasani bottled water sent out postcards describing it as “the perfect combination of two parts hydrogen to one part water”, no lie. Like no one else knew how to make water. Or that tap water wasn’t perfectly balanced. I wondered how much money Dasani paid them to remember Jr. high chemistry and print it on a postcard.
    I’m making a pitcher of sangria.
    Cheers!

    Like

  118. my dearest Bloggess
    I’ve never commented on a blog before but thought this might be blog comment worthy.
    When your first book came out I had randomly heard about it from a little except in a magazine I was leafing thru. I was sold!
    Bought the book. Read it in record time. Immediately after I was finished, I, of course googled the hell out of you, like any normal internet stalker😉. I discovered your blog and lo and behold you were going to be doing a book signing very close to where I’m from. I’d never been to a book signing and honestly was at that time in a pretty bad place mentally. I’ve never been much of a “joiner” and at the time the effort it took to motivate myself to commit to an activity that seemed kinda beyond my scope seemed overwhelming! I was unhappy, broken and isolated but trying to shake it off. I painstakingly went back and forth about committing to attending an event that I’d have to go to all by myself…(did I mention my creepy funk of isolating behavior?). But for whatever reason I was compelled to do just that. I RSVP’ed cuz I knew if I didn’t make a plan I’d make an excuse to not do it and let an opportunity to do something new and that I might actually enjoy pass me by. As is my nature and what was becoming quite routine for me. I just enjoyed your writing so much and felt it was such a weird coincidence that I was, for whatever reason, suddenly so motivated to get off my ass and do something fun (that didn’t require copious amounts of vodka and/or pharmaceuticals.
    Anyhoo, I dragged myself to the bookstore, got there super early, agonized over where to park. I braced myself mentally for the awkwardness of being someplace I was kinda unfamiliar with. Tried to quiet the irrational voices in my head that were saying everyone would know I was a hot mess, that they would all be staring/judging me for being a lonely awkward mess that couldn’t find a friend to hold my hand at the big scary book signing event! I bravely entered to store, clutching your book and avoiding all eye contact. I was winning the battle. I was able to grab a seat directly in front of a woman who looked freakishly similar to Ms Rosie O’Donnell. Imagine my surprise when she got up to give you an introduction. You spoke a bit, read a few pages and then got ready to meet and greet. I anxiously waited on line and passed the time by obsessing over my clammy sweaty hands. All I was picturing was stepping up to meet you, shaking your hand and picturing the look of utter disgust after shaking my hand and having to sop up the sweat pouring from my plan to yours.
    At long last I stepped up to meet you. I blabbered that your book made me smile and that I hadn’t get like doing so in quite sometime. You replied that you were happy to put a smile on my face, autographed my copy and took a pic with me kinda looking like a 13 year old with a kooky crush and off I went. I scampered away and on the way home felt as if had climbed the summit of Mt Everest.
    I told anyone and everyone I could about your book and the signing event. It was probably the most animated I had been about anything in months. It was a weird catalyst towards one of my worst battles with major depression. I’ve come a long way since and am in a really good place currently. I’m the most “myself” I’ve been in years and feel like I’m getting reacquainted with an old friend that is been missing for a long, long time. Just recently I was rereading a bit of Let’s Pretend and found myself laughing out loud, quite manically, pretty much crying laughing and unable to even articulate to the people surrounding me what in the hell I found so hysterical. I was Furiously Happy!!!!!!
    I am so looking forward to your next chapters….in a very strange and serendipitous way, I associate your writing and experiences with a lot of my first real steps toward healing myself. Instead of just existing and letting life go on without me being fully present. Instead of over medicating myself and waiting for the right anti-depressant cocktail to make me more like me again. I think you’re the cats ass, Jenny Lawson!
    Thanks for making me laugh out loud like a crazy person again.
    PS-this is mos def the most eloquent I’ve ever been while typing with my thumbs.
    I was broken but I’m fo shiz repurposed and back in the game!

    Like

  119. Ahh, Jenny… you’re a breath of fresh air. Laced with nitrous.

    Like

  120. 121
    Steve the Fan

    I shall be at the party if I can, but it seems to start at 1am over here (I think, I’m not awake enough to figure out US time zones at the moment) so I may have to celebrate by myself early. Meh, it won’t be the first time.

    Hope it all goes well, and looking forward to getting my copy of FH – it may be a little while, because I need to see my bookshop friend and tell her to order it for me.

    Like

  121. I was using chrome and logged into google plus but no video or play button (eventually I was able to see a video of something else though (?)). I’ll try from my pc tonight (once I pick up my copy from my local bookstore)

    Like

  122. 123
    Emsmelly Lizardbreath

    I just wanna say that I was so excited when I checked the blog this morning because I had a really bad night after being triggered and finding out (again) that your book is out today is making me so happy. Furiously happy, even. (See what I did there.) Thanks for easing my anxiety, this is exactly what I need today! Unfortunately I won’t be able to make the party because I’ll be in class tonight learning about Vitamin C peels but I think I might come see you when you come to Boston!! Anyway good luck with the launch party and the tour kickoff <3<3<3

    Like

  123. I may be bold enough to make it tonight, Ha! I pre-ordered my copy, but Amazon had a glitch and it has not even shipped yet! Very sad. Wah. I suppose I will survive.

    Like

  124. I can’t wait to read it, but Amazon won’t let me have it before Thursday. I don’t know why they need an extra two days to download it to a kindle in the UK, perhaps they just can’t cope with that much awesome in one go.

