What an asshole.

So I was just outside walking Dorothy Barker and it’s pitch black but I saw the movement of those ducklings I chased off the street last month and they were in the middle of the street again like fucking hooligans so I started chasing them again toward the park but I couldn’t see them very well because I have severe night-blindness so I was taking pictures with my phone because when it would flash I could almost see them but I guess they were scared of the paparazzi because they started running straight to my backyard so I ran after them and I kept taking pictures so I wouldn’t lose them in the grass and I was yelling “JUST COME HERE, STUPIDS” but in a comforting sort of voice and then a car drove by and it was my neighbor and he was like, “Hey.  So why are you chasing a skunk?” and I was like, “What do you-OHMYFUCK THAT’S A GODDAM SKUNK” and the last picture I got was of its butthole as sprayed a fountain of stink-pee at me.   

Luckily it didn’t hit me directly it was close enough that the dog and I need a real shower and this is exactly why you shouldn’t go outside ever.

Also I have now succeeded in chasing the skunk into my backyard and I don’t know how to get it out and I’m going to just set fire to the house now.

203 replies. read them below or add one

  1. I think you’re magic…

    Liked by 10 people

  2. No you didn’t!!!! You ran after a skunk? Lmao!

    Liked by 3 people

  3. And this is why it’s waterlogged. So clear…

    Like

  4. someone ought to write a goddamn book about you! oh. wait…

    Liked by 6 people

  5. 5
    Anne, Cranky Cat Lady

    Jenny, while I am very sorry this happened to you… Please, never change. This is the first real laugh I’ve had in two days.

    Liked by 6 people

  6. 6
    Seniorgreymom

    Hydrogen peroxide, baking soda, and just a little Dawn and you won’t smell as bad!

    Liked by 4 people

  7. Oops. Everyone needs the original Skunk Remedy Homepage bookmarked:
    http://home.earthlink.net/~skunkremedy/home/

    Liked by 3 people

  8. I almost got skunked last night too! I thought I was calling my neighbours tuxedo cat over for peta but nope! It was totally a skunk.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. fucking hilarious!! my eyes are watering almost as much as yours

    Liked by 2 people

    recently posted Porch rabbit.

  10. Thank you for that laugh. I needed it. You musta really scared the poor bugger and not heard it telling you off. Spraying is their last defence since it takes a while to recharge so they try to tell everyone off first.

    There are some home recipies for getting rid of the smell that are safe for people and pets, but you can’t store them. Since there is some instructions they can easily be found on Google, should you need it. Tomato justice doesn’t work, it just hides the smell. Hopefully the smell doesn’t linger long!

    Liked by 3 people

  11. They really like kibble. Make a trail of kibble out of the yard and toss a hand full farther away. Also, my neighbors use baking soda + peroxide on their dog when it gets skunked. I’ve also heard listerine is supposed to work, but not 100% sure. Also, good job, lmao.

    Liked by 4 people

  12. 😂

    Liked by 2 people

  13. Tomato juice. Defeats skunk stink!

    Like

  14. You must be a Disney princess.

    Liked by 4 people

  15. 15
    Michele Erickson

    I’m sorry you got sprayed…. but DAMN THAT IS FUNNY 😆
    YOU ARE THE BEST!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  16. 16
    Shannon White

    In case no one else has mentioned this yet, your phone is equipped with a VERY powerful, make you blind, flashlight. Have Victor show you how to operate yours. I hope you and Dorothy Barker didn’t get hit too bad, especially Dorothy Barker because even after a bath removes the initial stink, the pungent odor will remain on her skin beneath her coat and you can not get it out, only time. So then each time Dorothy Barker gets the least bit damp, like even morning dew, she will stink all over again until it naturally wears off – about 6 months for my Chocolate Lab who took a direct hit to the face and chest from a 2 foot distance. Sadly, he still tries to play with ALL kitties – even striped kitties. Adorable, intelligent, but no common sense LOL. Good luck!

    Liked by 4 people

  17. I adore you. ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Looks like the tree is trying to get away from the spray

    Liked by 2 people

  19. And this is why we need the internet!

    Liked by 1 person

  20. I am so grateful we don’t have skunks in Australia. The smell must be awful.

    Like

    Gaz recently posted Yummy Lummy hot and spicy cauliflower and sweet potato soup.

  21. there are certain “after dark” rules in nature…and anything roaming around at that time does not need to be lovingly herded into a nearby pond. Proud of you for the effort; but God’s Sakes woman! It could have been a Chupakabra!

    Liked by 2 people

  22. 22
    Bradley Garrett

    Mothballs in your yard will get rid of skunks. It saved us from our German Shepherd getting a night spraying because he was too dumb to take your advice and stay inside!

    Like

  23. #itsaskunkjenny

    Liked by 1 person

    OwnLessDoMore recently posted WheRVe we been? Our travels, 2nd quarter 2018.

  24. You know, you’re like Lucy and Ethel all in one person, because this shit could only happen to you. And we are lucky enough that you share it with us!

    Liked by 6 people

  25. 25
    A Nony Mouse

    Mother Nature is a bitch. Thanks so much for the laugh. I really, really needed it.

