I hardly ever get preachy on here but I’m going to do it today because I’ve had too much caffeine to think reasonably. The Mom 2.0 Summit is coming up in a couple of days and I’ll be there. This conference is a personal favorite because it’s small, it’s run by some of my best friends, and because it was the first conference I ever went to that had no drama, no weirdness and no classism. It’s a conference where it doesn’t matter if you’re A-list or Z-list or a vendor or a bartender or a homeless person who wandered in off the street. All that matters is that you’re a person and everyone is nice to everyone else and it makes me proud to be in social media. I hope everyone has a chance to go to a conference like this at least once in their lives and what I’ve learned from these conferences is that they are what we bring to them, and personally I’m bringing a whole lot of xanax. And love. And anxiety. And if you bring drama to this sweet conference I will punch you right in the nose. And then I’ll have to punch me in the nose because I just started a fist fight at a conference that’s supposed to be about love and acceptance. LOOK WHAT YOU JUST MADE ME DO.
My point here is that it’s easy for silly dramas to overshadow good things and for small slights to get blown out of proportion and that the best thing that you can do if someone pisses you off or hurts your feelings is to go up to them and give them an enormous hug. Both because it’s healing and it’ll make you feel better about being so totally selfless and also because it’ll make the person who was mean to you all paranoid and they’ll be too disoriented by your kindness to be mean to you anymore. It’s a win for everyone. Especially for all of your friends who don’t have to spend the rest of the evening awkwardly picking sides and watching the whole debacle unfold on twitter.
Of course, the awesome thing about social media is that you have a voice and you don’t have to listen to any of this and can go out right now and write a post about just the opposite of this one and call it “Why it’s important for me to be an asshole” and I will support that post entirely because everyone has the freedom to choose the type of asshole you want be and I celebrate that freedom. Personally, I’m going to try to be the kind of asshole that looks for the goodness in everyone, hugs everyone I see, and suffocates any drama if I see it. It’s my fondest hope that you’re that kind of asshole too.
I think I’m supposed to put up a badge that says I’m speaking at the conference but I never do that so instead I just made my own badge. Please feel free to steal it no matter what kind of an asshole you are.
Comment of the day: There’s something about your badge that makes me want to use a public bathroom. ~ Marinka
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Just want you to know that I strive to be YOUR kind of asshole – wait, that didn’t come out right. Anyway, thanks for your stance against negative assholery!
Jane´s last blog ..To Are Or Not To Are – THAT Is The Question
This is the coolest badge ever. I would like to print it out on a poster and put it up in my office. Do you care?
It’s yours, my friend.
I totally want to be your kind of asshole, and I have to say that I love everyone that is your kind of asshole. That is awesome!!!
I’d like to see that kind of asshole more often.
Wai–DAMMIT.
K´s last blog ..What the hell, day?
ha, nice badge – i hope the conference is stab and punch free and that you get to strangle any drama – with hugs
Sheila (@stinginthetail)´s last blog ..First, suck up to the pope….
Very cool. I won’t be going, but it sounds a lot like Blissdom – small, drama-free (at least from what I saw), and run by awesome people.
Selfish Mom´s last blog ..What are the odds? 911 dispatcher saves son
Wow Jenny. You just made me want to go to Mom 2.0 Summit. And you made me want to give a lot of people a hug. Like my sister and Adam Baldwin. LOL
Lee
Lee´s last blog ..Tiny Tongs Review and Giveaway!
Your kind of asshole is my favorite kind.
Stefanie´s last blog ..it’s your story: hot for teacher part one
Assholes = not cool. I say punch them anyway. Or better yet, bust a bottle and stab them that way. It’s so much more badass. All kidding aside, you are the biggest non-asshole, so you should totally invest in some WWJD bracelets and replace the Jesus with Jenny. Just a thought.
I love you.
I can’t wait to hug you. Every night between now and then when I freak out I will do guided meditation involving you being awesome and/or stabbing assholes.
Maria´s last blog ..doing battle
You make it sound less scary, more inviting. I’m a dog mom, I wonder if that’s allowed somewhere in the books.
p.s. Still, I want your badge plastered on the side of my jeep.
I am an asshole just like you and also run for the hills whenever drama is approaching. I too just want to get along and love that you feel the same!!
Have fun!
Sadie at heyMamas
Well, there goes my whole plan to make a name for myself by starting some major shit at Mom 2.0. Guess I’ll just greet you warmly … either that, or work on my “disarm a crazy bitch holding a knife” move. That would make for some sweet drama, am I right?
Daddy Scratches´s last blog ..Y? Because I’m a basket case!
That’s one of the most beautiful blog buttons I have ever seen. I’m soo jealous. I didn’t hear about Mom 2.0 until last month. I totally want to go, but have no funds for it. Maybe I can win the lottery in the next few days?
Julie {Angry Julie Monday}´s last blog ..Hanging with Harry Connick Jr.
I really needed that today. Can you make that badge into a thing that I can send people who send me emails about how I am a terrible mother and incompetent and boring and don’t care about people? Thank you.
Elizabeth Potts Weinstein´s last blog ..Everything or Nothing: An Ode to the INFJ
Thank you for always making me laugh. It’s a rare gift, lady.
