Jenny needs to stop googling herself. Google needs to stop making assumptions.

Did you know that if you google your name followed by “needs” it will auto-populate some crazy-ass shit that google thinks you need?

Let’s try it:

jenny needs2

So…um…what?

Huh.  So maybe let’s add another word?

jenny needs

Or not.  Whatever.

PS.  Am I the only one who got weird shit when they did this?

PPS. Can I borrow $16,000?

PPPS.  Hang on.  You know what?  Let’s try this again to see what Google thinks I actually have:

Screen Shot 2016-03-09 at 3.43.13 PM

Jesus, Google.  Never mind.

301 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Nancy needs
    …. to pee. (and I DO!!!!) (But then again, I always do, so Google is no clairvoyant.)

    Liked by 2 people

    notquiteold recently posted In Praise Of Pantyhose.

  2. Little Chrissy needs sugar.

    Damn right I do!

    Liked by 1 person

    Quirky Chrissy recently posted There’s Nothing More Tasteless Than Eating Disorder Jokes at a Bridal Show.

  3. I have never tried doing that. Perhaps I will sometime when I need a laugh. Or when the school board stops being idiots and I quit asking WTF??? of them and still feel the need to ask WTF??🙂

    Like

  4. Apparently I don’t need anything as my name doesn’t auto-populate in Google. Only the imitation Justin populates and he seems to need to stop dropping banger after banger. False Justin’s needs surpass my own.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Google knows some weird Jennys.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Just tried this. I hope google isn’t like a magic 8 ball. Otherwise I’m going to be surprised with a baby, giraffe, spina bifida, and cancer. But I’ll be able to put it on the snapchat it knows I have.

    Like

  7. Sarah needs…a lung transplant.
    Sarah needs a…lung.
    Sarah has…apparently, shitty lungs.

    Liked by 4 people

  8. Heather has….two mommies. Not true, but maybe I would have been more emotionally stable if I had? Who knows.

    Liked by 4 people

  9. “Jenny needs a shooter” Now I have to go listen to some Warren Zevon..granted, the actual lyrics are “Jeannie needs a shooter” but hey, close enough.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. “Tracy needs to find the length and width.”

    Reading the actual results is far more boring than the prompt suggests.

    Like

  11. When I put “Jacqueline needs…” it doesn’t show anything! So I guess I’m very simple!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. PS type in Lucretia needs or any other and Google draws a blank. I am a mystery.

    Like

  13. Rachel needs a vacation, some action, and some action fanfic.

    So yeah, sometimes Google is spot on.

    Like

  14. Wow! How exciting for you. Ruth has come down with measles.
    You should try “is”. Ruth is the Truth and Jenny is awesome!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. The only thing that comes up for me is “a kidney”, and with has “a heart attack”. It is not looking good for me.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. According to both my full name and my nickname, I need a kidney. However, I have stormy eyes and “the following portfolio of assets” so that’s nice. And if I put “wants” the only auto-correct is Drake. Which shows how this method is 100% accurate.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Apparently ‘April needs’ to estimate the sum of 427 and I also need mental help. Touché Google.
    Having a month as a name, all results for ‘April has’ list numbers of days. Though the different results for just how many days the month of April has is a rather alarming indicator of, lets just say, questionable intelligence.

    Liked by 1 person

    misery & mayhem recently posted not another cat post? sadly, yes.

  18. Amanda needs…a kidney!

    Like

  19. Apparently I need some action, not sure which kind. I’m hoping for a Quintin Tarantino movie and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s

    Liked by 2 people

  20. I tried this and apparently I need nothing nor do I have anything. I tried “Colleen needs” and “Colleen needs a” and “Colleen has”. Apparently everyone with my name is boring – clearly I’m rebelling against my name or possibly I was named incorrectly.

    Like

  21. Carolyn wants to shrink.

    Mmmmkay.

    Like

  22. Twitter, Coffee, Love in Paris

    Like

  23. Nicki needs
    Nicki minaj body needs a hero…
    Um…okay. LOL

    Like

  24. Emily needs stem cells

    Like

  25. Lapis doesn’t need anything but evidently already has “a nice day”

    Like

  26. Probably you need the $16K to treat your herpes. My name displayed NOTHING that I need. Shannon has gone.

    Like

    Shannon akaMonty recently posted "That Moment When Your Heart Explodes From BlogAwesome" #FakeUpworthyTitle.

  27. And apparently Jennifer has two daddies
    also Jennifer needs to quit being paranoid, a home, a job, and ice for live crawfish.
    Who knew?

    Liked by 1 person

  28. Needs…medical attention
    Has…broken
    Wants…to sleep

    Is…oh. Heh. That one brought up one of my steamier blog entries.😉

    Like

    Mrs Fever recently posted Remembrance.

  29. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. The benefit of having such a weird name is that Google does not think about me all that much. Score.

    Like

  30. jean has a long moustache and jean wants bill to do the Macarena. Thanks for the giggle.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. 31
    rivetergirl

    Robin needs a kidney. I didn’t know that. Maybe I need to go to the doctor.

    Liked by 1 person

  32. I feel disappointed with my results – apparently Erin needs (nothing)… but I have a business plan.

    Liked by 1 person

  33. 33
    ocularnervosa

    Ocular needs
    Ocular needs assessment
    Ocular needs and wants
    Ocular needs more cowbell

    “Ocular has” got weird
    eye has not seen ear has not heard
    eye has been twitching for days
    eye has not seen lyrics

    I decided to do:
    Ocular wants
    Ocular wants and needs
    Ocular wants and warrants
    Ocular wants to be a millionaire

    OK, so that last one’s true.

    Like

  34. Apparently, I need an alibi. And I don’t even know who got stabbed.

    Liked by 4 people

  35. Hmm. Just hmm. I don’t use Google unless I can possibly help it. I just checked, and it still doesn’t know what I need or have. It could be my name. I tell my mom pretty regularly that she spelled my name wrong. She doesn’t find it amusing.

    I don’t find it amusing that Google knows she has perfect pitch. And I’m pretty sure she doesn’t have “a happiness.” WTF Google?

    Like

  36. According to Google:
    Mary needs: salvation or a dog wheelchair.
    Mary needs a: savior or alternatively a savings plan (very true)
    Mary has: a savior but does she need one? A dog that needs a wheelchair.

    Like

  37. Diane needs 165 pieces of candy
    Diane has just 18
    Diane is stealing seats

    Huh.

    Like

  38. C’mon Google! It’s ‘Jenny’s GOT a gun.’
    Lisa needs: ‘braces’ ??

    For the upright, maybe.

    But, ‘Lisa wants’ got a pony!!

