The man really is a saint. But he’s killing me slowly.

in Random Crap

A conversation I just had with Victor where I respond entirely in gifs and we still don’t get divorced.

Victor:  Are you awake?

200w_d-1

Wake up.

tenor-1

Listen.  I need you to take your anti-anxiety meds and come be social with a bunch of very nice strangers.

raw-4

It’s for a holiday party.

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It’s for my work.

raw-3Cocktail attire.

raw-5

So you need to fly to South Carolina to meet me.

raw-6

It’s this weekend so you need to leave tomorrow.

raw-8

And pack some clothes for me too and pack something warm for Hailey.

200w_d-4

I assume you have enough meds to last you through Monday?  If not, call and get them filled now.

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And get a pet sitter for the animals.

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I think you might be overreacting.

raw-9

You’ll like it.  The party will have food.

200_d-2

And there will be cocktails.

200w_d-6

You’ll have a good time.

200w_d-15

I will be happy if you are there.

raw-12

And later we can take Hailey to see an aquarium.

200w_d-9

Or go ghost hunting.

giphy

So, okay?

200w_d-7

And I won’t make you leave the house on New Year’s Eve.

200w_d-16

200w_d-17

Don’t freak out.  Everyone will like you.

200_d-3

Just be yourself.

tenor-2

You are so weird.

tenor

I know.

raw-13

I love you too, weirdo.

tenor-3

WTF?

200w_d-5

200w_d-10

You’re not trash.

200w_d-11

It’s fine.  Just stop freaking out.

raw-17

I know.  I’ll pick you up at the airport.

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You’re welcome.

raw-19

Don’t go back to sleep.
 200w_d-13

See you soon.

200w_d-19

WHAT.

unknown

 

257 thoughts on “The man really is a saint. But he’s killing me slowly.”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. This has to be one of your best Jenny. I think Victor is an amazing bloke. I’m sure he’s not trying to do your head in. Have a good one.

  5. It’s good to know that my husband & I are not the only ones who have conversations exactly like this.

  6. Love you, Jenny! You will have a fantastic time with Victor. And think of all the cool creatures you’ll see at the aquarium! Like squids! 🙂

  7. ::chuckle:: This was the best. I’m now wondering why I don’t communicate solely using gifs. Seems like a good idea!

  8. my favorite. If only I could communicate from under the covers with my spouse that way

  10. Couples do develop a unique language that allows them to talk to each other no matter how nuts other people think they are.

  11. You really must indicate NSFW on these posts. It’s hard to laugh discreetly in an office building. And this is perhaps the best conversation of all time.

  15. Oh Jenny, how I love you, my strange dear friend whom I’ve never met in real life but who saved my life that time.

  16. Ah animated GIF’s, the foundation of any successful marriage. I honestly struggle how people used to be able to communicate without them!

  17. I’ve never posted to this because I thought I needed an account. See what I get for reading? Lol. This was so funny!! You are so lucky to have Victor. Hope you have a great trip.

  19. You make me laugh through my tiredness. /slightly hysterical laughter/ Thank you.

  22. LOL! If you’re going to the aquarium in Charleston, I highly recommend it – we got a behind-the-scenes tour there and it was really fascinating.

  24. hey I think I had this conversation with my husband about his work party… minus the flying to South Carolina part that is. You are nicer than me though because I refuse to agree to any such thing. I just sort of raised my eyebrow at him and went “hmmm”. I assume he knows that means “hell no”.

  26. I’ve never posted to this because I thought I needed an account. See what I get for reading? Lol. This was so funny!! You are so lucky to have Victor. Hope you have a great trip.

  27. Aaaahahahahaha… I so get you!!! I’ve sent my BFF more than one email of interpretive images! Glad it’s not just me! 😉 (If the mood is right, I can sometimes pull off entire conversations with lines from popular songs, also). 🙂

  28. I laughed so hard through this entire thing! I think gifs should constitute their own language, because I’m fairly fluent.

