Category Archives: functions I shouldn’t be allowed to attend

If it’s Saturday this must be Florida.

Hello, Florida!  Today I’m at Books &Books in Coral Gables, Florida at 7pm.  Come see me?  Pretty please?  Space is limited for the event so you may want to buy a book from the store to have a guaranteed spot for the reading, but I’ll stay later and sign anything you want for free even if you don’t have a book at all.

This is my last stop on the first leg of the tour and I love you all for your support! It’s been exhausting and wonderful and terrifying and brilliant all at once. But it’s the final stop for a week, which is good because I miss my couch and everyone who snuggles with me on it.  So let’s make this awesome, Miami, because I am leaving it all on the stage.  And by “it” I mean my dirty laundry, probably some empty bottles and what’s left of my dignity.


See here for the rest of the tour.  Pretend I said something witty here, okay?


If it’s Wednesday this must be Nashville.

Hello, Nashville!  I’m here to see you.  Are you here to see me?  Please?  A reading, Q&A and signing will be hosted by Parnassus Books offsite at Salon@615 at 6:15pm.  Click here for details on location and reserving a seat.

A giant thanks to all the people who’ve come out so far, especially since so many of you stuggle with the same anxiety issues I deal with.  You give me the inspiration to keep going even when I’m terrified and it’s been so incredibly worth it.  Thank you.

Photo by Maile Wilson

Photo by Maile Wilson

Next stop?  Miami.  See all the tour details here.


Can’t make it to any of the stops?  You can follow along here.

If it’s Tuesday this must be Atlanta.

Hello, Atlanta!  I’m here to see you tonight so will you come see me?  Pretty please?  A reading, a Q&A and a signing.  Plus cake!  If somebody brings cake.  (Disclaimer: There probably won’t be cake.)

It’s hosted by A Cappella Books at an offsite venue so that there will be more room.  Click here for directions and details.

Photo by Maile Wilson

Photo by Maile Wilson

PS.  Today is Victor’s birthday and it’s the first birthday I’ve been away from him in 20 years. Happy birthday, sweet Victor. I love you so much. Thank you for not putting me in the chipper-shredder yet. You know…The usual.

PPS.  Next stop?  Nashville and Miami.  I think.  I’m bad with geography.



What goes on tour stays on tour. Unless you have a blog in which case it’s all over the internet.

First week of the FURIOUSLY HAPPY Book Tour and it’s been so amazing.  Thank you!  I’m always shocked to see so many faces there, especially since so many of us deal with anxiety levels that keep us from attending the things we want.  And I totally get that.  If you came or plan to come to the tour I am incredibly thrilled and proud, but know that it’s okay if you can’t make yourself.  If you come you will not be alone and you will be surrounded by other people who understand completely.  Even if you just drive to the parking lot and make it no further you should be incredibly proud of yourself.  And if you know that you can’t do it and are practicing self-care by staying home know that that is a brave act in itself.  I’m so proud of every single person in this community and I want you to know that.

This week I met a woman who had only made it to the parking lot at my last book tour and then could go no further and cried in her car feeling like a failure for not having the courage to come in.  This time she made it inside and met lovely friends in line and made me so happy with her story.

I met a beautiful girl who missed my last book tour because her agoraphobia had her confined to her home for months.  She showed up in Houston and is now getting ready to start her new job…as a flight attendant traveling the world.

I met a lovely man who gave me jewelry his wife made out of broken things she finds who couldn’t make herself come to the signing line but watched from a distance as she saw me appreciate the beauty that comes from the broken pieces so many ignore.

I met a woman who told me that her beautiful transgender daughter struggles with depression but that this book is helping to convince her that although her life right now is now easy, every day she’s alive is a chance to find happiness.

I met a man who brought the book I’d signed for him years ago when he was battling leukemia in the hospital.  I’d written “KICK CANCERS ASS” in it.  Three years later I was able to finally hug him in person and write “YOU KICKED CANCERS ASS” in my new book.