    Like

  26. LOL thank you for that much needed laugh! Sorry you and DB got sprayed, but glad it wasn’t TOO bad.

    When I was in HS my parents lived outside of town. I came home really late one night, semi-drunk, and walked into the garage. I heard what I thought was one of our cats eating dog food in the garage. I waked over to the bag of dog food to scold the cat and discovered it wasn’t a cat, but a skunk. I’ve never run so fast in my life. Thankfully there was a lot of stuff between me and the skunk so he didn’t get a chance to spray me, but you better believe I never walked through the garage at night again!

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Things I don’t run after in the dark
    1. My kids
    2. Everything else

    Liked by 1 person

    A Side of Rice recently posted Maybe, the First Cut Isn’t the Deepest.

  28. My dad always used Summers Eve douche on his dogs..go figure.

    Like

  29. And this is why we all love you so much! Sending perfume your way.

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Even the lawn and dirt will smell of skunk the next ten or twenty times it rains or gets mowed. Skunks are serious business. I swear by tomato juice (well, actually, V-8), which worked on my cat, although it took three applications and baths. And my cat hated me for the next ten years. I live in the center of my little city, and there’s a skunk who visits my front yard. I hope somebody runs him over, and his wife, and all his little skunky children.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Well, now I gotta figure out why you were chasing ducks in the dark. This is how I never get anything done (Tomato juice gets the stink out, btw).

    Liked by 1 person

  32. a can of Aqua-net and a match make a mighty fine home made blow torch.

    Liked by 2 people

  33. 33
    Danielle E.

    OMG! Thank you, neighbor! That could have been even worse than it already was!

    Happy burning! 😉

    Like

  34. My grandpa used to say that when they got sprayed, they had to bury their clothes (they didn’t have many) for a month and take a vinegar bath. ewwwwwww.

    Like

  35. Okay, so I’m glad you handled that. Now I don’t have to go out in the dark looking for a skunk. Hopefully the snakes don’t inject babies into my house again…we’ll be fine.

    Like

  36. Thank you for the laugh!! Much needed today!!

    Liked by 1 person

  37. Can we see all the other pictures?
    Also -hind sight – not to be confused with hiney sight which you jiust saw- but hindsite – you know your phone likely has a flashlight. The skunk probably thought he was at a rave with strobe lights and shit.

    Liked by 1 person

  38. LOL. Reminds me of when I played women’s indoor soccer… a teammate was late and she came onto the field having been sprayed by a skunk… the dogs fault… we thought we’d put her in as goalie keeping the opposition (and everyone else) would stay up the other end ! Actually the smell permeated the whole facility! Our team name… Spaceshots!

    Like

  39. This? Is why I don’t go outside.

    Like

    Kat recently posted If You Give An Insomniac A Cookie.

  40. Ha! I imagine the skunk has a great story now too!
    “She was chasing you??”
    ” humans are so unpredictable “

    Like

  41. 42
    CreatingTheRoad

    No chasing things in the dark! First lesson of all horror movies!

    Liked by 1 person

  42. I thank you. I am laughing/ crying….

    Like

  43. I can see how you’d mistake a skunk for ducklings(!?) Now you and Dorothy Barker need to take a bath in room tomato juice because I read somewhere that’s the only way to get skunk stink off you. Maybe you’ll be alright cuz you didn’t take a direct hit. Otherwise, it’s to the store to buy 400 bottles of tomato juice (do you think that’ll be enough for both of you?) And nevermind the look on the cashier’s face. Just blithely study your nails or something. Better yet, send Victor out to buy the tomato juice. He can tell them he’s on a tomato juice cleanse, which is mostly true cuz you’ll be cleansing in it. I wonder if it’ll stain your skin red? Oh well, that’s tomorrow’s problem.

    Like

    Vicky recently posted Jacuzzis Are Dangerous When You’re Fat – Black Mountains Day 7.

  44. Try odor mute. 40 years of skunks and dogs talking. Nothing else comes close.

    Like

  45. Even with night blindness and your flashy thingy….at what point did ducklings and skunks EVER look alike? Oh Jenny, how you make me laugh!!! I hope the home remedies make the smell go away!!!

    Like

    LadyPamelaRose recently posted Wishing While I (Don’t) Work.

  46. Oh, that stinks! My son nearly had a close encounter before he ran out to the bus a few months ago. He said “WHOA. There’s something out there!”. When I went to investigate, I noticed a skunk in the front yard, literally 15 feet from our front door. Then it ran toward an oncoming car, and I was like SHIT! But then it saw the car coming and turned around to head toward my house, and I was like F&CK!!! and slammed the front door.

    Liked by 1 person

    Mamacita recently posted The Oyster of Drogo.

  47. I don’t even know what to say to this! You mistook a skunk for ducklings???!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  48. I hear they like cat food

    Like

  49. I love that the title of this post is so literal! Jenny: FTW!

    Also, skunks are actually pretty nice, harmless little critters who need apparently need this unreasonably powerful defense so not as to get eaten. A de-scented skunk makes a sweet pet, although they still retain a musky, but not devastating, odor. Not unlike a ferret. So, I’m thinking a skunk would be a better deterrent than a big ol’ dog!

    None of which makes your spraying incident any better. Sorry.

    Like

  50. You know, I get people telling me that I make them feel better about their lives becasue of the absurd things that happen to me… then I read this blog, and Jenny… you make me feel better about my life. 😉 (I’ve done this myself, but with a porcupine, so way less smelly.)