    Go Google! (Don’t tell Hubby🙂 )

    Like

  39. Makes me feel a little sorry for Teresa and Joe. ;-

    “teresa needs help”
    “teresa needs to divorce joe”
    “teresa has a balance of 3750”
    “has teresa and joe going to court”
    “how long has teresa and joe been married”

    Like

  40. Apparently I don’t need, have, or want anything, but I do share my name with a special needs kitten.

    Like

  41. Hahah this was just too funny, I haven’t tried it ever so I will give it a go for a good laugh.😀

    Like

  42. Apparently, and according to Google, Google needs to die. Maybe Google needs some SSRIs.

    Like

  43. Cathy has 12 black socks
    Cathy has a collection of dimes and quarters
    Cathy needs IBM (Apparently there is a Cathy Needs who works for IBM)

    Like

  44. Erica has 8 squares of felt.

    I find that weirdly specific. And crafty.

    Liked by 2 people

  45. I googled “Heather was” and got “Heather was in the midst of an excellent speech.” I’ll take it. “Heather needs” said “a van.” And I do not. I am done with those stupid things. No more vans.

    Like

    becomingcliche recently posted Nearly Wordless Wednesday: It’s Tortoise Hatching Season!.

  46. Stephanie has a go at Gemma
    Stephanie has $152 in the bank

    Like

  47. Oh, dear. It looks like Google is a depressed vampire (so last year). Google wants your blood.

    It has everything and has stopped.

    Is sad that I find it interesting that putting a space after the verb shows different results?

    Like

  48. Julie needs…a kidney
    Julie has…a fear of riding in elevators
    I don’t need a kidney as far as I know, but my fear is “glass elevators”! Hate those things🙂

    Like

  49. Grace needs freedom, lace, and a new boyfriend. I’ll have to break the news to my husband.

    Like

    Grace recently posted What You Need to Know About the 7 Types of Plastic.

  50. Apparently, I need to read 14 pages plus I need to get a van. Hopefully, the 14 pages are the manual for the van. Apprently, I also need to go to Port Washington. I hope the van holds up for that trip because I live in Ontario, Canada. Plus I will need to get a passport. Funny it didn’t tell me that. Sigh.

    Like

  51. Crap. Is it sad? I am sad I can’t see typos. How do you feel about that, Google?

    Like

  52. This is scary on so many levels! We can take up a collection to get you those diapers I guess though – if you really want them…😉

    Liked by 1 person

  53. When I google my name with “needs” (both with and with out the “a”), it only shows needs for a “Tracy” and confirms further it doesn’t mean me by adding last names that definitely aren’t mine. When I google with “has”, nothing pops up. At all. So, apparently neither I need nor want for nothing.

    That or Google is like that cute asshole in high school that acted like I didn’t exsist.

    Or maybe, I don’t exist.
    Well, THAT’S depressing.

    Thanks a lot Google. 😟

    Like

  54. Mine aren’t as weird as I hoped for, but apparently my relationship needs a spark. Which isn’t true, unless you ask my husband.

    Like

  55. Although people have asked “Google are you gay” not enough of us have asked “Google are you sad”.

    Like

  56. Catherine needs to lay off the tacky shimmer.😦

    Like

  57. Oh My God.

    I messed up my OWN name.

    heads back to bed

    Like

  58. 58
    Heather, of course

    Heather wants a millionaire
    Heather wants to make a 36 acid solution
    Heather wants a pair of shoes

    Heather really really must want those shoes

    Liked by 1 person

  59. Apparently I don’t have anything, am nothing and don’t need anything. Um, apparently Google isn’t infallible. Keep trying Google.

    So… Here’s my question: did it just randomly occur to try this? Or do you have a book a random, awesome ideas like this that you’ve created?

    Like

  60. Kate needs a date and a haircut (screw you, Google.).

    Kate has 21 coins and things to say (Truth.).

    Liked by 1 person

  61. Cindy needs Morrison Profiles; a vehicle; healing and guidance
    Cindy is a gangster
    Cindy has been adopted; has come full circle

    Like

  62. ja ja! google needs to get their stuff together!

    Like

  63. When I google “Suzanne needs,” this comes up: susan needs to measure and heat the chemical. So I suppose google can’t get my name right, but I am a chemist, so I forgive the mistake.

    Like

    Suzanne recently posted Idiomatic Implementation of Technology – The Obstacles.

  64. Sharing a first name with Lindsay Lohan has its drawbacks. I need rehab, Jesus & a vacation. At least two of those are true for me too but I’m not saying which two. 😂

    Liked by 1 person

  65. Apparently I lack for nothing as I have no needs but I ‘is’ like jo, cho, and chok (who or whatever they are), I’m new at the zoo, and I’m making chocolate pudding. Well. I hope the polar bears appreciate how hard it is to make pudding in the animal enclosure!

    Liked by 1 person

    Stu Glennie recently posted Creative Writing Class Six: The Sixth Story.

  66. Dwayne needs more touches.
    Dwayne is gay.

    When Google autocomplete is more accurate than horoscopes…

    Liked by 2 people

  67. 67
    Stacie Fortenberry

    Sadly, I apparently need nothing… I do however have some disturbing things.:-/

    stacie has a new bed toy
    stacie who has a mass of 45 kg
    stacy mom has got it going on
    

    Liked by 1 person

  68. Leah needs (didn’t work)
    Leah needs a (ditto)
    a little sad at this point, thanks for the crap game suggestion
    Leah has
    oh, this is better!
    Leah has
    a boyfriend (my wife of 20 years was interested to hear this)
    13 coins
    a drug problem (likely why I only have 13 coins)
    a baby fanfiction (what people with drug problems write when they need money)

    Liked by 1 person

  69. Dixie wants…an allergy. Thanks, I already have one.

    Liked by 1 person

  70. Apparently I have 459 friends and some lawn chairs. WOOHOO!
    Tried “Karen is…” and got my daily affirmation. Yay, Google thinks I’m awesome! And a knowledgeable intelligent person! And I’m standing near the flagpole! Wait… what?

    Get it right, Google. I’m SITTING near the flagpole. In a lawn chair. With my 459 friends.

    Damn, I’m awesome!

    Liked by 1 person

  71. Apparently I need a van & a blog & I have 2 mommies. hmmmm

    Like

  72. Neither of my names (Scar/Scarlett) came up with anything under “needs” or “needs a”… maybe I just have no needs😉

    However, googling “Scar has…” came up with exciting things like “gone red”; “white bumps”; “gone purple”; “white spots”.

    I have an odd name.

    Liked by 1 person

  73. June has 30 days. (I’ve never enjoyed being named after a month)
    June has a set of folding chairs. (Well, that’s more like it)

    Liked by 1 person

  74. “Janice needs to get off her high horse.” Damn….put me in my place.

    Liked by 1 person

  75. (btw, it’s Jeanie who needs a shooter. it’s a song by Warren Zevon)

    Like

  76. Google is responsible for my career. And Elyse needs …. wine. Elyse Winery. I am so there …

    Like

  77. 77
    Anne Lantto

    Anne frankly it needs to stop. Yes. Yes I do.

