Honestly, they should have called it Labiastick.

in Random Crap

So I was in the waiting room of my shrink’s office and someone sent me an email informing me that some guy invented a lipstick that you’re supposed to use to glue your vagina shut so that you don’t have a period and I was like, “I don’t think it works like that.  Like, any of it” and then my shrink walked in and was like, “Are you okay?” because apparently I had a weird look on my face and I was like, “Someone invented lipstick glue to seal off your vagina?  Like a cave-in, I think?” and then I think she wanted to increase my meds but I explained that I wasn’t hallucinating and found the article about it and she agreed that the world is weird right now.

And then I said, “How would that even work?  Would you be like, ‘Could you excuse me?  I need to go to the bathroom.  I think my vagina became unsealed.'”  And my shrink was like, “A man invented this, right?” and yeah.  It’s even named “Mensez” which seems like a joke in itself.  Also, you’d have to be really careful not to accidentally use the wrong lipstick on your face and seal your mouth shut, especially since the article says the glue is only dissolved with urine.

Now my head hurts and also I wasted half of my psych session discussing vagina glue.  And that’s how my whole day has gone.

UPDATED:

Actual image of lipstick from Mensez.com:

screen-shot-2017-02-22-at-3-12-28-pm
“I’m just going to borrow your chapstick, okay?” ~ soon-to-be disgusted friend who needs to stay out of other people’s purses.

205 thoughts on “Honestly, they should have called it Labiastick.”

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  3. That’s just wrong. All the blood and cellular material will just back up into your peritoneum via your fallopian tubes. It’ll like give you endometriosis even if you don’t have it. That’s criminal.

  6. It would be great if guys like him would use it on their mouths so we wouldn’t have to hear their dumb misogynist ideas.

  12. The concept of this is gross. Like, it’s uncomfortable enough. Why do they feel the need to make it /more/ uncomfortable?

  15. Am I the only person thinking how gross that thing would get after you’d used it a couple of times? shudder

  20. I can’t keep lipstick on my face lips because it bugs me. This seems a thousand times worse, especially since grabbing the napkin off the table at the nice restaurant to wipe the vag-stick off mid anniversary dinner seems kinda akward

  22. It’s truly an amazing future we live in…Wait, where’s my promised jet-pack? Also, will that thing help my jet-pack to stay on my back?

  24. And you just know the company is going to be super excited with all the hits from this post… But they won’t understand why so many hits led to so few purchases! (& yes, I clicked – it seems like it should be a gag, but it’s not!?!).

  25. Speechless. I mean, I am totally on board with having no more periods – I just wrote a blogpost about that very thing a few days ago – but even I can’t condone glueing one’s lady garden shut!!!!

  27. What the everloving hell?!! Invented by some man who has NEVER been up close and personal with a cooter! Because when they do this sort of shinola*in third-world countries, they call it abuse. But we’re supposed to just seal our cootches up? And keep the nasty period stuff from getting out?

    May a houseful of vengeful wome, in skirts sit on his white couches. Without undies. And bleed. Good gods.

    as in “can’t tell shit from shinola”, of course.

  33. The beauty part of the whole thing is that, when challenged about how freakin’ re-dick-you-louse this is, he retorted that women couldn’t have invented anything better because their mental faculties were sidelined 25% of the month. Also he think the vagina and the urether exit from the same orifice. So….

  34. My favorite part was where the “inventor” blamed women for not coming up with something so clever because we are too distracted by having our periods. And also he called it “potty training” for periods, so he clearly does not understand how any of this works.

  35. I just..I don’t even…I can’t…. Whoever came up with this idea is several kinds of bizarre, and letting it go from bad idea to bad product….that’s crazy, and not the “Bloggess Tribe” good sort of crazy either.

  36. Wait, so you’d have to pee on yourself to get unstuck? I don’t even want to imagine the gymnastics required for that!

