The first meeting of the Bloggess Book Club

Remember when we started a book club but then I forgot about it?  Well I remembered again so today we’re totally doing it.  Get your wine out.

Our first book club read was The Haunted Vagina by Carlton Mellick III and IMHO it was pretty amazing.

(Also, some people seem to think that IMHO means “In My Honest Opinion” but those people are super wrong because the H stands for “Humble” and it always has so quit it.)

I shared few of my favorite excerpts from the book on instagram but most of the best ones contains spoilers so you’ll have to read them for yourself.

Part 2 of #bloggessbookclub. Details on the blog.

A post shared by Jenny Lawson (@thebloggess) on

 

Overall, I give The Haunted Vagina four out of five stars.  My only complaint is that it was too short and that Victor wouldn’t let me read it out loud to him in bed.

Next up for Bloggess Book Club?  Every Time We Meet at the Dairy Queen Your Whole Fucking Face Explodes.

79 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Can you do an audible version Jenny? I’m sure many of us would listen to you doing the reading.

    Liked by 9 people

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  2. Unfortunately, the only ebook version that Barnes & Noble sells appears to be in German, a language I don’t think I can learn in time to be part of the discussion.

    Liked by 3 people

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  3. I would totally listen to you read in bed. Not in a weird way. Or in a weird way. Makes no difference.

    Liked by 5 people

  4. I share my Amazon account with my mother for the Prime subscription, so if she saw this in my order history… I’d have a lot of ‘splainin to do 😀

    Liked by 2 people

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  5. I was just left in a confuzzled state after reading that book. I tried to explain that plot to someone who saw me reading. Recommendation don’t do it in public spaces

    Liked by 3 people

  6. 6
    Spiffygirl602

    That’s a real book?? The Dairy Queen one??? Fuck. Me. I’m getting that book.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. 7
    Spiffygirl602

    Also I’m with Michelle up there. You can come over, and read to me in bed. She can come too. It’s a goddamn party Victor can come, but he better bring good snacks and booze and he gets last pick of spots on the bed, even after the dog.

    And it’s not weird unless someone’s naked. So everyone weer clothes.

    Liked by 3 people

  8. The best part is that, on the cover, it says, “From the author of APESHIT.” I think that needs to be put on the list….

    Liked by 1 person

  9. So Victor only gets 3 out of 5 stars?

    Like

  10. I bought this book, but haven’t read it yet. I am hoping to do so this weekend! 🙂

    Like

  11. My husband, John, is sitting across from me in a cafe on the cruise ship The Norwegian Getaway on which we’re taking our first ever cruise. We’re docked in Roatan, Honduras today. I read the titles of the books to him. His response? “Those aren’t real books,” so I showed him the picture. He’s suitably impressed.

    Liked by 3 people

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  12. Loved the Doctor Who shout out. 🙂

    Like

  13. I’m at work so I really don’t think I should play any of your videos right now. On a more humourous note, one of my board members is a manager of several Dairy Queens. I wonder if he is familiar with the next book???

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Unfortunately, I’m at work, so 1) I can’t drink wine, which really sucks because if there’s anywhere I REALLY need wine, it’s work. And 2) I can’t see Instagram or your Instragram posts on this blog at work because they have it blocked and I already had my ass handed to me today for being on my cell phone too much. Hence, why wine would be really good right now.

    Like

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  15. Every time I go to Dairy Queen my whole rectum explodes. Am I right guys??? IRONIC WINK

    Like

  16. I read The Haunted Vagina and was like “Wait..this is some messed up shit right here.” and couldn’t put it down, honestly.

    Liked by 1 person

    mommatrek recently posted You Can’t Fix Stupid–Disney Restaurant Edition.

  17. 17
    Cassie Steger

    I guess Im ahead of the curve. I finished Every time we meet at the dairy queen your whole fucking face explodes..a week ago. Spiderweb girl indeed.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Jenny, you are like the Mr Rogers of weirdness or something…but in a good way..LOL

    Liked by 1 person

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  19. 19
    Cassie Steger

    I read the first chapter out loud to my husband in my bored librarian voice. He was so intrigued he read it too. A better read than I was anticipating, definitely too short, needed more character development. Would have liked a more in depth look of the vagina world and what, exactly, the lives of the skeleton people were like.

