What are you even looking for? Seriously. What the shit.

Every once in awhile I look at the top searches that bring people to this blog, and then I think, What?  Why?  What?  And then I share it with you because honestly it’s jut too fucked up not to share.

The strangest searches that lead people to my blog this week:

pierced dog ears (Stop it.)

Did unicorns ever exist? (They still do.  They’re just very strong and they’re called rhinos.)

If it weren’t for my big balls I could have won. (I’m not sure what the contest is but I think this is a very good excuse for anything.  Track.  Spelling bees.  Whatever.)

What was wrong with the doll in the land of misfit toys?  (Low self-esteem?)

Hyena in my belly button (Please, God, tell me you misspelled “hernia”.)

jenny the squirrel nude  (So confused.)

lf you laugh in a dream you hand out sperm.  (Is this a dream interpretation?  Because I think you’re doing it wrong.)

What does she mean when she said I am going to miss your blabbering (It doesn’t seem like a good sign.)

What causes belly button to protrude and get wounded  (Hyenas?)

What’s great about eating brownies?  (Pretty sure this is a trick question.)

Taxidermy pygmy goat for sale (Send me pics.)

What does it mean when u did in your ear it feel like something crawls away when i smoke (You’re totally high right now, aren’t you?)

women’s gurgling belly adult movies (Is that a new thing?)

Why is my umbilical cord chilly (I don’t even know what to say here.)

You know that i’m not going to fucking marry you regardless of what you say (I’m already married but I still feel rejected, so thanks.)

i am a number less than 3,000. when you divide me by 32, my remainder is 30. when you divide me by 58, my remainder is 44. what number am i?  (Are you coming here for math homework advice?  Because you are in the wrong place, my friend.)

Can I use a hot glue gun stick to make a anal plug? (OH MY GOD, NO.  Wait, do you mean before it’s heated?  But still, probably still no.)

Why do I have a long, clear hair on third eye?  (I think you’re concerned about the wrong thing.)

Cats eating baby brains.  (How did it even get this far?  Because babies heads are protected by skulls and cats really only eat the face meat at best.  Have you confused cats with zombies?  Also, why are you googling this.  Call a hospital.)

Recreational drug I smoked taste like burnt plastic (I think you might be smoking plastic.  Is your bong plastic?  Because that’s how you get cancer.)

The secret about watermelon (Is the secret that it’s delicious?)

What is a hat vulva?  (Well now we both want to know.)

Beaver shot (I’m not sure if this is a hunting thing or a sex thing but either way I’m not into it.)

I’m going to disney world but i dont know because i can’t read  (What?)

I have 3 nipples.  (Are you one and a half people?)

dont.you.love.when.your.in.conversation.and.you.get.hung.up.on.like.really.no call.back (What’s happening here?)

I think they replaced my generic xanax with genericer xanax (“Genericier” is my new favorite word.)

This is the second time my potato pain doctor is late sending in refill  (THANKS, OBAMA.)

Goat shoes (Sure.)

I put banana in my veginer (1.  That doesn’t sound sanitary, but it’s probably better than hot glue. 2.  Forget “genericier”.  “Veginer” is now my new favorite word.)

My meth won’t melt.  (I guess I don’t know how meth works.  Are you bragging or complaining?)

My cat seems like she is feeling good what am i doing right? (I want to high-five you and also I’m confused.)

Why are girl scouts such bullshit  (Mom?)

alligator lizard in my toilet (What is even happening here?)

ear digging bugs in cambodia  (Nooope.)

dead squirrel wall  (There’s a dead squirrel in your wall or you have a wall built out of dead squirrels?  Either way, ew.)

hamster vargina seal broken (This is just a random string of words, right?  Please?)

Twitter my little pony friendship witchcraft aeroport (Am I high?  Are you high?)

Why am I so muscular? (Wow.)

Angry because my cat don’t pick up my phone. (Pick your battles, dude.)

can i eat kfc mashed potatoes with inflamed gallbladder? (No.  Use your mouth.)

hydrogen peroxide in ear to remove roaches   (AAAAAAAAHHHH.)