  39. I like the slogan on their website: “Old ways won’t open new doors!” Like, if you glue it shut everything will search for an alternate escape route, a la the flood scene in “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom”.

  40. I have GOT to stop drinking coffee while reading your blog. I’m going to end up in the hospital.

  41. Hahahahah!!! There was a long post about this in a FB group I’m in. I’m thinking of pitching a tagline or two…. “Mensez, just don’t sneeze”

  42. If you didn’t click through to the article, you missed a classic instance of mansplaining: “'[Y]ou as a woman should have come up with a better solution than diapers and plugs, but you didn’t. Reason being women are focused on and distracted by your period 25% of the time, making them far less productive than they could be. Women tend to be far more creative than men, but their periods that [sic] stifle them and play with their heads.’ Dopps added over the phone that ‘a lot of the LGBT community, lesbians in particular, are furious at me because I’m a white straight man.’” What a moroon!

  44. “Reason being women are focused on and distracted by your period 25% of the time, making them far less productive than they could be…My dream is to have women free of the distractions, the psychological issues that goes along with their periods, and see what they develop.”

    I can’t wait for him to invent a glue to stop men from distractedly scratching their balls. Just think what they could accomplish in all the time that would free up!

  47. This is so beyond my ability to put into words. It’s just so insane. And the inventor truly thinks we don’t understand because a quarter of our lives is taken up with our periods so our brains don’t work. Well, joke’s on him. I don’t have periods any more and this is STUPID.

  48. I wish I could say that I’m surprised that some idiot thought this was a good idea. Sadly, we live in a time when some people just don’t care about shit like facts or science, and this is the result

  50. I’ve invented something to help men with their ED. Just take this long, stiff piece of metal and stick it into your pee-hole. Ta-daaa! No more floppily-doppily.

  53. Dear Weird Dude, you are spending far too much time thinking about Lady Gardens. Fix whatever it is that’s wrong with your head and use that glue to keep any more bullshit from coming out of your mouth. No Love, Me

  55. Exhibit A for why we need better sex ed in schools…and a time machine to go back several decades and implement it then.

  57. But……but…….

    So many questions. I mean, do you have to just NOT PEE for seven days??? Because if it dissolves with urine and you peed, you’d unstick yourself and then kapow…period. Or, if not, and you stuck yourself permanently (I mean, let’s face it, the temptation to NEVER have another period might be just too much for some gals to handle)….and then wouldn’t stuff just build up over time and then one day, if you sit down too hard, you explode??? I mean, that gives “Clean Up on Aisle Seven” a whole new perspective…..yah????? Either way, the product picture creeps me out……..couldn’t they make it look more like an industrial glue stick rather than a lip stick…because somewhere, someone is reaching for their Chanel lipstick and getting a BIG surprise! And……like………eewwwwwwwwwwww….

  58. I just use a strip of duct tape instead. Way cheaper, and that way I get a free wax, too!

  59. I saw this a day or two ago in my FB newsfeed, either Forbes or WSJ article and there were a bunch of men posting like WTF why is this is my newsfeed?! Because there’s a dipshit who thinks vagina glue sticks are A THING. Maybe if it had glitter…

  60. Now this is clearly a really stupid invention. It’s like the jade eggs in the vagina thing. Frankly there’s a very small list of items that I will allow down there…. glue and eggs are not on the list.

  61. And of course, this dude claims that the reason he’s getting made fun of is…because lesbians and feminists hate white men, and he’s a white dude.

    Political correctness has destroyed him, OBVS.

  63. Maybe a woman needs to invent something to seal up that guy’s asshole. See how he likes having his poop all build up and whatnot. It could be called “Cuzyernidjit”.

  64. I remember when I was little (well, not that little, but a kid), my mom told me a terrifying story about this girl she (apparently) knew whose vagina was somehow sealed (WTF?) and when she was a teenager her mother took her to the doctor b/c she was gaining weight and having abdominal pain and hadn’t started her period yet. Then the doctor had to take a scalpel and cut open her vagina and all kinds of period blood burst out of her.

