I shouldn't be allowed to mix with real people

in functions I shouldn't be allowed to attend, I am totally overrated, I'm an idiot, Random Crap, The People's Party

So this weekend I went to Blogher and basically it confirmed that I should never leave my house again.  It was awesome and terrible.  Like a tornado filled with glitter and pretty shoes.

I did a reading at the Community Keynote and (surprisingly) was the only one drinking heavily backstage and (unsurprisingly) was the only one who had to physically hang on to the stage curtain to keep from falling over because “the stage was slanty” (it wasn’t).  Oh and my anxiety disorder kicked in so I had to wear my “confidence wig” and I think everyone kept thinking there was a reason I was wearing it, and were waiting for me to do a Britney Spears interpretation or something but no, actually I’m just a weirdo and it turns out that most people don’t even own a confidence wig.  Laura sent me a videotape of the whole thing and it’s hard to hear which is a blessing, because basically I lost my place on the page I was reading from and just started ad-libbing crap and talking about the NRA.  What the fuck, me? 

I also went to the party I was supposed to be hosting and it was so awesomely big that I ended up staying for about 14 minutes before bolting and hiding in the men’s room for the next four hours.  At one point I was interviewed in the bathroom and (I’m told) I gave an educational seminar about peeing standing up through labia manipulation.  We can only hope that video tape was destroyed in the shoe tornado. 

Then Laura shows up like 4 hours later and I’m still sitting on the sink and she’s all “The fuck, dude?  People are concerned.  I’m getting calls from people saying you’ve been in the bathroom for four hours!” and I’m like “Well, that’s probably because I’ve been in the bathroom for four hours.  Hey, have you met the Backstreet Boys?! (I don’t really think they were the Backstreet Boys)” and she’s all “Those aren’t the backstreet boys and why have you been in the bathroom for four hours?  You missed your own party!” and I’m like “Um…because I’m me”  Then Laura’s like “Well..good point.  We’re getting you some fresh air” and then she grabs my hand and pulls me out of the bathroom and I’m all “I miss my sink!  Where are we going?” and she says “To the bar” and I’m like “YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND EVER, LAURA!”  But then we get to the bar and she tells me I can only have water and she turns away for 12 seconds and suddenly a cocktail is in my hand and she’s all “Where the hell did you get that?!” exactly like I did when Hailey found the Tijuana porn under my bed but really I think she was more amazed than mad.  Laura re: the drink, that is.  Not Hailey re: the Tijuana porn. 

Then I realized that I had forgotten my antidepressants.  And that’s when things got really weird.

More to come unless I get distracted.  Oh look!  Dust!

PS.  Photos stolen and vandalized from the awesome Aimee Greeblemonkey and Califmom.

Comment of the day: I totally did not know who you were backstage. I am not lying. I mean, I read your tweets and shit, but I did not have a real idea of what you looked like and I thought maybe you were a cancer survivor with a bad blonde wig. I am not making this up. ~ Suebob

186 thoughts on “I shouldn't be allowed to mix with real people”

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  2. OH Jenny, I wish I could have been there in the bathroom with you…..for I pee down my leg every time I try to go standing up. My husband just read this over my should and asked me if I wanted a little labia manipulation tonight…MEN.

  4. I was a little intimidated at your party as well. Wish I’d been in the bathroom with you, instead. One can always use a little peeing instruction, no matter how old. Nice meeting you there.

  5. Even though you second-guess the wisdom of going out and circulating amongst people who aren’t related to you, I know that each time you make somebody’s day, week, or even month with your shenanagins.

    C’s last blog post..Drunkblog

  6. You’re quality entertainment. Even in the hard-to-hear video. I would gladly pay whatever your speaking fee is if you would come sit in my living room and talk to me for an evening.

  15. yo, bitch! How come I didn’t see you for more than like 5 minutes?? Next time I’m in Houston your ass is mine. Like. Seriously. Did you hear I made out w/ one of our blogger friends? See. I’m not fucking around.