You will be my valentine or get the hose again? (Well, that escalated quickly.)

*******

And now, the weekly wrap-up:

bloggess sid

Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

Shit-you-may-or-may-not-want-to-see:

This week’s wrap-up is brought to you GloHoliday Travel a helpful, easy-to-use travel tips and holidays guide site.  Don’t let life pass by without taking the opportunity to roam the world and see new faraway places.  Gloholiday.com has a busy Pinterest and Facebook page filled with wonderful travel ideas, videos and pictures to inspire you. To see some of the wonderful vacation tips and holiday ideas on the site just head over and check it all out at gloholiday.com.

148 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Hilarious…I have been exploring mine for a while and I’ve learned if you use the word ‘fuck” it can be paired with anything and then you will have disturbing searches about mother son sex or sex with goats. People are weird.

    Like

    Michelle recently posted Googling “My oven is on fire”.

  2. Did Abraham Lincoln walk more than 1 mile to school?

    Like

    notquiteold recently posted Unbreakable?.

  3. Nice to know I am one of the normal ones.

    Like

  4. Your umbilical cord is cold because you don’t have a hyena to snuggle it.

    Liked by 6 people

    Kara recently posted Marvel’s Daredevil – Character Artwork – Elektra.

  5. Humanity, man…

    Like

    The Hook recently posted Silent Sunday: Guess Who’s Back?.

  6. What’s with all the ear stuff? Never mind. I don’t want to know that, either. I’ve seen Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, and that’s plenty.

    Liked by 2 people

    Tragic Sandwich recently posted Doing What Works, Because It Works.

  7. Also, feeling mildly disturbed that I think I understand the hot glue stick anal plug thing… (I believe they want to create their own by melting hot glue sticks into the shape of one. I’m thinking there are times to be crafty and this is not one of those times…)

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I still laugh (and show people) you’re ‘Let’s Pretend This Never Happened’ fiasco of your book being ‘found’ when searching for ‘giant’ ?
    (was that the search term? ‘huge’ was the inference:) ) dildos on Amazon…
    Awesome-ly hilarious.
    And…probably somewhat a good referral for the ‘so sad they need a giant dildo’ group.

    Like

  9. Addendum to your second answer: Also, sometimes unicorns like to swim and then they’re called Narwhals. But then again, I’m not sure those really exist either.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. I’m pretty sure they invented the Spork to eat KFC mashed potatoes. So put away that gallbladder.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. I laughed so hard I couldn’t breathe. My mother thinks I’ve lost my mind, because when she asked what was so funny I just said, “I put banana in my veginer.” So thank you. This is gonna be a good week.

    Liked by 5 people

  12. dammit. ‘your’ ‘Let’s Pretend….’ aaarrgghh…

    Like

  13. Hyenas! Fantastic. Now I have to go look at mine. I have a new blog and never have looked.
    Eh, mine are boring except “half a bad ass”.
    Someone is a mediocre badass? Only partway a badass?

    Like

    Half a 1000 Miles recently posted Like Oprah Loves Bread.

  14. Just want to say that I HAVE HAD AN ALLIGATOR LIZARD IN MY TOILET. It certainly changes one’s confidence in the toilet as a “safe space”. You’re welcome.

    Liked by 3 people

  15. I love search term queries. I get a LOT of weird porn-ish terms, but my favorite non-porn search term is “how to be a professional contest winner.” It makes me feel like a baller and ridiculous all at the same time.

    Other fan faves: “Can my boyfriend suffocate me with a pillow?” and “Postuniversity slackerdom.”

    Liked by 2 people

    Quirky Chrissy recently posted The Wonderful World of Zootopia.

  16. Literally the only search word that ever leads people to my site is “foreplay” which is probably highly disappointing considering that it’s actually just a bunch of comics about parenting and marriage instead of tips for pleasing ones partner because, like I said, I’m a married mother and actually don’t even know what foreplay is anymore.

