This weekend my friend Kelly told me that I was on MommyBlips list of Top 10 Mommy Blogs which is weird because first of all this isn’t a mommy blog and secondly because youhavegottobefuckingkiddingme…
“Sperm”.
It’s both impressive and embarrassing. More embarrassing though. Also, if you go look at the list today I’m still in the top ten but now my top tag is “Barack Obama” which is bizarre because I haven’t posted about him in forever, except for today when I’m posting about how I don’t really post about Barack Obama. So, touché, MommyBlips. Either you are very confused or clairvoyant.
PS. I actually do have a real mommy blog which is giving away a Wii/Wii Fit today and has nothing very little to do with sperm and very little a lot to do with hookers.
Comment of the day: The sperm thing is funny and all, but did you actually take a photograph of your monitor? Wouldn’t a lithograph have been faster? Or maybe wood burnishing? Cave drawing? ~ Clayjack
{ 103 comments… read them below or add one }
Freaking hilarious. Maybe tomorrow you should write about orgies.
You’re about to disappoint a lot of Googlers.
(Unless they also lust after humor, that is.)
Hello, Jenny the Bloggess.
Whoa. The accolades just keep rolling in! Off now to try and win the Wii thingie.
jamie’s last blog post..Tag! Wanna win it?
Wow. They clearly don’t read The Bloggess at all.
Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Pushing Daisies S2ep7
Congrats on your…um…sperminess. I think.
Jim’s last blog post..Sunday Randomness
Well, in order to BE a mom, if I’m not mistaken, sperm DID have something to do with it, so I think you qualify.
Unless you were impregnated by aliens, but Hailey is much too cute for that, so I’m going with “A”.
Now, had it said Barack Obama Sperm, I would’ve been concerned.
Robin ~ PENSIEVE’s last blog post..My Most Embarrassing Moment EVER! A PENSIEVE guest post
Well, I’m a mom and I think whether or not I relate to you as a mom doesn’t matter, you provide entertainment to break up the monotony. So, thanks.
Well at least you didn’t get the top spot spouting off nonsensicals about some has-been brother.
{insert rolleyes smiley here}
groovehouse’s last blog post..Final Rides: November 2008
That top tag list is like some sort of sleep deprived MadLib.
And congratulations on the niche you’ve carved among mom blogs.
Finally could someone please pronounce niche for me. Thank you.
Kiki’s last blog post..I Am Woman Watch Me Spin
I’d blog about sperm if it got me noticed. Barack’s sperm, GWB’s sperm, even my very handsome UPS guys sperm. But that las tone would be all in my very faithfully married imagination, so nothing incriminating, you hear me?
clickmom’s last blog post..colossal
Bahahaha! That is hilarious. I feel like it’s all I post on your blog- that’s hilarious but that shit is plain funny. And congrats.
OK, but better yet. Did you TAKE A PICTURE OF YOUR SCREEN? Rather than a screen capture?
Aimee Greeblemonkey’s last blog post..I bet you think it’s Greeblemix Day, don’t you?
I did take a picture of my screen because I was out of town and couldn’t figure out how to do a screen shot on my inlaw’s computer. I realize it looks completely ridiculous.
Wow. It’s actually kind of Zen.
In a way, everything comes back to sperm. Ask any guy. It’s all about the sperm.
kristin/kwr221′s last blog post..Random Pics: Northampton, MA
I’m awaiting an Obama / sperm round-up post.
devolute’s last blog post..Google SearchWiki makes me nervous
In my world, I’d call that a “good weekend.”
But that’s just me. (Maybe.)
Lori’s last blog post..Lukewarm Review
Glad you’re brining the raunchy to the Mommy Blogs. It’s damn hilarious and ridiculously entertaining.
Yes, the title could be misinterpreted, but in the BEST way.
Tim Thraeryn’s last blog post..A Question for AT&T Wireless:
You’re right! Obviously there needs to be more hookers on THIS blog. That’ll show them.
Keely’s last blog post..Is there such thing as a graphicnovelworm?
