Dear me (and everyone else): Maybe just try not to be such an asshole.

in more than meets the eye

I’m having one of those days where shit on the news makes me worry for humanity even more than usual, and then I remind myself that, in the end, there are far more good people in the world than bad.  Many are quiet and act silently and work magic even without knowing that the good they leave behind will grow into something larger.  Those things don’t make the news but we feel them every day…when someone smiles, or cares, or shows us a kindness we think we don’t deserve, or gracefully turns people who are bent toward hate and destruction in a direction a little closer to love.  It’s slow work.  But it’s good work.  Important work.

I’m friends with such a broad array of people and some make me frustrated and sad, some refill my cup each day by reminding me how much more we can be, some are unwitting examples of who I want to become and others are unwitting examples of who I am so grateful that I’m not, and some give me laughter and hope and inspirational sloth videos remind me that there is joy and silliness in the world that makes it worth living in.  We’re all at different stages and that’s okay.  You’re okay.  You may be hateful or angry or bitter or sad or confused or tired or abusive but the wonderful thing is that you will change.  You will.  Even if you don’t want to.  Life makes you change.  The bad thing is that you may change into someone worse.  The good thing is that you have the power to choose where you want to go from here.

Today.

Right this moment.

Just a tiny bit.

Ask yourself, what can I do right now to be kinder…to myself, to others.  And then try.  You won’t always succeed.  I won’t either and I’ll probably fail more often than I succeed, but the conscious effort to turn anger and indignation into compassion can make such a difference.  It’s a habit I’m willing to try to make for myself.

PS. That doesn’t mean I’m not still dangerously unpredictable so if you’re intentionally an asshole I still might accidentally stab you in the leg a few times before I calm down and remember that it’s always better to stab people with kindness.  Mostly because kindness is more likely to actually change assholes, and also because Victor found my hidden drawer full of emergency bail money and used it to pay the electric bill.  I can’t go back to jail, y’all.  So don’t be an asshole and then I won’t be an asshole and then other people won’t be assholes and then no one gets stabbed and I can use my bail money stash for things like donuts and ending world hunger.

Depends on how much I can save up, I guess.

PPS. From the Costa Rica Sloth Sanctuary:

Be the sloth you want to see in the world.

179 thoughts on “Dear me (and everyone else): Maybe just try not to be such an asshole.”

Read comments below or add one.

  2. Wait!! That sounded like I’m a scary person ….
    ANONYMOUS!!!
    Sorry

  3. JENNY. I just found out I’m pregnant! So there, there’s a little bit more good in the world.

  6. Thing the first- “I can’t go back to jail, y’all.” Um, back to jail? Did I miss something?
    Thing the second- Be the sloth you want to see in the world. Can I have this on a t-shirt. Please?
    Thing the third- there is no thing the third
    Thing the fourth- hide the bail money more creatively, just don’t forget where you put it, that sucks.

  8. One day, my dream is to go visit Buttercup the sloth at the Sloth Sanctuary. And for people to be nicer to each other. I wonder which will happen first.

    Thanks for the reminder, Jenny. <3

  10. Here’s my story about people doing good things. I’ve been going through chemo treatments (4 treatments, every 3 weeks). The ladies in my office have decided to take turns bringing me BEAUTIFUL flowers each time I have a treatment. I’ve rarely experienced such kindness. It kind of restores your faith in humanity a little. 🙂

  11. Regarding your wine-slushee habit. Did you pick that up at like a fair or an expo? That’s the only place I see those things.

    Cheers.

  12. It’s videos like these that straight out tell me, “This is living, this is what you could spend your money on”.. This may have been added to my bucket list.

  13. I’ve been to that sloth sanctuary. Sloths truly can’t be bothered to be assholes. When you’re there you can be angry at the thoughtlessness of people whose feet and dogs and cars damage these animals. Or you can be inspired by the people who’ve pooled resources to help undo the damage. I always remember what Mr. Rogers said about any time you see trouble around you on the TV. Look for the people there to help. (And, though he didn’t say it, because he was talking to little kids, but I know he’d mean it – if you don’t see anyone there to help, well then, help.)

  14. I CAN be a sloth!! I’m exhausted -ALL the time 😴. With wicked insomnia, the cycle continues…Still, am going to ‘be kinder to myself & others’ Even while feeling stabby! It’s the Right thing to do…Thanks, Jenny. You inspire me, on my worst days. I am thankful 😶💕.

  15. I too am very worried about our world, specifically our country and what a disaster it will be if a certain someone is elected President. I foresee nothing but disasters ranging from small to world-changing. I cannot see straight I am so worried. All I can do though, is make sure to vote when the time comes and try to live each day with harmony so I don’t contribute to the hateful, restrictive vibe that feels like it is everywhere right now.

    The sloth video is wonderful. It made me misty-eyed – but in a good way. Thank you.

  21. It’s funny- I talk about how non-judgmental I am, but that’s not really true. I judge people who are willfully stupid, ignorant and/or mean, and I judge them pretty harshly. A friend of mine is upset because he was the recipient of some very racist remarks yesterday and it just makes me want to stab that person in the eyeball, or at least find a way to make them feel the way they made my friend feel. Then I have to calm myself down. It’s hard to deal with hate in a non-violent manner, but if we don’t deal with hatred/ignorance/etc. with kindness and empathy, we just perpetuate that circle. So, I keep swimming and smiling and hoping that more goodness, kindness and love starts showing up soon.

