Sharks ate my cat.

in Random Crap

Last week my friend Mary mailed me this and at first I didn’t know what it was until it ate Ferris Mewler.

bloggess cat shark

Best cat house ever.

And it made me laugh out loud, which is nice because this week my head has been more of an asshole than normal.  There seems to be a lot of that going around so just know that if you are drained or depressed or feel worthless you aren’t alone, but your brain is just lying to you and this will pass.  I promise.  We’ll feel better soon.  I’d write a whole post about it but I can’t concentrate enough to use my words, because SEE ABOVE.  I recommend applying videos of hedgehogs taking baths as needed, and also reminding yourself that this feeling isn’t real and we’ll all catch back up with the world soon.  It’s gonna be okay.

PS. I went that entire post without making an easy sex joke and now I want a high-five.

181 thoughts on “Sharks ate my cat.”

Read comments below or add one.

  2. Thanks! I needed this today. I’m at low ebb. Now I have to buy that cat house. I am one tabby away from becoming a crazy cat lady.

  5. :High Fives Jenny: Way to go!! Also, your head may be being an asshole, but Ferris Mewler got eaten by a shark & he’s still okay, so you will be too.

  6. high five I want one of those things, but I don’t think my cats would crawl in them. They be like “you want me to use that? you crawl in there?”

  14. Bad weeks come and go, but your sense of humor is constant. Thank you Jenny for being you. We wouldn’t want you any other way…

  19. high five! I want to get one of these for my cat…but more for my amusement though.
    I hope you’re feeling better. I hate it when my head is an asshole.

  22. You definitely get a HIGH FIVE from me. And yes, this too shall pass. Thanks for making us laugh even when you don’t feel like laughing yourself. Hang in there!!!

  24. High ten! (both hands high-fiving!) Hope you have a relaxing weekend and beware of Land Sharks! (ala Saturday Night Live). Sorry for the obscure, 1970s reference, but I am old. Oldish. xo

  25. SUSIELINDAU, CASEY F! For a mere(!) $200 you can have a shark eat people! I found a shark sleeping bag!!! http://www.thisiswhyimbroke.com/shark-sleeping-bag There’s also mermaid tail couch blanket things that I bet could be modified to look like sharks if you’re a sewer (if there’s not already patterns for sharks out there). Anywho… look for shark sleeping bags. THEY EXIST! 😀

    But I kinda want a shark cat house for my dog, only she’s too big for that and now I am sad. 🙁 I wonder if I could build one for her…

  27. This reminds me of the land shark skit from Saturday night live where it knocked on the door and said Candygram. It’s been a rough couple of months since I was injured in a car wreck and suffered severe head injuries. But how they could tell I have a brain injury is astounding since my brain doesn’t work right anyway. Thanks for the laugh.

  32. Another High 5! Pretty sure I would not have had such restraint.

    Also this week on May 24, the Dictionary.com word of the day was “gormless” which encapsulated how i was feeling this week perfectly.

  34. I feel your pain about the brain being an asshole lately.
    What I really wanted to comment to say was “damn you for making me think the dirty though that I wouldn’t have if you hadn’t mentioned it was there!” I didn’t know sharks like to eat….cats.

  35. Edited for typo
    I feel your pain about the brain being an asshole lately.
    What I really wanted to comment to say was “damn you for making me think the dirty thought that I wouldn’t have if you hadn’t mentioned it was there!” I didn’t know sharks like to eat….cats.

  36. High five! We will all get through this and be furiously happy soon.

  38. high five, sugar!! we’re about to trek out through the rain to a miserable occasion in which I an going to have to hold my tongue. my poor damn longsuffering husband… ah well, I bet I’m the only one rocking hair this color (magenta) at my age, and the rest of them can have a heaping helping of blow me. 😇

  39. I am absolutely certain that at least one of our dachshunds would cuddle up in that. One of them might also try to chew on it, but… details.

    High five for surviving. This week started out in the crapper for me too. I’m finding that self care and deliberately being kind to others is helping improve my mood. In other words, the stuff you already do.

  41. High five!! I don’t have a cat. So I’m wondering if it could work as a foot warmer, because then a shark would be chewing my legs off while I watch tv. That can’t be a bad thing.

  42. My two Maine Coon cats would sit on top of this house the CRUSH the shark. Then Sprite would allow Reilly Pokie Head Wilson to enter the shark so she could sit on top of both of them.
    Try a site called “Not that Mike the Other Mike” for new Cute Overload laughs.

  44. This week has been such an asshole. My chicken, Dharma, shitted her insides out and I had to poke them back in. EIGHT TIMES. So “stick your chicken’s insides back in with a disinfected gloved finger” is crossed off my fuck it list, so there’s that.

