BORKEN

This is going to be even more confusing than normal.  It’s been a week, y’all.

You know how at the beginning of every year half the people you know pick a word for the year?  Like PASSION, or THRIVE or CREATE and the word I always pick is NO-THANK-YOU because I already fail enough without adding random dictionary words to also disappoint thankyouverymuch but this year a word seems to have chosen me.

Remember a few days ago when water was pouring through my office ceiling and then the water mitigation people came and cut holes in the floors and ceilings and put plastic ET tents all over the house and ran industrial dehumidifiers and blowers for days to get rid of the damage and it looked like if Dexter (the serial killer) had an art installation and I handled it about as well as you might expect:

By day three of water damage pergatory things started to get weird and I just hid in the guest bedroom and texted everyone rather than leave the room and see the destruction.

So basically the water damage fucked up my office AND Victor’s conference calls.  He says it was less the water damage and more me being me but water damage multiplies everything by three so I’m pretty sure I’m not to blame because EVERYTHING IS ALL BORKED UP.  And Victor thought I was overreacting and that “borked” isn’t a real word but it totally is.  It’s when something is so ludicrously broke you can’t even spell the word right and it’s exactly what my office looks like right now.

So you know how people always say that the way you bring in the new year is indicative of how you spend the rest of your year?  Well, we went to pick up sushi for New Years and when Victor opened the restaurant door the entire thing ripped off of its hinges like Victor was some sort of very confused Hulk.  And then we had to apologetically hand the door to the restaurant manager and I was like, “YEP.  THIS IS OUR YEAR.  IT’S ALL BORKED UP.  WE’RE BORKED, VICTOR.”  And probably we are, but then I started laughing about it because it’s so ridiculous and I realized that bringing in the new year laughing at things falling apart is sort of how my whole life has gone so at this point I should just embrace it.

And then the manager leaned the door back into the door hole and he taped this sign to the door and I had to take a picture of it as we left because…I mean:

And that’s when I realized that my word for the year had chosen me.

My life is a little borked right now.  I am more than slightly borken.  I’m all borked up.  But that’s fine.

All the best people are.

UPDATED.  As requested, now available in my shop:


Or the more abrupt alternative.

169 replies. read them below or add one

  1. You do realise that “bork” is the sound a chicken makes, right??? So technically I think you can say the chickens have chosen you as their own…..

    Liked by 4 people

  2. BORKED IS TOO A WORD! I’ve used it for years!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. When I saw the title of your post, I thought I was going to have to correct your spelling. Nope. You got it exactly right! Happy Borken New Year, Jenny!

    Like

  4. I just have this vision of Ferris emerging now from a plastic vulva. Happy new year to you all.

    Liked by 1 person

    Gary Lum recently posted MFF0099: Warts both genital and non-genital.

  5. Thank you for this. I’ve been feeling borken myself, and now I know what it is!

    Like

  6. Oh, Jenny. Thank you for being you. What a gift you have. What a gift you are.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. “This door is borken.”

    Somehow, that’s perfect.

    Happy Bork Year, Jenny! 🙂

    Like

  8. Jenny, I’m sorry for your water damage. That sounds awful. But I love how you share things. The way you write things with such humor is such a gift. Be proud. And please, never give up. 🙂 ❤

    Also, that’s WONDERFUL that borken became A THING. It shows that the universe is sympatico with you. Love you!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. 9
    Kira Flowerchild

    All the borken people…where do they all come from?

    Liked by 6 people

  10. I’m pretty sure “Borken” is the word for my life, not just one year.

    Like

  11. If it isn’t broken, Bork it.
    Then there’s Robert (?) Bork, SC Justice nominee?
    Ugh.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I can only think of the swedish chef, which is completely awesome

    Liked by 8 people

  13. Now I’m just going to picture you as the Swedish Chef all year.

    Cool

    Liked by 2 people

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  14. Your sense of humor is a gift to the world. Where else am I going to read about cats being reborn out of a plastic vagina? WHERE??? You have a gift — an absolute gift! I love it!

    Like

    teddythedogtalks recently posted 2017 Has Officially Gone to the Dogs!.

  15. I totally thought you were going to be talking about/like the Swedish Chef. This is so much better.

    Like

  16. You bork it, you bought it.

    Liked by 3 people

  17. I borked my ankle the day after Christmas and our car borked itself the day after that so…yeah. same.

    Like

  18. ❤ “bringing in the new year laughing at things falling apart is sort of how my whole life has gone so at this point I should just embrace it.” YES. Embrace the Bork, Jenny!

