It’s Sunday, which means it’s time for the weekly wrap-up, y’all:
This week on Ask the Bloggess:
This week on my sex column (which is satirical and relatively safe for work if your boss isn’t a douche-canoe):
This week on the internets:
- My junior prom picture was featured on Promtacular. They were much, much kinder than I deserved.
- “Why do women blog?” I’m the one in the bad copper wig.
This week on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle:
This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:
- Hey Bill…
- This is really, really, really old. But fucking timeless.
- The greatest Craigslist room rental ad in the history of ever.
This week’s wrap-up sponsored by the teams at Mamavation & EarthFootwear who would totally talk you up to that cute guy in class even if he was some kind of glittery, sexy vampire that they secretly wanted for themselves. They’re kind of bad-ass. Also, I write all of these ads myself. That’s probably pretty obvious.
Comment of the day: “It’s nice to see that Violet Beauregard is still getting work,” is one of the funniest things you’ve ever written. Then I clicked the link to read on: “You all asked for it, and you got it! Violent Beauregard and Willie Wonka fans unite! The crown jewel of our inflation fetish section of the website, this inflatable catsuit is a real treat for those who love to be inflated BIG and ROUND!” I stopped laughing. Now I’m just baffled. ~ Theresa Milstein
{ 46 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m still pissed over that gun thing. Total bullshit. There’s be a lot fewer problems in this world if we allowed 5 year old guns. No one would leave their homes. It would be perfect.
MayoPie´s last blog ..Mayo Promotes His New Film
Oh God, please delete that. Please, God. I type poorly when I’m drunk. Or awake.
MayoPie´s last blog ..Mayo Promotes His New Film
I fixed it for you. I’m the patron saint of fixing misspelled, drunken comments.
Your prom picture was amazing. Thank you.
Kirsten´s last blog ..Welcome to my Inbox
I TOTALLY know the guy who wrote the craigslist ad. He’s a pretty awesome marketing guy too.
What, no confidence wig for the Prom?
Stephanie Smirnov´s last blog ..And the Snow Glows Blue
commenting because I think being one of the first ten people would make me cool
Lilian´s last blog ..[PIMPING] icon testimonials meme.
Someone actually wrote an article on ‘why do women blog?’
Easy.
They’re running out of places to annoy men while NOT on the Internet.
Branching out, apparently, is key.
moooooog35´s last blog ..Wrapping up the Week – Feb 28, 2010
if you let me borrow your scuba suit, would you be mad if i told you i peed in it?
furiousball´s last blog ..what do you do in the car when you’re all by yourself on a long trip?
Loved the Craigslist ad. My sister wrote an awesome one when she broke her lease & tried to find someone else to live with her asshole ex-roommate. I would share with you, but A) I’m too lazy to find it and post it, and B) it’s long and you’re attention span is too short to read it all. That isn’t a criticism. Please don’t hate me.
HAHAHAHAHA I totally know the guy who posted that video link you love so much! Hi Matt!
“It’s nice to see that Violet Beauregard is still getting work,” is one of the funniest things you’ve ever written. Then I clicked the link to read on:
“You all asked for it, and you got it! Violent Beauregard and Willie Wonka fans unite! The crown jewel of our inflation fetish section of the website, this inflatable catsuit is a real treat for those who love to be inflated BIG and ROUND!”
I stopped laughing. Now I’m just baffled.
Theresa Milstein´s last blog ..Back in Time
By the way, we must both be nostalgic for high school because my last post has my high school graduation picture. Don’t judge my hair too harshly.
Theresa Milstein´s last blog ..Back in Time
I see from the Promtacular post that you have always been a shy and retiring sort.
Michelle Roger´s last blog ..World Rare Disease Day 2010
I’m still having vinyl- encased, vacuum-sealed nightmares over that sexis piece. Fortunately there was no Rod Stewart involved or I would have to break up with you.
Elly Lou´s last blog ..Latex-wearing Pony-humping Freakazoids
Hey Bill, is that a mother fucking badger on your head?
And somehow after hearing the words trouser gravy…I am hungry.
A Vapid Blonde´s last blog ..The Dish, Cotton Candy And My Hair
I am sorry…totally over commenting here but I just had a major panic attack looking at the latex bed.
A Vapid Blonde´s last blog ..The Dish, Cotton Candy And My Hair
Seriously, Jenny. Your wigs are awesome. Where do you find them? Are they expensive?
Jealous of your hair,
Beth
I scope out wig shops and get a new one every year or so. I can get a good one for under $100. I don’t get the “real hair” ones because the idea kind of creeps me out. I always assume it’s corpse hair. That probably says a lot about me.
I am not sure if this was on for this week, or if I linked to it from here, but…Is anyone else both deeply disturbed and slightly intrigued by the Japanese amputated boob grabbing machine? First, I love the fact that they are silicone stress balls (almost makes me want one) and yet I feel kind of insulted, and pissed, too, cause those silicone stress balls look much better than my boobs! Ugh, the nerve. And finally, I am grossed out by the fact that it looks like they found many women with perfect breasts, amputated them, and threw them in a pile so people could grab them with an arcade claw machine. Weird.
It is corpse hair. Thanks for fixing my comment. Still drunk, but not as drunk as before… maybe a little more. Not too bad for a Wednesday, though.
MayoPie´s last blog ..Mayo Promotes His New Film
No, oops it was on December 24th on the sexis site where Jenny blogged about the “10 non-returnable gifts that are probably worse than anything you’ll get this Christmas.” That was weird, too.
Just spent an hour on Promtacular… I think I saw my sister there! And a lot of really awful photos that look just like the ones in my albums. To think we actually thought we looked good… and there is the lesson to be learned…
with age comes style and taste, or we start hanging around with people who make us look good… either way it works.
