I installed Google Analytics on my blog about a year ago and it’s awesome unsettling because it tells you which google searches are bringing people to your blog and you get wonderful disturbing reports like this:
Awesome. And what’s even sadder is how many fewer people are searching for Jesus than are searching for some good old elephant p0rn. And even more disturbing? The actual Jesus searches that led you here.
Jesus-related Google Searches that ended up at The Bloggess:
On a somewhat unrelated note, number of times the word “vagina” was mentioned in yesterday’s post? One hundred and nine. Honestly, it’s hard not to be proud.
Also unrelated and possibly a message from God?
This word captcha I just got.
Awesome.
Comment of the day: True Story: There is a canadian made movie entitled “Jesus Christ Vampire Hunter” where Jesus comes back to fight a) Vampires, b) Lesbian Vampires, and c) a mexican wrestler. ~
Trista
So I was going through my email and found this spam…
…which looks innocent enough until you highlight the body and that’s when I discovered it was actually an invisible, secret code…
More specifically? It’s an invisible, secret code calling me an “asshead”. Repeatedly. Awesome. It’s like the Da Vinci Code. Except, way more insulting.
And also? Why exactly am I still getting billions of spam emails about penises? And who is buying all of the penis enhancements and vi@gra from random emails because technically, this is all your fault. Asshead. And why do I never get spam about vagina enhancements? Because it seems a little unfair and is probably some sort of conspiracy from “the man” to intimidate us with penis-envy. Perhaps if dudes were assaulted with as many disturbing emails about vaginas as I get about penises they would get to work on some better spam blockers. ”Increase your vagina’s girth by 300%! Make it smell like grapes! Control the world with your giant vagina! Asshead! Vagina!“ In fact, I suggest you send random vagina enhancement emails to at least 5 of your male colleagues a day just so they know we mean business. Maybe then they would focus on solving this spam problem and turn away from less pressing matters, like building cat playhouses and tables that will totally kill you.
Updated: Wow. Okay, this one isn’t technically “spam” because it was sent to me specifically asking me to write about them on my blog. And that makes this even more disheartening:
It is better than “Asshead” though.
Updated again: I’m on candid camera, right? Because I just got this spam comment from “Daniel”:
“I think your thinking is nearly matching the great suckrats concept.”
So…I’m nearly as good as “Suckrats”. How flattering. Is this my birthday? I mean, I’m assuming this is a just a terrible misspelling of “Socrates” and I might even have fallen for it if the exact same comment wasn’t left on my blog 27 times in one minute. Very subtle, Daniel. You asshead.
Comment of the day: If I encountered a vagina that smelled like grapes there would be a nearly irresistable urge to step on it to see if I could make wine come out. I can’t be running around stepping on vaginas all day. I have to get to work. Thanks for nothing, Grape Vagina! ~ Kurt
Oh Tony, you win and I didn’t even know we were having a competition.
Worst. spam comment. ever:
Comment of the day: What a coincidence! I found your blog the exact same way! The strangest one for my blog was “my puppy has meat hanging out his butt”. I don’t even know what to say about that one. ~Jen O.