Well, you couldn’t have a mommy blog without that tag. It’s just simple biology.
But it still feels like gross oversimplification.
Remy’s last blog post..It’s Christmas. Bring out the big bottles – and I mean that literally
The fact that I clicked over due to the title has me rethinking my motivations..
Sprite’s Keeper’s last blog post..The Bananas Are Sleeping
(insert copious amounts of sperm-colored, penis-sounding-named Japanese game console jokes here)
Spamboy’s last blog post..The Friendly Skies
Well, obviously Mommy Blips is run by squirrels.
Ri’s last blog post..Good Ol’ Virginia Boys (and Ella) Shuffle
All hail the Sperm Queen….
Jenn’s last blog post..Happy late Thanks-giving!
I love it. Every mommy blogger loves sperm, right?
Giyen’s last blog post..Food Porn
sperm should totally get you #1…just saying.
ali’s last blog post..cold coffee.
Wow that’s weird because I’m actually covered in sperm…
gingela5′s last blog post..Let’s See, Work or Catch Up On Blogging…
Ok, I just puked a little writing that…and I’m also at work so I hope IT isn’t looking in.
gingela5′s last blog post..Let’s See, Work or Catch Up On Blogging…
I was trying to think of a clever pun to write about sperm just so I could write “HA-Cha-cha-cha!!” at the end, but I’m not that cocksure. (zing!)
Also, I like your “W”.<— not code
Kurt’s last blog post..Technical Difficulties.
That is not the picture that the title led me to believe I would find. Le sigh.
Holmes’s last blog post..365 # 112: Wayne the Goalie
So do people sit out there and puzzle what sperm, the future POTUS and cats wrapped in foil have in common? Or do they just fear for your child?
annie’s last blog post..Monday Memeing
I LOVE that you took a picture of your screen! That’s the kind of blogging special effects you can’t find just anywhere.
Next post? Just write it all out on a piece of paper and take a snapshot of that. Everyone knows a hand-written letter is much more personal than something typed anyway.
Lesley’s last blog post..I’m The Tiger Woods of Bloggers! Unless It’s Like Copyright Infringement Or Libel Or Something, In Which Case I’m Totally Not
i’m so glad you were born. seriously….
OK, well…that was random.
WTF?! Sperm was the tag?
Anyway, I see why you are in the top 10 because you are freakin’ hilarious, but the ‘cum’ tag confuses me…
Akilah Sakai’s last blog post..I Got Tagged!
Baaaaahaaaaa! How perfect!
Of course, MOMocrats isn’t a mommy blog, but we’re on there too. At least we got a respectable tag. (-;
Lawyer Mama’s last blog post..Say, “Click!” Take a pic!
Well good for you. If it wasn’t for sperm, there wouldn’t be mommy blogs at all.
Sperm TOTALLY has to do with mommy blogging! I mean without it there would be no babies and therefore no mommies. So I conclude that this is in fact a mommy blog and you definitely deserve to be on the MommyBips list!
Sounds logical to me.
Summer’s last blog post..The Blackest Friday
This is always my go to blog when I have a sperm question.
Christy’s last blog post..Great way to recycle those Christmas cards this year!
How confounded and generally irritated (and I have to be careful here) the “serious” mommy bloggers must feel when they see you all coming to their little blog ranking list, cracking the top-ten, all drunk and knocking shit over and yelling “SPERM” and passing out in the yard. Awesome.
You own the ‘net for Sperm and Hookers. Oh yeah, “God Strangles Cats”
I love it..
Jim Gaudet’s last blog post..What is uSocial.net? Spammers?
The sperm thing is funny and all, but did you actually take a photograph of your monitor? Wouldn’t a lithograph have been faster? Or maybe wood burnishing? Cave drawing?
Clayjack’s last blog post..That Thing They Say About Foot Size?
Oh yeah, Barack Obama Strangles Cat for Sperm
Maybe because sperm is so very important in mutating the woman into a mommy that then creates the blog that isn’t really even a mommy blog in the first place???