    Defiantmuse’s last blog post..times like these

  19. 1. I totally did not know who you were backstage. I am not lying. I mean, I read your tweets and shit, but I did not have a real idea of what you looked like and I thought maybe you were a cancer survivor with a bad blonde wig. I am not making this up.

    2. You not only rocked the house, you burned the house DOWN. That performance could have been on Johnny Carson if Johnny Carson let brilliant comics talk about drugs and the C word (no, not “cancer”)

    3. I would have hung in the bathroom longer with you but that blonde girl was screaming her f***ing head off and it was breaking my delicate ears.

    Suebob’s last blog post..I DO have a lot to say about BlogHer 08

  20. I am honored to have my fine photography featured on your blog. I feel a future career forming for me: Men’s Room Photojournalist. Brightkite me with your next “party” location, and I’m there.

    califmom’s last blog post..How Do You Sleep?

  21. Everyone keeps asking me about drinking in the bathroom with you (because I posted it on my site) and now I’m thinking, “That slut. She was drinking in the bathroom with OTHER PEOPLE before me” but then I remembered that you were in my panties.

    For the duration of the day.

    When I said that to people (the exact wording was “The Bloggess is in my panties right now”) they acted like I was drunk. Sadly, I was not.

    Mocha’s last blog post..It’s Pathetic, Really

  29. Your comment on my blog made my day!

    I hope that’s not scary.

    If I go next year, I am absolutely coming to the parties and getting drunk. (I only did the second day this year). I would totally have been in the bathroom with you.

    I stalked followed you out of the final keynote to say “hi” and “you kick ass,” but you were deep in conversation in the cool green coat, so I went to my car and left.

    Lunasea’s last blog post..I Blame G’s Genes

  32. OK, so Jenny,
    I’m really green at all this blog-shit and can barely post on my own [sad] blog…and can’t ever figure out html codes to make shit look cool.

    But…

    I’m 46…
    I’m raising a son…
    I’ve been living/married to the same man for just over 20 years…
    I’ve buried my father…
    I’m not [currently] addicted to anything…

    and my point is this–my vote MUST count for something, some where.

    I vote for YOU.

    Just like I’d vote for Kathy Griffin…You know Kathy Griffin, don’t you? Tell me you do…Because I just want to scream at people who take themselves so fucking seriously on these blogs and remind us/them all…Fuck! This is BlogWorld…Take a Pill!

    I sit in my cozy house on the coast of Maine and get a HUGE dose of LMAO every day I read your blog.

    You’re doing great…You look great…You have a beautiful family…and…

    FUCK’EM IF THEY CAN’T TAKE A JOKE!

    I hope you feel comfortable in your skin…because you really do make the mundane of life comfortable for many of us out here in blog-where-ever-the-fuck…

    Hug your family…they rock!

    EastCoastFan

    Kim’s last blog post..Sending a Birthday Balloon to Kelly…

  33. While I don’t have a confidence wig I DO, however, have a confidence merkin. I highly recommend it (but you cannot borrow mine, sorry, I have boundary issues).

    Sadly, stupidly, pathetically I pussed out of Blogher even though I bought the whole shebang package. Instead I stayed home across the Bay combing my merkin with my daughter’s My Pretty Pony brush and putting butterfly clips in it. Next time. Next time I go, I drink, and hopefully get to meet you.

  34. I’m totally buying a confidence wig for myself now. But red, cuz I love me some redheads.

    Thanks for the laughter you gave me in a much needed moment when the grief was weighing me down and trying to drown me.

    You brought joy.

    Thanks for that.

    (And thanks for letting me totally grab yer tits. Made my night. heh.)

    Redneck Mommy’s last blog post..Naked at BlogHer

  39. Hon, I’ve been on stages that really were slanty, and have a box full of wigs in bright colors – you can have any of them that add to the confidence. Can’t wait for the next chance to get together.

    Plus Q and Hailey must meet!

