And that’s the secret to a 20 year marriage.

Victor is out of town but he constantly texts me because he knows I hate to talk on the phone and yesterday when I was picking up my meds I was digging through my purse for my debit card when a new text came in and I could see that the cashier was reading it but at that point I didn’t even care if she was judging me because it was pretty obvious I was there to pick up drugs to fix my head so she already knew what she was getting into, but then I looked at my phone and the texts showing were:

Victor: I just threw up in the airport.  Then toilet water splashed on me and I might be dying.

me:  Ew.  I’ll distract you.  There was a guy at the gas station with a t-shirt that said “WHILE YOU WERE READING THIS I FARTED” and now I know what I want for my back tattoo.  Also, sorry about the toilet water.  I think that’s how you get cholera.

Victor:  Yes, I am looking for something to kill myself with.

So I looked at the cashier and she looked back at me and I was like, “AND THAT’S THE SECRET TO A SOLID 20 YEAR MARRIAGE” and then she really hurried to get me my meds so basically everyone wins.  Except for Victor who is a super germaphobe and has probably scraped off all of his skin with a pumice stone by now.

 

150 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Won’t the TSA allow you to bring a power sander along for these emergencies?

    Liked by 8 people

  2. Pumice is for wimps. Tell him to get a power sander!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. BWAHAHAHAHA!!! You two are a hoot!

    Like

  4. Toilet water cholera seems like it would be my least favorite way to die.

    Liked by 5 people

  5. Aw, I’m #TeamVictorIsWrong all the way, but I feel really bad for him about that. I hope he feels better and that his skin grows back.

    I was thinking about him last night as I was hanging out with a contingent of the 501st. Unless I miss my guess, none of them were Victor though. At least, none of them threw up…

    Like

    Kelly and Geoff recently posted The science and history of rogue waves, part three.

  6. 7
    ocularnervosa

    I think you have to puke in stagnant water to get cholera and toilet water is always in circulation.

    Liked by 3 people

  7. 8
    coachchristianne

    Love this. You guys are hysterical.

    Like

  8. Please tell Victor that once I threw up ON myself and into a trash can immediately after departing from a plane. So I feel him. I had to change in the bathroom.

    Like

  9. OMFG LOL LOL LOL best tramp stamp ever!

    Liked by 2 people

  10. I have a friend who has a husband that when ever anything random happens (like toilet water splashes, slipping in the shower, or getting a papercut) he always says “And that, my friends, is how you get pink eye”. HI just with I had thought of it first.

    Liked by 6 people

  11. that’s true love right there!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Barfing in public is the worst. I’m so sorry that happened to him.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Has he checked his bag yet? The airport is one of the few places where you might have a change of clothes for emergencies like this.

    Liked by 1 person

    Cris recently posted How Freddie Mercury Helped Me Find True Love.

  14. Happy 20 years! If 15 is Giant Metal Chickens, what does 20 get you? (I’m asking because our 20th is also this year and for our 15th I asked for, and received, the Giant Metal Chicken key chain. It’s still in use… but I’m hankering for a cool new 20th gift. Whatcha got for me??)

    Like

  15. 17
    Tracy Frederico

    Airport toilet water? ARGH! GAG! I would have to throw up again but from a higher level. EEEEWWWWW!! Poor Victor.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. 18
    Robert in Chicago

    I’m skeptical here. What angle to you have to hold a phone so that both you and the cashier on the other side of the checkout counter can both read it? Admit it: You held your phone out to show her the texts!

    Like

  17. Like

  18. Seriously, the second pair of clothes in the bag. It’s a life saver! I hope he’s feeling okay. Why the hell is he throwing up in the airport? Poor dude.

    Like

    Rory recently posted Why Are Manic Episodes So Chaotic?.

  19. 22
    andrea murdock

    I one time sat directly on the toilet in a public restroom! RIGHT ON THE DIRTY COLD WHITE RIM! There is no pumice stone big enough for that job. Tell Victor he’ll be fine.

