Virtual reality is scarier than reality and I managed to mortify myself there just as much as real life.

This week Victor attempted to get me into gaming by buying an Oculus Go (a sort of stand-alone virtual reality goggle thing that you can play games on) and I have to admit that I was totally sucked in to all of the horror/mystery apps and promptly got lost in a bunch of VR haunted houses.  This was very entertaining to my family who recorded me making an ass of myself and who refused to play any of the horror games, mainly because they seemed to consist of me screaming in terror, flailing and falling over furniture and crawling on the floor to escape things that didn’t exist and that you can’t get away from because that’s not how virtual reality works.

What I have learned from my short time in virtual reality is that I have way too strong of an imagination and that if I’m playing a game where I’m being attacked by giant spiders and you sneak up behind me and tickle my arm I will punch you right in the ear and you will deserve it.

This morning I woke up Victor because I was playing a zombie game in bed and he was like “What are you doing?” and I was like, “DON’T DISTRACT ME.  I’M BEATING OFF A HORDE OF ZOMBIES AND I’M GOING FOR THE RECORD” and he was like, “Ew, phrasing” but I can’t be expected to catch double-entendres while I’m being attacked by the undead, Victor.   Also, I was playing multi-player and the game paired me up with some guy in Russia and I couldn’t really understand what he was saying but he kept waving at me with his gun and I was like, “Wow, this guy is really friendly” so I kept waving back but turns out that he was waving to tell me to turn around and fight because I was being eaten by zombies and then I logged off immediately out of sheer mortification.  Conclusion: I can’t even be cool in virtual reality, y’all.

*******

And on an entirely different subject, it’s time for the Sunday wrap-up!

Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

Shit-you-may-or-may-not-want-to-see:

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54 replies. read them below or add one

  1.         I have vertigo, I wonder if VR would make it worse. 
    

    I still think people look silly with the goggle on and their arms flailing around while they skriek.

    (I’m not sure about vertigo but I was surprised that this didn’t give me motion sickness like the VR from a decade ago did. Although the one where you explore the International Space Station did make me feel disoriented after an hour. I only play for an hour at a time now. ~ Jenny)

    Liked by 2 people

    Gaz recently posted Would you like some gentleman’s relish on your roast beef? Gentleman’s relish and slow cooked beef.

  2. Those videos are gold. I think that you should design your own VR game with Rories, creepy dollhouses, cats, and Beyoncé.

    Liked by 4 people

    My Superpowers Have Yet to Come recently posted Thank You Jenny Lawson (aka the Bloggess).

  3. Love the cat watching quietly from the safety of its bed.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. The cat in the dog-bed looking on with COMPLETE LACK OF AMUSEMENT is my favorite part of this video!

    Liked by 2 people

    débora Ewing recently posted Your Uniform vs. Nobody Should Put Deb In Charge.

  5. Jenny – thought of you when I read about this: There is a new show beginning on PBS MASTERPIECE tonight called The Miniaturist. Description: See what happens when a teen bride’s new husband gives her an extraordinary wedding gift: a cabinet that is a miniature replica of their home—and seems to predict and unravel the future with unsettling precision.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Jenny, I would happily play with you, as I’m mightily intrigued by this thing and want to give it a go. 🤗

    Like

  7. plays video screams are emitted by video Jenny
    Husband downstairs “Um? I hope you still have all your fingers attached!”
    Me: “Oh, it’s OK, it’s just Jenny having the extreme shit cared out of her by virtual horror”
    Husband: Oh,
    P.S. Those VR things are scary. There’s one that’s a Batman in Arkham asylum that is really trippy.

    Like

  8. I’m a total VR klutz too. My wife and I both have our own Oculus Rifts, and she keeps hitting her hand on the birdcage next to her desk, so she has no room to laugh when I trip over my chair. While I’m sitting in it…

    Like

    SkylarkerMom recently posted Sacrificing my kids might be easier….

  9. I tried VR once and suffered an injury from continually grabbing a new arrow from my quiver. I don’t think you should have to see a physiotherapist for a video game. A psychotherapist… maybe.

    Like

    Kristine @ MumRevised recently posted I Missed My Flight Because I Was Trying To Be Fancy.

  10. 10
    CreatingTheRoad

    Your cats! I think that it is Rolly who is trying to open a door for you.