  22. A good mood is like a ballon: it only takes one prick to ruin it!

  23. I’m doing an online fundraiser party for Project Night Night and hoping to bring to light some of the scary facts of homelessness for children. I want to use my success to enlighten other people and raise money for a great organization!

  25. Can we get that sloth on the ballot? SLOTH 2016! A POLITICAL REVOLUTION IS COMING. EVENTUALLY. NO, REALLY.

    (I would vote for that sloth. ~ Jenny)

  26. I’m sorry if I’ve been one of those people that made you feel bad. I had some drama with a former friend, that I caused, because she hurt me and I still wasn’t over it. But I’ve deleted that blog and the posts and realized that being mean never solved anything. It just makes me look horrible. If you didn’t see my mess good becasue it’s gone, even the blog posts. But if you did thank you for sticking by me on Twitter and Facebook. Dawn

  27. Agreed. And I think the second part of the message might be, if you slip up and do act like an asshole, apologize. Quickly and sincerely. Or else you might be opening yourself up to some more stabbing. Just sayin.

  28. I just got home from the grocery store where the clerk told me I looked confident. No one has ever used that word to describe me in my life. I am tearing up just typing this. I thanked her for her words, but she’ll never know the happiness I found in those words. Good in the world just scored one.

  30. I always knew that the world wasn’t as shitty as we tend to think it is, when one time I borrowed my sister’s car for a short road trip. I didn’t realize that she had a bumper sticker on the back that said, “Mean People Suck”. All the time while driving I kept getting waves and honks and smiles at red lights and even on the highway. I couldn’t understand why everyone was so friendly. Finally noticed the bumper sticker and it all made sense. It’s nice to know that we’re all (or at least most of us) united in NOT wanting to be mean people (’cause those people suck).

  32. That sloth just made my day. Instantly googling – can one be a sloth foster outside of the tropics. Sadly it doesn’t appear to be a good option for the sloths.

  34. You, missy, are one of the things that’s good in this world. Know that. I will try to be kinder today by sharing this sloth video, Probably not to my boss tho, the sloth moves so slow he’ll think I’m actually wasting work time.

  37. You do know that secret bail money stash or not, we’d all contribute to a GoFundMe to get you out, right? I’m sure I could scrounge up $5, though it might be from my daughter’s stash. lol

  38. Assholery, in general, does seem like it’s on the rise. Or maybe I should stop following politics. But there are sloths. And cheesecake. And kitten videos. And you, Jenny, there’s you.

  40. Something like that saying “better to be the one who smiled than the one who didn’t smile back”. And we can’t know what others are going through, we can only hope not to add to their burden. A smile can mean a great deal to someone who really needs it. And being a jerk is really bad karma, folks 🙂

    And yes, “be the sloth” t-shirts please!!!

  41. You just don’t even know how badly I needed to read this today. Thank you for the bajillionth time for being prescient, and somehow knowing what I need at just the right time. I needed this, but the world needs it more. Listen up, world, Jenny’s got something important to say here.

  42. You get a friend and you each hold o to each others bail money then it can’t be used for bills or other stuff cause it’s not yours, it’s your friends. Also that sloth is so cute it made me cry happiness.

  43. Oh honey, try not to watch the news. Especially the 3 or 4 national idiots. Try Pbs and Npr and anyone with humor. Make more art…Nietsche said “we make art so we don’t die from the truth”, or the skewing of the truth that is tv today. Loving your views, making your life a work of art.

  44. Good people do exist – yesterday, a jewellers in the next town over was robbed, so the shoe repair shop guys from next door came to their aid and chased them off. Police caught them later and charged them.

    Today, a heavily pregnant woman was stabbed and five men came to her rescue, two of whom got minor injuries. The baby has been born and is doing OK, the mother is critical.

    Two incidents of good men in the world.

  46. https://www.facebook.com/lovewhatreallymatters/

    Whenever you need to see good people doing good things, and just living their lives. A woman meets the heart recipient from her son’s death, toddlers spreading love in a grocery store, autistic boy insists on giving traffic cops hot chocolate… A facebook page fit for sloths.

  47. I try very hard to be nice every day, even if it’s just thanking my husband for making dinner, or looking a cashier in the eye to try and acknowledge they are a person doing a shitty job and I appreciate that.

  48. I’m sorry, I totally forgot the point of your post because I watched the sloth video and now my eyes are all blurry and I don’t even know what I’m feeling. Wait, I think I know ..we need to be less assholey and more awesomely slothy. Right? Close enough, I’m sure.

    Thank you for that video. I’m still not sure what happened to me when I watched it…so I think I’ll watch again.

  49. A little kindness goes a long way
    I’ve had people tell me that kindness doesn’t work, but I would rather try than not try

  50. There is a lot of assholery in the world. That’s why we need to appreciate the tiny beautiful moments. Like…for example, just now I was depressed about politics so I ate the last half of a sleeve of Ritz crackers…but then…THEN I scrunched up the plastic and BOUNCED IT OFF THE RIM OF THE GARBAGE CAN AND IN FOR A WIN! See? appreciate the good and don’t let the assholes get you down.

  51. Jenny – I am so thankful that you and all of your followers and readers and commenters are in this world. You all remind me of exactly what the post said, that there is good in the world. Every time negativity and hate get me down, I remember this blog, and am reminded that there are truly awesome people out there!
    And yes, thank God, there are sloths. How more perfect can the world be when sloths are a thing?
    Keep doing you, Jenny!

