I don’t even know if vaseline is edible.

in Random Crap, weekly reruns

Last week when we were driving I was singing along to Madonna’s Into the Groove and I was like, “You can dance, perspiration” and Victor was like, “Are you kidding me?  It’s ‘You can dance…for inspiration” but I was pretty sure mine was right because you’re way more likely to produce sweat than inspiration, but when I checked Victor had apparently already hacked into the internet and changed the lyrics. This happens almost once a day but the most recent account was when I saw singing along to Pour Some Sugar on Me on a bus and Victor just stared at me in awe, probably because he was so proud that I was blessing people on the bus with my lovely voice, but then he was like, “Are your ears just broken?  Are you fucking these songs up on purpose?”  (Answers: Yes, No.)

And a few of the lines I realized were suspect because “You got the peaches, I got a cream…sweet to taste. Vaseline” sounds not right but I was pretty sure I nailed the rest of it but turns out I had almost every line wrong.

Also, I’ve seen Def Leppard in concert and loudly sang this song with a crowd.  Awesome.

PS. In case you’re wondering, below are the real words to the song as far as I’m concerned because I’ve been singing them wrong for too long and now have no way to unlearn them:

Yellow’s like a bomb!

Loving tiger balm, baby come and get it on,
Living like a lover in a red eye phone.
Lookin’ like a champ, like bitty old vamp,
Demo-licious woman, can I be a man?

Razzle in your dazzle and a dance in daily life,
Television lover baby, go all night.
Sun time, anytime, sugar be sweet.
Little Mrs. innocent, sugar me.

So come on. Take your body, and shake it off.
Break the Bible. Break it up.

Pour some sugar on me, in the name of love.
Pour some sugar on me. Come on, fight me up.
Pour your sugar on me. I can’t get enough.
I’m a hot, sticky Swede. From my hand to my feets, yeah.

Listen! Red light, yellow light, green light, gold,
Crazy leather woman in a one man show.
Marrow queen, many keen, rhythm of  her love.
Sweet dreams, sangarine, listen up. Yeah. Listen up.

You gotta squeeze a little, please a little, tease a little love,
Easy operator, never knocking on my door.
Sun time, andy time, sugar be sweet,
Little Mrs. Innocent, sugar me. Yeah oh. Give a little love.

CHORUS

You got the peaches,
I got a cream.
Sweet to taste. Vaseline!
Cause I’m hot, hot, so hot, sticky sweet, from my hand, hand, hand, to my feet.

Do lips take sugar?
One look, one towel!

PPS. In my defense, this is what happens when you learn a song in junior high by listening to it a million times on a worn-out cassette you recorded from a staticky radio station.

*******

And now…time for the weekly wrap-up!

 

Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

Shit-you-may-or-may-not-want-to-see:

This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by Myawesomebeauty.com. It’s a website run by beauty addicts and professionals (formulator, esthetician, beauty advisor, etc.) who can teach you how to choose cosmetics or beauty devices worth your money following specific criteria, rather than just what brand is popular at the moment. The guides and reviews explain you what to look and what to check, from vitamin C serums to microdermabrasion machines for home use. You should check them out here.

 

153 thoughts on “I don’t even know if vaseline is edible.”

Read comments below or add one.

  2. I blame it on Marty McFly. Some of us remember the original version before he went back in time and changed everything.

  3. I purposefully sing songs incorrectly to annoy my husband. Bonus points if the lyrics are to one song and the tune is a totally different song.

  4. I purposefully sing songs incorrectly to annoy my husband. Bonus points if the lyrics are to one song and the tune is a totally different song.

  7. Your book is one of the best depression books of a year it did not come out in. You broke time!

    Also, I had a dream about you last night. I was helping you with a project that made no sense but also made perfect sense. Because it’s you.

  8. Yup… rewind, write lyric, rewind, fix lyric, rewind write more lyric… that’s how The Logical Song got right.
    But, I will now sing ‘Vaseline’ because I can’t not.