    Like

  20. On the bright side, I bet showing up to the gate with no skin is a great way to get a seat upgrade on the plane.

    Liked by 3 people

    Spoken Like A True Nut recently posted There’s a brain fart epidemic in the Nut house..

  21. 24
    Jenni (aka Sassypants)

    Can we clone Victor? Because honestly, someone like that is the only way I’ll ever get married.

    Liked by 2 people

  22. I’m reading this while eating my lunch and now barfing is funny! I’m not sure what that says about me.

    Like

  23. You two are a delightfully perfect crazy match! ❤️😃❤️

    Like

  24. 27
    Ima Listening

    Feeling Victor’s pain. I got sick on the plane. Those little bags work! Thank you Jursu and maintenance crew. And then again in the airport. Same deal. Shudder. I’m still here so I am thinking he will survive it.

    The idea for that as a tramp stamp is the best!

    Like

  25. I never knew I needed that shirt in my life until I read that it existed.

    Also, I hope Victor is OK! I hate when the toilet water splashes onto my butt cheeks, let alone having splash onto my face.

    Liked by 2 people

  26. Jesus, not Jursu. Holy crap autocorrect, what are you??

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Tell Victor that a large bottle of hand sanitizer applied liberally all over his naked body, followed by a rubbing alcohol rinse is a pretty decent way to deal with such emergencies. Bonus: you don’t have to dry off, just wait for the alcohol to evaporate. Double bonus: you can do this in an airport restroom stall.

    I already have a back tattoo, but I’m going to get that tattooed in a teeny font right above my asshole, so people have to get real close to read it.

    Liked by 4 people

  28. I had to take a dead mouse out of the dog’s mouth yesterday, and I didn’t throw it far enough, so I had to do it today too, and so it is one day deader. Cholera here I come.

    Liked by 5 people

    notquiteold recently posted I Did It!.

  29. 32
    angstmaster

    And they say romance is dead.

    Like

  30. If one reads other peoples’ texts then one should not be surprised by what one reads. Oh and give Victor a huge container of Lysol wipes.

    Like

  31. I feel for him. I get so airsick. If I’m not drugged up on dramamine, I’m puking in every barf bag I can find. It’s not fun. And my husband wonders why I hate flying. It took him 5yrs to get me to agree to the last flight. Wonder how long before the next one?

    Like

  32. I hear kale is a super food. Get him some kale to rub all over his toilet water cholera. Not to eat, because that gives you ecoli.

    Liked by 2 people

    Kristine @ MumRevised recently posted Is This Too Much Information?.

  33. OMG. Airport toilet water.

    The man just needs to set himself on fire and be done with it.

    And I’ll go with you for the tattoo!

    Like

    OwnLessDoMore.us recently posted Owning less: shit’s about to get real.

  34. I’ve been with my wife for close to thirty years and a sense of humor, thick skin and a lot of alcohol has helped us… just kidding, just a sense of humor. Good luck and I hope you celebrate another twenty years together. :o)

    Liked by 2 people

  35. I totally feel for Victor on this one. Toilet water is bad enough. Toilet water from a public restroom is 100x worse. And toilet water from an AIRPORT RESTROOM? That is internationally disgusting. I’d peel all my skin off, too.

    Like

    Aidan not Aiden recently posted Short n Sweet Thankful Thursday 4/14/16.

  36. I learned the hard way that one does not dump out a bucket of tortoise turd-water with one’s mouth open. I did not die. Perhaps Victor will be ok.

    Having kids prepared me well for life as a zookeeper. When my daughter was little, she fed me a box of Raisinettes one at a time at the movie theater. Then suddenly there was something weird in my mouth. “What was that?” The proud reply? “It’s GUM! I found it on the bottom of my seat!” I was pretty sure I would die of typhus, but I didn’t. I hope Victor survives.