    Like

  11. I’d play if it the game was one that turned me loose in a meadow of dappled sun and shade where I could lay in the grass or stroll around listening to the birds singing. I’d have a picnic basket of noms that I could break pieces off of the bread or cheese and feed to the tiny creatures who came near. If I could make points for every animal or bird I could identify, or the fish in a nearby stream, I guess that would put the game component or multiplayer option into it. -Kindly make this game, Now I want it.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I kind of want to do this…if only to sort of torture my cat, Bella, who’s default mode is crying about everything. She’s like a 12 yr old emo girl..constantly crying about everything, even when she’s getting what she wants (like food. She literally will make this pathetic crying sound BETWEEN bites, the little weirdo.). I can also see my male, Tony, chasing me and going crazy while I stumble around like a sort of drunk person (although I’m the kind of drunk person who will fall over and then puke on your shoes. I’m not drunk NOW..but that’s what happens when I AM drunk. I fall over. And there’s LOTS of puking involved. It’s super not fun, which is why I don’t get drunk. Like..ever.)

    Like

    mommatrek recently posted You Can’t Fix Stupid Friday–Mixed Chemicals Edition.

  13. Hunter: M-M-M-Mom-?
    Ferris: I’LL GO FOR HELP DAMN WHO CHANGED THE DOORKNOBS?

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Hey, you deal with zombies however you need to! 😉 BTW, my glasses get all spotted if I cry, sneeze, or even blink, so there you have it.

    Like

  15. No way am I ever goign to try that VR stuff – and your poor cat was trying so hard to get the door open. Might have succeeded if you hadn’t screamed!

    Like

  16. Beating off zombies sounds like a great horror porn title…

    Like

    Chrissy Woj recently posted Dog training is dangerous work.

  17. This is why I can’t play VR. Or regular video games. But now I can’t stop giggling. Thanks for that!

    Like

    Jess@NoPithyPhrase recently posted More Things Ragnar Ate and Drunk Walrus Impersonations. These Are Unrelated..

  18. I’m giving you cool points for the dress. Gorgeous fabric! I guess that also makes you totally
    overdressed to be playing in a virtual horrorscape with giant spiders & zombies.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. I did the VR thing once but the guy supervising it grabbed me so I wouldn’t wander off, and I thought something in the game grabbed me so I threw off the visor hysterically. It was fun.

    Like

    mydangblog recently posted My Week 207: Vacation Part Two: Crazy Train, Braking News, A Little More News.

  20. Ok you shrieking and yelling “ what the farts!” Scared my cats. How thd helll are yours so calm? Although it looked like Ferris did plot to trip you. https://possumscatsthingsgnawingatme.wordpress.com/2018/09/08/leaping-bird/

    Like

  21. Being cool in virtual reality is a lot harder than you might think! The best you can really aspire to is virtual cool, which is distinctly different from cool cool.

    Like

  22.         Where did the artwork behind you come from? I’ve been searching for something like those tiles  
    

    (They’re called Spiritiles. They’re made by Houston Llew. ~ Jenny)

    Like

  23. Victor will be thankful for your zombie fighting skill when the zombie apocalypse comes. On the other hand, you kind of suck at it, so maybe not…..

    Like

  24. I get carsick, so I’m not sure VR would be a good idea for me. On the other hand, learning to kill of zombies could be a useful skill!

    Like

    Kat recently posted Just A Few Thousand Spiders.

  25. I could barely get through watching YOU experience this. That’s how scared I was. I’m sticking with Pokemon Go. Making animated creatures faint in a VR gym is about as much terror as I can handle.

    Like

  26. Where did you get that amazing zombie killing dress?

    Like

  27. 27
    Irene Claiborne

    Well your cat may have been taking it in stride, but mine was highly concerned when you screamed and came running to me meowing the ‘what’s wrong ‘ meow.

    Like

  28. I’m waiting for virtual sex. But then, who would ever leave the house?

    Like

  29. 29
    Marjorie Birch

    That’s a really pretty dress.

    Like

  30. This was hilarious and amazing. Thank you for posting.

    Like

  31. My nine year old nephew took a course on VR this summer, and on the day of his last class, I had the honor of an early breakfast date with him, due to some scheduling issues. He was telling me about the course, and since he’s nine, I thought I would ask about one of his favorite subjects. “So, what’s it like to fart in VR, Anthony?” He paused, then fixed a look of utter disgust on me, and said, “It’s a FART, Aunt Stacey. It’s not like they gather around and cheer and give you the VR key to the city. It’s just a fart.” Lesson learned.

    Like

  32. That was too funny…..umm, for us anyway!

    Like

  33. 33
    ocularnervosa

    I’m not sure which is my favorite part, the cats or you whispering so the digital images won’t hear you.

    Like

  34. 34
    Carol Anne Fusco

    Gorgeous dress. At least you look beautiful getting terrified!

    Liked by 1 person

  35.         Curious as to why you say, the Oculus Go is "sorta stand alone"; are you saying that because of the controller that goes with it or because you do have to use your phone to sync with the device for configuration?
    

