This isn’t a real post but I just wanted to share. I don’t usually get into family details on my blog but I’m making an exception today.
The last decade has been tough for Victor’s meemaw. Her husband (and Victor’s idol) died, then her daughter died, she lost much of her sight, and she realized she was going to lose the tiny garage apartment she was living in near Dallas. Last week Victor and I were able to get her a pretty, one-bedroom apartment down the street from us, furnish it and replace her broken appliances, and move her where she’ll be safe and secure and closer to family. When she saw the apartment she cried because she told us she never thought she’d ever live anywhere so nice.
We are so incredibly lucky to be able to do this for her, and it would not have been possible without you. In the last few years if you read this blog, or advertised on it, or visited the sponsors, or bought my book, or purchased something from my shop you’ve helped me. You helped me to be someone I never thought I could be. You helped me have faith in myself. You helped me help other people who then helped others. I know that everything in life moves in ripples and that we affect each other all of the time, but I want you to know that I can see it so clearly today. You’ve helped me. I can never thank you enough for the changes you’ve made in so many people’s lives, but I can thank you for the wonderful things you’ve brought to mine. Thank you. There aren’t words big enough to say it as strongly as you deserve to hear it.
Never doubt that you make a difference…one so much larger than you could ever know.
PS. In a perfect world I would thank you with a sweet picture of meemaw right here, but I can’t find a good one so instead I’m using this:
He might also be slow-dancing with an invisible lizard. Hard to tell with that cat.
This was on my Facebook wall. It makes me smile. It also makes me question a lot of things:
Mostly things like, why does the story of my life show up fifth in the “giant dildo” column? And what’s a “dildo bat”? And why is there a market for “used dildos”?
You know what? Never mind.
Some questions just shouldn’t be answered.
I’m starting out this new year with a series of confessions. It’s very freeing and takes much less energy than making New Year’s resolutions I will spectacularly fail at achieving. I highly recommend it. Let’s start:
1. I’ve been spelling “trifling” wrong for my whole life. I spell it “trifiling”.
2. I pronounce “antenna” as “antanna”. I think I’m saying it properly but everyone assures me I’m not.
3. I don’t pronounce the “h” in “Huge”. People point it out. Lots of people.
4. There are a number of words which I use a lot, but have only ever read in books so when I say them out loud I just cross my fingers and pray that I’m pronouncing them correctly.
5. The last person who corrected my pronunciation is buried under the crawlspace.
One of these confessions is not true. Good luck guessing which one.
Every New Year’s Day my superstitious family eats black-eyed peas for luck, and cabbage for money. It makes everyone gassy, but we still do it because we’re afraid of the demons which apparently punish you for…not having access to peas, I guess? Still, it’s slightly more sane than other people’s New Year’s traditions (according to this company I know nothing about):
Related: Failing to hear animals having a conversation with you is also good luck in my family. Or it’s a sign that you need more to drink. Also, I don’t have a witty way to pull this post together because I’m on a lot of cold medicine, but maybe that’ll bring good luck for the new year. Maybe being high on cold meds and only half-finishing blog posts are the luckiest ways to end the old year. I’m so ahead of the game it hurts.
PS. I was just thinking that eating foods that make you super gassy on New Year’s Day is probably a good idea because we’re all hungover and feeling fat and grumpy and it gives us all a good reason to stay clear from each other. There might be a kind of science to this after all. Someone get me a possum.
This isn’t a real post. It’s just a place to say that I hope you had a wonderful holiday and that if you’re feeling a bit down that is totally normal because this time of year is filled with weirdness and stress and ups and downs, so if you don’t feel sort of depressed at least once this month you’re probably a cyborg. To distract you from all that holiday angst, I’m sharing a picture I took from the classified section of my hometown paper. It’s usually filled with all sorts of weirdness, and this week was no exception:
That's *awfully* specific, Kara.
PS. My parents just reminded me that their donkey (Jasper) could be a real crotchety old asshole when he wanted to be, so technically it’s probably a good idea to not settle for just any old jackass. This reasoning is true of spouses, bosses, and guard donkeys.
I’m sorry I ever judged you, Kara.
PPS. On an utterly unrelated note, for xmas I got gift certificates for books (because people know me and I have a problem). Help me choose. What’s one of your favorite books that you think everyone should read? I’m making a list.
This is for you. This is as close as I came to making a holiday card this year. It’s also as close as I came to being murdered by my cats this year. But you are worth it.
And in unrelated news, it’s time for the weekly wrap-up:
What you missed in my shop (Named “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):
What you missed on the internets:
This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:
This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by Fix The Toaster, which aims at awareness and prevention of car crashes. Nearly 32,000 Americans die in car crashes annually. 80% of car crashes are PREVENTABLE. If the TOASTER was killing that many people we’d think it was ridiculous. We’d un-plug it and say, let’s Fix The Toaster. Be aware and be safe out there, people. You’re worth it.