    Liked by 5 people

    becomingcliche recently posted Three Things Thursday: What Made Me Smile.

  37. Poor Victor! That’s super gross and I think we should get him a portable shower to drag around with him when he travels.

    Like

    lifevivified recently posted Sidewalk Side Eye: I Might Be A Horrible Person.

  38. Once I cut myself on the plastic screw at the back of the toilet seat while cleaning it and I was pretty much 100% sure I would lose the hand. It’s been 8 years, so too early to tell, obviously.

    Liked by 5 people

    Sandra Maxson recently posted When your midlife crisis is going on longer than you expected..

  39. Yeah, sorry. He definitely has at least cholera. Airport toilets are full of stagnant poo that was held for 12 hours.

    Like

    Half a 1000 Miles recently posted I Lose My Shit Over Donuts.

  40. Where shall I send flowers or my donation to “Germaphobes Against Public Restroom Cholera” in lieu of flowers after Victor’s bloody pumice death?

    Liked by 1 person

    laurenritta recently posted Anatomy of This Weekend.

  41. You. Are. Priceless.

    Like

  42. Loved this post! Thanks for sharing!

    Like

  43. That settles it. If I ever have a band I’m naming it “Toilet Water Cholera”.

    Like

  44. Between the two of you, it sounds like full employment for all medical personnel in Texas.

    Like

    Elyse recently posted Hey Doc? Your Education is Lacking.

  45. Thank you, and all of my co-workers also thank you for getting me out of my stabby mood. You are saving lives!

    Like

  46. My plane was delayed about 6 hrs (an hour at a time, yeah right, lying buggers knew they were going to cancel it altogether) and I was stuck in a small area behind security with one set of toilets. They were the “automatic flush whenever they want to” kind AND the “automatic splash you straight up into your privates when they did” kind. It’s hard to pee when you’re tensing all your private, thigh and butt muscles tight.

    Liked by 2 people

  47. True love. The End.

    Like

    DayLee Fix recently posted Cop's Wife: Still Hurt.

  48. Tammy Eaton:
    “Toilet water cholera” will be the name of my Maroon 5 cover band.

    Like

  49. Next month hubby and I will officially be able to claim a solid 20 year marriage! And so it seems that my desire to be I just like you when I grow up is one step closer to fruition! #awesome

    Liked by 1 person

  50. I hope I have a marriage as funny and supportive as your guys’ in the future! ;D

    Like

    janice recently posted Anniversay Giveaway + Passwords Part Deux.

  51. Something I NEED….inspirational calendar full of funny pics and quotes from your books!!!

    Like

  52. You are so right. Weird shit is the glue that binds a long relationship together. Me and my husband have 22 years under our belts. That’s not to say we don’t annoy the hell out of each other at times. There is this place we drive past almost every day called Galaxy Farm. Every time I say, ” that place must be pretty big.” He has never laughed once. Won’t stop me from saying it though.

    Liked by 2 people

  53. I hope he’s ok. Also, maybe just a henna instead of a full on tattoo. Just in case.

    Like

  54. Don’t worry until your vomit is the color “sea foam green”. Then worry. It scares the ER staff.

    Like

  55. And that’s how you do marriage!! PS – it’s 20 yrs for us too…WOW. I just love your blog Jenny, Thank you for being real and sharing that. I hope that you truly understand how much you help the rest of us.

    Like

    sjhebig recently posted Easiest Ways To Be ‘Green’ And Help The Environment.

  56. Thank you for bringing a smile to my ho hum day!

    Like

  57. Perhaps, the toilet water cholera can be harvested and used the next time someone makes either of you feel stabby — you know, reuse, recycle and all like that there.

    To Anony #20: that was one of the funniest things I’ve seen in a long time. There’s a whole YT channel too. Although, I’m not so thrilled with the earworm — Victor, can I borrow a cup of cholera?.

