You like me. Even when I don’t like myself.

This weekend I was at the 10th annual Mom 2.0 Summit and (as usual) it was wonderful and filled with fantastic people and also terrifying anxiety attacks.  I spent a lot of time hiding in my room but I did speak with these wonderful women about Imposter Syndrome.

Laura Mayes, Katherine Center, Karen Walrond and me. I’ve loved them for more than 10 years and we have never stabbed each other. Squad goals.

And I had a panic attack before the panel and small anxiety attacks during it and I babbled and I brought a sack of hair to wear because I get sweaty when I’m scared and my hair is too thin so I needed more hair to soak up the sweat so I wore a fake hair head band but then defeated the whole purpose of having fake hair by pulling it off numerous times in the panel to show how it works and I doubted everything I said and I felt like a fraud even being up there but that really just proves how well-suited I was to the topic.

Then I hated myself for a bit in my room until it was time to go to the Iris Awards but I didn’t have anyone there who could zip me up so I had to wander the halls holding my dress up in front of me until a friend took pity on me.  But then I won an award for most entertaining content!  And I was utterly unprepared as I’d spent the day feeling terrible about myself so when I got onstage I cried a little and I couldn’t think of what to say so I used the moment to apologize to the women whose boob I’d accidentally grabbed a few minutes earlier when I was pointing behind me and her boob walked into my hand and I yelled “This one’s for you, lady!” as I thrust my trophy into the air.  And then I stole a bottle of champagne and went back to my room to stop shaking but there wasn’t anyone there to unzip me so I tried to pull the dress off over my head and it got stuck on my boobs and I couldn’t breathe and I thought it would be totally like me to die with my dress over my head, suffocated by my own front-meat and then I panicked and hulked out and ripped the zipper entirely.  So, if I have a brand I definitely stuck to it fully.

(Picture by the always wonderful Wendi Aarons.)

And the next morning in the airport I thought that maybe this award is a sign that I need to stop feeling so terrible about myself and maybe have a little more confidence and stop listening to my self-loathing brain, and then they called for my group number and I stood up quickly but my purse strap was caught on the chair handle and so it slammed me back into my seat so violently I involuntarily farted and everyone stared at me because it looked like I’d been tackled by a ghost. And after my breath came back I just loudly said, “Wrong group number” so they’d look away.  And as I sat there and pretended that I was in the next group I thought that maybe being body-checked by my own purse was probably a sign too because honestly you can’t fix Imposter Syndrome by just winning an award and it was as if the universe was like, “Take a seat, lady.  Literally.  Because you’re still totally fucking broken.”

And I am, but also I’m okay.  I’m both.  And that’s what makes me me.

PS.  Thank you for believing in me when I don’t believe in myself.  You don’t know how may times you’ve saved me…from me.

*******

And on an entirely different subject, it’s time for the Sunday wrap-up!

Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

Shit-you-may-or-may-not-want-to-see:

This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by StoryWorth.  “This year, give Mom a StoryWorth Book to preserve her stories. Each week, we’ll email her a question about her life – asking her to recount her favorite memory of her grandparents, the best advice she ever got, etc. All she has to do is reply with a story, which is forwarded to you and any other family members you invite. At the end of the year, her stories are bound in a beautiful keepsake book your family will cherish!”  I did this for my dad last year and it’s been fantastic to read all of his stories that might have been lost otherwise.  I highly recommend it and its super on sale now.

 

 

142 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Congratulations Jenny on winning the award. That is fantastic.

    Like

  2. Congratulations Jenny! You certainly deserved the award. You are amazing, funny, & inspiring! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    LAL recently posted Book Love: Reading Check-In.

  3. So many things. First, is it right that I have some serious deja vu about the vision of you stuck with your dress over your head thinking you’re about to die? I think it’s right, I really do. Also, yay! you heard me, or at least enough others who were saying the same things I said. We love you exactly as you are, and if you don’t belong, then none of us do. So thank you for telling us that impostor syndrome has clutched you too, but also for showing up in life anyway and even though. So that we can too.

    Liked by 2 people

    utterimperfection recently posted Want to know how to belong even when you don’t fit in? Watch how she does it..

  4. I really don’t want to damage your brand, but I also sort of want to invent a device to help us zip and unzip ourselves when we’re alone. I mean, it’s 20-goddamned-18, why are we still relying on actual human hands to pull a zipper tab? Tongue? What is that bit called?

    Also, congratulations on your award and of course we love you. We’d love you even if you suffocated on your own boobs. Frankly, I’d be jealous; mine couldn’t suffocate a mosquito.

    Liked by 4 people

    actualconversationswithmyhusband recently posted Marvel Spoilers (not really): My Favorite Scenes from Infinity War.

  5. 5
    fallconskat

    You absolutely deserve that award! …and I’m quietly celebrating the argument WIN about driving/flying to my daughter’s house this summer. I loathe flying. I win. 😁

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I just love you. Congratulations on the award. You totally deserve it, and you are awesome, broken bits and all. xo

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Yay you! Woo hoo! ♥

    Like

  8. We love you, Jenny. And we like you too. Congratulations!

    Like

  9. 9
    A Nony Mouse

    Jenny, YOU keep ME going. The laughs you bring me are like spotlights in the dark theater that is my brain. You just keep getting tackled by ghosts and purses and farting and WINNING AWARDS YAY!!! and we will all keep coming here and telling you how wonderful you are. Deal?