    Like

  19. I love you and Victor…and borked is totally a word…and also thank you cause I still have not chosen one…so now I won’t be able to sleep tonight…

    Like

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  20. Well I thought the metaphor for my year was gonna be clogged toilet clogged life but borken fits too

    Liked by 1 person

  21. I love you and your family! I like to think that maybe you have gotten all the “borked up stuff” out of the way, so the rest of the year is nothing but roses (without bees!).

    Liked by 1 person

  22. I have been using the term “borked” for years. It’s common in the IT/tech community, Victor. And it perfectly encapsulates your current situation.

    Happy New Year, Jenny.

    Liked by 1 person

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  23. Laughing at the borkedness…that’s a great way to usher in the new year. Swedish or not. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sY_Yf4zz-yo

    Like

  24. Wait…. I swear you made this word up before. Is this some weird deja vu shit?

    (I THOUGHT I DID TOO. Honestly, I’m afraid to check the archives at this point. This is the downside to blogging for more than ten years. ~ Jenny)

    Like

  25. I’m an introvert, so having workmen in my house is torture. You have my deepest sympathies. Having a cat jumping through a vagina would tip me over the edge.

    Like

  26. I just stumbled on your blog and am glad I did. Sorry your life is so borked right now, but you had me cracking up! I almost laughed loud enough to wake up my son. Happy new year. 🙂

    Like

  27. Bork, borked and borken are great words and I will use them as much as possible, giving you full credit.

    Like

  28. Sounds like you’re ready for one hell of a year.

    Like

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  29. Of Course Bork is a real word. Haven’t those people ever seen The Muppet Show? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RByK19LSltQ

    Liked by 1 person

  30. I completely relate to the borkeness of life and water damage. A couple years back, I bought a new washer and dryer from Lowe’s and they borkened my house. They never tightened the water hoses and then we had a four day rain storm, so I never heard the drips of the water leak and it ran under the linoleum and carpet in THREE ROOMS. Massive borken in a house with chipboard flooring. Insurance covered it, but no local contractor was available to take the repair job. They did the mitigation and I had the plastic and fans and oh, did I mention I had just had SPINE surgery, and this was Christmas week.

    I ended up giving up entirely. Sold the home, took the money and moved to New Mexico. No more freezing winters, recover my health, gotta be better than this, right?

    I nearly died when the ER couldn’t recognize a sceptic gallblader and sent me home several times as a drug seeker.

    Three surgeries that year. Two for the gallbladder and one to fuse the spine damage that had come undone in a worse way from everything else being borken.

    Borken. Perfect word.

    Like

  31. There’s really NO OTHER WORD.

    Liked by 1 person

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  32. What the hell happened to that merchant’s door though. Did someone pull the pins out of the hinges? Maybe Victor kept the Great Sushi Robbery from happening.
    Will the Mayor now give Victor a ceremony where the whole town gathers to say thank you and then Victor gets a giant Key to the City?
    I await your next update!

    Liked by 1 person

  33. Yes, I too have the Swedish Chef in mind. A similar word on my lexicon is “dorp”. As in “dorp it like it’s hot” our “well crap I dorpped the bowl of p hello. Or scoldingly: “I told you to dorp it. I don’t want to talk about how borken my life is right now”

    Liked by 4 people

  34. THE BORKENING.

    Liked by 2 people

  35. I’ve never heard of picking a word for the year but I like the idea. I like to lie to myself and pretend my life will get better. I’m a pretty good liar 😂😂😂😂

    Like

  36. I think you may have just found the title of your new book!!!

    See how I found the sliver (ha:geddit?) lining? It’s that lining in your trousers pockets that has a sliver missing and all your coins think they’re Ferris being reborn… Except they never come back.

    Like

  37. When I read the title of this post I totally knew it meant broken and I thought, well, of course it is, we are, the whole word is broken right now, and BORKEN. Is exactly the right word, you’re a fucking genius, Jenny. And I mean that sincerely.

    Like

  38. Jenny,
    To quote another of my favorite authors’ (loosely of course) I believe Kurt Vonnegut once said “ Laughter is the soul’s way of finding relief.” I too have had a habit of laughing through all the wrong, stressful moments in life. Lol, usually I end up with a much funnier story to tell down the road. Loved the shared screen text during a conference a Victor. That would be hysterical as a show!