    Liked by 1 person

  78. lori has a pig on her head………. HAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  79. (With my real-life name) I apparently want ice cream, need SoundCloud, and have three pieces of ribbon.

    Like

  80. “sue needs to invest $3 626”. Hmm, with whom? A Nigerian Prince?
    “sue needs glasses”. Wrong. I had Lasik. Wait. Do reading glasses count? Good job, Google.

    Liked by 1 person

    Sue recently posted Job hunting is confusing..

  81. ruth has a
    ruth has a stretch
    aunt ruth has a beard
    Well, I worked out this morning, so perhaps Google knew “ruth has a stretch-ed.”
    I’m a great, great aunt, and I do have chin whiskers to pluck, but I didn’t think they constituted a beard … yet, anyway. Will tweeze immediately.

    Liked by 1 person

  82. Melissa needs to chill. (Word.)
    Melissa has a bag of marbles. (Unfortunately, I lost them.)
    Melissa wants to go to Mars. (Only if a botanist goes with me.)
    Melissa is a theory. (Are any of us real?)

    Google DOES know me.

    Liked by 1 person

    Melissa recently posted State of the Site.

  83. Apparently I need coffee. Although I don’t drink coffee and never have. And Google thinks I have “baby the office” and I’m not even sure what that means. So yeah, Google just doesn’t get me!

    Like

  84. Cassandra appears to have no needs, but apparently has a pair of mice. Hope I can find them!

    Like

  85. Michelle needs to drop a few. Screw you Google!

    Liked by 1 person

  86. Apparently I need “somebody”, but Google won’t tell me who. Not even a hint. WHY THE SECRECY, GOOGLE?

    Oh, and supposedly I want Ben to stop talking. I don’t know anyone named Ben, but it seems there’s one out there who’s enough of a chatterbox that even out of earshot l want him to shut the hell up.

    I hope Ben’s not the somebody I need.

    Liked by 1 person

  87. “Melissa has a bag of marbles.” A whole jar actually
    “Melissa has been referring to the Japanese.”
    “Melissa wants to go to Mars.” Actually space and the whole lack of breathable air thing kinda freaks me out.
    “Melissa wants to get married.” I’m on my second one. I think that’s enough.
    “Melissa McCarthy needs a straitjacket.” I disagree.

    Like

  88. Mandy needs new clothes. Mandy has 92 quarters.

    This is actually a pretty accurate assessment of a conflict in my life right now.

    Liked by 1 person

  89. Lauren needs a kidney, and a van.
    And Lauren “has undergone a split-brain operation. why”. WHOA. Things are starting to make a lot more sense.

    Liked by 1 person

  90. Cathy is as cute as a kitten. I can live with that.
    Cathy wants to measure the height of the flagpole. Ummm . . . why?
    Cathy has 12 (or twelve) black socks. Nope.

    Liked by 1 person

  91. Google says I need a profile, a car, and a kidney. I hope they are wrong.

    Liked by 1 person

  92. I had to find a motorboat image for work and all I got was boobs being jostled.

    Like

    K. recently posted Lisa Ling and PTSD..

  93. Anna needs….a new coat
    Anna needs a…new coat
    Anna has…a baby
    None of these statements are true.
    Apparently there’s a book about a girl named Anna needing a coat.

    Like

  94. Beth has…. vd, 3000 feet of fencing, and hamsters at her house.

    Good fences make good vd… or perhaps I got it from the hamsters.

    Liked by 1 person

  95. It tells me that I need to leave it the fuck alone. Snotty bastard.

    Like

  96. Liz needs a change
    Liz has trouble with appetite control

    YOU ARE FREAKING ME OUT GOOGLE.

    Like

  97. Dean needs cuddles (yes!) and apparently someone named Castiel (who?)
    And Dean wants pie and a slinky (Yes to both!)

    Like

  98. Jen needs a browser. (I’m using one, duh)
    Jen has a pen
    Jen has guns blazing for sheen (what?)
    Jen has the internet (doesn’t everyone?)
    Jen has a baby (um, no)

    Like

  99. Mine also does not autopopulate, but if I hit “enter”
    Kym needs new boobs😉 (Um, the old ones are just fine google! But in a few years…)
    Kym Needs A Ladder to Get on a Horse (Well, who doesn’t. Kind of like valet horse riding?)

    Like

  100. “Jim needs to find out the sine of π/8” Is this synchronicity as it’s 3/14 today? “Jim Needs a Kidney Soon” That can’t be good. “Jim has a mass of 15 kilograms and is running on the ground with a velocity of 2.7 meters/second.” Are they calling me fat and slow or thin and fast? Math is hard, and apparently I need to know a lot of it.

    Like

  101. Gina needs to get f*cked
    … needs a service dog
    …needs some angels

    Google knows me better than anyone else in my life…

    Liked by 1 person

  102. Ok, so if this doesn’t get lost in the sea of comments, I found an adorable taxidermy mouse with fairy wings that made me think of you on etsy:
    https://www.etsy.com/listing/269553431/taxidermy-mouse-weird-taxidermy-real?ref=related-0
    (I attempted putting the link as “my website” also, (it isn’t, I wish it was) in case it won’t let me post it in the comment.)
    Love you and your weird Google auto populating results.

    Like

  103. Nina needs…
    to go youtube.

    I don’t even understand how to “go youtube”. Google has no grammar.

    Like

  104. All I got was a link to a murder.

    Like

  105. Oh good Lord. My name + needs… equals two things: “a special needs home” and “spanked”. Google has issues.

    Like

  106. Apparently, Jo doesn’t need anything.
    Luckily,
    …Jo has not yet died
    And
    …Jo has a job interview
    Which I apparently forgot because
    …Jo has Alzheimer’s
    And I was putting my memory lapses down to the medication. Dr Google saves the day!

    Liked by 2 people

  107. Oh man, my name’s Chenay and there’s no crazy for me:( Oh well, I guess I just need to start making shit up for myself!

    Like

  108. Apparently Jessica needs to bake 50 muffins, and has 16 dimes and quarters.

    Like

  109. Caroline needs… to find information about income
    Caroline needs a… golden calculator to divide (leads to “Roses” by Outkast)
    Caroline has… 16 marbles

    Like

  110. Sara likes coffee (yes!)
    Sara has an unrealistic fear of shopping (Double yes! Holy crap!)
    Sara needs to replace part of the metal (…whaa…oh, google, you were doing so well)

    Liked by 2 people

  111. Apparently I need 165 pieces of candy (which is totally true, especially if it’s chocolate!)

    Like

  112. Huh. Apparently I’m a cipher. Or don’t need anything at all. One of those😉

    Like

  113. Mine said “a hug” and “a little tlc”. Google gets me

    Like

  114. My name doesn’t generate anything under Penni, Penni needs or Penni needs a. When we get to Penni has, it just generates Penny phrases.