    Lady M’s last blog post..Now We All Know What ‘Buck’ Means

  40. i’m guessing you don’t remember, but you and i met and chatted a bit during the ruby skye party. i actually hadn’t known who you were until you spoke at the community keynote, but i think i love you a little bit already. oh, and i totally had antidepressants to hand out, if only i’d known you needed them.

    Lara’s last blog post..BlogHer08: Cheers and Jeers

  42. “You and me and the bottle makes three tonight”……Jenny, you rock the party that rocks the party. I love you, you crazy bitch.

    PS – On my way to the airport? Jen and I saw a person on the sidewalk with a sign that said (thank GOD Jen was the for verification)…

    “Please help: family kidnapped by ninjas. Need cash for kung fu lessons.”

    I AM NOT KIDDING!!

    PPS – I felt your boobs up at the People’s Party. I couldn’t help it – I did it for the people.

    qt’s last blog post..R.I.P. BlogHer

  44. The “real” #1:

    “Like a tornado filled with glitter and pretty shoes.”

    I **heart** you more today than yesterday, but not as much as tomorrow. If you offered a class in “Improving your writing by painting THE BEST WORD PICTURES EVAH”, I would be first in line.

    1) I was SOOOoooo right, small wonder I made the BLOGGESS COMMENT OF THE FREAKIN’ DAY!

    2) I felt it in my bones….

    3) And I wish we had a picture of “that” (you lying in a splash-pool on the bathroom floor, NOT peeing-by-labia-manipulation (is that like voting-by-proxy?))

    4) What’s the cat-fight Willowtree’s talkin’ about???

    Rowrrrrr!

    Robin’s last blog post..A little crabby…and a little buggy

  45. Chick, I am getting tons of hits on my blog with your name and another certain blogger, and something about ‘abuse’ and ‘smackdown’ and ‘The Bloggess loses her shit’.

    Damn you woman. I am still hangin’ here. You are such a goddamn tease. Don’t tell me ‘more later’ and then nothing… Put me out of my misery or I am gunna have to make up shit. And put your name on it.

    Kelley’s last blog post..I am going to hell. Alternative title ‘meet my new boyfriend’

  47. That was a really nice looking men’s room. Do they all look like that? I don’t think I’ve ever been in a men’s room, despite being called Kyle all through my childhood.

    I should totally get a confidence wig.

    Kylie’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday

  50. Wow – sure beats the “We’re here to talk about AMWAY” intro you gave at MDcQ I. Glad you guys made it out there and back OK, what with the drinking limits on the airplanes and such.

    But, the GUY’s bathroom? The heck, dude?

    BTW, hate to be a nag, but when can we expect an announcement re: TPFKA MDcQ III?

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..A message for those who would annoy me on Wordless Wednesday

  51. So, in the first picture, is the girl to your left dabbing your bosom? Because it looks like she’s blotting your chest with a tissue. But your face betrays this not at all. So either a) she’s not actually dabbing your boobies with a kleenex, it’s a trick of the camera angle or b) this is so ordinary for you that you can continue a conversation and have your picture taken while being dabbed.

    Cara’s last blog post..Speedbumps

  52. I don’t entirely remember what was happening there exactly but the chest dabber was awesome and had the most adorable Australian accent. I just wanted her to read to me all night and I think perhaps I may have asked her to. Or asked her to dab my chest. It’s all a blur.

  53. I don’t have a confidence wig but I do have sunglasses that make me invisible. I totally would have loaned them to you so you could be covert under-cover hostess of the party.

    CarolynOnline’s last blog post..Blue Monday.

  54. A new drink! The Confidence Wig!

    Two shots of whiskey in a Red Bull.

    My tongue feels blond and hairy already.

    You were fab. The curtains matched your…curtain.

  56. I couldn’t decide if you are the funniest woman I’ve ever come across, or totally out of your mind. Or Both. But in a good way.
    Either way? I wish I’d found the cajones to walk up and say hello. Or find you and Mocha when you were enjoying amaretto in the bathroom. I couldn’t drink amaretto, what with “fetal alcohol syndrome” being whispered in my ear by the spectre on my shoulder, but I would have smelled the bottles and maybe dabbed some on my neck- like perfume.
    Also I may have then tried to mug you for your spectacular green coat, but you would have forgiven me eventually.