    Liked by 1 person

  39. I always used to think bork was the way the Swedish Chef cussed on the muppets. “Bork, bork, bork!”

    Liked by 1 person

  40. And this is why we love you and can’t stop.

    Like

  41. Oh yes, exactly! All the best people are. Happy borked up New Year everybody!

    Like

  42. Im still laughing about poor Victors confetence call lol

    Like

  43. I actually do use words…because I am so adept at breaking resolutions I usually can’t make it past noon on New Year’s Day. But you have totally inspired me, so instead of the word I had chosen, my word for 2018 will be “porpoise” probably because I’m a blow hole…or something…

    Like

  44. ConfeRence call…stoopid fat thumbs

    Like

  45. 45
    Tracy Dulworth

    You are brilliant !

    Like

  46. OMG Jenny. I love you. My spell of sour sadness has been. Broken. thank you so much. .

    Like

  47. 47
    ocularnervosa

    You need to put the copyright C on your word.

    Liked by 1 person

  48. Awesome post, thank you. 2017 was my year of borken. Hope 2018 is a bit better for both of us.

    Like

  49. I completely agree. I am completely borken, and it’s only January 1!

    Like

  50. If a cat has nine lives then it is repeatedly reborn through a plastic vagina how many lives does the cat now have ? Show your work .

    Liked by 2 people

  51. First of all bork is used regularly on Thoughts of dog twitter feed. So it’s totally a word. Slightly different context, but hey. Second I think Victor needs a work phone and a family phone. Surprised he doesn’t have one already.

    Like

  52. I refuse to believe that the way you bring in a new year is indicative of how you will spend the rest of the year. I brought in the year homeless, scared and depressed. I refuse to believe that’s what 2018 has in store for me. I need to have at least a tiny shred of hope to hold on to or I’ll fall apart completely.

    Liked by 1 person

  53. Yep! This is totally right on! My life is borken from day 1 this year. At least I’m on a roll…….

    Like

  54. The sign is really what sells it. I don’t know if you believe in some kind of higher power, but it definitely seems like the universe is saying something.

    Liked by 1 person

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  55. It’s also the sound the Swedish Chef makes.

    Like

  56. Borked is totally a word here in the UK. Synonyms = buggered, stuffed, completely fucked. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

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  57. OMG I love this. 😀
    Also..I just sort of made the YOU of crocheted things, because I can’t fucking sleep and I don’t want to binge eat.

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  58. When I was on an IT help desk we said “Horked”. My family still does. Basic definition is somewhere beyond broken or hosed…

    Borked works too

    (“Horked” is the word I use for “vomited”. Especially cat vomit. Those cats hork up all over the place. ~ Jenny)

    Like

  59. The word we use here is MUNTED, but borked is perfectly suitable too 😂

    Like

  60. 60
    PibbityBibbity

    It’s 1:33 a.m. right now where I live and I just laughed so loud I may have woke up (awoken?) the neighbors. While I, too, fear that I am always borken, I laughed so hard when I imagined the look on Victor’s face as he was standing there holding that door. He lives such an exciting life because of you and I hope he appreciates you! Sad confused Hulk. My favorite!

    Like

  61. 61
    Margret Schreck

    When someone causes me to laugh (yeah, out loud) — and especially more than once while readying one blog post — I think it’s pretty much mandatory to write and thank them for a good start to the new year. A good start for me, that is. Hopefully for the Bloggess and others as well.

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  62. 62
    Laurenannec

    It is 2 AM, and I am awake because my mind is borken, but this post made me literally laugh out loud. Thank you for sharing with us about your stabbed house & cats in office vaginas.

    Like

  63. Thank you borken-luv! Summed up my surrender completely. Nutshell: garage door wouldn’t open, pulled the rope, rope broke and I kept going. Borken right wrist, managed hosting Christmas dinner for the fam, New Years Eve bash at the bowling alley for kiddo & her crew, today is my birthday. Yup, received a rice cooker and cloth napkins. Rolled my eyes into the next century. Seriously? My birthday is January 1st. A cute calendar is a no brainer. btw: I apologize to every left handed person, everywhere. This world has been unkind.

    Like

  64. We woke up at 6am this morning to drive my husband to the airport in the dark because military and so the new year began with me and my daughter sobbing as I drove into the sunrise. My toilet is now making weird whistling noises and at some point I’m going to have to mow the lawn on my own which is terrifying enough to reduce me to tears and my 60 year old neighbor may have offered to do it for me so basically my year is “borked with a side helping of really nice people.” Which sounds much better than the thoughts I was thinking before I read your post so thank you, sincerely, for being a place of good and humor and my daughter colored in her belly button with black permanent marker while I was writing this comment dear lord grant me strength

    Liked by 2 people

  65. Of course, bork is a real word. It’s even in the glossary of my most recent novel!

    Like

  66. You might enjoy knowing that New Zealanders have a specific word for damage caused by an earthquake: munted. As in ‘it was munted’ and ‘it’s munted – meaning broken by the earthquake

    Liked by 2 people

  67. I’m going to start using borked at work–it sounds better than FUBAR-ed, which is the usual term of choice when things go horribly wrong.