    Like

  58. Forever uncleeeeeeeeeeaaaaannnn!

    Like

    Ealachan recently posted steve.

  59. The toilets in public restrooms are supposed to be cleaner than the door handles. So as long as he doesn’t lick the door on the way out, he’s OK.

    (As a mild germophobe, yeah, I have a hard time believing that too.)

    Like

  60. 63
    Joan Tinnin

    You are a constant delight.

    Like

  61. I would be sobbing and then I would probably run out in front of a departing plane. For real. The germaphobia is strong in me.

    Like

  62. I thought at first he meant that weak perfume that’s called toilet water (eau de toilette, literally).

    Like

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  63. Hahahah that is awesome!! If i would of read that… I would of laught so hard to it!

    Like

  64. Relationship goals!

    Like

    Kristin. recently posted Hear me when I talk about psychological pain..

  65. During the early weeks of my first pregnancy my husband and me travelled the east coast of the US. I was often sick and learned quickliy to hate american toilets (we are from Europe) because the water splashes back due to the very high water level in the toilet bowl. This is different to Europe. The funny thing was that the more expensive the hotel in the US the lower the water level in the toilet bowl.

    Like

  66. My breakfast cereal just went everywhere as I read that you want “WHILE YOU WERE READING THIS I FARTED” as your back tatt… Poor Victor

    Like

    Gary Lum recently posted How to cook a fabulous slow cooker beef curry.

  67. Having to vomit ANYWHERE is not a good thing. Doing it in a public restroom and then getting toilet water on your face makes it a bazillion times worse.

    And, no wonder I am not successful at marriage…The biggest dilemma I ever solved for an ex was to tell him the elves weren’t going to get him in retaliation for our daughter eating their sandwiches (to be fair, I woke him up when I called and the whole elf thing was the dream he was having…or hallucinations from drinking 8 Cokes in 8 hours…it was hard to tell with him)

    Liked by 1 person

    MsDarkstar recently posted N is for New Living Space.

  68. Barcy and Joelle — I was just about to post that “Toilet Water Cholera” should be the name of an emopunk band, but it looks like you guys beat me to the punch. Maybe we could form a trio? Been years since I played clarinet tho, so I prolly suck (fair warning).

    Like

  69. Tell Victor not to pour hand sanitizer in his mouth, cause it’s way worse than toilet water. Not that I’ve tried it or anything…

    Like

  70. I don’t blame Victor! Only a Clorox bath would make me feel clean after getting splashed with toilet water… Hope he feels better soon, though!

    Like

    Mariana recently posted Book Review: The Dinner by Herman Koch.

  71. This is probably the LAST thing you should tell Victor, but he essentially got a free fecal transplant! They are very helpful for chronic bowel diseases and can be expensive since insurance doesn’t like to pay. Win-win!

    Liked by 2 people

  72. My husband came in to tell me about report he read that said, “Couples who talk about poop, tend to have stronger relationships and less divorce.” (um…paraphrasing, but close). He looked at me and said, “Well damn, we’re doing something right.” Me: “How can you be married and NOT discuss poop??”

    Liked by 1 person

  73. Why was Victor hurling at the Airport in the first place? Is the Hurling in the first place the real serious issue or the splash back? Did he hurl at a previous airport and was already suffering from the plague? This will be something that will keep me up.

    Like

  74. 77
    Margaret Flint Suter

    I LOVE “Dumb Ways to Die” Hope Victor has found the purell wipes and taken care of the certainly viral toilet water…We feel your pain…we laugh near you, not AT you!!

    Like

  75. My husband sends me weird texts all the time, like “Good morning. There’s a chance of snow today” or “My meeting’s over. Mary’s mom died last night.” Always random, even after 27 years.

    Liked by 1 person

    mydangblog recently posted My Week 80: When I Was A DJ, Bluetooth Insanity.

  76. 79
    Marianne Gotrich

    I love this lady.

