Pokemon Go is making it weird.

in Random Crap

So, Pokemon Go just sent out an update that lets your trainer appraise your pokemons (Pokemen?  Pokemi?) and that seems nice, except that I rename all of my creatures so this happened:

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Umm…thank you?

 

143 thoughts on “Pokemon Go is making it weird.”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Most hilarious names I’ve seen all day for pokémon GO. I’ve been very slack and don’t play anywhere nearly enough.

  9. Do you have a Licketung yet???? You don’t even need to rename that one. I’m amazed it even exists.

  10. Made the mistake of reading this while drinking a delicious beer. Madeit to ‘sad blow job’ before the choking fit.

  13. lol…thank you for this! Time to get creative as all of mine still have their original names and that is so boring!

  16. Read this to my husband and his only problem with this was “shouldn’t that be louse”

  17. Freakin’ A, I am so glad I don’t live in your ‘hood. I would HATE to go up against your Big Chubby. It’s just too big.

    (My big chubby is a little intimidating. ~ Jenny)

  21. This update is going to make me name more Pokémon.

    I already renamed my Likitung “Mom”, so this is gonna be great. (Your Mom)
    Also Cloyster named “Hairy Clam”…. oooooooh guess what I’m doing after wok.

  25. I wish my ovaries were more that motivated. Mostly they watch Netflix.

  28. Oh man, you have me doing the squeaky desperate trying-to-stay-silent laugh at my desk.

  33. Laughing so hard I can’t see. This one’s in my top five. Thank you, thank you!!

  37. Totally hilarious! I must spread the joy of ‘sad blow job’ and share this with friends. Thank you for the laugh!!

  38. Isn’t the plural of Pokemon “Pokepotemi?”

    Also: really, spellcheck?? You let me get away with that but you autocorrect every other damn word I use??

  39. I tried to convince The Viking that we should play Pokémon Go but he said, and I quote “FUCK THAT!!” because he doesn’t like me to have fun while I’m with him. But Mim plays and I am so sending this to her. She’ll pee her pants laughing and I really like making her pee her pants.

  45. My daughter found this kid with a high pitched icepick to the brain voice on YouTube singing a song about “I love PokemonGo” and so now it plays in my head whenever I see the words PokemonGo. I may have to go off the grid.

  47. OMG that is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time.Your ovary does simply amaze us all.

  48. I haven’t checked in here in a very long while… Omg lol and holy… Yes you are still my people.

  52. On my Lord, this makes me want to start playing, just so I can make up fun names!

  55. That was awesome! You have the best Pokémon names and your trainer’s advice was hysterical. I needed this today.

  57. I am very happy that you have a Big Chubby. I am jealous. I haz no Big Chubby. Can I take yours for a while? It’s so big! Also, I am happy that your lice is the biggest she has ever seen. Good job there. But the school nurse just called me and said I have to pick you up. them things is wicked contagious. Who knew?

    What about Choked Chicken or Skin Lizard?

  59. I never get this lucky! No trainer has shown up yet to encourage me into hysterics. But then again, I haven’t been nearly as creative naming my Pokemon!

  60. My appraisal was similar to a sad visit to the gynecologist:

    “Let’s take a look at your Angry Vagina, shall we?”
    “Overall your Angry Vagina simply amazes me. It can accomplish anything!”
    “Your Angry Vagina is gigantic – the largest I’ve ever seen!”

  62. I am reminded of a certain SNL skit with Molly Shannon, Ana Gasteyer and Alec Baldwin…

  66. So silly question…how do you actually get a trainer? I’ll admit I finally broke down and downloaded it since my pedometer was becoming negative reinforcement (not enough steps = bad human) but beyond picking a team I’m still in the wander around and catch stuff phase (apparently there’s more to it?). Not as creative either apparently….

    (Click on where you transfer. It’ll let you choose “appraise”. ~ Jenny)

  70. I’m just crying in laughter. The names you chose are so wrong/right, but the commentary back is fantastic. Pokémon Go is winning, but Jenny Lawson won, y’all!

  71. That was awesome and exactly what I needed on an otherwise crappy day!! Thank you!

  76. Omg that’s so amazing. I loooooove it. I work in customer service (theme park store) and when people come in and I notice them playing Pokemon go I ask if I can rename their Pokemon. Almost all say yes and I give them random wackadoodle names like the bat one is dingbat. I can’t wait for when they get these messages bawhahaha. Ps this is all your fault I got the idea to rename them from you lol. Thanks for giving everyone so much joy in life we really owe you.

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  80. For weeks while my partner and I tried to find Grimer, we called him Free Hugs because of your post (and we didn’t know the real name). It is all your fault.