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  68. 68
    Bridgett E.

    GET BORKED!! My new comeback for 2018!! Have a feeling it’s going to be very useful…

    Like

  69. I think we can all use a good borken.

    Like

  70. 70
    Stan Malcolm

    Like W.C. Field’s Og Ogleby, BORK (in a W.C. Fields’ voice) …”Sounds like a bubble in the bathtub.”

    Like

  71. My brain is borken…I initially read those cat vagina texts as coming from Victor to you. (Once I realized my mistake, all the points I had given him for awesomeness transferred to you, so…you win!)

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  72. I drove to work yesterday and a coolant hose burst. I pulled over and waited for the car to cool off. I figured it shouldn’t take long because it was 11 degrees. Then I got out and added some coolant so I could maybe be stranded at work instead of on the side of the interstate.When I got back in the car, the battery was dead because of the bitter cold. So I had to wait a half-hour for my knight in shining Buick to get there to take me in to work. Did I mention it was 11 degrees? Did I also mention that I was wearing shorts? Borken is my year, too.

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  73. I’m hoping for a year less borken this time and my only resolution (I don’t make New Year’s ones usually) was to finally stop lurking around here and thank you for getting me through 2017.
    Wonky is the non-curse word I use most often, but borken is most definitely a word in my book.

    Like

  74. BORKEN…
    I love you, Jenny.
    That is all.

    Like

  75. I love it. I always cringe at all those painted signs that say laugh, live, love. I sigh and shrug them off. I don’t need to feel worse about my state of mind. Borken is good. I hope the office vagina is fixed soon and that your house can go back to being a place of solace and comfort.

    Like

  76. We’ve all had times when everything is so messed up you just have to laugh. Borked is the perfect word to describe it

    Like

  77. We’ve all had times when everything is so messed up you just have to laugh. Borked is the perfect word to describe it

    Like

  78. Laughing at things falling apart makes everything better – at least for a few minutes while you are laughing. Happy Borken 2018!

    Like

  79. I can’t be the only one who saw that sign and thought it would be funny embroidered on the front of post partum underpants, right? Really? Just me?

    Also, borked is totally a word. 😉

    (You are not alone. ~ Jenny)

    Liked by 1 person

  80. The Bork is strong with this one…

    Happy New Year Jenny!

    Like

  81. My borken (yes, spellcheck, it IS a word!!! just added it to my dictionary) new year started early on Friday afternoon when my house got broken into while I was at work. Luckily, only property damage to the door and theft, 2 cats are fine and didn’t get out, and no vandalism inside. LOVE that sign, it’s perfect!

    Like

  82. I’m pretty sure “Borken” was a critically successful Danish show. 🙂

    Like

  83. I borked one of the cats’ dishes while I was trying to feed them this morning. Scared the crap out of all of us. Happy 2018!

    Like

  84. So THAT’S what the Swedish chef was on about all this time.

    Like

  85. So THAT’S what the Swedish chef was on about all this time.

    Like

  86. If someone offered to make me un-borken, I would smile, then kindly say no fucking way, thank you very much. You are right, Jenny, the best people are borken, and it is where the light shines the brightest.

    Like

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  87. Yep. I see I’m not the only one who conjured the Swedish Chef from the Muppets. That man based his entire entertainment career on the word “bork.”

    If it could work for him — and to the best of my recollection, he was not a talented writer — it could work for you.

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  88. That could be a country song title: “This door is borken,” or maybe a Star Trek episode.

    Like

  89. Why has no one said anything about the Swedish Chef and his bork habits? Pretty sure BORK BORK BORK is in his theme song.

    He’s a pretty good role model, now that I think about it. Not in cooking, clearly, but in doing your own thing and just being you no matter what’s going on around you. Most muppets are like that, though.

    Sorry, this got away from me. I need more coffee. Or less coffee. Hard to say at this point, really.

    Like

  90. I have a new favorite blog post from you and a new word all at the same time!!!

    Like

  91. It’s in the dictionary! Though you usage is more expansive. 🙂
    https://en.oxforddictionaries.com/definition/bork

    Like

  92. 2018: SNABU ( Situation Normal–All Borked Up).

