From the category archives:

I am totally overrated

And then all of my fingers fell off

February 21, 2012

in I am totally overrated,Let's Pretend This Never Happened,Random crap

A few weeks ago I announced that I was signing 5,000 bookplates to go out for free to people who preorder my book - and who don’t live outside of the US, and who don’t have a PO box, and who aren’t left-handed dentists. (I may have made up that last one.)

Yesterday I finally finished and then all of my fingers fell off. But it was hugely relieving to be done and I decided to celebrate the accomplishment with a photo, which then became a three-part-series.

1. Me, after signing the 5,000th bookplate and then playing Jenga with them.

2. Me, after Victor pointed out that I’d missed a big box of bookplates and had at least 1,000 more to sign.

3. Me, innocently plotting Victors’ painful demise right after he told me that he was just fucking with me.

There are still a couple hundred signed bookplates that haven’t been spoken for so if you preorder a book make sure you go over here and fill out your info before they’re all gone.

Also, if you’re Canadian, there’s at least one Canadian-based contest going on right now.  I’ll keep you posted on other stuff as it comes around.

A very special thank you to everyone who has bought or is planning to buy, borrow or steal my book.  I owe you a drink.  And a huge shout out to Doctor Who and The Guild, who made this long, strange ordeal distractingly awesome.

And now I will never sign my name again.  Instead I’m just drawing pictures of cat faces.  Get ready for the book tour, y’all.  There’s gonna be a lot of kitty faces and confused autograph-seekers.  Or possibly just me sitting alone while the bookstore cashiers look at me with pity and/or disgust.  That’s a possibility too.

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And then I became a recurring comic book character. Someone send me my geek card.

February 20, 2012

in I am totally overrated,Random crap

My friends (Clint & Luke) have a comic book they’ve been working on forever and a year ago they asked if I’d mind my writing gracing the back pages of their series, Taroch (which is brilliant – and I’d say that even if I didn’t already  love them).  They sent me the latest issue and it’s just as fabulous as the last, plus I have a new comic panel right after a story about the most amazing zombie fighting transvestive ever.  In short, you should buy this comic.  But in case you can’t afford to support struggling, young artists but still want to see what they can do, they let me post my panel here.

(FYI…I’m not being compensated in any way whatsoever for this.  I just happen to adore them.)

PS. They’ll be signing copies at the London Super ComicCon this weekend.  If you’re there, say hi.  And dress up as me.  Because technically I just became a recurring comic book character.

Life is weird.

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Juanita in carbonite

February 19, 2012

in blogging about blogging again,I am totally overrated,Random crap,weekly reruns

Earlier this week I told you about a tiny, dead weasel I dressed, adopted and named Juanita.  Within a few days she had her very own meme and a line of products.  Kinda fucking impressive for a dead weasel, if you ask me.  And possibly a little cocky.  Regardless, she brought joy and laughter to many, and several of you will be getting emails about free Juanita junk because you entered something bad-ass into the meme contest, but the ultimate winner was a personal favorite of mine from Bart Smith:

Look closely. There are 15+ bloggess-isms here. (It's bigger on the inside.)

For being awesome and amazing at photoshop (seriously, click here for a giant version), Bart wins a tiny, resin Juanita statue, which looks as if Juanita was frozen in carbonate, but more colorful.

Juan-ita Solo

(Click here to pick up one for yourself.)

And in other news, it’s Sunday, which means it’s time for the weekly wrap-up:

What you missed on Ill-Advised:

What you missed on my satirical sex column:  (Moderately safe for work if your boss isn’t a complete douche-canoe.)

What you missed on the Houston Chronicle:

What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

What you missed on the internets:

This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome

This week’s wrap-up brought to you by my amazingly talented friend Sylvia, who wrote a fabulous ebook that costs less than a coke.  It’s called Fear of Landing: You Fly Like a Woman and it’s her true story about learning to fly after being told by a man that she can’t.  The perfect inspirational gift for your daughter (or son).  Plus, it’s less than a dollar and only takes an hour or two to finish.  EVERYONE WINS.  I highly recommend.