    Liked by 1 person

  51. So very sorry, but so many thanks for sharing your adventures!

    Liked by 1 person

  52. I just love you!

    Like

  53. I don’t even know what to say! You thought a Skye Mj was ducklings??!!

    Like

    Carol Lennox recently posted To Be Or Not To Be….Hopeful.

  54. Skunk, not whatever autocorrect thought I was typing and you were chasing.

    Like

    Carol Lennox recently posted To Be Or Not To Be….Hopeful.

  55. I’m sorry you and Dorothy Barker got sprayed, but I’ve heard that tomato juice helps in removing the stank.

    Like

  56. You are my favorite person I don’t know in real life.

    Like

  57. oh my God! Thank you for this. I’ve had a rough day with nerve conduction testing and not great news regarding treatment options. Needed this right now.

    Like

  58. You always, ALWAYS, bring me real laughter right
    When I need it. I freakin live the hell outta you.
    Keep being you, you’re a keeper. 💕

    Like

  59. I love you, but I can’t type, apparently.

    Like

  60. Do you know how much laughter you bring to us common people? I hope you do. Thank you, as always, for making me giggle. I appreciate you so much.

    Like

  61. 62
    AinOakPark

    So, on the day we moved into a new home, my 4 year old was playing with a new neighbor friend and they came in telling me excitedly that they found a black and white kitty in the bushes and….OMG!!! WHAT IS THAT SMELL!!!??? Yup. Not a kitty. Fortunately, the stink just drifted over them and it wasn’t as bad as it could be. Still, it was bad enough. My husband commented on how nice it was that the neighbors sent their child over to play with our child. I told him that if the neighbors were really THAT nice, they would have introduced themselves and taken our child over to their house to play instead of sending their child over to ours. At least for them, Karma was a bitch. For us, it was just the usual shit.

    Sorry you had such a sad adventure. Do ducks go out at night?

    PS. Why do some people have their names printed in pink? Do you like them better?

    Like

  62. There are no words to describe how much I love you right now!

    Like

  63. Awesome!!

    Like

  64. 65
    Isabel G Mesa

    I shared a moment with a skunk once. I snuck into my friends back yard so we wouldn’t wake his parents and there was an aroma in the air. I tell him “Hey I think I smell a…” and it popped out of the dead leaves to my right like Flower out of Bambi. “…skunk” and we shared this confused look and thats when I heard the screen to my friend’s back door slam and he was peeking out at me through the window. I was abandoned with a very confused but patient stinkpuppy for a second before making my way in. No tomato juice necessary.

    Liked by 1 person

  65. And THIS is why Victor needs to walk Dottie at night. 😉

    Like

  66. Oh god, I needed this story! I was sitting on my couch, crying anew about Anthony Bourdain’s death after catching a rerun. Trying to find something to boost me out of my tears, I turn to Twitter- and there you are with a picture of a skunk’s asshole. I am still chuckling, esp since I almost opened my car door on top of our neighborhood skunk last week. I’m sorry you need a shower. They are PIA!

    Like

  67. The hooligan ducklings need you straight into a skunk ambush!

    Like

  68. Next time, let the duckies fend for themselves! It’s not worth smelling like skunk ass-glands!

    Like

    Apostrophe T recently posted Coupons Are Not Hand Grenades.

  69. How…. How do you mistake a skunk for ducklings? They aren’t even remotely the same shape! Thank you for the laugh, really needed it tonight!

    Like

  70. Oh God only you could have something this hilarious happen to them. Or maybe only you could make something like this happening to them seem so hilarious! Good luck with the stink and maybe if you just leave the gate open it’ll walk out on it’s own? Maybe a trail of yummy treats out the gate will entice it to leave? Then you can slam the gate behind him, or close it very very softly so I doesn’t spray you again.

    Like

  71. Oh God only you could have something this hilarious happen to them. Or maybe only you could make something like this happening to them seem so hilarious! Good luck with the stink and maybe if you just leave the gate open it’ll walk out on it’s own? Maybe a trail of yummy treats out the gate will entice it to leave? Then you can slam the gate behind him, or close it very very softly so I doesn’t spray you again.

    Like

  72. Hahehaheha! I love you for protecting the ducks. I love you for taking pictures of stunk butts. One question- why don’t you have a flashlight app?

    Like

  73. Jenny, you are my favorite. I love all the things that you are.

    Like

  74. Awesomely funny and terrible at the same time!

    Like

  75. Well dammit Victor…it LOOKED like a tuxedo cat in the flash!!

    Like

  76. I really want to read the skunk’s account of this series of events.

    Liked by 1 person

  77. If we had skunks in the Yukon this could be me. Glad you didn’t get full in skunked. Thanks for the laughs😂

    Like

  78. Sounds like David Bowie sent you the Bog of Eternal Stench! 🖤👨‍🎤

    Like

  79. I want to buy the photobook of all the Skunk-Jenny-Thought-Was-Baby-Ducks photos you shot trying to light your way. Also, do you not have a flashlight app? If you have a flash on your phone, you should be able to download a flashlight app. Slightly more effective.

    Like

    Adie // The Cupcake Witch recently posted Life is That Thing That Sometimes Hits You Like a Truck When You’re Not Looking.

  80. A little patchouli oil &nobody will know the difference!

    Like

  81. We had indoor/outdoor cats when I was a kid. One would get skunked every other yea or so. I swear my mom cleaned them with deuche. I honestly had no idea Summers Eve was for anything else until that Michael Jordan SNL commercial deuches. You need deuches.

