He doesn’t even have testicles.

in Random Crap

If you’ve been reading here you already know that I’ve been in a weird spot lately and (as usual) the darkness in my head jumpstarts my Impulse Control Disorder which (in short) means my hands try to destroy me.  So last night I had to give my hands something to distract themselves so I grabbed my sketchbook and decided to do a bunch of studies of the cats, but the cats were like “What are you doing?  Why are you staring at us like that.  Stop holding me down.  You’re seriously creeping us out, crazy.” And they wouldn’t stay in one position long enough so I had to keep starting over again with their new poses, and then Victor looked over my shoulder and was like, “Um…are you okay?” because it looked like I was sketching pictures of dismembered cats.  But then Ferris Mewler started cleaning his junk and then he sort of forgot he was cleaning himself, or maybe he was just comfortable but either way he finally stayed in position and glared at me long enough for me to complete a drawing.

I call it “God Grant Me the Immutable Self-Confidence of Cats.”

bloggessdoodlecat

When I was done I showed it to Ferris.

wtf
“WTF. Is that supposed to be me?”

He wasn’t impressed.

Nailed it.
“Fuck you, lady.”

Nailed it.

144 thoughts on “He doesn’t even have testicles.”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Hahahaha! Cats never are impressed with what we humans do. Well, I like the sketch.

    Also, my cat gives me that same look all the time!

  3. Are cats ever impressed? You could’ve went all Jack/Rose/Titanic-drawing up in that room, and the cat would still be like, “Meh.”

  8. You definitely caught the attitude in that one. Our boy sits like that sometimes, too. He is also lacking in the testicle department. Maybe they’re dreaming of days of testes past.

  9. I would totally buy a tee shirt with this cat drawing and the slogan: God Grant Me the Immutable Self-Confidence of Cats because. Life. Kinda says it all, I think. Thanks for always making us laugh. Even when you hurt. Sending light and hoping it finds you soon.

  11. OMG that would be purrfect on a tshirt. I would wear the shit out of that!
    take all my money

  13. He appears to be genuinely studying the drawing in the first pic. Lol. But, yeah. So not impressed. But then, what does a guy who licks his own junk know about art anyway, FERRIS?? 😊

  14. I need a print of that. And maybe a t-shirt. That’s perfection.

  17. I second the t-shirt wish. Make it happen in your store, Jenny!

  19. Ignore that big-ass number after my name. Clumsy fingers on a tiny keyboard!

  25. I mean this in the most sincere way; you nailed that cat’s anus.

  27. I so needed comic relief today… You absolutely did nail it. lol
    Thank you for sharing this! 😀

  28. My neutered male cat, Louis J. McGuffey, Attorney at Law, also sits like this. His face seems to be saying “Look at my hole, human servant. Admire my ball-less wonderment.” His sister, Fluffer Nutter, Stealer of Souls, will sit like this but she just appears to be missing her job in the red light district of Amsterdam.

  29. That is an amazing portrait!

    Yesterday my cat wanted to be scritched while I was working, and he bonked his head into my mouse hand so hard that he moved a section of the report around. He could not have cared less, either; he was all, “Scratch the head! Now!”

  30. Ok, you totally nailed his expression lol, also I love the little x on his behind because it makes me think of that cat game that I downloaded because you recommended it.

  31. Brilliant! (Note: sometimes I say things in my head with a British accent so I sound more interesting.)

    I cannot draw as well as that, so I stick to my coloring books.

  32. Somedays I wish I hanged out with Ferris Mewler and the cat gang for the day. They are too funny. Ferris nails the “fuck you” looks all the time!

  33. How do you always bring a smile to my face, even during the times that you’re not feeling it yourself. Thank you.

  34. Enough people have asked for the t-shirts that I think you’re legally obligated to do them. Could I get a tote bag? I just wanna use it every time I’m taking shit over to a friend’s house (returning the mini crock pot, loaning a game, whatever). I’m picturing their faces as they try not to stare at my cat bag and just have a normal conversation, and it’s AWESOME. In my mind, I keep asking them for a glass of iced tea or something, and then moving the bag so they’re surprised by it anew when they return.

    I am an awful friend.

  35. I zillionth the tee shirt idea. And I send you love. Even in a dark place,you create something wonderful and increase the goodness in the universe. Love you.

  36. Wow, you really got his unimpressed/pissed off look down pat!

  38. My cat does that too. Seriously, don’t lick your butt in my peripheral vision and then glare at me when I look. Spot on drawing!

  41. Nailed his glare. My cat does this thing in the morning when he wants me to get up and fed him. He lays next to me putting his butt in my face cause he knows I hate it and will move him which wakes me up. The jerk.

  49. a fine drawing, to be sure, but the reason he wasn’t impressed is obvious (besides the fact that he’s a cat…). You left the M off. Every tabby has an M on his/her forhead. Just sayin’….

  50. Cats are just assholes sometimes. They remind me of my teenage boys! My cat’s name is Toonces. How come nobody knows who that is??? Was I the only one home every Saturday night in the 90’s watching SNL??????

