Day six. STILL ALIVE.

So it’s day 6 of Victor being out of the country and leaving me to be an adult so today I changed the vent filter in my office and it was horrifying because IS THAT WHAT MY LUNGS LOOK LIKE?  Also, I wasn’t sure if I had the filter turned in the right direction and I couldn’t entirely close the vent cover back up but I still felt pretty grown up until suddenly I smelled something totally on fire.

And I went outside and there was thick smoke everywhere but I couldn’t tell where it was coming from.  It was like Stephen King’s The Mist but with fewer monsters and I was pretty sure it wasn’t coming from my house but I couldn’t tell for sure so I called security and said, “Hey.  So…how would I know if my house is on fire?” and the security guy was like, “Ma’am?” and I explained that there was smoke everywhere and he said, “Oh, that’s all over the neighborhood.  It’s fine.  It’s just a controlled garbage fire” and I was like, “Oh my God, ‘controlled garbage fire’ has been my whole year, dude.”

So long story short, I did not start any major fires today.

Yet.

60 replies. read them below or add one

  1. There’s a lack of “controlled garbage fire” christmas ornaments in the world, if you were looking for something to create.

    Liked by 5 people

  2. Every time I change our filters, I think, damn am I this bad of a housekeeper that there’s this much dust in our house? But I saw a woman at our county fair this year who was recycling dryer lint for weaving and I think I might have a side business here…

    Liked by 4 people

    skullwoman recently posted 642 Tiny Things to Write About: Instructions for Basic Life Skills.

  3. I think most people would agree. Forget 2017: Year of the Rooster. It’s 2017: Year of the Dumpster Inferno, people! Put that on your Chinese zodiac and smoke it.

    Like

  4. I live in a city, so we don’t have garbage fires. (Well, not the literal kind. It’s DC, so we have plenty of metaphorical ones.) I do have a neighbor in my building that forgets to turn their stove off pretty regularly, so like once a fortnight we have to call 911 all, “Hey, it happened again.”

    Liked by 4 people

    jeccav recently posted Holiday Decorating for People Who’d Probably Much Rather Live in a Swamp, to Be Honest.

  5. I never can tell if I’ve put the filter in right. I mean, the arrow is there that shows which way the air flow goes, but which way does the machine filter it??

    Congrats on not burning the house down. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Controlled Garbage Fire doesn’t sound like the kind of thing to be totally chill about. Yikes.

    Like

  7. Congratulations on not being the one to start the fire!

    Liked by 1 person

    PsyXe recently posted My best friend, Joanne du Toit, 15/11/1983 - 14/05/2017..

  8. 8
    Bethany Robinson

    Dear sweet baby Jesus please keep this family safe until Victor gets back. I know it’s keeping you really busy but…

    Like

  9. Who Does That? A controlled garbage fire, I mean, not has a year like that….

    Like

    Nancy recently posted Three Little Kittens – The Sequel.

  10. 10
    ocularnervosa

    Controlled Garbage Fire is a good description of this year.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. At least it’s controlled. I guess. This year sucks ass.

    Like

    Michelle recently posted Maintenance Of Social Phobia.

  12. Ah, the controlled garbage fires of our lives
    https://insomniagirl.net/

    Like

  13. That’s a great name for a soap opera! NO ONE STEAL IT!
    https://insomniagirl.net/

    Like

  14. I was not aware that “controlled garbage fire” was a thing that exists. That seems a little strange. But I totally second the christmas ornament idea.

    Like

  15. Controlled garbage fire? Yeah, I’m pretty certain that was the excuse the government used in “The Mist” when they blew a hole in the 4th dimension.

    Like

  16. My year could also be summed up as “controlled garbage fire,” but without the “controlled” part. Basically just your typical garbage fire, lots of screaming, crying, having to call the authorities to keep from burning alive. The usual.

    Like

    The Cupcake Witch recently posted Diary: Let the Break Begin!.