    MeL’s last blog post..This Is Not The Post You’re Looking For.

  57. The video is the funniest thing I have seen in my life. Due to your inspiration, I am going out to buy a confidence beard!!! Cause I can’t grow one.

  62. I often go off page when speaking in public. I am think the confidence wig might be the answer for me.

  65. Wow, I have never heard of a confidence wig before but I just wanted to give you kudos for actually getting up there. You are to be applauded for that, great way to overcome your fears.

    Renee of Cutie Booty Cakes’s last blog post..A Poem

  69. Someone’s Following you on twitter, you turn around and BAM!!!! It’s your new favorite blog. You rock, sister. You can borrow some of my meds anytime.

  73. I love the shot of you and the curtain love affair. You rockstar. xo How did I miss out on quality bathroom time with you? 🙂

  77. Ooooooh. I’m with all the others, definitely getting a confidence wig and heading to BlogHer next year. I suspect that both of your parties were awesome, both the bathroom party and the official one. The pic of you and Mocha Mom on her site is sooooo fricking cute. Yeah!

    Rock and Roll Mama’s last blog post..Justin Timberlake has ADD/OCD- Swoon.

  78. Dude, is the woman powdering your chest superhuman? Is that a second arm? Or is it like the Bionic Woman in that episode where she fanned her hand over the cigarette in the car super fast to make it look like she smoked it?
    I missed your bewigged presentation I think you should get a Jessica Rabbit wig. It’d look great with the green coat.

    amanda’s last blog post..Journal of a Traveler

  79. Dude. I spent half of Guy Kawasaki’s party sobbing by the pool and then hiding out in his poolhouse. THEN I spent the rest of the conference bolting in restrooms and random hotel suites to either sob or hyperventilate. That is, when I wasn’t showing my tits. And I also saw the Backstreet Boys, and maybe also a unicorn or two. So you’re not alone.

    Mad love to you, sweetie. MAD LOVE.

    Her Bad Mother’s last blog post..Now The Party’s Over. I’m So Tired.

  82. I so would have hung out in the bathroom with you. I could have worn your wig, you could have tried on my tiara, and we could have powdered each others boobs all night. It would’ve been a blasty blast.

    The Introvert’s last blog post..vicious cycle

  84. I could like, totally, imagine the conversation you, like, had in the bathroom with those Backstreet Boys. 🙂 Wish we’d had a chance to spend some time together. I’d like to hear more about those “Riot Guns” sometime. By the way, I heard you only have Wisdom teeth on the bottom? Or was it the top? And yes, you are are the only one with a confidence wig. I generally wear my confidence penis when I need some extra help. That and some El Patron and I’m good to go. Bitch, you need to come to San Diego so we can raid Mexico together. The invite is always open.

    Oh and one more thing, I heard you only had 2 wisdom teeth, is this true?????

    Petite Gamine’s last blog post..I’ve been outed

  86. I think you looked smashing in your blonde wig. Or at least in the picture you did! And from the sound of the comments of those who actually met you there was nothing wrong with your performance. It sounds like you just kicked it up a notch which I’m sure is something all those BlogHer ladies were waiting for! Way to rock!

    Oh and thanks for you kind words on my new blog!

  87. I am jealous of all the fun that was had in that bathroom, but no like “oh, I want to kick those bitches asses” jealous. Just “darn! I missed out on some good times. I need to get to hooking so I can go party in the bathroom with Jenny next year.” Although I might not make it past the plane. Maybe Mrs. Flinger can help me with that part…she can be my seeing eye lady or my bitch slapper or something!

    PS – You look MAHVAHLOS DAHLING!