    Like

  77. 80
    Julanne Lorimor

    I feel his pain. Ewwww

    Like

  78. Ah yes, That phrase makes a way better back tattoo than a tshirt. Love it.

    Like

  79. 82
    Amy Chiligiris

    Amen.

    Like

  80. I mean, if you’re going to read other peoples’ text messages, you really can’t hold them accountable for what you see.

    Also, I send my condolences to Victor. That’s just nasty.

    Like

    Karen Marie Peterson recently posted My Favorite Murder.

  81. You just made me laugh harder than I’ve laughed in months, quite possibly years.
    Pretty sure all the moms in my school parking lot think I’m a nutcase right about now, but what else is new?
    You rule.

    Like

  82. A conversation between soul-mates, if I ever saw one.

    If you were to remove the names of who said what, I might not have otherwise known it was Victor with the first line. The response was all you, though. : )

    Like

  83. Part of the reason that this is funny is that Jenny is known for having worn a deer-carcass sweater at one time. Lady Gaga and her meat dress has nothing on her…

    Liked by 1 person

  84. You guys are my heroes. I needed a laugh today to get past the nothing in my head.

    Like

    Cassie recently posted in the mirror.

  85. This is the reason that you are my favorite author! That woman was lucky to get to read your tweets.🙂 (my sympathies to Victor)

    Like

  86. Do you ever wonder if the people who observe your weirdness are also writers or bloggers? Like what if that pharmacist writes in her off time and she went home and was all “Holy shit, y’all, I have learned the secrets to a 20 year marriage.”

    Liked by 1 person

    Awkwardly Alive recently posted We argue just like regular couples do..

  87. Shit! THAT’S how to make a solid 20 year marriage?! I’ve been doing it ALL wrong! I usually just throw things at The Viking when he needs a distraction. Or I need a distraction. Either my bra or underpants usually. Or meat. Vikings really like meat.

    Liked by 1 person

    Mrs. Completely recently posted That Had Better Be a Banana in Your Pocket!.

  88. Oh.Vomit splash-back. A very legit fear. Nothing more disgusting than toilet water. Always made me wonder why on EARTH they would call perfume, toilet water? Who wants to smell like essence of commode?!?

    Never made sense to me. shudders

    Like

  89. No no no toilet splash back. Set self on fire to cleanse.

    Like

    kstewand4cats recently posted Toad Prom.

  90. OMG, I’m such a germaphobe. Toilet barf backsplash is revolting at home. I can’t even imagine it in a public restroom. I think I’d attempt to flush myself down the terlit. At the very least, Purell baptismal pool dip. Poor Victor.😦

    Like

  91. I wonder why all men aren’t more like Victor!? He loves and understands your head trips, and he gets all your jokes. Everytime the tenuous thread I hang by is sure to brake, the two (or three cuz Hailey too) come thru with the just right life experience to give me hope for another 24hr period. That’s not such an easy thing. Especially now. …Just Thank you and carry on…
    K🌵

    Like

  92. Airports are gross, but heck, if you’ve eaten the food there, what’s a little commode facial?

    This sounds like the commentary we had when we upgraded our toilets. “Can flush 24 golf balls in one go? CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Off to Chipotle!”

    Liked by 1 person

    KatieComeBack recently posted Your Fate in One Date.

  93. Toilet Barf would be an awesome name for an awful band, or a band that sings genius songs like “Dumb Ways To Die”.

    Like

  94. Lol. You 2 are an amazing couple.

    Like

  95. I watched this video today, and in between my deafening guffaws, I thought “This is the truest picture of marriage I’ve ever seen.” Your and Victor’s text messages are pretty accurate, too. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-m_8BDx7f98

    Like

    Katy Bug recently posted “It Wasn’t Me” and Bathroom Floor Sex. WHY?.