Love the banner. I’m keeping it. Cause I’m that kind of asshole.
my asshole fully supports your asshole. the end.
mylittlebecky´s last blog ..there’s an awkward pause at some point but right after that i break into song (not really) (maybe) (no, it’s just nudity) (sometimes youtube edits really great racks out) (i’m just sayin)
I generally handle conflict & drama by pretending it really doesn’t invade my world…..and that generally works b/c then the people are like *fuck this isn’t working* and give up and decide to just get over it….
BUT….last week I did have a dream that some chick was being a skank and I totally called her on it…and then she told her boyfriend (who was in a gang) and they ended up coming after me and chasing me……this entailed lots of mass murdering & machine guns…..
So maybe….just stick with hugging???
NinjaDragonFly´s last blog ..The Delusional Captivity of Romance
I’m so happy that you said it was fine to steal that, because I was totally going to do that anyhow. Great post.
I love that badge so much it makes me want to hump you a little.
I bet you’re glad that I won’t be at Mom2.0, for that very reason.
Say hi to dooce for me.
I’ll be printing that out and putting it up behind my desk. I like your kind of asshole.
That sounded weird but I’m not taking it back.
everything you just laid out in exquisite detail is why i have never attended a social media conference. but i do wish you the best of luck speaking and hope you have a great time. i’ll think of your assholeness as i pop my xanax.
Sounds like the perfect motto. I’ll be at the Mom 2.0 Summit, and I personally promise not to cause any drama, I don’t particularly like knives myself. So, if I happen to see you at Mom 2.0, then I will be nothing but nice! lol Oh, and I might ask to borrow a xanax.
I once read terms of service that had all the legal stuff then in all caps said something like “Our TOS basically boil down to this: Don’t be an asshole (or perhaps it was douchebag, can’t remember).”
This post should be linked to by all conference organsiers.
Cheers!
KerryJ
KerryJ´s last blog ..
Is this your way of saying William Shatner isn’t coming? Too bad!
I believe in a world without drama, a world where even a hint of it is suffocated by hugs. I also believe that negative [insert bodily orifice of choice here]ery needs to be stamped out by positive [insert bodily orifice of choice here]ery. I also believe firmly in Wheaton’s Law. But, as Kurt Vonnegut said “I still believe that peace and plenty and happiness can be worked out some way. I am a fool.”
John “Erudite Ogre” Stevens´s last blog ..Aetheric Ephemera: Horny Werewolf Day Edition
I’m not much for drama as I find that life provides more than enough that I don’t want at anytime ever without me asking for it. And having been trapped in my house for a week by almost three feet of snow I’m just so excited to be coming to visit a city I’ve never been to and to see lots of people I know for a fact I really like and who make my life better because I met them in the internet.
And I may at some point stand or sit awkwardly by you, so I’m hoping that’s okay. I may even need to borrow a Xanax if I’m to actually speak real words on my panel.
Laurie´s last blog ..And if by chance, that special place
I wish I went to big fancy conferences like that, with big fancy badges. Aren’t I enough of an asshole too?
Bridget Callahan´s last blog ..No, really.
I can’t imagine this conference to be any other way – it’s what I’m betting on. And the best part of being a “newbie”? You have no idea where the baggage lies. Ignorance is bliss.
Pammer´s last blog ..Hostage
I try to be the nice kind of asshole; the kind that allows the poo to pass and leave me unscathed.
awesome post. I love the badge, I would wear one to work if I wouldnt end up in the jacket with the extra-long sleeves… I might anyway.
Tim´s last blog ..tgraham_hou: @watsonspub nice baconcheddar burger and A+ with xtra credit onionrings
Mmmkay. What if hugging makes one hyperventilate? You know, hypothetically. Can I just jump straight to stabbing? Oh wait. I am a pacifist. Sorry, your blog makes me stabby. In a good way.
OK here we go. Big ol bear hug. Feel it. Rock back and forth. Wait for the awkwardness to peak. Flutter taps on your back. There it goes! Supreme awkward peaking…NOW! Ahhhh.
Never again. Never again. You just broke my hugging cherry.
My Dog’s Breath Smells Like An Asshole (AKA Tiruba from Tubaville)´s last blog ..Salivating, pissing, wading, whining, scritchy scratch peace
so glad you are blogging about stabbiness again. i was worried about you.
HUGS!
You’re the best asshole a girl could ask for.
Amo´s last blog ..She likes the booooys in the baaaand….
I, too, would like this hanging up in my office. Except that I’m a teacher and would probably receive some parent complaints, which is SO UNFAIR because I think my 8th graders need this reminder.
Erin´s last blog ..Snow Day
You are my kind of asshole. However, I would put a twist on my assholishness and learn the vulcan pinch. The stabbiness is a little too gory for me but a nice pinchy neck massage while hugging would be like I lulled them to sleep with my love. I would like to be known as the Nap Fairy (instead of the fat bitch which is what they usually call me).
Enjoy the stab-free conference!
Lee´s last blog ..No More Reality
sometimes hugging leads to humping which is fine but I just don’t want to miss it.
thecheckoutgirl´s last blog ..Why, Yes, It IS Cold Enough For Me But Thanks So Much For Asking And Please Don’t Mind My X’s For Eyes Because I Just Died From How Clever You Are
There’s something about your badge that makes me want to use a public bathroom.