    Like

  115. Betsy has…. a red shirt on

    A whole new level of creepy- I put tape over the camera!

    Liked by 1 person

  116. Apparently I need directions, uniserve, my milk and your help – in that order.

    Like

    Anubis Bard recently posted Wintery interlude.

  117. “Traci needs her itch scratched” ?!

    Not by you Google!

    Like

  118. 118
    Just Another Sarah

    My favorite one:
    Sarah has an unrealistic fear of shopping.

    Like

  119. 119
    Doug in Oakland

    Doug needs money (apparently some Nickelodeon reference) and Doug needs to shut his mouth. But wait, I’m hungry…
    Doug has a skateboard accident.
    Doug wants to get better at volleyball, a kitty, to buy apples and oranges, and kitten.
    Great, now the cat is sitting there wondering if she’s about to be replaced.

    Like

  120. One of the things that came up for me said “Don’t tell me I can’t get a neck tattoo!” But my last name is Meck, so maybe spell check struck again.

    Like

  121. Google can’t even with my RL name. Screw you Google!

    Like

  122. “Laura has…just complimented Mitzi”

    I don’t know any Mitzis but if I did I’m sure I would compliment her on the reg.

    Like

  123. Laura needs…to lose weight
    Laura needs…our help

    How did they know? I don’t need to lose that much though, they could have focused on something else. I’ll take the $16,000!

    Like

  124. I get “Gary needs a new pair of shoes” lol

    Like

  125. Jessie needs the potty.
    Jessica needs to bake 50 muffins. Jessica needs inspiration again. (not if I’m baking all those damn muffins)
    Neither Jessie nor Jessica need A anything. Nor do they have anything, which I’m ok with if the options include herpes (but I was really hoping it’d say ‘a yacht’).

    Like

  126. 126
    Stacy Taylor

    Apparently, every Stacy in the world needs a ladder but nothing else. Staceys, however, don’t need anything. Not one single thing. Either we all really rock, or the universe doesn’t care about us. I choose the former.

    Like

  127. Michelle needs help.

    Fair enough.

    Like

  128. Turn the tables. “Google needs to die” is the first that came up. Hmm.

    Like

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  129. Natalie needs a nighty.
    Natalie needs a boyfriend.
    Natalie needs a new leg.

    This is why I’m a lesbian!! It’s google’s fault!!

    Like

    Natalie recently posted Death and life.

  130. Rachel needs a vacation or some action. Huh….Well, OK

    Like

  131. I have 70 Beads apparently…..

    Like

  132. Kathleen needs….240 valid signatures

    ha! the laugh’s on google, I need signatures–valid or not….!

    Like

  133. Elise needs a buff
    Elise needs a new skin
    Elise needs a nerf

    Umm, I feel like someone really creepy is trying to get me to do things.

    Like

  134. When I typed my name and “needs a,” literally nothing at all was displayed. There were no options or results. So maybe this means all of my needs in life have been met? That would be a beautiful thing. I wish we could all say the same.

    Like

  135. Trixie has a Sparta remix.

    Like

  136. My name has no suggestions so i decided to search my husband he needs to go and has a mangina…….. hmmmm

    Like

  137. Literally nothing came up for any of those. Apparently all my needs are met yet I have nothing? When I looked up my alter-ego, “Charlie needs a cloak.” That works.

    Like

  138. “fiona needs a rework” followed by
    “fiona has no soul”

    I think Google is trying to tell me something…

    Like

  139. Melissa has a bag of marbles
    Melissa has been referring to the Japanese
    Melissa needs to chill
    Seems right

    Like

  140. Alison is a theory. Very deep, stoned Google.

    Like

  141. Sarah needs to replace part of the metal.
    – Part of the metal WHAT? I don’t get it. Also, I am not handy, so it’s best if I don’t try to replace anything.
    Sarah needs a job.
    – No, Google. I’ve spent the whole morning on conference calls for my job. I do not need another damn job.
    Sarah has optimal health.
    – Huh. I didn’t know depression, anxiety, and a jacked up ankle was optimal. But ok. Thanks.

    Like

  142. Mine said, “Suzanne needs to measure and heat the chemical”, and “Suzanne is waiting at your doorway.” They both sound very criminally and stalkerish. Those are nasty rumours, Google–stop harassing me.

    Like

  143. Melissa needs to chill….

    Well, it’s not wrong.

    Like

  144. Nikkiana needs nothing because it’s such a bizarre name…. but Nikki needs bottled water.

    Like

  145. Huh. I ‘need’ a browser, and I ‘have’ a pen. Sounds more appropriate for your needs!

    Like

  146. Krista needs… (nothing)
    Krista is… a softball player in Texas
    Krista has … it

    Like

  147. Google is a bully. “Lori needs to die” was my ONLY option.

    Like

  148. Lesley has many hats.

    Like

  149. Lauren has “undergone a split-brain operation, why.”

    Like

  150. Guessing I’m not the only Emily who needs stem cells?

    Like

  151. Is anyone else disturbed about how many people in the comments need kidneys? Seriously. Is Google the preferred method of finding kidneys?!? As for me, my name is an acronym for the test used to detect HIV, so most of my Google results are very depressing.

    Like

  152. “Beebe needs” and “Beebe has” doesn’t work for me. The only thing that comes up when I start typing my name is “Beebe memorial” and “Beebe diversified”. So I’m either dead, or need to change my stock portfolio. FUN!

    Liked by 2 people

  153. Apparently I need a hero (i’m holding on for a hero) ahem.
    I also need someone to save me.

    I also have a minute to win it (whatever it is) and a pimple.

    nice.

    Like

  154. Lori needs…to die. (Thanks Walking Dead)

    Like

  155. Apparently I need a new house. News to me. 😉

    Like

  156. Here we go:

    Tina needs to go (where?)
    Tina needs to find employment (DAMN right I do, this part time isn’t cutting it and I’ve been trying to get full time for 14 months!)

    Tina has 3/5 pounds of rice (I assure you it’s more. I buy so much crap and forget about it in my pantry)
    Tina has autism (No, just anxiety)
    Tina has to pay 4 percent (of what? I’m not giving anyone anymore money!)
    Tina has to create a password for the security (Seriously?! Another fucking password?)

    Liked by 1 person

  157. Linda …is gonna destroy ISIS …is a qualifying widow …has got this …has been assigned job … has a toothache …needs to read 14 pages …needs a rainbow …wants to be alone …wants a cupcake.

    Like

  158. 158
    Traci Tolan

    Traci needs her itch scratched!!

    Like

  159. Google says that I need 300 Christmas lights, and a new car for college, and I have purchased an E-40 ticket and the night off. So, apparently, Goggle thinks I’m a cool 18 year old, with a job with flexible hours. 🙂

    Also, I love you, Kazza! ♡

    Like

  160. 160
    Kerry St. Thomas

    I’m a little frightened: “kerry has declared war on god” was the top hit. This doesn’t bode well.