  9. All it takes is one glance at Joe Elliott in those shredded jeans and the lyrics fly right out of my mind…thanks for letting me know I’m not the only one who hears crazy shit in songs!

  10. Got into a fight with my ex boyfriend about the lyrics ‘they paved paradise and put a parking lot’ he swore it was ‘they paved paradise and put up a fucking lot’. I still can’t hear that song without getting a little irritated about that fight.

  12. My roommate in college was the queen of misheard lyrics. Yes’ “Owner of a lonely heart” became “Owner of a lonely shark”. The line from Peter Schillings “Major Tom” went from ‘floating weightless’ to ‘floating waitress’. My favorite was the misheard lyrics from Journey ‘I come to you, with ‘broken’ arms..”

  13. One glance at Joe Elliott in those shredded jeans and the lyrics fly right out of my mind. Thanks for letting me know that I’m not the only one who hears crazy shit in songs!!!!

  15. You created a notebook cover?
    Of course you did.
    Hailey, I want your mom…. I’m a good sharer <3

  17. I used to think that one song was “I’m not talking ’bout the linen” but seems Victor hacked into that song’s lyric website too, cause he rule them to say the lyrics are “I’m not taking about moving in”. I’m on to Victor, I’m going to go check the lyrics to Come On Eileen (which came out my senior year of high school and my name is Eileen) before you change those too.

  21. Vaseline is edible. It was a by-product of petroleum that someone had the grand idea to use as a treatment for constipation. Nothing like a bit of Vaseline to grease up the pipes. I thought everyone knew that. Just me? I’ll show myself out…

  22. God, I love you. And I have to thank you for teaching me that depression and anxiety lie. It helps me to separate what I am feeling from the truth. Keep doing what you do!

  23. I need you to know…really need you to know…I have believed for 30 years that it was perspiration. You are not alone.

  24. My son sings “Oh, we’re half-way there, whoa, oh, Lizard on a Chair”. You are not alone.

  25. “Vaseline”..OMG too funny…my daughter thought “Down in the Boondocks”, was Sally in the Boondocks…most of you won’t even know this song…LOL.

  27. You are a mondegreen queen. (I’m pretty sure there’s a crown for that.)

    I used to think Kenny & Dolly were singing “Islands in the street.” But I’m particularly fond of the Stones: I’ll never leave your pizza burnin’…

  29. You never did shots to red light, yellow light, green light go? IDK what the hell was in them but they were red, yellow and green shots and “go” is the chaser

  30. Imma just leave this here. Laugh-until-you-cry stand up about misheard song lyrics.

    Listening again now and I’m already laughing too hard to type.

  31. Until I was 30, I thought it was: “Our House… is a very very very fine house… with two cats in the Army… life used to be so hard.”

    To be fair to me, life would be hard with cats in the Army.

  32. You are not alone in inventing Def Leppard lyrics. My old co-worker thought the lyric to “Love Bites” “It’s bringing me to my knees” was “It’s bigger than Germany.” My other co-worker happened to know the lead singer of Def Leppard and told him about it before one of their concerts. He was like, “What is wrong with your friend?” but couldn’t help cracking a smile when he sang the song on stage. To this day in can’t unhear it.

  33. Among the lyrics I still sing, even though I now know better:
    “I’m not the girl I used to be, I’ve gotta get on 33 baby” -“Middle of the Road” (in my defense, 33 is a US route that cuts through Ohio, and Chrissie Hynde is from Ohio, so it made sense to me that 33 was the road she wanted everyone to get in the middle of))
    “She’s the one, the only one, built like a mastodon” -“Brick House” (there’s no excuse for that one)

  34. I just realized that Elton John was NOT singing “I like girls” but was in fact singing Island Girls….and I’m 48 years old. It seemed so ironic at first…..

  35. I don’t know about saccharine, but I seriously read somewhere that folks used to put Vaseline on toast for… get this… a laxative. Wait, what? Many great chuckles.

