Phone conversation with my husband who is trying to destroy me:
Me: Can you watch Hailey this Wednesday?
Victor: Which Wednesday?
Me: This Wednesday.
Victor: ‘This’ Wednesday means the Wednesday of this week which has already passed. Did you mean next Wednesday?
Me: No. I mean THIS Wednesday, like this coming Wednesday. This very next Wednesday.
Victor: Yeah, that’s next Wednesday. This Wednesday was four days ago and no, I can’t watch Hailey four days ago.
Me: THIS wednesday implies that it’s the coming Wednesday. Wednesday four days ago was THAT Wednesday.
Victor: I think someone dropped you on your head when you were a kid.
Me: If it happens this next Wednesday then you call it “next Wednesday”.
Victor: Exactly.
Me: Dammit! You’ve mixed me up! I meant you call it ‘THIS Wednesday’. Gah! Can you just fucking watch her this Wednesday?!
Victor: Four days ago?
Me: * violently slamming the phone receiver on the desk *
Victor: Hello?
Me (trying to sound calm): Sorry. Dropped the phone. What exactly do I need to say to have you say ‘Yes’?
Victor: “Next wednesday”.
Me: *Sigh* Can you please watch Hailey…next Wednesday?
Victor: No.
Comment of the day: I don’t understand how he lived this long. I killed my husband about a year ago for the same kind of conversation and now his stuffed body sits at his computer and agrees with me ALL THE TIME. MY MARRIAGE ROCKS! ~ Motherbumper
{ 122 comments… read them below or add one }
Ha! We have this argument ALL THE TIME.
Men.
Angella’s last blog post..Forever Friends
Semantics. I’ve had these conversations too and YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN! STOP ARGUING WITH ME ALREADY!
But really, Victor sounds like a peach.
Headless Mom’s last blog post..Accomplished!
I agree with you that THIS Wednesday means the one coming up. The one that just passed is LAST Wednesday, or alternatively you could call it THIS PAST Wednesday.
JMC’s last blog post..Buncha Books, issue 3 [EDITED BECAUSE I AM A MORON]
oh that’s great. we women have vaginas, so we’re always right. fine.
furiousBall’s last blog post..Picassofonz
Finally someone gets it. Now Furiousball, could you explain it to Victor?
Sorry!
Lauren’s last blog post..Geek of the Week: Twhirl
Last Wednesday was LAST Wednesday! This Wednesday is the next scheduled Wednesday. As it is Sunday now, even his “logic” doesn’t work. That was a different week! I agree, kill the bum! Next time, fight about a day that isn’t has hard to spell! I always have to think Wed-nes-day to spell it correctly! Otherwise I spell it like it sounds, wendsday.
Soon you’ll be in for the ever entertaining “couple vs. few” discussion. For the record, couple = 2, few = 3-6! Few can also be several if it’s more than 4. Now you have that in writing.
Does that mean he is already dead?
I have these kind of arguments with my SIX year old. He’s going to be a lawyer, I just know it.
Kyla’s last blog post..Psst…want to know a secret?
Is it possible for someone to reach through the receiver and pull someone’s still-beating heart from their chest? Because that’s what I would have done.
We have arguments that go more like
Him: Where did you get that sauce/cereal/onion?
Me: From the cupboard. Right there.
Him: Really? I never knew.
M: We’ve had it for 3 WEEKS now. It was sitting, right there in front of you.
H: huh.
Which explains why he spent the last 3 weeks using peanut sauce as BBQ sauce.
You’re a nice wife. In my house I say, “Guess what you’re doing this Wednesday?” And then before he can open his smart mouth I say, “you’re going to actively parent your child!!!” And then I leave the room before he can argue.
If he pulled the This Wednesday/Next Wednesday stuff with me…there would be arrests.
I’m a gem to be married to.
Heather’s last blog post..Oh…Second Base Means Boobies
Feed him lots of bacon. It’s a slow death, but he’ll never see it coming.
witchypoo’s last blog post..My Blog Blew Up
I have this language-based argument except with my MIL. And I am on the same side as you, using “this” to mean the one coming up THIS week.