Mom 2.0… that reminds me of my favorite euphemism for taking a big dump…
“I’ll be right back, I’m going to go release version 2.0″
one more reason to love you
I never bring the drama, just the smiles and the goofiness
This: this is why I love you.
Or you will stab people with rainbows. Remember if you say/write rainbows everyone automatically forgets about everything around that word. With the word rainbows you insult, stab, & do whatever else you want without consequence because that’s the power of the rainbow.
beth aka confusedhomemaker´s last blog ..Where Does The Time Go?
I’m looking forward to Mom 2.0 for exactly this reason!
Lylah´s last blog ..Want a positive response? Take a chance
I really, really wish I was going to this conference.
But I still haven’t unpacked from the last one and my baby is giving me the stink eye after 18 hours in the car.
Please tell your friends to have their conference in March next year because I’m going no matter what. I’m *that* kind of asshole.
Megan {Velveteen Mind}´s last blog ..Snapshot of Bliss
That graphic rocks. I love the scene in the Rat Chef movie (I don’t attempt to spell stuff like that) where Colette says, “Keep your station clean; or I will kill you.” Personal fave. Hope there isn’t any drama at Mom2. Have fun!
sprittibee´s last blog ..Blissdom Shared: Sponsored Prize Winners
If you share your xanax, I’m sure everyone will forget about the drama.
The button is beautiful. Maybe you could sell it to Google for a trillion dollars, so it could come up on every blogger’s comment pages. Then they could add a line about “I know how to track your IP address, anonymous commenter troll” and life would be good for everyone!
a´s last blog ..Equations
Oh my dear god! The rants where I can tell you’re high without you having to tell me are my favorites!
Rob´s last blog ..I Suck…
I’ll be there (in the evenings), and I will be very nice. No drama, no stabbing. Promise!
I am printing out your badge and hanging it on my office door, because really? I work at an all male military school and I am pretty sure it’s more PC for a MILF to stab a teenage boy than hug them anyway. Less likely to end in a lawsuit anyway.
Thank you.
Jamie´s last blog ..I am SO flawed.
Love!
Alli´s last blog ..
I think I am slightly giddy with cold medicine but I am giggling like a freaking Japanese schoolgirl meeting “The Boss” right now. I LOVE that badge and am currently trying to figure out how to post it on my facebook profile page. Have fun at the summit, much love!
Cassie´s last blog ..wordless wednesday
You’re the best kind of asshole Jenny
xo
Princess of the Universe´s last blog ..Pink Sparkly Hearts…
If I ever get a job again, that badge is getting printed out and put in my cubicle. Until then, I think I can find some other places for it! Thanks!
msdarkstar´s last blog ..Happy Feast of St. Stoogepie!
Dear Jenny,
You’ve redefined “asshole” without having to “redefine” assholes.
See. Men DO understand science.
-Tony
Tony´s last blog ..Reading the Bloggess…
I’m gonna be at that there love conference your talking about and I is bringing a whole sack of drama. And a sack of bedbugs, but thats somethin’ totally diff’rent.
j. caroline´s last blog ..Not What You’re Expecting
OMG your badge is fabulous and I absolutely love this post. We should all try to be un-assholes like you.
Oh, I all kinds of LOVE you. Man, I wish I could be there!!!
It seems the problem with most assholes is that they don’t know they are being assholes. They tend to start a little bit of drama that keeps escalating, getting bigger and bigger, like those little snowballs that turn into snow boulders as they roll down a steep hill. Then eventually when everyone gets crushed by an avalanche of asshole snow, they think, “how the hell did that get so out of control,” which is why I like your preemptive strike of being one of those huggy assholes, good idea:)
Matt Savage´s last blog ..Announcing the 45 Day Online Dating Challenge
Well, *I’m* the kind of asshole who is going to try and make that badge of yours go viral. I might just throw that sucker up on my sidebar. I have some crazies in my life who could use that reminder. Also, I’m prepared to follow through on it. But don’t be scared of me if you meet me at one of these conferences. Really. Why are you backing away from me? Jenny? Come back!
Lynn @ Walking With Scissors´s last blog ..Stunted
I’m totally stealing it because I’m the kind of asshole that has to do whatever new thing is going on and post entirely too many things to my social media pages.
Mireyah Wolfe´s last blog ..Silver Lining
That badge is so going up in my office tomorrow. I work in customer service. Those assholes need to be reminded every now and again that I’m not afraid to cut a bitch.
You’re going to have so much fun. I’m a mom & a blogger, but my baby is 32, so I wouldn’t fit in as a mommy blogger or mompreneur. The next time there’s a “old lady blogger” conference, I’m in. People won’t be stabby there; we’ll all just share pictures of our grandchildren and go to bed early. I’m putting your badge on my sidebar, though, because I am that kind of asshole.
Barbara´s last blog ..Twitter Choice Awards
Now,that’s a great type of asshole to be.
If your bored, I did take the image/button & I posted what kind of asshole I am, on my blog.
I’m a new reader & am loving your blog, thanks for sharing what kind of an asshole you are! =)
claire´s last blog ..I have the winter blahs…
You just described everything that was wrong with BlogHer last summer. I hope some of your assholiness rubs off on all conferences going forward!