  17. Honest to god, they are doing controlled burns here in pinetop, have to prevent the big fires, but gives my son seizures, he has epilepsy, so I am trying to make happiness by putting up everything Christmas that I can find!! I swear, your humor is a lifesaver!!

    Like

  18. That’s the name of my husband’s old punk band!

    Like

  19. What are you waiting for? Don’t let the garbage burners win. Grab your propane torch and get in there!

    Liked by 2 people

    becomingcliche recently posted My Husband Is Trying To Kill Me.

  20. Congratulations on not starting any fires today!!!

    Like

  21. Oh man, I am having the worst day (exhausting panic attack thanks to complex PTSD, plus med side effects making me feel like I want to fall asleep and puke at the same time..)

    I needed to read this. Though I am sorry that other people’s lives are like garbage fires too…mine is currently in the ‘less controlled’ stage.

    Like

  22. “Controlled Garbage Fire” needs to be the name of a band full of aging punks.

    Like

  23. 😂😂😂😂controlled garbage fire was my year too.

    Like

  24. WTH is a controlled garbage fire…and so very glad you didn’t start it..and when is Victor coming home…

    Like

    The Hellion recently posted Remember When….

  25. Last week I was at my moms stuff getting stuff from her basement…my husband had just changed 2 bulbs and the power went out. Luckily it was the whole neighborhood that lost power…because I was seriously concerned we didn’t know how to change bulbs.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Next time someone asks me how I am doing I am going to use that! Like a controlled garbage fire!

    Like

  27. Oh my gosh… I was like, “Oh my God, ‘controlled garbage fire’ has been my whole year, dude…..yes!! That is my life. By no fault of my own. Forces larger than myself…I am so glad I am not alone. I am using it in my Facebook page. I will give you credit!

    Like

  28. Oh my gosh… I was like, “Oh my God, ‘controlled garbage fire’ has been my whole year, dude…..yes!! That is my life. By no fault of my own. Forces larger than myself…I am so glad I am not alone. I am using it in my Facebook page. I will give you credit! I promise

    Like

  29. “Controlled garbage fire” sounds like the best description for this whole year, just, ya know, for the whole country. :/

    Like

    Laurie recently posted Semicolon necklace --hand stamped Sterling silver. Your story isn't over. Depression mental illness hope strength suicide prevention by IntermezzoDesigns.

  30. I have to travel with work fairly regularly, so it makes me mindful to keep my mouth firmly shut when my other half goes away and leaves me in charge of the kids 🙂

    Like

  31. Controlled garbage fire is the best description of the last year. Um, and my life, honestly.

    Like

  32. So many days you crack me up, and I really needed it today. THANK YOU for being you.

    Like

  33. Your paranoia is all of our paranoias. I would have done the same thing – called 911 to find out how to tell if my house is on fire. Thank you for being such a hilarious part of our tribe!

    Like

  34. I saw Controlled Garbage Fire open for Metallica.

    Like

  35. Good to know it was an uncontrolled garbage fire

    Like

    Gary Lum recently posted MFF0092: Q fever and Coxiella burnetii.

  36. Thank you – it’s nice to see that others are in the same boats with me! Seriously, it’s gotten to the point where, when asked how I am by people at work, I say “Excellent!” Because in that moment, while at work, THINGS ARE UNDER CONTROL. Leave work – barely controlled garbage fire these days. It’s nice to know I’m not alone!

    Like

  37. If “Controlled Garbage Fire” wasn’t such an apt descriptor of our federal government, it would totally be the name of my new garage band!

    Like

  38. My sister in Napa, CA had a similar experience. She thought her husband (who has Parkinson’s) tried to cook something and burnt it – she went downstairs and discovered Napa was on fire – not her kitchen.(There was a window open – hence the smell came in). Fortunately she and her husband are fine and their home wasn’t near the actual fires. Well near enough that we all worried about her for a week.

    Like

  39. That’s funny. I’m watching The Mist right now. A controlled garbage fire is waaaaaay better. It’s your lucky day.

    Like

  40. controlled garbage fire is going to be my life for the next few months. My 96 year old Dad broke his arm opening a jar of pickle relish, which has great comedy potential, only he’s not dealing with it well. Mom is fanning the flames. Whoo hoo!