    Like

  82. 84
    MrsSteelToe

    Probably blew the skunk’s mind! He is used to humans running away not chasing him!

    Like

  83. Bahahaha! That sucks! But…I almost put deodorant on my toothbrush instead of toothpaste and ran over myself with a full cart at the store, so I have to say I’m glad it wasn’t just me having a very Monday-ish Tuesday. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️

    Like

  84. You know, I have been thinking about this. Put yourself in the skunk’s shoes- paws. Imagine you are out looking to have your breakfast and all of a sudden some woman and her dog come charging at you calling you names and taking your picture. What would YOU do?

    Also, wonder if the strobe effect caused a skunk seizure and that can be blamed for the smelly piss attack.

    And , just an added skunk story bonus- my 19
    Year old daughter’s favorite animal is, and has always been- skunks. She has a stuffed skunk that she named Skunk Fu. Manhattan Toy Compang made it and it’s discontinued long ago. Skunk Fu has sssn better days so I have looked for and periodically found other Skunk Fu’s on EBay. And Also a cow, sheep, and bunny version named Moo Fu, Baaa Fu and Bunny Fufu fu respectively. As well as a mini skunk Fu. Obviously Eve has no need or, in fact, any actual desire for this collection of animals but it amusss me to no end. Skunk Fu and associates went to college with her this past fall and when She was evacuated because of hurricane Irma she made sure Skunk Fu was with her first and foremost.

    If you catch your new pal- get her stinker removed and send her to us. We shall name her Flower. Or Skunk Fu .

    Like

  85. You do know how to get it out – you call Victor.

    Problem solved.

    For you, anyway.

    Like

  86. And furthermore- it’s 3 am and I have fat thumbs ( but just thumbs- the rest of me is skinny. Yeah right) and I write this on my phone and where is spell check/ auto correct when I really need it? Oh- that’s right- it is too busy changing my fucks to ducks. At least it doesn’t change my ducks to skunks.

    I once knew a joke that ended “a duck for a fuck and a Fuck for a duck and 25 bucks for a fucked up duck” ( which auto correct changed to dick) and apparently that was the only part of the joke worth remembering because 25 years later that’s all I remember of it.

    Like

  87. 89
    jillaurellia

    We had skunks in our yard and then one wanted to dig a hole under our foundation. We mixed up a batch of red pepper, cinnamon, paprika and some other spices that apparently they don’t like and poured it everywhere and it seemed to have worked. Google was my friend. They also don’t like cat pee and you have access to THAT so….

    Like

  88. 90
    Tina Higley

    OMG!! I needed that “stink pee” story!! You’ve no idea!! God bless you, Jenny Lawson! ❤️

    Like

  89. OMG, I was so depressed today and really needed a laugh. I’m sorry you got nailed by a skunk, but I’m glad you blogged about it.

    Like

  90. LMFSAO! OMFG! It had to be you, wonderful you! ❤ 😀 Hope you were able to wash away the skunk smell, I’ve heard taking a bath in tomato juice though I have never tried it myself. Never been sprayed thank God! LOL

    Like

  91. DUDE. I wrote about almost this a couple days ago! Advice: No chasing. Read the news out loud. It’s working for me.

    Like

    Steph recently posted Hobbies Include: Reading to Mystery Animals in the Dark.

  92. Oh my god. I am dying that was hilarious. At least it didn’t make full contact cause pppppp u!

    Like

    Stephanie recently posted No rest for the Weary mom..

  93. Darn those waddling critters! I nearly pet a skunk a few years ago while sitting on my front porch… thought it was the cat brushing past my chair. It was a close call! And then there was the time a skunk tried to enter the open vehicle where our baby was sleeping at a campsite. My husband threw a rock and told it to “shoo!” I lost a lot of sleep that night.

    Like

  94. OR it’s possibly a new breed of duck with stinky pants. Stink Ducks.

    Like

  95. There is a product called NATURE’S MIRACLE, that really is a miracle! I’ve had to use it on my dog Lucy, twice. Of course in cold windy, icy rain both times! Now I keep bottles and wipes handy at all times, it’s like insurance against skunks. But yes, poor Dorothy Barker will stink every time she gets damp.

    Like

  96. OMG! Yeah, burning the house down may be the best answer!

    Like

  97. 99
    Ruthann Schultz

    There is a product called NATURE’S MIRACLE, you and Dorothy Barker should take a couple of baths in it. Soak in it for a few. (Use a leash on her, it will make her stay, even though she’ll still try to shake it off)

    Like

  98. 100
    Stan Malcolm

    Um, flashlight app for your phone?

    Like

  99. i can so identify with this and you are my blogging idol. egads!

    Like

  100. I love it! Is it weird that I LOVE the scent of a skunk?!?!?!

    Like

  101. 103
    Jody Stepnowski

    My near-sighted youngest was out walking w/o her glasses one afternoon and saw a kitten. Bent down to pet it and then realized was a baby skunk! Lucky for her babies don’t spray, and Mama Skunk wasn’t nearby. She decided maybe she WOULD wear her specs from then on….

    Like

  102. Ever considered buying night vision goggles? They look dorky but you’d be able to see at least.

    Like

  103. I think that’s an awesome ninja skunk you’ve got there if it can disguise itself as a flock of ducks.

    Like

    Janet Coburn recently posted Retirement: Small Change for a Freelancer.