    Like

  161. When I typed in “Dre needs” it came up: “Dre momma need a haircut”. Which I do, so that’s pretty cool. Then I put in “Dre has” and it came up: “Dre has aids” (apparently Google thinks everyone has aids these days? And “Has Dre killed anyone” and the answer is NO, not that you know of. Google, be quiet.

    Liked by 1 person

  162. “Steve needs ti find a squirrel hitman” Um, OK.

    Liked by 1 person

  163. The closest “need” was “Marty the lumberjack needs some items,” but I have all sorts of shit!
    “Marty has a party drink dispenser”
    “Marty has a party”
    “Marty has a piggy bank”
    Woot! Woot! Let’s party!
    Uh oh…
    “Marty has low self esteem”
    Dammit!

    Liked by 1 person

  164. Hmmmm, mine came up “Shannon is… awesome” I will take it!

    Like

  165. Jean needs to have a tooth filled.. and I just found out today that I do need a tooth filled… CREEPY

    Like

  166. Mine says the same thing twice: Beth needs lovin and Beth needs loving. Somehow I don’t think the two entries are talking about the same thing.

    Like

  167. Sam has..
    70 erasers and rulers

    Well now that might be true but Steve the grubby shatter-proof ruler is clearly not allowed to mix with Mistress mcStainless-steel (The 3rd)

    Like

  168. Harry is gay.
    And needs a haircut!

    Like

  169. “Megan needs a millionaire.”
    Also: “Megan has a one hour gap.”

    Like

  170. Brian needs a haircut. True.
    Brian needs a heart. Also true. Someone stole the one I keep in a jar.

    Like

  171. I get nothing but my own blog and facebook for Rhiannon needs or Rhiannon has.

    Like

  172. I’m not enthusiastic about the results for my real name. For that matter, I’m also not enthusiastic about my real name.

    For “Olivia,” though, I need to go home and to close my mouth; I need a middle name; I’m making scarves; and I have two moms, an abortion, and bad breath.

    Liked by 1 person

  173. Katrina needs 3/5 kilograms of flour. Maybe…
    Katrina has a collection of marbles. Damn you, Google! No one was supposed to know!

    Liked by 1 person

  174. Because I have a weird old lady name, I get “Patsy needs changing.” That’s the only thing that is there. No, google, I don’t need changing in any way.

    Like

  175. Andrea has a needle phobia
    Andrea has 37 coins
    Andrea needs to die

    Andrea doesn’t like Google anymore.

    Liked by 1 person

  176. Annie has the flu
    Annie has a gun
    Annie has a compost pile
    Annie has cancer
    Annie has fun with water bratayley

    What the hell is water bratayley?

    Liked by 1 person

  177. The benefit to having an unusual name is that when I Google “Loen needs” I get nothing. Hooray?

    Like

  178. Karen needs facebook. (No I really, really, really do not!) Karen has 459 friends. (No I really, really, really do not!). Laughing so hard.

    Liked by 1 person

  179. Liv needs to eat brains.

    Oooohhhhkkkkaaayyy…

    Like

  180. 181
    Faith Davis

    Faith needs …
    faith needs action
    faith needs no proof
    faith needs works
    faith needs reason

    Faith has
    faith has made you whole
    faith has its reasons
    faith has a voice
    faith has healed you

    Faith has a
    faith has a voice
    faith has a short shelf life
    faith has a voice book
    faith has a voice pdf

    um, well

    Like

  181. Linda needs a van.
    Linda needs to read 14 pages.
    Eh.
    But my husband needs a kidney transplant.
    And to chill out.

    Like

  182. 184
    msandreaclaire

    “Andrea is so stupid.”

    Pretty sure my brothers have something to do with this…

    Liked by 2 people

  183. No matter how I google it, it’s always Kristen Stewart the vampire mouth breather. It should never be Kristen Stewart, Google.

    Like

  184. I apparently need 300 Christmas lights which is pretty much always going to be true. “Dana has” produce” “the night off” so I am batting a 1000 right now with Google!

    Like

  185. Rebecca needs rest And I do…
    Rebecca needs makeup (Thanks, Google, how did you know I didn’t wear any today!?!)
    …and evidently I need a kidney too!

    Rebecca has 45 coins (yes, yes, that’s probably what’s left in my bank account until payday!)

    Like

  186. I’m feeling vaguely insulted by “Jill needs to cut a smaller piece.” I’ve certainly heard I need Jack before, too. On the other hand, I’m much happier to hear that I have 2 ponies and $10,000 to invest. And I created a table. Apparently I’m super productive in my free time.

    But the absolute winner, which I will claim immediately is “Jill has a biting sarcastic manner.” See, letting Google track your every move has some advantages. They know me.

    Liked by 1 person

  187. Laura needs to lose some weight (too true), and needs our help!

    Like

  188. Kelly needs shoes (actually true)
    Kelly needs to buy lunch for… (I don’t know. someone hungry?)

    Like

  189. Evidently, I need braces (stop judging me Google!) and I have 64 coins. Not enough for braces I think…

    Liked by 1 person

  190. It says I have purchased five bananas.

    No way did anyone ever Google that. I think the people who program those Google doodles get bored sometimes and make up weird searches. Also, I love those people.

    Like

  191. I need a wake up call
    I need to go
    And I apparently need some girl on girl action. I really had no idea about this last one.

    And what I have…
    I have talent
    I have left early
    I have accepted responsibility for the murder. Again, I had no idea about this last one.

    Liked by 1 person

  192. 194
    Bluebonnet

    Louise needs…help to earn her wings (is my halo askew??)
    …a bloody vocal (apparently I am not ready for the heavenly choir quite yet)
    …a good home.
    Oh cool, I am a tortoise shell cat living in San Francisco.

    Liked by 1 person

  193. I need a personal trainer and need to pee.
    I want to buy a snowmobile and to make out with Robin
    I have terrible aim and have retained an attorney. I wonder if these two are related in any way.

    Liked by 1 person

  194. jackie needs an ultrasound
    jackie needs a friend
    jackie needs to he held accountable
    jackie needs to poop

    This really made me laugh and after working 11 hours today in RETAIL, I could use that laugh. Thank you Jenny once again.😁

    Like

  195. I type in ‘Brooke needs’ and it autofilled with ‘the dirty brooke needs to stop.’

    FINE, google. Stop being so judge-y!

    Liked by 1 person

  196. Lori has a pig on her head! Lori needs to die – fuck you google, what did I do to you???

    Liked by 1 person

  197. Kelly needs to order lunch for…
    For whom, Google? Don’t leave me hanging!

    Kelly needs a kidney

    Kelly has lost the team. Oh shit! I didn’t know I had a team? Why doesn’t anyone tell me these things?

