Twenty questions

Conversation between my daughter, my husband and me:

Hailey:  We should get off our phones while we eat and play a game.

me:  Okay.  Let’s play 20 Questions.

Hailey:  What’s 20 Questions?

Victor:  You’ve got 19 left.

Hailey:  What?

me:  18.

Victor:  Wow.  You are really bad at this.

Hailey:  WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT?

me: 17.

Hailey:  I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHAT’S HAPPENING.

Victor:  That’s not even a question.

me:  Double penalty for not asking questions.  You have to stand on one foot until one of the cats touches you.

Hailey:  THIS IS NOT A REAL GAME.

me:  Uh oh.

Victor:  Ooh.  Bad idea.

Hailey:  What?

Victor: Denouncing the game while in the game is a triple penalty.  You just lost all your points and you can’t use your hands until somebody farts.

Hailey:  I just wanted to play UNO.

me:  Good luck playing UNO with no hands.

PS. The dog farted.  We played UNO.

 

 

76 replies. read them below or add one

  1. BEST game night ever. And it’s always the dog. Even at our house. And we only have cats.

    Liked by 8 people

  2. I am totally looking forward to Hailey’s memoir. Should be really amusing.

    Liked by 22 people

  3. I love that you guys teamed up against her 😀

    Like

    aliaselle18 recently posted I’m Having Directional Issues.

  4. I loved this short funny post. You have a great relationship with Hailey.

    Liked by 2 people

    Gary recently posted Yummy Lummy Reconciliation Day Lump of Bovine Rump.

  5. I’m stealing that penalty, way better than speaking pig-latin until the cat barks.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Fabulously funny and hilarious! You are a gem and what great fun with Victor and Hailey too!!

    Like

  7. Why have kids if you can’t torment them for your amusement–I’ve always said that.

    Like

    The Midnight Goose recently posted The Friend of My Enemy is My Friend.

  8. 8
    Erica McKenzie

    #familygoals

    Like

  9. This is as funny as your directions for CrapScrabble. But shorter, for the attention-deficient in all of us.

    Like

    Janet Coburn recently posted Why a National Curriculum Makes Sense.

  10. Sounds much more fun than the games of 20 questions that I remember.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. The teenagers and I play Skip-Bo while we eat. Somehow our family dynamic has evolved to a point where we only talk during meals when we’re competing against each other. \0/

    Like

    Mona Andrei (aka Moxie-Dude) recently posted I need help with a math problem.

  12. 12
    Kendra Lee

    Simon & I do this kind of stuff to Jane. It cracks me up!

    Like

  13. Ok. Apropos of nothing I just gotta lay this down as an absolutely 100% effective depression killer. Watch as many episodes as necessary of Kid President to cheer you up. You may cry, but in a good way, not snarly sad self hating way. Just thought I’d put it out there cause I’ll forget next time you blog something for which it would be a more appropriate response.

    Like

  14. That was the most cutest, interesting and hilarious thing I could’ve ever read. Thanks a ton. you really made my day.

    Like

    Gunshort's Diary recently posted Juxtapose.

  15. Sounds like a common interaction between me and my daughter. I feel like I accomplished somehting last week when she said “I think that is the stupidest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

    Like

    theycallmetater recently posted Weekend Update.

  16. 16
    Emil C Dez

    Isn’t it fun to torture own kids?

    Like

  17. Torturing our kids is an inalienable right and yes, very fun, and yes, it makes me secretly hold hope inside that in the next twenty years or so we’ll come to our senses and pass social medicine here so that my son’s therapy will be free.

    Liked by 3 people

    Lille recently posted even creepier than a reanimated corpse.

  18. 18
    Steve the Fan

    But is it bigger than a bread box?

    Liked by 1 person

  19. That was kind of mean. Weirdly mean.

    Like

    Tanya Goffy recently posted Happy (Belated) Sherlock Holmes Day!.

  20. Bawhahaha this sounds like something my mom would do to me 😂😂😂

    Like

  21. 21
    IceBearNinja

    It’s never the dog in our house. It’s my husband. He farts as loud as possible, then waves it my direction while asking if I think it smells more like dead skunk or dead platypus. (Hint: It’s ALWAYS skunk.)

    Like

  22. Suuurrreee it was Dottie. She’s too ladylike. Fortunately, I’m not, so Hailey can always claim I farted to win the game (and she’ll probably be right — damn IBS!).