    Liked by 1 person

  10. If I could reach you, I would hug you. You’re awesome sauce. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Congratulations!

    Someone made an anthem for us. “Broken” by lovelytheband.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Congratulations on the award – so totally deserved – and yay you for farting when you were slammed back into the seat by your purse.

    I thought it was only me. ❤

    Like

  13. Maybe that’s what friends are: folks who like us even when we don’t like ourselves.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. I’ve never been stuck in a dress, but I have walked through a screen door.
    The party host’s screen door.
    The party host who was my husband’s *commanding officer *.
    And nobody ever believes me when I add that I hadn’t even been drinking.

    Can we start a “Just for Klutzes Success Club?”

    Liked by 4 people

    OwnLessDoMore recently posted If Willy Wonka had been a florist instead of a candy maker….

  15. 15
    Anonymous

    Super congrats,I personally think you deserve every award ever. Also that dress is AMAZING

    Like

  16. I’ve had that “dress stuck on my head” thing happen to me, except it was in the changing room while trying it on! So I didn’t have the option of ripping it off, although I damn well wanted to. If you really are an imposter, you’re the best one I know, and my favourite. Congrats on the award.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Among the funny, identifiable situations you’ve described, the purse body-checking one is among the best. I can’t tell you how many times my purse has shown more control over my life than I’ve managed. Walking out the front door a bit late…SNAG…door handle rips purse from my shoulder, emptying contents inside the door that just slammed shut. Or resting my purse in the space between the driver’s seat and the door without realizing it’s resting on the seat recliner until I’m driving 65 mph.

    So, yeah.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Congratulations Jenny. That award is more proof of how such an amazing person you are. Your brain gremlins don’t know what they are talking about. We are all here because of you. You are hilarious and funny and compassionate and we love you for that.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. I did Story Worth with both my parents and they loved it and we all learned a lot. So worth it!

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Congratulations on your award — it is well deserved.
    More important though is that you look WONDERFUL! I don’t mean that you look smokin’ hot in your dress (although you are rocking it), but you look healthy! I know that your doctors have been poking and prodding you for over a year now and you still have unanswered health issues and you’re on that horrible diet, but despite all that you look good. Strong. And I just thought that you should know that. God bless.

    Liked by 2 people

  21. You are so beautifully and perfectly broken, and you have brought so much joy and hope to my life. Thank you, Jenny, for all of you. Congratulations, as well! A million times over I would have voted for you. I fucking love you. xo

    Liked by 1 person

    the incurable dreamer recently posted a balls-out disaster.

  22. What are the statistics for dying stuck in your clothes? I always consider this when I am shopping.

    Liked by 2 people

  23. Congrats on your reward! Totally deserved. You totally belonged there. If they ever offer an award for creative procrastination, that bad boy is MINE. If I show up on time.

    Liked by 1 person

    becomingcliche recently posted Notes From the Zookeeper: Team Player! And the Cutest Thing.

  24. I’m dreading tomorrow at work so bad that I might vomit. This comforted me. I’m glad you are you, but I’m sorry you suffer. It sucks.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. I wish your merch was available on Amazon. Because every year for my birthday and Christmas, my mother in law and sister in law ask me to send them an Amazon wish list of things that I want or need or whatever. And I would totally add your merch to my list, if only it were available on Amazon.

    I’m not criticizing you for ONLY having it on Zazzle…maybe there is a reason your stuff is not on Amazon (aside from your books, but that’s because of your publisher, I’m sure) that I am not aware of (and I know that, in general, I am not aware of MANY things. Like how Trump is president and why I’m suddenly allergic to peanut butter at the age of 39 when I’ve never been allergic to peanut butter before in my life but I’m OK with eating peanuts. But not peanut butter. It’s weird. Bodies are very weird. Especially mine. I have no idea where I was going with this.).

    Liked by 1 person

    mommatrek recently posted YEW CAN DO EEET!.

  26. I love and admire you and your writing and Hijinks bring me great joy. My broken brain is easier to live with because of you .And I worry about you like I would my real life peeps. ❤️ Thank you so much for everything.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. And congratulations! So well deserved. I’m enjoying seeing talk about imposter syndrome….I’ve thought I’ve had that for years…called it imposter theory. I should have written a book.

    Liked by 1 person

  28. From one of my favorite bands (Goli): “You’re not the only one, you’re just the only you.” Keep being unique, Jenny.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. 29
    Anonymous

    Thank you for existing and posting/writing about your life. I cannot tell you how much your blog and books have meant to me, and how they’ve changed my life. I suffer from anxiety and depression (as everyone else in grad school), and you’ve helped me accept myself.
    Thank you.

    You deserve that award, and as well as so many others.

    Like

  30. 30
    AuntKatky

    Congratulations! Please, always know that we really do love you, exactly as you are. And I think we know you love us right back. So yeah, we will all just keep saving each other from our bad brain thoughts. That’s a Squad Goal right there.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Congrats on winning the award Jenny, and there was something so familiar in your pull on, pull off hair and headband scenario. I too feel the need to TELL everyone when I’m wearing weave that its “fake” or “weave” when I get a compliment, and like you my truth serum goes beyond a HAIRSTYLE. Sending you love xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

    The Pop Culture Rainman™ recently posted The Eyes Have it for Spring 2018.

