I was just wondering if the Jolly Green Giant was made of vegetables, because if so it seems sort of cruel to make him a spokesperson for eating vegetables. I looked it up and it urns out that the original Jolly Green Giant was neither “jolly” nor “green” and was actually some sort of angry caveman in a bearskin loincloth which just gave me more questions.
But I did find out that there’s an enormous, 55-foot statue of him where it seems like it would be almost impossible to not stare up at his ball sack. Then I was like, why am I thinking about the Jolly Green Giant’s ball sack? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? This is exactly why the internet is so dangerous.
But clearly I did not learn my lesson because then I looked at wikipedia to see if it could answer the question about whether JGG -and his Jolly Green Genitals- are made of vegetables and Wikipedia explained that the Green Giant came around in the 20’s in response to a new variety of pea that were “oblong, wrinkled and huge. Despite their size, they were tender, and had a special flavor and sweetness that couldn’t be matched.”
Also, the company originally used the brand name “Le Sueur”, which is french for “The Sweat.” Sweaty, green, oblong, huge, and wrinkled….but tender and with a special flavor.
I’m sorry. I can’t stop laughing and I’m not going to explain why if you’re not as messed up as I am.
And now, the weekly wrap-up of awesomeness:
Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):
- Kick-ass stuff I pinned.
- DON’T DESTROY BOOKS. Unless you’re doing this. This is pretty awesome.
- I accidentally invented something. It tastes awesome but looks like my popsicle has cysts. A popcystcle. We’re not sold on the name.
- Jane Eyre, Or: The Bride of Edward ‘Crazypants” Rochester
Shit you should buy or steal because it’s awesome:
This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by the wonderful Chris Illuminati (yes, that is his real name) who just wrote a very funny but educational bad-ass book called The New Dad Dictionary— Everything He Really Needs to Know. I assumed it would be stuff I already knew since I’m a parent but then I got to the page about Baby Concierges and I was all, ‘WHAT THE SHIT? BABIES GET CONCIERGES NOW?” I didn’t even know that was a thing. If you’re a new dad, or about to become a new dad you should totally get this book. Check it out here.