  51. Nailed it indeed! I get that expression from my boy, Cool Hand Luke, when I force cuddles on him. I tell him I know he’s pissed, but that is price to be paid to the crazy cat lady that keeps him so pampered.

  52. Jenny, because I love you so dearly and you do so much to make my life better, I’m going to return the favor by sharing this profound video with you. It’s by comedian Mike Polk Jr. (FAVORITE comedian from here in Cleveland). Watch it, love it, join me in being addicted to everything this guy produces. https://youtu.be/kWEdMx87jn0

  53. Of course we all know the real story going on here is the cat thinking “get that drawing book off my damn cushion right now, or I start disassembling small creatures on the kitchen floor”.

  54. I just love this picture..reminds me of my dear little Spencer who is not here anymore…he always looked at me that way…

  55. My cat once took a poop on a drawing so I’d consider just getting a look a good review.

  56. I love Ferris Mewler, despite his glaring and swearing. He embodies every cat I have ever had, and makes me wish I still had one. You captured him perfectly.

  58. That last picture they have the EXACT same expression oh my god. I’m over her laughing in my corner cubicle but I can’t explain to anybody because I don’t think they’ll understand “Look at this spitting image of a cat annoyed that someone drew him cleaning his nonexistent junk!”

    And I think they already think I’m weird enough as it is…

  59. oh, he is PISSED… lol. my two boy cats do this all the time, too.

  60. Good job, although he looks like he’s doing some kind of weird cat gymnastics. I think that’s a back layout or something. Score of 10.

  65. I want that on a mug. A big one. Kudos for wresting beauty and laughter from your time of chaos!

  66. “Fuck you lady”. I swear my cat says that to me 10 times an hour.

  68. There’s already an emoji for your cat’s expression.
    😾
    So funny, I really do hope you turn it into a shirt.

  69. This is fabulous. You nailed the facial expression purrfectly! (I love puns) Jenny, after reading your first book, I was inspired to create my own blog. I love how open you are with your mental health, I think that’s what the world needs more of. Cats and those who are understanding with mental health.

  70. New idea for your store- and to keep your hands busy too, socks with your raccoon on each side. Please, please, please.
    Cats are OK but this would be my idea of absolutely the best wardrobe gift ever.

  71. Aaaaaaah! Priceless!
    Now I need a bowlderized version of your page so I can show my cat-crazy gradeschooler your wondrousness without upsetting her father by teaching her to curse like a sailor<\strike> like me.
    (I know bowlderized stuff isn’t quite the same…I devoured Greek mythology in grade school before realizing that they were rewritten for suburban sensibilities about what children should know. The silliest bit was that Persephone got into trouble for eating grapefruit wedges…)

  72. Obviously i just failed html 101. Feel free to delete that… here is take two, hopefully with that strikeout fixed.

    Aaaaaaah! Priceless!
    Now I need a bowlderized version of your page so I can show my cat-crazy gradeschooler your wondrousness without upsetting her father by teaching her to curse like a sailor like me.
    (I know bowlderized stuff isn’t quite the same…I devoured Greek mythology in grade school before realizing that they were rewritten for suburban sensibilities about what children should know. The silliest bit was that Persephone got into trouble for eating grapefruit wedges…)

  74. coughcoloringbookahem

    So cool. I can feel the icy judgemental stare. Brr…

    I hope you find the light soon. ❤

  75. It’s not weird at all that I know which of the menagerie, two Huskies, two cats, one Bassett Hound, are old souls and which are new. Nope, not weird at all……..

  77. Like many others posted, that needs to be a shirt. If you do make a shirt, please make it in fat sizes!

  79. Yes. I want to add to my Blogess collection! DO IT! xoxo and hope you are getting by ok!

  80. Cats! I love them! They are complete assholes but so lovable. I can’t wait for mine to grow up enough that I don’t have to spend every waking moment playing with her. Love the drawing! I’d like it as clipart. I would put it on all my snail mail envelopes. And maybe even as a screen saver. :o)

  81. Wow! Great drawing. I love it, even if Ferris didn’t. Obviously he does not appreciate great artistic talent.

  82. Hilarious. Cats always make you feel dumb. “Why did you just draw me cleaning myself? “. Haha.

  83. Umm, Jenny. Why is he wearing a fishnet on one of his paws?

  85. Can you show us the dismembered cat parts? Maybe we can rearrange them into new kitties to play with?!!?

  87. I must learn to -not- read your blog while I am sitting at the reference desk in a somewhat quiet library when I have an already loud guffaw.
    The shh-er becomes the shh-ed!
    Eh, you’re worth the awkward and hostile stares!

  90. This post has given me so much joy today. I heart you Jenny and Ferris Mewler. I hope the lights come back on soon till then I’ll keep a candle lit for you.

  91. If anybody was brave to get this as a tattoo, would you sign it?

  92. If only I could replicate that “i’m unamused, lady” look at work.
    Only without the awkward position and junk-licking…I mean, even if a person was boneless like a cat and could contort into any similar position without getting stuck and requiring an ambulance, that seems like something frowned upon behavior in the workplace.
    Or anywhere else.