    (I love you. That is all. ~ Jenny)

  45. Confirming this week has been a complete asshole.
    Also, can they make the shark house into a purse too? That way I could bring my cat to work. In a shark.

  46. High five to you! I am low also. Even got scared I was losing it. Thank you for your wonderful blogs. I wish mind happiness to you!

  47. Maaaaaaannnnn
    so many things on amazon don’t ever ship here, and there’s just no reason for it. I’m 15 minutes away from the US border, not on some remote island. LET ME GIVE YOU MY MONEY, PET BED

  48. High five to you! I am low also. Even got scared I was losing it. Thank you for your wonderful blogs. I wish mind happiness to you! Also need to know why we all find animals eating adorable, not people with mouths open..

  50. I’ll FedEx you a High 5.

    I want my brain to take a lie detector test. It is refusing so I’m thinking of calling the Maury Povich show to arrange one. He needs new content anyway that doesn’t involve paternity testing.

  51. This really MUST be made in adult human sizes. It could fit a comfy chair, a book shelf and martini bar and it would be my happy place.

  56. I have enough cats (11) that I think they would win against the shark.

  58. Yikes!!! Wow, Jaws! I love the cat bed; asshole brains, not so much. I’m tired of mine being an asshole. It’s taking a vacation from assholeing, but still. If there is one thing you have ever said, one that I carry as a mantra, it is that depression lies.

  60. I am jealous 1. of that awesome cat house, and 2. because your cat actually uses cat houses. I have never had a cat that would actually lay in any bed, house, cushion, or shelf we provided them. They much preferred my sleeping face.

  61. Ummmm..anyone else want to know what the easy sex joke was?

  64. It’s a funny time in the universe. Lots of heads full of strangeness. Thanks, Jenny to you and your blog for making people feel like there’s a place to go. To laugh. To be understood.

  65. High five to you. Yay.

    You are correct about the not-awesomeness of the week. Bleck.

    I have this weird image of Gandalf yelling, “This too shall pass!” Not the correct quote, yet still applicable.

    Y’all try to have an uneventful and pleasant weekend.

  68. It’s helpful to know it’s not just my head that’s being a douchnozzle this week. Ugh. This totally made my day. Ferris needs a bigger boat.

  71. High five for not telling us a shark ate your pussy. Low five for telling ys you didn’t tell us that. I want a pussy-eating shark for my furbabies. My brain is also an asshole. I have too much to do and no motivation to do anything.

  72. Kudos to you for your restraint. Whoever designed that house cat deserves a Nobel Prize for cat-house building. If there is such a thing.

  73. That is amazing! Thanks for sharing. I’m feeling low too. And getting my toes crushed under a horse’s hoof did NOT help. I would love this for my kitties, but they seem to be more along the lines of “if other cats dig it, we’re too cool for it.”

  75. Pingback: Sharks ate my cat. – Depression Lies

  76. Thanks for the reminder. I’m currently weaning off/withdrawaling from Paxil. Just when I thought I was almost through it, I woke up with new side effects. My brain isn’t on my side lately either….

  77. High five. Also, I want a shark bed that can omnom my Lily cat – who might be part shark herself. Also also, depression lies. It does get better. And there are friends and hugs and cat videos to help you until it does.

  79. You can add me to the list of “there’s a lot of that going around.” I felt so drained and down that I couldn’t write. Not even crap. I sat frozen in my chair. Well, more like a sack of old potatoes. However, I had assigned myself a daily task of looking for things that bring me joy. I had even posted this commitment on my blog. I couldn’t let my blog readers down! (all 55 of them) So I started listening to motivational tapes in my car while I drove, feeding my brain with better messages than I was supplying on my own. I looked for the humor in the annoyances. I wracked my brain at the end of the day to remember one joyful thing. And it started to turn my mood around. It actually started to turn my blues into hues. Woo-hoo!

  80. My head tells me that the new med isn’t working and never will. I hate depression. It’s such an asshole.

  82. Now I want a cat, just so I can get that house for it.
    Just so you know, the first time I typed that comment, it came out “Now I want a house, just so I can get that cat for it.” I’ll blame my daughter’s incessant chatter.

  83. This week has been super shitty. Anxiety keeps telling me that I fail as an adult and it’s really getting on my nerves and making it hard to get my work done.
    I want the shark! I wish I had $30 to spend on that. I want a shark to eat my cat and make me laugh.

  84. High five. May you be feeling much better very soon (that’s my best shot at an Irish blessing).
    Anyway, here’s a cat in a shark suit riding a roomba chasing a duck.

