These lemurs need us.

in Random Crap

Someone just sent me this video and it’s supposedly the way that lemurs sunbathe because it feels so good that they lean back and spread their junk out so they can soak it all up everywhere and not get tan lines.

But personally, I think these lemurs just want hugs.  They’re all “Get in here, lady!  Ignore thosee signs that say you’re not allowed in the lemur pit.  LET’S GET OUR SNUGGLES ON” but then we just take pictures of them being ignored because we’re assholes who don’t understand basic body language and also because I can’t pick the locks at the door of the lemur pits.

Also, on second viewing it’s possible that they are trying to catch birds, because that’s how I’d do it if I was a lemur.  Just lean back and wait until they fly into your arms.  Or maybe they want you to throw food at them.  Next time you see a lemur you should have a coconut with you and you can be like, “GO LONG, LEMUR” and then spiral it right at him.  But not super hard because they aren’t used to catching shit and they’ll probably get hurt.  Just softly lob it in there, granny-style.  Or maybe throw something softer, like a decorative pillow filled with shredded cheese.  Or maybe throw a bird at them because then we test the bird theory and that’s two-birds-one-stone.  Except don’t throw two birds or one stone because first of all no one can catch two birds at one time and if you’re throwing stones at lemurs you’re going to get arrested because that’s kind of a dick move.  They don’t want your stones.  They want your cheese.  Or your loving.  Or maybe the sun.  I don’t know.  I’m not a lemurologist.

124 thoughts on “These lemurs need us.”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. They are obviously practicing their high wire balancing act to try out for the Flying Wallenda-Lemurs. They may not make it.

  2. It’s lemur yoga, but they took sun salutations way too literally. I can’t say for sure though I’m also not a lemurologist

  3. I love how the one in the middle puts a paw out to sort of catch the guy on the right from falling over. At least, that’s what it looks like. 🙂

  6. What we probably don’t know is that they are furry exhibitionists who shouldn’t be encouraged in this behavior, like teenage boys who drop their drawers below their butt cheeks (how DO they walk around without tripping?). Next time you see a lemur sunbathing, you should say “Hey, kid, cover up. Get a haircut and a job, and get off my lawn!”

  9. That looks like a power pose to me! Are any of them about to go interview for their dream jobs? That’s totally what you’re supposed to do beforehand supposedly, so I’ll be practicing that move a lot in the year ahead.

  11. I want a lemur. My only fear is that if it dies it will be stuffed and will find its way into your collection. That would upset Victor and that wouldn’t be good.

  15. They also keep chewing on their junk. They want girlfriends.

  18. My husband and kiddies got to snuggle with lemurs while on a trip to South Africa (I was stuck at work – lucky, lucky, lucky me). There’s a wonderful photo of my daughter with a lemur jumping on her head – which did nothing to ease my jealousy of their trip while I was chained to my desk. I want lemurs to jump on my head, too!

  20. Pingback: These lemurs need us. — The Bloggess | Incendiary Kitty

  23. According to ask.com, “A lemur is an omnivorous animal but its diet generally consists of a wide variety of fruits. They also eat vegetables, soft barks, nuts, saps and flowers. When it’s not fruit season and food is scarce in its natural habitat, lemurs eat insects and even small animals.” So while shredded cheese pillows might be entertaining, I’m thinking fruit salad would be more joyously accepted. I would cut a watermelon into a clever basket and fill it with watermelon and cantaloupe balls, maybe some grapes and strawberries. I’d lob the fruit over the fence toward their soft little bellies and hope they’d catch the pieces with those cute tiny hands. Maybe if I did this every day, after a while they’d run to the fence when they saw the lady coming with the watermelon basket. We’d be friends.

  25. Here I am lying in bed, gritting my teeth from pain,wishing someone was online to distract me with awesome nonsense, and lo, a Bloggess update appears in my feed. Magic is real…

  26. I don’t mean to sound all judge-y, but those first set of lemurs….weren’t they a little, um, on the plump side? I mean, for a lemur.