  36. I swore the lyrics to I wish I was a little bit taller, by skee-lo was “I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat with a six foot paw” but it’s i wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a 64 impala” 😂😂😂… i like mine better! Also under the board walk… “i wish my tired feet would file through ” when it’s really fire proof”

  38. It’s not really related, but this made me laugh so much I just wanted to say, on World Suicide Prevention Day, THANK YOU. “Depression lies” is a mantra I cling to. x

  39. I appreciate that the dog pillows have “goof rebound”. So important and so hard to find!

  41. My hubby and I have been on a music flashback kick the last few nights, diving down that rabbit hole on YouTube (and driving our son crazy in the process). We were just talking last night about how, pre-internet, if an album didn’t come with a libretto — and even then, sometimes the written lyrics honestly didn’t match what was sung — the only way to learn the words was to give your boom box a work-out stopping and rewinding your cassette tape constantly while trying to write down the words, or to be brave enough to go to Karaoke!

  42. I love your blog and love your sense of humor. Today, I cannot stop laughing at this. You’re killing me!

  44. At least you got the title right! I somehow interpreted the chorus as “Boys who cheat on love!” and sang it very loudly at the roller rink when I was about ten, while a guy skated past me very slowly, staring at me like, “what the hell?”

  45. I like a lot of R&B but I always hated the lyrics to Brick House. This is part of the problem: I thought he was singing:
    “Sho’nuff her knockers fall clear to her knees”

    I don’t know what that says about me.

    Journalist/columnist Jon Carroll has written extensively about mondegreens (also cats).

  49. This completely made me think of the Friends episode where Phoebe has the lyrics wrong to “tiny dancer” thinking it was “tony danza”. Love it and love what other people here.

    Another reason all of us are different and awesome.

  52. I THOUGHT I knew this song when I was a teen, but recently was playing it again while walking and was really puzzled. Why on earth would they have been talking about a red iPhone in 1987????? LOL

  53. First eating a little vasoline won’t kill you. Also there’s a song by Sia where the line goes “is rather live alone then let them throw dirty confiti” but every time I sing it my brain changes it to “I’d rather live alone then let them throw dirty spaghetti”. Can’t help it

  54. At least your lyrics rhyme – points for understanding that is the point of most lyrics. My husband makes up his own and they never rhyme. I’m like, WTF what don’t you understand about ending lines with words that sound the same? He’s rhyme deaf, I guess. Why not – he’s just plain deaf and we spend the day yelling things at each other from different rooms. I’m going to start rhyming mine shouts.

  55. Did you know that in her song “White Flag” Dido does NOT proclaim that she “won’t poke my eyes out and surrender”? Because I had no idea.

  56. My best one is “roam, ditsy watu” (uh, watu is not even a word) instead of “roam, if you want to” (B-52s).

  57. Did you know that in her song “White Flag,” Dido does not actually proclaim that she “won’t poke her eyes out and surrender”? I mean, wouldn’t you?

  58. I thought I could not possibly love you anymore and then you do this. I think Def Leppard should come do a show in your bathroom so that you can learn the real lyrics first hand from the band. And you can invite me because I have always loved Rick Allen and would love to be completely gobsmacked in person in front of him.

  60. Too funny! I actually know that Vaseline is edible but I would highly advise against it for you and your pets for that matter unless you want the loosest stool of your life! One of our dogs got the lid off a jar of Vaseline and when we found her she was licking it clean like a peanut butter jar. Needless to say we took her outside and I’ve never seen such explosive diarrhea! She was also contained to the kitchen for the next day because she continued to excrete Vaseline 🙁 This experience also taught me that Dawn dish soap is amazing at getting greasy fur clean!

  62. I used to date a guy who admitted to eating Vick’s Vaporub. I told him that eating camphor could induce seizures, so he switched to straight Vaseline, a spoonful each day. We didn’t last long.

  63. ZOMG! What holiday is, “Children Kid Boy Girls Boy Birthday Gift Festival Christmas” even?! I mean,I need about 50 of those pillows, but…

  66. How about Neil Diamond, singer of, “Reverend Blue Jeans.” Husband likes my version better than, “Forever in Blue Jeans,” so we always belt it out.