Dawn´s last blog ..And to the Victor go the spoils…. or is it the Victor is Spoiled?
Actually, I think real wig hair is grown by Keebler elves, so there’s nothing to be afraid about that!
Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..Hand me that.
I adore The Bloggess’ prom dress (and have declared that I think magenta should always be paired with black tulle) (duh.)
There are very few folks in this world who I think deserve higher billing than Brad Pitt, and Jenny is one of them.
kristy´s last blog ..I Want A Cousin Wanda
That’s a great prom pic.
I finally figured out how to get labial dye into my weekly parenting column (see below).
Edgy Mama´s last blog ..The “mommy makeover” addresses body images I never knew I had
OK, so my brain looked for something logical in the latex site and instead it can’t get over that the pregnancy suit? It’s being modeled by a man. . . .
Great posts. Great round-up. Your stuff is scary-good to read. It makes me laugh, chuckle, and cringe all at the same time. Thanks for the refreshing look at the world.
Sarah Baron, illustrious member of Anonymous8
out last post is a funny take on the not so funny or talked-about subject of what to do if your husband can’t get it up…
http://anonymous8.com/anonymous8/ask-a8/what-to-do-if-my-husband-cant-get-it-up/
loving the cat photos.
Tim´s last blog ..Tattooooo?
Speaking of wigs and Hey Bill…did you notice he has the same 1980′s hair wings as the owl’s ear hair? “Hey Bill, Owl hair envy is so not cool…get a pink confidence wig. Cool male cats wear them, so you can too!”
LookieLou´s last blog ..A Dirty Secret & A Laugh
True Story: my boyfriend thinks I’m lame for reading blogs, even though he reads my blog, which makes him lame right? Anyway, we totally had a bonding moment over your latex reviews. Not a sexy bonding moment, but a moment where I told him if he didn’t stop making fun of me I was going to buy one of those latex burkas and make him wear it.
So thanks.
Bridget Callahan´s last blog ..The Blood Sucking Jesus Lizard God is Displeased.
Hope you had a nice weekend. Your site was one of the ones we gave props to with our post today. Enjoy!
One of The Guys´s last blog ..The Prom
So I glanced through page after page of Promtacular photos, being careful not to read the text, to see if I could recognise Jenny. Nada…although that chick in the red dress looked totally slutty.
Then I went through them again, reading the descriptions this time.
I should have known.
mr farty´s last blog ..How Embarrassing Is That?
I had to watch that Welcome To My Home video twice, because it was awesome. “Oh I made myself pregnant!” hahahaha. It makes me laugh just typing it!
Randa´s last blog ..Amazon Makes It Too Easy
Jenny, don’t let the douchecanoes & cockknuckles @ Carnal Nation get you down. I’m a perv, but I don’t have a stick up my ass (not that there’s anything wrong with that) & I thought your SexIs piece was friggin hilarious!
Mayopie should stop drinking. It’s not even Wednesday.
muskrat´s last blog ..happy 60-something
Jenny–I freaking love your site. I thought you might like this one: http://www.formspring.me/brunhilda. No, it’s not porn or spam. (Sorry if that’s disappointing).
And wow, that latex site you posted is over the top horrifically troubling. Favorited!
I love the add for the room…now dat is advertising! HA HA!
Jenn´s last blog ..Dancing with the Stars Is Back!
On a completely different note, complete rip-off of cat-on-head over at http://www.cuteoverload.com. I OBJECT, the Bloggess did it first and with so much more panache. also.
Real hair wigs are made from Morgan Freeman’s hair. Or the kitten on his head’s hair. I’m not sure which, but it’s creepier than corpse hair, IMHO.
Also, you will probably get a laugh out of this, I have sent the term “douche Titanic” out into the internets. (For those people who are such huge douche canoes that you just can’t wait for them to sink in an epic sea of fail. No, I don’t know anyone like that, whatever gives you THAT idea??
)
Was that a one time thing, or does your cat always get on your head when you blow dry your hair?
Rebekah´s last blog ..Let’s Talk About the Vomit
Jenny, is this you?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ExZ0i04pSeY&feature=player_embedded
Wait – Jenny! YOU HAVE TO GO TO CUTEOVERLOAD.com and see the gal with the cat on her head! She’s totally stealing your thunder! It’s like she’s MOCKING YOU! Go – NOW – see!!!!!!! (*waits in the wings*)
http://cuteoverload.com/ (about 1/2 way down the page)
My favorite thing about your prom dress is that you were already capable of designing your own mad-genius-on-painkillers items of glory and black tulle.
AT SEVENTEEN. (And also? fucking prescient, because you pre– uh, something’d Kelly Osborne’s obsession with black and fuschia by, what, ten years? Okay, I’ve suddenly thought of the world’s greatest story problem [I'm a little obsessed with story problems currently; no worries. I'll forget to be obsessed with them in like twenty minutes] – if you were inventing that dress when you were 17, and Kelly Osborne was fixated on punk-rock color themes during the height of the fame of her dad’s show on MTV, how many years difference separated your initial desire to wear a cat on your head from the time that people invented awkwardboners.com?
I AM IN LOVE WITH MY BRAIN RIGHT NOW. THAT IS EASILY THE BEST STORY PROBLEM EVER.)
You’re like Gwen Stefani, but pretty and with far better wigs.
p.s. Stop lending me your prescriptions. I should not be combining drugs at this stage, JENNY.
Barn Owl Bill isn’t even holding a barn owl. I’m strangely offended by that. And possibly disturbed that I know it.