WHO LOOKS STUPID NOW?

in Random Crap, weekly reruns, YOU ARE HERE

Still recovering from pneumonia but I’m well enough to look back at the past week and realize how totally sick I was.  I get terrible fever dreams that seem so real they bleed into real life and it’s hard to separate them from reality (is this normal?) and one of the strongest happened Wednesday when I fell asleep reading Ready Player One and Victor woke me up with a “medicine ball” from Starbucks and he tried to explain that it was some drink from their secret menu that he read helps when you’re sick (hot tea, steamed lemonade, honey, heroin probably) and I took it and honestly thought he’d slain some orcs and this potion had dropped when he killed them and I was super impressed for an hour until I fully woke up and realized that I was being crazier than normal.  But I do recommend the medicine ball if you’re sick even though Victor said that he felt like an idiot ordering something that wasn’t on the menu because the baristas always make him feel stupid and what if it was a trick, but then when the barista was like, “Totally.  I can make that” he thought it would be funny to start asking for made-up, nonexistent names of drinks at Starbucks.  Like if he said “Make me a Butthole Surfer” the barista would be confused and then he could say “WHO LOOKS STUPID NOW?” and then they’d be even.  But then the next day he decided to actually do it and he ordered an “Old Wizard’s Beard” in the drive-thru and he said “They asked if I wanted it iced and I just drove off, terrified of what they had back there.”  So, point Starbucks.

Does this make any sense?  Sorry.  I am on a LOT of meds.

In other news, I asked people to share pictures of their finished images from YOU ARE HERE on twitter and I was not disappointed so I put them in a storify right here and now even more are coming in so I’m going to have to do another.  Tag your images with #youarehere if you want to share and I’ll do another round up soon.

I did this one. I’m starting to see the allure of coloring.

Forgive the typos.  I’m still 45% dead.

*******

And now…time for the weekly wrap-up!

sid2

 

Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

Shit-you-may-or-may-not-want-to-see:

This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by Hippo Hug weighted blankets (I have one and it’s like being hugged by your bed).  From the maker: “Hippo Hug weighted blankets are different than any others that you will find on the market. We use a unique and proprietary weighting system that involves specially designed disks so that they blanket has a low profile and doesn’t look any different than a regular quilt.”  They’re pretty bad-ass.  You should check them out here.

104 thoughts on “WHO LOOKS STUPID NOW?”

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  2. This sounds suspisiouly like the secret menus at In and Out Burger. I think there’s a conspiracy afoot. Do you think the Starbuck’s people are stealing the really cool ideas from our Amercian Icons like In and out Burger? Jesus I hope not. I can’t take any more disillusionment from the people that are supposed to be in charge.
    And you don’t now this yet, but you (and the amazing amazing Bloggess Pals) totally helped me keep another nasty funk at bay. You are wonderful people and your words and images for us to color force the darkness to find another place to hang out for awhile. Thank you.
    So sorry about the zombification thing you’ve been dealing with lately (the medical community is legally required to call if “walking pneumonia” and “atypical pneumonia” but we all really know what’s going on)

  3. So sweet of Victor to slay some orcs when you were sick! My husband never does that for me. He not-so-secretly thinks I am faking it until he falls sick, too, and then he is convinced he has ebola and typhus and is so much sicker than I ever was.

    I just gave my friend a copy of your book. She said “I think I could color this,” so you win.

  5. Happy you are reading Ready Player One! It’s even better in audio since Wil W. narrates.

  6. Husband is sick this week. Has ordered 3 medicine balls over the last few days. He says they are the only thing cutting through the funk in his head right now. Hope you’re 45% less read soon.

  7. That’s supposed to say less DEAD. as an author I admire I only hope for you to be more and more read!!!

  9. I just finished reading Ready Player One yesterday. This makes total sense. 💗

  10. I feel ya I’ve been having horrible dreams every night for months. Not really nightmares to other people but they are to me. Like last night work was trying to fire people for coloring You Are Here. They were trying to fire me even though I hadn’t started coloring yet. It was so frustrating that work wouldn’t even let me color on my own time. I woke up really upset. Ps sorry for the rant I’m still upset 😞

  12. I’ve worked for Nordstrom on and off for 10 years. The Ebar has an off the menu drink called sick tea that all the employees order when they have a cold or sinus infection. It’s Mighty Leaf Tea African Nectar (rooibos, hibiscus, & marigold), lots of honey, and lemon. It soothes your throat and the steam opens you up. You can just buy red rooibos tea at the market if you can’t find Mighty Leaf, and make it yourself at home.