  32. Huzzah!!! Well deserved!!! The award…not the near suffocation. If it’s any consolation, I nearly suffocated myself with my own boobs when doing a shoulder stand in yoga class once. If I hadn’t literally collapsed in laughter from the ridiculousness of the situation, I might not be here with y’all today. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  33. 33
    Cassie Steger

    I always love you. Even when you feel most broken. We’re all at least a little broken. My offer for margaritas stands anytime you’re in the los angeles area. I swear I’m not a total weirdo, at least not in a bad way.

    Liked by 1 person

  34. 34
    CreatingTheRoad

    Yes, we really, really like you, Ms. Jenny Fields. I would have loved to have heard that speech. I remember telling my therapist that after reading Furiously Happy, I felt okay to be me. She’s always trying to get me to be okay with myself, so while I’m sure she was happy, she must have been thinking, I’ve got a doctorate in psychology and have been helping Cynthia for years, and Jenny Lawson comes along and writes a book and now Cynthia is okay with herself. Anyway, you are awesome.

    Liked by 1 person

  35. Hooray for wonderful you. Btw you aren’t broken you are simply honest about all the crazy crap we all go thru but don’t want to own up to except to our very best buds. That is what makes you so wonderful and perfect. And why reading your posts is like ageing let into a secret place where we are all friend and accepted for being us…even if I wrote crazy crap and it came out as crazy carp! My indecisiveness made me change it, but I know I didn’t have to. You would all understand. We all have crazy carp.

    Liked by 1 person

  36. I hate writing with my finger and a tablet that keeps changing my words. I meant being not ageing, friends not friend and I don’t know what I meant by indecisiveness but it wasn’t indecisiveness. Oh yeah, it was obsessiveness. Even if it says that isn’t a word it is me. My word.

    Like

  37. Well deserved! I never leave your blog without laughing at least a little bit. I’m pretty sure you’re not living life more clumsily then me but when my backpack bodychecks me I never think of writing a blog post about it, I just turn angry on my backpack. So, in short: Your coping mechanism are way better and I need to buy a new backpack.

    Liked by 1 person

  38. Congratulations dear ^^

    Liked by 1 person

  39. OMG I have been trapped inside dresses so many times. I know that fear. The really scary times were when I was trapped and also in a fitting room, so I had to be as quiet as possible because I didn’t want anyone else to know. Obviously those dresses didn’t fit…

    Congratulations on your award. You are certainly deserving of “most entertaining”! And I would have loved to hear you talk about impostor syndrome but I would have felt like I didn’t belong there…since I didn’t have an invitation and I would have been listening from inside the air duct.

    Liked by 1 person

  40. 40
    Kerryn Rodriguez

    This post is another in a million examples of why I love you. You are honest about how fucked up you are and that gives me hope for my own fucked up brain pulling the same shit. And while being honest you also make me laugh and realize that I too can make it if I can just embrace the suck, look at it honestly and find the humor. Thank you for always giving us the insiders look on what it is like for you to deal with your personal gremlins and give us the opportunity to find the courage to battle our own.
    You deserve all the awards!

    Liked by 1 person

  41. 41
    Richard Wilson

    I believe this is the best thing ever said about imposer syndrome:

    Because there’s a Neil Gaiman quote for almost every situation!

    Liked by 4 people

  42. 42
    gollygosh

    I LOVE YOU!!! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  43. 43
    gollygosh

    Also, Neil Gaiman’s (HERO) advice rings in my ears daily: “Pretend you’re good at it.” Impostor syndrome has always worked for me. Is that a good or bad thing?

    Like

  44. Oh God, you still make me laugh!

    Liked by 1 person

  45. You are so amazingly awesome. I wish I could shut down that voice in your head. But I need to figure out how to shut down the one in my own head first.

    Liked by 1 person

    pokerpilgrim recently posted The Best Places to Eat in Neptune Beach.

  46. BE PROUD. Congratulations!
    I know that feeling of claustrophobia.
    One time I couldn’t get out of a dress so I asked some construction workers in front of my house to unzip me. I bet they still tell that story.

    Liked by 2 people

    susielindau recently posted How to Beat Mid-Afternoon Slump.

  47. 47
    Use Your Thinkball

    Imposter Syndrome, please no. YOU are the real deal. The realest of the real. And that is what we like about you. We are all happy for your success.

    Liked by 1 person

  48. You won’t know humble until a sneeze forces out a violent fart in front of a group of 37 fifteen-year-olds (mostly boys) and you have to cover by saying that one of the dead scientists we had studied must be visiting the classroom and he’s the one who let one rip.

    Congrats and Mazal Tov on a well-deserved win (and champagne!). (BTW, lady, you look quite hotsy-totsy in that dress! GORGEOUS!!!) 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  49. I’ve worn glasses since 2nd grade and I can’t count the number of times dresses and tops have gotten caught on my glasses when trying to undress. There have been more then a few times where it’s completely taken my glasses off and they end up all tangled in the rumpled dress or shirt. (fyi, I haven’t worn a dress in probably 10 years, but it still happens with shirts!)

    On a more serious note, I’ve been struggling lately, although I’m not sure if it’s my depression rearing it’s head or the after-effects of the unexpected death of a doctor my family has been seeing for over a decade. I don’t want this to come out wrong, but I feel a million times better to read your posts and know that someone as amazing and successful and sweet as you still has struggles and still feels horrible sometimes. I’ve been in and out of therapy for over half my life but I’ve never felt the ‘I’m not alone’ as genuinely as when I read your stuff.

    Liked by 1 person

    heather26r recently posted Camp NaNo final tally, further goals.