Carolyn Online’s last blog post..We’re back and now it’s December. I’m glad there aren’t any more holidays any time soon. Oh, wait…
Well, I’m glad someone has got sperm covered. I was worried for a second…
C’mon, poeple. give her a break. She took a photo of the screen instead of a cap to prove that it’s not photoshopped, because it is much harder to photoshop a photo of the screen at an odd angle than a screencap…
Okay, I tried to cover for her but it isn’t working, is it?
Then I guess there’s no point in me writing about sperm. Unless maybe I write about Obama’s sperm.
patois’s last blog post..I Just Had to Laugh
If Sperm is less interesting than BPA, then yes, I’d say there’s something very confused about MommyBlips.
Mom101′s last blog post..Self-improvement classes held in the l&d ward daily. Results nearly guaranteed.
New subscriber. But I can tell I’m gonna like it here. lmao
Diane’s last blog post..To Make A Short Story Long – Good Book Find!
I got an email from Mommy Blips telling me I’d made their listing. I won’t even mention how far down on the list. Perhaps if I write about sperm my ranking will go up?
I wonder what the weirdest word or phrase you could come up with that would show up as your top tag. It’d have to be something that was common enough that people would search for it but weird enough to stand out. Of course then you’d need to insert that word or phrase into your blog frequently enough to bump up your google mojo. It’d be tough to beat the one you’ve already got, though.
Steve’s last blog post..Breaking News: Log Not Found on Mars
I started to say that it could be worse but then I couldn’t think of anything that could be worse so I decided to keep my trap shut. Then I changed my mind again…. I thought I’d remind you about my 12 Days of Christmas Give Aways
Mom~E~Centric (www.momecentric.com)
Mom is Teaching (www.momisteaching.com)
Education Uncensored (www.educationuncensored.com)
that truly is jizzerific
furiousball’s last blog post..a visit from Neen and Kiki
Just want to point out number 49 on the list of Top Mommy Blogs:
Backpacking Dad.
I can’t even pretend anymore, can I?
Backpacking Dad’s last blog post..Parts of this poem are good
I think you have more sperm than I do.
Wait, that came out wrong.
ben’s last blog post..Are you SURE I’m a polar bear?
So basically it boils down to … you are a squirrel. . . Spermophile.
Looks like they got it all covered, from the beginning to the end. I do think it interesting, however, that the entries right abouve you had “Motrin”, “Barack Obama”, and “Nicole Kidman” – sounds like the subject of a very interesting post.
~EdT.
Ed T.’s last blog post..Coming out on Macro Monday
When I scrolled down and saw the sperm, I laughed so hard I spit out my coffee. xo!
Dammit. Mine is still boring.
I am hanging out for unicorn or ‘censored’ or something…
You should change your tag line to ‘The Bloggess, lets talk about sperm’
Kelley’s last blog post..She stands naked before me in the lounge room.
No dead cat tags? No corpse honey? Amazing.
Rhea’s last blog post..Bravery
At least its all relevant!
Atif Sultan Ali Khan’s last blog post..Office Online
I keep getting tom cruise ads on my blog
Atif Sultan Ali Khan’s last blog post..Office Online
There’s been a recent surge on my blog for the tag “Rene Magritte”. Like, from almost none to one every minute or so. I wonder if Google’s changed their algorithm. I guess I shouldn’t complain. “Rene Magritte” certainly beats “sperm”.
Steve’s last blog post..Breaking News: Log Not Found on Mars
I’m pretty sure I started my blog so I could talk about sperm.
WM’s last blog post..Lawd help me I’m thinking about doing it again ***Updated
My lysdexia kicked in and I thought you said, “I got covered in sperm, ya’ll.”
So.
Swampy’s last blog post..Fun with Dick and Jane…and Their Neighbors
you never fail to make me choke on whatever I’m shoving in my mouth when I read you!
Sissy’s last blog post..And This Year’s Winner Is…
Sissy –
I hear if you relax your jaw and breathe through your nose the gag reflex goes away.
i’m desperately trying to think of a witty comment. alas, i have none. you’re still better than me, jenny. probably forever.