I’ve met Whovians and psychiatrists and teenagers and people in red ball gown carrying taxidermied possums or giant metal chickens or fee tie pajamas.  I’ve met people who hand me a book to sign and say only, “I don’t have words” and I understand and appreciate what it means that they are there.  And it’s been amazing.  Today I’m hiding in my hotel room because that’s how I practice self-care.  And that’s okay.  And however you practice self-care is okay too.

Just, thank you.  Thank you for being here.  Thank you for the feedback online or in person.  Thank you for keeping me going.  Thank you for finding friends in book-signing lines or online or (the hardest one for me) thank you for finding a friend in yourself.  I’m still working on that one too.  We can work on it together.

A few shots from the road so far…

Screen Shot 2015-09-27 at 4.07.19 PM Screen Shot 2015-09-27 at 4.02.49 PM Screen Shot 2015-09-27 at 4.02.25 PM Screen Shot 2015-09-27 at 3.56.24 PM


Next stop?  Atlanta, Nashville and Miami.  I hope you can come, but no matter what you’re here with us in spirit.  Click here for the whole tour list.


If it’s Saturday this must be Dallas.

furiouslyhappy quote

Hello, Dallas! What are you doing? Are you coming to see me and to buy great books and meet wonderfully odd misfits? Because you should. I’ll be at the Dallas Half Price Books at 3 this afternoon. Please come?

PS.  Next week: Atlanta, Nashville and Miami.  Details here.


I got an email from editor saying “HAPPY PUB DAY!” and I was like, there’s a special day just for going to pubs?  My God, we released my book on exactly the right day, but then I realized “pub” was short for “published” and OMG ::KERMIT FLAIL:: Y’ALL, MY BOOK IS OUT TODAY.  Did you get it?  Did you read it?  Are you now running away because you realize I’m even crazier than I may have let on?

I stayed up late watching lovely people who were counting down the minutes until midnight when my book would show up on their reader and it seems surreal that after years of working on this it’s finally in your hands.  Thank you for making me write this.  Thank you for supporting me and passing on my work to others and for sharing and for helping me when I find myself stuck.  Thank you.

And tonight?  We party as if we all had ponies.  Tonight is our launch and instead of doing tv shows and fancy parties I’m staying home and broadcasting live from my house as I do a reading and a Q&A for you guys and I’m nervous as hell but also very excited because over 1000 of you have already RSVPed and that’s about 998 more people I’ve ever had at my house in real life.  To watch it just click here at 7pm central tonight.  You don’t have to have a camera or an account…just computer that can pick up a video feed.  With luck it’ll go well and not crash, but if it crashes just follow me on twitter and we’ll regroup.  You can chat in the hangout, I think, but it’ll probably be easier if you do it on twitter using the hashtag #FH so everyone can follow along.  Or just lurk.  Or come late and watch the recorded video and pretend it’s live.  Or skip it and go spelunking.  Whatever makes you (furiously) happy.

PS.  I just checked and my book is #3 on Amazon in biographies right now.  Yeehaw!  Number one is Mindy Kaling who is too adorable for me to stab so I can take her place, but number two is “Bill O’Reilly Killing Reagan“.  WTF?  I already didn’t like O’Reilly and now he’s killing Reagan and beating me in rankings?  This is why we can’t have nice things.

PPS.  Last night we did a test to see if I could make google hangouts work and I super fucked it up at first but then we got our shit together and giant thank yous go out to the hundreds of people who showed up to tell me what I was doing wrong and also to see my beaver.  If you want to see what you missed it’s recorded right here and if you click on “cc” for subtitles it becomes even more ridiculous.

See you at 7?  Yes?  Right here.



No Pants Party. You’re invited.