    Like

  20. 20
    Zoe Cooper

    I liked it more than I thought I would, although I really wasn’t sure what to expect.
    Handsome is somewhat bemused by my foray into a previously unknown fiction genre, but since it’s Jenny at the helm he’s okay with it. 😉

    Like

  21. It’s too bad Amazon doesn’t have a way for me to just subscribe to this, and have the books automatically be purchased. Then they’d appear, and I’d be very confused about what I was thinking when I got them and how I even found them until I saw your post, and I’d NEVER LEARN to just assume first thing that it was a book club book.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. …Were the skeletons in her vagina???

    Like

  23. That Dairy Queen book sounds funny, but it might be really cool if the club also sometimes used books that are available at the library. My budget doesn’t support buying books regularly, but I would love to join the discussions. 🙂
    Love you, Jenny.

    Like

  24. Thank you, thank you, Jenny, for giving me the first laugh of my day! Every time I turn to your blog, I bust out laughing! You are awesome, and I am totally going to get these books and hurry up and read them to catch up with you all

    Like

  25. 25
    CreatingTheRoad

    Maybe we need to support an Amazon bookclub wishlist. For those who can’t afford to buy these priceless classics. And for people who would love to have a public book wish list that has The Haunted Vagina. Also, listening to you read aloud from the book made my day 1000% better. And yes, that is mathematically possible.

    Like

  26. And now my reading recommendations are as polluted as my amazon shopping recommendations…

    Like

  27. 27
    Anonymous

    That truly sounds like it was written by a 14 year old girl.

    Like

  28. 28
    @lisalulu32

    I kept expecting a more nefarious plot. Happily it was not as my troubled brain was considering. 4 out of 5 stars here too. Bizarro fiction is my new favorite genre. Can’t wait for the next read.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. I agree! 4 out of 5. definitely Bizzaro!

    Like

  30. 30
    Anonymous

    I’m expecting the author to respond to this Blogger Army- caused uptick by penning you a gracious Thank You note and yes, I do mean on the good stationery, with a black-ink pen. Fountain, please.
    Also I’d like Carlton Mellick, III to leave some autographed copies in places readers can find them. If that can be done with a Haunted Vagina book.

    Like

  31. 31
    Anonymous

    Ordered and read it in one sitting. A fantastical journey into the female genitalia complete with everything you’d expect female genitslia to contain. And a flaky male protagonist to boot. 5 stars.

    Like

  32. If book club consists of you reading books to us, I’m all for it. I got both your books in audiobook as well as print format because I like to have you read to me whilst I am in transit… helps me deal with the ‘it’s people-y’ anxiety.

    Liked by 1 person

  33. 33
    Valleycat1

    I may have to read this just to find out how this happens “every time” as opposed to just once.

    Like

  34. 34
    CrankyFrankie

    With a title like that, I’m in!

    Like

  35. Wait. Are we critiquing The Haunted Vagina, or the exploding face book? I need to know which book to read first.

    Like

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  36. 36
    Brandi D.

    Dare I click the digital library’s recommend button on this?

    Oops. Too late!

    Also, I think the cover our digital library shows is much more haunted vagina-y.

    Like

  37. I gave my husband a synopsis of the book.
    Husband:so do you think we are all insode a giant vagina right now?
    Me: Probably, seems like God’s design
    Hisband: A Vagiverse

    Liked by 1 person

  38. 38
    Anonymous

    Ummm…this author also wrote the interestingly titled “ The Menstruating Mall.” Who IS this man and is his muse a demon from another dimension?!?

    Like

  39. 39
    Kristin747

    I finished this in one sitting, it had me enthralled! LIke a car wreck I couldn’t look away.
    I am forever changed. I will have nightmares for days. Yet now I NEED to read all of his books!!

    Like

  40. Yea! A book club that I actually read the book for!

    I choose to read this month’s selection on the airplane as I flew to my sister’s for my nephew’s HS graduation. I found the book a fast and easy read and felt it did just the right amount of announcing to the old(er) ladies sharing the row with me that I did not in fact want to talk.

    As an owner of a vagina, I found some of the character’s blase reaction to be just a little unrealistic. But much of the rest was a fun frolic into the strange ways we connects with our hook-ups and that many people with literally do anything for hot sex.