  67. Sometimes this can go in the opposite direction. A few years back, I occasionally heard kids singing what sounded like “Gettin’ Jiggy With It”, but I knew this couldn’t be right. Was I mishearing the children or were they misinterpreting lyrics and rendering them nonsensical? Of course, neither was the case. The actual name of the frigging song is Gettin’ Jiggy With It. When I learned this, I wanted to get punchy with it.

  68. Well you are so excused, or vindicated, or whatev in my book. Because just a day ago I repurposed that song title for a post on recovering from infidelity, also probably not what the artists’ intended. I’d say great minds think alike, but that might sound pretentious…this just in, I realized I don’t care, so never mind, no buts, great minds think alike! And thank you for explaining to me why the internet is so often incorrect these days, I’ve been puzzled but now I can shake my fist at Victor and rest in the knowledge that I was right. I knew it.

  69. I’m a cowboy🎶On a stale horse I ride🎶And I’m wanted (wanted) dead or alive.
    *I always wondered how a horse could be fresh or stale. How do you tell?

  70. Last night, Ken and I were watching a movie when the song “Car Wash” came on. There was close captioning, and I was shocked to discover that the line that rhymed with “you might not ever get rich” was NOT “it’s better than being a bitch” but was actually “it’s better than digging a ditch”. I’ve been singing that damn song wrong for over 40 years.

  71. I worked with chimpanzees whose enclosure was badly designed, and to thwart escapes they covered the wall the chimps were parkouring off of with vaseline. The chimps licked it off and then escaped again

  73. I always sing “it’s the eye of the tiger it the cream of the crop” …the hubs always gets annoyed when I sing this lyric but I can’t unknow it now. 😄

  76. We’re in north central Florida, power is still on, for now… Thank you for making me smile!

    (stay safe! ~ Jenny)

  77. Reading your (obviously correct) lyrics, I thought they sounded like someone put the song through talk-to-text, so I tried that. It didn’t work because of the background music, so now I’m trying to find a version without the music to see what happens. A good way to spend my Sunday, I think.

  80. Huh, I started to google the song title to check the lyrics and it was the first thing to come up. (with only one word) Very powerful, Jenny.

  83. I had a friend years ago who was an ex-nun. She used to belt out “I Shot Sherrie!” until I told her that it was “I Shot The Sheriff!”

  84. Jenny, your book is one of the very best books about depression in the last decade. But don’t tell other writers, because they might mad, and send crazed squirrels. Although “Crazed Squirrels” would be a good title for your next book.

  88. FYI … and I’m serious … yes, Vaseline is edible. I give a little to my kitties daily to help prevent hairballs. They love it. Check with your vet first but apparently, this is good for them. Who can tell with cats though, right?

  90. Related: until he was about 14, my younger son would have told you he’d never heard of Mick Jagger.

    There was a skinny singer with big lips he knew about though, from back in the day, who went by the single name “McJagger.”

    This information will be used at his wedding. My son’s. Not Mick Jagger’s.

  91. My son once misunderstood a line from Twisted Sister’s “We’re Not Gonna Take It” The line is “We’ll fight the powers that be, just …” (at least, I think it’s that) and he sang “We’ll fight a thousand peaches …” It got in my head so much that I can’t sing the right line anymore, even if I wanted to.

  92. To be fair, that one line DOES sound like “break the Bible”. Totally.
    I have fallen victim to mishearing lyrics so, so often. Examples include:
    “‘Scuse me while I kiss this guy.” (“Purple Haze”, of course)
    “I’ve been haulin’ ass so long” (instead of “holding out so long”, from “Miss You” by the Rolling Stones)
    And there was a Frank Zappa song that I was sure had “Disease” in the title. It was “Cosmic Debris”.
    I’m sure there are others, but I still have Weird Headache Brain and can’t think of them.