So.  My book comes out next week and I’m 50% excited and 70% terrified and 100% not sure how math works.  Normally when a book comes out you have a big launch party in a big city and big people come and then I have a big panic attack and everyone wanders around making a big deal about the fact that the author won’t come out from under the table (truth) and that’s why this time my editor agreed to let me have my FURIOUSLY HAPPY launch party right here in my house with the best people ever.  My cats.  And you.  The very people who helped me write this book and who often have the exact same fears about leaving their house.  EVERYONE WINS.  So, you are officially invited to my house (via the internet) on launch day for a reading and fun and ridiculousness.  It’ll be this Tuesday, September 22nd at 7p central.  It’ll probably last an hour, or until we get bored or too drunk to internet.  Or if you hate looking at me you can join in on twitter using the hashtag #FH (short for “Furiously Happy”).


But I need a name for this.  I was calling it “The Agoraphobia Party” but I thought people might misunderstand, and then I thought maybe “Introverts United” but that sort of already exists on a t-shirt I own (INTROVERTS UNITE!  But separately.  And at your own houses) and that seems like cheating.  Then I thought maybe “The No Pants Party” because the great thing about staying home while attending a party is that no one knows you don’t have pants on, but then I remembered that in the UK “pants” means “panties” and 1) I don’t want to have a “no panties party” because ew.  And 2) I hate the word panties so much that I want it destroyed.  I want to destroy panties.  Jesus.  That came out wrong.  How did I get here?  

Then I thought maybe “The Blanket Fort Coalition” because most of us with anxiety issues can’t wait until the party ends so that we can go home and hide in our blanket forts with our cats and books and phones and this would be nice because I’m basically inviting you into my blanket fort.  (Not a euphemism).  Except it’s a blanket fort with twitter and video and booze and I’ll probably end up saying something ridiculous that will live on the internet forever.  But it’s probably not going to be any worse than “I want to destroy panties” (hopefully) so it’s (possibly) all uphill from here.

I still don’t think I’ve come up with the perfect name though so I’m asking you.  Double Unicorn Success Unconference?  Sloth Lovers Anonymous?  The Assembly for the Advancement of Not Assembling Anyplace We Have To Make Smalltalk?  The Worst Orgy Ever?  The Apple Dumplin Gang?  Conscious Uncoupling?  Obviously I need help.

And the second thing is…would you come?  Is that a weird party to have?  Would you go online and watch a party that consists of me doing a book reading in front of my cats while my friend Marlena pours booze slushies and pulls together questions from twitter for the Q&A?  Would it make you more likely to come if I say that we’ll do a drinking game where every time Trump says something stupid we do a shot until one of us dies of alcohol poisoning?  And I’ll have special guests (who might all be taxidermied, if I’m being honest) come join me?  And maybe someone famous will show up and then you can tell everyone that last night you went to a book launch and John Stamos showed up and then your coworkers will be like, “UNCLE JESSE?” and you’ll just shrug like, “Yeah, I guess.  No biggie”?  And I’ll give away books and tiny raccoons and maybe some taxidermy and I’ll show you how to french braid a dog and then we’ll all share funny videos of people that we hate falling, or hamsters eating tiny burritos, or hedgehogs being hedgehogs?  I can’t tell if I’m making this more or less inviting.  This is exactly why I never have parties.  And why you should agree to come to this one.

PS. If you are an extrovert and hate being alone you can get together with your book club that night and all watch me doing my reading and it’s like you just brought an author with you to your book club.  YOU WIN BOOK CLUB!  I assume.  I don’t know the rules of book club.  Other than (I assume) no one talks about book club.  I might be mixing that up with something else.

OH!  WHAT IF WE CALL THE PARTY “FIGHT CLUB”?  I always wanted to be in Fight Club.  But that name’s taken.  Never mind.  Still thinking.

PPS.  John Stamos will not be at the party.  Unless, I guess, he really wants to come.  I mean, he’s not not invited.  You know what?  I take it back.  John Stamos might be at the party after all.  That man is totally unpredictable.

