Google knows me better than I know myself.

Last time I googled “Jenny Lawson likes” google auto-suggested “to fart for you” but those auto-suggestions change every few weeks based on what people are searching for so I thought I’d check to see what Google is thinking about me at the moment.

I thought I’d check “Jenny Lawson was” but before I even finished google gave me this:

f

JENNY LAWSON WASTELAND.  I’m not sure if this is a place or an insult.

d

Wow.  Straight to the lady garden.

c

Aw.  Apparently Google knows me after all.

PS.  Hang on. I just remembered that last time I didn’t use my last name.  Let’s try it again:

d

Well at least I’m consistent.

84 replies. read them below or add one

  1. “Lady garden” will always crack me up. Also, if you want to, you can fart for me anytime. Thanks in advance. 🙂

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Everyone knows that only your full name is your true google result.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I’d try this but I’m terrified of the results. I Googled myself and got some science team somewhere that had named themselves “in Memoriam” of me. Granted, I have a pretty common name, but still. Creepy.

    Like

    Kelly and Geoff recently posted Lily Tomlin was right. No matter how cynical you get, it’s impossible to keep up..

  4. But did you check the images for “Jenny Lawson lady garden”? Pretty disappointing.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. wasteland hmmm….
    Off topic, but the closer we all get to Friday the more I want to build my pillow fort and live in it for a while. Just me and the kitties. Anyone else feeling that way? I have the extra added pleasure of living just a few miles outside of D.C. (In Alexandria, Virginia). sigh

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I admire the consistent level of fart liking for others that you have achieved.

    Like

  7. We can band together and pound on google until jenny likes something else entirely. Let’s be creative, people.

    Like

  8. It sort of makes me want to google preposterous questions with your name in it, just to skew the results. Just a little bit. OK a lot. Come on, it’s worth a shot to ask everyone to Google “Jenny Lawson likes pickle ice cream.” just to see if we can break google.

    Liked by 6 people

  9. I am too to be honest…

    Like

  10. I’m always happy if someone farts for me, as opposed to farting on me or at me 😜

    Liked by 1 person

    Gary Lum recently posted When Twitter confounds @NotQuiteNigella.

  11. I apparently now like coffee (actually, Google, I quit coffee and thanks for the reminder of how much I miss caffeine), and you (I don’t know, Google. To which “you” are you referring? Because there are a lot of “yous” out there that I don’t like. At. All.).

    Also, apparently, I was barren, sitting in a seat at a baseball game, and ninety years old. Um…I hate baseball and while I may feel like I’m 90 after a tough gym workout while hungover (happens more than I should admit), I’m not quite that old yet. I don’t have kids, though, so that’s something.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. #breakgoogle lol

    Liked by 1 person

  13. Hmm. Maybe Google has plans for you to go to Washington, D.C. for a knitting conference. Where you and many radical knitters create colorful hand-knit lady gardens as a protest. I think you should watch out for Google.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Mine just likes to change the spelling of my name from JennI, to JennY. It’s not the same google. Jerks.

    Like

  15. I’m afraid to do this but I jut might. May make for my own amusing blog post. Thanks for the idea, Jenny (who likes to…)

    Like

    Ann St. Vincent recently posted I can still get really angry – at Tony.

  16. I do not recommend yarn beanies in Washington, D.C. It’s supposed to be up to 60 something degrees twice this week.
    Every time I type “Jecca Vee likes” Google tries to complete it with “like me,” which has me slightly concerned about being SWFed by a search algorithm.

    Like

    jeccav recently posted Haunted Maraca, Barely Used..

  17. 17
    ocularnervosa

    All it gave me was Twitter results. I am nothing without Twitter. I Tweet therefor I am.

    Like

  18. I have a friend that attends Wasteland every year. From what I gather it is like a comic con but done in the desert doing all the post apocalyptic stuff. Looks a lot like a Mad Max scene. So it is a location. In Arizona.
    It might also be a state of mind after a drinking binge.

    Like

  19. Hysterical- interested in checking this out for myself lol!!

    Like

  20. I dunno. I love your work, but I don’t need you to fart for me. I don’t think. I mean, maybe I do. Maybe your farts are different from mine. Which I guess they are, because if they weren’t that would be weird.