    So I’m assuming there’s a fair amount of bullshit in that story, but this product has brought back all my childhood nightmares about it.

  65. I can think of something he (the inventor) could seal up — but then he would be horribly constipated. I would have no sympathy. How stupid are people? No, don’t answer that question. I don’t want to hear the answer. Ugh.

  66. He is a Chiropractor! From the Wichita newspaper: “UPDATE: Since the release of this article, Mensez has removed their Facebook page without warning. There is no telling if Dr. Dopps has abandoned this ridiculous idea, or if the company is simply trying to save themselves from any further embarrassment on social media. TDH will be reaching out to Mensez for comment during business hours. As of now Mensez.com is still up and running.”

  67. I almost spit my juice out when I got to “careful not to use the wrong lipstick…the glue is only dissolved with urine.”
    I read about this man this morning and did not even catch on to the hilarity of the product’s name until you mentioned it!

  70. What’s especially fun is how utterly misogynistic the guy who invented this thing has been when promoting it, basically saying that women were unable to come up with an idea better than “plugs” or “diapers” because periods messed with their lady-brains. Clearly his idea of an untested glue stick whose design demonstrates utter ignorance of vaginal anatomy is soooo much better (injury-inducing eye roll).

  71. It’s meant to be put on every morning and then pee dissolves it so the blood can all go in the toilet at once. It’s essentially a bad replacement for the cup thing or a tampon. It’s stupid and obviously something a guy came up with while stoned.

  72. Jenny, this may be the perfect item to use next time you are trying to stick a wig on a duck chick. Well at least until Dorothy Barker or one of your other fur babies pees on it…then bye bye mini wig.

  75. If my husband weren’t already watching my checking account, i’d buy you one of these so you can give us a product review. Don’t take it the wrong way, i mean i’d buy myself some but then my husband may be pissed off about my vagina being glued shut. I’d have to tell him I wasn’t open to business until i pee’d on myself. O_O

  76. It’s supposed to be used in the morning and then you sit back to pee in the evening to release it. It’s supposed to be a replacement for the cup thing or a tampon. Except, you know, for the stupidity obviously involved with introducing chemicals into the flatly balanced ecosystem that is the vagina. He was probably drunk when he thought it up.

  79. I think the the other guys would have lynched him as soon as he said, “y’all I’m going to glue all these vaginas shut.”

  83. To cozylittlebookjournal .. no BS .. my teenage daughter just had to have that surgery a few weeks ago after many doctors and literally years of severe abdominal pain .. it’s a real thing, when the vagina grew from the uterus as a fetus it never connected to the exit basically
    ..

  84. This was invented by a man who lives 45 minutes from me and who attacked women in the most misogynistic way possible when they don’t believe it could possibly work. HE’S A PEACH!

  86. Safe to say that was probably the most enjoyable money the shrink earned in a very long time.

    May you all find the funny in your surroundings.

    @WriterDann

  88. I say we all buy one, use them, get horrible bacterial infections (non-fatal of course) and then sue the crap out of him. Class action lawsuit, y’all! What an idiot.

  90. OMG, what an idiot! Two DIFFERENT holes… What is so hard to understand about that?

  92. Um, I work in the vet field and a sealed vagina is a dangerous thing because a closed pyometra is deadly if the uterus is not surgically removed. (Pyometra = pus filled uterus, usually from the lining not adequately being discharged). I’ve never heard of humans having this issue, but vaginal lipstick glue seems like the perfect way to fill your uterus up with pus. Call me weird but I think a period is less disgusting than pus that will eventually pour out during a golden shower….

  95. OK, now imagine this doesn’t sell. (That shouldn’t be all that difficult — I’m a man and I felt the vagina I don’t have cringing.) What will he do with it? Sell it to schools to teach abstinence? Oh dear god don’t let him read that.