  50. You inspire me in a way I really can’t fully express. While I cower at home unable to push past most of my own anxiety and insecurity – you are out there living IN SPITE of yours. You DO these things, even though you are anxious, even though your brain is mean to you. Some day, I might get out there too, and it will be largely due to your example. IF I do, and I ever win an award, I am going to pretend I grabbed your boob and hold up the award and shout out “This one’s for YOU, lady!”. Thank you for being brave and showing the rest of us it’s possible.

    Liked by 2 people

    Rowan recently posted #MentalHealthAwareness.

  51. You are incredibly loved, specifically for being you. I wrote you a letter to tell you this. #imreallysorryforextremeblogwhoring #brokencanbeawesome

    Liked by 1 person

    Lille recently posted open letter to jenny lawson the bloggess.

  52. This picture makes me want to be in the mush pot! You and one of my favorite people are bookends to two ladies that I’m sure are just lovely, but THE BOOKENDS! Squeee! Ya’ll are amazing. And I’ve had a glass of wine so maybe I’ve got the I love you mans…but I effing love you! And LHM! Very well deserved IRIS!! Congrats!!

    Liked by 1 person

  53. You looked gorgeous, even if you did get stuck in it later 🙂 Congratulations on your award, you so deserve it for all you do everyday for so many!

    Liked by 1 person

  54. Honestly I will always believe in you. You saved my life and I love you for that. Also your purse body checking you into your seat is so something that I would do. You deserve a million awards especially for making me laugh so hard at this post I cried.

    Liked by 1 person

  55. 55
    JenniferNennifer

    Believe in you! Like you! Quote you!

    Liked by 1 person

  56. Sounds like you had a great experience with an epiphany or two, congrats on your award, and the more important growth spurt. 😘 You inspire me lady.

    Liked by 1 person

  57. It is so validating to be able to follow you and see that I am not alone. You deserve ALL the awards ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    Andrea G recently posted I forgot how much this hurts.

  58. 58
    Julie Spilker

    Congratulations and I so hear you, i would like to come back in my next life graceful and coordinated instead of the hot mess i am now and Sharon Salzberg (i think) said we should give our inner critic a name and offer her a cup of tea (or maybe a drink and make friends with her because we spend so much time together anyway! Mine is named Harriet… Xo you are the best Jenny, thanks for being you and nobody else!! PS it says i do so have to log in to comment, and i can NEVER remember my password so i have to change it every damn time or is that just me being a hot mess again??

    (You only have to log in if it recognizes an email that had a wordpress account so just make up a fake address and it’ll work. 🙂 ~ Jenny)

    Liked by 1 person

  59. 59
    Anonymous

    Oh my god I laughed out loud at the airport situation and had to read it to my husband. You are awesome. I too have imposter syndrome so I totally understand. Congratulations on your award!

    Liked by 1 person

  60. Back zip with hook and eye closure??? Of course you got stuck: it was a trap!
    And your bag was the universe telling you to stop and enjoy the moment (but not by smelling the roses… Unless there’s something you’re not telling us about your farts?). It was really just toasting your success!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  61. 61
    Anonymous

    OMG, you had me laughing out loud yet again. When in doubt, just think of all of us who adore you for who you are….an inspiration to all who struggle daily….and feel the HUGS! Love you!!

    Liked by 1 person

  62. 62
    Lisa Yzaguirre

    If you are broken, you are wonderfully, fantastically, perfectly broken. I am in awe of the way you face your challenges, admit your struggles, and manage to be a brilliant writer and artist through it all.

    As for dresses with zippers in the back, I blame the patriarchy. Do men ever have to zip or hook anything behind their backs? Once they’ve tackled the wage gap, sexual assault, representation in government and leadership positions, women’s health care, the pink tax, and the rest of it, I think the issue of inequality in apparel should be addressed.

    Liked by 1 person

  63. Congratulations on your award! I’m sorry your anxiety had to kick up its heels a little but I’m glad you were brave and spoke anyway. I’ve totally been there with the whole dress thing, except I tried on a dress that was too small and got stuck in it in the dressing room. There’s no ripping the dress there! It was awkward and embarrassing. Thank God for sympathetic sales ladies! I hope when Imposter Syndrome kicks in, you read all the comments on this post and see how much you inspire people!

    Liked by 1 person

    Kat recently posted Conversations With Toddlers.

  64. You always deserve the awards! You are fantabulous! I have the sad affliction of hooking my pockets into door handles and finding myself on the floor. It usually happens to my scrub pants in the homes of my patients, who then look at me like they cant believe they trust me with their health care. And maybe they are right.

    Liked by 1 person

    spidergirl27 recently posted The New Dog.

  65. 65
    cherylnoble

    Hey, everybody screws up. The important thing is to laugh at your ridiculous self. Because it really doesn’t matter, and, as the most important bumper sticker I ever read said, “in ten thousand years what difference will it make?” Last week updated to … one hundred years. Still important insightful

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Liked by 1 person

  66. Congrats! You’re amazing and keep so many of Us safe and happy!

    Liked by 1 person

  67. And THIS is why I want to be you when I grow up even though I’m older than you. Congratulations!

    Liked by 1 person

  68. Roaming around a hotel hunting a random stranger to zip up your dress is perfectly normal convention behavior, I’ve done it dozens of times. One time I even sewed a strange girl’s hem up in an elevator with my handy sewing kit. There’s no need to feel self-conscious.