    Liked by 2 people

  17. I’ve been wanting to read Eleanor & Park for a while now but something always got in the way. Not anymore! I just bought it.

    Like

  18. You know how when there’s a creepy guy hitting on everybody but you you feel kind of left out. That’s how I feel after reading this stuff. Because nobody ever looks for weird stuff and ends up with my blog. Obviously I am doing something wrong.

    Like

    Elyse recently posted I’ve Got to Hand it To Trump.

  19. Squirrel Girl is an obsure Marvel Character. Someone was probably looking for fan art. I am a Mom of boys who fell down the comic book character wikipedia hole. (It’s dark in here, send girl scout cookies and a flashlight. Also a ladder.)

    Liked by 2 people

  20. Thank you. I can always count on you for a laugh…

    Like

  21. So wait, people do a search with one of those weird questions and your blog pops up as a hit?

    Like

  22. The only way this gets better is if you show which post their search pointed to.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. “alligator lizard in my toilet”… I have actual nightmares about this.

    Liked by 1 person

    White Girls Be Like recently posted Coming Clean Into 2016: I Finally Showered!.

  24. My cat doesn’t pick up my phone, either! I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE!

    Liked by 3 people

  25. I could watch the sloth video a million times. I think I’m the one who needs to snuggle.

    Like

    Manicmom recently posted Meditation, monkeys, and how I’ll stave off certain disaster.

  26. True story about the doll from the Island of Misfit Toys: there was actually nothing wrong with her. It was truly low self esteem. She is all of us.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Thanks, Jenny. I needed that laugh.:)

    Like

  28. I love these so much. Does this make me weird?

    Like

  29. 29
    Amanda f Geary

    Dammit now I need to buy something from your shop so I can relive the dreams of my early 20s. Now it’s just 8 lbs of cat litter ha.

    Like

  30. 30
    Amanda f Geary

    I’m Amanda btw and I’m also crazy. Your book are awesome and I just gave “let’s pretend this never happened” to my preggo bff who has severe anxiety and can’t take her meds until she pops out her spawn. I’m hoping it helps.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. My top search word for my site is “wait”…not even sure…but yours are way cooler…as well they should be…

    Like

    The Hellion recently posted My Dad, A Man of Few Words...

  32. I was reading this and my husband said, “What are you laughing at?” I was laughing too hard to answer.

    Like

  33. I have to look at people’s searches all the time for work. A couple of recent favorites:
    – chocolate merkin (merkin = pubic wig)
    – biblical dream interpretation for feeding dogs raw chicken

    Like

  34. When I originally bought the ear drops 8 months ago, I recall thinking that given the brand name (a company that I associated for years with EYE drops) it would be easy to make a mistake one day, and put the ear drops in my eye. Fast forward to last week when I got up early and groggy with one dry eye… yes, you know where this is going, and let me tell you it felt like I lit my eye on fire. SO, after 10 minutes of frantically splashing water in my eye, I found myself googling “what to do if you put ear drops in your eye”. And apparently, I was not the first. Word to the wise.

    Like

  35. “I put banana in my veginer” What is more disturbing: a) someone searched this b) it lead to your blog c) I think I know what was really intended??

    Liked by 2 people

  36. That octopus video was disturbing. Did you know that octopus (octopi?) are as intelligent as pigs? I’m making that comparison up, but they are pretty cool creatures. Google some vids. Octopus and pigs. I should stop eating them.

    Liked by 1 person

  37. Potato pain doctor?

    I don’t…
    I can’t…
    Just… what?

    Like

    OwnLessDoMore.us recently posted It’s *my* birthday, but the BFT got all the presents.

  38. ERMAHGERD I PUT A BERNERNER IN MY VEGINER

    Liked by 3 people

  39. There is a whole lotta sex and drugs going on in there. Also, the other day I googled “Why is my teenager acting…” and the first hit was “like an asshole”. Interestingly, that was what I was what I was looking for. Yeah, he was going through a “phase”. It’s passed now, and I still love him tremendously, way more than the alligator lizard in my toilet.