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The end. And the beginning

January 31, 2012

in I am totally overrated,more than meets the eye

I know I said I was going to give away five red ball gowns as part of the #travelingreddress project, but I am a tremendous liar who can’t be trusted. That’s why instead today I’ll be mailing out nine red ball dresses to women around the world. The tenth will be just as beautiful, but will be smaller and hopefully a bit more magical, as it will be going to Alice:

Amazing pictures already pouring in from women across the globe in their red dresses. In fact, some have improvised using just a few yards of material to make amazing portraits. Ball gowns are flying across the country and photographers are furiously offering free sessions, and honestly I may have cried a little.

A few minutes ago I got an email telling me that I’m a final nominee for a Health Activist Award. I’m not sure if it’s for my work with rheumatoid arthritis or with mental illness but it seemed to require some weekly chats or such and I immediately felt both proud and panicked and quickly emailed them:

I’m not sure if i was chosen because of my rheumatoid arthritis or my mental illness issues but the latter sort of keeps me from doing web chats or phone calls or any of that. My anxiety is just too strong right now for me to take on anything else. But I’m so honored. If you’d rather give it to someone less crazy than me though I totally understand. I just have to take care of myself a bit more and that means saying no when I want to say yes. I hope you understand.

After I sent that out I expected to feel bad, like a failure for not being the activist others might see me as, but instead I felt…comforted. Because I’m finally learning that I have to be my own activist as well and take care of myself.  And sometimes that means saying “no” when every fiber of your body says “yes”.

Sometimes a no is a yes.

Sometimes a battle is the triumph.

Sometimes a dress is a hope.

PS. Tomorrow I’ll be back in my usual old irreverent, biting satire as usual. The drugs should kick in any minute.  Promise.

UPDATED:  I won, in spite of myself.  Literally, and figuratively.  How perfectly bewildering.

 

Comment of the day: When you said “Ball gowns are flying across the country”, the first thing I thought of was looking up in the sky and seeing scores of victorian dresses flying through the air. And a small child, who is walking down the street with her mother would look up at the sky and ask: Mommy, what are those things? And the mother would smile, look down and say to her child: That’s hope. ~ Plaidfox

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Advanced cooking lessons

January 28, 2012

in blogging about blogging again,I am totally overrated,Random crap,weekly reruns

Conversation I had after wandering into Victor’s office.

me:  Hey.  How do you make hot water?

Victor:  …Really?  “How do you make hot water?”  Are you fucking with me?  

me:  No.  I want to make a tea but I don’t know how.

Victor:  Go write this on your blog right now.  You just asked me how to heat up water.  You basically just confirmed everything I’ve ever said about your cooking skills in a single sentence.

me:  I know how to get hot water.  I know how the tap works.  I just don’t know how to use the coffee maker and I thought maybe it would be easier to use it than using the microwave.

Victor:  So you need a machine to make you hot water…because the microwave is too complicated?

me:  I’m trying to work smarter, not harder.  DON’T JUDGE ME.

Victor:  It’s moments like this I wish I was on twitter.  ”Overheard at our house: ‘How do you make hot water?‘”

me:  FINE.  How about this?  Can you show me how to make coffee without any coffee in it?

Victor:  See, that sounds more complicated.  Not normal or rational, but less ridiculous.  So, yes, I will show you how to make coffee with no coffee in it.

me:  So basically you’re only helping me now because of semantics.

Victor:  How else will you learn?

PS.  Victor says tomorrow he’s going to teach me how to make “hot dog water”.

Victor is a very helpful kind of asshole.

****************

And now, the weekly wrap-up:

What you missed on Ill-Advised:

What you missed on my satirical sex column:  (Moderately safe for work if your boss isn’t a complete douche-canoe.)

What you missed on the Houston Chronicle:

What you missed in my shop (tentatively called “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

What you missed on the internets:

This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome

  • This week’s wrap-up sponsored by my friend Leonie who created The Goddess Guidebook to help you create your own Goddess Year in 2012 using art therapy  and the tools and techniques she’s providing.  She’s adorable and full of light and is a terrible driver.  Or possibly the person in the other seat is a terrible driver.  One of those.  You should check her out.

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