Category Archives: weekly reruns

WHO LOOKS STUPID NOW?

Still recovering from pneumonia but I’m well enough to look back at the past week and realize how totally sick I was.  I get terrible fever dreams that seem so real they bleed into real life and it’s hard to separate them from reality (is this normal?) and one of the strongest happened Wednesday when I fell asleep reading Ready Player One and Victor woke me up with a “medicine ball” from Starbucks and he tried to explain that it was some drink from their secret menu that he read helps when you’re sick (hot tea, steamed lemonade, honey, heroin probably) and I took it and honestly thought he’d slain some orcs and this potion had dropped when he killed them and I was super impressed for an hour until I fully woke up and realized that I was being crazier than normal.  But I do recommend the medicine ball if you’re sick even though Victor said that he felt like an idiot ordering something that wasn’t on the menu because the baristas always make him feel stupid and what if it was a trick, but then when the barista was like, “Totally.  I can make that” he thought it would be funny to start asking for made-up, nonexistent names of drinks at Starbucks.  Like if he said “Make me a Butthole Surfer” the barista would be confused and then he could say “WHO LOOKS STUPID NOW?” and then they’d be even.  But then the next day he decided to actually do it and he ordered an “Old Wizard’s Beard” in the drive-thru and he said “They asked if I wanted it iced and I just drove off, terrified of what they had back there.”  So, point Starbucks.

Does this make any sense?  Sorry.  I am on a LOT of meds.

In other news, I asked people to share pictures of their finished images from YOU ARE HERE on twitter and I was not disappointed so I put them in a storify right here and now even more are coming in so I’m going to have to do another.  Tag your images with #youarehere if you want to share and I’ll do another round up soon.

I did this one. I’m starting to see the allure of coloring.

Forgive the typos.  I’m still 45% dead.

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And now…time for the weekly wrap-up!

sid2

 

Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

Shit-you-may-or-may-not-want-to-see:

This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by Hippo Hug weighted blankets (I have one and it’s like being hugged by your bed).  From the maker: “Hippo Hug weighted blankets are different than any others that you will find on the market. We use a unique and proprietary weighting system that involves specially designed disks so that they blanket has a low profile and doesn’t look any different than a regular quilt.”  They’re pretty bad-ass.  You should check them out here.

I need podcasts

My book tour for YOU ARE HERE starts in a few days and I am utterly unprepared (I may end up dressed in hotel sheets at this point) but one thing I’ve learned is that listening to podcast when you’re traveling can be fantastic because it’s like you’re having a conversation with a friend and you don’t even have to answer them and also if you fell asleep while they’re talking they don’t care.  It’s awesome.  But I need some new podcasts because I’m going to be on the road for two weeks so please give me suggestions.

My personal favorites usually fall under the category of “tell me a story”, “freak me out” or “make me laugh”.  Here are a few of my personal favorites:

Invisibilia

This American Life

Welcome to Night Vale

Hidden Brain

Stuff You Missed in History Class

Missing Richard Simmons

Lore

Up and Vanished

Reply All

Limetown

Pop Culture Happy Hour

Within the Wires

Thrilling Adventure Hour

Serial

Your turn.  What should I be listening to?

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And now…time for the weekly wrap-up!

sid2

 

Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

Shit-you-may-or-may-not-want-to-see:

This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by Sasha O’Hara, author of a crapload of good, subversive coloring books.  From her: Grab your pens and pencils and pull up that damn couch, because it’s time to get your snark on! When the shit show of life is making you crazy and everyone has lost their minds, let Cheaper than Therapy ease your stress with its insanely out of line pages.  With over 30 shockingly subversive illustrations, plus plenty of colorable journaling pages, you’re sure to get your sanity back in no time! Pages include sayings like “Good morning, I see the assassins have failed”, “My happy place is your happy place burning to the ground”, and “Are you fucking kidding me?!”, “Ew. People” and more.” Check it out here.

Owl just apologize in advance.