PPPS.  Look what I got today!

furiouslyhappy audio cds

My audiobook!  If you come up with the winning name for this party I’ll send you a signed one.  Or a book.  Or someone else’s book if you hate me.  Whatever.  Not judging.



I WON 5 HUGO AWARDS. And we all lost.

Do you know what the Hugo Awards are?  They’re the annual award for best sci-fi and fantasy writing and this year they were full of controversy because they were sort of hijacked.  The people voting had the opportunity to vote for “no award” in each category and I suspected that might be the case since it was one of the only ways to show their displeasure at the hijacking, and so last night as the awards began I tweeted this:


And by my logic that means that I won a shit-ton of Hugo Awards last night.  And so did you if you are a nobody in the sci-fi world!  WE WON!  And we also lost.  Because I use those award lists to find new things to read and they’re also helpful to get publishing houses to invest money into buying sci-fi books and finding new authors and then we all win when we have new stuff to read.

So instead of gloating about my well-deserved *cough*  awards I’m going to instead accept them in the names of a few sci-fi/fantasy authors I’ve enjoyed recently and if they’re new to you then you can check them out.  And then you do the same for me and tell me the sci-fi/fantasy authors I need to check out.  And then we all win again!

Here are a few of my favorites off the top of a my head:

John Scalzi, Pat Rothfuss, Octavia Butler, Neil Gaiman, Jeremy Whitley’s Princeless collection, Sydney Padua (Seriously, go read The Thrilling Adventures of Lovelace and Babbage RIGHT THIS SECOND.  Then give it to your young daughter because she’ll love it too.)

Your turn.  Who should I be reading?  Bonus points if I’ve never heard of them before.


And now, the weekly wrap-up…

shit I did by Eric Orchard


Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

  • As requested, #WheresRory shirts to confuse everyone around you.


This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by Burnt Toast Makes You Sing Good, the third book by award-winning New York Times best-selling author Kathleen Flinn. It’s a fabulous memoir about Kathleen’s sweet, but quirky family having sweet, but quirky adventures. They’re like The Waltons but in Michigan, and were poor, grew vegetables and they all read encyclopedias for fun. As an added bonus, you’ll find recipes, plus bigamy and bootlegging. Her first book was The Sharper Your Knife, the Less You Cry about attending Le Cordon Bleu in Paris and falling in love with her husband. You should check it out here.

Let me be frank.

This week I spoke at frank in Florida and it was lovely.  Click here to see the glorious magnificence of my hotel room.  I highly recommend checking out all of the speeches but if you have 30 minutes and want to see mine you can check it out here.  You have to fast-forward to the end to see it.  It’s at the 1 hour 14 minute mark.

PS. I corrected Matt who credited @crappytaxidermy but it actually was @craptaxidermy so ignore me.  And I’m sure I fucked up other stuff too.  The usual.

poorprofessor higgins

PPS.  Unrelated, but this dress debate is killing me.  You’ve seen this, right?


I saw this CLEARLY WHITE AND GOLD dress this morning and everyone else I know is saying it’s clearly black and blue so I ask Victor and he said it was black and blue as well and that’s when I decided this was a big practical joke on me.  You win.  Lot of trouble to go through to make me think I’m losing my mind, y’all.

PPS.  WHAT THE FUCKETY FUCK.  I just looked at it again and now it’s black and blue and I can’t understand how I ever thought it was gold and white.  What sort of wizardry is this?

This is what’s happening in my mind anyway.

This weekend I’ll be at WordCamp in San Francisco to talk about blogging.

I’m not afraid to admit that my 10-year-old daughter knows far more about coding than I do, and that I suspect anyone who can create a website using strings of seemingly random words and numbers must be involved in some sort of witchcraft.  If anyone asks me any difficult questions about programming or java or algorithms I will probably react in almost exactly this way:

You’ve been warned, San Francisco.