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  93. I love these moments that seem like signs and can’t possibly be coincidence. It’s magical. 🙂 Bork bork bork. 🙂

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  94. 2017 ended VERY borken. STOP CORRECTING MY SPELLING STUPID ALIEN SPELLCHECKER… ahem. sorry. so sick @ t-giving, couldn’t eat w/ inlaws. (mil has COPD). BFF’s brother dies, then, got upper respiratory flu – too sick to go to xmas at inlaws, along w/ 10 yr old son. THAT was a fun day. Then hubby got it. I’m still hacking my way out of this. cannot wait to see how borken 2018 goes… i’m totally munted, aren’t i? FUBAR. anyone old enough to remember that one? Fucked up beyond all reality.

    Like

  95. In the spirit of first come, first serve, “borken” is officially your word for this particular revolution around the sun. Since I’m late to the party, I’ll gladly accept a mid-sentence, inexplicably capitalized “Please”. I will begin inserting it into every sentence I speak forthwith.

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  96. I am fairly certain this dude is saying “Bork-Bork-Bork”. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it,

    Like

  97. Bork – would that be the Star Trek bad guys, or the Icelandic singer?

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  98. Wow. That’s borked up! Happy Borken New Year! 🙂

    Like

  99. Hope you left a good tip

    Like

  100. You don’t find words – words find you and ‘broken’ is totally the word of the moment

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  101. Love this! Thanks as always for your honesty and humor. I’ve been feeling pretty borken these past months, too.

    One of my favorite songs from one of my favorite bands is “All My Favorite People” by Over the Rhine. The line, so beautifully said over and over in the song, is “all my favorite people are broken.” Or borken. Either way. Here’s a link—hope it works.

    Like

  102. Knorck-knorck, mother fucker

    Like

  103. You bring me joy with words, real and made up. Thank You for being You. Borken and all.

    Like

  104. As someone pointed out above, the Swedish Chef has been using “bork” for years, so it’s definitely a real word somewhere! I always been a fan of my own made up words. In college I used to tell people I was “po” because I couldn’t afford the last two letters in the word “poor”. 🙂

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  105. My husband and I have used borken for years when things are all fucked up. It is a perfectly cromulent word!

    Like

  106. To be honest, I was too afraid to leave my house for the past 3 days. I don’t want ANYTHING choosing me. Especially with my luck. Instead, I’m choosing dreams, and I’m going to journal my dreams every single day. I fully expect men in white to show up with straight jackets – sooner than later. Happy New Year!

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  107. from urbandictionary.com:

    borked
    To have totally fucked something up. Usually by doing something stupid. Specifically used to describe technology that is broken.
    Example 1….
    Admin: I totally borked my machine installing Win XP SP2.
    Example 2….
    “I can’t come over at the moment…my car is borked”.
    borked
    To have broken something so entirely, you break the words used to describe the item.
    guy 1:wtf happened to your ipad, its broken in half and the screen is melted!
    guy 2:dude, long story short, its fu**in borked.
    #broken#fubar#dilapidated#ruined#destroyed

    Like

  108. I find this whole “how you start the year is a sign” thing very troubling. I started the year in a casino by accident basically having a panic attack about ALL THE PEOPLE. I really hope that’s not going to be ANY of the rest of my year.

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  109. I am borken. I like that. I am borken in a lot of the same ways you are, and in many other ways. When asked to listed my medical issues I always start laughing, or end up laughing and people either remark about it or look at me funny. My response, “If I don’t laugh about it, I’ll start crying and never stop.”
    As for starting the new year is a sign, well, mine started out as usual, with bronchitis, in bed with tissues for company. Please don’t let that mean that this year will be the same as last.

    Like

  110. I can’t be the only person that when they read “bork is the sound a chicken makes” that I started making that sound….

    Like

  111. Urbandictionary.com defines borked: To have totally fucked something up. Usually by doing something stupid. Specifically used to describe technology that is broken.

    So yeah, it’s a word, Victor.

    Like

  112. I just think of the Swedish chef from the Muppets.

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  113. I like Victor ripping a poor door off its hinges,

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  114. I am bringing in the New Year borked as well. I am staging down off meds and officially Med-free but my body doesn’t like it and I read almost this entire article thinking ‘bonked’ and that wasn’t as funny as borked or bonged which was my second read.