  53. Well, shit, here I am at the bottom again (in the comments but at times with regard to my life some days ;-p ) The nice thing is……… on this page I won’t be at the bottom for long. And it doesn’t matter who is at the bottom because they’ll be the nicest bottom ever. Right?! 😀 Having said that, I have a suggestion that will cover two things you’ve posted. No.1 – come to Canada because apparently a huge number of Americans (all good people of course) are searching on the internet for information on how to move to Canada (Say Canada out loud – it has a nice ring to it and our anthem you can sing – it doesn’t hit many high notes rofl!) And we have mountains here in Vancouver that have snow on them. You wanted to have a bit of snow time – we can oblige. We can go snow-shoeing after which hot chocolate can be had by the minors and wine slushies or just plain wine for the adults. X-country skiing, downhill (Whistler still has awesome snow) tobogganing and tubing down a hill – snow fun ad infinitum. Snow angels and then hot chocolate (with Kahlua & lots of whipping cream). Have I got your attention yet? Let me know and I’ll freshen up the guest room 😀
    ciao for now
    @shellwatthehell

  55. Today, I am the asshole. But there are times when being an asshole is all I have left to voice. There are days when I am tired of killing with kindness and just start waving the damn knife at the next person that approaches me without a smile on their fucking face. I’m never rude to unknowing people but I’m coolly professional. Now, I’m sending myself home for a time out and some scotch.

  56. You’re such a good friend Jenny. Okay, we’re not actually friends. But that’s not stopping me from taking up knitting to craft you an invisibility cloak. Okay, it’s not so much an invisibility cloak as it is a butter coozie, currently. But that’s not stopping me from believing it’s a knitted invisibility cloak for you. Thank you for being you. And thank you for inspiring me to leave a comment here, thus, letting my writer’s block know that I’m capable of forming sentences today.

  57. In a world where serious Presidential candidates debate dick size in a public forum, we all need this reminder not to be assholes. Thanks, Jenny!

  58. I have been very surprised reading some other popular bloggers (or their Twitter feeds) to see how much they are coming from a place of anger and derision all the time. Even if I agree with their point of view on things, it hurts my heart to see them dismissively telling someone to shut up, because they know more about it than that person does. What purpose does their condescension serve? In any case, I’ve read your blog for years, and it’s wonderful that your approach is always one of love and acceptance. I’m a sarcastic, sassy person, but I try to never be cruel. There’s no place for it in this world.

  60. Thank you! I wish people would always remember to just be kind. It’s a mantra I repeat to my daughters frequently.

  61. Sounds like someone stepped on your toes and didn’t say “Sorry”. Shame on that person whoever they are. Stabbing in the leg is a good sign…it means you don’t actually want to murder someone you just want to be a little stabby and you let that feeling pass.

  62. Nail on the head, as usual. Thank you for the gentle and saucy reminder to just be decent humans. And if you come back to Los Angeles, I’ll point you in the direction of a sloth you can visit and pet at a wildlife center. =) Might be cheaper than Costa Rica.

  63. I didn’t smack the person in the grocery store being an asshole today. I wanted to, but I didn’t. I think I won today.

  64. I just posted something similar to this on My cat’s facebook and instagram page. I use those pages as a way to share some of the love I get from volunteering with him and I hope it inspires some people to do more kind things. When I feel down i tend to push a little harder for people to be kind to others but usually I just let the pictures do the work. The stuff that I do is just as heartbreaking as it is rewarding but I only post about the happy stuff because people need more of that and less of the bad anyway. https://www.facebook.com/raulthetherapycat/photos/a.1707268416162892.1073741833.1702877313268669/1775971632625903/?type=3&theater

  65. Someone at the drive thru of Burger King bought my breakfast this morning. Good people exist! I was grabbing something between Dr spots today. Made me smile!

  67. I love you. You are a bright spot in the universe and bring happiness to many.

  68. I was extra kind to the people giving me strange looks in Marshalls while posing with the 6 foot metal chicken so I could share with my fello Jenny-a-Holics! Shame it didn’t fit in my car. 🙁

  70. Hello Jennie! I can sympathize at how dark the world can seem. I have depression issues myself, but between the creativity of wonderful folks like this – http://theblacktulipstudio.weebly.com/

    Also, I have a dozen cats (only 7 inside – the rest are a feral colony I have adopted)…and they are one of the best tools in the world for comfort.

  71. Thank you thank you Thank you! You just prevented someone from being stabbed with cruel unrevokable words. I sure do appreciate you!!!!!!! I will do my darnedest to not be an asshole. Being an askole is was got me into this mess. Still think that I am not humaning well today…….so will try to keep to myself. Thank you Jenny!!!!!!

  72. I think my next bad day, I need to head to a sloth sanctuary:). You never hear of an asshole sloth, right? And they’re darn cute.

  73. I carry a canvas bag that I got from you that says “Be nice or I will stab you.” I think I’ll write on it “WITH KINDNESS.” Or maybe that should just be a given.

  75. Thanks for the gentle reminder, Jenny, or as my friend LeAnna so eloquently reminds us, “patience is a virtue, murder is a crime.”
    Have a sloth-filled weekend, y’all!

  76. I could feel the look on her face in the video – that “is this happening squeee don’t squee you’ll scare the sloth” look. I love this tribe.

  78. Really needed this post today. Made a semi-annual trip to my mom’s facebook (she wanted me to read about my stepdad’s health)… her feed has so much hate and christianity – all with lots of likes. Makes me feel so sad for the world. Thanks for the reminder that there’s a lot of good in the world too – it’s just a lot quieter.

