An email from my friend Jeremy Johnson, who made Totes MaGoats and Rory:
So this isn’t as random as the London shot, but I saw this at a local bar tonight. Gotta love the Game of Thrones reference! (Photo is a bit dark, but it’s a sword throne made of sausages).
People looked at me a bit weird when I screamed out “that’s my goat!” pointing at the restroom door… then an old dude walked out. I thought we should all slow clap for him to ease the awkwardness… but they didn’t. I then took my belongings and left.
One of us, y’all.
Timing is everything.
S L O W C L A P
(I would’ve screamed, “That’s MY goat!!” too )
I’m sure the old dude was flattered. Maybe.
I once tried to get my wandering dog to get in my car by saying very sweetly, “Do you want to go for a ride in the car, honey?” And then I realized that the mailman was standing right there.
There’s a really good joke here about a sausage throne on the door to the throne room… where one might actually see someone’s sausage…
But I can’t quite get there.
I think a woman slow clapping as you exit the washroom would be flattering. If he heard you call him a goat, maybe not so much.
Great story. And really, how many people can say “that’s my goat” in a bar?
Just be glad that you don’t own a very large stuffed beaver (though maybe you do actually) and it wasn’t used in the drawing. Because that might have taken the awkwardness level up a gazillion times. Though I would have loved to hear a woman yell at a complete stranger, “That’s my beaver!”.
I’m not sure if the flyer is an ad for some sort of naked dancing men contest or a restaurant but I want to go. And The Regal Totes MaGotes is amazing.
Oh, how I NEEDED this laugh this morning!
Oh, man, I needed that laugh today. Slow clap, indeed!!
A goat on a throne of sausages. One can only aspire to such heights of greatness. But alas, this particular level of greatness is taken. Awkward moments bring us all closer together, which is good. Unless you’re in a hiding mode, in which case closer together is a nightmare. Conundrum, it is. That said, should you ever be in the vicinity and start to clap as I enter or exit a washroom, I would likely be tickled pink, join in, and promptly walk smack into a door frame or wall. Hope you have a fabulous Friday, Jenny 🙂
Are we just leaving “Crown your sausage” on the table without a comment? Cause that sounds really, really dirty.
I wish Winter were actually ending.
All this attention is going to go to Totes’ head. Perhaps he should be holding an autograph book?
Beautiful
I would have hooked arms with the old goat and walked on outta there. (aaand scene.)
That’s awesome.
I wonder how difficult it would be to make a real-life throne of sausages…
a sausage throne…and “thats my goat” all in one short post…:)
“Crown your sausage,” “that’s my goat,” and a slow clap in a bar. Now that’s my kind of evening!
I think Jenny is already in the shop creating a “That’s My Goat” t-shirt and other merchandise!
Ow!!! Life hurts too much not to laugh every chance I get.
Whenever I see a ’66 GTO, I want to be able to say “That’s my goat!”. But mine’s still just a garage full of parts waiting on time & money.
BTW what exactly is the Sausage Queen event?
I agree. Sausages… Thrown… Restroom… Old dude… Goat… Totally the makings for a really awesome (and potentially dirty) joke.
Ya, i got nothin’.
I think Jenny should add some sort of “Crown Your Sausage” item in her shop…perhaps a condom holder with Totes’ picture? We’d be the only people who get it…
Considering that the event is co-sponsored by “Hustler Hollywood”–in the same font as Larry Flynt’s magazine–I have no interest in finding out how they determine the Sausage Queen. The Internet has taught me some doors were never meant to be opened.
I am going to just randomly start saying “Crown your sausage” to people.
I just want to know how I can become a Sausage Queen. Is there a trophy? Does it look like a sausage with a tiny crown on it? This will be in my head all day.
You need to add the Like button to your posts. Pretend it’s the Fucking Awesome button.
Love it!
Jenny, speaking of Rory…
I just bought my husband a kindle because he is technologically resistant. He feins ignorance so I will do all the research, map quests, Facebook posts etc for him. He will ask me questions he knows I can’t possibly know the answer to just because he knows it will drive me nuts and I will look it up. It’s a clever plan actually, but I caught on and bought him a kindle and had little kindle classes with him. Anyhow- We share a kindle account ( bad idea) and one day he asked how the hell he could get the picture of that damn dancing raccoon off his screen. I told him he couldn’t. He told me it freaked him out. I ordered the Rory Raccoon make up bag so it would sit in our bathroom counter and he could then be freaked out every time he washed his hands or brushed his teeth. Then I downloaded your first book on audio and that replaced Furiously Happy on the screen. So now he is freaked of by a mouse dressed as Hamlet but he agrees that that is ok because we are both really into theatre and he can make peace with the Hamlet Mouse. My Rory bag isn’t here yet. I can’t wait.
I started following Meddling With Nature on Facebook and there was at least one deer carcass photo that popped up where my first thought was “when did the rest of my family get on Facebook?” and then I was relieved to see it was just Meddling With Nature. Because you never know when there will be a carcass in the dining room.
Jessica S (12) “crown your sausage” is where I got stuck, too. I didn’t want you to think everyone would leave that on the table. (Leaving a crowned sausage on the table sounds REAL bad.)
You must know that my Totes Ma Goats tote bag is one of my all time favorite things and every time I take it out the kids yell “Totes Ma Goats”!! It’s the greatest thing ever. No one can be in a bad mood when I whip out my tote bag. It’s a house rule and someone must yell “Totes Ma Goats” upon sighting. Plus… I have to show everyone Totes when I take it out. Look… I say – look at this awesomeness. 🙂 Much love to all involved in its creation. Jeremy rules, as do you. <3 Happy V day Bloggess.