    Liked by 2 people

    educationalmentorship recently posted My Week 75: Ken is Weirder Than Me, Is That a Light Sabre in Your Pocket…?.

  40. Now I’m googling “How do I edit typos in comments that I make on other people’s blogs?

    Liked by 2 people

    educationalmentorship recently posted My Week 75: Ken is Weirder Than Me, Is That a Light Sabre in Your Pocket…?.

  41. 41
    faith carapella

    Damn. I need to stop working so I can just hang out on this page and investigate all of these mysteries. I’m so curious. Fascinated. Terrified.

    Liked by 1 person

  42. “Because thats how you get cancer”….aaaaaaaaaaaaand thats when I giggled soda out my nose.:)

    Like

  43. The answer to the math question is 2,654. I just can’t resist math problems . . .

    Liked by 1 person

  44. This proves that pretty much ANYTHING leads to your blog. ANYTHING!!! It’s a small universe and this might quite possibly be the center of it😀

    Liked by 2 people

    BipolarOnFire recently posted Damn It All!.

  45. Totally snorted water through my nose when I read this:
    You will be my valentine or get the hose again?

    That shit burns. Thanks, Jenny.

    Liked by 3 people

  46. Oh my gosh, hahaha. This is excellent.

    Like

  47. Hilarious! Your commentary even better!! People regularly search ‘Iranian Feet’ and land on my blog. Please note: I do not have Iranian Feet. #weirdfetish perhaps

    Like

    Jane recently posted Don't Call My Daughter a Cunt, Russell.

  48. 49
    Penny Gruetzmacher

    I laughed so much when I read the weird questions. I feel kind of normal now. Thank you…

    Like

  49. Now you need to read Fangirl. Also by Rainbow Rowell!

    Like

  50. After helping my impatient husband connect a printer to our computer, your comments made my stomach and head relax. Thank you

    Liked by 1 person

  51. Women’s gurgling belly adult movies = hyena porn

    Like

  52. Just when I think I hate my life so much I’ll never laugh again, I read your blog. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  53. Always wondered about that doll, myself. Good to have a plausible answer.

    Liked by 1 person

  54. This post made me think, “Wow…her followers are really weird people…” Then I realized that I NEVER MISS A POST. facepalm

    Love your blog. It’s my fave.

    Liked by 1 person

    hazelhillboro recently posted Prison.

  55. Huh. I didn’t even know you could look at the searches that led to a hit on your blog. Makes me want to write a blog, but then somebody would have to read it and the voices tell me not to attract attention to us.

    Liked by 3 people

  56. Laughing. So. Hard.

    Liked by 1 person

  57. Laugh and then share so others can laugh!

    Like

  58. “Recreational drug that tastes like burnt plastic”: Dude. Dude. How the hell do you know what burnt plastic tastes like?!

    Like

  59. I don’t know which amuses me more, that people actually Googled these things, or that Google just went, “Look, I don’t know, just… here, go to The Bloggess’ website, maybe she said something about it…”

    Liked by 5 people

  60. We rescued a dog a couple of weeks ago and her name in the shelter was Jenny. That is also my sister’s name so I wanted to change it. I Googled superheroes named Jenny. A link to your blog came up.

    Liked by 1 person

  61. And here I was sitting, wondering why I consistently get hits for “Fancy pussy”. The fuck? And if you spell “vagina” as “veginer”, then I hope the ONLY thing that goes into (or comes out of, consequently) is a banana.

    Like

    MeglyMc recently posted If You’ll Forgive Me For This Moment….

  62. What a gorgeous picture of you in that article! You are absolutely beautiful! :) The author did a great job on both articles.

    (BTW, I’m thinking that a chilly umbilical cord might be the result of not producing enough belly button lint. I know. Ewwww! It’s been one of those days; I spent 7 hours in the library yesterday.)