  80. My story about people being amazing: I just launched a kickstarter, and I worked really hard on the project and I was so scared no one would want what I made and I wouldn’t get any backers and I’m shit–blah blah blah mental monkeys flinging pooh. Then I launched on Tuesday, and all my friends started backing me, and strangers started backing me, and I made half my goal in under 24 hours–and I’m practically crying now because the support feels like a giant hug. I have trouble believing sometimes that I’m worth loving, that people actually want me around, and these last four days have been pretty amazing. Love to you, Jenny. And I hope you like the Doctor Who bag 🙂

  81. What a coincidence because I have REALLY been trying to be kinder to myself and others after battling cancer this past year and it’s difficult because so many things (and people) make me super stabby. Yours is good advice because a little kindness goes a long-ass way. I may have been a sloth in a previous life.

  83. I just sent a “y’all make my life better” email to the friends who just helped me get through a rough week. I think those thoughts, but my introverted self gets in the way of actually telling the person. So, thanks for the boot-to-the-butt reminder to follow through on stuff like that!

  85. It seems as if all media wants to present today are the bad and terrible things that are going on today. Don’t get me wrong…..there sure is enough of it out there….but, there are a lot of good things too. I wish that they would put a little effort each day to present that also. I am not perfect……I can get pretty pissed off and I have been vindictive too. But, I have apologized to people and am really trying to be the bigger person. I’m human, so I will more than likely screw up again, but I won’t give up trying to be better. Love the video!!! Animals always put a smile on my face!! Don’t know what I would do without my 3 girl kitties…..love them to death.

  86. I am pretty certain that I was an asshole once, and I admit to that. And then, I changed. What changed me more was being pregnant, then once my son entered this world. If I had to teach him how to be tolerant and accept others, to always tell the truth and to be kind…I couldn’t go against that and be a hypocrite. So far, it’s working out for me. My anxiety disorder tells me differently sometimes, but anxiety is a nasty ass demon that needs a coke and a smile. not always in that order.

  87. A Couple of years ago I went to my 30th high school reunion, I felt so out of place and uncomfortable… I signed in and then turned to go to the bar and leave…a former class mate of mine must have felt my hesitation and went out of her way to be kind and take me under her wing until some former class mates I knew showed up. Stranger kindness is the fucking best…I will never forget her, or her kindness, seriously I think about that silly moment a couple of times a month still and it makes me happy.

  88. So… based on this video, I learned that sloths maybe always look like they’re smiling, and at the same time always appear to be giving you the finger.

    No wonder you love those things!

  89. Really needed to hear this. The news is keeping me away from FB for a while and is destroying some of my relationships. Getting me pretty down. I’m not even angry at mean people but stupid people who choose to be stupid…that is just sad.

  90. The great thing about sloths…they don’t make any sudden moves. You can pretty much guess what they’re going to do.

    Until someone comes up with a positive slant to the news, I avoid watching it. Surely we can gather what is positive in the world and feed that to humanity on a daily basis. Better for our brains, our hearts, our relationship to each other and the environment.

  91. Sometimes I’m an asshole, although I really do try to be kind. Not email-the-Pope-to-nominate-me-for-sainthood kind, but kind.
    Due to the abundance of recent political posts, it’s a really god thing I gave up Facebook for Lent, but I check I anyways. I don’t respond to anything, which makes my cuticles itch.
    Turns out, I’m Facebook Friends with a few assholes. Thanks for reminding me they actually serve a purpose.
    I’m gonna need a clarification on the “back to jail” part.
    I have secret bail money, too, but it’s in the same place as my secret wine stash money and I think you already know where this sentence is going.
    I’m a person who prefers nature on television but even I know that sloths are the answer to EV.ER.Y.THING.

  92. Thank you. Today’s been shitty. Not that anything really bad has happened…just my thoughts and emotions are too much to handle right now.

  93. MORE DONUTS! And less stabbing. Sounds like a campaign slogan to me. YOU should run for President!

  94. I need to remind myself of this every day and also maybe not check the news so often. It’s scary and gross and exhausting. Thanks for that sloth video!

  95. This was exactly the post I needed to read today. 🙂 Thank you, Jenny.

  97. Every day I try not to be an asshole, but sometimes it’s hard.

    Recently, I had to take percocets for the first time. My sister told me: “You take it and in about 45 minutes there’s like a ‘whoosh!’ and suddenly you feel like telling someone that you love them.”
    My experience was a little different… there was a ‘whoosh!’ and suddenly I no longer felt like murdering anyone.
    … so that’s what that’s like. Huh.

    Evidently my sister and I have a different ground state.

    The struggle continues. 🙂

  98. Today I used my bail money to buy a Cinnabon. Four, actually. Because I adulted through the week without stabbing people in the leg. The world is a strange, scary, hurtful place right now and I actively have to avoid the news and, often moreso, my social media feeds simply to avert from the nature of People. True colours, so to speak. I think I really resonated with your comment that “Life makes you change.” What I think needs to be highlighted is that we have the choice as to how we react to Life. Choice is a powerful tool in the kitchen drawer of Life.

    I think today I will choose to eat my Cinnabon and watch sloth videos. Start with myself. \m/

  99. Thank you Jenny. This last week has been hell (bad enough that I told my boss I was working from home today so that I didn’t have to deal with other people; I get things done so I am being treated as the only person that can do anything and I am beat), so after weeks of 5 hours or less, I slept in until 930. It was glorious. Sometimes it’s the little things that make the difference.