After reading your post, I’d like to kick his ass for you, after you kill him.
Sunshine’s last blog post..When You Get a Little Too Comfortable With the Workers…
Last. This. Next. That’s the order. I’m totally in your corner on that one.
Avitable’s last blog post..Lazy Sunday XLII
Okay, now I’m a little frightened. We really are married to the same man. Have you read The Pilot’s Wife?
anymommy’s last blog post..HSSH Posts and Then We Are Stoned
your head didn’t explode. now THAT is a testament to how badass you are.
flutter’s last blog post..Escape Sunday
Oh my. My housemate and I argue about this exact same thing except gender roles are reversed.
This wednesday is the one coming up and next wednesday is the one after. Its SIMPLE! Like them. Dumbasses
Clint’s last blog post..Boy for hire…
Ha! This made my day, so glad I’m not the only one having ridiculous conversations like this!
Bri’s last blog post..Today I Met a Baseball Player…and I’m Pretty Sure I Didn’t Make an Ass of Myself
That’s a damn shame since I’m pretty sure you were planning to give him a blow job THIS Wednesday. Alas, tis passed.
He is SO wrong. There is no past “this Weds.” There is only “last Weds.” or “next Weds.” (upcoming”) “this Weds.” (upcoming). It makes no difference WHAT calendar week we are in. Why? Because THAT WOULD BE IDIOTIC TO SAY “this Weds.” for a day that has PASSED.
Suebob’s last blog post..Never Been Prouder
I would have hit him over the head with a shoe.
That is, if he wasn’t on the phone.
Husbands suck.
Mrs. Schmitty’s last blog post..Drop And Give Me Twenty!
They may SAY they love us, but they all are secretly trying to TAKE US DOWN.
manager mom’s last blog post..Political Chat With The MomFather
Now *that*’s friggin funny!
Victoria’s last blog post..I’m Just Saying
long time lurker, first time commenter.
I just had to comment because that is SO exactly a conversation I have with my husband just about every day. too funny
You mean, you will murder your husband *four days ago*?
~EdT.
Ed T.’s last blog post..Reason I’m glad I wasn’t alive millions of years ago…
this post gave me a brain aneurism.
You two are perfect for each other.
Jeff’s last blog post..Mini-Meme: Things that make me…
That must be why I always say, “This coming Wednesday.” I think murdering your husband this coming Wednesday makes perfect sense regardless of whether or not the Wednesday of the week has already passed…
Jill/Twipply Skwood’s last blog post..- ??? ??????? ????? ????????? ?????? ?????
I wanted to hear the next conversation. The one when you ask him why in the heck he can’t watch the child NEXT Wednesday.
And by the way, he’s wrong.
Just in case you needed MORE support.
OMSH’s last blog post..Guess what I talked Mr. OMSH into doing?
Yep, couple= 2, as in 2.0, not 2.5 or 3. Few= more than two, but less than 6. Who doesn’t get that? Anyway, I agree with Jill Twipply, the correct way to speak of days of the week are “this coming” and “this past” name-your-day. That way, even the idiots who don’t understand “this” and “last” still understand what you mean.
A “couple” is definitely 2 only. But the “few” thing is confusing. “A few” equals 3-6 but “Just a few” could mean as little as two. That’s why I prefer “several” for 3-6, “bunches for 7-10, “loads” for anything over 10 and “a shitload” for anything that involves live, loose chickens.
Haha…You should have this conversation with him face to face while holding a meat mallet.
student teacher’s last blog post..Snapshot Sunday…The Late Edition
OMG. I had an aneurysm reading that. I would’ve understood you AND watched Hailey
You wanna trade husbands? Because this sounds so mild in comparison and I think I could deal. I’m sad, I was all fired up about pimping one of my favorite Father’s Day posts for Good Mom/Bad Mom – but without internets I can’t get to the link. I know.. please don’t cry. hugs. ps. if something happens to your husband, this post will look bad!
holli’s last blog post..Lapdog, literally. [Flickr]
Hilarious. Sometimes I get so mad at my hubby on the phone, i hang up and then pretend like we just got disconnected. you know, cell phones.
the mama bird diaries’s last blog post..q + a
fucking christ! i’ll HELP you kill him.
piglet’s last blog post..times, they have a’ changed
What an ass. Men are so freaking LITERAL. Good Lord.
Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..I’m Gonna Go Bruce Banner on Yo Ass
Victor is retarded. He needs a helmet and a pass for the short bus.
Then you need to make sure that you beat the hell out of him with a large stick. I would be happy to hold him down for being an effing moron.
MommasTantrum’s last blog post..Blogiversary
Dear Jenny,
I would like to watch Hailey for you THIS Wednesday and NEXT Wednesday.
And maybe the one after that.
And maybe every day between now and forever.
That might be helpful since her father will be dead and her mother will be in prison.
You’ve got my number.
Robin’s last blog post..Do you remember what you were doin’ 20 years, 6 months & 18 days ago? I do.
Er…um…something tells me this is EXACTLY what a conversation between Clinton and Obama would go.
She: I won the popular vote.
He: Nuh uh. Besides, those aren’t the rules.
She: But I did.
He: *slams phone on desk*
Greta’s last blog post..Back Feels to Traction Heals: Vol. II*
Excuse me…HOW a conversation would go. Dammit.
Greta’s last blog post..Back Feels to Traction Heals: Vol. II*
Want me to make room up the back of the garden for him babe?
I might have to dig another whole, seeing my husband will be residing there right about Wednesday…
Note to self: Buy more lime…
Kelley’s last blog post..Tiny hands
what never fails to amaze me is how fathers “watch” their kids, while the mother, well, she’s just, you know, THERE. LIVING. which automatically includes PARENTING. i’ve never heard a mom say, “ah, shit. can’t go to the game tonight, sorry. gotta WATCH the kids.”
what the fuck? does Victor ask you to WATCH Hailey?
babysitters WATCH kids. and in-laws.
(and pedophiles, i guess, but i digress. and anyway, ew.)
and not that you need me to tell you, but your use of “this” is correct and perfect and clear as the “spring” water we’ve been drinking from BPA laden bottles so surely we shall perish of a slow and dysmorphic condition. which HEY!
Victor likes WATER, right? problem solved.
you’re welcome.
That makes no goddamn sense! Selective listening I tell ya.
Felicity’s last blog post..For the sake of the family…
Oh my holy hell.
Seriously?
Argh.
rachel’s last blog post..The Dub Dubs for May 24th to May 30th
I would say this Wednesday is the one in this current week.
It’s lucky for him that you were on the phone so you couldn’t wrap the phone cord around his neck and pull it really tight. BUT, that would be difficult since it’s not 1985 and there aren’t phone cords anymore. Ooh! I know! I know! Take the antennae from the cordless phone and threaten to use in in vulgar, crude, torturous ways. Use technology to your benefit.
AMomTwoBoys’s last blog post..Weekly Winners 6.1.08- Nautical Edition
For the record, not all men are like this. Hell, I woulda whacked Victor with a frying pan. Then again I can be (but am rarely) violent and have a bit of a temper.
No way. I’m totally with Victor on this one. It’s all about what week it is. This is basic common sense.
Sometimes men are not proper!
Wenchy’s last blog post..Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes.
I should add that about a minute later he did agree to watch Hailey so he gets a small reprieve.
At some point in these type of conversations I start throwing in dates…as in, “Will you fucking watch YOUR OWN CHILD on Wednesday the fucking 4th of June, Year of Our Holy Lord Jesus Christ 2008?”
About the time I start bringing in the big J people know I’m a mite bit peeved. Also two f-bombs in the same sentence. Although that also might mean I’m drunk and about to start professing my love for the universe.
markira’s last blog post..Sex with Peter
married people are funny
blundstone’s last blog post..oh yeah. via http://www.mpp3.net
A friend and I have this argument all of the time! It’s this Wednesday, but she’s also the one that when referring to going to Wal-Mart says “The Wal-Mart”, another sure discussion starter.
Remember in third grade and the boys had cooties and smelled funny so we stayed far, far away from them.
We were wise beyond our years in third grade.