    Never mind.

    Like

    Michelle recently posted Do You Like Pina Coladas? Getting Caught In The Rain?.

  21. You like me! You really like me! Google says so.

    Like

    OwnLessDoMore.us recently posted There’s no place like home when home is, like, no place.

  22. I get Alan likes lyrics and Alan likes sheet music. If I do was I get wasps. I don’t want wasps

    Liked by 1 person

    theycallmetater recently posted A brief synopsis of my boring life.

  23. I think you should pursue this further with:

    “Jenny doesn’t like….”
    “Jenny thinks that’s a good….”
    “Jenny believes pinheads are…”

    Of course, that could go on for a very, very long time….you might want to pack a lunch.

    Like

  24. I tried “Nancy loves” and got “Nancy loves Sluggo” – which makes sense if you are really old. So yes, Google knows me.

    Liked by 1 person

    notquiteold recently posted Tuna.

  25. LOL Thanks for the laugh, Jenny.

    Like

    mommatrek recently posted My son the alien.

  26. As long as it’s FOR me and not ON me. Google makes it sound like you’re doing me a favor. So I guess you can fart on cue? What is your rate for performing this trick at parties?

    Like

    becomingcliche recently posted Notes From The Zookeeper: The Pancake Predicament.

  27. This reminds me that I took my daughter to Hot Topic this weekend and was shaking my head at some of the strange products there. “Who in the world would want Star Wars boxer shorts?” I wondered. My daughter said, “Yeah, who wouldn’t!” “Me, for starters,” I answered. “But you aren’t a Star Wars fan,” she countered. I said, “Well I’m a Bloggess fan, but I still wouldn’t want her picture on my underwear,” I said. “She probably wouldn’t want her picture on your underwear,” my daughter answered. Which made me wonder–especially since you enjoy farting for people so much–WOULD you want your picture on my (or any of our) underwear? I am not as sure as she seems to be.

    Liked by 1 person

  28. This reminds me that I took my daughter to Hot Topic this weekend and was shaking my head at some of the strange products there. “Who in the world would want Star Wars boxer shorts?” I wondered. My daughter said, “Yeah, who wouldn’t!” “Me, for starters,” I answered. “But you aren’t a Star Wars fan,” she countered. I said, “Well I’m a Bloggess fan, but I still wouldn’t want her picture on my underwear,” I said. “She probably wouldn’t want her picture on your underwear,” my daughter answered. Which made me wonder–especially since you enjoy farting for people so much–WOULD you want your picture on my (or any of our) underwear? I am not as sure as she seems to be.
    (Sorry for the dual post–Pam Likes to forget to log on before she comments, apparently.)

    Like

  29. I might not want a picture of Jenny’s FACE on my underwear, but I might go for Kraken doodles.

    Like

  30. When I try this Google assumes my name is a typo. That’s the price you pay for having an unusual name. Hat and never being able to find one of hose tiny personalized license plate keychains.

    Like

  31. Lady Garden always cracks me up…who comes up with this stuff in the first place…LOL

    Like

    The Hellion recently posted Weird Sayings That Make No Sense.

  32. I don’t know what it is, but slouchy beanie offends me already!

    Like

  33. I’m having one of those days, so I’m going with “jenny lawson likes you” to make my day a little brighter and pretending none of the other stuff happened.

    Thanks Jenny! I like you too!

    Like

  34. #Breakgoogle

    okay everybody let’s go google “Jenny Lawson Rocks”

    i bet we can make it work

    Like

  35. If you would fart for me, both I and my husband would appreciate it. Especially if he is brushing his teeth because somehow, that’s when I get the urge. What would Zsigmondy say?

    Like

    Elyse recently posted Trump has skin thinner than his wife and an ego bigger than my ass..

  36. I almost always get Kelly likes shoes as my first or second suggestion. I do like shoes but who doesn’t like shoes? I was curious and saw a link that led me to some cross dresser named Kelly and shoes and “know your meme” and that ended up being an adult website and my computer froze. AND I’m at work meanwhile pounds on escape key. Jenny this is partly your fault but I forgive you.