  104. Oh. Em. Gee. That is too funny. Hope you & Dorothy Barker are smelling better by now!

    Like

  105. You. Are. So. Lucky. My dogs getting sprayed by a skunk is one of my top three fears, second after crossing paths with a serial killer. (My third fear is a floating fear, depending on the day … the mood … the reality.)

    Like

    Mona Andrei (aka Moxie-Dude) recently posted My final text before I almost died.

  106. 108
    PibbityBibbity

    I hope your neighbors are grateful for the excitement you bring to the neighborhood. I cannot imagine how dull and boring their lives were before you moved in.

    Like

  107. 109
    Anonymous

    Bravo! I once pulled a yogurt cup off a dkunk’s head to keep it from dying.

    Like

  108. Omg! I’m so sorry. But i laughed so hard. You just have a magical way with words. Thank you!

    Like

  109. Just curious….did you know that phones these days have flashlights? I must admit, I really wish I had seen this in person. Xoxo.

    Like

  110. LOL. I see you’re getting lots of advice here. I’ll share my rule- no going out after taking night meds. It really does help. 😉

    Like

  111. Never chase a fart squirrel in the day or in the night.

    Like

  112. 114
    Anonymous

    Well now you have to name him. Something weird and fantastic. Uptown Skunk maybe. I don’t know. What I do know is you now have a new pet. Congrats.

    Like

  113. Last winter I took my daughter to the National Zoo in Washington DC. She was delighted with the small mammals building and read every sign she saw. We came around a corner and saw a hand-lettered sign saying “please do not bang on the glass”… on the enclosure for the North American Skunks.

    Understated safety tip!

    Like

  114. Oh man…skunk pee smell is the WORST. Best thing to do is call your dad, have him shoot the damn thing and then turn it into something lovely for your home. I suggest he turn him into a top-hat and spats wearing skunk with a monocle.

    Liked by 1 person

    mommatrek recently posted I blame Mother Nature and drugs.

  115. Hey. So why are you chasing a skunk? LOL. Now you have to name him. Something like Uptown Skunk. Or whatever. Congrats on your new pet 🙂

    Like

  116. We have a friend whose rescue dog probably had to hunt to stay alive in his early days. Quincy chases squirrels and rabbits hard, but they get over or under the fence and escape. Unfortunately he CAUGHT the skunk… and had it in his mouth by the time the thing sprayed.
    Poor Quincy…even with special baths, he had to be banished to the back porch. No sleeping in bed with “the pack” for a long time!

    Like

  117. This is the best WTF ever!!! Ha!

    Like

    the incurable dreamer recently posted like hell.

  118. 120
    Anonymous

    OMG a skunk! At least you didn’t get sprayed completely. You always make me laugh!!

    Like

  119. I’m still giggling about this and coming back with more skunk stories.
    A few years ago my motherinlaw leaned back on her shady patio to rest after gardening and fell soundly asleep. She awoke to hear something moving right next to her, figured it was probably a bird at the feeder so slowly turned to see it without scaring it. It was a skunk. She stayed very very still for all the time it took to give up and wander off. She said she kept thinking “oh please don’t let me have to sneeze!”

    Like

  120. If it’s going to happen in life…it’s going to happen to YOU. Thank you for the giggle this morning. You don’t smell that bad.

    Like

  121. 123
    Anonymous

    That was priceless. Thank you!

    Like

  122. The folks here who suggest tomato juice never had to deskunk a dog, because it does NOT work. It only makes the dog smell like skunk AND tomato juice. The hydrogen peroxide/baking soda/ivory soap works the best, although there will be some lingering odor for a while.
    Jenny, thanks as always for the laugh……….I suggest that you don’t go out walking at night without a flashlight. 🙂

    Like

  123. This is going to sound weird, but the only thing we have ever found that works for de skunking is a plain douche from the grocery. Something about the ph balance and ingredients. A friend didn’t believe me, but she tried it on her cat that got skunked, and it worked like a charm!

    Like

  124. This reminds me of the commercial on TV where the lady without her glasses lets the raccoon into her house saying “Here kitty kitty.” BTW you should download a flashlight app to your cell phone instead of the flash. 🙂

    Like

  125. You have got to try SCOE-10x. The stuff is magic and it gets rid of every bad smell you can imagine. I was in the middle of the Urine Wars with two alpha male cats and this stuff stopped me from burning the furniture. It’s on the internet, only. And I haven’t laughed this hard in weeks. Thank you and stay safe, Jenny

    Like

  126. 128
    Anonymous

    You are so funny! You bring joy!

    Like

  127. OMG I just love you!

    Like

  128. I just love you!

    Like

  129. 131
    Veronica Elp

    The adventures that happen to you Jenny, I swear! Your like a real life Scooby Doo mystery! Love you, mean it!

    Like

  130. Best story EVER!

    Like

  131. Wow, what a story and it had a twist ending too. Isn’t this the second time that you have written about accidentally chasing a skunk?

    Like

    Wolf of Words recently posted Vacation in Hallus.

  132. Ooph. That’s a bummer. Other than calling a professional to trap it, you could try throwing moth balls in the backyard to deter it. We get a lot skunks and mothballs usually banish them. On the flip side, I find the smell of moth balls almost as offensive as skunks, so it’s a catch-22.