    Like

  41. Have you seen “Tender Wings of Desire”? It’s the KFC/Colonel Sanders romance.

    Like

  42. So has anyone invited Carlton to our book club? I have to say I’m interested in someone who writes books like this… or at least with book titles like this since I haven;t read either yet. Perhaps we need an author video with him explaining his writing ideas.

    Like

  43. Obviously the H stands for Humble, because IMNSHO stands for In My Not So Humble Opinion. It’s not “in my not so honest opinion”. Get it together, Internet.

    Liked by 2 people

  44. I am trying really very hard not point out that 3 of the 5 elements of plot are rising action, climax, and falling action.

    Because that would be easy and wrong.

    Kind of like a haunted vagina.

    Like

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  45. You reading parts of the book was amazing. Instead of book club can we have story time where you read to us. It would make my life so much more amazing.

    Like

  46. 46
    Anonymous

    I’m currently reading The Cannibals of Candyland. Same author. My local library has a suprising number of his books

    Like

  47. 47
    Garry Lee

    Just ordered it from Amazon. Looking forward to reading it.

    Like

  48. Ok have you read the exploding face book yet? It’s only 2.99 on Kindle and I want to get it to read it for our book club but I have a spider phobia and I’m scared of what might be in it. Can you read it and let me know if it will trigger something that will make me stay under the covers for the next two weeks? I am specifically worried about pictures, even drawings, but also graphic descriptions might be problematic. Yes, I’m weird. Join the club….wait you started the club. Never mind.

    (I just ordered it so it doesn’t come in until tomorrow. Sorry! ~ Jenny)

    Like

  49. 49
    Stephen F

    I have to admire the fact that someone could come up with a story featuring a haunted vagina. As weird as it is, it does demonstrate truly imaginative storytelling. I suppose the male equivalent might be a demon possessed talking penis. I hasten to add that I have no interest in exploring that premise. I prefer “naughty bits” without supernatural powers at work. Just plain old prurient interests for me please.

    Like

  50. I already replied about my experience with The Haunted Vagina. But I have to say that your next book club choice made me laugh out loud. I don’t know what I love more–the artwork, the title itself, or how the title is so oddly specific.

    Like

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  51. Thank you for reminding me, though I’m not sure how I managed to forget about The Haunted Vagina. You’d think that’d be pretty memorable. The good news is there are UK rights to it on Kindle (long story, but I didn’t want to lose all of my books so I have to keep that account), so for the bargain price of £3.97 I am in for the first meeting of the Bloggess Book Club. Not sure what this says about it, but I’ve also bought Every Time We Meet at the Dairy Queen Your Whole Fucking Face Explodes for a measly £2.14. It is rated 5/5 so I think you’re on to a winner.

    Like

  52. Gosh. That would really ruin Dairy Queen for me if your face exploded there all the time. Just saying.

    Like

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  53. 53
    Anonymous

    On behalf of all indie authors (but especially that guy) thank you for the boost!

    Like

  54. drops everything in life to read this book

    Like

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  55. Jenny please yourself and use the full expression. It has served me well.

    “In my humble but correct opinion.”

    Like

  56. Can I sugest a book for the club? It’s called ”bimbofication day – boring to bimbo”, by Reagan Lockhart. I have to catch up with the club, Haunted Vagina is super expensive on Amazon BR 😦 I’m tempted to by the paperback instead of the kindle version, I think my bookshelf has a lot to gain.

    Like

  57. 57
    Queen of the Weezils

    Why? Whhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?

    I just put in on my reading list. Why not?

    Like

  58. Loved the vagina book, I then went on to read the Dairy Queen one, so I guess I was reading ahead, dang. I concur with the 4 out of 5 stars.

    Like

  59. I am so bummed, this is not carried at my library. It looks like a great read.

    Like

  60. Amazon really needs to get better about its family library settings… luckily I discovered that covers show up on my child’s “protected” account BEFORE I indulged in some of the romances I like. The covers are aimed at me, not my sixth grader.

    Like

  61. Thank you for going on to explain what IMHO means. I was stumped and stopped reading at that point, and started guessing. I think I like “In My Head Only” better.

    Like

  62. 62
    hankgillette

    What is wrong with Victor? I would think that having your wife read to you about vaginas, in bed, no less, could lead to some very interesting activities.