  30. Excellent conversation! Victor loves you so much! This social interaction shit’s hard but you’ll get through it……..with Victors and Haileys love!!
    Be strong Sweet Lady!

  31. Two things: First, I LOVE the conversation, both that you responded entirely in gifs and that Victor not only didn’t get annoyed, but knew exactly what you were saying. Second, what an asshole social anxiety is, that it can make someone as universally loved as you paralyzed by fear when faced with a holiday party. I would LOVE to be at a holiday party with you (even if it meant hanging out in the bathroom or hiding under a desk)!

  34. There is nothing quite so sweet as cancelled plans. But if you must go through with it, staying home on New Year’s Eve is about as good a consolation prize as can be had.

  36. I have similar conversations with my husband. When I show him your blog he just laughs and says he understands Victor.

  38. I had a similar conversation with my therapist. (Minus the booty call of course!)

  39. Thank you for the LAUGH OUT LOUD! Wish i could be your pet sitter but havent been “vetted” and live hours away in FW. Have as much fun as the law allows!

  40. Omg best conversation and I would have responded with gifs too and the same gifs. Jenny you really are my sprit animal. I heart you so much. Thanks for being you. Also they will love you because ur awesmazing!!!

  41. This is amazing. I love to respond in gif’s and this has made me want to do that even more. You are definitely the master. I love you and your weird husband and super-awesome daughter. You made my day, since it’s been a rough week.

  42. An introvert’s worst nightmare – a holiday party! Those GIFs describe the feelings exactly! But, Victor, this means you owe Jenny BIG! I hope there’s something stuffed in her stocking for Christmas. Dope up and have a grand time, luv!

  45. Best thing on the internet today. You are one of my favorite people. Thank you!

  48. Oh, my God, I am dying. So flipping funny. Can we get this on the news, or the fake news, or wherever it will have the biggest impact? Oh, yeah. Here. Brilliant.

  50. Perfection. Hahahahaha!

    Thank you for perfectly capturing the thought process when a Tigger-y spouse insists on roping an Eeyore-y partner into socializing.

    Love the tactics at work here, too — “there will be cocktails…” “we can take Hailey to the aquarium…” “or go ghost hunting…”

    That man knows you well.

    Well played, Victor…well played.

  51. That is hilarious. I’m lol’ing at work and I’m sure everyone thinks I’m a freak. You’re the best 🙂

  53. Actually laughed out loud which kicked me into a coughing fit because I am getting over an upper respiratory infection. So you literally took my breath away with that post. You almost murdered me, Jenny! Eh, I enjoyed it though, so I won’t press charges. 😉

  56. EXACTLY how I feel about our “company dinner” this week. You mean I have to come out of my office? The “BIG BOSS” will be there? I have to show up for a work function AFTER WORK? Yeah, you see, I have big plans to change into my jammies and marathon the new Gilmore Girls show on Netflix so I’ll have to pass on that. I can’t? Really? Can I just quit then?

  57. I’m literally laughing out loud at this gif-ersation. Also, it would take me 17 hours to even find ONE response-appropriate gif, so I admire your mad skillz.

    And just think: NO leaving the house for New Year’s! WOOT!

  58. This was amazing! My husband deals with this constantly! I respond in gif form all the time. Luckily he loves me and understands my need to just use pictures to communicate sometimes.

  60. Whenever my day is blah, or I feel like my head is about to explode, I look for your blog post. I’ve been coming here for over a year now, and I just want to say – Thanks so much for the 🙂 ! This one was particularly awesome on a particularly $#!* day.

  64. Jenny if you are coming to Charleston I’d love to meet you! You can come to my safe house where my husband with crippling anxiety lives with our crazy family and animals!

  65. You put a lot of work into your responses. If you didn’t exist, the universe would have to create you, or be a very sad, sad place! Love you, Jenny!