    Um, maybe I needed to order lunch for the team?

    Liked by 1 person

  198. Erika apparently needs soundcloud and has a baby. Hmm… not that I’m aware of on either account!. Sorry google… strike out!

    Like

  199. 201
    Candice Henderson

    Candice needs a plumber and must decide between two…the one with the least ass crack please…

    Like

  200. 202
    Candice Henderson

    OK, I tried my name with “makes”, a bad, bad mistake. “Nude Candice makes ice cream melt for French magazine”. Nice to be that hot at 59…Not. Ever.

    Like

  201. Hey, if you look up “Jenny is” the next word is Awesome!

    Like

  202. Leslie needs 324 inches of fringe…apparently.

    Like

  203. Ale needs, real ale needs id, he needs ale and he needs ale wow…my full name didn’t get any results, and I’m guessing I’m being confused with the drink 😝

    Like

  204. “Madison needs” doesn’t populate anything. So I need nothing.

    But the other side was more encouraging. “Madison has heart.”

    Thank you google, I do.

    Like

  205. Lisa “needs braces” is apparently very popular. Settle down Google! I was born this way!

    Lisa “has 750 friends on facebook.” Also Lisa apparently has “a certain amount of money.” Neither of these could be further from the truth. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  206. Maria needs 2.20 to buy a magazine. Obviously I’m aiming a lot lower than you. Maria has type B blood. Which, incidentally is not true. I’m an A-type person in all categories. I just need to get my shit together before it gets out.

    Liked by 1 person

  207. I got “Kaila is a stupid name”😦

    Like

  208. Rachel needs some action.
    Rachel has a baby.

    I don’t know if google is brilliant or idiotic in this situation…

    Liked by 1 person

  209. […] So…um…what? Huh. So maybe let’s add another word? Or not. Whatever. PS. Am I the only … Continue reading → […]

    Like

  210. 212
    adrianmmiller

    You should try being me, a 45 year old male…

    Adrian has…issues
    Adrian has…a miscarriage on secret life
    Adrian has…a mangina
    Adrian has…a miscarriage

    Sure i have issues, but the rest???

    Liked by 1 person

  211. Based on the number of comments above it looks like there are at least 212 reasons I shouldn’t Google my name. Then again somebody probably already has given how common my name is. When I was in high school yelling “Hey Chris!” in the hallway was like going to a Cure concert and yelling, “Hey, you in the black!”

    Liked by 1 person

  212. Sue needs to invest $3626
    Sue wants to use mental math
    Sue has 100 dimes & quarters –
    and my fav for the day
    Sue has the president called? roflmao

    Like

  213. Mary needs: A savior bible verse. To row her boat. A savings plan. I actually need NONE of these. Stupid google.

    Like

  214. Terri wants.. According to Google – Terri wants to have Simon Cowell’s baby. OMG- WTF AND LMFAO. Because dear friend when I type in Terri needs… Goggle says ” Terri needs your prayers.” spot on, if what I want is to have that nit’s devil spawn!!
    Pretty effing accurate when googled together!!

    Like

  215. Jim needs a kidney.

    Oookay, then!

    Like

  216. Lisa has a certain amount of money. huh?
    Lisa needs braces.
    Well, there goes that money….

    Like

  217. Apparently, Tim needs funeral.

    Like

  218. 220
    BigdogLittlecat

    According to Google my life is perfect: I don’t need anything.
    On the other hand, I don’t have anything either. Apparently i have reached nirvana.

    And on the other hand, someone with a name very similar to mine has 24 bottles of champagne.

    Like

  219. bob needs to mix 2 cups
    bob needs to drive 592 miles
    bob needs to ship six
    bob needs human hearts
    bob needs a kidney

    Dear Google:

    Do you know something I should know?

    Love Bob

    Like

  220. Blame my parents for the unusual spelling of my first name (which I am not going to divulge). i got only one reply to “B—– has ”

    “B—– has been diagnosed with dissociative personality”

    So I clicked the link, and apparently B—– is the host personality…Ummm… I know I’m crazy, but not like that!

    And then “B—– needs ” returns only “B—– Lucy needs a friend” from the same site! and Lucy is one of the secondary personalities.

    The internet is trying to tell me something? I rather hope not.

    Liked by 1 person

  221. […] was inspired by Jenny Lawson when she did this on her latest post and I thought it was funny so why not try […]

    Like

  222. Susan Needs Disability benefits- this is actually kind of true…
    Susan needs financial assistance
    Susan needs a job for Christmas! Yeah, that didn’t work out so well
    Susan needs our help
    Susan needs to wear a bra- not if Susan doesn’t leave the house she doesn’t
    Susan needs a beauty and the beast birthday cake- mmm cake
    Susan needs a liver transplant- uh-oh
    Susan needs a new chicken- fair enough
    Susan needs love and tea
    Susan needs more than math facts
    Susan needs urgent corrective surgery to use her legs- this is… unfortunate

    Susan has an ear infection.
    Susan has a cold
    Susan has 600 feet of fencing to make a yard for her new puppy
    Susan has a 5-foot long bookshelf that she wants to fill with 22 books of differing sizes

    I…keep getting math problems

    Liked by 1 person

  223. Awww. This doesn’t work for me at all😦 My name is just too uncommon.

    Like

  224. I got katy needs a life and katy needs perry. (is NEEDS Katy Perry’s middle name?)

    Like

    Katy Keck recently posted Mac & Cheese 101 (+ How to Jack Your Mac & Kick It Southern Style).

  225. Polly needs a cracker, of course. Or…crack, apparently.

    Like

  226. Andrea needs…
    to die (Thanks Walking Dead)
    to find a kennel for boarding – not a dog person
    a taxi
    Andrea needs to…
    same as needs
    Andrea has…
    a needle phobia – I just don’t watch when they draw blood
    37 coins – if they were gold maybe

    Like

  227. Erica has $460. Erica needs her daddy.

    Like

  228. Laura needs to … lose weight 😦

    Laura has… just entered hospice.

    That’s enough for today.

    Like

  229. I just typed in Lori Needs… and …..to die came up. Should I be taking this personally?

    Liked by 1 person

  230. Apparently Becky needs … another $1200 and to get laid. But, Becky has … a toy vacuum, an intense fear of dogs and diabetes. Ugh!

    Like

  231. Kim Kardashian has ruined the Google for me. 😦

    Like

  232. Monique needs… to shut up. – Google is crabby today.
    Monique is… blacklisted. – All I said is that you’re crabby, Google. Sheesh.
    Monique wants… a wife. – I don’t swing that way, Google. Stop spreading rumors.
    Monique has… open marriage. – Google is out to get me.