Jenny, you convinced me to go to BlogHer this summer. Now I’m getting the sense that I may have encounter drama, punching, classism, and stabbing. Should I pack a knife along with my business cards? I won’t know anyone, so I want to be prepared. Is it like prison for bloggers?
Theresa Milstein´s last blog ..Homage to Harry
My hopes for other conference goers like you, that are not pretentious and snobby is one of the main reasons I am looking forward to BlogHer10:)
(i know gag me with sap but its true!)
Awwww Jenny
You always bring some color to my little blackened heart. *hugs* Even more so then seeing someone wearing 5 inch heels on a icy sidewalk slip and bust their asses in the name of fashion. One day we will sit in the bathroom and get plastered together at a blogging convention.
Crystal´s last blog ..Weekly Weird Find on the World Wide Web….
Normally I’m the kind of asshole who only steals images from google. But thanks.
Kristin´s last blog ..Lost in Kansas, planet earth
I actually thought about breaking my “no fly” rule for this conference, but I have training all that weekend. Next year.
Love the badge! Had to take your advice and go ahead and get one for myself. I would love to put that in my office, or maybe on my purse so people would see it everywhere I go.
Margaret´s last blog ..Self-Love Day 2010
Jenny, I love the badge too, but when I saved it to my computer and then went to upload it, it was a picture of Hailey. Very cute……but not quite the same….lol.
Sandy´s last blog ..Fun Monday/and the award goes to…..
How bizarre. I actually designed it over a picture of Hailey but I have no idea how it would default back to the old picture. I’m like magic. Hang on. I’ll post a screenshot on flickr. That should work.
Updated: http://www.flickr.com/photos/thebloggess/4361690818/sizes/o/ Try that.
I want to hang out with a bunch of assholes. And drama queens. And stabbers. Oh wait, I’m already ON the PTA. I wish I could go to your Xanax conference. Sigh. Guess I’ll stay home and drink. Again.
Julie, The Wife´s last blog ..Why The Children Are Locked in Their Rooms…Forever.
Oh! Oh! Fun game! “What kind of asshole are you?” Better than any Cosmo quiz.
I’m the kind of asshole who will let my dog shit in your yard and leave it if I think no one will see me.
I’m the kind of asshole who texts while driving.
Umm …. I think that’s it. Otherwise, I’m fairly un-assholeish.
Ells´s last blog ..Face plant
There’s one problem with stabbing negative-type assholes. You have to get close to them. Which is why I prefer to hex ‘em from a distance. It’s also much more fun when people are trying to figure out just what the hell just happened when the universe bitch-slaps them upside the head.
I have a lot of post-surgery gas, so I’m pretty thankful for my asshole right now. My husband isn’t, though.
That’s what this post’s point was, right?
heather…´s last blog ..A Day For Love
fuck yes
That badge needs to come to work with me. It will compliment the “I will kill you so hard you will die to death” note I have on the wall.
Spilling Ink´s last blog ..OK Cupid, waz up?
I think that my little 12 oz. bottles of Diet Coke have negative calories. I like this idea. It’s almost as good a celery. We’re just going to go with that.
I’m the kind of asshole who seems to take out her childhood issues on her boyfriend. And the kind that really, really wants to punch her boyfriend’s best friend in the face. While going around stabbing stupid people in the leg with pickle spoons. And yet I hate confrontation, work with a charity, and would prefer that we could all just not have so much drama. So apparently, I’m -that- kind of asshole.
I love you? And I’m having one of those days where even my blog feels alone.
-patientes/amanda/crazy girl with pickle spoon.
Amanda´s last blog ..Now I’m not looking for absolution, Forgiveness for the things I do. But before you come to any conclusions -
that badge is the greatest thing I have ever seen. Stolen and posted and facebook, because that’s the kind of asshole I am.
There you go fixing the world’s problems again Jenny…..damn. I need that badge, so Imma steal it and run away and pretend that you didn’t want me to just so I could say what an asshole I am. Then I’ll live in guilt for the next 3 days until I show back up on your blog sobbing that I stole your badge, which you will then just be like ”pfft dewd. I said take it….omg” – kinda like when Spongebob and Patrick think they’ve stolen a balloon when it turns out to be Free Balloon Day. Not that I watch Spongebob. I HAVE KIDS QUIT HASSLING ME!!
Mesina´s last blog ..It’s a neighborhood thing
Does that mean I can call you an asshole? Because you’re such an asshole, but in a wonderfully sweet way. I heart you.
I’m the asshole that likes to make everybody feel awkward. Like your thing about stabbing? Considering that yesterday a young boy (over here in Oz) was stabbed to death in a schoolyard attack that may have been linked to bullying…. some people over here are totally going to want to steal that badge.
Ha! Love the badge. And you, maybe just a little
Heather´s last blog ..Quote of the Day
I am going to print this badge out…
Fishy´s last blog ..The Newspaper Update
If you sold that badge, you’d made millions!
Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..Help for baffled spouses.
i TOTALLY AM… your kinda A*hole… BUT sometimes… even THAT things doesn’t get anywhere with some really A*holeish A*holes and then i get pummeled in the mud…! that SHIT is SAD.. am tellin you…. and .. lotsa bad history…
anyways, i totally stole the badge and put it up at my place!
neers´s last blog ..thirty seconds
I should clarify that celery doesn’t have actual negative calories. It has zero calories, so it actually takes more to burn it than it puts into your body, thus having negative calories. And apparently I’m the kind of asshole who has to explain her comments to someone she once could have considered a personal friend.