  69. Oh my goodness!! I wish I had half your funny!!! This is the best thing on the internet today.

    Victor should teach a class on how to be married to broken people. I would send my hubby in a heartbeat.

  70. The art of negotiation is needed for LIFE, not for business but for a successful relationship!

  71. brilliant! I really need to up my gif game. The gif collection: It is like having a communication board for the socially disabled.

  73. Ok. Now I need to start having GIF conversations with my other half. The next time she rants at me, I’m sending a GIF back. You’ll be able to see the mushroom cloud that goes up in response from most of western Europe.

  74. I love that you sent a chicken hug gif and his response was “I know.”

    THAT’S a solid relationship.

  75. The fact that you could have that conversation is evidence that you have married an effing awesome person. Good job, you! (And good job Victor. There really should be awards for being a good partner.)

  77. That completely made my day! And I am glad you are going to the party (and that you get to stay in at New Years (we can all play on Twitter for New Years – It will be festive.))

  79. Hahaha. Love it. It’s true though… there will be food and cocktails. If you keep your mouth full at all times you won’t even need to talk to anyone!

  80. I live in South Carolina. I was born and raised in South Carolina. I know South Carolina. You must trust me on this one, little rabbit: there is nothing in this state that is worth the trouble of a plane ride. But shit, nobody listens to me.

  84. I have to stop reading your blogs at work….the laughing, snorting and crying draw attention to me.

  88. South Carolina?! COME! You can sneak away from the scary crowds of people and bring your sweet girl to play with my crazy kids–and dogs–and cat–and chickens! (This is intended as a totally non-stalker invitation, BTW. I just hate holiday parties and feel your pain. Except for my book club gang, who will be drinking merrily at my house Friday night. Come on over! We’ll be wearing fleecy PJs, drinking lots, eating tons of yummy food…and perhaps talking about the book, if anyone actually read it this month. Just sayin’–you have an escape plan if it gets too stressful!) Safe travels!

  89. Your conversations with Victor are my favorite posts. That you answered entirely in GIFs is the cheese on the taco.

  93. OH MY GAWD CANT STOP LAUGHING!!! Victor really is a saint. I am so afraid to let my husband know all the details of my depression and anxiety. I’m so afraid he won’t be able to understand it. I’m super lucky I have found a therapist that I just clicked with and have been working very hard for almost two years with. My dear hubs is still hanging on through the severe highs and lows thus far but we don’t talk about my insanity at all.

  96. I am sitting at a bus stop among a large group of people and I am laughing so hard that I’m crying, but no sound is coming out so my face is all red, so basically I look like a choking and crying tomato. YOU DID THIS TO ME AND I LOVE IT!!

  98. Oh god I needed that laugh today. My anxiety is ramped up the last few days and my brain is not functioning. It’s good to know there are people on here that understand. Much love Jenny! You help me through the rough patches even when you don’t know you do.

  99. Dude. If you are coming down to SC, you must go eat at Jestine’s Kitchen. I promise. Take the drugs and go – Jestine’s is worth it. And the place is super chill anyways. And if you see a line to get in that comes out the front door and goes down the street and around the corner, don’t worry. It moves faster than you might think. 🙂

  101. “I know I said I would carpool the neighborhood kids to soccer this week, but I have to fly to South Carolina for a cocktail party and then take my daughter ghost hunting”.

    Yeeeeaaah, the other moms will totally understand 🙂

  105. LMFAO.. that was too funny. I usually don’t comment..just stalk..but had to after that post.

  106. This was amazing, thanks for the laughs. Hold out for the aquarium and ghost hunting please.

  107. OMG, I think you’re inside my head! I’m already having panic attacks about an event in April! Love you Jenny!

  111. I had a gif conversation with my husband, too. Gifs cover the gamut of feelings so much better than actual words.

    I would get the New Years Eve thing in writing, though. He might forget what he promised.