MommyNamedApril’s last blog post..It’s the Little Things.
You spermophile, you.
Kyla’s last blog post..In retrospect…
Hookers strangling cats, squirrels with dead hobo fingers, where will it all end?
Mr Farty’s last blog post..Christmas Competition Entries
LMAO Top tag: SPERM
I can see I should get over here more often!
AngieSS’s last blog post..Chelle B. – The Other White Meat
I am so glad to hear that y’all found that part of the WiiFit insulting too. It told my amazingly fit sister in law that she should be about 10 lbs lighter and told my husband who is 6’3″ & 175 lbs that he is right smack in the middle of normal. He’s a beanpole.
However, I am also annoyed that you are having a giveaway now, since our Wii and Wii Fit arrived today. Somebody’s timing is off. That stupid Wii Fit had better not suggest it’s mine.
Sallyacious’s last blog post..World AIDS Day
Also? I am all over the idea of Grand Theft Hooker.
Um.
I think you know what I mean.
At least, I hope you do, because I’m not sure I can explain it.
Sallyacious’s last blog post..World AIDS Day
ah, but you don’t ‘have sperm covered’… i have yet to see you post about the semen cook book. don’t believe such a thing exists?? oh, it does. even going so far as to cite the fact that ‘semen is generally abundant and found readily in most households’.
how do i know this?
my husband sent me a link.
churchpunkmom’s last blog post..It’s a Major Award!!!
I’m thinking this is a mistake and that you were supposed to be included in the top Monty Blog Rankings. After all…[cue music]…”Every sperm is sacred. Every sperm is great. If a sperm is wasted, God gets quite irate…”
I so wouldn’t care how I got on such a list, as long as I got there!
I’m such a hooker that way!
I think it is completely awesome that you are in the top 10 AND that your top tag was sperm.
Mine is actually See Kai Run, but I was sure it was going to be dildos… but maybe it was dildos and they decided that was too offensive.
Damn, I should have used sperm more…
Petra’s last blog post..Meme-y Monday
may i just ask, as one of the writers of one of those blogs (but not this one, at least not probably, though my alcoholic beverage is whispering to me that it *could* be this one, who knows?, and also, i should go and try to get anthropologie to do a special free shopping-spree for me on my birthday tomorrow, so i’d say it *is* the booze talking – did you even know booze could talk? me neither. wait, no. i did know that. i’ve known it for years. as it happens, tho, i’ve also steadily declined in my ability to remember things bc of the all of the B vitamins sapped from my body thanks to booze. so who’s the booze hound, now? um, Jenny? why did you make me write all of this?
?
should I also include a closing parenthesis? is one required? did i forget to capitalize anything here? is my eighth-grade english teacher keeping me after class for this post?
)
?
hic
that i don’t see why we can’t be mommy bloggers and also raunchy, randy, semi(or totally) alcoholic, individuals-as-a-group kinda people?
am i being redundant? because it’s the booze. also, i’m a mommy blogger. i blame that, too.
if i were to get pulled over by the internerd police right now, would they take my license to drive on the information superhighway away? hey. there’s a “high” in the middle of that word. ha!
hic
lildb’s last blog post..making people remember why they avoid this blog like a suspicious stain.
Confession #1: I found your blog when I googled Sperm.
Confession #2: I don’t know why I was googling Sperm. (maybe the wine?)
Confession#3: I still haven’t figured out what your site has to do with sperm but I check back everyday expecting a post about sperm and why I was googling it.
Wow -sperm – top 10 – nice. Congrats!
So – I was not sure if I should give you a pitch or not but since I spent 10 minutes enjoying your blog and wee that you have a 3 year old who must be as funny as Mom – what the heck.
I started a new blog called Logical Kid and I am looking for funny stories from kids and their own logical view of the world. You must have dozens…how about sending one my way?
Thanks! And thanks for the great “non mommy blog” – I’ll be back!
Dad S
Dad S’s last blog post..Six Year Old Knows
Oh my gosh that is hilarious!