    Liked by 1 person

  63. 64
    Jennifer13

    It’s all fun and games until your employer, or the FBI, decides to search your computer, and the headline in your local paper says, “Teacher caught googling cats eating baby brains” and “twitter my little pony friendship witchcraft aeroport,” and you get fired because no one really knows that you’re just trying to read Jenny’s blog and they think you’re trying to find weird punishments to inflict on your classroom. Don’t ask me how I know this. :)

    Liked by 3 people

  64. 65
    Mastiffcat

    hahahahaha! Remember the gloriously inappropriate Valentine with the hose? Not in my hair!

    Liked by 1 person

  65. I’m jealous! The search term that I get for my blog is “old lady with a cane.”

    Young whippersnappers.

    Like

    digbydigz recently posted How to have Faith in your Novel-Writing.

  66. 67
    Alexis Lynn

    Omg I just laughed until I cried. And had uncontrollable coughing fits. Wow, people are interesting, aren’t they? Also, I know you voted for “veginer”, but I think “genericier” is my new favorite word.

    Liked by 1 person

  67. The spouse listened to a few; said he didn’t quite get it. I., of course, was laughing maniacally. Killing me with the last one. OMG.

    Liked by 1 person

  68. Damn my eyes(ight). Again with the typos – sigh. Thought that dot after I was a speck on my screen.

    Like

  69. I needed this laugh to help fight the building depression. Thank you. Also, does this mean I am one of the “normal” ones? Not sure how I feel about that….

    Like

  70. How are there no comments about how the recreational drug tastes like plastic because they were smoking it out of Hannah’s Betsy Wetsy doll’s head bong?

    Like

  71. Wow. If there was a contest for “craziest searches that led to a blog” I suspect you would win it. (A dubious honor, perhaps?) I’ve actually been keeping a whole page of crazy searches that led to my blog, but they don’t approach these. (http://wp.me/P52JFd-gj) The best of them are these:
    “virgin lonely insane”
    “quotes to provoke your husband when he has wronged you for him to come back to his senses”
    “i.don have.to.follow.all.the.time.because.you.”
    “passive sexscenen”
    “i’m pretty then you”
    and, of course,
    “megurine luka sex doll”

    Sex does seem to come up a lot on searches, huh?

    (Uh, I have two blogs, btw. The “sex doll” search went to my doll blog, rather than my “jabbering about this-n-that” blog. Just, you know, setting the record straight on that one…)

    Like

  72. Alligator lizard in the toilet? Now you know why I’ll be shitting in the street.

    Like

  73. I love the WordPress search term function although most terms seem blocked. Stupid fucking privacy. My top search term for my blog is “farmer porn.” That really doesn’t capture my essence nor does variations on “bestiality puppy.” Oh, Internets.

    Like

    kstewand4cats recently posted Flip the Dog.

  74. But… you wrote the sentence about genericer Xanax. It’s your own word, Jenny. (I apparently remember titles of posts from 2013. And I had to Google to make sure before posting, so now I’m someone who Googled that and ended up on your site. Maybe it was me in the first place in some kind of time travel way. Cue Doctor Who theme)

    Liked by 1 person

  75. I work for TSA at a small airport. One of our primary destinations is Disney. An old coworker of mine hadn’t ever seen the “I’m going to Disney but I don’t know it yet because I can’t read” shirt. Instead of reading the ENTIRE shirt. He immediately tells the kid “Oh! You’re going to Disney! That’s so cool!” The kid was excited, the Mom, not so much!

    Like

  76. I may or may not have been the one to Google “I think they replaced my generic xanax with genericer xanax” LOL Oh, man, now “genericer” is my favorite new word! Also, I hate genericer xanax – like when they went from football shaped to round I FREAKED out thinking it was the wrong medicine!

    Liked by 2 people

  77. Some of those were extremely hilarious due to your reactions to them, but I notice people seem obsessed with shit in their ears. And I’m not commenting on the even more disturbed.

    Like

  78. 79
    Jensownzoo

    My belly hurts from laughing. Best end to a day.

    Liked by 1 person

  79. “I put banana in my veginer ” – try a pineapple!