    But Happy Book Day to you!

    Like

  125. Interesting tee-shirt. Another non-sexual orgy? The only kind I ever get invited to.

    Like

    BunKaryudo recently posted Still Green with the Guitar Blues.

  126. 127
    oneclassymotha

    Tracking the UPS guy now…
    I CAN NOT WAIT to get home today!

    Like

  127. “OHMYGOD, YOU ARE MY FAVORITE. PERSON. EVER. PLEASE LET ME CHEW YOUR FACE OFF WITH MY LOVE.” Just using your own words to express how much I am enjoying the book this morning. Thank you and Rory!

    Like

  128. I got the book yesterday and it was waiting for me when I got home. I am already almost half-way through it. It is marvelous. I’ve already read parts out loud to my husband SEVERAL times. ALL THE THUMBS UP!

    Like

  129. But will John Stamos be making an appearance?😛

    Also I have your book from Edelweiss or NetGalley, I forget which. I MEANT TO REVIEW IT but life has been busy. I will soon.🙂

    Like

    Liz @ Yes/No Films recently posted Upcoming: Newsies at the Detroit Opera House, December 15-27.

  130. Amazon tells me my copy of your book will be delivered by 8pm today. Why couldn’t it say 8am because I think work would be fantastic if I was reading your book instead of working!!!

    Like

  131. Ahhhh…! I thought I’d be able to come to the TCoBPTFHHFCNOFJSIHFLGIaBFwFMaaTR: TWHAWNUTI Party but it’s my nephew’s 3rd birthday today which means we’re going to be having dinner at his house (it’s really his parents’ house but, you know, he’s three, he owns everything, apparently), feeding him sugar right before his bedtime (probably during the Party!) and then wondering why he won’t go to sleep before midnight. Dangit. I’ll have to watch it on Youtube as a time traveller in some wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey way. Probably I’ll need to drink some of my whisky to make that happen.

    Like

    jenny gee recently posted What it means to claim religion.

  132. Hahahaha, Cheap shame. Do they still make Strawberry Hill? Cousin to Boone’s Farm? I haven’t had that stuff since I was a teenager. I remember it giving me migraines. I think it comes with extra sulfites. I hope I can figure this party thing out tomorrow night but either way, huge congrats on the book! You are so awesome!

    Like

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  133. I love any party that involves drinking alone in the bathroom. I’m in.

    Like

  134. YAYAYAY! to celebrate, i think i’m going to make ALL of those delicious drinks. thanks so much for the recipe, adding them to my recipe box made of unicorn.

    Like

    chelsea @ the new wifestyle recently posted The Real Reason I Don’t Want A Baby (right now).

  135. I just got my notification that my book is ready for pickup at Parnassus Books in Nashville which means I get seat at your reading next week! YAY! Now I”ll have a whole week to worry about how to get to the event and where to park and how much time it’ll take to get there and if I’m too early I’ll look like a weird stalker and if I’m late I’ll get stuck standing in a corner somewhere and maybe I should stop over-thinking this. I need handlers to figure this shit out for me. I’m tuning in tonight too.

    Like

  136. You can’t fail, you’ve already succeeded.

    Like

    Alice recently posted Blood Donut Day.

  137. I GOT IT, amazon delivered my copy of Furiously Happy!!!! Thanks Jenny see you Saturday in Dallas at 1/2 Price Books. Unless you remain under the table. no worries, i’ll just slid my copy to you for signature.

    Like

  138. I’m furiously happy: UPS just delivered the audiobook! Today also is the birthday of my three feline boys.❤

    Like

  139. This book launch is going to be awesome. I just had a baby a few days ago and am telling everyone that I am going to a book launch tonight. People are looking at me like I grew another head. That’s right people, this book is so good that even all sleep deprived and walking like a cowgirl I am still attending. No need to mention that it is online and I will attend while not wearing pants.

    Like

  140. There should be a warning on this book to the effect of : “milk consumed while reading this book could exit you nose as high speed.”

    Like

  141. at high speed….damn it!

    Like

  142. I literally – just – cataloged your book for the library where I work. And then checked it out! The perks of being a cataloger!

    Like

  143. I already finished it over the weekend (for some happy reason I got it ridiculously early – in Germany).
    And I absolutely loved it. I think I loved it even more than your first one, if that’s possible.
    I will probably fall asleep before the party starts tonight, though, time difference… So, have a great time!

    Like

  144. I read that as “make a snow cone using your vagina knuckle-scrapper” and I think you are going to be rich.

    Like

  145. So glad I made it to the Party! My nephew ended up being sick on his birthday (which sucks) (I swear I didn’t dose him with anything).🙂

    Like

    jenny gee recently posted What it means to claim religion.

  146. All the best!!!! Your book is gonna ROCK!!!! and you’re party too😉

    Like

  147. Thank you Jenny.

    Like

  148. “What if I fuck this up?” Well, Tragedy + Time = Comedy. You taught me that, Jenny.

    Like

  149. wonderful! I got my copy FINALLY, the book store locally held it for me!!! And I wrote a blog post about BEING THE TOXIC FRIEND!!!! Yes, those toxic friend lists, opps! People with depression and RA (that’s ME) ARE TOXIC FRIENDS! https://byronsheroes.wordpress.com/2015/09/29/ten-reasons-why-i-am-your-toxic-friend/

    Like

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