  93. I knew a foreign exchange student from Australia who was convinced the song Constant Craving was really called Can’t Stand Gravy, only said in a really thick Aussie accent. She couldn’t figure out what Americans had against gravy.

  94. When I was a child I used to sing “it’s my potty and I’ll cry if I want to…” Loudly. In public. It was my favorite song.

  95. omg I’m going to start singing “bitty old vamp” now,that’s one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.

  96. How embarrassing! Letter writer 73’s lyrics to “Eye of the Tiger” are what I’ve always sung, so I had to Google it. Wouldn’t you know it, but Victor got there first! Thanks for the laugh, Jenny!

  100. Can I get the Roy tote bag without Juanita’s words? My 10yo is totally into raccoons!

  102. There used to be a website I loved where people sent in all their misheard lyrics… Dunno if it’s still around anymore. Looked up the real lyrics to this ’cause I had to compare, and I like your version much better!

  104. Vaseline is indeed edible. But it’s more so used on ferrets and cats to help coat their insides and get out hairballs/prevent hairballs. So unless you’ve been grooming your cats with your tongue I do not suggest eating it.

  105. Your lyrics are much better!

    Many years ago, my friend’s toddler used to go around the house singing: “Every time you go away, you take a piece of meat with you.” Naturally, we all started singing it that way, because we thought it was so funny. Actual lyrics: Every time you go away, you take a piece of me with you (Paul Young, Every Time You Go Away).

  106. INXS ” You’re one of my kind” sounds like ” do you want to buy a kite” to me. I will never stop singing it that way. I purposely taught my 13 yr old son those lyrics as well.

  108. I remember sitting by the stereo, waiting for the DJ to shut up so I could press record on the tape deck. They really liked to talk well into the intro. It was probably to keep me from bootlegging.

  109. About a year or so ago I waiting in line and half-dozing, half-listening to a song on the radio … it was catchy enough, and I thought: “oh, hey, new song by whatshername, the one who did that other song with the 99 problems bit.” But then the chorus hits and it’s “Fuh- fuh – f*ck a zombie!” over and over and over. That woke me up. I looked around but no one else seemed to notice (or care). Couldn’t figure out how to work that into a casual conversation so I made a point of looking it up the first chance I got. Turns out I was half-right. It was by Ariana Grande, but apparently it’s “Focus on me!”, not, er, the other.

    Decided it was time to take a break from Walking Dead after that. Just for a little while.

  110. My daughter thought Elsa was singing ‘Mary goat, Mary Goooaaaat! Can’t hold a duck anymoooooore’. She’d sing at the top of her lungs, as only a 3 year old can.

  111. OMG. You just brought back memories. In fact my sister and I were just laughing about this on the weekend. When we were younger she had made up her version on “Kids in America ” by Kim Wilde. We too would sit by the tape recorder waiting to record the song from the radio and then playback each line to write down our version of the words!!! What a laugh. Thanks for bringing back the memories. Lorelle.

  113. We still tease our mom about her singing “secret asian man” instead of “secret agent man” loudly in the car on a road trip. We’ve also discussed making that a music video with everyone taking off masks to reveal a different ethnicity than they appeared to have at the end of the video. Lol

  114. IF ONLY I had these lyrics when I was wearing high tops and sporting teased bangs while mercilessly draining a 2 litre of Rockaberry cooler and listening to this song. Totally would have upped my ‘cool’ factor.

  116. Ok. Riptide. ” I love you when you’re singing the song and I get a lump in my throat cause you’re gonna sing the words wrong” or something like that.

  118. I’m glad I wasn’t drinking anything when I read the song lyrics, it would have come out my nose! brought tears to my eyes..I’m still laughing. I thought I was one of the few that got the words wrong 🙂 You bring a smile to my face every time I read your stuff..keep it up

  120. My favorite misheard Madonna lyrics come from my best friend. When we were kids, she thought the line “Ginger Rogers, dance on air,” was “Gingivitis, dance on air.”

