When I was on book tour I had my first In-N-Out Burger. The burger tasted like a burger and the fries tasted like the ghost of french fries, so I’m not sure why people love it so much, but the real story here is that I’d always heard that there was a “secret menu” you can order from if you’re in the know, but I don’t actually know anything so I just randomly guess-ordered stuff. Things I asked for them to give me that apparently aren’t on the secret menu:
- breast milk
- a wheelbarrow full of human hair
- Snakes. Lots and lots of snakes.
- Everything in the cash register
- A cashier with infinite patience (I didn’t ask for that one out loud but it was obvious that wasn’t in the cards.)
I’m not allowed to go back there, I think.
And now, after a 3 month absence while I was on book tour, the weekly wrap-up is back! (Graphic by @chickenpants)
Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):
- As requested, the 2016 Bloggess Calendar!
- Furiously Happy was selected as one of the best books of the year by Google, CBC Books, Amazon, Indigo, LA Times, Library Reads. Insane.
- The best craigslist ad I’ve seen all year.
- Instagram husbands.
- Everyone on tour asked me about my book bag. It’s here.
This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by Melt: massage for couples. It’s basically an instructional massage video that teaches how to give bad-ass massages with a simple, step-by-step video guide. It costs less than one professional massage and you have it forever with unlimited access. It makes a great holiday gift so you can learn how to sqwoosh people seductively. It’s a very good skill to learn when it comes to love, calming angry dogs, and being a bad-ass mofo. Check it out here.