  93. I love the sketch and Ferris’ reaction. In my experience as a feline behaviorist, that is the most impressed I’ve seen a cat look at a drawing.

  94. Not only did you capture his expression and inner annoyance perfectly but you just might have created the cover to your next book.

  99. I’m sorry to hear you’re struggling. I know it’s hard, but keep fighting those hands. Hang in there! Sending you thoughts of love and peace in your storm.

  102. Love the cat pic! But wait…by saying your hands are self-destructive, do you mean you pull your hair? Read and really enjoyed your first book, and sometimes read this site and quite often love it. Mostly I thought you were dealing with depression and anxiety? Do you also have trich? I ask because my daughter has it, and severe anxiety. But the depression came later, from trying to cope with the other 2. If you do have it, that is definitely a community that would love to hear more from you. She is starved for stories of how to cope with the fact one is stuck with a brain that does its owner disservice. She is 18 and will most likely not find a cure, but will be pulling her hair the rest of her life. I am definitely getting Furiousky Happy. Have always loved the cover and don’t know why I’ve waited this long to read it. Sorry to post something serious without a cat butt or something to lighten it up. (Btw, autocorrect just changed cat butt to carburetor on me. Just thought you’d like to know.) Thanks for being you and sharing.

  108. I’ve been forcing myself to draw each weekday. Drawing isn’t my strong point. It’s almost painful to make myself do it. But the results are improving all the time, and it gives me more confidence in my ability to control a handwriting implement. So, mission accomplished. Perhaps I should start drawing my attitude-filled cats, too. Might help me improve with drawing animals, which usually end up looking like aliens when I draw them now.

  113. Next time you need to smile come to Tucson. We have a wildlife museum I thi k you would love. And the animals don’t move. At all.

  114. More than a year old, but still the best description of cat/human communication ever:
    [credit commanderflowers & kinkshamer69]

    i wonder if my pets have like a proper language and when i try to speak back to them im just speaking jargon

    like for example my cat always speaks to me when I come home and i meow back to her and she’ll meow again & even though i don’t think twice about it to her it’s probably a situation where it’s like

    her, meowing: “im glad you’re home”

    me, meowing back: “tax benefits”

    her, meowing: “why do u always do this”

    cats actually have a human-specific language. cats don’t often meow at each other and seem to use subvocal communications that humans can’t hear to chat cat-to-cat. however, cats seem to use what humans would call “shout-until-you’re-understood” to speak to humans. so basically, it’s more like:

    “I’M GLAD YOU’RE HOME!”

    “tax benefits”

    “NO, I’M GLAD YOU ARE HOME”

    “waffle iron”

    “IT’S OKAY. I LOVE YOU TOO, MY DUMB HUMAN”

  115. Fenris — yes, a cat named after a wolf who brings down Ragnarok, what of it? — gives us that look when he’s cleaning his junk. Only, we call it his “ballspace” TM. He loves it when we call it that. I can just tell.

  116. Trust me, cats are better off without testicles (and we are too when they don’t have them) (spraying you know)

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  122. OMG you’ve captured his expression perfectly! Wow. Did you draw in pencil first or just straight to felt tip pen? It’s so neat and perfect! Your hands are super talented while being distracted.

  123. Keep going, Jenny. You won’t always feel lost or stuck. Keep going.

  130. Excellent likeness of Ferris, the expression is identical to his look in the last photo. Isn’t his butt-hole out of position? I don’t have cats anymore, but it looks a little of-center. Maybe? It must be like fingerprints, all assholes are different.

  131. I feel like that’s the exact same face I make to my husband when he says or does something extra stupid. I tell him that I’m setting him on fire with my eyes… slowly

  136. I just laughed at this so hard at my desk that I’m crying. Thanks.

  137. It looks just like him, Well done. I wish I could be as funny as you on my dark days. You might feel bad but you are pure sunshine to a lot of people.

  138. I saw the last picture and sang “NAILED IT!” to myself before I scrolled down to see you thought the same thing!

  140. You either did this sketch or at least posted it on my birthday, so THANK YOU, Jenny, for that awesome birthday present! I absolutely LOVE it!

    Frankly, it looks like you sketched my Smokey, anyway, who would definitely share Ferris’ expression if I were to attempt sketching him while he cleaned his junk. I love it, though, and that’s all that matters to me, at least.

  142. Something about the way you crosshatch shaded his face is just so awesome. I mean it’s simple, but simply perfect, and I don’t know why it impressed me so much. but I keep looking at it and thinking I could never do that.

  143. This is awesome. I love how you act and treat your cats as strange family members. LOVE IT. It’s truth.

    Also, the drawing is really good. It captures the full figured kitty veggimitating. So, I was casually looking at this drawing thinking, ” Dude, Buckwheat used to do that. ” and I started missing my deceased bestie. But then I saw it. It was fabulous and hilarious……. The little, tiny “x” for his booty shoot was just staring at me. Fucking hilarious.

  144. I laughed out loud at an inappropriate place and time when I read this. So perfect!

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