I kissed what?

in bizarre, Random Crap, this blog cures cancer, why the terrorists hate us

So apparently this is what the scientists are working on now instead of a cure for herpes.  The kiss phone:

kissphone.jpg

 Basically it’s a cell phone that you kiss and it detects and sends your kiss to your partners’ kiss-phone and vice-versa.  It’s like kissing someone through a pair of giant wax lips, which is almost as hot as making out with drywall, or a puddle.  I totally want one of these just so I can be making out with my husband over the phone and suddenly say “Ha!  You’ve been making out with the cat, you sicko!”  And then he’ll be all “Yeah?  Well the cat’s been kissing my butt for the last 5 minutes.”  And then I’ll be like “Ew.  The cat was only on the phone for the last 30 seconds.”  And then we get a divorce.  Thanks a lot, kiss phone.  Now I’m divorced and I have no cure for herpes.

PS.  I don’t really have herpes.  I have that disease you get from kissing your cat after it kisses someone’s butt through plastic lips.  “Depression”, I think it’s called.

Comment of the day:  We still have things like AIDS and stroke victims, right? Can you really call someone who invents a kiss phone a scientist? When the s**t hits the fan and AIDS becomes airborne and the cure for cancer takes a turn and makes everyone zombies and we have only to rely on a ripped-up Will Smith to save us by choking his dog, at least we will have f**king kissy phones. Thanks alot “scientists,” my money’s on the zombies. ~DiscoJamboree

87 thoughts on “I kissed what?”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. There’s that cat on the sidebar again, it must sense when you are blogging negatively about kissing cat butts or something.

  5. GREAT JOB SCIENTISTS! who is sending these scientists out to work on things like CGI for shitty super hero movies and kiss phones? seriously.

    i say everyone beats the next scientist they see with a wiffle ball bat or section of garden hose.

    furiousball’s last blog post..OK here’s my stupid beard?

  6. ummm… yeah. Okay now.. Put down the phone and no one gets hurt… Why would anyone let the cat lick their butt? Is it a grooming issue or some kinky fetish I haven’t heard about yet?

    Lauraszoo’s last blog post..rotten Tuesdays

  9. We still have things like AIDS and stroke victims, right? Can you really call someone who invents a kiss phone a scientist? When the s**t hits the fan and AIDS becomes airborne and the cure for cancer takes a turn and makes everyone zombies and we have only to rely on a ripped-up Will Smith to save us by choking his dog, at least we will have f**king kissy phones. Thanks alot “scientists,” my money’s on the zombies.

  12. What’s next? A cunnilingus phone? A glory hole phone? A donkey punch phone? Awesome! We didn’t need a cure for cancer anyway. Way to go, scientists!

    The Introvert’s last blog post..texas weather

  14. The donkey punch phone is at least practical. Maybe a gorilla mask phone?

  18. I want/need one of these to fulfill several aspects of my life. And the humor properties alone are endless. Not surprisingly this is just a stop on phones that do all sorts of inappropriate things to you, but those will be way more expensive and have vibrating options…Oh wait, they already have those, they just don’t make phone calls or take pictures.

    FYI: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bloggessed

    Michael’s last blog post..What the Fuck Technorati??

  19. I’m not surprised. They already have all sorts of remote phone-controlled devices for, well, whatever you want. God knows the people in the board meeting would understand if you needed to step out to take a “kiss” call…or whatever else you might get.

    Jeff’s last blog post..Five Death Defying Feats for Naked Women

  25. I wanted to laugh out loud when I read your post, but the office is very busy and quiet today. So, instead, I had to stifle my laughter. This made my insides hurt because I wanted to laugh so hard. Then, I realized I had four cups of tea already this morning and had not used the bathroom. “Oh, shit” I thought as I stifled my laughter and held in my pee as my insides hurt. The moral of the story? I should never read your blog while I’m at work because I might pee myself and burst into laughter while coworkers look on in fear and concern. Thanks for that.

    Arwen’s last blog post..Two-fer Friday: BAD Roads

  27. I love you people so, so much.

    If I had a kiss phone I would make out with all of you all. day. long.

    Except for you, Willowtree. You know what you did.

  29. This really is the reason that terrorists hate our capitalistic butts. True story: the spell check told me to change capitalistic to cannibalistic. Deep. Real deep.

    motherbumper’s last blog post..The Toddler Cell

  31. You know what I hate? I hate hearing people talking on their cell phones inside the toilet stalls in public restrooms. This device could elevate that disgust to an even more uncomfortable level. Yes, it could.

  32. I don’t have a cat in my sidebar – I have an exclusive interview with Jessica Weiner. Perhaps she doesn’t like cat cruelty either????

    This could give a whole new meaning to “phone sex”. What’s next? A blow-job phone?

    Sayre’s last blog post..Little Boy Blues

  35. Oh I can’t WAIT to see what fun the pervs riding public transportation are gonna have with these. “Is that a kiss phone in your pocket or. . . Oh. Wait. It’s NOT in your pocket, is it?” And then I’ll use a pencil to dial 911 on the perv’s kiss phone.

  36. Dude, puhlease tell me it wasn’t Bubba he was kissing. That would just be wrong. Oooooh, unless it was post-taxidermy. (hmmm, then it would still be wrong).

    (P.S. Sorry if we’re not at the “laughing place” on that one yet 🙂 )

    Greta’s last blog post..Scales of Justice?New Weight Loss Rules

  37. Introvert – I am sorry, I waited, and waited, and waited(to be truthful my attention span is about 4 seconds) and no entry was made, so I did it. I’ve gone a bit urban dictionary crazy. Gut away, I can take it.

    Michael’s last blog post..What the Fuck Technorati??

  43. I just want to say that Disco Jamboree should have a blog. That zombie comment was almost as hilarious as your post, Jenny. 🙂

    Melanie’s last blog post..Scanty

  49. That thing is just perverted crap. But, it is great for blog fodder! LOL I’d ask why someone would invent it, but I don’t think I want the answer. 😛

    Oh, and Willowtree and Jenny…will you two make up already? Willowtree, hurry up and kiss Jenny’s butt. You know you wanna… ;P

  58. okay. that’s just freaking bizarre. i like your disease better than herpes. i think i have it too.

  62. Ok, I want to see a HUG phone, complete with gigantic arms. C’mon, Science!

  68. That has to be the most unsanitary thing I’ve seen in a long time – outside of actually kissing a cat’s butt, that is.

    Where’s the Animal Cruelty Cat when ya need him?

    preppygirl’s last blog post..Once Upon a Time…

  70. Hmm, this reminds me of how the summer I spent watching daytime soaps as my sitter talked on the phone and did her nails. I discovered that adults kissing simulated the exact sound of my dog cleaning itself.

    amanda’s last blog post..Eliot, you broke my heart.

  73. Dear. God. I’m sitting in my evidence class trying to catch up on all the blogging I missed in the last two weeks and I just snorted out loud at your last post. Brilliant. Thanks for making a postpartum lady nearly pop her coochie stitches.

    New Duck’s last blog post..One day old

  74. Sorry to bust your bubble Michael and Introvert, but the definition of Bloggessed is a wee bit different.

    It started at comment 50 by moi, then 51 by A Mom Two Boys, then was defined at 67 by EdT in this comment section.

    “It’s time to coin a new term, folks and fellow geeks. To be “Bloggessed” = to be featured on TheBloggess.com, which results in your server melting under the ensuing avalanche of hits.

    Gary Kawasaki: you have been Bloggessed.” –EdT

    Just thought you should know. *evil laughter*

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