  27. There’s a place in Wichita KS where you CAN get in with the lemurs! I think it’s like… They can crawl in you if they want, but you can’t actively squeeze them. I u,understand that they don’t smell great. Scent glands in their wrists you know.

  28. Bless your heart, Ally, I’m right there with you. gentle hugs for you and for La Bloggess for her lovely distractions!

  31. My favourite bit was when I was suggested to watch the “Fighting naked chimpanzees” next. I would have watched if it was clothed chimpanzees, but naked just seemed too personal.

  32. I’ve been to the place in Wichita. They give you a handful of Craisins then send you onto their “island”. If you sit down, they will come take the Craisins out of your hand and sit in your lap. You can also pet a rhino and feed giant turtles and giraffes. It is amazing.

  34. All you lovely people suggesting places that have Lemur Therapy available. All we need to do is come up with Lemur Therapy and Slow Sloth Hugging right next door to each other and it will be the solution to anxiety. For me, anyway.

  36. You brighten not only my day but my entire fucking life, Bloggess! THANK YOU!!

  37. I saw that one, and thought it looked like a reasonable thing to do, given the weather we’re having around here. Then I tried it and fell over backward because I fell asleep. Just so you know, I don’t recommend acting like lemur.

  38. That looks like me trying to stay on my barstool after 1 too many! So maybe they are celebrating National Beer Day?!?!?

  39. If I ever got to hug a lemur I would lose it way worse than Kristen Bell did when her husband brought her that birthday sloth.

  40. I’m pretty sure these Lemurs are from Oregon and just haven’t seen the sun in months. It’s what we all do when we see the sun for the first time in Spring. Ahhhhh defrosting…..

  41. Ha! I saw this video earlier today and totally thought of you. And my second thought was “awwww. They wanna hug!”

    Great minds.

  42. My theory is that the lemurs are trying to figure out the people. They’re all, like, “I think they can walk like that because they use for arms for balance,” and then the lemur next to them is like, “Like this?” But then when they try it their balance gets all wonky so they fall over, but some of them can hold the position longer than others so then it turns in to a contest to see who can balance with their arms like that without falling off the roof the longest.

    Either that, or they’re just looking for snuggles.

  44. So normal people don’t do that on a sunny day? That’s what I do when I leave the house and it’s a gorgeous day…

  45. I can’t stop watching this, it is al over the internet and I love it more each time I see it! And it is exactly the same way I sunbathe..

  47. I need a degree in lemurology (although I’d prefer a meerkatology degree). A useless degree would go nicely with my other useless degree (BA in Literature & Writing).

    PS. The “BA” stands for badass. It’s true, just humor me, okay?!

  49. Hmmmmm. I think they are trying to do yoga or suck at Tai Chi or something. Two cents given. You’re welcome.

  50. That’s EXACTLY how I sunbathe! I balance on a log and just spread out. And I haven’t fallen off the log for about 4 days now. Sure, one of the those pool-side beds are easier to sun tan on but EVERYONE does that.

  53. It’s their core/yoga class before they start their CrossFit or TRX training. Namaste y’all!

  55. Perhaps I’m weird, but my immediate reaction was not that I wanted to hug a lemur. I wanted to BE a lemur. I want to do zen poses in the sun! I would be quite the self-conscious lemur though. All those people staring at me… uh… yeah. I’d be on the lemur gag reel. The one that strikes a pose and gracelessly falls off, then gets up and struts off like, “I did that on purpose.”

  56. Next time I’m having a bad day I am going to watch this video on a loop. You are the best, my darling bloggess

  57. I think they are just showing off their nice white fur on their bellies. If I had white fur on my belly it would often have stains. That’s why I don’t wear white often.

  58. Once again lemurs, which translates to arrogant little fucks, have stolen the spotlight from all the other animals at the zoo. Yoga snobs every one of them.