  14. Oh, my god. I need to know what’s in an Old Wizard’s Beard.

    I have very vivid dreams most of the time, and occasional bouts of sleep paralysis (which is the most terrifying thing I’ve ever experienced), but luckily I rarely run a fever even when I am severely ill, so fever dreams/hallucinations are not something I’ve experienced. I’m undergoing a procedure that requires general anesthesia for the first time in nearly 30 years in a couple weeks, though, so who knows what I might hallucinate then.

  15. Glad to hear you are feeling better, it took quite awhile for me to back to normal..whatever that is…I was tired a lot and found trying to just walk up the stairs tired me out…take care and give yourself time to heal…

  17. READY PLAYER ONE, one of the best books ever. Falling asleep to Will Wheaton’s voice is ok, too. Glad you’re back to 55% alive.

  18. I haven’t been mostly dead in a very long time, but I have struggled with just breathing in general through this winter. My rescue inhaler helps, but I kinda wish I knew WHY I need it (no Dx of asthma or bronchitis or anything, just the Albuterol Rx). So Glad you’re no longer mostly dead!

    I still wanna get started coloring, but I have no experience, and I REALLY don’t wanna mess it up! Your page is gorgeous, of course… but then again, you did the original doodle, so it would be, wouldn’t it?

  21. THANK YOU for the laugh! So needed that. I love that Starbucks story as much as I loved learning about coning. God as my witness, I am going to go coning some day! How do you make us laugh even when you’re sick?

  23. I had never heard of the medicine ball until I saw an article today that they are adding it to the real menu. I need to ask my friend’s daughter who works there what else I’m missing. Glad you are feeling somewhat better.

  26. I dream like that ALL the time. I also have night terrors and I get sleep paralysis, which is the scariest thing EVER! I very often get confused with reality and what I just dreamt (dreamed?) about. I feel you, Jenny, is what I’m trying to say.

  27. The fun thing to do at Starbucks is order “coffee, black”. They don’t know what to do.

  28. When I was working at Tim Hortons, a girl came in and ordered a “cotton candy drink” like it was something that was officially on the menu and then acted like I was stupid that I had no idea what she was talking about. Turns out it was an off-menu item that someone “invented” last year and for a while EVERYONE was ordering – so I guess she wasn’t aware she was late to the party on the fad, or was unaware that Tim Hortons employees don’t get paid enough to troll social media and find out what people are inventing so they can order it and confuse the shit out of the people behind the counter. I’m glad that at least managers at Starbucks keep track of these conconctions.

  30. I’m glad you’re recovering and starting to feel well again! You guys should just keep going and asking for random names. “I’ll have one knife-wielding otter, please.” Or, “Can I order a Rory-Around-The-World?”

  31. That’s the thing with pneumonia – you know realize how bad you are until it’s way too late. Glad you’re on your way to getting better!!

  33. Nice to know that you’re not dead! And I totally wish I had your book YOU ARE HERE ’cause I’d love to color it but sadly I don’t have much money and CHRIS FLEMING?? I can’t figure out what I’m watching at all! He sounds like my brain whenever it just goes off on a tangent.

  34. My dad once made me a Hot Toddy when I was dying. I got drunk on it and he had to help me to bed but the disease died and I was left with nothing but the phlegmy mess.

    Also, The Viking and I can’t get sick at the same time anymore because we get all competitive as to who is actually sicker and one of us may accidentally hack up a lung just so the other one has to say “Wow! That is a huge lung! I concede that you might be sicker than me.”

    Glad you aren’t dying anymore. :o)

  35. I have apocalypse dreams a few times a week… zombies of course… or Supernatural type ones. Fever dreams can be pretty awesome, just too bad I never remember mine, le sigh. Glad you are on the mend.

  36. Sorry you are sick, but what a great hubby to buy you off label Starbucks drinks and face the wrath! Anyway, your book You Are Here arrived today! I ordered it thru Amazon Smile (which donates a portion of the proceeds to NAMI Massachusetts.)
    Anyway I’ve been really lost having just started a year long online course for medical Billing and Coding…. with my bipolar brain, my depression, overwhelming anxiety and agoraphobia I’ve been having beyond a hard time focusing (The 7 meds I’m on don’t help with much basic functions) … so I thank you for writing You Are Here to remind me that I’m in my house, safe and to take it easy on myself. You are a gift to so many and to me. I am beating myself up over not being able to do much each day and your newest book (like your last two and your blog) help me immeasurably.
    Get better and thank you. Life is so hard and you are a ray of a sunbeam on very very cloudy days.