  121. OMG! Yours are waaaaay better, and this is why when I go to concerts I stand and don’t sing because I don’t want anyone to hear me singing along wrong, and be like “she is a poser wanna be fan. Let’s toss her in a trash can”!

  122. I have to say that Madonna’s “Into the Groove” is a way, WAY underrated song with a f*cking amazing bass line. I’m going to put that stuff on right now and do as I’m told by Madonna (… which is get into the groove).

    I’m going to express the least popular opinion I can right now, and openly admit that I HATE “Pour Some Sugar on Me,” and refuse to pump my fist in an anthem-esque fashion. I’m sorry, but I can’t stand the voice, I can’t stand the guitars, I can’t stand the echo-ey drums that a lot of 80s hair metal bands employed… I stand for none of it.

    Pour some Madonna on me (but in a classroom appropriate sense, please).

  124. Hubby says Pour Some Sugar on Me is the anthem for strippers everywhere and these lyrics, well, they just back that statement right up.

    Have you heard that Bee Gees song? “Bald headed women…. she’s just a bald headed woman to me…..” I can’t not hear that.

    Also, I like how pissed off those cat pillows seem.

  125. OMG! Growing up, we always heard ‘pour some sugar on me’ as ‘have some cheese on bread’, that’s officially what it is. No one in the history of time has ever heard the lyrics to this song and got them right. Ever.

  126. You are HEE LA REE US. I should know better than to read your blog on a full bladder! OMG running to the loo now!

  127. Just listen to music in a different language and then dare Victor to correct you. Hint: Italian songs are about pepperoni, calzoni and farts most of the time and who doesn’t like songs about that? German songs are angry, Scandinavian songs are about sex and French songs are about cheese and bread. Try it. Honestly. You’ll like it. AND…..you will flabbergast Victor with your mult-lingualism skills. :o)

  128. When I was little we had this thing called Chicken Delight, it was like ordering a pizza but with chicken. And I thought the Beatles were singing she’s got a chicken delight and she don’t care.

  129. the Eagles and I go way back, but my esrs arent so good. I told someone I wanted to rent a red Mustang to drive through Winslow Arizona so I could be the girl in that song… and was laughed at because it’s a FLATBED Ford. Not a BRIGHT RED Ford.

    And then there’s the misremembered words that crack up my 10yo… like Cheryl Wheeler’s “When fall comes to New England”. For some reason the leaves which are Irish Setter red in the song get spraypainted in my mind… 90% of the time I sing “fire engine ” red.
    My daughter tells friends about this every chance she gets. Sigh.

  130. Thanks for the 3D pillow link. I was rocking through my Christmas list until I got to the one with the vagina. I don’t know who’d want a pillow with vagina spillage risk, but I’ll keep at it.

  131. I pretty much agree with every lyric you wrote! I think all my friends had their own take on what was being so my!

  133. We were so poor I used to put clear tape (the shitty brittle kind that turns yellow and presents between Thanksgiving and Christmas, not our nice invisible stuff now) over the slots in the top of my sister’s storytime cassettes and record from THE RADIO! Crappiest quality EVER, but I became a MASTER at unpausing the record!!!

  134. Once,after hours of torturing my mother with Blood Hound Gang (hey, it was the 90s) all the way to MN.
    At MoA, we saw a queue, and decided to go stand on it and find out why.
    it was Def Lepard doing a signing.. So why not.

    1.they kept staring at my 105#,5’8 with 36 C tits, secondly, they gave me the nickname I hate (My name is Lexy, with a Y. I have a “thing” against the letter I. Changed my name and spelled my new name weird, so NO is)
    sexy Lexy

    Nest part?
    Walking off the stage, my mom whispers to me “and the drummer from Def Lepard REALLY DOES only got one AR!”

    Now I’m a drummer, who has lost 90% use of my right arm thanks to a rare neuropathic disease (most painful known to man wheeee)

    So we sing that line a lot for the last 10 years (it replace The Roof…. That lasted 15 yrs previous)
    . Proud corruptions of mom moment.