  59. The only thing they are missing are lemur size signs that say “Free hugs!”

  60. They are meditating…Unfortunately their ADD has them distracted so they are not getting the full benefits! FOCUS LEMURS or you might get hit with a bird!! Maybe a hug would help?🙌😂

  62. Maybe they are spirtualists and are going “oooom, oooom” while in the sun

  66. “Look, Ma, no hands!” It wasn’t until I saw this video that I fully understood: the locks aren’t there to keep the lemurs in, they’re there to keep people like me out! I would totally give belly rubs to all the lemurs. Back scratches, too, because who doesn’t love that?

  69. “a decorative pillow filled with cheese”. This. This is what I need.

  70. The three on the roof look like they are trying to enact the crucifixion scene in the movies about Jesus.

  72. I’ll bet I could catch two stoned lemurs in the bush with a tasty bird in my hand.

  73. I love that one reached out to help another keep its balance-because nothing is more embarrassing that showing off your junk and then falling right off the log like a dork.

  74. Unrelated to lemurs– Your writing makes the day better. Thank you so much for sharing yourself, your humour, and your dark bits with us.

    Our house flooded last week and has decided to flood again today. The water is still slowly creeping back, much like that one really annoying acquaintance you can never get to leave after hosting A Thing. Dealing with all of this nonsense with anxiety, psoriatic arthritis, and a husband recovering from brain surgery has been trying. We’re all exhausted. Reading your amateur lemurology post restored at least two, maybe even three, spoons. Thank you.

  75. Those lemurs look like frat boys. What would a lemur fraternity be called–Alpha Kappa Lemur? And they would drink fermented cactus juice, and their frat slogan would be “My junk, my junk, my lovely lemur junk.”

  76. I got to play with ruffed lemurs at Jungle Island in Miami and 2014 and 2015. They were amazing and the queen of their little tribe claimed me for her own. They are unbelievably soft. I have a great picture, but I don’t know how to share it with you.

  77. I wouldn’t mind being a lemur. It looks like they get to lay around in the sun a lot and hardly ever have to deal with dick work colleagues asking them stupid questions. It also sounds like people are going to throw decorative pillows filled with shredded cheese at them. I could get on board with that.

  79. Maybe they are doing yoga & all the hacking people are interrupting them. 😉😋😆

  80. That was yacking! It took me four tries for autocorrect to leave it alone! LOL.

  82. I did a short behind the scenes lemur-feeding tour at our local zoo for my birthday.
    It was made even better by the fact that the lemurs are kept in what was formerly the polar bear enclosure, so the keepers led us to this huge, reinforced steel door and heave it open to reveal a floofy gaggle of lemurs.

  83. They also look like they’re practicing meditation, and then we walk by being jerks and taking pics. I do have a pic of a lemur on his back, one arm under his head, and giving me a sultry look.

  84. “Or maybe throw something softer, like a decorative pillow filled with shredded cheese.” I cannot stop smiling, and repressing laugher because I’d wake everyone up (it’s late). And I want to see this line on Twitter, with no context. I like weird lines/quotes given without context, I like to think how someone reading them must react. I have an odd sense of humor.

  85. Oh Jenny, I love all your posts, but this one is just brimming with Bloggess Fabulousness! Thanks for the laughs!

  90. I think maybe it is a “Come at me Bro!” gesture…. like a lemur challenge… or maybe I’m just feeling confrontational today.

  91. They need t shirts or maybe signs ( which would replace the ” no really, stay the fuck out of the Lemur enclosure, we aren’t kidding.” And would also avoid tan lines.) that says ” The Snuggle is Real.”

  92. I meditate just like those lemurs, man. “In with the good, out with the bad…HEY PHIL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING OVER THERE? Ok, focus, focus…nice warm sunshine…emptying my mi- DID YOU GUYS JUST SEE THAT? I THINK IT WAS A CAPYBARA. ARE CAPYBARAS EVEN FROM HERE? WHERE IS MY PHONE I NEED TO LOOK UP CAPYBARAS. (ten minutes later) Wait, what was I doing? Oh yes, emptying my mind. Ommm. Ommm. OmmmMMMG, THERE IS A BUG CRAWLING ON ME KILL IT KILL IT WITH FIRE…”

  93. I adore lemurs. I’d have one for a pet like a cat in a heartbeat if it weren’t for the scent musk glands they have. Don’t have time for funk. 🙂

  94. they forgot their “Free Hugs” sign but I would pay good money to hug a lemur

  95. I perceive this as a classic “oh, you wanna GO, BROHAN?” sort of maneuver. I think that they’re challenging someone off-screen to the right. A machismo lemur-battle is forthcoming.

