So yesterday Victor was like, “Hey, take some xanax because we’re going out tonight. And by ‘tonight’ I mean ‘5pm’,” and I was like, “That seems very late for me and also ‘no,'” but he was like, “You’ll like it. It’s a magic show in a hotdog castle that used to be a church,” and I was like, “Those words don’t go together. Have you had a stroke?” and he sighed, “And it’s haunted,” and so I took my xanax but I didn’t know what to wear and Victor was like, “It’s a magic show. Wear a sequined cravat obviously. Don’t embarrass me.” But I didn’t have one so I wore a red dress with a plastic belt that looks almost like diamonds if you have never seen diamonds. And I would probably be perfectly dressed for a magic show but I forgot to compensate for “hotdog castle” so basically I was totally overdressed and glaring at Victor.
And then we went up to the middle floor where the magic show was and it was GORGEOUS and covered with stained glass and I was in love for five seconds until I saw that it was communal bench seating so I had to eat my fancy hotdog with strangers which is my idea of hell. Making smalltalk with strangers, I mean. Not eating hotdogs. I like hotdogs. And when the strangers were like, “Where are you from?” and I was like, “I’m from Stop-Asking-Me-Questions” Victor coughed to cover it up and Hailey joyfully took over all of the conversations because she loves strangers and might be adopted.
The magic show was quite good but people didn’t seem to understand that when a magic trick is done you need to clap. Or whoop. Something. Personally when a trick is done I often shout “WHAT.” Or if it’s really good I point and yell “WITCHCRAFT“, but in a somewhat complimentary way rather than a “J’ACCUSE” sort of thing. This seems a bit over the top but Victor is a magic geek and I’ve been to a shit ton of magic shows so I think I know what I’m doing. Also, I’m usually very drunk, which makes me a great audience because I’m easily impressed. Plus I have ADD so I can never remember what the card was I was supposed to remember so no matter what happens I assume it’s magic. Like, if a magician puts a rabbit in a hat and then pulled out the same rabbit a minute later I’m like, “YOU’VE SIGNED A PACT WITH THE DEVIL” and Victor has to remind me that that’s not the trick at all.
I had an end to this but I forgot what it was. I blame the ADD.
And now…time for the weekly wrap-up!
Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):
- As requested: a FEELING STABBY mug to keep people from messing with you and a plate I made from one of my drawings.
- I got a pirate ship chandelier at a resale shop and it makes me ridiculously happy. It is freaking the shit out of the cat.
This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by StoryWorth Books, which I’m actually a big fan of. From them: Still looking for a meaningful Father’s Day gift? StoryWorth is the perfect last minute gift. Each week, we’ll email him a question about his life – asking him about his favorite memory of his grandparents, or whether he’s ever pulled any great pranks. All he has to do is reply with a story, which is forwarded to you and any other family members you invite. At the end of the year, his stories are bound in a beautiful keepsake book your family will cherish!” You can check it out here.