    Liked by 1 person

  69. 69
    Anonymous

    Firstly, congratulations on being recognized by this group! Secondly, this event could have been called The Trouble With Boobs. Third, when you took the photo out your hotel window at the group on the lawn outside, I pretend-counted how many of those people desperately wondered why they were so far from a bathroom, and what organizer had thought this was a good idea for a group with so many women. (I counted eighteen people, just praying they’d make it back to plumbing…)
    PS When you go to this thing next year, I’ve decided you need to make a taxidermy-throne for your photo ops and have it shipped in, to sit upon.

    Like

  70. Congrats to you! You DO deserve it! I love your dress and eShakti too 🙂 Pockets are the best in dresses!

    Liked by 1 person

  71. 71
    Datdamwuf

    Thank you, been struggling at work lately feeling like I don’t know what I’m doing anymore. And then I think, maybe I never really was good at this, but hell they pay me well and they think I am. But then I’m fucking up, like I’ve forgotten how to ‘just do it and stop worrying about it’. Fucking perfectionism and illness do not mix.

    Liked by 1 person

  72. Congratulations! Not just on the award but for surviving. There would be nothing worse than having discover you weeks later still wrapped right in your dress!

    Liked by 1 person

  73. Huge (pronounced: HUGE) congratulations, Jenny. Keep being you. Although not in the doubtful way 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Mona Andrei (aka Moxie-Dude) recently posted Lately I seem to know a lot about raccoons. Also, chaos..

  74. Congratulations, Jenny! I am so happy for you….and you deserve the award.

    I am so familiar with the self-hating. I hate myself almost all the time. I wake up hating myself. The only time I don’t is when I manage to distract myself with something like working hard physically, watching a movie, reading an engrossing book, hiking up a mountain……..but most of the time, I just hate myself and feel like a bad and utterly inadequate person. Worst of all, I don’t think it will ever change, and the rest of my life will just be like this.

    I value you so highly because you are beautiful physically and internally, an excellent writer and a brave person. You put yourself out there in spite of your fear, and that is courageous. You help millions of people. You make us laugh. Nothing could be worth more than that. I dearly wish that I could do for other people what you do. I understand your feeling the way you do, but please know that when one of us here says we love you, we really mean it.
    I love you and am so glad that you are on the same planet with me.

    Liked by 1 person

  75. You’ve got a head start on winning the same award next year. I was reading your post on my phone and was laughing so hard that I couldn’t hold the phone steady. I had to wait to finish reading until I’d gained control. Then I’d start laughing again. Barely made it to the end.

    Liked by 1 person

  76. I think you mean “borken”.Thank you for all you share with us. I am sorry you struggle but the fact is, regardless of how successful you may feel, you are loved. You have helped so many people, myself included. Even if you never published another word, the ones you have are powerful enough to have saved lives.
    Nothing can silence the voice and I am truly sorry. But I will never hesitate to tell you how much you have helped me in my own battle with mental health. Thank you. And congratulations.

    PS – The ghost didn’t want you to leave. He was too excited to be sitting next to someone so awesome!

    Liked by 2 people

  77. Oh man, I’m so so so familiar with the anxiety goblin in the back of your head after you have any substantial conversation with someone you don’t know well. Even if you didn’t say anything even remotely questionable, you can feel it raking through everything you said over and over and searching frenetically for something to criticize. Not fun.

    (Additional case in point: habitual re-re-re-rereading my own comment before posting. Screw you, brain.)

    Liked by 1 person

  78. Hi Jenny- Not to be a downer, but I feel bad when you say you are broken because I really don’t think that you are. I know it is pretty much your brand and your past experiences. But, I think it no longer applies to you. I’ve read your books, blog etc and I know what you’ve said and what you’ve described going through. And I believe all of it. But at some point, I think that each of us needs to let go of our past titles and embrace our current self.
    You are not especially broken, you seem sort of average-person broken with strong symptom management capabilities. I hope you can love who you are soon. You are very loved by many people who could also benefit from knowing that you made it out of the darkness and into the light.

    Liked by 1 person

  79. 79
    Anonymous

    I’m so happy for you Jenny! You deserve infinity awards! When I read what you write it always makes me smile and laugh! Thank you for bringing happiness into my life. I wish I could give you a big hug, but I’m sending it to you here. Thank you, sweetheart!

    Liked by 1 person

  80. Also – I just ordered a 6 more copies (from a local book store) to put all around the cancer center I receive my chemo at. The next time you are selling autographed copies, I will buy more to place in more of the libraries around the center. I may even give some to my fellow chemo buddies. A lot of us have a similar outlook on our situation. Your book helped me deal with not only the depression and anxiety that I have had for since before I was diagnosed, but it has also helped me get though the times my mental health is in decline due to my condition.
    So again – thank you. I am sure you will have new fans thanking you soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  81. You’re not broken, you’re borken! Beautifully, bravely borken.

    P.S. Dear dictionary people or NSA or whoever else can help, please recognize borken as a words to the silly autocorrect crap will stop.

    Liked by 1 person

  82. Congrats on your well-deserved award. And thank you for your purse/chair anecdote. As someone who can’t wear the lanyards they like to give me at work unless I’ve suddenly developed a desire to strangle myself, I can identify with that.

    Liked by 1 person

  83. 83
    Lostdotter

    Oh my god, Jenny, I am laugh-crying at work reading this! I “met” you through Furiously Happy a little over a year ago and have been a huge fan ever since. I didn’t even know Imposter Syndrome was a thing until a few months ago when my new friends in #TheBloggessTribe talked about it, but I think I might have it. Except on the days when I think I’m just being dramatic and I’m really just a broken toy after all. I don’t know if that’s a symptom of Imposter Syndrome or not, but reading your blogs and Twitter posts makes me feel a little less alone. Thank you for everything you do!