    Like

  115. So, I’m a hurricane Harvey flood victim, and we are still dealing with the thorough borkenness that is that hell. But in all repair, we put tarp at the top of our stairs to help minimize dust travel, and we bought a zipper that split up the middle. Every time we’d walk through, we said “ma-ma” in a baby’s voice!!! Buahahaha!!! Great minds think alike!! Happy new year!

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  116. I too have used borked to describe broken things. And it rhymes with snorked, which is the sound of my laughter – she snorked when she read Jenny’s latest blog post. You can use snorked if you want. I’m happy to share.

    Happy New Year Jenny. I hope the rest of the year isn’t as borkable as the beginning.

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  117. That story made me laugh so hard that it gave me an asthma attack and there were tears from laughing and not breathing and the dogs looked slightly worried, but not enough to get up. They just raised their heads and then went back to resting their eyes because evidently they’re used to me…

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    FaereWolf recently posted 2018.

  118. In 1998 the Olympics were held in Nagano. Anyone who knows anything about Canada knows that ice is our playground. So, we (my family) were all watching the Speed Skating because we’re Canadians and the announcer for the race start had trouble with enunciation and said the word “Ready” in a very flat tone. So know, any time the word “Ready” comes up we all say it like the announcer in Nagano. Yes. Nearly 20 years later. And that’s not the only word. We have a virtual dictionary of words that we pronounce weirdly.

    I’m slightly jealous of your genius in making up new words but I bet you can’t say “Ready” like the guy in Nagano. And once again I’ve made this a competition. Someone needs to stop me.

    Liked by 1 person

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  119. I’m sorry everything is borken. It can’t possibly be as borken as 2017 though, right? RIGHT?!!! (Reassurance needed. We can’t get more borken.) https://possumscatsthingsgnawingatme.wordpress.com/2017/12/31/happy-new-years-2017/

    Liked by 1 person

  120. Worked in a ticket sales call center for several years. Man calls to ask about his tickets. I ask for his last name to get into his account and he doesn’t say what it is, just starts to spell it REALLY slowly. “B……O……R…….K…….” I’m waiting for the next letter then realize he’s done and his last name is Bork. I completely lost it. Thank god for the mute button on the phone because I laughed so hard I had tears pouring down my face. So, not only is Bork a word, it’s also a name.

    Liked by 1 person

  121. I have used this word and its variants for years. And I am not borked. Not currently. But seriously, (or rather not seriously), this post has made me laugh to the point that the dogs are looking at me with great concern. They are worried that I am borken. But I am not. Thanks to you.

    Like

  122. I have firmly chosen to believe that the year will be the opposite of how it starts, because otherwise my hubby and I are going to have unresolvable fights for the next 12 months. So I declare this Opposite Week. Bork that, 2018!

    Like

  123. I start my year at the winter solstice and that went well, try it next year

    Like

  124. I spent most of yesterday moping and being restless. Then I got a few things dealt with that I’ve been meaning to do forever, so that was good. But I never did get dressed. I have no idea what that means for the coming year.

    Like

    Phaedra recently posted On Solstice Morning.

  125. This. Is. Amazing. I especially love Victor’s “Oh there you are…” 🙂 🙂 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Chi recently posted Molting.

  126. Yummi? is that the owner’s name or a promise of tasty treats at the back door?

    Like

  127. I’ve used the word “borked” for half a lifetime, but when I just went to look it up there’s another meaning. Seriously … I have been using the urban dictionary meaning…but Merriam-Webster invokes Robert Bork.
    Urban Dictionary for the win – especially because it matches your door.

    Yummy Sushi…..how perfect.

    Like

  128. Bork sounds like It’s of Orken origin.

    Like

  129. Lolcats have said borked for years.
    But of course cats know. No, these incidents are not indicative of your year…plenty of things will be just fine. It’s your sense of humor that’ll get you through all the borken stuffs, tho.

    Like

  130. 131
    Karen Elves

    hahahahahahahahahaha om-freaking-g

    I about peed my pants reading your texts with Victor… and I may or may not have accidently done something similar although perhaps worse with my SO. Conference calls on laptops with texting boxes open is NOT SAFE!

    Now I’m at work and laughing my ass off but because of my-back-to-work-allergies (that happen the MINUTE I walk into the building but I’m assured that there is nothing allergy-causing in the building… yeah right, other than 37 chemical powders by the ton in the warehouse that have safety lists 3 pages long).

    Anyways back to laughing my ass off…

    Since my eyes and nose have been running non-stop, three people have now rushed into my office demanding to know why I’m crying and AM I ALRIGHT?!?!?!