    Like

  133. OMG. You really are night blind, aren’t you? You can take comfort in the fact that your adventures provide great amusement for the rest of us.

    Like

  134. Oh. My. God! Sorry if a giggle a little bit. This story should be included in your next book! Lol.

    Like

    susielindau recently posted A Hike to Hanging Lake Waterfalls.

  135. That’s hilarious!!! I love it!

    Like

  136. Sprinkle mothballs around the perimeter of your yard to keep the assholes away. Note: ineffective for human assholes.

    Like

  137. 140
    Anonymous

    I’ve had an emotional day and this made me laugh. Thank you ❤

    Like

  138. I may have mentioned this in the past but I guess I should reiterate it. My husband is a ( very freaking annoying) insurance agent and arson is not covered on most policies. Arson by random strangers is covered, but if you burn your own house down – on purpose- you’re screwed. Since you repeatedly publicly post your intention to do so I suspect it’s gonna be fairly difficult to convince the insurance company that it wasn’t you and/ or it wasn’t deliberate. ( however, should there ever actually BE a fire- grab the kid and animals and get out and then fan the flames. You likely have better coverage for a total loss. At least that’s what Brian tells me when I am using a torch for somerhing or before he goes out of town. Disclaimer: I am not an insurance agent nor do I play one on TV. I’m just an artist that makes a huge mess and insurance liabilities regularly. Consult your policy prior to planning any fires.

    Like

  139. I thought Skye Mj was some other language for skunk and sounded pretty cool at that. I saw a skunk mommy with a bunch of babies following crossing a busy street in the crosswalk with the light once. Cutest thing ever, but that could look like ducklings in the dark I suppose. Sorry about the confusion and the spraying. That’s misery. Our dog only had an unfortunate experience once with those black and white cats and learned they don’t like to play.

    Like

  140. 143
    Anonymous

    Hilarious as ususal. They have skunk traps! Or maybe just keep him as a new smelly pet

    Like

  141. 144
    Anonymous

    I love skunks, even the smell…I’m weird like that🤷🏼‍♀️ I’d love one as a pet but can’t have them as pets in NY state

    Like

  142. Omg. This is hilarious and we need to send you a high-power flashlight so you can see the special striped kitties.

    Like

  143. Oh my! When I saw the title, and started reading I was worried the ducks were going to run over by some asshole in a car. So I’m actually thankful that you got sprayed instead! Yes, please find or download an flashlight app on your phone for the future.

    Like

  144. I too have horrible night blindness. When I took my dog out late one night he, being a very social ”everybody loves me” kinda dog ran right up to, what I thought was a cat, sitting in the middle of the street. I was all “hey, kitty, kitty, kitty” in a sweet sing-song voice until I walked around the side and saw the long rat tail. Thank goodness it wasn’t a skunk..just a possum. But I ended up scaring into my neighbor’s garage. I had a bout of guilt and decided I should try to warn her, but it was very late and I didn’t want to scare her, or wake up the whole neighborhood. I could see her through her front window so I tapped on her door and yell-whispered “hey..just your neighbor from across the street! You have a possum in your garage”. Although her dog went crazy, she never heard me. I just went home with th knowledge that I at least tried to warn her.

    Like

  145. I concur never go outside. I happen to have went outside at 2am (only time I will go to the store so I can avoid people) and walked right into a huge spider web spanning from the cars to the porch and there were huge spiders just hanging out like it was some big spider kegger, needless to say I ran back inside and refuse to go outside till my roommate deals with it & by deals with it I mean kills them all violently.

    Like

  146. Bawhahaha you just killed me. Never ever leave you house at night without a seeing eye person you skunk chaser 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

    Like

  147. Two things, be careful skunks are notorious for having rabies here in Texas. Also the douche thing does work on skunk stink, Gary Palson wrote about using it on a team of dogs who got skunked by several skunks in , WINTER DANCE.

    Like

  148. A good deed never goes unpunished. =(

    Like

    Jenny Bristol recently posted Announcing My Latest Book, Wisdom from Mom!.

  149. Because of course you did.

    Like

  150. I’m sorry to laugh but OMG. LOL

    Like

  151. My dog got sprayed full on in our yard one time. She was being her usual dopey lab self and just wanted to make a new friend. The skunk felt otherwise.

    Trying to catch her to give her a bath was the worst part because she thought the smell was something she could run away from, so she would break into a sprint for a bit and then stop, look wildly around her like, “OH NO, BAD SMELL IS HERE TOO! IT MUST BE FOLLOWING ME WHY IS IT FOLLOWING ME MUST RUN FASTER!!!!!!1!” and then make a break for it again.

    Liked by 1 person

    Spoken Like A True Nut recently posted Shut up and drive..

  152. 155
    Nicole Miller

    OMG you always crack me up and make me laugh out loud, like people looking at me like I’m crazy loud. Thank you for being you! We love you!!

    Liked by 1 person

  153. 156
    Mrs. Johnson

    Can’t stop laughing. It’s not just what happened, of course, but it’s the way you tell the story. OMG you are fabulous.

    Like

  154. That is some funny story.

    Like

  155. 158
    vickyartmom

    Yes, what I needed today – thank you for being you – and thank you for saving my life over and over – so glad I found you at Powells Book Store!