    Have fun in SC! If I were closer, I would come and see you! Come to Knoxville so I can show you my zoo and you can meet a 150-year-old tortoise and a penguin who is not that old but is still cool. For a bird.

  114. Well if you just woke up. at least you didn’t have to talk…good way to communicate….think I will start using it and maybe Trump should top…

  117. Bwwahahahaha Victor. I betcha you had him at ” at food & cocktails ” but being the typical guy, he just wanted to be difficult.

  118. Are you coming to Charleston? Are you? Are you? (jumping up and down). Don’t even need to interact but will just be furiously happy that my favorite celebrity is in the same town!

  120. This collection of gifs represents my reactions whenever I am asked to go anywhere at all that requires people and dressing up. The struggle is real.

  128. Relationship goals. <3 Actually, I wish someone would fly to me, then fly with me from Seattle to North Carolina so I could see my adult sons. It’s like I need a babysitter. I can’t even imagine doing all of that stuff and then having to go to a party and act like I’m enjoying it.

  130. That is the funniest fucking thing I have read. Now, if I could only communicate this way with my work colleagues….

  135. I have to go to my husband’s work thing tomorrow night and this is so totally me! And I don’t even have to fly across the country or do all of the freakin’ planning so I can leave town with a child.

  137. Have I mentioned that I love your marriage? Because I do. Clearly your next book needs to be the two of you teaching us how you do it. You know, something like The Muggle and the Maniac: Making it Work (a love story). My husband needs some of Victor’s lessons in understanding and accepting your crazy wife as she is.

  140. Bloggess provided Sunshine on this cloudy day. Tears of joy from laughing so hard. Thank you!

  144. Brilliant. Love your humor. Love your relationship with Victor. Love you. Made my day. Good luck on your field trip.

  145. These are exactly how I would exchange texts with my husband…
    …if I had a husband.
    [insert forever alone gif]

  147. Oh my gosh, this is so AWESOME!!! Even though he’s always wrong, I do feel for Victor. My hubbers is long-suffering as well, but I’m not anywhere near as talented as you are.

    Have fun at the aquarium!

  148. I like how he said “nice strangers”. There’s nothing nice about strangers! Doesn’t your husband know about stranger danger!!! Yes, that still applies when you’re over 35.

  149. F.U.N.N.Y! I finally figured out how to use GIFs and where to find them and now I’m driving my daughter nuts. She deserves it. She was a terrible child to raise. Well….maybe not terrible….but certainly difficult beyond normal. Parents are allowed to do that, right? Drive them nuts? I love you and Victor.

  150. I laughed out loud several times. You are so weird but in a totally hilarious way. Thanks for existing in the world as we know it now.

  151. i need you in my life every day.

    because every day, i want to stab a stranger in the side with a spork.

    but then, you make me laugh.

    and the day gets a bit more bearable.

    thanks girl.

  160. My boyfriend is getting a Ph.D which makes him think that using his brain for relationship purposes is a waste of time. Sometimes, the smarter they are they more useless they become.

  163. Good luck with the clothes and the pet baking? fostering? kenneling? JENNY what are you doing to my vocabulary. (PET BAKING?) and the getting to the airport and things. I’m still back here at “log into Amazon and buy the presents.” God I hope I still have time for delivery.

  164. Pure genious. I swear I can’t even imagine life without you in it somewhere.

  165. This is SOOOOO all that!! Every single gif is JUST RIGHT ON. And, Victor still loves you. And we, all your readers, love him – and you too!

  166. I wish I was as fluent in GIF-speak as you are, Jenny. Brava, and have an excellent non-freakout weekend 🙂

  167. I’m not going to the party either! Especially if there will be people there. You can’t make me. My husband will have to go alone to his boss’s party. (When I was a teenager I hid in the girl’s room from my boyfriend when we went to a school dance.)

  168. Where do you all find these gifs????? This conversation was perfect. Thank you Jenny for sharing.

  170. Hilarious! This may be your best work yet. Forget Victor’s awfully awkward work party and come hang out with my chickens and I. Introverts unite!