    Like

  37. You have the power to make me smile when I can’t find it anywhere else. Thank you!

    Like

  38. I think it’s on you, the weird results.

    Or I’m extremely boring, since I google the same thing and get:

    Jenny Lawson quotes
    Jenny Lawson husband
    Jenny Lawson author

    Or both. Probably both.

    Like

  39. My OB/GYN loves the term “Ladygarden”. I think he uses it now.

    Like

  40. Sadly I am so internet un-famous that I type in my name and the letter “l” and only get my linkedin account.

    Like

    onegirlbreathing recently posted Meditation Monday #25 -Positive Energy and the Authentic Self.

  41. I wonder what this farting Jenny did to rank so highly with Google? I’m looking for Search Engine Optimization tips…

    Like

    Twin Pickle recently posted Cabin Fever: 5 Ways to Combat a Case of the Crazies.

  42. Thanks for the smile on this dreary Monday like Tuesday. You never fail me. The only bad thing about reading your post (if there is a bad thing) is that it makes want to buy those teas that are advertised on the page. 🙂

    Like

  43. Google doesn’t know me well enough for suggestions. I’m kind of offended. But a little bit relieved. And then sort of envious. And then…..fuck Google! I couldn’t care LESS if it knows me. But I wish it knew at least one thing…..

    Like

    Mrs. Completely recently posted Kent Isn’t Superman. Apparently..

  44. There are a lot of reasons I adore you, but one of the biggest ones is that you used the term “lady garden” on CNN.

    Like

    Karen Marie Peterson recently posted Movies and Books and Places: A Year of Lists.

  45. 45
    Carol Anne Fusco

    Jenny Lawson Rocks!

    Like

  46. …just think someone with your name could actually be making mega bucks farting for people. Aren’t you a tiny bit jealous???

    Like

  47. OH MY GAWD Jenny have you SEEN THIS?! Taxidermy DRONES!! I peed my pants a little laughing at this…

    http://thefunnybeaver.com/taxidermy-animal-drones-copter-company/

    Like

  48. 48
    TheOriginalPhoenix

    I’ve never Googled myself before…now I wonder what would happen

    Like

  49. You and Google are so tight. Ladygarden.

    Like

    kstewand4cats recently posted Nom nom nom.

  50. I get my first name and “is a funny old man.” While I try to be funny, I’m neither old nor a man. WTF are you trying to say about me, Google. Can you please fart for me? It would make up for Google insulting my age and gender. Also, I think Google was being sarcastic about my humour.

    Like

    mydangblog recently posted My Week 121: I Want My Dang Cookies, Titus And The Golden Shower.

  51. Welp, I am practicing the piano, apparently. (No I’m not. I don’t know how to play the piano, even slightly.) Also, I will be incorporating lady garden into my vocabulary.

    Like

    Becca Barracuda recently posted Wake Up Call #5.

  52. Jenny, this is “off topic” … but I was watching an episode of Antiques Roadshow that happened to be in Texas, and there was a couple at the end of the show in the “Feedback Booth” segment. Man was holding what appeared to be the taxidermy of the upper half of a primate (large monkey?) that was located in an attic. It’s eyes had glowed in the reflective light. Was that you and Victor? If not … you might want to check out the episode and make them a deal for a creepy looking critter!

    Like

  53. Apparently there is a site called “Heather likes food”, and that’s pretty much all I get when I search my name on Google. If I add my last name the first auto-fill is “obituary”. Huh.

    Like

  54. I’ve tried several things with my name…sadly, they mainly seem to be “Friends”-related:
    “Monica has a turkey on her head”
    “Why does Monica and Richard break up”
    “Monica was hotter than Rachel”
    Also, “Monica wants it” which appears to be the title of some blog which is far less amusing than this one. And Google has zero suggestions for “Monica likes.”

    Like

  55. I would love to live in a Jenny Lawson wasteland!

    Like

  56. Had to try this. Apparently Dean ‘likes’ anime and Taylor Swift but Google is adamant Dean ‘LOVES’ pie

    Like

  57. Lady Garden and farts. Oh Google, what next?!

    Like

    Kayjai recently posted Namaste, Bitches.

  58. I have never done that but I have to. 🙂

    Like

    sjhebig recently posted How To Be An Amazing Woman.