Victor and I have had running pun wars since we first got married.  One person starts with a terrible pun and the next has to come up with a worse one on the same subject until the other person gives up.  Last night I couldn’t sleep so I decided to make a shirt for Victor:

owl-puns

And he was like, “Huh.  Looks like you’re making an owlmlette,” and I groaned, “That’s a terrible pun, but owl allow it,” and he said “Fine.  Looks like you’re making hot wings,” and I said, “From Hooters?” and Victor stared at me for a second and said, “I just have one question.  Hoo left the grill on?” and I sang, “Hoo?  Hoo! Hoo! Hoo!” and then Hailey asked how old she had to be to  file for emancipation and I was like, “That’s not how puns work, Hailey.  Like, you could say ‘HOO do I have to talk to about being removed from this home?’  That would work.”  And Victor was like, “Except technically we’ve used ‘hoo’ so that’s just lazy punning.  We expect better from you, young lady.”  And then Hailey went to her room. Probably to work on her owl puns.

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And now…time for the weekly wrap-up!

sid2

 

Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

Shit-you-may-or-may-not-want-to-see:

This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by House Rules Cafe, a board game cafe in Hudson, NY with a library of games available for in-house play. It doesn’t exist yet, but with your help it will.  Click here to find out how you can build it.  The layout of the cafe will feature a nook reserved specifically for children, and a collection of games that appeals to all age groups, including young adults. As a family-friendly alternative to the usual nightlife, it will be a unique business for Hudson.  The menu will consist of delicious comfort foods and the cafe will also have a strong sense of social responsibility, with anxiety and sensory sensitive events, fair trade products, and participation in programs like Suspended Coffees. “This is an opportunity to drive the board game industry in a new direction,” says owner Kathleen Miller, “one that is inclusive, community-focused, and kind.”  Sounds pretty bad-ass to me.  Click here to take a look.

Don’t walk upside down in the middle of the street, y’all.

So, I came across this sign yesterday:

huh

…and I couldn’t decide if it meant “don’t walk upside down” or “don’t stand on your head in this particular intersection” but I suspect it most likely means “Don’t hang signs while drunk”.  All are good advice though so I thought I’d share it here.

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And now…time for the weekly wrap-up!

sid2

 

Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

Shit-you-may-or-may-not-want-to-see:

This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by Heather McVea,  author of urban fantasy, paranormal, and adventure-laden romps through any number of worlds. (With a healthy dose of romance, sarcasm and snark added.)  From Heather: “I subscribe to the basic beliefs that a day without vampires is like a day without sunshine, and you never can tell the good witch from the bad witch. In pursuit of those tenets, I have a five book series set in San Antonio, TX (Waking Forever Series), and have just published book two of a four book series set in Baltimore, MD (Elements Series). I also have a standalone book (November’s End), and two novellas (Turn Darkly and Wayward Destiny).”  You should check them all out here.

And then I was attacked by a thousand rattlesnakes.

Every single night I go walking in the dark with Dorothy Barker because it’s cooler at night and I love the dark.  Hailey comes with me sometimes but she’s always a bit freaked out because she’s unnerved by the dark so we stay on our block.  I always try to teach her that the dark is good because you can hide in it but she thinks I’m nuts.  But last night she was at a sleepover and Victor was out of town so Dottie and I went walking and I was listening to Lore (my new favorite podcast about dark, terrible things) while we walked and this episode was about Elizabeth Báthory who murdered a shitload of people and may have bathed in their blood and I was thinking that it was good that Hailey wasn’t there because she would have been freaked out and then I heard this noise and it was like a rattlesnake spitting at me and then there was another and then it sounded like a thousand rattlesnakes had awoken and were spitting and shaking and Dottie was like “WTF IS GOING ON HERE?” and then it got immediately way too cold and I was suddenly completely drenched in what I could only imagine was blood or poison or both.

Turns out it was the sprinkler system turning on in my neighbor’s lawn and I was drenched because I was too afraid to move away and anger the snakes that were actually sprinkler heads.

And that’s pretty much how my whole week went.  You?

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And now…time for the weekly wrap-up!

bloggess sid

 

Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

Shit-you-may-or-may-not-want-to-see:

This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by Melt: massage for couples. Basically it’s an instructional massage video that teaches how to give bad-ass massages with a simple, step-by-step video guide. It costs less than one professional massage and you have it forever with unlimited access. Plus, if you’ve been putting off buying a Valentine’s Gift and now you’re panicking you can get this right now and not have to run to the grocery store for a bunch of shit no one wants.  And it’s on sale until Valentine’s Day, so bonus!  Check it out here.