    Liked by 1 person

  233. “Emily needs stem cells facebook”
    followed by “ASKING FOR A FRIEND”

    Like

  234. Jenna needs speed. Or…. Jenna needs a kidney. I will take both if offered.

    Like

  235. Rory needs nampa idaho.
    Rory needs a fosters.
    Rory has cancer.

    Okay, Google. Go home. You’re drunk.

    Like

  236. I seem to need an alibi.🙂

    Like

  237. Karen needs… “Facebook” and has…”459 friends, some lawn chairs, a friendship with Angela, a mass of 57kg, has agreed to buy Sara’s car” and wants…”her $20 back”. Step back HBO–this story practically writes itself!

    Liked by 1 person

  238. Nichole needs:
    meds
    a nap
    two bodyguards
    a bath

    What is google telling me?

    Liked by 1 person

  239. I’d lend you 16K but you and I both know you would spend it on some dead stuff animal. I probably just saved your marriage. You’re welcome.

    Like

  240. 242
    OnlyPartlyDumb

    Ahahahaha. I couldn’t get past the first “Gillian needs” entry, because there is a person whose name is – wait for it – Gillian Needs.”Gillian has” just throws up pages and pages of entries about Gillian Anderson. So I guess that means Gillian Needs has nothing.

    Like

  241. Laurie needs… so many things I can’t say in public.

    Like

  242. caroline has 16 marbles.
    caroline has 10 marbles.
    caroline needs a golden calculator to divide.
    i didn’t make this up.

    Like

  243. Apparently, Laurie needs a new liver. That’s it. … Just how the hell do they know how much alcohol I drink?!?

    Liked by 1 person

  244. Google thinks I don’t need anything, but that I have a mass of 45 kg (which proves Google is wrong because I NEED that scale), lupus (boo), and 13 stickers (better, and oddly specific).

    Liked by 1 person

  245. Apparently I need a kidney. So that’s concerning. But I also have two dads, so hopefully one of them is a donor match…

    Liked by 1 person

  246. I got ‘Mary needs a line of blow’
    Hmmmm

    Liked by 1 person

  247. OMG mine in AWESOME
    Jenna Needs … a Hero
    Jenna Needs … to be rescued
    Awkward Jenna needs a hero

    Jenna wants … to be a man again …. WHHHAAAAATTTT?????
    and that was the ONLY one under wants

    Jenna has ..a crush
    Jenna has … a minute to win it
    Jenna has …a pimple

    Liked by 1 person

  248. Lori needs to die.
    Lori needs help.

    Holy crap. My anxiety level just went up tenfold. Now I’ll be looking over my shoulder all week. Or month. Or forever. My neck already hurts!

    Liked by 1 person

  249. Lori has 18 stamps and a pig on her head.
    Enough said.

    Liked by 1 person

  250. Maggie needs…an alibi
    Maggie has…scars from a house fire
    Maggie has… aunt hair
    Maggie has… anorexia nervosa
    Maggie has… a job in an office
    Maggie has… lead
    Maggie has a… kite
    Maggie has a… dream
    Maggie has a… nightmare
    Maggie has a… box of chocolates

    Wow Google, you have a vivid imagination!

    Like

  251. Debra has…
    romantic feelings for Dexter
    a mustache
    feelings for Dexter
    pms

    “Dexter” is why I can’t play these games😦 Even the “google your name + meme” turns up weird-ass “Debra loves her brother Dexter” and “Debra says fuck all the time” nonsense. Damn it, “Dexter”.

    Like

  252. Cory needs…. nothing..
    Wrong google! Cory just landed from a 4hr airplane ride full of turbulence and Cory needs Valium and whiskey!

    Liked by 2 people

  253. 255
    Jeni Overbey

    It doesn’t like that I’m “Jeni” and retypes my name as Jenny. The 3rd one was “Jenny has a circular cylinder with a lid” – how very specific.

    Like

  254. I’m late to the party. Nevertheless…
    Jen needs a browser.
    Jen IS bringing the drugs (WHAT?)
    Jen is the killer.
    wtf google.
    ooo hang on – my screen name
    Raven is from the continent of Africa.
    all righty … and we’re done.

    Like

  255. in no variation of my name does Google think I need anything; although, you’d think that would mean that in EVERY variation of my name, Google would assume that I have EVERYTHING. Alas, that is not the case. “ML has it” is the only thing Google told me.

    emelle could certainly use an additional $16,000… just sayin’…

    Like

    emelle28 recently posted My Ides of March.

  256. Laura needs…
    to lose weight. Fuck you, google!
    our help. Not if it’s to lose weight!

    Laura has…
    just complimented mitzi. Um…okay???
    just entered hospice. Oh, crap, now I’m dying?!

    Laura is a…
    poo. Well, that’s rude.
    man ex on the beach. I…I’m not sure I want to know. (And, of course, I click on it. Apparently Ex on the Beach is a show in the UK and Laura was outed as being intersex…)

    Looking up Laura memes is always interesting because I get ones in both English and Spanish.

    Like

  257. Did the Kara has and got Kara has disbanded. Apparently I was a HUGE girl group in South Korea that recently broke up. Where are my damn roaylties?

    Like

    Kara recently posted What Are We? – Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D..

  258. See, I’m so mad I don’t even know how to spell royalties…

    Like

  259. Mine said, “Stephanie needs a job”. Which is rude and highly accurate. Thanks for reminding me I was laid of Google.🙂

    Like

  260. Vivienne needs: (No Suggestions)
    Vivienne needs a: (No Suggestions)

    Luckily, I finally got results with HAS:

    Vivienne has:…no specializations.
    Vivienne has:…died.

    Sobs
    You know what? Screw you, Google, I haven’t died! AND I ALSO HAVE STARBURST JELLY BEANS!
    Runs away

    Liked by 1 person

    Vivienne Mathews recently posted 10 Reasons to Write About Talking Animals (Backed by Serious Film History).

  261. Alison needs – Google can’t spell my name
    Alison needs a – nothing
    Alison has – a twin (who knew?), gained weight (I deny it), a twin sister (my god it must be true!!), 1/2 cup of yogurt (😂)

    Liked by 1 person

  262. Hahaha Alison wants – to find out (no doubt where that damn twin sister is so I can blame her for the weight gain and accuse her of stealing the rest of my yogurt …)

    Liked by 1 person

  263. Apparently, Karen needs a hug? A vacation? Bristol? Um? I don’t know what Bristol looks like or if she’s my type but I’m not really a hugger. Maybe if Bristol is hot and we could just combine all those things and she could give me a hug while we vacation together? Karen has 459 friends(wow, I wasn’t aware of this) so, maybe I don’t need Bristol? And I have developed a friendship with Angela? Huh? Ok? Maybe I need to go on vacation with Angela and Bristol(Hmmm. Kinky. I like it.)? Karen has some lawn chairs? Uh? What? Oh, and Karen has Cottonmouth Vine? I don’t know what the fuck that is but it doesn’t sound good. I hope I didn’t catch that from Bristol or Angela. Maybe I should just be celibate? Maybe I should just stay away from people? But with 459 friends that’ll be hard to do. But if they don’t want to catch Cottonmouth Vine then maybe they’ll stay away from me? Okay no, I know what I need to do…. Stay THE FUCK AWAY FROM GOOGLE! There. Problem solved.