  59. I have completely embraced the phrase “lady garden”z

    Like

  60. I took a screen cap but I’m too tired to figure out how to post it, but it’s literally the search box,the words “brekke likes” and nothing. I’m not sure how I feel about that.

    Like

  61. Google is seriously disturbed.

    Like

    the incurable dreamer recently posted we aren’t meryl, but we are still significant.

  62. 62
    Billandjen Hughes

    I tried Jenny hates ….told me I hate techno….which I agree, lol. Happy belated Birthday to you! Sorry I was late in the wishes department, been in horrible funk, getting better I think……jen

    Like

  63. Better for than on. Just, you know, saying.

    Like

  64. Well, my name brings up an obituary. Not a good sign.

    Like

    Diane Holcomb recently posted How To Recover When Life Gives You A Wake-Up Call.

  65. My Google results are 100% boring. I must be doing something terribly wrong.

    Like

  66. If I type my name into Google, it only ever shows me my IMDb link (http://www.imdb.com/name/nm1992334/?ref_=fn_al_nm_1) or recent Facebook posts I’ve made, or links to “emelle alabama” and/or their waste (emelle was__) landfill (emelle l___). “Likes” takes me right back to my own links. Google doesn’t know me at all. Or does it know me completely? I’m lost.

    Like

    emelle28 recently posted Jan 17 - DAY ONE of employment for me in '17.

  67. Okay, maybe not the worst. But apparently there is nothing I like, and I am famous for a tiny house. The end.

    Like

    Suzannah Kolbeck recently posted Anxiety, The Beast That Roars.

  68. I still get Jackie likes fez. It’s not even plural, just Jackie likes fez.

    Like

  69. Anyone recall road trips as a kid where you’d pass a semi and mime pulling the cord so they would honk for you? This image instantly popped into my mind when I read Jenny farts for you. I can’t wait to see you on the highway Jenny!

    Like

  70. Love that Google is just as dirty minded as we are…yup, straight to the “lady garden”…lol!

    Like

    thompsonhouseblog recently posted What Dreams Do You Still Have?.

  71. You’re a gaggle of fun, Jenny. I’d join your Jenny Club.

    Like

    Jenny Bristol recently posted Spoonflower’s 12 Days of Design: Day #4: Choose a Medium.

  72. Mine says:

    Melissa likes to eat
    Melissa likes to eat chocolate chip cookies
    Melissa likes to eat guacamole
    Melissa likes it hard

    Three out of four ain’t bad.

    Like

    TexasTrailerParkTrash recently posted Monkey See, Monkey Do.

  73. Those are good one. Maybe I should search myself now.

    Like

  74. I very much enjoyed this post. What I find most interesting is the seeing the other bloggers pages. There is some pretty weird shit going on there! Hmmmmmm……

    Like

  75. Hey from your first book u mentioned that your sister was attacked by a pig on the playground.. what exactly happened there?

    Liked by 1 person

  76. I get “George likes his chicken spicy” which is apparently from Seinfeld, but also applies to me!

    Liked by 1 person

  77. I got curious what “hate” would say: Brandy Hates….. Monica, Kim Kardashian, Beyonce and Human. The last one is really kind of unfair. I haven’t met you all yet! Though there are always one or two turds in every party sandwich.

    Liked by 1 person

  78. Oh man, am I late for this farting party?

    Liked by 1 person

  79. Obviously, we should have stopped at “likes yarn.” I mean, quit while you’re ahead, right? 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  80. I absolutely would never google my name in any form. It horrifies me to think that anything about my name or even connected to it could be found by google. Even if it were in fact utterly unrelated to me. I don’t know how you folks can do that.

    Liked by 1 person

  81. When requesting a personal Jenny fart for oneself, is it considered to be inappropriate to specify a desired volume, pitch, tone and preferred degree of butt-cheek slappiness?
    Yes, I thought it might be, but I thought I would ask.

    Liked by 1 person

  82. Recording it for posterity is absolutely out of the question too, isn’t it?
    I thought so.

    Like

  83. Because I am in a “me too!” mood, I tried this…..and nothing came up. Apparently I either don’t like anything or I don’t exist. Sounds about right.

    Like

  84. I have always thought about this and I am so happy to find out that I am not the only one that thinks about things like this. I can also say that google knows me better than I know myself.

    Like

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