Amy in Ohio’s last blog post..Does this scarf make me look like a terrorist?
blundstone – funny ha ha or funny I feel so sad for you?
Amy in Ohio’s last blog post..Does this scarf make me look like a terrorist?
That is freakin’ hilarious! I feel like I have conversations like that all the time with my husband.
Yep; you’re right. That man needs killing. I’ll bring my old shoes.
(This is why I’m divorced. Saves on legal fees. Avoids all that digging, too.)
The phrase “this coming Wednesday” works, if you do decide not to kill him this time.
Oh. My. God! That was so funny! I can’t tell you how many conversations I’ve had with my husband like that. I’m happy to know we’re not the only ones who are nuts!
Christy’s last blog post..Weekend Round Up
I think your husband and my husband are twins
Jenn’s last blog post..Manic Friday
I’m with Victor on this one.
I think the day od the week matters a lot. If it were Thursday and you said “this Wednesday” I would be confused. If it’s Saturday, less confusion but still a requirement of saying “next Wednesday”.
By Sunday, “this Wednesday” makes sense. Unlike my comment.
Arjewtino’s last blog post..If only there were some way to scientifically prove what it feels like to get hit in the balls
Damn it, Ajewtino! Now you’re forcing me to admit that this conversation actually happened on Friday rather than Sunday but I accidentally published the caulk post instead of this one so I had to wait until Sunday to post this post and then change the number of days so it made sense which technically it still should because Sunday is the last day of the week and not the first day of the next week in spite of what you may have heard.
Oh my god, I’ve given myself an aneurysm.
So then it’s settled…Victor and Ryan shouldn’t be in the same room together. Their “I’m the shiz” attitudes would join forces to create a firestorm of arrogance that would manifest itself into a 50-foot-tall Tom Cruise/Russell Crowe hybrid who would destroy everything in its path and then tell you why its right.
The Introvert’s last blog post..funeral
Would you come visit my blog this Wednesday?
Swampy’s last blog post..No Time to Blog
Five days ago?
I can’t believe I’m about to betray you like this… but… I agree with Victor. If it’s on Sunday, then “this Wednesday” definitely describes the next Wednesday on the calendar.
*ducks from bricks which will inevitably be thrown*
ali’s last blog post..To sleep, perchance to freak the $#@% out
I don’t understand how he lived this long. I killed my husband about a year ago for the same kind of conversation and now his stuffed body sits at his computer and agrees with me ALL THE TIME. MY MARRIAGE ROCKS!
motherbumper’s last blog post..such a knob
I propose a round of Jeopardy for him. The answer is “next century.”
The question: When will you ever get laid again, husband?
Tranny Head’s last blog post..Work, Tranny Head, Work!
Heheheh it says you have 69 response already.
Nikki’s last blog post..Fun Monday: I made it with my own two hands
I have to agree with ya. If you’ve already passed Wednesday then the very next Wednesday is “this Wednesday.” And that constitutes the greatest number of Wednesdays I’ve ever used in a sentence.
I’m with you: this Wednesday is the upcomming; next Wednesday is the one after that.
Men are frustrating. That didn’t even need saying, did it?
Jodi’s last blog post..When Did this Happen?
Don’t even get me started when the movie “Friday After Next” came out. I was so confused. The syntax of that line made my head want to (willingly) explode.
See, I thought they were talking about when the movie was coming out. And Mike was all, “it’s the sequel to “Friday”, dumbass.”
jen from boston’s last blog post..London Calling
“This Wednesday” refers to the closest Wednesday to the present time. Whether it’s 2 or 6 days from now is a moot point. Though the use of “this coming Wednesday” certainly helps clarify for those people who think “this” really refers to “past” and can help cut down on superfluous holes in backyards.
Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..LOST S4ep13
LOL. Who’s on first?
John’s last blog post..Go To Sleep Dammit!
Why wait?
Robyn’s last blog post..Romance’s Favorite Man
I say this Tuesday is as good as any other day. Go for the element of surprise.
What time is his wake and funeral? And more importantly, will there be a party afterwards?
Ok I normally don’t comment but I can let this one go. The conversation we had was on a Thursday morning so “this Wednesday” was the day prior as it is in the same week. Next Wednesday would have been the next Wednesday.