  172. This is the most funniest thing I’ve ever seen! You two are so adorable!

  173. Love this. I hate traveling because it means having to figure out who can take my dogs, but when it works it works.

    Also that walking octopus with the nopes cracks me up

  175. You have an amazing knack for picking the perfect gifs to express yourself. Victor is lucky to have you, and you him. Enjoy your trip!

  176. Pingback: Funnies Picture Thread - What you found ? (NSFW R rated) - Page 266

  178. That’s hilarious, I love it. It must be nice to have someone to have gif conversations with.

  179. Your gif conversation is funny and perfect! You’ll be fine. Just carry a notebook at all times to jot down things for your blog (or draw) and become so focused on it that people won’t approach you.

  181. Quick access to GIFs has drastically changed the text conversations between my mom, sister and I. My sister and I find the most ridiculous things we can and our mother has resorted to “making her own GIF” which is a three second video of her yelling, “Stop it!”

  185. Was going to comment, thought better of it and deleted before commenting, then thought better about thinking better, so.. just hi instead of original comment. Hi is safe…ish.. you’re welcome for the stream of thought… back to my corner I go.

  189. I so needed that laugh right now. My husband has been out of work since May and unemployment is about to run out with no new job in sight yet. I am on oxygen so it is kind of difficult for me to find work. He and I both struggle with depression, as does our 22 year old daughter who lives with us. The election went the wrong way. And our 11 1/2-year-old dog isn’t doing well. Probably taking her to the vet tomorrow to see if there is anything that can be done or if it is just old age. So yeah, anything that makes me laugh is so very much needed. Thank you. (I don’t usually complain to strangers online but today has been a tough one.)

  190. I take back every negative thing I’ve ever said about Victor. (I haven’t really said anything negative, but you get the idea.) Victor is absolutely amazing and the perfect husband for somebody with anxiety and other issues. ❤️

  191. I just hurt myself laughing. Like, I’m middle-aged (how the fuck did that happen?) and I pulled a muscle while laughing.

    Fuck.

  192. RELATIONSHIP. GOALS.

    You give me hope that one day someone will understand how weird I am and love me anyway (and maybe because of it… at least a little).

  193. YES. Jenny, you are a treasure as is Victor. I love this. Btw YOU are a saint for being such a great wife for doing all that! You’re making me look bad. No, seriously, you are. Btw my husband i have been together for a total 8 years… we communicate via singing at each other, bark affectionately “woof” at each other, and quote Mystery Science Theatre and Riff Track quotes at each other. Love is a many splendid (and weird) thing huh?

  196. OMG. I completely relate to this. My wife and I have had similar conversations this way. Thank God for her patience with me.

  197. Hahahahaha! I was freaking out yesterday about someone wanting me to write…even though I already do, I was like, “THIS IS TERRIBLE AND I SUCK OMG WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS TO ME?” My husband replied with about 15 motivational memes. The fucker.

  199. “I will be happy if you are there.”
    made me smile because I JUST got the same text from my husband last night about a Christmas party next weekend where I asked if he could take a friend. and his reply was the same as your husbands!

  201. Wait just a fucking second…. ghost hunting…. aquarium…. ARE YOU COMING TO CHARLESTON?!?! Because I live here and you’re my go-to inspiration when anxiety is slowly drowning me and this has been a particularly bad week and knowing that you’re in my town would make my heart happy and happiness makes me less anxious. In short, I really hope you’re coming to Charleston.

  202. This made my morning. I can’t wait to do this to my husband! And maybe my Best friend too!

  204. Oh, that was hilarious! Thank you for sharing! I wish I could be so creative. Well done! And have a good trip!

  205. HA! This sounds like a conversation between my husband and me. My husband and I. Whatever; this was one of your best! Have as good of a time as you can (I’m freezing my tits off today and am secretly jealous you are going to SC…)

  206. Not sure why he wouldn’t just open with “there will be drinks.”
    Also, THAT SECOND TO LAST GIF WILL HAUNT MY DREAMS.