    Mrs. Tantrum’s last blog post..Almost Famous

  88. “I did a reading at the Community Keynote and (surprisingly) was the only one drinking heavily backstage and (unsurprisingly) was the only one who had to physically hang on to the stage curtain to keep from falling over because “the stage was slanty” (it wasn’t). ”

    A little confidence builder is excellent just before making an important speech!

    threio’s last blog post..Toucan Sam coming Home

  89. So THAT’S where you were. And you totally said “I’ll meet you in the bathroom” to me and it didn’t click that you ACTUALLY meant you’d meet me in the bathroom. What a moron I am.

    You were awesome, BTW.

    AMomTwoBoys’s last blog post..Sometimes Life Gets In The Way

  90. I laughed so hard I cried during your Community Keynote reading. You rock, big time. And you’re beautiful. I really wish I could have gone to the People’s Party & hung out with you and everyone else (or stood in a corner and felt like a dork, which is probably what would have happened), but I felt like I had to put my son to bed & hang out with my hubby, since he was taking my son to school, etc., so I could go to BlogHer. That’s the problem with BlogHer being in your hometown. That, and my life is run by guilt.

    (P.S. I’m sorry this comment isn’t funny or clever but I’m just in too much awe of you.) (P.P.S. Was that grammatical? I don’t think so. Oh well.)

    Cynthia’s last blog post..Just back from BlogHer ’08, and now have blogger’s block.

  91. Pingback: Glitter and Pretty Shoes | a question of perspective

  95. Okay, you were the high point of my night! You were absolutely hilarious and I blogged about you because I accidentally told the girl who tried to kill herself when she was 7 months pregnant that she was HILARIOUS because I thought it was you without the wig. It was embarrassing to say the least. Seriously, cunt is my favorite word and it just isn’t used enough for my taste!

    stefanie’s last blog post..Everyone Wants To Be Famous

  97. This post? Brilliant. And classy.

    What did I tell you? WHAT DID I TELL YOU…. your readers rock!

    And dammit if I missed the party with you and Mocha in the lav. The best time she and I ever had together was in a trunk… and there was no amaretto to be found within a hundred miles. Literally.

    Kristen’s last blog post..Cause people have so many things to say to me

  98. i can not wait to watch the video. my employer may or may not know that they pay me to not only plan weddings, but to read blogs too… however, i think they might notice something has gone awry if i start watching videos of drunken bloggesses at my desk.

    speaking of my job… my phone just rang and normally i’m supposed to say “private events, this is katie?”… but in the middle of saying it i thought how funny it would be if i said “private vaginas!” then i burst into laughter and couldn’t stop and i hung up in mid gasp. its truly amazing i have an actual job.

    katie’s last blog post..depression > grumpy

  99. You had me cracking up at your wonderful craziness. I have a friend who used to do peeing contests with her sisters and friends to see who could pee the farthest, when they were little girls. (kind of like boys aiming far) I always thought that was kind of funny until I read your post and learned that other women do the same thing. Priceless!

    Shoegirl’s last blog post..Order Your Bodega Party in a Box Today

  101. So what you are saying is that in order to be famous I have to be slightly wierd. Not fully, but just slightly.

    I hope the curtains smelled good.

  103. Who loves you, Bloggess? (Everyone.) Who told you everyone loves you? (I did.)

  105. Oh, god.

    Ok. First of all, your keynote was fucking awesome and hilarious.

    Second, it was totally the Backstreet Boys, and not just Nick Carter. Kevin was there too.

    Later they turned into the Yahoo boys who you abused at length for not knowing how to spell Bloggess.

    And I feel confident there was spillage at some point, but maybe I just wanted my photo taken with my hand on the Bloggess’s boobs. Who knows.

    Missy’s last blog post..My First Brush With Fame Award

  106. I’ve got it on video, too and I watched it every time I wish I wasn’t working! Since we are both in Houston, I’m pretty sure that drinks are in order. And I’m buying!

  107. you were by the far the best thing about the whole weekend. what a clusterfuckapalooza!

    at one point i tried to jump from my 9th floor hotel room but the window was painted shut. figures.

    don’t worry about the whole ‘confidence wig’ thing. i have a ‘confidence tampon’ that i only wear on days i feel insecure. i don’t know what’s wrong with it, but it’s getting to be a bitch, getting in and out.

    xo

    shauna’s last blog post..we are live people!