  96. Oh, and I have to wonder if he got the idea from this — don’t know if I can include a URL so Google “taco bell ass glued shut” and prepare to cringe anew. And don’t say I didn’t warn you.

  97. So what if you drink a ton of water and you have really weak urine and end up with a permanently sealed cootch??

  99. This feels like a really passive aggressive way to deal with your husband. Sorry honey, no sex ever,and no you can’t talk me into it because I have LITERALLY GLUED MY VAGINA SHUT. Sweet dreams though!

  100. Theme song for commercial will be The Gogo’s “Our Lips are Sealed.”

    And eww, wtf???

  105. It said…Don’t SHARE with others. WHO IN THE HELL, would be sharing this? I love my friends but they have to buy their OWN vagina glue….

  106. This man needs a real job. Unemployment is down to less than 5%. There’s no reason why this man should be left to his own devices (and by devices, I mean Vag glue). :/

  108. Yeah, don’t read his comments. They pissed me off so much yesterday, I had to stop internetting.

  109. I’m not going to lie I’d lend it out as chapstick to people who I want to stop talking. We should send a bunch to Trump 😃

  110. Clicked the link and it crashed my internet, thanks. 😛 This is…. Amazing. I’m kind of in awe that someone could actually think up something this stupid and wrong and have this little basic understanding of female parts. It’s astonishing, actually.

  111. ugh the article! I, like up to 10% of my gender have Endometriosis and kept wanting to yell/”correct” the quotes from the article stating that in my experience women don’t tend to take time off from work due to fear of leakage, but severe crams, nausea and fatigue. I would wear a legit diaper 3 days a month if all those other symptoms went away. Across the broad offensive, of course, but good timing with the nonsense of America right now? geeze.

  115. Went to Amazon to find this product so I could read the reviews, its not available yet, however they do sell “V Magic feminine lipstick” which is just chapstick for your southern lips. I think I need therapy now Jenny!!!!!!!!!!!! Who comes up with this stuff?

  117. A fucking chiropractor. A fucking chiropractor. Not a gynecologist, nor even a real doctor. Not even a woman, although we know women all over this country are shaking their heads. Okay, all together now: WHAT A FUCKING MORONIC DOUCHEBAG.

  121. Can someone please send this in to Snopes? I simply refuse to believe this is a legit product.

  122. Was this invented by the same guy who thought women should just be able to hold it in during their period? Because it sounds just as stupid as he was.

  123. I cannot believe this is a real thing. I must have overslept and it’s really April Fools Day. That’s gotta be it.

  124. And dude just HAS to be from Kansas, my home state. 🙄 Sigh. So…the concept is you glue yourself shut and then when you pee the glue dissolves and all the blood goes down the toilet? And then you reglue yourself? No. No no no. For all of the reasons. No.

  125. Omg thank you for sharing. I guess technically it could work the same way menstrual cups work, in terms of just giving blood a place to chill out til you next go to the bathroom…? I’m more concerned about using “glue” and supporting all his other weirdo notions though. “Gosh how would we be able to handle our periods without incentive men around! I’m so glad they are there, thinking of us!” Ugh.

  131. Clearly this man has never been a paranoid teenage girl forced to wear white band pants for hours on end during marching band season. What happens if you miss a spot? I glued my labia wrong!
    What if you pee and then realize you’re out of glue? I’m trying to imagine relying my labia in a public restroom
    What if you’re jumping like on a trampoline and you pee a little?

  134. I don’t know. This is kind of nice. Because has been nothing but WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS GOING ON??? Oh. Vagina chapstick. Weird.

  136. I haven’t gotten any of your posts lately- but this one makes me realize how much I’ve miss your awesomeness!!

  138. Maybe he could use this for birth control. Just glue the penis closed, and later pee it out. :’)

  139. “…there are valid reasons that the rollout of this concept has been met with a heavy flow of skepticism and derision.” I see what she did there.