  37. Apparently, I must also be ill — I kept wondering how Victor was going to get a medicine ball (you know, like the kind at the gym) from Starbucks. Glad you’re doing better and that you didn’t need Billy Crystal and Carol Kane to help you out. 😉 (Although, a nice MLT would go down well right now…)

  38. Apparently a lot of places have “Secret Menus”. Who knew? Even McDonald’s. My daughter told me about that one a few years ago and I thought she was crazy or trying to make ME look crazy. Apparently not.

  40. Chris Fleming on YouTube: found his Gayle Waters-Waters videos years ago and still can’t figure out how he is not a star. Literal asthma coughing fit from laughing so hard.

  41. The people at Starbucks aren’t fazed by anything, When they ask for my name, I always say “Bob” because I hate it when people want my name or postal code or shit like that. But they just write “Bob” on the cup without even batting an eye. What if everyone just said “Bob”? How confusing and hilarious would THAT be?

  43. Just FYI, Not Dead Yet is also the name of a group that opposes assisted death/death with dignity/assisted suicide It’s a group that you may or may not want to be inadvertently supporting.

  44. I’m so confused by ordering at Starbucks that I can’t imagine trying for the Easter Egg of a secret menu. I want my Old Wizards Beard hot with soy milk, thanks. Glad you’re reading Ready Player One. It’s awesome.

  45. I’m thinking that the “Not Dead Yet” shirt is more of a coffee mug type of saying.

  46. I want that image in a rubber stamp. (I have recently rekindled my rubber stamp addiction that’s lain dormant for over two decades. That would make an awesome rubber stamp, way cooler than a lot of what is out there.)

  47. I wonder besides you and me, how many people realize that The Butthole Surfers were a musical group!

  48. I just finished the Furiously Happy audiobook and I loved it! I love your blend of humor and seriousness (real word??)! Thanks for advocating for people with mental illness in a great way! Keep up the great work!

  49. Guurrrl… wishing u a speedy recovery! Don’t forget a little TLC for Victor. And your daughter. 😄 Can I send you some thermometers for next time? So V. Needn’t touch you when you’re sick?! 😆

  50. Send Victor back immediately to get an Old Wizard’s Beard so we can know what is in it. We must know!

  51. I love the “Not Dead Yet” shirt and want to buy one for my kid, but he’s trans and TOTALLY not into wearing a woman’s tee as a result, so would it be too much to ask if it could be made in a unisex tee as well?

  53. Feel better Jenny! I haven’t started coloring – just still immersing myself in the text and drawings. Maybe next week…. I saw so much from other people’s perspective tonight in the other pics. Storify link was awesomesauce and I saw new angles of the pictures I hadn’t seen yet!

  54. Ermagahd, the audio book for “Ready Player 1” is soooo good– Wil Wheaton reads it. But you probably knew that already. Anyway, feel better!

  55. Ready Player One is an amazing book! You should read it again when you’re not on as many meds and well…more normal doesn’t really apply here, but whatever. So glad you are on the mend! Love your coloring! ❤

  56. Is the picture your designed it yourself, it’s interesting and cool, not stupid at all, glad you’re on your way to getting better

  57. The vivid dreams that bleed into reality thing? Something I get all the time. So it’s as normal as I am… uh, wait a minute… <3 Feel all the way better soon!

  58. I’ve had some pretty vivid fever dreams in the past too, and to this day there is one thing where I’m not certain if it was a dream or reality. I’m glad you are feeling better! Your coloring is awesome.

  59. I just checked out the I’m Not Dead Yet t-shirt and I swear, after noticing it was in a style I like, the first thought that popped into my head was “Ooh, but what if the shirt is on a dead person? You know,I could have them dress me in it for an open casket funeral. And then, when people came up to pay their last respects, they would really have to wonder about if I was actually dead,or just in a drug induced coma/zombie state as a result of being the unfortunate victim of a nefarious crime. And then, they’d be like ‘No, you can’t burry her. Call the Police.’ But then someone else could say, ‘No, I think it just means she’s alive in the celestial realm. You know, like eternally alive in heaven.’ And then there could be a big argument and lots of confusion and at least people wouldn’t be sad that I’d died and my last ‘words’ could leave them wondering.” Really, I’m surprised you haven’t had this conversation with Victor already.