Heee! Your husband is awesome.
Captain Steve’s last blog post..Sex and the City: The Movie
jean says:
June 2nd, 2008 at 11:02 am
What time is his wake and funeral? And more importantly, will there be a party afterwards?
The real question is will his funeral be this Wednesday or next Wednesday? Oh, and your first mistake was asking him, not telling him.
giggle, jenny said “caulk”
magina
Sorry V… “this” never refers to something in the past… much in the same way “that” refers to what I just said, which is now in the past. Because if I was referring to something I am now saying or will come in the future – I would say “this”, but “that” has already been said. Am I making myself clear?
“And that’s when I killed him, Your Honor.”
ben’s last blog post..Want!
Whatever you do, don’t let Victor from last Wednesday see the Victor from next Wednesday, or something bad might happen to the Victor from this Wednesday. You know, time space continuum and all that.
Jessica’s last blog post..How to: Stuff your husband’s shorts
For some reason, this cartoon seems appropriate.
I have these conversations with my SO and it makes me want to beat my head on the wall. He is so damn stubborn and convinced he is always right. NO. MATTER. WHAT.
Uh-mmm, so it’s a question of the real meaning of “this.”? I’d say just go ahead and start plotting the deed.
Faye’s last blog post..Quilting Memories
TXmommy, so if on Wednesday I say I am doing a big project “this week” that began on Monday that would not be correct since that began in the past? Sorry your logic is not correct in all instances. Therefore anything you say must be wrong.
However if I said “this” blog has some comments from people who are retarded it works perfectly.
See people, this is the kind of shit I deal with all the time.
OMG! It is sooooo this Wednesday! I’ve got your back my friend. I just use dates now when talking to my husband. Try it…it just might save your sanity.
Tracey’s last blog post..Warning: This is Rude!
Somebody may have dropped you on your head (I don’t believe anybody else has addressed that), you are right in your usage, but 31 years of marriage has taught me that it is best to use specific days and dates (including 4-digit years) in this type of conversation.
The root of the problem lies in the ideological differences between people who believe that Sunday is the beginning of the week and those who think that the week begins with Monday. The nitpicking over “This Wednesday” is an outgrowth of that same problem. If something is in front of you and you gesture in its direction you say “this”. If it is behind you, like an odd looking cow your car has driven past, you would say “that”. Even if it is not a cow. Perhaps Victor is from another country?
apathy lounge’s last blog post..Pardon My Ennui
Oh, I love having that argument. It’s a mans way of getting you totally frustrated before just saying no, which they could have just said in the first place!
If I might suggest instead of asking “Can you watch Hailey this Wednesday?” just say “You’re watching Hailey on Wednesday.”
Takes the wind right out of their sails! LOL
Casuallyeclectic’s last blog post..Foot-in-mouth disease
Ask him if he wants to have sex THIS evening. see if he understands you then.
It sucks trying to argue with someone who’s right, doesn’t it?
I wouldn’t know.
You are right. He is wrong. (I am an English major so I know these things.) What an annoying conversation to have and then have it end in still no one to watch the kid!
Barb @ getupandplay’s last blog post..Best kiss ever
I am with “me” above. The usage can be explained this way:
“Do you want your dick to get touched by a human being who is not you in THIS lifetime?”
Sonia Simone’s last blog post..The Three Bears of Social Media Marketing: Part 1 (Mama Bear)
Who cares whether it was “this” “next” or “in two weeks”? The correct answer to “Can you watch Hailey…” (at any time) is YES!
…
And no jury of women would ever convict you.
[Suddenly I want to start singing "99 bottles of beer" for some reason...]
Mary’s last blog post..Fun Friday Question for May 2008 – your most embarrassing moment?
He’s still alive?
Lady M’s last blog post..Aid Workers of NGOs (New Grandparent Organization) Depart Lady M Household
He’d be dead already if he was mine. Absolutely no doubt about that.
Aoj & The Lurchers’s last blog post..Fun Monday # 20 something
You will murder him NEXT Wednesday!
Jacqueline Carly’s last blog post..Kiss my kettlebell!
