Victor is still out of the country and I’m still documenting my days for him on instagram:
Day 3 of Victor being out of the country: Found a seven foot gold chicken chained to a tree on the side of the road. Sent Victor a video text of me singing "I'VE GOT A GOLDEN CHICKEN" (ala Charlie and the Chocolate factory) and then I IMMEDIATELY got a notification from Bank of America that my credit card has been cancelled "for security reasons". This is not even a joke.
Day 4: Went to the doctor for more blood work and my dog followed me into the lab and I was like "WTF. HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE? HAVE YOU BEEN FOLLOWING ME THIS WHOLE DAY?" and the nurse was like, "Oh, do you not like dogs?" And I was all, "That's not really the point and you're way too casual about this" but turns out it was my doctor's dog, who is Dorothy Barker's doppelgänger and the nurse just thought I was paranoid and super hostile to small dogs. And then I tried to apologize to the dog but she was like, "Bitch, not everything is about you."
To be continued…