Here’s the website, just in case…
http://www.bockfest.com/little-kings-sausage-queen/
I can see it now: a Bloggess fandom meet-up in Cincinnati — complete with taxidermied…er…”sausages!”
P.S. The Johnson Foundation is one of the sponsors and no, I’m not making that up!
ONE OF US, ONE OF US.
😊 you truly make me laugh – kinship at any cost!! Woo woo!
I could totally be the Sausage Queen! oh – wait! That didn’t come out right!!! Just…oh, nvm. lol
Wow. When young, we’d go to the melon festival where they’d crown the Melon Queen. That usually elicited snickers, but Sausage Queen? That one takes the cake:).
Totes MaGoats looks rather smug. Perhaps because sausage is made of pig?
Sausage Queeun and Hustler…I bet there’s a porn movie out there with that name. I’m not googling that shit. Because I’m at work, otherwise I totally would
very funny 🙂
Totes amaze-balls.
A sausage-fest promoted by Hustler. I didn’t know they swung that way.
Why is a goat a sausage queen? … Wait… I don’t want to know. I don’t… (fingers in ears) LALALALALALA
One time while heavily pregnant and about to climb into bed, my husband the sleep talker cheerfully, if mumblishly, announced “Oh! That’s just like MY hockey bag!” I tried to tell myself he wasn’t referring to my huge belly, but a slow clap would have definitely made me feel better in that moment.
I probably would’ve tried to fix the moment and said “I mean, I got your goat!” afterwards which would’ve made it more awkward and then I would’ve felt compelled to fix it even more by saying, “I mean, I got a goat,” which would’ve made me a liar. So yup, Jeremy handled it pretty well.
Hilarious! Absolutely one of us 🙂
That’s funny.
What if goat was one of us?
Screaming “That’s my goat” is by far not the most embarrassing thing you could yell. I was at a con and we were watching the karaoke. The actor Robert Picardo was singing. Up on the screen in addition to the words to the song they were putting up drawings of things. Well on the screen was a woman who looked suspiciously like me. She was in an odd position sort of jutting out her pelvis. My friends were all teasing me about what was going on with my pelvis because the drawing really did resemble me. I might have had a bit much to drink and the place was also really loud. Well finally Mr. Picardo actually commented on the odd pelvis placement on the screen. Well I said what I thought was quietly to my friends, “hey watch it, that’s my pelvis your talking about” only it wasn’t quietly and Mr. Picard and along with almost everyone else in the establishment turned to look at me.
There are people who would KILL just to sit on a throne made of sausage.
Of course, I’M the one who got an error message about not linking to my last post.
I’m special like that.
Am I the only one wondering what’s involved in “crowning one’s sausage”? Sounds way rude and uberfun.
I never sausage a thing…
That is your goat.
MISUSE OF GOAT IN ADVERTISING!
No matter what a sausage crowning ceremony includes – the “Ad” goat would not be crossing his/her legs. This is something very risqué which calls for a slightly more risqué and, perhaps, less inhibited goat. Obviously.
Jenny – Have you thought about a goat defamation of character lawsuit? This picture could be implying all sorts of things about your goat.
When my son was 6 years old, he always referred to our cat as Pussy Cat. One day he thought the cat had ran out of our front door. From the kitchen I could hear him yelling “PUSSY! WHERE ARE YOU PUSSY! While standing on our front porch. By the time I got outside, two of my elderly neighbors were in their yards staring at my son.
I wanted to assure them that my 7 year old was not a pimp in training and was only looking for our cat. Instead I did the smile and wave while dragging my son into the house.
(The cat seemed amused and watched out the front door from our living room).
Fully NONE of the bars in my city are that entertaining…something I miss about Houston, actually.
The question is not, I think, how does one crown a sausage, rather how much sausage does it require to create a throne upon which Totes Ma Gotes can comfortably sit, beer in hand? The follow up question is then, why on earth would anyone do such a thing?
Thank you. That absolutely made me Laugh. Out. Loud. So awesome. So glad he’s one of us.
golf clap for Jeremy
It’s not only a good story but also interesting and funny. 😀 😀
Totes gets around!
I once yelled at a squirrel in my garden: “Get out of there, you son-of-a-bitch!” My next-door neighbor was ten feet away, getting out of his car….
It’s a sign! It’s a Christmas Miracle! It’s…it’s..it’s just incredible!! Thank you Jeebus!!
Isn’t the Sausage Queen, the wife of Abe Froman, Sausage King of Chicago?
(Bueller? Bueller? ~ Jenny)
Yeah, life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around, once in a while, you could miss it! 🙂
As the owner of Milton’s, I’d say that it’s serendipitous harmony suggesting that you should be our official representative in the finals at Bockfest Hall during the 2016 Bockfest Weekend.
Come. Be our Sausage Queen. Our round is Saturday night, February 27.
http://www.bockfest.com/little-kings-sausage-queen/
Enter the competition. y’aint gonna regret it…
(I am so flattered I can’t even think straight. All this sausage flattery. If I lived in Cincinnati I’d totally be there. ~ Jenny)
life is awesome. too good
Now Kevin, owner of Milton’s,
You know that if Jenny is going to be representing any bar in the Sausage Queen Competition It will be the Crazy Fox this Saturday night, at 8pm. And I am no one to say which bar she would prefer, however nice Milton’s may be, we all know that Totes and Rory were likely thought up and planned out at the Godfather table at the Crazy Fox. Clearly you’re trying to poach our talent.
https://www.facebook.com/events/1712406582335921/
xoxo
Corinna,
Meddling with Nature and 2 time Crazy Fox Sausage Princess
I’m meet Jeremy’s mother at the bookstore that I work at, she was buying a copy of Furiously Happy!! I may have hugged her, for she brought greatness into our world!!