I kind of hate myself right now. RE: Latest blog entry.
Amanda´s last blog ..Now I’m not looking for absolution, Forgiveness for the things I do. But before you come to any conclusions -
I’d like to think I’m an asshole too.
My mother would be proud.
mrsblogalot´s last blog ..The 9 to 5 Lesbian
I agree.
Assholes stink.
moooooog35´s last blog ..How to Clamscape Using the Disney Method
Worst kind of asshole is the clueless kind — don’t even realize they’re real assholes.
Paula´s last blog ..Miss you, Spring Chicken (Memory Lane #19)
I want that on a t-shirt! I also totally think that “stabby” or “stabbish” should be included as an adjective in the dictionary. I mean, there are some sketchy words that HAVE gotten in…. just sayin’…..
Sam´s last blog ..I Rock
So that was an OK to show up if we’re homeless? I’ve been street blogging for years but until recently I was told it was called things like “Incoherent Rambling” and “Schizophrenia” . Who’s there? Recently the local authorities presented me with the prestigious “Indecent Exposure” award. Monkeys live in my garden. I hope to attend this wonderful summit and perhaps even speak. Asparagus does not a good partner make. See you there!
Lovely post. I had to share something I just found this morning – seemed like something you would enjoy. http://www.azfamily.com/video/featured-videos/Tempe-tree-carved-into-shape-of-a-phallus-84198597.html
um…no drama? There will be women there right? Being a woman who dates women…No Drama is an impossibility…but good luck with that!
I think the badge will be a handy visual aid to help you achieve your no drama goal.
Jenn´s last blog ..Dear God It’s Me Jenn
I LOVE that badge. I kind of wish I had a job, so that I could hang it on my cube wall. But not really. So I guess that’s the kind of asshole I am!
Fraulein Furioso´s last blog ..An update on Harley Davidson love…
I need a conference t-shirt that says “I’m old but I can still talk. Come talk to me.”
Virginia´s last blog ..Twitter lists of Women in Tech
This made me smile, and realize what kind of asshole i am.
I’m glad you’re that kinda asshole, because I’m that kinda bitch.
Thanks for the laughs as always.
lol I love you. And I don’t even know you! That is indeed why I love blogging cuz you can do whatever you want and not be told you’re incompetent by an editor or client. But, it is important to please your readers, which you do, every day. Wish I could go to the Mom Summit! You’re lucky! You’re respected, and you crack me up. Did I mention I love you?
Mamma M´s last blog ..Homemade Mascara Recipe
Love this!! Maybe we can all take lessons from Bon Qui Qui…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZkdcYlOn5M
MiddleAgedWomanBlogging´s last blog ..While I’m Getting Ready For The Travel Channel To Find Me….
This is why I love you.
My husband saw the badge on my computer monitor and asked if I was reading the funny stabby blogger.
I said yes.
Condo Blues´s last blog ..I’m in the Salada Tea Green Spotlight!
Jenny, I love you, you know that, and I want a fun, nice conference more than anyone, particularly given that I’ll be completely alone there, without knowing a soul. The last thing I want to do is be an asshole.
But I gotta say, I feel like a call-to-arms for a group of women to Be Nice at all costs is kind of a step backwards, in terms of feminism. I respect you to the heavens, but I can’t cosign that message. I hope you’ll talk to me next week anyway. If you need to punch me in the nose, that’s OK, too.
abdpbt´s last blog ..QWERTY Hairband by Secco
You don’t have to be nice at all costs. If someone cuts your arm off with a cleaver then I would totally support you not hugging them. In fact, I would suggest avoiding them altogether. I just think sometimes we walk into these things with our defenses up, looking for a fight because of our own fears and it’s nice to sometimes give people the benefit of the doubt that they are human and flawed even if they occasionally piss you off. I don’t think it’s a feminism thing at all. I’ve been to male-dominated conferences and the men bloggers can be way more catty than girls. Take a look at the tech-blogger dramas that go on all the time. We just don’t usually notice it because most of us are chick bloggers and it’s off our radar but trust me, it’s there. Conflict isn’t a chick thing…it’s a human thing. But of course I’ll be there to talk to you and give you an enormous hug no matter what, my friend. Luckily I can hug you and punch you in the nose at the same time. I’m very flexible that way.
I’m feeling all kinds of stabby today, so watch the hell out.
k8´s last blog ..The Laptop Doctor
my asshole needs a hug.
wait.
what? I mean, I love hugging everyone – I’m a hugger. Even when they’re total assholes.
MommaKiss´s last blog ..I’m just trying to help.
I’ve totally stolen this badge. It’s mine now, and I’m holding it for ransom. So there.
If you get mad, you can always write your feeling on a post-it and attach them to a cat. I hear that’s the UN’s new policy for diplomatic relations.
katie´s last blog ..a little perspective
I totally stole that – you’re most definitely my kind of asshole, Jenny the Bloggess
Oh boy, can I have that badge? I enjoy a good stabbing every now and then, when it’s for good purposes. It would feel right at home on my blog!