LOOK WHAT JUST CAME IN THE MAIL.

So, last week I asked my editor if I could get the paperback version of Furiously Happy so I could see what the new cover is going to look like and they were all, “No problem” but when I got the package I was like, “Well, this is a very small book” but that’s because it was literally just the cover, which was ridiculous but also sort of cool because I’ve never seen what a cover looks like before it’s been wrapped around a paperback book and now I know.

It looks like this:

The front

The front

The inside

The inside

But then today I went through the mail and this was in it!

3

It’s very thick, I assure you.

YAY!  It comes out day after tomorrow.  A few places you can get it:

Leave a comment if you want one and I’ll give away a few as a preview to Booksgiving, which we’re going to do in a few days.  More to come, y’all.

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And now…time for the weekly wrap-up!

bloggess sid

 

Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

Shit-you-may-or-may-not-want-to-see:

 

This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by Melt: massage for couples. Basically it’s an instructional massage video that teaches how to give bad-ass massages with a simple, step-by-step video guide. It costs less than one professional massage and you have it forever with unlimited access. You can watch the trailer here. It’s super pretty and an excellent skill to know, plus you can show your partner how they’re doing it wrong. Like, if they say “Hey, wanna see how I can disable someone with a pressure point?” That’s not good. Don’t do that. Instead watch the video. Just saying. PS. It’s on sale until Valentine’s Day… Check it out here.

I am mostly sausage

Someone in the comments just responded with “Oh Jenny, you sausage” and this is now my favorite term of endearment because it makes me laugh and also, I am mostly sausage.  And so are you.  Even if you’re vegan. Because sausage is made of ground up meat parts and organs and bones and intestines and things better left unmentioned and I’m made of all of that too.  Except I’m not ground up yet.  Although one day when I’m cremated I will be ground up so technically I think that means I’m future sausage.  Or will be future sausage?  I’m not sure which tense to use when it comes to sausage of the future.

I tried to explain all of this to Victor and he just stared at me like I was crazy so I explained how sausage is made and apparently he didn’t want to hear it but I’m a sharer and what I have to share is knowledge, Victor.  And sausage.  If I have any.  And we used to have freezers full of it because my grandparents made piles of it once a year and I honestly thought that everyone’s grandparents ground up gross crap and stuffed it into intestine skins on their kitchen table but apparently it’s just a bohemian thing?  But then Victor made me doubt that it had ever happened at all so I googled it and google was like, “You are totally right.  As usual.  Also, can we interest you in some edible collagen or some natural beef bung?”  And no, google, you can’t.  Stop it.  We were cool and you made it weird.

screen-shot-2017-01-24-at-10-24-19-pm

No, really. I’m full.

Aaaanyway, I guess that’s why people always say “you don’t want to watch the sausage being made” because if I’m sausage that means you’d be watching me being made, which I think would mean watching me being conceived and no one needs that.  I forgot where I was going with this but that’s to be expected because, hello? I’m mostly made of sausage.

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And now…time for the weekly wrap-up!

bloggess sid

 

Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

  • Ballerina Death Squad.  It’s a long story.  No death or ballerinas involved.  Look at the page for the explanation.  You’re in if you want to be.

Shit-you-may-or-may-not-want-to-see:

This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by Nurturea small woman-owned business. (The small woman is Annie.) The Nurture body care line is plant based, and everything is scented only with essential oils. While Nurture believes in the psychological benefits of essential oils, we don’t claim our products will cure cancer. Well, since a portion of sales of It’ll Be OK Calm Balm benefit St. Baldrick’s Foundation, and they fund pediatric cancer research, maybe that one. One can hope.

Nurture yourself. Nurture others. Be Kind. And read the instructions – they’re usually good for a laugh.

Inhuman is the new pretty.

There’s this new camera app called meitu that everyone on the internet is using because it takes your picture and turns it into a sort of glossy, anime version of yourself.

meitu-bloggess

Edited to add:  Looks like there are some privacy concerns about the app so be careful out there,  okay?