    Like

  156. 159
    Donna Worth

    One summers eve I rounded the corner of my house and found a skunk perched on the edge of my plastic pond. I shouted at my dogs to come to me to avoid getting sprayed and I startled the skunk and he fell in the pond, which made me laugh and laugh!

    Like

  157. Can I share this on FB? My peeps would dig it.

    Like

  158. 161
    cherylnoble

    My friend had a family of skunks that hung out in her apartment parking lot. Everyone avoided them so no problem until they sprayed her husband’s car.

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Like

  159. 162
    alreadyselected

    Quick, chase it back out of the yard before it reloads. The gamble being did it spray itself out.
    A skunk’s spray can go almost 10 feet and the skunk can spray up to six times in succession. After a full discharge, it can take a skunk up to 10 days to resupply.

    Like

  160. 163
    Kim Turner

    Smelly cats need love too. #KnowUsByOurSmell

    Like

  161. 164
    Dreamerkins

    No! Don’t set fire to the house! Then you’d have nowhere to hide from the skunk!

    Like

  162. I hear mothballs scattered around help chase skunks away. We’ve had several families of them take up residence under our shed and I keep meaning to try the mothball trick. BUT… if that doesn’t work, give your local fish & wildlife department a call. They’ll come trap the skunk(s) and… ahem… dispose of them. Seems cruel, I know, but we were told that most skunks are rabid and we really don’t want them around our pets.

    Like

  163. you are a most wonderful person.

    Like

  164. 167
    Anonymous

    Well, after feeling a bit down, your skunk story made my day!

    Like

  165. I am laughing and thinking of the commercial where the woman thinks she is letting her dog in but it’s really a skunk or raccoon or something. At least it wasn’t a bobcat:).

    Like

    candidkay recently posted Label makers.

  166. 169
    Barbara J Dunfee

    This is mostly off topic, but Huckleberry Hound on in the cartoons was blue, but all the stuffed ones (both I and my brother had one) were red for some reason. I asked my mother why at some point and she told me that he’d been sprayed by a skunk and had to bathe in tomato juice to get the smell off. At five years old or so, I bought it.

    I’m not sure how I knew he was blue on TV since I think we were still a couple years away from our first color TV at that point in the early 1960’s, but this proves mothers are awesome.

    Like

  167. I leave out food and water for the neighborhood stray cats. Husband swears I’m feeding the stray skunks. Potato tomato my friend. All creatures need to eat.

    Like

    slappyintheface recently posted Own Your Mistakes.

  168. I once ran into a skunk as I was taking out the garbage. (S)he was just as startled as me, and forgot to spray me!

    Like

  169. 172
    Anonymous

    Thought you were chasing fowl, but it turned out to be foul!

    Like

  170. 173
    Christine

    I love every.single.word that you write. Thank you for sharing your adventures.
    Much love from the mitten state!

    Like

  171. Thank you Jenny!
    I’ve read both your books and I had a frightening panic atta k today that sent me home, thank God not to the Hospital and your honesty, your willingness to share your adventures good or bad are so inspiring. Thank you!

    Like

  172. Love you, love you Jenny! When my head gets too down and serious, your blog always gets me feeling happy and relaxed again! I hope you know how much we all care about you. Thank you!

    Like

  173. You’re AWESOME!

    Like

  174. On the upside, that skunk is really feeling good right now about having been mistaken for ducks. At least if he reads your blog he is, which he probably does. Or at least maybe if you called after him about his being a duck.

    Like

    Harry Hamid recently posted President Trump is missing!!!.

  175. This is why you’re amazing. Always stay this wonderfully beautiful.

    Like

  176. 10/10 would read for the first time again. Can you arrange the sequel, please?
    Kinda hard to believe that smell will be gone by the time you guys are flying out to Scotland. Will your family make you take a different plane? Just Wondering

    Like

  177. Is the original photo higher-res? Because Getty Images might like to license it. How many photos have that action angle on a skunk?

    Like

  178. I was in the middle of Burbank walking the neighborhood one night, when I was passed by what I first thought was someone’s dog that had gotten loose. Only when I tried to chase it and it silently eluded me did I realize it was a coyote. I do know from earlier encounters that they don’t have claws that click on the pavement as a dog’s do. So that’s my clue. Do not pet shy doggy.

    Like

  179. Was this the neighbor who drove by you and Hailey when you had the Eclipse Box on your head? I want to get their version of the story for the “Ducks, Dogs and Dolls: The Making of the Bloggess” memoir that Hailey is writing, in my imagination.

    Like

  180. Hahahahaha ha ha!!!

    I love thinking about this from the exasperated skunk’s perspective:
    “Eeek,, a person! Ok, do not be afraid. I’m not afraid. Pffft, me afraid?! People are waaay more afraid of skunks than skunks are of people, right?! Right! Nothing to worry about. I will just calmly walk away and mind my own…she is still behind me. Wait. Is she actually – following – me? No, CHASING me! And she keeps sweetly calling me Stupids. Like, is that even thing? A new pet name?! Ok there, Dumbs. XOXO.
    Why is she guidiing me toward this yard. I think it’s HER yard. Is she forcing me to go to her house? O M G this an attempted skunk-napping? HALP!
    What in the actual f..,, A flash? Did she just take my picture? With her phone?!” And again?! Gah! I can’t see! Take my picture again, sweetheart, I dare you.
    Oh. No. She. Did. NOT!!!”