    Like

  63. I am conflicted – your book selections intrigue me, but I’m too cheap to buy books (and my husband hates when I get more books). My library doesn’t carry them. I guess I will have to live without the knowledge of why the vagina is haunted and why the exploding face…

    Like

  64. I was just looking to order this, and because my husband has Prime, he threatened to take my laptop away if I ordered it on his account.

    Like

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  65. good

    Like

  66. This sounds so funny! I’ll have to check it out! Thanks for sharing it with all of us!

    Like

  67. We need a royal wedding post from you!

    Like

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  68. 68
    Crop Tiger

    I ordered The Haunted Vagina through interlibrary loan, read it, was mildly confused and unsatisfied, then passed it on to one of my fellow librarians. Unfortunately I can’t get the newest pick through ILL, so I’ll have to pass, because I have to pay for a cruise.

    Like

  69. After listening to those excerpts, I am 100% certain those books need to be made into full length motion pictures.

    Like

  70. 70
    Brenda M N

    https://www.google.ca/amp/s/bookriot.com/2017/08/21/book-club-discussion-questions/amp/
    I’m thinking #6, #12, and #20 would generate some chatter

    Like

  71. I read The Haunted Vagina and I was like WHAT THE HELL DID I JUST READ but also it was hilarious and just the escapism I needed. If anyone wants me to send them my copy I’d be happy to donate it to another Bloggess Book Club member. It will make you… happy? freaked out? I dunno. It’ll certainly take your mind off life for a while.

    Like

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  72. This is my new favorite book club! I can’t wait for the next one. I am taking that Victor is more of a classics guy?
    My latest blog post (since it won’t take my link): https://ontheothersideofnormal.blogspot.com/2018/05/the-mutating-monster.html

    Like

  73. I downloaded the book as soon as you mentioned it a few weeks ago and like you read it in one sitting. Since then, I have downloaded about two dozen more of his books. I loved APESHIT and am currently working on the CANNIBALS OF CANDYLAND. Good stuff.

    Like

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  74. 74
    Anonymous

    Jenny,
    I’m a long time fan and could use some friendly advice. As someone who suffers from depression, I have appreciated your descriptions of what depression is like and how to cope. Recently I’ve started dating someone who suffers from severe anxiety. Most of my understanding of anxiety comes from reading you. It has helped me to understand why, no we can’t go out to one of my favorite restaurants because it’s too crowded for him and yes we need the blinds closed to be close. I’ve gotten him to sign up for therapy and I try to listen and not push. Can you or Victor make suggestions for what else I can do to be supportive and be hopeful this will get better with time?
    Thank you for everything. You are wonderful and I love you,
    Alexis

    (The best thing you can do is what you’re already doing…listening and understanding, or at least trying to. You have no idea how much that makes a difference. ~ Jenny)

    Like

  75. A Public Service Announcement for other folks who can’t always buy a new book–interlibrary loan isn’t just for college students!! Most public libraries also have ILL services, and according to WorldCat, there are about 9 libraries that own copies of The Haunted Vagina. Unfortunately, it looks like only 1 library owns Every Time We Meet at the Dairy Queen Your Whole Fucking Face Explodes, and it’s in New Zealand, but sometimes if you request something through ILL that they can’t find, the library will just buy it. Of course, you have to be willing to fill out an interlibrary loan form with a title like “The Haunted Vagina”…

    Like

  76. 76
    Laura Flanders

    I enjoy Puddles Pity Party (marvelously sad clown with the golden voice) music videos, especially his first American Idol audition. I like videos in general.
    I read Furiously Happy, and I enjoyed it greatly. (I also like the companion book, although I haven’t finished it. Art takes so much longer to process, if it’s very rich. I’m glad for your talent, and the courage to share it despite the troubles.)
    Cheers!

    Like

  77. 77
    Laura Flanders

    P. S. Misplaced comment, above this one! Oops.
    I cannot join this particular discussion group, as I can afford neither the investment nor the exposure in current circumstances. Enjoy, and I’ll peep here.

    Like

  78. 78
    Anonymous

    Man vs. Baby by Matt Coyne is incredibly funny. His chapter on sleep is dead-on.

    Like

  79. 79
    Anonymous

    And please tell me you’ve read ‘A Dirty Job’ and ‘You Suck’ by Christopher Moore. That shit is right down your alley.

    Like

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