Steph
Adventures In Babywearing’s last blog post..Hold Me Closer Tiny Sweater
Does this mean you aren’t giving away the sperm here?
Lotta’s last blog post..You Are A Winner!
What I am wondering is how someone can blog about Nicole Kidman that much? She isn’t even all that interesting except for that… well no. She isn’t interesting at all.
And Motrin?
Maybe if it was blog posts about Nicole Kidman going for a swim in a pool full of children’s motrin. Or Nicole Kidman forcing Tom Cruise to eat Motrin.
I’m done.
Georgette’s last blog post..Is this when I die and come back as a rich woman? Like Oprah?
That is awesome. Mine would say “Hitler” beside it today. At least sperm didn’t murder millions of people, right?
With all your talk about sperm, you’d think you’d have more kids running around somewheres.
Some people just get all the good publicity. Just read the posts from the Mommy bloggers #1 -9 this week; they’ll all be about sperm!
Toasting you and your success as the best mommy blogger porno site! That’s one niche market that I know you secretly always wanted to fill.
mark’s last blog post..It’s Finally HERE!!!
Are you proud to be so associated with sperm? I mean do you get cards made saying that or something?
Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..The Bigger The Better The Tighter the Sweater
Wasn’t it really about squirrels and sperm? Or squirrel sperm? Or did I miss something somewhere?
I never know.
kristin/kwr221′s last blog post..Java-lujah
As an avowed sperm lover, I am pea green with envy.
shonda’s last blog post..Shameless Self-Promotion Contest….
And I’m pretty sure that you’re going to get some traffic now from some lonely, lonely boys.
A Free Man’s last blog post..Deadlines suck…
i’m glad to know sperm is in such capable hands.
also? BS Sunday nomination: http://daybydaywithsuz.blogspot.com/2008/11/my-pre-thanksgiving-eventpart-1.html
totally inappropriate for BS Sunday, but totally Bloggess: http://www.twentyfouratheart.com/twenty_four_at_heart/
Babushka…er…Biddy…’s last blog post..y’all just get used to it
I apparently have some mild blog dyslexia because I nearly choked to death when I read “I’m covered in sperm”…which was a bit of a letdown, actually. I was hoping there’d be video.
Whatever.
Anissa@Hope4Peyton’s last blog post..What else would it smell like?
‘spose it could be worse.
Maybe. Puss? As in oozing, not, umm the place sperm goes…comes. Oh my god, shutting up now.
amanda’s last blog post..Remember CSI Barbie?
Is there no limit to your hilariousness? (So not a word, I know.) Your never cease to crack the shit out of me. And I’m a tough egg to crack.
Scary Mommy’s last blog post..Daddy’s Girl
and that your is supposed to be you. Obviously.
Scary Mommy’s last blog post..Daddy’s Girl
You’re a great way to start the day. Nothing like guffawing into an empty office!
Jason Adams’s last blog post..10 Reasons to Use Git for Research
I’d like to say I found you because of “sperm”, but in reality…it was “burrito”. I’m not sure which I enjoy more.
Cat’s last blog post..Blog Roll
Holy freakin’ funny.
Man. I want some free shit that I can break and talk about in a chatoom where I say things that people won’t understand.
You may be my new idol.
Kris’s last blog post..Bite This
Dude, I seriously want to marry you. Your posts = GOLD.
Mona N.’s last blog post..Surprise! A DIY Sushi Concoction That Isn’t Gross
It was fun having you follow me on Twitter for all of 5 seconds. It hadn’t occured to me until this morning that since 99 percent of my Twits are direct replies I’m probably less interesting than I think.
I don’t think I can be the new you. You’ve got 100 comments here. I don’t recall a single blog post I’ve ever written that got 100 comments. Anyway, the pressure is too much.
Memphis Steve’s last blog post..Random News and Political Bullshit
ewwwwww
You now have the mommy blog cooties…….
peace
#2
I think a ‘Sperm Theme Park’ is right up your alley. Or whatever you call that thing.
Seriously, you could make a lot of money, or something.
I shouldn’t ever go into archived material. It’s just too dangerous.