    Liked by 1 person

  84. Congratulations, Jenny ! This is Fantastic and Good For You ! Published and rewarded; could so many be so wrong ??? I think NOT Girlfriend ! 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼

    Liked by 1 person

  85. Congratulations Jenny! You’re a fucking superstar!

    Liked by 1 person

    findingsatoriblog recently posted Why I Cut My Hair.

  86. Congratulations! By the way you described your version of events, I can’t help but feel that everyone around you just saw a funny, relatable, quirky and likeable lady while you freaked out on the inside! x

    Liked by 1 person

    KezUnprepared recently posted Taking Stock: May 2018..

  87. 87
    Anonymous

    “Impostor Syndrome” — I dunno. Maybe you feel guilty for marrying a rich guy and letting him support your neuroses. But then… your neuroses started paying some of your bills! Whoa! As a feminist, I think you’re funny, Jenny, but also extremely annoying — constantly playing the “sick little girl who needs support.” Does that impotent child role ever get old for you? At what point do you finally grow up?

    (I married my husband when I was 22 and we were very poor. We both worked nights and got grants to help pay for college because we were poverty level for years. We almost lost our first house and had to borrow from my parents to keep from bankruptcy when he was unemployed. His family has never helped us in any way whatsoever. We are now in our mid-40’s and after lots of work by both of us we have enough money to pay the bills and I’m eternally grateful for that, although I know that at any moment that can change. At what point do I finally grow up? With any luck…never. That seems a terrible trick to fall for. I wish you luck. When my anxieties are wearing at me I can find myself feeling mean…jealous of others who easily do the things my mind won’t let me do. When I see someone angry at me I assume it’s the same and I understand that. I wish you well. ~ Jenny)

    Liked by 1 person

  88. I love you! You help me feel a little better about myself. Thank you

    Liked by 1 person

  89. Congratulations! You deserve all the success and awards in the world. You may have farted in public, but you’re an Award Winner who farted in public, and no one can take that away from you :-).

    Liked by 1 person

  90. You may be able to convince yourself that you have all the value and charm of a soggy peanut shell, but you aren’t fooling anyone else, lady.
    I tend to panic too, when I can’t get that bracelet or ring off, or when my t shirt gets attacked by my glasses as Im trying to remove the shirt, or any other time Im trapped in clothing (the worst is in a dressing room in a crowded store) and it’s all wadded up around my middle…

    And that brave “Anonymous” poster up there, who has obviously never taken a wrong step in her life, and walks all over anyone who has…shame on you, Anonymous. Try posting with a name.

    Liked by 1 person

    judyt54 recently posted It just keeps getting better and better.

  91. Congrats to you Jenny for receiving the award and for being you and sharing you with all of us…

    Liked by 1 person

  92. Love you,Jenny!

    Liked by 1 person

  93. Thanks for your humor and loveliness, Jenny. And to Anonymous—-wow, you sure are the turd in the punch bowl, now aren’t you?

    Liked by 1 person

  94. Well earned, well deserved!

    Liked by 1 person

  95. I totally do not want a pixelated chicken lurking about on my ankle, but I lurve those socks. I have HUGE feet… 13+ – but I am willing to take a chance on your socks. That being said, when I try to add them to my cart, I get this giant warning message about Beyonce being pixelated. Do I want this? Will it, in fact, happen? Or am I going to get a “drawn to exact scale” image of a quasi-normal Beyonce on my ankle? Let’s hope for the latter, but if you can let me know for sure, they are sitting in my cart….

    Liked by 1 person

  96. Congratulations! You’re awesome, Jenny. And to “Anonymous” (you brave, brave girl), how do you come to think that someone is annoying and constantly playing a part, unless you’ve formed that opinion by constantly following them. Have you nothing else to do? Stop following her. Duh. End of annoyance.

    Liked by 1 person

  97. Love the pic! You are beautiful! Congrats!

    Liked by 1 person

  98. There seems to be an episode of ridiculousness devoted to raccoons, featuring a stuffed raccoon.

    Liked by 1 person

  99. Why are we our worst critics? You are wonderful! Trust me more than your lying brain, K? Congratulations!!!! (Hubby wants to know “was it real” – the boob – men only think of one thing when you say boob)

    Liked by 1 person

  100. 100
    Liz Ashe

    I should learn not to read your stuff at work. They already think I’m deranged. The hunched over in my cubicle hiss-laughing like Muttley because I am trying not to cackle loudly does not help. Also, I feel you on the dress. Been there.

    Liked by 1 person

  101. Congratulations! I hope you notice the proportion of positive to negative messages in your comments and know that means you are okay just as you are. There will always be trolls (sometimes in our own heads and sometimes as anonymous commenters), but they are never more important than the love. I am a bit of a lurker on your blog, but your candor has really helped remind me that I’m okay as I am too. As Louise Penny would say, I’m F.I.N.E. (Fucked-up, Insecure, Neurotic, Egotistical).

    Liked by 1 person

  102. 102
    Anonymous

    Congratulations and thank you so much. I just saw a,shitty comment and I kind of want to punch the person for being a dick.I love you!