    Yes I’m FINE but NO… get OUT of my way, I seriously GOTTA pee.

    So I knock the executive admin into a wall as I careen around the corner like a blind cat running away from the vacuum. Course all this racket brings everyone out of their office and cubes because it’s almost 5 and they can leave in 8 minutes. Several of them follow me into the bathroom because nothing says We’re Nosier Than Your Mother then 5 people in a bathroom built for 2 people.

    HOLY CRAP WOMAN, you seriously need to put the NSTRAW (Not Safe To Read At Work) disclaimer at the TOP of the blog so I know to wait until after I’ve peed and am safely at home 😛

    Like

  131. 132
    Jamie Hobbins

    Victors response “Oh, there you are.” made me snort. And pee myself. Good job, Victor!
    borken…..yep, that about covers it.

    Like

  132. Borken and Booteeful!!!!! xoxoxo Love you Jen!!

    Like

  133. 134
    annakiwi68

    I don’t know what’s funnier, that the door is borken and or that it’s signed by YUMMI

    Like

  134. I love the way Victor embraces who you are. Thank you Victor for letting our girl be just who she is.

    Like

  135. You are a gift that never ends…..thank you for being you!

    Like

  136. Came expecting something related to foxen…

    Like

  137. 138
    Debra Crosby

    You always do it right, in spite of what you think. I love borken – embrace it! My boob is borken and I’m trying to keep it from killing me. How messed up is that?!?!? Tomorrow I’ll go in to get the bad parts cut out. So I’ll be borking up that mess. Before it borks me up! Best of everything to you! We can do this!

    Like

  138. 139
    Pam Sowerwine

    Bork! Bork!

    Like

  139. Borked is most definitely a word. I guess Borken is, too, now. Thank you for giving your borken followers a little OLL. 😉

    Like

    emelle28 recently posted New Year, New Stats?.

  140. 141
    Curiouser & Curiouser

    I had a brand new heater installed in July. This winter I have discovered that the people who put it in BORKED the installation so that it turned itself OFF when it got COLD! Now I have had repairmen in my house 5 times to repeatedly stab me in the heater with yet another stabbing . . . er, visit . . . coming next week. (It is still slightly borked, but it will now run if we set it four degrees too high to be comfortable.) Thank goodness we are under warranty.

    Like

  141. I looked in your shop, & didn’t see the “WE’RE BORKED, VICTOR.” t-shirts, which I desperately must have. Perhaps we’re all too borken to have them set up yet. (I’ll be patient. I understand borkage.)

    (Here you go: https://www.zazzle.com/borken_in_the_best_possible_way_t_shirt-235055380587400470?rf=238233029691800410 ~ Jenny)

    Like

  142. I knew there was a major borking heading my way (lots of super stressful work stuff on Jan), so last night I put everyone on notice to not add to it. I walked in after working late to the hallway carpet plastered in a

    Like

  143. Sorry i suck at commenting…never mind

    Like

  144. 145
    Dorothy Lee Hufnagel

    I ADORE YOU.

    dot

    Like

  145. I laughed out loud (and even snorted) and can confirm that life is officially borked up right now. And you know what, auto correct didn’t even try to tell me that borked isn’t a word. How borked up is that?

    Like

  146. I really hope you’re wrong about the whole “how we ring in the New Year” bit cuz my hubby decided New Year’s Eve was THE NIGHT for trying out his new manscaping tools and I DO NOT want to spend the rest of 2018 shearing my husband’s winter growth of back hair.

    Like

  147. It’s a new lifestyle. Borken.

    Like

  148. My year is borked too. Today I got home from a trip to see my family (they gave me the flu, hitch is now a sinus infection and migrating to my lungs) and discovered that my furnace had died and I had frost INSIDE the house. The furnace has been repaired (maybe-that’s what they said last month before I left), but I don’t know if any pipes burst yet. The maintence guy (I rent) turned the water off until the pipes thaw. So tomorrow I get to see if they have to rip up my house. And the space heaters that the park (my landlords) brought me blew the breaker. Happy New Year to me, I guess.

    Like

  149. Thank you for being you, Jenny. It’s sort of a huge inspiration that all this crap is happening and your response is to talk about office vaginas and borken doors. Somehow you find the humor in pretty much everything, and it really helps me view things in my own life differently.

    Like

  150. I love this. Borken, borked, yeah. So far, this year is borked for me too, but I have hope that better things lie ahead- at least once I manage to navigate my way through the next few months of returning-to-grad-school Hell, have 2 surgeries, and maybe mostly recover before I have to start back to work again.