    That said, it would be nice if the political parties could have gotten with the program before it became a schoolyard tussle with no hope of recovery…this year I am finally registering for the vote because I darn sure want to make my voice heard that I do not want a pompous asshole running my country into the ground (or worse into the hands of our enemies).

    Sorry for getting rambly…I think I’m going to take a cue from my labs and take a nap in the sun and hopefully wake up more human.

  100. This planet is riddled with shitty people…what a dumb planet to have to be stuck on. I want off this ride and I’m taking the sloths with me.

  102. Last night I was filled with Ugly and also Mean – I was tired and overwhelmed and while I didn’t want to harm myself, at that moment I wouldn’t have minded just closing my eyes forever. I was definitely an Asshole yesterday. Sorry for that, everyone.
    I’m better today.
    Sloth me.

  103. I guess my good deed would be putting a few bucks aside to contribute to your bail fund. 🙂

  104. Thank you Jenny. For being you. For the reminder we aren’t alone. Today has been a day where everything I say is being misconstrued, where my closest confidantes are reacting before they listen, and acting like I’ve attacked them. My support systems are falling through, and there weren’t enough miles at the gym to get me out of my head. So I got lost in the woods. And things got a little brighter. But I’m still sitting here remembering the tears that were hidden in the sweat on my face and praying I’m strong enough on my own to survive this day. Sloth cuddles should be bottled and given away for emergencies.

  106. You’ll never go to jail in the State of Texas, Jenny. Call me if necessary. =)

  108. If you need bail money, call me and I’ll loan it to you…..you know up to a certain amount. Let’s not go crazy here, as my husband would say. People’s attitudes are going to hell in a hand basket these days. They have to stop listening to hatred and think about how they would like to be treated. Like good Christians say “Do unto others”. People are forgetting that.

  109. Looks like a visit to Costa Rica is in my future. I think I need a sloth fix in person. I’ve let myself get a bit overwhelmed by the assholes on occasion.

  110. I wrote this post about my neighbor Dave. One of the good ones.
    “Many years ago my husband and I moved to Huntington Beach. Our neighborhood was filled with families like ours, lots of kids and pets and surfers. There was a handful of neighbors who bought their homes from the developers in 1963 and these people kept our little community tight and loving. One man, in particular, was a retired Los Angeles fire fighter named Dave. He had made his living looking after others and when we met him he was walking around knocking on doors and reminding us all to move our cars as it was street sweeping day. When my children were little and playing in the front yard, Dave would be outside watching for speeding cars and gesturing to drivers to slow down. He had adopted our little family. His wife had passed the year before we moved in and many years prior he had lost his only son. I think he got a kick out of me because I was a mother of three who could often be found in the garage operating power tools. We had many long discussions about his time with the Fire Department and my time working in TV and in particular Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. For an audition I had dyed my hair dark red and he didn’t sugar coat his objection, “What did you go and do that for?” As time went by and my kids stopped playing outside, Dave slowed down. We had to be more diligent about moving our cars because he no longer ventured more than a few doors from his home. Today I discovered that Dave passed away while I was out of town. I am so sad he is gone but I knew his time was coming to an end. The last time we spoke he had trouble hearing, seeing, and walking. Often I find myself in a hurry when I leave the house. Meetings to make, kids to pick up, whatever I had put off for too long, but on occasion, as I bolted out the door to sprint off to an event, Dave would be walking by my house. I am happy to say I always stopped, slowed down, and said hello. I couldn’t brush him off because he never brushed us off. Two days ago I got a parking ticket. I like to think it was a little wink from Dave. “Slow down”, he might be saying. “Love your neighbors and look out for them.””

  111. I definitely needed the sloth Rx today! (Would, “Bring the sloth! STAT!” be an oxymoron?)

    Most of the time, it’s 3 steps forward and 2 back. This week has been the reverse, so thanks for the reminders about the sloth antidote to assholery, always having bail money stashed somewhere, and the awesomeness of Bloggessianism!

  112. Humanity just gave me a hug. I had major knee surgery, last week, and can still barely walk. I had to go and get a few groceries and six people helped me, without asking. It was so nice. It made my daughter notice how great people were to an injured person, which is something all kids should see. Made my heart kersplode with gratefullness.

  113. I have been in the same mindset today. All of the talk about Drumpf’s penis and Cruz eating boogers and then I look on Facebook and people are posting abused cats and dogs, whole families of children needing adopted, a lion being gored by a wildebeast, people with cancer, kittens on the high-kill list at animal shelters…..I sat on the bed, losing my shit. Like I have every day this week. And then the washer took a shit. It has not been a good day. I hold fast to the belief that there will be better days ahead, that summer is coming and with it, my depression will lighten a bit. There HAVE to be good days ahead, because the alternative is to continue to hide in my room until 2-3pm every day like I have been every day for two weeks now, wishing I could just sleep. Thanks for this.

  114. How dare he spend your bail money on the lights….wait a second, that sounds like something my wife would do…I better go check my emergency bail money hidey-hole.

  115. Love this and donuts, so don’t stab anyone and we will have donuts together, my treat.

  117. I actually said something similar today. I was at work so it was “don’t be a butt”. Then when I got home I considered starting my own driving school called “Don’t be a Dick” driving school, DBAD for short.

  118. So, a friend of mine once tried to convince me that Paul McCartney had died. This was before cell phones (the dark times), so I eventuality called my Mom to verify he was alive. At which point I threw a metal tipped dart into said friend’s leg and drew blood. 20+ years later, he still has a scar. But he knows not to mess with me – or Paul.