    Like

  103. Your dress is “currently unavailable.” You broke Amazon.

    Liked by 1 person

  104. If I were straight, I would try to strike up an awkward conversation with Karen, and then get unnerved by her dreaminess and run away. But since I’m not, is she by any chance in the market for a gay best friend? Because I’ve got first-rate GBF skills. References available upon request.

    Liked by 1 person

    Thomas (MJ) recently posted I do NOT live for the applause, Ms. Germanotta. Not any longer..

  105. You deserve every award you win (and then some). And you look beautiful in that dress. The zipper can be fixed. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  106. Heads up Jenny- If I ever see you out and about, I will come up and hug you because your awesome sauce is a special brand of awesome sauce that’s scarce. My hug will probably cause you great anxiety and me great embarrassment, for that I apologize in advance (but now you’re expecting me, so you should be prepared). FYI, I’m a tall brunette with boobs (hey, you brought up boobs), and consider my build athletic (I don’t know if others would call my build athletic, but this is my description of me, hence, athletic I am). I never wear headbands, but I usually wear earrings, and forget contacts because I’m too lazy, so I’ll have on glasses. I imagine many people will want to hug you, so hopefully this description tips you off it’s me. Oh, I almost forgot – Congrats! You totally deserve an award.

    Liked by 1 person

    Olivia Arquette recently posted Wait, it’s Vodka.

  107. Jenny, sorry I’m late for the comments. I’d just like to say you are beautiful, inside and out. And I feel your pain where thin hair is concerned – the anxiety/panic. My receding hairline makes my forehead look bigger than my actual face. A doctor told me my hair loss has to do with years of anxiety.

    Liked by 1 person

    Mamacita recently posted Tolerance.

  108. 108
    SasaBella

    Hi Jenny! Wow – that is amazing news! Congrats!!! Also- you look fab in those photos!

    Liked by 1 person

  109. What makes us weird, makes us wonderful … You’re just fine just the way you are

    Liked by 1 person

    slappyintheface recently posted Simplify Your Sleep Space.

  110. You are lovably crazy, Jenny. You are also an inspiration to me as a writer and somebody who suffers from anxiety.

    Liked by 1 person

    Wolf of Words recently posted A to Z Challenge Reflections 2018.

  111. 111
    Marjorie Szeligo

    Once when I was the hostess of a party, I went to the bathroom wearing a one-piece romper and GOT STUCK with it halfway on/off! I was wrestling with it in full panic mode thinking ” will they find me here? will I die alone or just from embarassment? Love you, it makes my day when I see that you have a new post. Thank you

    Liked by 1 person

  112. A whole lot of us creatives have Imposter Syndrome. And those awkward moments. Keep sharing!!

    Liked by 1 person

  113. You are a fabulous human!
    The Real Jenny human, The Imposter Jenny human, The Broken Jenny human, The Whatever Jenny human.
    All the Jennies are simply fabulous and I adore every one of them.
    Congratulations.

    Liked by 1 person

  114. 114
    Jenny M.

    Jenny, you are the absolute greatest and you deserve everything wonderful that comes your way. Congrats on your very well earned award!!! I also majorly applaud you for attending!!! That’s courage sister…more than I could ever do. You are an inspiration to me everyday. Thank you for being yourself. The unfortunate events you had btw.. Omg.. That is my life every.. single..day!! Yes, my nervous/anxiety produced calamities are so epic my family asks me to tell my stories so that they can laugh and feel better about themselves. I needed your post today-my anxiety is in super overdrive-seeing my orthopedic doctor to find out my MRI results today to see if I need surgery and my asshole of a landlord has construction guys dropping anvils upstairs and they are parked in front of my garage so I have to ask them for the 17th time (in the past 3 weeks) to move their cars so I can go to my doctor app.. This is putting me in a social anxiety tailspin. Thanks for making me laugh and smile today!!

    Liked by 1 person

  115. 115
    Everything Matters

    Congratulations!! I’m so happy to see you doing well!

    Okay, I can completely relate to the stuck-in-the-dress moment. I got trapped in my own Spanx a few years ago, and all I could think was that my friends would hear how I died and say, “That sounds about right.”

    Liked by 2 people

  116. 116
    Jim Finley

    Congrats, Jenny! You deserve it.
    Never gotten clothes stuck over my head – however, we have levers instead of knobs on all our doors because of my arthritis, and I’ve lost count of the times I’ve walked past a door and had the lever slip itself into my hip pocket and yank me to a halt while the door hit me in the back. So basically the same thing in a different form.
    Once I heard a friend in a recovery program say in a meeting, “The reason this works is that we’re never all crazy on the same day.” But we’re all broken and we all have imposter syndrome, except for perfect people like Anonymous above who’ve apparently never actually done anything. Leonard Cohen said in one of his songs that we need the broken places because that’s how the light gets in. I don’t want to be all dark inside.

    Liked by 1 person

  117. […] Jenny Lawson told us that she literally writes on her arm “JUST PRETEND YOU’RE GOOD AT […]

    Liked by 1 person

  118. 118
    Diana Tallent

    My theory on purse strap body slamming, which happens to me often enough that I have in fact developed a theory on it, is that my spirit ancestors are holding me back for a second so that I avoid some catastrophe that would have happened if they hadn’t. I am not even joking.

    Liked by 1 person

  119. 119
    Remy Tankel-Carroll

    You absolutely deserve that award and you totally rocked that dress, too!

    Liked by 1 person

  120. Oh Jenny, you are the least imposter-like person on the planet. You are genuinely you and we all couldn’t be prouder. Also, congrats on having boobs that can totally stop a dress in its tracks!