Kendahl´s last blog ..POM Wonderful Review
heh, nice badge
You make me want to be a better person… oh now, wait!
That’s someone else…
YOU make me want to hide the knives… and the forks… what the heck! I better hide the spoons too…
Wish I was going to a cool non-judgemental, lovefest conference too… but I’m doing a friend a favor instead of going to the SITS Bloggy BootCamp… yeah, I’m that nice. When I’m not being not-nice that is.
Dawn´s last blog ..Enough is Enough… there’s no where left to put the cr.., er, fluffy white stuff!
I can’t believe you publicized the SECRET. Dammit Jenny! I’ve been doing that for years and it totally fucks up bad guys. When people treat me crappy I’m all over them being friendly and nice, totally oblivious to the fact that they’re an evil shit. Then they have to look around to see if anyone noticed who’s the bad asshole and who’s the incredibly nice, witless, but well-meaning asshole who didn’t even notice they’d been borked but went on to a happy, fulfilling life.
It’s OK, I love you. Asshole.
Sounds like such a cool conference! And if I knew how to put a badge on my blog I’d totally steal it.
Suzy Voices´s last blog ..When Lynch Met Lucas
Sometimes people are mean and I yell at them. I probably need to work on that more. I’m thinking louder and more profanity. That’s pretty much what you’re saying, I think.
MayoPie´s last blog ..My Sister Enjoys Your Children’s Pain
From now on, I think you should insist your followers all call you “Your assholiness”. I feel vindicated too because for years, my pet name for my husband has been “You asshole”, particularly when he makes me laugh when I really just want to bitch about something and make it all dramatic (like coworkers I want to go all stabby on) or when he quietly says something so funny but it really isn’t OK to laugh at because it made fun of someone nearby or it wasn’t PC, but I laugh anyway and then everyone nearby asks what I’m laughing at (they don’t ask him because he can keep a straight face) and I can’t tell them because I feel guilty about it so I try to make something up but the laughter-guilt has fried my synapses and I can’t come up with anything that I can say that is funny that isn’t what he said, so now I feel like a douche-canoe. He’s such an asshole. <3
Listen, it takes an asshole to know an asshole, and therefore I can safely say that you and most of the people commenting here are NOT sssholes. You wish you were assholes but you’re not, you’re actually kind of awesome. All of you. And me saying that makes me less of an asshole myself, but for my friends I’m willing to make that kind of sacrifice. I’ll brag about it a lot later and be a total asshole again.
Bejewell´s last blog ..A Plug for Something Else I Wrote, Cleverly Disguised as a List of Random Bullshit
I love this badge!
Stolen.
I love you.
I’m putting this badge on my blog.
I also want a tshirt AND business cards with it emblazoned on them.
Melanie´s last blog ..Author Sarah Cunningham Actually Agreed to Let Me Do a Review of Her Book!
Why it’s important for me to be an asshole: Because I can be a REALLY BIG asshole, like the biggest asshole of them all. So then it will seem like all the other people, who are maybe a little bit asshole-y, aren’t really asshole-y at all. Then you just have one asshole to deal with. ME. You’re welcome.
You were totally that kind of asshole when I met you last year at Blogher and it was much appreciated.
I love you. I will always love you. Will you be my best, best friend? (No, I’m not a stalker. Promise!) You are my favorite blogger of all time–forever! Okay, enough gushing. But you just make me so happy. And you always make me laugh. And think.
When my son was little (maybe 2 or 3), I said “asshole” while I was driving. I thought it was under my breath, but he, of course, heard it. He thought I said “asset.” So that’s the word I use now. It kinda turns it around for me.
Of course I will.
I am in the same boat at Dahlila…dog mom. Can you please talk to your friends at Mom 2.0 Summit and have them change the name of Mom of Anything 2.0 Summit? Even though it sounds like a love-fest as everyone passes around pictures of their kids, I can’t imagine NO ONE would point and stare at the woman who has the “Horse Face” child or the child that can lick clean their private parts. I am a little afraid that would cause someone to stab me even though I really am nice, more or less.
LookieLou´s last blog ..Heartwarming Smiles
Actually there are quite a lot of people who come that aren’t moms at all. In fact, there are quite a few single dudes there. The name is kind of a misnomer.
Stolen!
To where should it link? This post in particular?
You can link it to anything you want. It’s yours.
I have yet to go to a social media conference. BlogHer admittedly kind of scares me. I can’t go this year anyway. Bad timing. That said, I shall remember Mom 2.0 summit. Sounds like my kind of place.
Stacey´s last blog ..Already a bride, never a bridesmaid…until now
Cute post, I would give you a hug but I am scared what would happen to you and me!! lol
Lynn
Okay..so here is the deal. When Drama walks in, you and I are going to do a shot of gin or five because I hear that makes people all angry and stabby then we are going to drag that bitch Drama into the ladies salon, I will hold drama down while you smother it, with your boobs of course. And once we have snuffed out the drama you and I are going to cut up a bunch of xanax and go all Kate Moss on it in the bathroom! And then be all chilled right the fuck out.
A Vapid Blonde´s last blog ..Don’t Be Jealous…I’ll Share Him When He’s Done
Totally stealing this badge (if by stealing you mean linking it back here
TexasRed´s last blog ..Teaser Tuesday – The Sorceress
I’m an asshole….. but in a sweetheart kind of way.
according to texts from last night, other people would benefit from your GPS ideas.