    Like

  23. “Can’t use your hands until somebody farts” made me laugh until I started coughing.
    I really hope that Hailey is keeping notes to write her memoir. I want to read it in another 15 years.
    As always, thanks for the laugh!

    Like

  24. OMG, I can’t imagine what its like to live in your house….try playing Spot It…you will love it…

    Like

    The Hellion recently posted Are You Stuck?.

  25. Dagnabbit! I finally read a blog entry soon enough to not have to scroll 30 times to get to the comment box and I don’t have a comment.
    Oh.
    Guess I do.
    HA!

    Like

  26. I want to have dinner at your house! : D

    Like

  27. You guys as parents are the worst! And the best!

    Like

  28. Game night at your house is so much better than when I was a kid. My dad would concentrate literally ALL his energy on building hotels on Boardwalk and Park Place, then laugh when he took all our money. I still can’t put a thimble on without having terrible flashbacks. This is why I never learned to sew.

    Like

    mydangblog recently posted My Week 192: Antiquing, Bones of Contention, Just Bones.

  29. I so needed this giggle, Jenny, thank you. After a hideously stressful day (daughter collapsed at school, thought it was going to be a serious situation, hours in the ER having tests, long story short, she’s fine), but I’m alternating between hysterical laughter and tears. Mostly tears, now I come to think of it. Even though we are all now home and she’s recovering just fine. Holy moly, what a day.

    Like

  30. #parentingwin

    Like

    OwnLessDoMore.us recently posted 2018 Grand Canyon Hike.

  31. Great laugh-out-loud moment. Thanks, I owe you one!

    Liked by 1 person

  32. I ❤ messing with kids!

    Like

  33. It’s even more fun torturing the kids in public. My favorite location was Panjo’s Pizza in Corpus Christi, where they had a Dixieland band on weekends. My niece and nephew would literally hide under the table when sister and I would sing along with the band. Second favorite is anywhere they have kareoke.

    Like

  34. This whole sequence is fucking perfect.

    Like

  35. I loved every sentence!

    Like

  36. Embarrassing teens is a sport. You guys played it like champs. 🙂 #TeamJenVictor (Jenctor?)

    Like

  37. 37
    Anonymous

    LOL – Jennifer A

    Like

  38. Nothing strengthens a marriage more than teaming up to mess with your kids. LOL

    Like

    Kat recently posted The Hunger Games (Office Edition).

  39. 39
    onesickvet

    @#36: Team Victifer (gets both their names in, and is vaguely reminiscent of Lucifer) 😀

    Like

  40. My husband and daughter always try to suck me into playing games with them, but since they are both terrible losers AND winners, I try to stay out of it. They had a 24 hour grudge going over a Connect 4 tournament. When they get really obnoxious, I have to start playing the arguing lynx video at them, because it totally reminds me of them.

    Like

  41. Excellent game, down to the farting.

    Like

    Kathleen recently posted I Was a Miserable Failure.

  42. I love seeing kids tormented by cunning conniving adults. It gives them such great material to inflict on their kids! Awesome work keeping the torment going down the generations!!! 🤣🤣🤣

    Like

  43. What if your kid can fart on cue? No shit, seriously. All she has to do is think about it. And doesn’t blame the dog. She’s proud of her stench.

    Like

  44. Good dog, Dorothy Barker. I love it when the spousal unit is completely in sync. The marriage mind meld is a glorious thing.
    Also, have you ever tried one of those 20 Questions electronic games? They are eerie!

    Like

    becomingcliche recently posted Notes From the Zookeeper: How DO You Move a 525lb Tortoise?.

  45. 😂😂😂 This is effing glorious…

    Like

  46. 46
    Anonymous

    Cards Against Humanity can be a fun family night!

    Like

  47. Too bloody funny!!!

    Like

  48. My daughter always would roll her eyes and tell me to “JUST STOP IT!” when I would respond like that. One time I did, she stopped and gave me a puzzled look and stated emphatically that “Dad- you’re not doing it right!”

    Like

  49. That. Was. Awesome.

    Like

    emelle recently posted So much going on with me these days, I Can't Even.

  50. I love that Victor has your sense of humor. Poor Hailey.

    Like

    Patsy Porco recently posted Wash Away Your Fat and Freckles.

  51. Sounds like a fun night!

    Like

    Mamacita recently posted Please.