    Liked by 1 person

  121. YOU are awesome!!!~ Congrats and NO you will never die with your dress over your head 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  122. Congrats! And take solace in the fact that A LOT of people deal with similar problems–you’re just brave enough to be completely honest about it.

    Liked by 1 person

    The Midnight Goose recently posted Peanut Butter Meltdown.

  123. […] 너는 나를 좋아해. 심지어 나 자신이 싫어. You like me. Even when I don’t like myself. […]

    Like

  124. 124
    Anonymous

    PS Thank you for linking Will Wheaton’s writing on what his experiences have been, living with depression and anxiety. It feels so good to have people who will simply tell the truth, and his writing reaches out past the screen.
    I thought back to the character he created for Star Trek and that young boy did have a kind of wide-eyed vulnerability. I’d thought that was clever acting- after all, one boy among all those throbbing and sexy adults doing SPACE. Now I know it was too true and it was coming from Wil himself.
    It does make one wonder why no one was looking out for him or saw how he struggled. But, as every child actor grows up to tell us, it’s all about the munnies for their handlers…
    So generous of him to post and it surely gave him the ability to get some space from it and stop carrying it around in secret.
    It’s like my brother says about a fart: There’s more room Out than In. -be well

    Like

  125. 125
    Anonymous

    #87, Holy wow, human- who broke your heart? Whose heart did you break? Pick up a blank journal or click New Document in something -and start writing.

    Like

  126. You are the best! When I need a pick-me-up, I go back to the email in for Dead Duck Mystery SOLVED in my inbox and reread that. Makes my day all the time!

    Liked by 1 person

  127. CONGRATULATIONS! You deserve this award for so many reasons, and this post is evidence of that. This line in particular really resonated w/ me:

    ” …and I felt like a fraud even being up there but that really just proves how well-suited I was to the topic.”

    As always – hilarious, honest, relatable. Thank you, Jenny Lawson!

    Liked by 1 person

    Jillian Ho-Lung recently posted untitled 4/22/18.

  128. You looked beautiful, and you absolutely deserved that award! You are the funny voice of truth that so many of us use to help us fight the bullshit that mental illness, or just life in general, throws at us. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten into an anxiety-thought death spiral, or a depression pit, and I whisper to myself “Depression lies. Depression lies. Depression lies.” or “Anxiety lies. Anxiety lies. Anxiety lies.” Thanks for being brave, and being you. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  129. It’s all fun and games until you involuntarily fart. (Even worse when you involuntarily fart while voluntarily coughing because it looks like you’re trying to cover up a fart with a cough?) Am I the only person who blames it on the dog? You should have just blamed it on the dog.

    PS, Am now considering giving your raccoon socks as a wedding present.

    Liked by 1 person

  130. 130
    Anonymous

    You are an extraordinary woman. Thank you for teaching me to laugh at my own crazy by sharing yours.

    Liked by 1 person

  131. […] me and stepped out despite how hard it is and spoke about this feeling.  And to Jenny Lawson, The Bloggess , thank you for helping me to laugh at myself because I see myself in everything you […]

    Liked by 1 person

  132. I bought Irby’s book, and I am glad—- and I mean this in the nicest way possible—- that you are rural.

    Liked by 1 person

  133. Congratulations on your trophy. My condolences on your zipper repair project.
    And once again a request for a Rory with or without Beyonce — but without the MOFO, so I can give something to my sixth grader who is crazy about raccoons.

    Liked by 1 person

  134. Yes there are devices to help you unzip yourself. Here’s just one. https://www.amazon.com/Zipper-Hook-Helper-Yourself-Designer/dp/B071YM9NJT

    Liked by 1 person

  135. Right O and Right On.
    Great pics. Great Award. Great Words. Just think of how much your content has brought so many people together united in the sometime struggles in life.

    @WriterDann

    Liked by 1 person

    Dann Alexander recently posted “Writing With “E’s” Part 3 – Ending..

  136. Well done, that woman!!

    Liked by 1 person

  137. This reminds me of Jane Fonda’s post on instagram when she slept in her gala dress because she had no one at home to unzip it for her. She posted before and after photos and it was wonderful. Made me feel better about that time I thought I was going to have to buy a dress because I’d tried it on in the fitting room and couldn’t get out of it. Finally flagged down a staff member at the store to help me get changed. https://www.instagram.com/p/BbLHMrqjOpX/?utm_source=ig_embed

    Liked by 1 person

  138. Congratulations on both the well-earned trophy and the champagne theft…and just for getting on a plane and doing the conference, which are decidedly non-impostory things to do.

    Liked by 1 person

  139. 139
    Molly Bonovsky Anderson

    Congratulations; you deserve it. I never believe people when they tell me that so it’s OK if you don’t believe me but I hope you do.

    Liked by 1 person

  140. 140
    Lady Macbeth

    Congratulations on your well-deserved award!

    I, and clearly tons of other people, believe in you. Always. Even when I never believe in myself. Irony is a bitch.

    Thank you for the link to Wil Wheaton’s speech. It made me cry.

    Liked by 1 person

  141. 141
    Danielle E.

    Congratulations to you!!! You also looked so pretty in your dress 🙂

    PS- You’ve saved me a lot too. Your blog is what gets me through the day A LOT.
    ❤️❤️❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  142. I think you are amazing and beautiful inside and out! Thank you for always making me laugh, since laughter really is the best medicine! YOU ROCK!

    Like

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