  86. I’m having one of those weeks when I wish a neurosurgeon would remove the slice of brain that’s holding me back and replace it with a slice of cake. Except, not my favorite cake because I’m now allergic to that. Maybe a slice of your favorite cake? Unless I’m allergic to that one, too.

  87. The last TWO weeks have tried to kill me. When I get unusually stressed, insomnia kicks in. Probably sleep only every third or fourth night. HELP.

  88. I am just now digging my way out of a month long battle of self-loathing depression. In the midst, I read Furiously Happy. Good god, you are in my head; just wandering around cracking jokes. I hope that your inner asshole leaves soon too (only your inner asshole, you need your outer asshole.)

  89. Ferris has an affinity for caves doesn’t he? I’m remembering the time he got stuck in the wolf or coyote head. He’s well named. The original Ferris pushed boundaries, went seeking adventure.

  92. Sorry, Jenny. Your promise doesn’t really mean anything to me. Job hunting sucks. (Anybody need an editor?)

  93. MUST. GET. SHARK. NOW. Thanks Jenny…Dorie Cat would probably like the shark and it would make me laugh, which is what I need right now. My brain too is being all asshole-like and so is my body. I’ve got a whole bunch of different doctor appointments coming up for various things…including a colonoscopy. Yep…I have to drink the crappy colon cleansing beverage from hell and spend my night on the toilet so some doctor I’ve never met can shove his wee camera up my butt to see why it’s doing weird things. My butt…not his camera. Maybe I should take the shark with me for protection.

    Jenny…have you ever had a colonoscopy before? Have you ever written about one? I would love to hear your take on it….promise if it ever happens, you’ll do it. It’s the only thing that might get me through this…well, that and the drugs!!

  94. This is not cat/shark related, but something I found while doing a laugh hunt. Sometimes I fake laugh out loud and it tricks my body/brain into actual laughter which relieves my stress/depression/anxiety. Other days I watch videos like this, https://youtu.be/Sv5iEK-IEzw.
    High five! Because Eddie Izzard plus Legos plus Star Wars is one of my new favorite things. 🙂

  95. Thanks for this because it’s been a really rough week. It’s good to know I have you guys.

  98. I have a beautiful, serene, calico lap whore and an insane, pretty blonde tabby with anxiety issues. I want that shark.

  101. Why, Ferris, why didn’t you remember to punch the shark in the nose? Oh yeah, that may not always be the best advice.

  104. My cat would have nothing to do with such a thing. My chihuahua, however, would happily be shark food!

  105. Ye gawds, yes, this week is a complete asshole. Glad to be reminded I’m not alone.

  106. We have the same cat bed. We also have a hedgehog. How about I skip the hedgie bath videos (because Snuffles McPricklePuff hates bathtime with the fiery passion of a thousand suns) and take pictures of the Shark Bed eating him instead?

  108. The sex joke was too easy–practically qualifies as the “understood,” goes without saying, joke.

  109. I LOVE that shark.

    However, my cranky old lady cat would just stare at that thing and go “Really? REALLY? I don’t even think so.” and turn her grumpy nose up at it.

  113. I ordered one of these for our newest edition – Alan Lickman – but the bloody thing didn’t arrive. Had to make do with a Strawberry. Cute, but not nearly as amusing as a Shark House.

  114. You are so right…many of are feeling just as low and our heads are being assholes. Love putting it that way. I’m off work again because I just can’t concentrate, stop crying or get my shit together. So sick of this depression and the lies it makes us believe. Thanks for your blog…its my fave.

  115. Thanks, I needed the reassurance that it was not just my brain that hates me.

  116. Wow. Your blog so often hit right where I need it. Slowly pulling out of recent depressive dip. It helps to know there are so many of you out there who have been there and have the damn t-shirt.

  117. Ha! I’ve seen Groupons for those sharks. Knowing my clowder, they’d turn their little pink noses up at it. They got a new shipping box last night so they’re good for now.

  118. We have the same shark bed and we bought another one for a friend! It is always entertaining!

  120. Haha I love that cat house!
    and yes I agree – it’s been a very hard few days…
    Hugs and high five!

  123. My cat NEEDS this shark but I have a feeling the dog would take it over as his own.

    Thanks for the grin. It’s been rough for me lately too. In the midst of medication adjustment hell. The reminder that our brains lie to us sometimes and it will get better from someone who has been there really helps.

  124. I’ve spent the last three weeks doing exactly nothing I should be doing. Which will eventually get me in a bunch of trouble. However, I’ve decided not to try and fight it at least for the next three days. On the good side, I have six new chicks, one of which I very cleverly named Henrietta. I amuse myself.
    Now I must get a shark hen house, because that too would be funny.