  52. Totally off subject, but equally as funny in the weird-kid-interaction department: The other day, my youngest confided to me that the trailer of “It” really scared her (me, too, kid. Me, too.) Apparently a boy named George gets his arm ripped off and eaten by Pennywise in the film (which I didn’t know; thanks so much for sharing), and this thought really terrified her. I ruminated that it was no wonder he was grumpy, he lived in a SEWER. How bad must it reek all the time, and when did he last have a bath? We decided that he only ate George’s arm because he was desperately hungry for something that didn’t stink. Maddy decided to write a sequel entitled “It II: Pennywise Gets A Pizza And Chillaxes”. I think Steven King would be delighted.

    Like

  53. This reminds me of Tig, played by the Hobbits during filming of the Lord of the Rings. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YSbt7n09YJM

    Like

  54. Sounds like a cross between Twenty Questions and Calvinball (from Calvin and Hobbes, one the best cartoons EVER).

    Liked by 1 person

  55. You and Victor are going to be such entertaining grandparents!
    Here’s one to use, free of charge.
    The family was collected at the house of my stepsister Lauri – Laurie and her husband, her three sisters and their husbands, all their assorted children ages 1 to 4, my mom and my stepdad George, and my brothers and me. My stepsisters are all kind of stuffy and prissy, unlike the rest of us.
    George scooped up Lauri’s youngest, then in diapers. He wrinkled his nose, made a disgusted face, and said, “Whoo! This one has a load.” Everyone looked in that direction, and he stuck a finger into the diaper, pulled out the malted milk ball he’d just palmed, stuck it in his mouth, and said, “Damn, Lauri, what have you been feeding this child?”

    Like

  56. I just want you to know I posted “Knock Knock MF” as a reply to a post on FB today about someone buying a metal rooster. Also there were people there who knew what I meant. It was a moment. We love you!

    Like

  57. God, I love your family Jenny!

    Like

  58. Just finished FURIOUSLY HAPPY. It was given to me by a friend who saved my life more than once.

    Like

  59. This sounds way too similar to how games went when I was a kid, except I was the one confusing my parents. Possibly because I loved to make up random rules during otherwise classic/boring games. I was never creative enough to think of a ‘can’t use your hands’ penalty though, that’s awesome.

    (Also, I just want to mention that my mom bought me the audiobook of Let’s Pretend This Never Happened today as an early birthday present and I am soooooooooo happy!! Already listened to two hours of it.)

    Like

  60. Sometimes I think “Poor Hailey” but then I know I would have taken the same approach especially with a someone else playing along. She will be forever grateful for dog farts. https://possumscatsthingsgnawingatme.wordpress.com/2018/05/27/little-adventures-hanging-out-in-a-bog/

    Like

  61. This made me think of Calvin and Hobbes and their many games that came with made up rules! Nicely done Jenny (and Victor!!) Poor confused Hailey!!

    Like

    LadyPamelaRose recently posted cobwebs….

  62. Good game, good game!

    Like

    Amy Morgan recently posted Find What You Love.

  63. Please Ms. Jenny — add “Crapscrabble” to this tag! I had totally forgotten about that post until one of the early commenters mentioned it. And now I’m grinning so wide it hurts. I want to be able to tell people about both of them at once!

    Like

  64. Today’s Zits comic strip made me think of you: http://comicskingdom.com/zits/2018-05-30. Thanks for making me laugh so hard and so often!

    Like

  65. You guys are awesome!

    Like

    My Superpowers Have Yet To Come recently posted Tales of an Anxious Brain: A Day in the Life.

  66. 67
    Wildrider51

    I love your family.

    Like

  67. 68
    Anonymous

    You guys are soooo bad but soooo good!!! Made me laugh.

    Like

  68. Your child is going write the world’s best “Tell All” book. Only, then she’ll have to deal with the fact that her mother already TOLD all. Wait, I know – she can turn it all into a movie. Who will play you and Victor in the movie?

    Like

    Rowan recently posted Joe’s Last Day.

  69. Isn’t it funny how it’s always the dog who farts, even though the farting noise is coming suspiciously from below the husband? My dogs have huge fart problems, apparently.

    Like

    Vicky recently posted I didn’t lie.

  70. Brilliant and very very funny

    Like

  71. 72
    Stephanye

    I want to play this game!!!!!!!!!!!!1

    Like

  72. I love your family and you!

    Like

    Shari recently posted New Article on Tuning Forks and Sound Healing.

  73. I laughed so hard my kid came up to ask why I was crying!

    Like

  74. Dogs can certainly fart up a storm. 😂

    Like

  75. I did this with my brother after reading this! It was so funny! Thanks for the great ideas, Jenny!

    Like

    Sara recently posted Something I Heard In Highschool Pt.2.

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