    I’m much less violent now. I promise.

  119. Totally needed this today, too. I live in the Bay Area and ride BART every day to and from work which is full to the brim of all varieties of loud, pushy, snippy, smelly, litterbug, entitled assholes who regularly push my “stabby” button(s) – pretty sure I have more than one. I will think of the sloth (and throw in some kittens, too) and try not to be an asshole to the assholes on my way home tonight. Thank you.

  120. I love you….you hold me together more than you know… I repeat depression lies more than I should, but I learned it from you… Thank you. ::blows kiss::

  122. You can depend on me for some bail money, Jenny. If you stabbed anyone, they were asking for it.

    Christy @119, I used to ride BART every day for work. I feel your pain. Sending you happy duckling images too. You’ll need them today with all this rain, people are gonna be extra smelly.

  125. Sloths are great! Ligers also make me happy. They do exist (I have a picture with one) and they are bred for their skills in magic. Plus my 3 year old just came over extended his arms and started swaying like he was in the wind and told me that he was a scarecrow. If my 3 yr old living his scarecrow dream isn’t happiness, I don’t know what is.

  126. I had a rough week so this post hit the spot! I love sloths, but Ligers also make me happy. They totally exist. I have a picture of me with one. They are totally bred for their skills in magic. As I write this my 3 yr old is holding his arms out and swaying as if being blown around in the wind. He just announced that he is a scarecrow. If my 3 year old living the dream of being a scarecrow doesn’t put a little more joy into this world, then I don’t know what will 🙂

  127. Today I was a sloth. With nails like that, I could stab a lot of people with kindness while hugging them. I’m pretty sure there shouldn’t be too many of us, or who would we climb on and hug?

  128. On wine slushies… the only place I’ve had those is at the Wimberly Valley Winery, on a couple of separate cycling trips. They were blue and fabulous. Is there another place?

  129. Your last sentence was clutch.

    Enjoyed this super inspiring post — I’m with you. Let’s realize our power and be kind and good.

  130. I love you Jenny. You are a force for good in the Universe. I believe that there are more good, loving, generous people in our country than there are assholes. The assholes get a lot of coverage from TV ’cause the people who care about ratings think they’re more entertaining. But you remind us of our goodness and generosity. We are broken and we are beautiful. Sending love to you and everyone on this list.

  131. really needed to feel the love jenny. thank you. all the hate / politics right now, really is grinding me down, draining me. on top of recently being injured and feeling like a burden or a complainer, i am having a hard time with seeing the good, and feeling the happiness.

  132. I keep meaning to write that I much appreciate that while I know your political stance on things… You don’t talk about it all the time. It goes beyond politics, the understanding of people in this little crazy club of sorts. And I’m a raging Republican… One that hates a certain someone who’s involved this cycle. So we likely agree on something anyway. But, people should be nicer to each other and freaking politicians should exemplify that. Done rambling now.

  133. Dear Blogess,
    You must be a gemini, right? I totally get it. And blame my gemini-ness for many of my oddities. Just checking.

    (Capricorn. Weirdo Capricorn. ~ Jenny)

  135. I have been there. I have cuddled a sloth. I forgot how awesome it was. Thank you for

  136. I try to be supremely nice, understanding, empathic, and giving to all people, in the real world and online, but people are still assholes to me. I will never understand people. I would use my hidden bail money (if I had any) to contact whatever aliens dropped me off on this planet – because surely, I cannot come from here originally. I DO feel like I belong in your tribe, though, Jenny! <3

  137. My good thing is I went to the doctor today and he validated my pain. I was so frightened he was going to say there wasn’t any reason for me to be in pain and refuse treatment. (I’ve been avoiding this visit for 4 years.) Instead of immediately dismissing me or speaking to me as though I were a drug-seeker or shaming me or the million other things my brain played endless videos of him doing, he did the one thing I wasn’t expecting and believed me and offered treatment.

    It’s pretty rough when the real asshole you have to deal with lives inside your head, but today I get to give her the finger and quietly bask in this small victory.

  138. I love you. This is exactly how I feel and how I try, and the only thing that makes others able to live with me is the fact that I do try to be compassionate and kind. I undoubtedly am yellier and surlier and grumpier than is healthy or fun to be around, but at least I recognize when I am and try to stop or change or make up for it in other ways. It doesn’t justify the yelling and occasional over-the-top reactions, but if I can be a nice person most of the time, I hope that it all balances out. Thanks for writing this, because I needed it today. YOU uplifted my spirits and made my world a little brighter, and I appreciate you.

  139. I’m starting to be afraid there are more evil people than I suspected. It is fucking with my view of reality and I hate it.

    And that sloth video is the best thing this week.

  141. Luckily, Michigan has what they call a personal bond so you don’t have to pay bail unless you don’t show up to your next court appointment. I swear there’s a halo over my head…

  142. I’ve practiced kindness all my life because I learned at a very young age how good it feels. I don’t always receive gratitude in return, but that’s okay because I always have an overabundance of that. Also, a great side-effect of kindness is that the expression on my face is now permanently pleasant. The down side to this free plastic surgery is that random strangers feel compelled to talk to me because I look friendly and, as an introvert, I’m forced into situations where I have to interact! gasp The bottom line is: You don’t have to be an asshole, and you don’t have to be a people person to always be kind to people… and animals… and nature… and yourself.