  96. And Victor will be reading this back tattoo when you two are, intimate? 😀

    Like

  97. Gotta love germaphobes. They’re sooooo entertaining.

    Like

  98. Wendy – I’m in! I have no musical talent, so our band will suck. But it will be fun!

    Like

  99. Some of those toilets are like power washers, perhaps if he finds the right one it will either A) all even out (toilet water/cleaning..ehhh) B) he will die faster because the cholera is getting in faster. It’s really a win/win.

    Like

    yoyall recently posted An open letter to our kids.

  100. And the awesome thing is knowing you’ll still kiss him anyway when he comes home.

    And THAT is the secret to a marvelous marriage.

    Like

  101. You don’t need a pumice stone. Those Magic Eraser sponges take all the epidermis off. **My boyfriend thought it was a soft girly facial sponge. Nope, I use it on the toilet.

    Liked by 1 person

  102. I’m a germaphobe too, and I am feeling so badly for Victor right now. Stay strong, Victor, stay strong.

    Like

  103. […] when I was picking up my meds I was digging through my purse for my debit card when a new text … Continue reading → […]

    Like

  104. .Thank you Jenny. You make me smile every time I read your blog or a page from either of your books. It makes my heart sing to know that there are other people in the world who are able to spin the “stuff of life” into a reason to smirk?🌻🌻 You are a gift.

    Like

  105. Well, if he gets cholera, he can’t die of dysentery on the way to Oregon. Or is Cholera what it’s really called and dysentery just Civil War slang for it?

    Anyway. I know who’s getting volcano stones for his birthday! Just not cursed ones from Hawaii, that would probably be worse than cholera.

    Liked by 1 person

    Jen Donohue recently posted My Personal Self Publishing Debate.

  106. After watching all of your YouTube vids, now when I read what you wrote it sounds like your voice in my head.
    Also, sorry Victor’s going to have to have skin grafts.

    Like

  107. My son once projectile pooed directly into my face during a diaper change. I don’t know how this compares, but the lesson here is surely not to get too close to a baby’s ass. I suggest Victor go to the nearest orthodox synagogue for a cleansing mikvah. I hear this process involves completely disrobing, but it is supposed to make him “clean” again. At least in the spiritual sense. Mind over matter?

    Like

    Tara recently posted Being Jewish.

  108. Victor may be the one person who can watch the shower scene in the movie Silkwood with some envy.

    Like

  109. Wait. Why was Victor puking in the first place?

    Like

  110. 114
    Cynthia Pelchat

    Miss Jenny, I have picked “Furiously Happy” for book club. I loved it! You are “Furiously Funny” My mom is bi~polar. You have shed some light on the feelings she must have been having during her highs and lows. We laugh a lot together and I think it helps her. She reads a good deal too and I have recommended your books to her. She s going to love them as I did. Keep up the “Furiously Fabolous” work!
    Cyndie

    Like

  111. 115
    melwin7777

    Cholera and dysentery are similar, but caused by different bacteria. I’m assuming that Victor was not in an airport in an undeveloped country, so he probably has dysentery.

    Like

  112. Love you guys so much. You give hope to the rest of the world. Hope that Victor is feeling better.

    Like

    Sin recently posted Not again.

  113. Once when I had a migraine I threw up and the toilet water splashed back into my EYE, which was horrifying especially as I was still throwing up so could do nothing about it for a couple loooong minutes. Luckily that was my own toilet though! I can not even imagine doing it in the airport!