“This” is proximal. So whatever Wednesday is closest would be “this” Wednesday. Now, if your conversation HAD happened on the Sunday (as you originally misled us to believe in your original post to cover your faulty logic), you would be absolutely correct. But since then, we have discovered your oh-so-convenient rearrangement of the facts. Leaving aside your propensity for skewing the story in your favour, now that we all have the larger picture, it is clear that your husband was right. And more importantly: you were (say it with me now) … W-R-O-N-G.
You’re welcome.
Nils’s last blog post..“Hurray. Hurray! The First of May! Outside screwing starts today!”
“This” is proximal. So whatever Wednesday is closest would be “this” Wednesday. Now, if your conversation HAD happened on the Sunday (as you originally misled us to believe in your original post to cover your faulty logic), you would be absolutely correct. But since then, we have discovered your oh-so-convenient rearrangement of the facts. Leaving aside your propensity for skewing the story in your favour, now that we all have the larger picture, it is clear that your husband was right. And more importantly: you were (say it with me now) … W-R-O-N-G.
You’re welcome.
Ooops. it told me to be patient and I wasn’t. So, double post. My bad. But no less true for being repeated.
Nils’s last blog post..“Hurray. Hurray! The First of May! Outside screwing starts today!”
Yes Nils, but since you posted your response twice it nulls itself which means I’m still right. I’m shocked you don’t know these rules. It’s as if you’ve never argued with a woman before.
This was all fun and games until someone went and made me actually think about the matter. Now it just seems like work.
Amy in Ohio’s last blog post..Cue the Miss America music – we’ve got winners!
Damn. Hoist on my own petard.
Nils’s last blog post..“Hurray. Hurray! The First of May! Outside screwing starts today!”
I had a MALE teacher that used to argue the same thing w/ us… GRR..and you couldn’t kill him w/out getting expelled. It’s a guy thing.
mp’s last blog post..They don’t say burst anymore.
I would agree with Victor. Unless, of course, I was arguing with him.
Jenni’s last blog post..Warning: Stereotypical Mom Blog Post
Freaking hilarious. And I’m so sorry. And by the end I wasn’t sure which this was next or not.
My husband is currently trying to rock our boy to sleep while I fiddle on the computer, so I shall not say a maligning word…
Julie @ the calm before the stork’s last blog post..baby einstein swinging purple people sleeper
Uh… He’s wrong. This Wednesday implies the upcoming Wednesday. Next Wednesday implie the following one. Last Wednesday implies the previous. However since he appears to be deliberately antagonizing you, I recommend stating the actual date you need the activity to take place. Or, divorce him.
MichaelTAdams’s last blog post..I’m bout to do something I haven’t done in a long time…
We prefer the ground vs. floor argument. I’ve been informed that it isn’t floor if it’s outside- it’s the ground. Gah.
Someday my divorce papers will say, “Constantly mocks perfectly acceptable verbage.” If I get a female judge she will totally understand.
jenk’s last blog post..Small Town Politics
Oh my god! This is hysterical!!
I do not agree with your murdered husband, for the record.
Post a poll. I can’t read through all the comments, and now I’m curious as to how many people have this all effed up…
Danielle’s last blog post..Happy 2nd Birthday My Cannon-ball
Are you sure you weren’t in my house when this convo went down!? Holy shit… this is exactly the kind of thing that my husband does! Thank god I’m not alone… !!!
Thanks for the laugh tonight…
Best,
Audrey
totally consider myself a christ follower….and i freaking love your site!! maybe that’s why i scare some people…hmmmmm.
oh shit…i totally put that comment on the wrong post….
I just want to say that I love motherbumper.
The end.
Um, pass it on.
Velveteen Mind – Megan’s last blog post..BlogHer Newbies Unite and Promote
OhMiGosh! Were you a fly on the wall in the bedroom? Excet my kid is not named Hailey and it wasn’t about watching the kiddo, but ANYWAY, I end up in one of the maddening coversations about every two weeks. I feel for you Jenny!
“Sorry. Dropped the phone.”
Best line ever.
Aimee Greeblemonkey’s last blog post..Eventful Day