  143. I have a young patron (8?… maybe 9?)
    She’s in Girl Scouts and when they go for events and cookie sales, her shyness/anxiety is soooo bad, she spends most of the time in the bathroom crying or in the troop leader’s car. One troop member’s Mom was telling me how her daughter has noticed the fear and extreme reaction of her friend to crowds and being overwhelmed, so she has taken it upon herself to do the ‘brave butterfly’ role and holds her anxiety-frozen friend’s hand for the whole event.
    The two of them together are able to smile and meet people, sell cookies, and attend events. As long as they hold hands, there are no tears, hesitation, nor hiding in the bathroom.
    By the time the Mom got done telling me the story, I was in tears.
    At work.
    I had had a pretty rough day with *difficult     coworkers, more work tasks than time, and all met with the usual, “See the smile? I’m trying!” thoughts and behaviour control.
    Hearing how this pre-teen young lady noticed her friend’s distress and did more than ANY adult I know would do in this situation made my whole year better. And liveable.
    Because.
    There are kind and humanitarian little kids growing up right now.
    And I got to meet one of them 🙂

  144. Jenny, please keep writing. I love your voice and we need it in the world.

    p.s. Why would anyone send you hate mail about this post????

  145. Thank you again for a great post that seems to come at just the right time! I have also decided the sloth is a perfect mascot for me: slow, looks cuddly but could rip you open with those long claws at any moment! Also pps.: I am obsessed with your shirts on zazzle and have bought my third. Feeling Stabby worked miracles as my husband left me alone all day on Sunday. xo

  146. I have to thank you again. After poking around a bit online yesterday I found out twilight princess hd came out yesterday (didn’t even know they were putting it out). Quick trip to target where, as I was waiting for a salesperson to unlock the case, I was greeted by a few Rorys, hands raised in frenetic, metallic confetti throwing glee, which made me smile. Not really sure why they are selling books in the electronics department, but given they’re right by the registers, good advertising?

  147. Amen, sister! Both hatred and kindness can spread like wildfire if lit under the right circumstances. You don’t have to be a hero, you just have to be decent.

  148. It’s 10 minutes to midnight – I don’t think I was extremely arseholey today but I’ll try to be less arseholey tomorrow. You are like the ‘good’ me, or maybe ‘good sloth’ sitting on my shoulder encouraging me to do the right thing, be kind, be loving and understanding… you are a wonderful woman Jenny. Have a great day tomorrow, and avoid those assholes.

  149. My recovery mantra is “Don’t drink, go to meetings, and don’t be an asshole.”

  150. I am learning to not be bitter and angry at myself. It’s not who I was always, but it is who I have become, and sometimes finding my way back to a smile and an act of kindness, is the hardest task in the day.

    But you are right, we can change….

    Just like right now I am chuckling and smiling,

    My 5yo boy just came in a told me a “flat irons fry your hair, so don’t use them, Momma.”

    I can only chuckle and smile and give him a tousle of his hair and at that moment and be grateful for….

    all of it and you Jenny, because you make me smile and remind to be grateful,

  152. I try not to watch the news because there isn’t anything I can do to fix the big problems right now. However, there is an endless amount I can do to help prevent them in the future. Raise my children with love and teach tolerance. If we can’t get along with those we see daily how can there be peace in the world? I will not tolerate slurs or racial or religious jokes or hate talk. I try to lead by example, no one likes a hypocrite. If I can raise my children like that and they can then pass it to their friends and children and so on- then eventually the ignorance and hate will lessen. Hate breeds hate – but love breeds love. I don’t have to like everyone but I do have to respect them.

  154. I lost my dog last night. Actually, all three got out and only two came back. I’m somewhere between hysteria and grief right now. I did the whole drive around calling him thing. Then I started asking neighbors, most of whom I do not know at all. I live alone, I’m an introvert, I have a really hard time approaching strangers, but for my dog, anything. Anyway, long story short as of this morning I am officially a member of the neighborhood association and message board, and there are posts about my dog all over the place as these strangers spread the word. One even put him on FB for me, since I’m not on it. I can only hope I my dog comes home, but in the meantime it feels like my whole neighborhood has my back on this. It’s overwhelming and kind of awesome. And proof that sometimes people do not suck. Not even a little bit.

  155. Love the sloth video. I move about that speed most days. I like the idea that sloth-speed can be a good thing.

  158. I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s getting turned off by checking the news websites and my friggin’ Facebook feed. Why don’t we do a poll and let others know what websites we go to when we want some inspiration, a distraction, a laugh or cuddle time with sloths?!

    Here a few to start:

    http://twentytwowords.com/toddler-naps-with-his-2-month-old-puppy-every-day-14-pictures/

    http://live.soundstrue.com/selfacceptance/

    http://theunboundedspirit.com/tree-hugging-now-scientifically-validated/

    https://twitter.com/earth_pics?lang=en (@Earth_Pics on Twitter if this link doesn’t show up right)

    Cheers!

  159. I cashed in my life insurance policy this week to buy a nice camera so my wife can take cool pictures of birds. Birds are way better than dead people.

  160. Speaking of assholes, I had a revelation about their prevalence this week. My husband was recently laid off, and I tried to take out a loan to go visit my kids (who are spending this school year with their dad) for spring break. Even working full time, I barely make enough to cover our rent. So after two full days of searching for loans, I was targeted by a scammer, who sent me some very official-looking contracts and spent many hours on the phone with me and then stole $300 from me. The VERY SAME DAY, my husband was offered a job. The man offering the job (which is in the field of substance abuse recovery) made it conditional that my husband follow a policy of insurance fraud, a felony punishable by hundreds of thousands of dollars in fines, if you are caught, in addition to marring your permanent record. Being a man of integrity, he had to turn it down. And I am unable to visit my children, which is absolutely and understandably killing me, as well as them. Is it just me, or do assholes abound a lot more than they used to do?