    Liked by 1 person

  80. Great book! Now, Fangirl by same author – Rainbow Rowell

    Like

  81. Jenny the squirrel is a young woman who live streams while she plays video games. She is successful enough at doing this that she makes a very good (estimated $100k+/yr) living.

    Like

  82. 83
    Elena Marie

    Is it bad I just want to search all of these now to see what else pups up?

    Like

  83. I wet my bed reading that. You owe me a new bed.

    Like

    butterflymumma recently posted The Reciprocation Principle as Relates to the Fine Art of (Not) Giving a Fuck.

  84. I’m suffering from peri menopausal insomnia, tmi, and I accidentally woke up my husband because I snort laughed 5 times while reading this instead of sleeping. You always know what I need. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  85. I love search term posts – there are some doozies every time you do this.

    I liked Eleanor & Park, but it’s not my favourite of her books. My favourite is Attachments – have you read that one?

    Like

  86. I say “potato”, you sat “potyto”
    I say “veginer”, you say “vaginer”
    etc. etc.

    Like

  87. 88
    Noella Grady

    I found three answers to the math problem: 798, 1726, 2654. Because…I’m a nerd with access to excel?

    Liked by 1 person

  88. Hahaha! This was the wrong thing to read while trying to fight insomnia at 1 a.m. Good thing my boyfriend is a sound sleeper, because my cat thought I was insane for laughing alone in the dark.

    Like

  89. […] What? And then I share it with you because honestly it’s jut too fucked up not to share. … Continue reading → […]

    Like

  90. See, my first thought when it came to “beaver shot” was that it was alcohol-related. They should make phrases like “beaver shot” into the new Ink Blot Test!

    Like

  91. 92
    AdsrianM1971

    This sentence made my day “cats really only eat the face meat”

    Like

  92. Now I’m wondering how to find out if folks are searchig for my blog…but then decided I don’t want know.

    Ignorance is bliss, and all of that.

    Like

  93. What a great way to start my week; I’ll have the giggles all day long!

    Like

  94. Goodness gracious! I don’t think I have ever laughed at a post so much. EVER!😀

    Like

    Diya of Pen2Needle recently posted Green Mubazzarah Chalets – Al Ain.

  95. Hyena in my belly button is the best. It’s a beautiful image. Now we need a belly button hyena shirt in your shop.

    My top search remains some variation of “drug screen blue water pee.” I am the top search result there. It seems there are lots of people out there looking for a way to beat drug screens. That particular post has spent four years on my “top posts of the week” widget. My other big winner is “Tortoise Belly Button.” I’m the top result there, too. I. Am. FAMOUS!

    Liked by 1 person

    becomingcliche recently posted Nearly Wordless Wednesday: It’s Tortoise Hatching Season!.

  96. Came here for the genericer xanax. Stayed for the banana in the veginer.

    Like

  97. Okay, this list is seriously more than I can handle😀 And here, I was losing my mind over who would in the world would search for “the soul wandering in the tea” and land on my blog😀

    Like

  98. ear digging bugs in cambodia – that may be a Survivor reference.

    Like

  99. 100
    sweetsound

    In one week????? Hahahahaha

    Like

  100. I clicked on the high school article and totally thought they called you an “awkward, winning author.” And I was like, “That’s true. She is awkward, but in a really winning way.”

    Like

    kidprojectmom recently posted Gandalf.

  101. I work in a preschool located on a huge college campus. We have a telephone operator that takes incoming calls and directs them to the appropriate place, and we seem to get any calls that have anything at all to do with children, no matter how obviously unrelated to our preschool. I think there is some lazy internet operator out there directing all obviously insane, nonsensical, or typed-while-high searches to your page! Now resist the urge to copy those searches into your OWn browser and see where they go…entire lives get sucked that way!

    Like

  102. I have to go check my searches and see if I have any funny ones. I have no search keywords. I’m not sure what that means. I think my blog must be lost in cyberspace.

    Like

    Catherine recently posted One Boy by Laura Vaccaro Seeger.