    Like

  41. We have controlled burns which are like forest fires. Actually, they are forest fires, but they try not to let them get out of control. Sometimes they do. The smoke can gag you from hundreds of miles away.

    Like

  42. My maintenance man tried to set my dryer vent on fire 🔥 by cleaning it out today, we even got a visit from the front desk of the building checking on what was going on. Whoops, sorry neighbors for giving you a scare.😱

    Like

  43. “Controlled garbage fire” pretty much describes my body on chemo! HA! Love it.

    Like

  44. Wait. How do you control garbage?

    Ba dump bump. Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. I’ll be here all week.

    Like

    OwnLessDoMore.us recently posted Work camping for Amazon, Part II: Whooooaaaah, we’re halfway there!.

  45. Ok I’m sooooo making controlled garage fire ornaments. Plus I’m soooo proud of you for lighting the house on fire but I’m still disappointed you didn’t buy Beary Manilow. You two could have started your own FB live talk show 😪😪😪

    Like

  46. “Controlled Garbage Fire” sounds like a great band name

    Like

  47. If she could say “controlled garbage fire,” so nonchalant like – what else is the government hiding from us?

    Like

    Vicky recently posted I just wanted to say a few words….

  48. “Controlled alien abduction,” I’m just saying…

    Like

    Vicky recently posted I just wanted to say a few words….

  49. “Oh my God, ‘controlled garbage fire’ has been my whole year, dude.”

    ROFLMAO! :’)

    Like

    emelle28 recently posted #PettyAF.

  50. My husband is military and leaving for 18 months starting Jan 1, and I’m not sure how me and my daughter will survive, but obviously humor helps.

    Like

  51. It’s important to count ALL of victories and when anyone tells you that the filter is in backwards you will ALWAYS have the fact that you didn’t set the house on fire OR even set the garbage on fire. Because YOU KNOW that they called it “controlled” as a way to pretend they did on purpose.

    Like

  52. So what happened on Day 5 you don’t want anyone to know about, hmmmm?

    Like

  53. I think “out of control dumpster fire” would be an accurate description of 2017. On the plus side, though, I think you just came up with something to add to your Zazzle store: “I did not start any major fires today”. Those would be perfect as a sticker or a badge of some kind!

    Like

    Kat recently posted Salty With a Side of F Bomb.

  54. I would have to say my year has been more of an, “UNCONTROLLED garbage fire.”

    Like

    Steph recently posted Walk-ins Welcome.

  55. You’re supposed to change the filters? Be right back…

    Like

    mydangblog recently posted My Week 165: All I Want For Christmas Is A Transporter–But Not A Robot Cat.

  56. OhMy… andcwgen are we expecting Victor’s return??
    You must be so proud of yourself! I’m proud of you … although grass probably not a big deal, since we don’t know each other. But- GOOD ON YOU🌻🌻😆

    Like

  57. My mom visited last week and asked about the neighbor’s rusty barrel. I told her that was just their burn barrel and she said, “No, the other one”. Sometimes, we become so numb to the controlled garbage fires going on all around us, we don’t even recognize when another one starts. Yikes. I should add, I live in the middle of town! 🙂

    Like

  58. Skull woman, and other cyber friends- make todaybthe first day of making changing furnace filters, EASY!
    take a BIG broad-tipped permanent black magic marker. Down to, over to your furnace. With new filter in hand.
    Take the time to see, learn, absolutely, which direction the air flow come … to the filter.
    Mark on the sheet metal (who is Ever going to see this, except you?!?) with a simple easy to see ARROW, near the filter site.
    Now, for the rest of your lives, in this abode, you WILL find replacing the filter, to be a Piece Of Cake!
    You’re Welcome!!!

    Like

  59. “So long story short, I did not start any major fires today.

    Yet.”

    To be honest, I find the “major” qualifier nearly as troubling as the “yet.”

    Like

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