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And now…time for the weekly wrap-up!

bloggess sid

 

Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

Shit-you-may-or-may-not-want-to-see:

This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by Deb Newmyer’s Moms for Hire, a stylish, eight-step guidebook for moms who want to kick their careers back into gear and amp up their professional mojo.  41% of moms choose to stay at home for significant amounts of time after having children and for many moms this is the most rewarding and important work of their lives. But what happens when kids are older, need less attention, and mom decides to go back to work?
Using creative exercises, advice, and anecdotes from well-known working moms, Moms for Hire is a go-to guide for moms looking for a successful re-entry strategy.  You can check it out here.

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! Good things, mostly. Well done, you.

Merry Christmas!  Happy Hanukkah!  Jolly Festivus!  Insert whatever is necessary here!

I tried to count up all the toys and coats and books and blankets sent to children through this year’s Jame Garfield Miracle and I lost track after a few hours so I suspect it’s much more but I estimate that over $75k in clothes and toys were sent to children this year by our amazing community.  That includes over $25,000 in donations to Project Night Night to help homeless children.  (From Project Night Night:  “We are floored and so, so grateful!”)  I can’t share them for privacy sake but I’ve received so many pictures of small, beaming faces surprised with unexpected things under the tree.  You really are full of magic.  Thank you.  Thank you to those who helped and those who asked for help and those who stopped by to send love and encouragement.  In the last 7 years we’ve given over $400,000 to make sure that kids had a happy holiday.  No sponsors.  No marketing.  Just people working together for the good of others.  That’s insane, y’all.  

(And a very special thank you to a young lady who was herself helped during the very first James Garfield Miracle and who this year was so thrilled to be able to pass on gifts to a child in need.  Your email made me cry but in such a good way.)

front

James Garfield and I love you.

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And now…time for the weekly wrap-up!

xmas

 

Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

Shit-you-may-or-may-not-want-to-see:

This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by Melt: massage for couples. It’s an instructional massage video that teaches how to give kick-ass massages with a simple, step-by-step video guide. It costs less than one professional massage and you’ll have it forever with unlimited access. You can watch the trailer here.  Christmas vouchers are on sale today so if you fucked up and gave your honey a terrible gift you can go now and buy a voucher right here and be like, “I was totally kidding about that machete I gave you for Christmas.  THIS IS MY REAL PRESENT.  I’m gonna give you a bad-ass massage.  PLEASE PUT DOWN THE MACHETE.”  Seriously.  Put down the machete.  Pick up some massage skills.  We all win.

This is what comes from insomnia.

A few days ago I couldn’t sleep so I decided to take the new templates on picmonkey for Christmas cards but then remake them completely for my own amusement.  They’re probably too late to get by Christmas but I thought I’d share them here because they made me laugh.

screen-shot-2016-12-18-at-3-00-06-pm

screen-shot-2016-12-18-at-3-03-10-pm

screen-shot-2016-12-18-at-3-05-09-pm

screen-shot-2016-12-18-at-3-06-17-pm

screen-shot-2016-12-18-at-3-07-44-pm

screen-shot-2016-12-18-at-3-08-44-pm

Victor says some of these aren’t even Christmas related but I think maybe we’ve been having different Christmases.

Also, I made the 2017 Bloggess Calendar.  Whoo!  Click on the images if you wanna check any out.screen-shot-2016-12-18-at-3-15-36-pm

PS. Calendar cover image illustrated by my talented friend Joe Badon.  He is a bad-ass.

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And now…time for the weekly wrap-up!

bloggess sid

Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

  • Basically everything at the beginning of this post.  Just click on the images for the links.

Shit-you-may-or-may-not-want-to-see:

This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by Melt: massage for couples. Basically it’s an instructional massage video that teaches how to give kick-ass massages with a simple, step-by-step video guide. It costs less than one professional massage and you’ll have it forever with unlimited access. You can watch the trailer here. It’s super pretty and an excellent skill to know, especially since it equips you with the training to give a kick-ass massage to your honey for the holiday.  It’s way better than a tie or a blender or a mop.  Why were you even thinking about give a mop?  That’s a terrible gift. Don’t do that. Instead watch the video. Just saying.