  103. Your responses are so funny that I had to get up off the floor and take my laptop to the couch so I could continue reading them in comfort. I realize that says as much about me and my priorities as it does about your post… For the record, I was on the floor because that was the only sunny spot in my house. Which might make me half-cat.

    Like

    Kady recently posted There's a reason soccer moms are crabby, and it's got little to do with soccer..

  104. Regarding Eleanor & Park, the first time I tried reading it I was in a bad place and it made me too sad, so I had to stop. My daughter then convinced me to read Landline and after that, when I went back to E&P I absolutely loved it! So if you have tried it and put it down, PLEASE give it another chance!

    Like

  105. I have an answer for the Disney World one! There’s a thing where you make your kid hold a sign that says “I’m going to Disney but I don’t know because I can’t read” or something and then you take a picture?
    The rest of them….are probably better left unanswered.

    Like

  106. if these internet searches brought up your blog it would go a long way in explaining some of the stuff I have seen in the comments section.

    Liked by 1 person

  107. Thank you, I literally laughed myself out of a panic attack this morning. These were all awesome.

    Like

  108. I’ll admit it, all the cat ones were me…

    Like

    Mariana recently posted Guest Book Review: As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner.

  109. I have never been more proud of the tiny little high school I graduated from than when I realized that they had interviewed you and been mentioned in your weekly wrap-up. I was an outcast when I went there, and went on to become a huge Bloggess fan, so I’m happy to know that they are being more accepting of people who are different.

    Like

  110. Hysterical per usual ..I don’t even know how to search for how people find my blog ..but then again I’m pretty inconsistent.

    Like

  111. oh holy fuck, that octopus video just gave me the heebie jeebies! never again. calamari- ruined forever.

    Like

  112. 113
    pathofstars

    I got stuck on whether narwhals were swimming unicorns or not, since they are in a very literal way, but maybe not in an accepted-by-society way, and I was starting to get worried that narwhals spend their lives feeling rejected by all this, and then LaurenElizabeth (comment 9) answered it, that yes, they are swimming unicorns, so there’s no need to worry about them feeling rejected. Which I think is pretty much proof that I should read the comments.

    Like

  113. I meant LaurenElisabeth. With an S. (I bet people do that all the time. Sorry to be one of them.)

    Like

  114. My friend found an alligator lizard in her dishwasher the other day. Better or worse than a toilet?

    Like

  115. I’ve heard of the dreaded hyenal hernia (sometimes hi-anal, it’s a dialect thing), but the belly button is a new location.

    Like

  116. Heywow girl!
    lovely snap of you with the high school-booky-thang happening; you look gorgeous! Seriously!
    I don’t want a damned thing from you. But if I did…you are 10 kinds of beautiful😉

    Like

  117. This is the coolest wittiest blog around. I want my blog to be like yours when he grows up.

    Like

    jwgoodman recently posted Animals!.

  118. 119
    Sam Parker

    I don’t know if thie BOOKSGIVING is still going on but I’ve avoided making a wish list and I’ve finally gained the courage. I’ve been reading Jenny for years and I bought her first book the day it was released. My life is currently a chronic number of anxiety disorders, panic disorder, and both bulemia and anorexia. I went to treatment but currently don’t have the means to continue it so I’m not able to work and don’t leave the house anymore. This would REALLY make my day…I can’t remember the last time I had money to buy things with. Jenny I’ve been reading your blog since you were drawing on bananas at the grocery store (which you still may be doing), and I’m at my lowest point right now and still visit your blog to get me through. I even brought your book to treament with me as a security item.

    P.S – knock knock motherfucker

    https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1250077001/ref=aw_wl_ov_dp_1_1?colid=E8RO7WZ7ZTN&coliid=I2L0Q4793FU3SX

    Like

  119. 120
    Anonymous

    DMT is the recreational drug that smells like burnt plastic

    Like

  120. The octopus isn’t dead, there are idiots in the world who like to torture animals by eating them while they are still alive. They do this to snakes as well.