    Like

  151. 152
    kevin williams

    If it ain’t BORKEN, don’t FUX it !!! (and when we feel borken it’s time to get fuxed-up again)

    Like

  152. I just found out 6 days ago that I have breast cancer. I’m 37 and have breast cancer. So I’m borken, too. Can I share your word for the year?

    (Oh, sweetheart. I am sending you so much love. You can have my word and my good thoughts. ~ Jenny)

    Like

  153. I love how this word has chosen you! But now you’ve got me worried about Bjork filing for copyright infringement:). Be safe out there.

    Like

    candidkay recently posted New Year’s thoughts from the dojo.

  154. I can relate to this SO HARD. Except in my case, when there’s water, there’s also shit. Literally. More than once in the last 2 weeks. I wish I was kidding.

    Like

  155. I never considered borked a real word until I got into software development and regularly heard it from the front-end devs in the same sense of “this thing is f***** up.” I actually have whole set of vocabulary that I have learned from one of the senior devs. Others phrases include, “Shazam! A puppy!” which means “and then this surprise thing happened/showed up” and “magic weasels” used to explain the complexities of Javascript to me, your UX Designer, when you’re pretty sure I won’t actually understand the logic of what’s happening…eg, “We’ll use the API to connect and then there’s a bunch of magic weasels, but don’t worry we’ll be able to pull these things out into our app.”

    Like

  156. 157
    Rebecca in SoCal

    When I told my husband about your cat going through the office vagina, he kind of got hung up on “pussy–pussy”…but I hit the reset button on him and we’re good.

    Like

  157. You are ABSOFREAKINGLUTELY BRILLIANT 🙂 It’s the first time I’ve laughed since being cast into water purgatory hell SEVEN DAYS AGO.
    Thanks for being you.

    Like

  158. Oh my god, I love EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS.

    Like

    Awkwardly Alive recently posted Let’s talk about goals, baby. Let’s talk about you and me..

  159. I’ve used ‘borked’ for years as a substitute for ‘fucked up’. Have I been doing it wrong all this time??

    Like

  160. I freaking love you. Borken is an incredible word! I literally laughed out loud about the door… You keep doing you, you incredible borken woman!

    Like

    CrazyAsAMother recently posted Keep On, Keepin On.

  161. OH MY GOODNESS, I’m so sorry for your borken day, but I was audibly laughing out loud at your descriptions and I never do that when reading. I’m a “push air through my nose a little faster” type of person.

    Like

  162. I think I too have been chosen by “borken” for the year. The water demons in the boiler of my apartment building (which are, coincidentally, right below my apartment) are regularly tap-dancing on steel drums but cease the noise whenever the super actually brings someone in to look at it. It’s like they’re gas-lighting me. And then a couple days ago I put my hand up to grab the cupboard door and it JUMPED OFF INTO MY ARMS like it had been waiting for a trust fall or something. (Luckily for the door, I did actually catch it, and was very relieved no one was there to witness the event as it was highly undignified and I may have said something awful.) And then was informed I had to move everything from the kitchen into another room because ROACH TREATMENT, and I totally have all the time in the world to move all my dishes & appliances for a pest issue I didn’t even know we had because my apartment is too clean for damn roaches, evidently.

    This year is definitely borken. Imma need the T-shirt.

    Like

  163. Borked has long existed, I’m afraid… Check out Reagan’s Supreme Court nomination in the 1980s. Been in the national vocabulary since.

    Like

  164. My son just borked his car. We have used that word for awhile. “when you break it so bad you break the word to describe it”

    Like

  165. Borked is going to be my word of the year, too. Thank you for introducing me to it (the word, I already had the ‘experience of borked’ to open this year. Now, I feel better about it. Because I’ve heard if you can label it, you can heal or fix it (or in my case, simply meet it with compassion, as I live it). I like knowing I’m not alone in this. Thank you!!

    Like

  166. Do you sell the silver bows? If not where can I get ome

    Like

  167. Hey Jenny, can you design and sell a cool Times Up T-shirt? I don’t usually wear t-shirts, but I would wear the shit out of that.

    Like

  168. 169
    C to the G

    Borking is what my dog does when she’s not sure if she should be barking. It’s the little grunt-huff noise she makes when she sees a bird on the deck and is waiting to see if it’s trying to sell us something or just loitering. She’s curious and a bit irritated, but not enough that she’s going to get up and do anything about it. So she borks. And then she goes back to sleep.

    Like

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