  108. One thing I’ve definitely discovered: Don’t believe the hype. But I believe in you, chica. You rule.

  109. This post is great!!! I appreciate the fact that you admit to being drunk in public, whilst addressing a LARGE crowd!!!
    Right on…
    Also checked out Good Mom/Bad Mom – I recently relo’d back to Houston from L.A.!!!
    P.S. thanks for the mention of us on!!! Mucho appreciated…
    j

  110. You look AWESOME! I am so jealous! (for many reasons) but I have “known” Aimee/GreebleMonkey for about 6 yrs and I still haven’t met her face to face.

    It looks like it was a BLAST!!!!!

    Any local get togethers in the works??

    Erica/TxGambit’s last blog post..I miss my babies!!!!!

  112. You met Missy from Australia! I love her!

    She totally just came up to my lonely table one day, plopped herself down and said “I’m Missy I love your blog” or words to that effect but I totally wasn’t paying attention because I was all “Did she come here all the way from Australia? That is some bloggy dedication. I almost couldn’t get myself on the train to come here this morning.”

    And she was awesome.

    Backpacking Dad’s last blog post..Why Not?

  113. I love that for all the people who’ve been “I hated blogher, no one talked to me, I didn’t make any friends, blah blah blah”, you’re holding court in the crapper.

    That’s seriously classic.

    Anissa@Hope4Peyton’s last blog post..A child died today

  116. But don’t they always say everyone always gravitates toward the washroom at parties? Oh, er, maybe it was the kitchen…. Oh, I don’t know. I’m drunk. Well, no I’m not. But, would like to be?

    Love the wig…! You look hawt!

    Haley-O’s last blog post..Why I Blog

  119. Ahhh bless her. There’s nothing wrong with touting around with a security blanket but maybe next time you could take something with you, something a tad smaller and more portable.
    Cheers

    Maddy’s last blog post..Pincer Grip

  120. I’ve never thought of buying a confidence wig. I usually buy red clothing to boost my confidence. Then I have a closet full of red clothing. OMG! I am my own therapist because I just realized that lately I have very few red clothes so I must be feeling pretty good.

    simplypink’s last blog post..feels something like summertime

  121. I just surfed over from amalah and read a bunch of your posts and I am now officially in love. In a non-threatening, I live thousands of miles away kind of way, of course. And that’s not just the wine talking. Mind you, it doesn’t usually talk. Usually it just sits there in the glass looking pretty until I drink it. So that’s how I know.

    Um… Where was I?

    Sallyacious’s last blog post..The Saddest News in the World

  122. My fave was the people at my table who had no clue who the fuck you were…

    They kept looking at me and asking if ‘you were for real!?’

    What could I say..I just read your blog!!

    I wish I had talked to you though…sigh

    crunchy carpets’s last blog post..Not About BlogHer..really

  125. Oh now see – I *knew* there was a reason I was sitting in the hallway outside the bathroom!! (I’m going to say it had to do with me mystically avoiding having my picture posted up there – but really it was because my feet hurt and I was cranky and those WEREN’T the Backstreet Boys – they were ostensibly ‘guys from Yahoo’ who were following @LauraLovesArt around like lovesick puppies!)

    Still, you are the rockinest!! Don’t you worry a thing about, well, a thing! We all adored you for being just exactly who you are! At least your neuroses are funny and entertaining – mine are just anti-social and kinda scary around the edges! 😉

    I’d party in any bathroom with you, any time. You are an amazing woman and I’m so thrilled I got to see you for real! Next year – screw the Peoples’ Party – we’ll have the Peoples’ Traveling Bathroom Parties – smaller venues for more agoraphobic BlogHers! 🙂

  126. See, you just should have come and hid in my room because I was trapped in there with a sleeping Faith – but somehow the bathroom looks more exciting.

    I have social anxiety disorder and I totally would have stood up to kick someone’s ass, but I probably would have fainted or vomited and it just would have made everything worse.