  125. The timing of this post could not have been more perfect. Thanks for reminding me what a liar this shit is and that I’m not alone. You are amazing.

  126. There’s definitely a lot of that going around — my brain’s been an asshole to me this week, too. (I seriously went on a crying jag Monday morning that I still can’t explain. Unless my hormones shifted to attack me just after my period instead of just before it…)

    Finding cute animal videos to watch never occurs to me when I’m feeling down, but the other day I watched a movie that had Ewan McGregor waggling around naked, and that cheered me up pretty darn well!

    …I should probably try the animal videos next time, though. No point getting un-depressed if I just end up horny instead…

  127. I think I may have posted this before, but Ferris looks so much like my late Bailey that it hurts me to look at him sometimes. But I won’t stop looking, because he reminds me so much of Bailey and it makes me happy to know a Bailey-clone is making someone else happy.

    I do hope Ferris meows normally, and not like Bailey, which was a MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-eeeeehhh horrible noise.

    <3

  129. It’s uncanny how many people you connect with every time you speak. Thanks for being there for us, and I hope you know we’re all pulling for you too. Ferris Mewler also reminds me of a cat I used to have, and I’m so sorry he was eaten. He looked very good at the end, though.

  130. I have a sewing pattern to make a “fish” cat house but my cat is an asshole and doesn’t like going into tents, boxes, etc. Nice that Ferris Mewler does.

  131. HOW DO I GET ONE FOR AN 80LB LAB???

    Sorry, that is awesome!

    Not sure what is up with this year but it has been a brat thus far. It sucks that there is so much suffering. Hoping things get brighter for you and the others who are stuck in that darkness.

  132. We’re gonna be ok. We’re gonna be ok. We’re gonna be ok.
    Ok, whew. Thanks.

  133. Thanks, I needed this too. This low point for me has lasted a lot longer than normal.

  134. You get a high five, a high ten, a high twenty. You are a shining light of humor in a sea of darkness. Keep telling your head you know better and to stop treating you badly.

  136. High five! That is epic. Its so sneaky. Just lying around waiting for unsuspecting cats to just climb in.
    It doesn’t work if you try if for chocolate though. sad face you end up looking like a dingle berry.

  137. You gots the a high-five Jenny, can I get a hug? I spent all day yesterday in tears, then I made sure to find a new EMDR therapist and I have an appointment on Tuesday. Today I feel fine, I can do this job, I am not going to fail. I am very lucky I can afford that therapist, I wish everyone could.

  141. Oh great. Like I have nothing better to do w/ what tiny, little bit of precious time that I have than to have to make a hysterical cat bed thing which they’ll use once or twice & then shun it like it’s…well, whatever the cat version of the plague is. No, I do have to make it, I sew home dec for what pathetic, little, meager living I make from it. It’s what I do. I do have a couple of hedgehogs though, I reckon I can give ’em a dunk, it is amusing to watch them float about.

  143. i love that you remind yourself and others (like myself) that depression is a liar (anxiety is a mother fucker too). I needed to see this. I misplaced/forgot where I put my medication so I haven’t taking them for about 7 days now…I am angry and raw and full of emotion and have no engry to do anything but take care of my two girls. I looked and couldn’t find them today it took energy to ask for help, I was embarrassed and ashamed to have my friends help me find them, but they are awesome. They searched and found them for me. It brought me to tears. Hopefully I will get back to feeling better. Depression liar, friends lifesavers.

  144. Thanks for that, I needed it too! I’m trying TMS for my brain, not sure if it will help but I need to try. Have you tried it? I love your books, and they’ve helped through tough times.

  146. They will now be running around like little gnomes trying to make all these awesome shark houses! High 5er Jenny!😃

  150. Is there a camping version of this – like a sharknado tent? Because I think my parents would love this. Okay, I doubt it, but trying to explain to them would be fun and if it came with Ian Ziering, even better. Should I just contact Amazon?

  151. My head has been an asshole in a different way. I had a migraine for two weeks straight and this week I’m finally managing to bring it under control because I went to a walk in clinic and got scary drugs. It’s not 100% gone but it’s still like coming out of the dark. I had known I felt horrible, it was a migraine after all, but I hadn’t realized how weighed down and dark it had made everything feel until it the migraine started going away. I need to find a doctor here so that I can some real control.

    My point is when we feel bad it becomes so much easier to give up. If we don’t give up though, things can get better. I’m proud of myself for not missing any work the last three weeks even though it sometimes felt like my brain would explode. I also didn’t cry or yell at anyone.