  140. I can’t wait to talk about this with my therapist on Monday. I am sooooo glad that I’m in menopause now. I finally get to use that 25% of my brain that was focused on my menstral flow. Someone forgot to tell this guy that his big brain is only functioning at 25% and his little brain is running the show at 75%. (Sorry to all you decent guys out there, but I had to say it).
    😋

  141. Maybe the guy who invented this should use it in his nose the next time he has a head cold and see how it goes for him?

  143. That is how my whole 2017 has gone, but you’ve now given me perspective. I can look at all the bullshit I thought was killing me and spinning me down the depression drain and think – “This is just Mensez and can be dissolved by urine.”

  144. To the person above who said we should give it to 45 as chapstick… It is dissolved with pee, so he probably wouldn’t even notice the brief time he was glued. 0_o

  146. This weird idea is a version of a kind of female genital mutilation. The labia are sewn together to ensure “purity.” So, horrifically, this is a thing. Thousands of women and girls still undergo various procedures all around the world, because custom demands it.

  147. Hilarious and sick and sad all at the same time. Only a man would think this was a good idea but in response to Linda’s post this could be a less hideous option in those cultures.

  148. Surely there is an alternative practical use? I mean, we live in an RV, and if we don’t get it leveled correctly when we park, then certain cabinet doors won’t stay closed.

    This could help.

    But then I guess we’d have to pee on the doors to get them open again?

    Sounds messy.

    Never mind.

  151. Wait a minute!! What!? Urine dissolves it, so when you pee it goes away and then what….this is so wrong on so many levels. I was intrigued by the idea of mistaking it for lip gloss, there are some people I could offer that to for sure!!

  152. I’m no biology major but what happens to all the “stuff”? I mean does it just sit up there until you go to the restroom? That doesn’t sound very healthy to me.

  154. I could probably list a ton of reasons why that is the most ridiculous thing someone could ever think of trying to make, but now my question is WHAT IF WE SNEEZE AND IT’S LIKE A WATERFALL EVERYWHERE? That and health-related concerns (and sooo many others) make me pray that this is an early April Fools prank.

  155. Well, that’s what happens when you have solved all other problems in the world and menstruation is the last thing you have to do on your little or not so little problems list.

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  159. Well this just adds a whole new level of terror to the dreaded sneeze and pee phenomenon that happens to so many of us after having had a kid or two. You sneeze and now get the prom scene from Carrie?

  163. I won’t go into the length of time it took me to realize how to pronounce the name of this. My high school French classes from twenty years ago kept telling me it was pronounced “MEN-zay,” and I though that was just as lame as the product itself.
    “What a dumb name. If anything, they should have called it “MEN’-zees”….um… wait…oh…”
    facepalm

  164. Weeping Jesus… The Twitter feed is sooo cringey!!! I’ll keep my cup, thanks.

  167. I’m so happy you blew this one up… I mean, tamped it down? Fuck… this one made me eye roll hard enough to see my previous life’s gardener…

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  171. Rebecca Watson over at Skepchick recorded a YouTube video about this “product” a couple of days ago and mocked the shit out of it. The fun part is that Dopps’ brother showed up in the comments basically claiming his brother is insane and the rest of the family tried to talk him out of marketing this stuff. The money quote from the brother was “He does not have a product that works. He has not tested it. Don’t you think a person with half a brain would do that before they started marketing it?”
    Yeah, you would think that, unless you’re Dan Dopps, apparently.

  175. This guy lacks foresight. He’s effectively eliminated half his potential market. I’m sure it would work equally well for gluing my wang shut as a form of contraceptive.