  60. I went to Storify and then had a panic attack because my doctor won’t let me keep the good drugs and everyone is better than me at coloring in your book. I can’t even achieve a whole page and I’ll never sleep again from withdrawal. I’m a total hot mess insomniac, panicking about my 3:30 doctor’s appointment tomorrow and wonderingg how much I can cancel this week. #pleasehelpme #feelbetterjenny #yourbooksrock

  61. Chelle….One step at a time. You don’t have to think about anything but what’s right in front of you.
    Jenny….I hope you feel better soon. I totally get the dream blurring into reality thing without a fever. I have a difficult time transitioning sometimes and have lately asked my daughter something that I thought she had told me only to find out I dreamed it and she had no idea what I was talking about. Ughh, that was a run-on sentence……Time to say goodnight Gracie!

  62. Hey bad ass Jenny,
    Just want you to know you are helping people more than you know with your honesty about our shared mental illnesses. Depression lies. Have to keep reminding myself of that. But you have helped create a loving, broken, accepting tribe that we’ve all needed for years. You are changing the world for good. 🐧

  63. Good Morning, Afternoon, Evening, Night, whatever the present moment is.

    It’s hilarious enough to just see a person order “coffee” at a Starbucks. Then you see a sudden short panic from some baristas because they then have to remember what kinds of coffee are available. I don’t think that kind of pressure would be inviting.

    Anyways, consider Earl Grey Tea with honey. Never fails me.

    @WriterDann

  66. Trying to figure out if I can buy the completed Two Hands coloring project on a t-shirt. Or a dress, or underwear, anything. Awesome.

  67. SO glad that you are feeling better, Jenny!!
    You are valuable and important and we love you, so we are all glad that you are better.

    I am still trying at least twice a week to sign up…subscribe… for getting the email alerts on this blog, and still with no success, even using different browsers to attempt do so. WTF??? Does anyone know how I can accomplish this? Thanks in advance if you can give me any advice.

  68. I get the same crazy fever dreams. They also go all Groundhog Day, time loop on me too. It’s like my fever creates to much strain on my brain to create a full dream sequence so it just loops the video on me.

  69. Not just dreams, Jenny. Sometimes I forget that my daydreams aren’t real. They, and night dreams, have a sneaky way of becoming part of my memory in such a way that I have to stop and think about where the memory came from before blurting out anything that might give others a clue that I don’t always have a strong grip on reality.

    Though, none of my dreams or daydreams involve Orcs and magic potions.

    dammit

  72. I have those type of dreams when I don’t have a fever. Just be thankful you are not on Chantex at the same time…because that shit makes you crazy (or at least crazier than normal) and gives you super lucid dreams, believe me I speak from experience.
    Love all the “You Are Here” (#youarehere) pages that you are posting! People are so creative!!

  74. Glad you’re starting to feel better. And yes, having a dream bleed into reality is really a thing. There are a number of sleep disorders that can cause that. It also may have happened due to your fever or meds. Hopefully once your health is back to normal these will go away. If not, I recommend reading this: http://www.nbcnews.com/id/35606027/ns/health-behavior/t/top-spooky-sleep-disorders/#.WOKLckHyvIU . It may help you figure out what’s going on in your mind.

  75. You know…Wil Wheaton does the narration for the audio version of Ready Player One. He even does alot of the sound effects. It’s pretty great. A fantastic choice for when you need another voice to drown out the one(s) trying to convince you to do stupid things.

  76. Your dandelion page reminds me of an old favorite quote of mine: “A weed is but an unloved flower.” (Ella Wheeler Wilcox)

  77. The first time I had pneumonia, I was completely incapable of telling dream from reality. It may be totally normal for pneumonia (though, at the time, I figured it was because the drs wouldn’t believe I had pneumonia, so it went untreated until I was mostly dead).
    Glad you’re feeling less dead!

  78. At first I thought Victor woke you by literally throwing a medicine ball at you, which is pretty shitty, given how sick you are. My immediate reaction was, ‘WTF? What is wrong with you Victor?’ and then it was, ‘Omg Victor, don’t hurt her writing and drawing arm.’

    Poor Victor, earning the wrath of women he’s not even married to.

  79. Hopefully you have seen Chris Flemings video Company’s Coming. It is hilarious and totally what I sound like in my head!

  80. Snarky Barista: “You already ARE a butthole surfer, dude.”
    Maybe they take any wierd made-up names you ask for as a cue for Free Improv Coffee?
    “Old Wizard’s Beard. Oooold. Wizard’s. Beeeeard. Hm, I’ll need to start with the Sumatra medium-roast (aeropressed, natch), frothed almond milk with the sandlewood syrup whisked into it and, let’s see, half-teaspoon of condensed honeybusch, truffle sprinkles….”