  135. Back “in the day” when Cyndi Lauper’s album was such a big hit, I taught my girls (ages… 10 & 13?) the lyrics to “We Bop”. I’d go to work in the Big Boy Restaurant and dance around singing, ‘I bop, you bop-a-we bop……” One of my co-workers was aghast. “Don’t you know what that means?!!? It means masturbation!” I told her with great dismay….. “but, but, but… I taught my kids to bop!”
    Fun times at the old burger joint, yessiree…

  136. I thought of another one. In the chorus of “The Point of It All” by Amanda Palmer, there’s a line that goes, “And you’re aces for coming along, you’re almost human after all”. I used to hear it as “And you’re racist for coming along” headdesk

  137. Your lyrics are WAY better! There are lots of lines I don’t know. I think guessing is way funnier. My husband just mouths something that isn’t even close but then swears it’s his most favorite song…EVER! Really, if you love it so much, why do you not even know the f*ing words! LOL!!!

  138. I work at Target and our sound system is not that great.

    I kept hearing a song that went “You need a waterfall, I got a waterfall.”

    I tried to google it- nothing. So I tried to think. What if he’s not offering a waterfall?

    I, for whatever reason, decided to try “You need a wad of heart”- like a wad of gum.

    Google came back with, “Did you mean ‘Wild heart by the Vamps'”- yes google I did.

  139. Excellent interpretation of this song, a favorite of mine! I thought Stevie Nicks was singing “one-winged dove” in Edge of Seventeen until…last week. Right.

  143. noooooo! seriously, my husband ruins songs for me like this on a constant basis. most of the time it’s not on purpose. I can never listen to the Ramones “I wanna be sedated” anymore..because now, all I can hear is “I want a piece of bacon” ffs.

  144. I’m pretty sure you can eat vaseline. It’s oil based, right?

    I doubt you SHOULD, but you probably could.

  146. Hey, if they wanted people to understand the words to their songs, they’d stop trying to sound like they’re singing and gargling chili at the same time.

  147. I recently went to the Depeche Mode concert in NYC and was telling my friend about it when she came to visit. She was supposed to fly up for it but the damn hurricane delayed her trip, anyways, she told me she caught a friend singing “You’re wrong, first of all, Jesus” instead of Personal Jesus… I about died laughing and of course we sang it like that
    the rest of the night..

  149. In reviewing the book titles, I wonder: is there a correlation between authors who write books about depression and a love for colons? The punctuation colon, not the body part. Though, perhaps there is a connection there, as well……

  150. “If you like peanut coladas, and getting caught in the rain.”
    “She drives me crazy … like long, white hair.” (Instead of “like no one else.” It really does sound like that once you have this phrase in your mind.)
    And I once made up a version of “Safety Dance” for my young son who squirmed and squirmed for an hour, fighting the urge to go to bathroom. I called it “The Pee-Pee Dance.” And I sang it whenever he would start to wiggle. He’d then run to the bathroom right away just so I would shut up.
    You can dance if you want to
    You can wet your pants, that’s fine
    But if your friends find out
    Then your friends are gonna laugh
    When they see you got a wet behind

        You can “go” where you want to
    You don’t need to use the can
    But if they get wet
    Then I’ll be upset
    Cuz I’ll have to wash your pants again

    You can dance
    You can dance
    You can lose bladder control
    You can dance
    You can dance
    Instead of just deciding to go – Oh – Oh - Oh
    You can Pee Pee dance
    You can Pee Pee dance   
    That’s the Pee Pee dance – Hey
  152. Pingback: Links: September 17, 2017

  153. The website for the very realistic dog pillows calls them 3D DOG CAT STUFFED BED PILLOW BOLSTER PLUSH TOY PLAY DOLL STUFFING THROW PILLOWS FILLED CUSHION FOR CHILDREN KID BOY GIRLS BOY BIRTHDAY GIFT FESTIVAL CHRISTMASes. Not sure what to make of that. I feel like I’m seeing a thought process unfold. No matter what, I want one to scare my own dog from jumping up on the couch.

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