(870): I just looked at my iPhone gps history… “the gas station”, “the park with a big scary fence”, “the trampoline”, and, my favorite, “where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible”.
Blogger conferences sounds like they benefit the people/sponsors who get paid to be there, not necessarily the people paying to go. I don’t know, I’m cynical as hell, incredibly unsuccessful, and can’t imagine anyone wanting to pay me to be anywhere. Even if I am incredibly good looking.
Mom´s last blog ..MommiesWhoDrink: If my neighbor’s dog doesn’t shut up, there will be 1 more "stray" at the pound tonight.
I’ve just purchased my ticket to BloHer, the first blogging conference I’ve ever attended. And now, after reading this, I’m really, really nervous about going.
Cindy´s last blog ..THANKFUL FRIDAYS
Being an asshole is an art and I come from a family of artist.
I want to be able to project a hologram of that badge just above my head at all times, kind of like the Sims. You know, ’cause I like to be subtle.
Tamia – TheStyleSample.com´s last blog ..Changing (style) direction
I’ll have you know that I read your post, got to the button, and laughed obnoxiously loud in the middle of my Elementary Statistics class. My teacher gave me a really weird look, but luckily she had just told a joke, so I am safe.
Just thought you should know.
Amber´s last blog ..Majora’s Mask of the Zelda series was probably named after a girls naughty bits.
I’m that kind of asshole too!! I sent an email to my family (aunts/uncles/dad) telling them they needed to stop behaving like jack asses to each other or they’d have a problem with me (can’t we all just get along?). I thought I was doing good by saying this. Alas, several thought I was just a bitch and was told to ‘go suck it’.
I hope you have a drama-free conference!
Today we are all assholes, and that is good.
I’m the kind of asshole who writes about other people on my blog, and they recognize themselves, and then they stop speaking to me. So here’s my dilemma: should I hug the people that I’ve offended? Because I think they would then attempt to stab me, wipe their fingerprints off the knife, and put the knife in my hands.
I like living on the edge of sanity.
E. Peevie´s last blog ..Praying Over Sewers, Liquor Licenses and Variances
I’m the kind of asshole who is going to print this out and display it prominently in my high school classroom. What are they going to do? Fire me? That’s not nice. *stab* End scene.
I’m right there with you. Except, your graphic looks more like, “Be nice…or I’ll stab you with this dildo.” Which may be a disincentive for some.
Melissa´s last blog ..Just Call Me Ruby
I’m stealing it too…I think i might make a bunch of copies of it, and staple them to little bags of shit that i’ll drop on the doorsteps of some bitches…
Dont worry, it’ll be dog shit, not my shit.
I have a big problem with mean people. So big i dont know how to fix it. I cant fix them, i know, but i cant figure out how to keep me from caring about it…
I’ll probly need some of your Xanax…
Levon´s last blog ..When life gives you lemons…i guess you should just eat them right? I’d rather have money though.
You know, I am soooo glad you are out there, Jenny. You are like a little piece of perfect. Sometimes, during the work day especially, things get way to stressful and my brain sort of dies of exhaustion. This happened to me yesterday and I read your blog…it was like fresh air blew through me! And instantly I was smiling and refreshed. I totally love you…no joke.
There should be more assholes like you.
Amy´s last blog ..Finding my place…
Oh honey, if you make that badge into a poster or a coaster or a bumper sticker, I will pay you money for it and I will hang it in my office.
And I may still stab them even if they are being nice.
you know… the hugging the person being mean to you only works if they’re not likely to accuse of ASSAULTING THEM. Which is what would happen to me… even if I was Amma the freaking hugging saint.
Stitch´s last blog ..Count Rugen revisited
I’m looking forward to getting me some Jenny at Mom 2.0.
The best badge ever and the hardest I have laughed all morning.
Personally, I like being a dick more than an asshole, but that’s just me.
mepsipax´s last blog ..Why I don’t take meds
There are some things I have always wanted to say to you, and now is a good time to say them because your post just proved once again the goodness you have in your heart. I’m not part of the blogging world. Well I have a fashion blog, but I hardly ever update it. But there are some blogs I enjoy reading. It’s a nice way to break up a crazy day and night of working. Your blog is my favorite. I just wanted to let you know that I think you are at the top of the “A” list of bloggers. Once on Twitter I found something you had asked for. It was a video of a tv show that your friend was on and you had missed watching it. When you responded in DM with a thank you, I said to myself that this is was a show of class. And manners. And humility. As busy as I get every day, I try very hard to find time to not ignore others who have taken their time to talk to me, do something for me, etc. I expect this of myself and admire it in others. It’s irritating to see someone on Twitter who has thousands or more followers on Twitter and they’re following maybe 100 people back. Without my customers, I would not have a successful business. Without your readers, you would not be successful in social media. You know that. It shows in how you interact with others. I really admire that about you. It shows what kind of person you are.
someone on the forbes list was totally pwned by this post.
Daphne´s last blog ..The reason I’ve not been posting is because I’ve been trying to find the antidote for Frankenstein
Not at all. If anything, this is the anti-pwnage post.