    Like

    Karen recently posted I. Am. Fed. Up!.

  264. “Madeleine needs…” It’s blank. It stopped suggesting anything once I added “needs”. ??? I guess that means I am 100% perfect just the way I am! smug grin

    Like

  265. I didn’t get anything good with “needs” so I tried “wants” and got
    cindy wants to know where the kernel is stored

    Like

  266. I thought this was hilarious, so I had to try it…that may not have been such a great idea.

    Andrea has … a needle phobia
    has … 37 coins
    has … been diagnosed with schizophrenia

    Like

  267. Kris has a box of 8 crayons.

    Like

  268. Joy party needs.
    It even knows that I woke up drunk.

    Like

  269. Eve needs a new skin.
    Eve has a white boyfriend and bad body odor.

    What’s up, Google? You wanna go?

    Like

  270. Google thinks Sarah has no arms. Oh, yeah? How am I typing this then, sucker?

    Like

  271. 273
    nicolejoy42

    First 2:
    Nicole has 369 teabags.
    … $9 to spend on cards.

    Like

  272. Hmm. “Trish needs” won’t auto-populate. Apparently I have nothing left to wish for. However, “Trish has” a jug of contaminated water. So apparently I also have things I don’t need. Unless I want to give other people diarrhea.

    Like

  273. I get nothing! Google has no suggestions for me. I guess I don’t need anything!

    Like

  274. I tried this and it said, “Laurie needs….to die.” I tried not to take it personally. I mean, Google doesn’t even know me and it wants me dead? Seems harsh. It also said, “Laurie needs…a new liver.” I guess a new one would be preferable to an old one. And really, I suspect my history of searches for, among other things, bar accessories, bourbon of the month clubs, liquor stores and cocktail recipes may have contributed to the whole “needs a new liver” perception.

    Like

  275. Heather needs a van and a blog. That sounds…..sketchy.

    Like

  276. Katie needs a life bandcamp
    where do I sign up for that?

    Liked by 1 person

  277. When I typed in Shannon Needs NOTHING auto suggested. So I hit the search and Apparnetly Shannon needs a mass confession event for its complicity in war and human rights abuse.

    I think I win.

    Like

    shannonbrennanetc recently posted You say Tomato I say Tomaahto. Either way, I still think they’re gross.

  278. I got
    “Heather needs a van” or
    “Heather has two mommies:……either way…..sigh.

    Like

  279. Apparently Google doesn’t think I need anything! I tried “Loida needs” and “Loida need a” and nothing pre-populated at all!! I’m kind of sad…

    Like

    Loida recently posted "The who-I-was who would become the the who-I-am".

  280. Huh…
    I (Matt) apparently:
    …needs to pack an order for 1816 blocks… (now what are you going to do with 1800+ blocks?)
    …need a kidney (there are about 6 months of my 21st year that I don’t remember, so it’s possible)
    …needs to make 230 for a trip. (230 what? blocks? dollars?)
    …needs pickerington. (ummm. k…)
    …needs to pack an order for 1816. (done with the blocks and moving on to…?)

    Like

  281. Leslie needs 324 inches of fringe. That seems like quite a lot of fringe.

    Like

  282. I put in Tess needs and got: WHO NEEDS TESS? Thanks Google. But then I went to the website mentioned under it: http://www.tigereyesensor.com/who-needs-tess/ and I found this:
    “TESS™ isn’t just for criminal situations; it can help in medical emergencies too. 1 out of 3 seniors experience falls and related injuries each year in the U.S. and many don’t have any way to summon help (http://www.cdc.gov/homeandrecreationalsafety-/falls/adu

    I’m really glad to know that I can contribute SOMETHING to society, and that I’m not just for CRIMINAL situations.

    ALSO THIS: “Many runners have found themselves in frightening and even potentially dangerous situations when jogging on trails or at night. One of our own team members encountered two bobcats while running in an isolated canyon. Not only was his cell phone buried in his backpack, but there was no way for him to describe where he was on the trail if he reached 911 before the animals attacked. He knew in that moment that TESS™ would have been his best hope to get help. Fortunately, our colleague escaped by running backward with his eyes on the bobcats for almost a mile before they grew bored and wandered off.”

    The part that got my attention was “He knew in that moment that TESS™ would have been his best hope to get help.” Oh dude. Dude. Tess is never your best hope to get help. Tess can barely dress herself. Tess is the one on the floor who has fallen and can’t get up. Tess is the one knocking you down and running across your back to get away before the animals attack.

    So . . . also there were a lot of nasty remarks on google about Tess and Plus Sizes. I’m just saying.

    Like

  283. I get nothing because my mom spelled my name weirdly.

    Like

  284. Patty has… a mustache. Huh.

    Like

  285. Melissa needs a straight jacket. Wow Google.

    Like

  286. Mary wants a lover, a purple dress, and to be a superwoman – Google nailed it!

    Like

  287. Kara needs prayer. hmmm…
    Kara has been disbanded. Well that’s a little scary

    Like

  288. These Google search posts always make me laugh so hard that I’m in a natural high for a week. (You also know we all go and try these and lose so many days of our lives?)

    Like

  289. So I tried ‘kathy needs’ and got “kathy mccullough who needs magic’ and a blank, but ‘has’ makes me a dream come true because: “kathy has [b]50000 dollars to invest[/b]”

    Like

  290. “Corinne has mastered this type of problem” Why thank you Google! I needed that.🙂

    Like

  291. Dana needs 300 Christmas lights with equal amounts of four colours. (I think that it is a math problem)

    Like

  292. Apparently that Bachelor girl Desiree ruined it for me because all of mine are about getting engaged and some guy named chris. I don’t NEED a guy named Chris GOOGLE!

    Like

    Desiree Michelle recently posted Hacker Family Photos, December 2015.

  293. I typed my name into Google and nothing interesting came up. But I typed “Jenny has” and it had this as one : jenny has a circular cylinder with a lid. Sounds like Pringles to me!

    Like

  294. 296
    Anonymous

    Laura has just complimented Mitzi

    Like

  295. Bridgett didn’t come up with anything, damnit!!!

    Like

  296. apparently no one has ever googled “‘Leah needs…” 😦

    Like

  297. Melissa need a bag of marbles. What?

    Like

  298. 300
    Anonymous

    Katherine has… time powers, bad luck, a physics exam tomorrow, and a baby. Wow Google, you don’t know me at all!
    (I wouldn’t mind time powers though. Those sound damn useful)

    Like

  299. Abigail needs… some space. Touche, Google, touché!

    Like

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