  83. Why can’t I bring myself to color this book? Is it because it is A BOOK and the punishment for coloring a book was too great when I was young? Is it because I am no good at coloring? Or because I think I’ll make mistakes? It could be because all of my body colorings (tattoos) are black and gray so these drawings as they are just seem normal. Should I talk to my therapist about this or should I just read the book and save it uncolored as a reference guide. Does anyone else read these comments?
    Anyway, enough about me. I’m glad you are all thaw to 45% mostly dead and hope you get to 100% less mostly dead (or is it 0% mostly dead). Less dead is better so let me just say I hope you are the most less dead to equate to being fully live soon.

    (I only recently started coloring the images. They look finished in black and white to me too. 🙂 But I’m enjoying adding spot color now. Who knew? ~ Jenny)

  85. I don’t drink coffee but now I think I’m going to have to go to Starbucks just to order a Honey Badger and see what happens….

  86. You always make me laugh, thank you.

    Also, I love Teavana – the tea they serve at Starbucks. And their Emperor’s clouds in the mist (right words, maybe in that order) got me through an all night shift at work.

  88. I am crying, I am laughing so hard at Victor’s Starbucks adventure! 😂😂😂😂

  89. Jenny, do you have a light weight or heavy hippo blanket?! They look amazingly cozy!

  90. When I was a kid I would have the same dream just before getting sick and again at the end of the illness. I was ill often being an asthmatic in a household of smokers. It was a pretty scary dream–my mom just drove out from under an underpass and suddenly there was huge truck coming at us and we plow right into it. Only as we hit it everything slows down and I can see the hood crumpling and the floor of car cracking up and I’m falling into the passenger side floor, dust is flying and pieces are coming off. Then things come to a stop and it is back to regular speed. I’m just sitting there and my mom gets out of the car and runs around to driver’s side of the truck and pulls the driver out and then the passenger. They are scared of her anger. She is yelling at them. End of dream, wake up sick. Or if I’d been sick, have dream, wake up well finally.

    Later I mentioned the dream to my mother and holy cow! The dream is based on reality from when I was a little baby. My mother had just dropped my father off to be shipped out to the Vietnam War and was emotional. A truck cut her off and she had to slam on the brakes, many things, including me (seatbelts weren’t a thing in those days) went flying and crashing around inside the car. It’s why she insists on keeping the car without loose objects in it now. She followed the driver until he stopped. She runs over and pulls him out of the truck to yell at him. He’s quite shocked and almost frightened of this crazy woman coming after him.

    So… yeah, dreams and reality blended together.

  91. Dear Jenny, Thanks so much for the storify of people’s coloring. It’s so beautiful and inspiring to see the gorgeous variety of expressions. Thanks for being such an amazing presence in our world. Sending you so much love and healing thoughts.

  92. Pingback: WHO LOOKS STUPID NOW? « Fribliss

  94. Is a Not Dead Yet t-shirt appropriate for someone who has MDD? Would it make others think it was an attempt at suicide? I think it may be encouraging for someone as sarcastic as I am.

  95. Enola-trash your cookies (trackers) and restart your computer! It’s “remembering” those old dead-end requests and not seeing your new ones…

    Jenny, “Not Dead Yet” is a quote that goes straight to my “Absolutely Fabulous” mental joy-box, to the scene where Patsy’s granny panties fall down to her ankles… But I hope you saw the request to make a classic-cut tee for peeps that ain’t into girly-shaped shirts.
    I have a theory that fever dreams are tricksters inseminating you with a brand-new book.

  96. This seems like the right crowd to loudly suggest we all change our tax withholding so that you aren’t making free loans to the government and that way if someone tries to snitch your refund maybe they will be handed the bill.

  98. I love Ready Player One. Love it with the love of a thousand goat, Pegasus, Rory families!!! I can’t wait to hear what you think of it!!!

  99. You need a herd of dachshunds – AKA badgerhounds – they’ll go after those rascals. They burrow down and need to be hauled out of the holes they make by their tails.

    Love me some dachshunds!

  102. So my friend recently told me about your blog and I cannot stop reading it. I really needed this in my life. I was reading this post to my husband last night and now he calls our little dog “butthole surfer”! I love your candidness and even though you’re going through so much you take the time to help others. I cannot wait to ask for your books for Christmas etc. Thank you.

  103. Ive been seeing alot of little shadows out o the corner o my eye too. I thought about hat they could be, and now i think I have an idea. Plus way back in the thrid grade,i was walking to class when out of the corner of my eye i saw a life sized white figure. I thought it was just my imagination, but now i also think it was a faery. I have had some troubles beileiveing, even though i know that they are real. Thank you for telling me about the ways you have seen them, for now I know that i DO beleive, and i have all along, and that they have let me have several glimpses of them.

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