    Like

  181. 184
    Curiouser & Curiouser

    When we moved into our house 17 years ago, a skunk moved in under our house the same month. We were trying to figure out how to get rid of it when we found out that our neighbors on either side of us were paying big bucks to deal with mice problems while we were having no problems at all. Being thrifty, we just named the skunk “Papi” and let it live there. When we were in the pool at night and Papi was going out for it’s evening constitutional, one person would yell “Papi!” and every one would freeze and quietly watch Papi walk along the side of the pool before going out hunting at night. No one ever got sprayed and we never had any mice until after Papi passed away. It was seriously funny to watch guests freak out while standing still. I miss Papi.

    Like

  182. 185
    Curiouser & Curiouser

    For those of you enjoying skunk humor, check out this awesome story from Wil Wheaton. Makes me laugh until I cry! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnhedx1NmPA

    Like

  183. I’m surprised you didn’t smell it right when you went outside. Skunks sort of leak that smell all the time, so you can smell it even if they haven’t sprayed in a while. Best way to get rid of them – run your sprinklers every night. They hate getting wet.

    Like

  184. I know a metaphor when I see one. 😀

    Like

  185. 188
    Angela Pea

    I accidentally petted a skunk once…It was dark, the skunk was crossing the front walk and I thought it was our cat. Fortunately, it didn’t feel obligated to spray me. Maybe the petting was a good time for the skunk. I doubt they every get petted.

    Like

  186. I have finally figured out what this world needs. One word:

    Skunkapotomus

    Like

    The Lost Prince (Solve My Final Puzzle) recently posted Goodbye...?.

  187. My dad’s neighbor used to have a pet skunk with intact sprayer…. So this skunk was an asshole and LOVED to torment the dog… He’d slide one long claw up the dog’s nose while he slept and drag it out slowly…. The dog would get up and start barking and the skunk would raise his tail, look over his shoulder at the dog all “yeah, you’re MY bitch”. And the dog would whimper and lay back down because skunk was an asshole and WOULD spray. Skunk did that constantly to the poor dog.

    Like

  188. nice

    Like

  189. My cousin has two pet skunks, which come from a breeder and have been de-scented. This is very strange. But they are seriously adorable. And they are super cuddly and sweet. And have amazing little hands and faces. And use a litter box. And sleep with them. Skunks. Who knew?

    Like

  190. 194
    Anonymous

    Get Thiotrol from your vet. Our (verry hairy) golden retriever had a fondness for skunks and anything else funky. Thiotrol worked better than any of the home remedies I tried. Good luck!

    Like

  191. 195
    Betsy Smith

    I’m saying you use this to your advantage. A slight skunk stench might keep strangers from chatting you up in the canned vegetable aisle at HEB 😉

    Like

  192. This is the most Jenny thing of all Jenny things I have ever read.

    Like

  193. We are all waiting to hear if any of the recommended de-stinkers worked!

    Like

  194. Had one under my shed, white vinegar and dish soap for the spray. Hopefully your town will catch and relocate (mine doesn’t). Also apparently they like berries so maybe toss a bag of frozen ones away from your yard

    Like

  195. 199
    craftspagan

    I nearly choked on my morning coffee. I am not laughing at you. I laugh at my own memories of skunks climbing in the cat door. It was coming in at night to scarf down our cat’s food. Cat door became locked at night after that. LOL

    Like

  196. 200
    Anonymous

    This is what my daughter posted on Facebook last night; “I am OVER today/tonight! First thing this morning it started off with Toby, our big fat cat, killing a mouse and leaving it in the bathroom for me to find causing me to almost fall over while I was putting my pants on. Now, I’m in the bathroom…again…coming out of the laundry room and I glance in the sink and see the BIGGEST centipede, EVER!! I slowly backed up praying I could find some bug spray in the laundry room. Luckily I did but by the time I turned around, it had disappeared. So, of course, I’m thinking it crawled in the drain, I managed to turn on the hot water and let it run for a bit. Well, nothing happened, so then I thought what if it crawled into the overflow drain/hole so I managed to spray some bug spray into the overflow drain and boom it came shooting out! I killed it, it is dead and I am never EVER going into the bathroom again…send help!” To which I responded with a picture of Ripley from Aliens burning the alien eggs with a flame thrower.

    Like

  197. There is a skunk that randomly wanders through my yard at night. It’s stink wakes me up from a dead sleep if my window is open. I know it’s real because it wakes up Gypsy Cat too. I just lay there and sent mental telepathy for it to get the hell out of my yard so the cat and I can go back to sleep. I don’t chase it and take pictures. Just sayin’
    ‘Course, that’s why you are so much fun to read and have like a gazillion followers. Just sayin’ that to myself.

    Like

  198. If you still smell, you have the advantage of living out in the country. Light a fire outside and roast hot dogs with your family. That smoky smell that gets in your clothes and hair and permeates everything for days, is great for elbowing out the skunk smell. Just get plenty of smoke exposure and it will go away.

    Like

    Transformed NonConformist recently posted Taking Stock.

  199. 203
    Angie_stl

    Why is it when I need cheered up, or at least an antidepressant that works, I never think to come read a bit here on your site or from the one or two ebooks I have or even the audiobook (I think the audio will be the best antidepressant of them all!!). Good luck with Pepe, and if Dorothy still has a little eau de stripē even after the shower, tomato juice is your friend!! I think it may even work on you if soap doesn’t work for you!!

    Like

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