    Like

  114. 118
    Supercatgrrl

    Don’t worry Victor, plane toilet water has a plethora of chemicals that will probably kill cholera, I’m more concerned about the chemicals killing his face. I mean, I’d assume the planes were nice enough to test for corrosion of skin in case they hit turbulence while someone was on the john, but then they keep making the seats smaller, so maybe the chemicals are created to erode your buttocks. OMG! I finally found a conspiracy I like! Planes are trying to make our asses smaller with chemical toilet water!!! Sorry about your face though, Victor…

    Like

  115. 119
    Supercatgrrl

    I just reread this and realized it was the airport. Victor is definitely going to get cholera from that. They don’t use ass-corrosive chemicals in the airport… Sorry Victor. I’ll come to your funeral if it makes you feel better…

    Like

  116. When I get fired for spitting coffee all over my computer screen, I’m totally congratulating you.

    Like

    Jess@NoPithyPhrase recently posted Eyesockets and Pee-Batteries (alternatively titled: WTF Headlines).

  117. Ugh, yes. Gross and grosser. I publicly vomed twice last week during a reaction to meds, and it was horrible.

    Like

  118. poor Victor i feel super bad for him I would be super grossed out by that and I am not a germaphobe

    Like

  119. I hope someday someone loves me enough to tell me they’ve contracted cholera from an airport bathroom.

    Like

  120. If you need to add some of that special romance, you or Victor can do what I saw in downtown Chicago recently. There was a guy (actually, who knows) on the street corner, with a boom box, in a gorilla suit, lip-synching to Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You” to a girl. She wasn’t screaming or running away so presumably she knew him and felt she had to hang around. Not sure what the private follow-up to that was; maybe you have to have the 20 year thing to get it.

    Like

  121. Oh poor Victor. I hope he feels better and doesn’t get cholera. Or Ebola.

    Like

    thornfield523 recently posted I Hate Being Right.

  122. I have it here a warning comment.
    Do not eat it the Punjab Cricket. If eat it then a problem of a bad smell gas happen. One time my woman friend Smupa eat it the Punjab Cricket. She then have it the bad smell gas for 4.5 days. For this time she not want to have a fun time in the bed at the night. Not good my friend.

    Like

  123. To Pratha – I once had a fanny burp come out in a crowded church van. Unfortunately it had a bad odor as well. The driver was forced to pull over by everyone in the van so they could get out and get some fresh air. There was also a girl in the van who I liked.

    Like

  124. I think the secret to a 20 year marriage, for me, is a Do-Over. Can I please get a Do-Over?

    (I married my college sweetheart, but only 6 years ago, instead of just outta college, you see).

    btw, I know how both Jenny and the cashier were reading the texts for “skeptical Robert in Chicago” – Jenny wasn’t actually HOLDING the phone, but had set it on the countertop to pay for the brain meds. BooYah!

    Like

    emelle28 recently posted I am so happy and grateful for.

  125. Playing with my baby daughter 33 years ago. She vomited directly into my mouth in a perfect slo-mo arc. You know, I surprise myself by surviving what I would have once found impossible to survive. Parenthood did that for me.

    Like

  126. My best friend wrote a book for me (about me) in High School and years later, she dusted it off and added a whole series of other books to the Quest. They are delightful, fantastically fantasy based and a blast to read. She’s published them herself, but they never got the recognition I truly think she deserves as such a talented writer. Check ’em out! Spread the word. If she could get published by a big company, that would be aces. If y’all just love reading them, that’s badass too. Thanks Jenny! I super, super, super heart+adore you! http://www.amazon.com/Oracle-Quest-Book-iUniverse-Paperback/dp/0595396046/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1461350323&sr=8-7&keywords=degroodt

    Like

  127. YAY for 20 years!

    Like

    thismamaiscrazy recently posted I swear, I’m a grown up!.

  128. I threw up in a bus once. One of the big Greyhound types you rent for your university orchestra to travel to small towns and play concerts. This was such an event. I threw up repeatedly on the way home in that disgusting bus bathroom and was sick for a week. Probably from the bathroom.

    Like

  129. Aw, poor Victor. In my experience, there is little worse than an airport bathroom. I barely want my shoes to touch the floor. I can’t imagine airport toilet water getting on me!

    Also #20, I LOVE that video! RTD in Denver adopted that campaign and the little singing/dancing dead guys are on posters on the bus and light rail.