    Now— well. Um. I’m not going to use any of THOSE names in public. But in private, I’ll laugh hysterically.

  82. This is almost enough to make me play PokemonGo (if only I weren’t opposed to getting a smartphone).

  83. Seems awfully invasive, and frankly I don’t want anyone judging my Smelly Balls except me!

    OMG Sad Blow Job made me laugh hysterically and I may have woken a child. I do not want to have to explain this to anyone!! HAHAHA

  86. You simply MUST post a list of all your Pokemon names … the world needs to know!

  88. Haha 😀

    Someone posted a demonstration of what the trainers comments mean, stat wise. Underneath one of the comments read “Thanks for this – and also thanks for not using a pokemon named after genitals” and I thought, oh! I’m not the only person doing this then <.< >.>

    I um, haven’t figured out how to take screenshots on my phone, but some snippets of mine “Hi Kalindrea! Let’s take a look at your Wet Pussy, shall we?” – Vaporeon, ofc. “Your Bellend is so tiny, I almost didn’t notice it!” – Victreebell. “Your Purple Dong is rather sizeable, that’s for sure!” – Ekans.

    (yep, childish, no, not sorry :p)

  94. Holy Magikarp! After my crazy morning (rather literally), I definitely needed this laugh. “Let’s take a look at your smelly balls” is probably something every doctor has wanted to say to a male patient getting a physical.

  98. Its stats indicate that in battle your sad blow job will get the job done… And that’s really all we’re asking for, isn’t it?

  99. OMG, hilarious! I love how just one ovary is so accomplished. Just think how powerful both of them are together!😂

  101. Wow! I am truly amazed by your sense of humor. I love it! I am officially a fan. You’re an inspiration to my journey in blogging. I enjoy your straight forward personality. I hope to connect with you sometime and pick your brains.

  104. Thanks! Also thanks if you managed to magic it onto my phone (So no kidding they must have just pushed the update to my phone…been transferring all day and had only 2 options and now appraise is there). The blue gal (I think?) seems fairly unimpressed with mine (though “the size of your lapras is…colossal” is an interesting use of ellipses (sis? One of the two anyway)

  108. I don’t know if anyone said this yet but being that I don’t have the attention span to read through EVERY comment…
    There’s a funny video on YouTube geared towards people playing Pokemon Go and the guy makes up new names and gets them all wrong and such to piss off the girl that actually enjoys Pokemon things. They aren’t nearly as awesome as these names but I think you would enjoy it.
    Also, there’s promise of kittens being shipped out in the back of Furiously Happy and as much as having a 6th cat in a two bedroom apartment is a bad idea….I want it. Can we make that happen?

    I also suffer from anxiety and my thoughts and words running a mile a minute. Thank you for showing me it’s ok to be who I am and then write it down and make it a book haha 🙂

  110. Found this video right after reading your last Pokemon Go post about all the rattatas. This about sums it up: https://youtu.be/1siO-j7WHjA
    (Be careful though, once you listen you’ll get the damn song in your head every time you see another rattata)

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  112. A friend changed Tangela to pubic hair! Guess I better start renaming mine too!! These are hilarious!!

  114. One (or more!) of these trainer sayings needs to be put on a T-shirt in your shop!

  115. It’s like modern Mad Libs. Kids today NEED this to stimulate their creativity. You should go out RIGHT NOW and teach elementary school. I’d send my kids, even though one’s a junior and the other’s in college. I think they have much to learn. (throws respect glitter)

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  122. Is it wrong that I’m immediately sending this post to my 16 year-old son? I’m dying, he will too.

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  124. hahahahahahahahahaha – I LOVE the names you chose. Why, you ask? I would have picked the exact same ones! Priceless!

  126. I’ve no idea of you’ll read this, but thank you so 7, I really needed the laugh this gave me!
    I know I can come to your blog and find a place that will lighten my brain for a while.

  128. I don’t GO but I certainly enjoy your adventures. My husband GOes but doesn’t tweak the game, so he also doesn’t share his cool stuff. He should learn to share, dammit.

  129. See now that is nearly enough to get me to play Pokemon Go. I’m still waiting for the ghost/monster/horror version, because I’d be ALL ABOUT walking through scary places at night looking for terrifying things on my phone. I’d be a zombie shambling about in my own syfy movie.

  133. You could not have planned any better for this. Thank you, Jenny. I really needed this laugh today. 🙂

  139. I renamed my Tentacruel to “Alien Sex Toy”. “Your AlienSexToy is smaller than average”… oh?

  141. OK, my husband just informed me he got a Sad Blow Job in the Tractor Supply parking lot Saturday night and I totally blame you, Jenny.

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