    Everyone loves you, except maybe hobbits who can’t differentiate between hobbits and fucking awesome hobbits – and we just don’t need that shit. We need xanax.

    I’m taking a confidence mustache next year.

    holli’s last blog post..The Sisterhood of BlogHer.

  128. Just so ya know, I LURVE you! You are funny and kind and you better keep on blogging!

    As for Blogher next year, you…me…and all the Celexa in the world! in the bathroom of course.

    Katrina’s last blog post..Protected: We have walking!

  132. Unless you don’t want to be impregnanted. Then you can just have some gum. Either one. Impregnation (?) or gum. Your choice. Also, I need to get some sperm.

  133. We eagerly await impregnation so that we may bear you a multitude of Tiny Bloggesses (not to be confused with Tiny Sasquatches).

    Ummm, wait right there for just a minute. I need to make an appointment for a womb transplant.

  135. Not that being impregnated by the Bloggess doesn’t sound AWESOME, I just don’t think the world is ready for that yet. So, I think I may just have to settle for the gum!

    Fuck, on second thought, I think I’ll take the impregnation. I’ve always wanted kids. 🙂

    Greis (Grace)’s last blog post..Like a Twinkie, but not…

  139. I can’t believe how many people came to my blog after your tweet. I’m not kidding, record day. On a day I thought nobody would come, you have no idea, I totally cried.

    You have fucking brilliant bizarro superpowers, you know that?

    HUGEST. HUG. EVER.

    Maggie, dammit’s last blog post..Is this thing on?

  142. Jenny: We need to have a drink together.
    Megan: Yes! At Ruby Skye tonight.
    Jenny: No. Right now in the bathroom.
    Megan: Um….
    Jenny: I have airplane bottles of booze in my bag right here. Let’s go.
    Megan: (stunned into amazed worship)

    No, I didn’t drink with you in the bathroom at the party, but drinking in the middle of the day with you and Mocha Momma was clearly the superior choice. I just had to bide my time.

    Seriously, I’ll never drink coffee without booze again. Ever. Such a waste of time.

    And just ditto everything everyone else has said. Crying laughing at the keynote. Velma from A Smeddling Kiss sat next to me and thought she would need her inhaler.

    Velveteen Mind – Megan’s last blog post..Like Tom Hanks but Without the Cash

  143. You are funny (I’m new here)…SHE is an untalented, one note hack. If SHE had written what you wrote (which, by the way, was not in any way insulting), SHE would have found it hilarious. If you really want to insult her, cut and paste a bunch of blog entries, “edit” them and call them a book (don’t forget to moan for months about how much work it is)! I’m sure yours would be more enjoyable to read.

  151. I’ve gotta get me one of them confidence wigs

    and the idea about hiding out in the mens room at BlogHer? sheer brilliance. I remembering that one. Of course, next year the mens room at blogher is going to be full of all of us who read this post and needed a time out.

    judy haley (coffeejitters)’s last blog post..The Best Use for Worn Out Panties

  152. Not only should you be allowed to mix with real people, I would highly recommend it. I know it’s hard sometimes, but think of it as altruistic. It’s not fair for Victor and Hailey to be the only ones exposed to your awesomeness!! That’s too much awesomeness to be contained!

    BTW…LOVING the dress!!

    JessicaC’s last blog post..Sleeping with Sock Monkeys…I’m Cheap!

  154. First off, i’m a complete newbie to the blogging scene, and I guess i’m a faker because I only have a food blog, but i have just discovered the fabulosity that is the bloggess and you my dear have muther fucking king kong size balls, and I would gladly lick them during my impregnation.

    that is all.

    Laura’s last blog post..Chocolate Mascarpone Cheesecake?

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  162. I was in the bathroom as you gave instructions as to how to pee standing up. I was trying so hard not to laugh because I thought it was a serious vid for something super important.

    I wish I’d known you were in there…I would have hid with you. Instead, I just left. It was way too packed and overwhelming. In a fabulous way, though!!!