  209. I love this so very much. I even shared it with my physical therapist (and his reaction confirms he belongs in the tribe!)

  211. We all should be so lucky to have a Victor in our life to make us do things we may not want to.

  214. This is the best! Sometimes my husband and I text only using emoji but this is SO much better!! 🙂

  217. That was hilarious!!!!
    This is the best blog ever to read in the morning. My whole day will go better after those laughs. THANKS!!

  218. Sadly, I did not see this yesterday when my husband was dragging me to a Christmas work party…with required white elephant gifts. Noooooooooo! Get dressed pretty, go out (in the cold & snow) and talk to near strangers, eat foods that may trigger my allergies, AND bring 2 presents?!? Oh the humanity!!!

  219. May I highly recommend Ashley on the Cooper for your ghost hunt? Tell her Two Fat Cooks sent you. http://ashleyonthecooper.com/

    I would also like to offer some of the best brownies you’ve ever had, chocolate = therapy in my world.

  220. Jenny, you are my spirit animal. I too have done this. To perfect strangers. While internet dating. Good test of tolerance. 🙂 Have fun in SC. It’s beautiful and an aquarium will make the party worth it.

  222. Oh I love this! LOL The gifs are just so appropriate here! And Victor’s responses, he is one good man! Have fun at the aquarium!

  226. First of all, that chicken meme?? The chicken is ACTUALLY hugging the kid! It’s little neck moves in and everything!!!! I have a new appreciation for chickens. (I’m also going to use the swiggety swooty meme to end any difficult text conversation from now on.) I’m really proud of you. I love Christmas but it is also balls for mental health. If it all gets too hard just hide in the toilet for a while. Or be like ‘my child needs me!!’ and make a French exit. What are children for if not to serve as excellent excuses for leaving parties early? ;-p

  227. Pingback: Should I stay or should I go – Inane Chatter

  231. I’m in South Carolina!! (Jumping up and down and Kermit flailing.) Where’s the party? I will come be weird with you and protect you from the close talkers, too perfumey women, and over inquisitive strangers. Just kidding, we are a warm, loving and laid back people here in SC. The Aquarium is super! Hailey will love it.

  235. Pingback: The man really is a saint. But he’s killing me slowly. – elizabethsadhu

  238. For like two weeks after the election, I only communicated via gifs. I get it. I thought I was alone.

  240. I actually said these words to my husband yesterday “Well I guess if Jenny can get on a plane and go to South Carolina for her husband’s party, I can get in the car with you in and drive 30 minutes to yours.”

  243. i just read your chapter on social anxiety & the halloween party in your first book. so this was fresh for me. i would totally be wooed by the promise of food & cocktails.
    once, before i forced myself to learn to speak, i was at a party with a “boyfriend” and the girl he would later marry said to him, “does she do anything other than smile?” in the most awful way possible.
    he later dumped me for her.
    i fucking hope they are happy together. fuckers.

  244. The last time I laughed out loud, that hard, at a bar surrounded by actual people was the first time I read your book

  245. You crack me up!
    I imagine lightening fast fingers insta-responding and confusing the hell of the poor St Victor.

  247. That was really good. Me and my wife have a similar conversation at least once a week with slightly less gifs. Kudos to the both of you.

  248. I admire people who seem to have a GIF for every occasion…must stock up. I’ve only been following your blog for six weeks or so, but I’ve bought and read both of your books and feel like I know you better than I know some of my own family. (And like you better than some of them!)

  250. That conversation is epic. But all the things you had to do?! Eep! I’d want to run and hide and never come out.

  254. “You’ll have a good time”
    “Not if there will be people” <– It’s me. Every. Single. Time.

  257. Pingback: #25 of All the Things – All The Things I've Learned and Love

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