  152. Bad week here,too, but this was priceless in lifting my mood with a great laugh. Broke my being triggered to self harm today, so thank you.

  153. Hey you guys! If you click on the highlighted word “this” in the first sentence it tells you what it is and how to buy it. ..Just sayin’… Jenny always lookin’ out for us! Feel better soon!

  154. I ordered this for my bunny months ago. At the time; my color options were “blue” “pink” or “shark”. It was not a difficult decision.

  156. HA! I had a great time yelling at my daughter and her friends (all about 15 years old) OMG! Come see this shark eating a kitten! They all went “NNNNOOOOOO!!!!!!!” But shanged it to “AAWWWWWW!” We have 2 cats that may enjoy this….but we have a dog that eats all the plushies!

  157. Ok. High five! But why are our brains assholes? Seriously, what is the point of that? And no, I don’t necessarily think there is an answer but this week my brain is really out of line and I’m annoyed (plus all the other feels that come with having an asshole brain.

  158. I LOVE YOU….we are soul sisters. I read both your books, gave Furiously to my Mom to read, she wouldn’t do it. She is in such denial that anything could be wrong with me….ello….diagnosed over 10 years ago….not going away any time soon…..I also want to start a blog but haven’t a clue where to start…well..I started on Sitebuilder, and that’s it…signed up….how the hell do you do this?

  159. Can I get one that actually eats my husband’s cat?

    I should be incredibly happy, because I just got back from a weekend spent with my son. But the good times were buried under a shitpile, both from his autism and his stepmother’s drunken melodrama, and now I feel like hell and tomorrow’s my third wedding anniversary and I could give a flying fuck because we can’t afford to do anything to celebrate it anyway.

    Now that I think about it, maybe I’d like a shark bed I could curl up in. One that would bite anyone who came near me or tried to talk to me while I was inside it.

  161. Jenny, you get a big high-five! It’s been a rough two weeks for me with anxiety and depression – so much so that my chest muscles are sore from scrunching up.

    If you get a chance, check out The Katering Show on youtube because those girls are HILARIOUS. It’s insane how funny they are and no matter how often I watch it they make me laugh hysterically. I really think you’d laugh, too 🙂

  162. High five – both hands (high ten?!) Thanks for the laugh, and for reminding me once again that depression lies. It sure seems lately like it’s telling the truth, but that’s when it time to haul out Furiously Happy again and reminding myself it will get better.

  163. Hi! I think you need some video therapy: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VTV23B5gBsQ. This is ‘True Facts about the Land Slug.’ If you keep going when it’s over, you can listen for an hour or so, True Facts about almost every strange creature, because there are a whole bunch of them. When you’re done, You’ve laughed a bunch and learned some true facts about biology. Even if it doesn’t make the shit go away, it’ll give you something to think about. I’m going to think of love darts. I’m glad people don’t have to do love darts. Hang in there.

  164. Pingback: Sharks ate my cat. — The Bloggess – Tech Stuff

  165. Imagine The Todd just gave you “Kicking Depression in the Nards” high-five and a snap.

    THEEEEERE it is!

  171. OMG! I need one of those sharks! You should sell them on here!

  173. Oh my goodness, I bought one of those for my cat because it’s a shark, of course I’m going to buy it for my little furry land sharks to sleep in. She refuses to even acknowledge it exists. I’m not sure if I’m saddened by this or weirdly proud that she recognizes when I’m making fun of her.

  174. @Rena don’t know if you will see this but I haven’t laughed that hard in weeks. Both the original post and the comment recap are priceless.

  175. OH MY GOD I want to get a cat just so that I can get that thing. (What is it called😅?!)
    Hell yeah I AM GETTING A CAT! Thanks to @thebloggess who can get any human to fall in love with cats in no time.
    Cat lovers-please do suggest cat names!!

  177. Right now the best we can do for our kitties is a green collapsible laundry hamper, which Bobby likes to play Kitty In A Well inside. Or better yet, wait for someone to be close enough and try to grab them from inside the hamper. Had a bit of a lay down next to it the other night and Bobby must have tried to scalp me at least seven times that way. Well, I say ‘scalp’, it was more like a tap on the forehead. I should probably post pics of him in the ‘well’, and if I had a cell phone of my own, I would.

  178. Isn’t it nice when something random pulls you out of your funk and makes you laugh. Especially when it’s unexpected and unintentional =) And if my cat liked beds, I would totally be getting him one of those…but he’s a jerk.

  179. OMG, I have this one, too! What I love is that my cat likes to sleep half in/half out of it, so it looks like he’s being eaten, lol!

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