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  130. Toilet Water Cholera, new band name, called it.

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  131. Poor Victor! I hope he is feeling better, sans skin.
    I once was so sick, I threw up on the jetway. Crawling along it, puking into the little metal gutter that runs along the sides. The captain got off the plane to decide if I could fly. I was told by several people that they had never seen anyone that shade of green before. They ok’d me to fly after it was discovered that my illness was due to taking Dramamine on an empty stomach. A flight attendant gave me a ginger ale and a muffin left over from breakfast service, and it did the trick. But holy cow, was I embarrassed, once I knew I wasn’t going to die.

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  132. Hm, my husband is the exact opposite. He never washes his hands. Doesn’t care about toilet water, the gym, sanitizing anything at all. He uses soap in shower so he doesn’t smell. He claims his immunity is built up strong.
    I’m cleaner than him, although I will sit bare ass on a public toilet and he will make a base layer. Why am I talking about this? God, we’re gross.

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    Julie Burton recently posted From, a nobody..

  133. When things like this happen to me at work it makes my day. I love it when people tell me crazy stories. It makes up for all the rude people. Also I hope victor doesn’t die of toilet bowl cholera. I feel like if he died of tbc when other dead people asked how he died they’d make fun of him and I feel it’s wrong to ridicule someone because they died of toilet bowl cholera. That’s adding insult to injury.

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  134. #marriagegoals

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  135. 139
    iain McDonald

    I walked past a bookstore today on the way to watching Zootopia with friends, and I found your book (Furiously Happy). I now own your book, and was wondering if you could email me a signature (not your actual one, maybe just a signature that looks Bloggessy because I don’t want you worrying I’ll use it for fraud purposes) that I can print out and trace into my book. Because I live in Hamilton, New Zealand, and I’m not sure you’ll be doing a book-signing tour my way for a while.

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  136. I agree. Our 19 year anniversary is in July and that’s pretty much what my conversation feed looks like with my husband too.

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  137. Love it!

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  138. You can actually buy plush versions of germs on Amazon. Great presents for scientists and germophobes. Here is the cholera: http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B005OK3F80/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1461414066&sr=8-1&pi=SX200_QL40&keywords=cholera+plush&dpPl=1&dpID=21uEHmlgPBL&ref=plSrch

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  139. oh God, I would have no need to look around for something to kill myself as I would simply spontaneously combust if airport toilet water touched me!

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  140. As Dave Barry might say: “Toilet Water Cholera” would make a good name for a rock band.

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  141. Poor Skeleton-face Victor. That can’t look good. Hope he doesn’t wear glasses – you need a nose to keep them on your face.

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  142. My husband texted this: (parenthetical explanatory three letter words are mine)

    Oliver (cat) ate Jack’s (dog) pill.
    Should I go ahead and put fertilizer on the ferns?

    Not realizing they were sent 2 hours apart, I replied:

    Sure, what else would you do in a case of interspecies drug overdose?

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  143. Nah, not cholera. Probably just inhaled some mutant e.coli bacteria.
    Also, I am a primary teacher who responds to my own preschooler’s complaints with, “Oh, no, do you want me to put that hand in a ziplock bag for you to show daddy when he gets home? Because it’s so bad we had to remove it?” I am like the worst about saying “You’re FINE!” to children. So tell your husband that unless there is…and I say this to my class and my kid both…blood or a flood, ain’t no thing.

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  144. I was at a local concert where the three women singers were interacting with the audience. One explained that two of them were newlyweds and would like advice for a long happy marriage. The longest-married couple in the audience had been married 71 years! The husband’s advice to the newlywed for a long marriage? “Don’t get divorced.”

    Like

  145. 149
    tami martin

    I fucking love you!

    Like

  146. The nail gun was made only for twwo functions, to
    nail the planks into place, and angled in order thatt the instrument or nail cannot harm the wood.

    Like

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