    Like

  121. Haha! I made your blog!!! 😎 Not by name but that math question was me looking for the answer for my fifth grader bc I suck at math….I didn’t find the answer. My husband had to explain it to him. But I don’t know why that would pop up on your blog as it did not come up as a suggestion. Although, I probably did come to read your blog after giving up on trying to teach myself math.

    Like

  122. I’m sure you will never read this as you have so many comments to read through daily. But shall you ever happen to find this. I just want you to know; you saved my life. Your book, and in turn you because you wrote it, saved my life. Thank you. I have never felt so indebted to someone who I have never meet. Nor did I ever know I wasn’t alone. Thank you for Furiously Happy. And thank you, for being you.

    Like

    30nerdgrrl recently posted A bit more serious.

  123. these are fantastic! “boxing grandmas” was the best I got so far. I have so much work to do to elevate my game.

    Like

  124. I practically peed my pants laughing and had to put a hand over my mouth to keep the giggles from getting out. (Not sure if it was mine or not.) Anyhoo, thanks for being you, Jenny.

    Like

  125. I wish I knew how to get the search terms to show up for my blog. I’m curious.

    Like

    Wolf of Words recently posted Interview Questions 3.

  126. Jenny ! Seriously awesome post. Laughed until my sides hurt and then more after reading everyone’s comments.

    Like

  127. I’m glad I’m not the only one who will do random google search when drunk

    Like

    deliriouspancake recently posted Why I am a hypocrite.

  128. Obviously veginer = vegetarian vagina. Of course it would only want a banana

    Like

  129. […] The Bloggess – http://www.thebloggess.com – Humour Recent Favourite: Some of the ridiculous things people search for to get to Jenny’s blog. […]

    Like

  130. I love this!!! What a great idea for a post!! Some of those are really like ummmm….

    Like

  131. The strangest thing is there are people who are into all those things. Scary…

    Like

    Musings, Rants & Scribbles recently posted The 7 Coolest Things About Being an Introvert.

  132. The one of the only parts of my freshman sex ed class that I remember is the introduction speech by my mid-seventies male teacher, which concluded with, “In this class we don’t use none of those slang words. A penis is a penis and a veginer is a veginer.”

    Stay classy, South Carolina.

    Like

  133. That’s so stupid shit but people in the world are stupid,

    hey visit my blog and leave a comment womenspeakingout.wordpress.com

    Like

  134. Hilarious! God, I can’t stop laughing, its amazing what people think when they type search terms.:)

    Like

  135. You really do get the best search results out there.

    Like

  136. Hahahaha, I love you so much.

    I’ve gotta say that I think I’d rather have a bellybutton hyena or a veginer banana or potato pain than an alligator lizard in my toilet.
    Probably not ear bugs, though.

    Like

  137. “i am a number less than 3,000. when you divide me by 32, my remainder is 30. when you divide me by 58, my remainder is 44. what number am i?”

    Well now every kid with that math problem is going to find this site when they Google it.

    Like

  138. I thought of you with my current book:”Ophelia and the Magnificent Boy”. I am not quite through with it…. I will be SO angry if it doesn’t end well! Good book for Hayley too!

    Like

  139. 😂😂😂😂

    Like

  140. I’ve never had a hyena before but they don’t sound funny to me.

    Like

  141. Ok as for the unicorns. North Korea found the secrete unicorn place the the king hide. It all happened in 2012. So yes they were real. Lol sorda.

    Like

  142. 144
    Debbie Knott

    Jenny, thank you so much for your blog. Today’s post made tears come out of my eyes. You are so silly.

    Like

  143. Have you read Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli? Because if not, you totally should.

    Like

  144. 146
    potato queen

    I know what a vulva hat is! I learned this from a U.S. Marine: it’s the military side cap, the foldable hat you see service members in uniform wear, which if view from the top supposedly resembles, uh,… yeah. Also know as (and introduced to me as) a c*nt cap or piss-cutter. Because CLASSY!

    Like

  145. 147
    ocindyocindy

    Eleanor & Park – best line = “Yesterday happens”. Chapt 27, but you have to read all of it until then to get the full effect.

    Like

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