I so wish I were going. I loved meeting you at Bogher. I was a fan before meeting you, but you made me feel like a friend. You’re awesome like that.
Getting punched by an asshole seems like some kind of paradox, like the sound of one hand clapping.
anne nahm´s last blog ..Link Me Some Good Music In Comments Please
i totally want to post that in my office. i’m thinking that i’m going to have to put it someplace that only i can seel. like when someone is actively annoying, i can pull open my pencil drawer, see the badge, and smile. then whoever is ticking me off will see my happy smile, know i’m up to something and turn and leave without another word. win/win. you just saved me countless hours of aggravation. you’re awesome.
I am pretty shocked you do the conference circuit. I mean I did BlogHer. Hung out with you in the hallway after the hotel locked you out and all that…but honestly…I don’t get the point. What is the point? Can you enlighten me? What do you get out of going to these things? Are they sending male hookers to your room and I just don’t know about it?
What gives?
The Glamorous Life Association´s last blog ..Give it up will you?
I go to blogging conferences because so many of my friends go and it’s the only way I get to see all of them in one spot. I typically don’t go to most of the sessions. I just hang out in hallways and bathrooms and meet people I usually only get to connect with online. Plus, I’m paranoid and if I’m not there I assume everyone is talking badly about my hair.
I only go to conferences for the drama. I just walk around with my popcorn and watch women fight. It’s quite entertaining actually. I only jump in if there’s a swag bag involved.
I kind of resent you for trying to squash the drama. Now what am I supposed to do at those things?
Mama Kat´s last blog ..Photo Tips From A Professional
Wanted. took. will link back. Thanks. I’ve never been to a conference. I am available to sing at them though. oh wait. No one asked me.
Christine´s last blog ..Cucumber Salsa
I love that badge. If we weren’t so cheap at my office I’d totally print it out but we don’t have colored ink so it would be all blobby in black and white…although it might not be too bad that way. I shall try it and see.
I’m totally not a hugger…but I also hate drama. So I’m going to strive to be a non-hugging drama stomping asshole. Cool?
Jenny’s not kidding about hanging out in the bathroom. That’s where we met up in Chicago and talked about the weirdness of waiting for someone else to pee first. Then in San Francisco it was the hosiery department at Macy’s. Nobody peed there though.
If anyone brings drama, I will make them do pushups.
Julie @ The Mom Slant´s last blog ..It’s the right thing to do
It’s just like the old days except instead of hot wiring cars, I’m stealing content. Thug life for me, yo’.
Undomestic Diva´s last blog ..Where Candy Ass becomes a biker via a not so much mid-life crisis as it a third-of-life crisis
When people get snarky or rude with me or others and I don’t like it, I just say…
Delenn: “This is Ambassador Delenn of the Minbari. Babylon 5 is under our protection. Withdraw, .. or be destroyed.”
Stupid Starship Captain: “Negative. We have authority here. Do not force us to engage your ship.”
Delenn: “Why not? Only one human captain has ever survived battle with Minbari fleet. He is behind me. You are in front of me. If you value your lives, be somewhere else.”
They, either, shut up or look at me like I got three heads. Either way, I win.
PS Stole your badge. Maybe use it as a backup; in case, the above doesn’t work.
Hey Jenny. I am a total 100% lurker – I never comment. I am not witty – but I love the funny – so I stop by every day and I share you with my friends who appreciate your brand of funny. Anyway – just wanted you to know that the badge is KILLER and I not only printed it out and posted it outside my cube at work, I also put it as my FB photo. It’s brill dude. I think that the work people are a little bit afriad of me, so this just ups the ante. Thanks for sharing it – and thanks for putting all your stuff out there. I enjoy!
If you want me to hug people that piss me off, you should bring ecstasy. Just enough for me though. You’ve already got the Xanax.
So. Much. Awesomeness. Crammed into one post!
And I am in love with your badge. *sounds of knife being sharpened*
XOXO
A.
Anna Lefler´s last blog ..Privates of the Caribbean
I’m so your kind of asshole! Love the badge. And we need to get you to Blissdom – it’s exactly like what you describe a conference should be.
amy2boys´s last blog ..Philosophy of Blogging 201 – Representing! (Who Exactly?)
You are my favorite asshole even though I am not really into that. When I said I am anal retentive I don’t believe I meant it THAT way. And of course, if anybody likes it THAT way, I don’t judge. Live and let live. I am THIS kind of asshole.
Consider your badge stolen.
I wonder what kind of “preaching” you will be doing before BlogHer.
And please confirm that you will be there since 99% of the reason I even bought the ticket was because I missed you in Chi last year.
submom´s last blog ..Raising Boys
I clicked over here because I saw your badge on another site. IT ROCKS!!! Way to be lady!
Kristin´s last blog ..I’m back…almost….well, I have some perfectly pretty jewelry for you at least!
I notice it’s been said already but OMIGOD THAT NEEDS TO BE ON A T-SHIRT.
I would bet there is never a dull moment with you around. You friggin crack me up.
I joined Twitter and was looking at your twats but still have not completly figured it out.
My wife showed me your site and I am glad she did. You are always good for a laugh.
BTW, do you allow redneck dudes to comment here?
Chad Ferguson´s last blog ..Georgia State Record Blue Catfish
If i go will you give me xanax?
Totally.