  161. I am the program director for a case management program, and I see daily kindness and generosity of spirit. People are, I believe ordinarily good.

  162. Jenny
    Been listening to country song by Tim McGraw called humble and kind once in the morn and once before sleep. I think it applies to this blog and life!

  163. Just read your PS to the other girls in my house. We all cracked up for at least 5 minutes straight. That’s for lightening the mood at our crazy house!!!!

  165. I’m in my closet hiding from the worlid and wondering- does anyone ever feel like your ‘mental illness’ is fake? I just feel like a selfish, worthless being hurting everyone and myself. No ‘mental illness’ excuse. Just normal horrible.

  166. The sloth I want to see in the world was “swimming all out” to escape an incoming crocodile (or crocodile-related critter) with dinner on its mind, while Lorne Green did a very solemn-sounding narration. I believe there was a jaguar also involved. So funny!
    (Spoiler: the sloth made it out unscathed.)

    Damn, I wish I could find that somewhere on YouTube!
    So far, my Google skillz have failed me in this.
    🙁

  167. I am going through one of the most challenging times of my life right now and there is so much in this post that I needed to hear. I know that change is a comin’, that it is already happening and it is up to me to do my best (all I can do) to make it for the best.
    Plus, you actually made me smile with that sloth video and for that I send you the virtual equivalent of a swimming pool of the best fondue you have ever tasted.
    Thank you, Jenny.
    PS. Was proud to explain your latest book to my Mom at the local bookstore the other day. She is going to get it from the library now. 🙂

  168. I am a newspaper reporter and one of the things I LOVE most about my job is discovering all the good things going on in our community. Of course people volunteer and work together and of course I knew that (because I volunteer too) but it wasn’t until I started this job that I discovered the seniors doing a meat Bingo at the local bar every Sunday to raise money for our schools’ lunch programs or the people who pink and shave their hair here every year in Feb. to support a local girl in remission from leukemia. So there are great stories in the news too (and great editors who let us share them).

  170. Thank you. I’ve been having those days constantly too. Everything just seems so sad all the time. This helps!

  171. I can’t speak right now…. I have to go email my husband about us buying a sloth. this made my whole GD day – it did. Thank you. xo (and yes… your other words were very, very good. excellent and then sloth!)

  173. You are my hero. (Just finished your book) I also want a sloth now, but I have 3 dogs and 2 cats. So I’m already at the legal limit before animal hoarder.

  176. Pingback: 5 reason’s Jenny Lawson is killing the blogging game – learningtoadult

  177. The sloth video was exactly what I needed today, after my husband was a big baby over some stupid thing, and his pouting made me feel all stabby. But I did also notice a woman at Costco who let a dude cut in line in front of her because he was carrying just a few items and she had a cartful.

    So let’s all try to not be such an asshole! And cuddle sloths!

  178. Insomnia strikes again, so I’m binging/catching up. Just woke up hubby by laughing out loud. we have two dogs who love going to the dog park soooo much that they both howl and whine like they are being murdered until we get in the gate. I keep telling them that the first rule of dog park is don’t be an asshole. Seems like it’s also a good rule of life. I’m hoarding bail money, too. But I’d be willing to share.

  179. Loved this so much. Thanks for the awesome reminder. I wrote something about our (human) habit of unreasonable judging in my blog. Check it out if you can.. ramblingsofanentp.wordpress.com

Leave a Reply

MY BOOKS:


shop

Subscribe to the bloggess, y'all.

Enter your email address and receive notifications of new posts by email. It\'s like I\'m stalking you, but more efficient.

Archives

ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:

I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:

Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.

Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it.

The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”.  Often irreverent, always honest.

Barking at the Moon: If your dog is your furry child, you will laugh out loud at Tracy Beckerman’s book about her family & a one-dog wrecking ball named Riley.

Kieran’s Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.

Go Doc Yourself Podcast: When a good doc ends, the klatch begins… Join hosts, scientists, and friends, Erin McCourt and Erin McCartt in weekly documentary dissection.

Welcome to xanaru: A mostly funny blog about the quest for happiness through authenticity, Great Danes and indiscriminate swearing. Plus hand-painted, custom artwork on bags, jackets, backpacks & more.

How the Hell Did I Not Know That?: Humorist Lucie Frost shares daily Instagram reels with learnings of the day—words, music, whatever–with plenty of laughs and all the curse words.

Beautiful Writers book: Writers! This coming-of-career memoir (w/ the BEST advice from celeb authors, real shit you haven’t heard) is life. A page-turning beach read doubling as how-to. #Magic

The Dating Days of Marta O: When I told my sister I was building a blog she said: “Do people still read blogs?” I do not know, but if YOU want to read it, here it is. Keep in mind, my stories about dating after 40 are for the brave.

Where Do I Belong? A memoir of Sarah Carrington: The unbelievable story of growing up in a religious cult in the mountains of Northern British Columbia. What happens to you in life doesn’t make you strong; rising above it does.

CONNECTED: A Personal Journal for Ketamine Therapy Created by writer & patient Katherine Davis for this powerful clinical treatment. If considering ketamine for major depression, check out this essential tool.

Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh: SO GOOD.

Discover more from The Bloggess

Subscribe now to keep reading and get access to the full archive.

Continue reading