  96. I perceive this as a classic “oh, you wanna GO, BROHAN?” sort of maneuver. I think that they’re challenging someone off-screen to the right. A machismo lemur-battle is forthcoming.
    – Super Starling / http://www.SuperStarling.rocks

  105. Ok,one, it never occurred to me that lemurs had junk. And I felt quite pervy watching this cause no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t help but check to see if they indeed had junk. So thanks for that. Two, I need to wash away this yucky feeling and I will never be able to listen to “We like to move it, move it” quite the same way again. 😳😭

  107. Oh my gosh, this is exactly how I feel when I step into a Catholic church these days (I’m no longer Catholic, and it seems like a lot of things they do have changed), and while reciting the Lord’s Prayer, everyone’s hands go up at their sides. JUST LIKE THE LEMURS. Maybe they’re all praying and that one dude in the middle is like me and thinks the arms are for waving to people up in the front or for catching wobbly friends. I figure it’s either that, or they’ve suddenly realized they’re deep tan on the back and their fronts are badly in need of some color.

  110. These lemurs are tourists from Britain. They’re overcome with delight/surprise on seeing the sun, and their arms are outstretched to hold those foil-lined baking trays that British people favour for sunbathing. Also ,you can tell they’re from the UK, because their chests are perpetually as white as sheets. Despite the foil offensive. (If they did the foil offensive in Texas, or Australia, they’d look like nachos that had been struck violently by soft pillows full of cheese then run thru a hot oven.)

  111. “Dick work colleagues asking them questions” (@LivingJen)

    So, the first read had me asking myself the question(s)…”Dick work. What the hell kind of job has employees doing dick work? Porn? How bad do they have to be at their job that they have to ask questions!? I mean besides ‘oh yeah, do you like my dick work, do you?’ (if you have to ask, probably not.).”

    Those lemurs are using body language to say…”Yo, behold my junk. Yeah, I’m awesome at dick work.”

  112. Lisa A – #106: THAT’S what I’m worried about, too!
    wiggly dance move
    hand over head
    ♪♪ ♪♪
    “You’ve got to move it, move it…”
    ♪♪ ♪♪
    Nope… not the same.

  113. It’s obvious to me that lemurs have irresponsibly large egos, as each one seems to be practicing for the next State of the Enclosure address. “My fellow mammals…I stand before you today with plans to annex the sloth pen. In doing so, we will return our enclosure to its original state of grandeur and prominence in the zoo, ushering in a new era…of Lemur Domination! Let’s make the Lemur Nation great again!” wild applause from tiny lemur paws The guys behind the main one are angling for a cabinet position, that’s why they keep propping the front man up. Or they could be sunning their ‘nads. It’s hard to say.

  118. I love the comments almost as much as I love your post. Thanks for Jenny, thanks for lemurs and thanks for commenters. Laugh out loud funny.

  121. Come visit me in Wichita, KS! I’m one of the primate keepers at Tanganyika Wildlife Park! While our lemur feeding experience has changed (due to new government regulations last year, and the lemurs are unable to crawl on you anymore) you can still get super close to them and hand feed them Craisens! We are only one of 4 places in the US you can do this! Just saying. Btw, yes they are sunbathing, they do this all the time! While I wouldn’t recommend breaking in to the lemur areas and tossing them cheese, stones, birds, etc. due to the face that they are on a strict diet, they do love fruit. Just saying…. lol! Also, I’ve met you on both book tours! Huge fan, would love to see you again!!

  124. If you put one bird inside of the other, then they could catch it. Also, two more things that it looks like they’re doing — trying to dance but falling over or meditating.

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