  176. oh my fuckedy fuck…the only use for that product would be to glue the inventor’s butt cheeks together and seal his rectum shut, see how that plays out…

  177. So. If the glue is dissolved by urine, how EXACTLY does it work? Was is designed by someone with a very rudimentary knowledge of female anatomy? Oh. Wait. It was designed by a man…. so, yes. Obviously. FFS and WTF don’t quite cut the mustard here. head in hands

  179. Let me guess, the dumbass that invented this is either 1) related to the little asshat who suggested women should just “hold in” their periods like you hold your bladder, or 2) IS the little asshat who suggested women should just “hold in” their periods like you hold your bladder. So f*cking tired of dumbass men telling women how to handle thier own bodies!

  182. Honestly, the only use I can think of for something like this is in a frat house as a prank. Sticking someone’s ass cheeks together or gluing someone’s penis to their tummy. This stuff is clearly not made for vaginas. What a dumb ass.

  183. I was reading their twitter account, pitching to be on Shark Tank. I’m so embarrassed to realize that apparently I have been walking sideways due to a dry tampon. I will never tampon and walk at the same time again.

  184. This is the kind of “clever” idea small, thinky children with zero life-experience come up with. It’s hilarious and kinda makes sense (I mean, I get his theory; every time a lady pees, her urine unseals the flow, then when shes, uh, “empty”, she seals herself up again until the next bathroom break), but it has no basis in How Things Really Work, For Reals.

    I assume he has no girlfriend, wife, or sister, because a female-type human he could talk to would have laughter her ass off and set him straight.

  186. This has to be fake, right? I imagine having those “lower lips” glued together would feel as nice as wearing a maxipad sticky side up! WTF?

  188. Im just wondering what happens when all that pubic hair gets caught in the action, as well..oy, the screams. I would rather lick a metal pole in the winter.
    no. not a chance.

    I can also see a husband’s face when he realizes his wife has glued her private parts together…

  189. I’m a male of genus Homo, species sapiens, and I do not approve of this product. This “inventor” has single-handedly soured me on the whole idea of capitalism and free enterprise (and the male gender.)
    Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to book a ticket to Thailand to get a sex change and while I’m at it, join the local socialist chapter.

  190. Horrifying. Designed by a chiropractor, I note. Enough said. Knowledge of female anatomy at the same level as knowledge of spinal structure.
    The male contraceptive that glues the end of my dick together will be developed by no man, ever, of course.

  191. Jeezlouise, a guy invented a feminine lipstick glue…oh, my brain hurts…Guys, we appreciate your concern, yes, periods can be tough but we’re fine, we got this! I don’t think that gluing any body parts would be a good idea…lol…thanks for your help!! :))

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  194. Dear God you people are great, I knew the comments would be great, I’m wheezing.

    Momentary Lapse (#189) – Bravo.

    Also dumbass that proposed this should be given the option of trying it on his own bits during an event that involves the expulsion of bodily fluid…that should hopefully be enough for him to get the idea (distracted by menstruation my ass…at least in that case it could be said there was a “head” involved).

    Is this just the surgical superglue stuff they use for triage? I’d think the world would probably not want to waste that. And hey, those plugs bubba slights, initally developed for temporary treatment for bullet (and probably shrapnel and whatever else) holes on the battlefield. Want to belittle them anymore there dude? I’m sure the men who survived thanks to them don’t think of themselves as toddlers.

  199. He needs to wear some special ‘underwear’ that keep boners away because they take up at least 75% of men’s time and messes with their heads. Maybe like a small dome that has sharp nails that stab it if it becomes erect? This is SO bad I have nothing intelligent to say, just dumb, it’s making me dumb. Or is it my period?

  200. What drugs was this guy on when he invented it & WHAT drugs was the person on that manufactured this complete waste of time & money?

  201. Sorry Ladies but that but hole has it wrong. It is not for sealing it up during your period. But to punish your man when he has done some thing really wrong and he wants to have sex and you say no. It’s closed for tonight and won’t open till you relize why!

  204. Yeah I’m starting to think the whole “men who don’t have a clue about women’s stuff” shouldn’t be allowed to invent women’s stuff. SO WEIRD.

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