    Anonymous
    officialroryross@gmail.com
    N/A

    (You do use your phone account to buy games but I meant it was stand alone in that you don’t have to own a playstation or Xbox or other kind of gaming system. ~ Jenny)

    Like

  36. Egads, hysterical…. and the cat is like “Um, can someone please just let me out the door, here? I’d really like to get away from whatever is causing Mom to act like a spaz. Hello? Anyone? Beuller?”

    Also – I was thinking what awesome creepy music that was playing in the video… then realized it was my Spotify, which was still on since last night, playing Viking/Norse music. You might want to consider adding Wardruna / Corvus / Heilung music to your VR experience… it would be so much more atmospheric!

    Like

  37. A dollhouse full of taxidermy rodents, each one handcrafted and given a sordid past. – made me think of you — not related to your virtual post, but wasn’t sure how else to tell you. 😉

    https://www.atlasobscura.com/places/mice-manor?utm_source=Atlas+Obscura+Daily+Newsletter&utm_campaign=b2553cb283-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2018_09_10&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_f36db9c480-b2553cb283-69292705&ct=t(EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_9_10_2018)&mc_cid=b2553cb283&mc_eid=dcd0d46be7

    Like

  38.         I was just leaving you a post with the Mice Manor link because I too am on the mailing list for Atlas Obscura. It's all the places I must see before I die. At first I thought this might be you--then I realized this is on the east coast. I see either the development of a best friendship or a competition that will end spectacularly. I can't wait to find out.      
    


    (I want to go there. ~ Jenny)

    Like

  39. I love the fact that your cat just takes your screams in stride 🙂

    Like

  40. I would LOVE to do a VR haunted house. But vertigo would kick my butt right to the floor.

    Like

    Mamacita recently posted Manifestations.

  41.         Off topic, but: THAT DRESS. Where did you get it?   
    

    (It’s years old. I think I got it from Ross Dress-4-Less. ~ Jenny)

    Liked by 1 person

  42. My dad did not stick a suction cup donald duck to his head 40 years ago to amuse me and then have to go to work the next day with a giant circle on his forehead. Nope. DID NOT HAPPEN.

    Like

  43. 1) My cats totally freaked out when they heard this 2) I have the same dress and it is awesome

    Like

  44. You scared the shit out of my dogs when you screamed the first time. Thank you. It was hilarious, their faces! Then they went and barked at the front glass door because they were sure there was something to be concerned about, even if they didn’t know what it was, because of the scream. They did that under-the-breath “woof”ing thing.

    Like

    Lille recently posted you made me feel young again.

  45. I keep threatening to record my hubby on the rift (THE FULL 360 wired, WAY cooler!) and post a video of
    “what my husband THINKS he looks like playing Occulus, vs what he REALLY looks like.

    Which is usually SHOOTING ME!!

    +POUTING* Mine doesn’t even reach sofa for the awesome watching movies aspect, let alone playing. JELLY

    Like

  46. I can’t make myself watch past the first scream, but I love the art on the wall! That’s about my level of willingness to take in any kind of horror – even someone else’s. But…hey, did I mention the art on your wall??? 🙂

    Like

    Rowan recently posted Ah, ah, ah, ah, Stayin’ Alive, Stayin’ Alive.

  47. I just asked my husband for a Rory for my birthday and/or Christmas.

    Like

  48. That was mad! It all looks terrifying but at the same time good fun. Love the reaction (or non-reaction) of your cat.

    Like

    Around My Kitchen Table recently posted Let's Get Flirting.

  49. 49
    Molly Bonovsky Anderson

    We just got VR at the academic library where I work. I enjoy watching patrons move around and flail their arms, but because we’re a library, we have to have “quiet” VR. So no zombie games for us, just surgery simulations and walks through enchanted woods.
    My husband and I love playing “survival horror” video games–in that me “playing” means me watching him and saying things like “Shoot it! Shoot it! Oh…you died.” I’m too chicken to pick up the controller myself.
    I don’t think I’d be able to do what you’re doing there without falling on the floor and crying.

    Like

  50. Wait, pop sockets are 2017?? But I just found out about them and love them! Now of course, I want to try a Suc-It, lol

    Like

    Candy Keane | Geek Mamas recently posted My MommyCon Adventure.

  51. I have to leave this Twitter thread here because it made me laugh.

    What does a person with an imperfect command of English call a Canadian goose?

    Like

  52. Your screams freaked out my dog. 🙂
    And, you know you have a giant penis on the back of your dress, right? (Just asking for a friend.)

    Like

  53. Atlas Obscura just sent me a link to “Mice Manor” in Salem. It’s a dollhouse “peopled” with taxidermied mice acting out murder scenes. I wouldn’t be a good human if I didn’t make you aware of this.

    Like

  54. Wonder if you’ve ever looked at the instagram of this kindred spirit of yours. When I first saw him it reminded my of your houses and rooms. https://www.instagram.com/ibuildsmallthings/?hl=en

    Like

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