    Christine’s last blog post..BlogHer recap #2: Or, the one about being got.

  164. I once wore a huge afro wig and danced on a bar while skinny assed drunk white guys shoved dollar bills in my ankle boots – can we be confidence wig friends????

    flybunny’s last blog post..The Day After

  165. I once wore a huge afro wig and danced on a bar while skinny assed drunk guys shoved dollar bills in my ankle boots – can we be confidence wig friends???? Because there was now way in hell that I would have done that sober or without a wig.

  170. I love your confidence wig. Could I use you as a case study at the next anxiety disorders conference? I’m thinking, “New and Fabulous Treatments for Social Anxiety: Confidence Wigs and Respit in the Men’s Restroom”

    Your blogher keynote address was hilarious. What I heard of it!

    phd in yogurtry’s last blog post..my favoritest, largest jewel

  171. I just wanted to say that you are awesome. I “get” your jokes, even if some people can’t laugh at themselves. You are beautiful inside and out (even though I’ve never met you).

  173. I loved the bathroom party with you. The Yahoo guys who followed my friend into the bathroom, not so much. But it was memorable.

    Your party rocked, and thrilled I actually got a picture with you before you high-tailed it to the loo.

    One complaint: the booze was gone by the time I got there from Guy’s. That sucked.

    And your comment about a tornado filled with glitter and pretty shoes? Frickin’ brilliant. You have more talent in your little finger than many have in their whole blog. If they be hatin…ignore it.

    T.

    TLC@SendChocolate’s last blog post..Yes, But Does It Come With a Wardrobe?

  174. If it helps at all, I found you fairly charming, even in the bathroom. Though I do not own a confidence wig, one of my blogher roommates does. I tried it on but found it reduced my confidence. Maybe that has something to do with my super dark eyebrows clashing with the blond wig.

    nonlineargirl’s last blog post..Dear Friends

  175. What can I say that 170 people didn’t say before me?

    I’ll admit, I didn’t really “get you” at first. I thought you just really loved the spotlight or something. The last keynote drama was weird, but I didn’t know the whole story.

    And when I heard about the anxiety thing… well, I also have mega anxiety and I can tell you that I don’t think I have the balls to get on a stage and do what you did, wig or no wig.

    Plus I vaguely recall having a wicked drunken convo with you on a random street corner after the Mighty Haus party and I think that’s when I decided I wanted to have your babies. Plus your green opera coat thingy was spectacular. So glad you didn’t stay home.

  176. I can’t believe you own a confidence wig. You kill me. Oh goodness.

    I *heart* you. And feel free to call me a hobbit any day. Although we’ve met in person, so I guess I’m not an awesome mythical creature, am I? Damn.

  178. Pingback: the calm before the stork » blog identity crisis

  180. That convention sounds like it was fun. I’m reading this months later, as I just found your blog last week through Antonia at Whooppee–but you know that, ’cause you commented on the post where I linked to you. (And, now that I’ve spent the better part of a week reading you, I know that the term for that is “kawasakied.”)

    I’m not part of BlogHer and I’ve never been to one of their conventions, but I’m beginning to think I should both join and go. I saw that Philadelphia is in the running for the next site. Fingers crossed, ’cause I live near there and could maybe browbeat/wheedle/cajole/bribe my sister and another friend who live near there to come with me.

    –V’s last blog post..Avalanche!

  181. Pingback: Do nudists wear shoes? More from my searchers. at Jenny On the Spot

  183. First of all, I know it’s cheesy, but I love you and your blog.
    The video of you speaking was really shocking or maybe just mildly shocking. But anyway, I was really surprised by your um. . . valley girl accent. I think you should consider investing in a brunette “confidence wig” to balance things out a bit.
    .-= Hillsy´s last blog ..Myspace Stalking/ Keeping up with Friends =-.

  184. Pingback: Free booze. — TheBloggess.com
  185. Pingback: Part two: The Stanley Hotel (or Why Ghost Hunters should hire me as a permanent member of their team.) — TheBloggess.com

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