UPDATED: This is a whole post explaining why this post is not funny at all

Remember last year when I wrote that post about mistaking a photo of premature baby feet for delicious raspberry gummi bears and people saw the photo and thought I’d posted a picture of dismembered baby feet and so I had to go back and clarify that the baby was totally fine and I was all “Seriously guys, no matter how dark my sense of humor is I can assure you that I will never post fucked-up shit like dismembered baby feet to make you laugh because that’s fucking insane” and then I had to actually add a tag to my blog called “NOT dismembered baby feet” which is pretty much the most embarrassing disclaimer to ever have to make about your writing.

Well today I almost posted a photo of this monster that washed up on the beach in New York and I had some devastating funny moderately amusing quips about it being another tiny sasquatch or possible an R.O.U.S but before I finished my post some experts started saying that it’s probably a drowned dog and so I’m dusting off the “No Dismembered Baby Feet Or Other Fucked-Up Shit Clause” here so I can save you the emotional turmoil of having to stare in awe at a totally cool monster which we may later find out is a totally decomposing dog.  Unless you want to stare at it, in which case it’s right here, you sick, wonderful freaks.

And speaking of things which are supposed to be funny but fail miserably, did you read that the University of Wolverhampton (this is a real place) recently published an article about the oldest recorded joke in the world?  It was told by the Sumerians in 1900 BC and goes like this:

“Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband’s lap.”

Um.  What? 

I don’t even understand the sentence structure.  Something that never happened is that a young woman never farted?  Isn’t that a double negative?  Wouldn’t one negative cancel out the other?  Then the joke would be “Something that did happen: Some chick farted on her husband’s lap.”

Which actually?  Is kinda funny.  I actually giggled when I typed that. 

Touché, Sumerians.  4000 years later and it’s still fresh.


PS.  I told my coworker that scientists had discovered the world’s oldest joke and he told me not to tell him the punchline and ruin it for him.  I was all “It’s fucking four THOUSAND years old, DJ.  I don’t think it qualifies for a spoiler alert warning.”  Then he put his fingers in his ears and yelled “Lalalalala!” and ran away before I could tell him the joke, which, in all fairness, I probably would have fucked up anyway.

UpdateAdditional pictures of the dog monster have turned up which help to explain absolutely nothing and might make you throw up a lot.

Comment of the day: If it starts out “A Phonecian walked into a bar…” I’ve heard it. ~ Apathy Lounge

140 replies. read them below or add one

  1. I want to know what THE FUCK that thing is.

    Maria’s last blog post..Tenderhearted.

  2. Using the principle of Occam’s Razor (All other things being equal, the simplest solution is the best) it’s fairly certain that it’s some sort of griffin.

  3. What the frick is that thing!? OMG It’s like burned into my retinas now! I must know!

    Jia@ColorMeUntypical’s last blog post..Tales from the Kitchen

  4. There’s no way in hell that’s a dog. It doesn’t look like a dog. It looks like some hybrid, creepy thang (Texas speak) y’know.
    It’s like Griffin, meets turtle, meets dinosaur thingy. But Griffin certainly fits. WEIRD.
    You know I so jumped right to that link.

    I wasn’t blogging last year, so I have no clue what you’re talking about. But believe that I’ll be going to read it.

    rachel’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: Monkey Style

  5. Oldest joke in the world and it’s a fart joke. Why am I not the least bit surprised?

  6. I didn’t look at the maybe-monster-dog thing. I believe I chose wisely.

    I don’t get the joke. My kids fart on my lap all the time and it’s hardly ever funny.

    Carolyn…Online’s last blog post..Guest Post #4

  7. I was reading about the creature earlier. The beak. It’s the beak that gets me.

    PS Did you read the part on Gawker where they said some guy took it to mount on his wall? How very Texas.

    Jessica’s last blog post..UPDATED: WTF Wednesday: Our AC is dead edition

  8. Eew. I’m glad I didn’t click over seeing the reactions. Some thing are better left unseen.

    Headless Mom’s last blog post..For The Love of My Life

  9. You rock my world in ways I cannot comprehend and that leave me feeling slightly confused and violated.

    This post is the epitome of why I read your blog on a regular basis. Thanks for bringing so much laughter to my normally mundane life!

    Mandy’s last blog post..Topic Trouble

  10. Oh no, Headless Mom you really have to see it. Seriously. Of course, I am one of the aforementioned freaks, so, maybe you shouldn’t listen to me.

    I was all ready to vote ROUS but then someone mentioned beak and now I’m forced, FORCED to go look again.

    And the joke? Is that like a satirical commentary on feminity? Did I just totally fck that up by injecting seriousness in? I did didn’t I? Damnit, I AM a dork!

    Maggie’s last blog post..Glimpses

  11. Oh, it’s so obvious. It’s a Sumerian wife farting on her husband’s lap. Geez, people, look at its ass.

  12. Dude, that’s the sickest thing I’ve ever seen. Seriously. And “sick” in a vomiting-my-last-seven-meals kind of way, not a “phat,” “bad-ass,” or “mad cool” kind of way. But I found an image that makes a very good case that it’s a raccoon. Puts my mind at ease.

  13. The washed up “dog” is probably a Photoshop project made by some 8th grader during study hall. That kids is totally laughing at those scientists right now.

    Diane’s last blog post..Some days

  14. Mother Teresa NEVER talked about dismembered babies. Or ROUS’s. But maybe she did talk just a little bit about farting Sumerians.

    Middle-Aged-Woman’s last blog post..A Perfect Shoulder Spoiled

  15. I’m going to go ahead and guess that the joke was written by a man. Makes no sense but farts at the end.

    Overflowing Brain’s last blog post..Wedding part 9: The Outtakes

  16. It’s a well known fact that the Sumarians were the worst lapdancers in history. That explains why you don’t see them around much at strip clubs.

    will betheboy’s last blog post..Keeping in Touch

  17. 1) The picture- Nope. Not a dog. No way, no how. Uh uh.

    2) The joke… I had to read it like 3 times before I finally got it. It’s amazing that even 4,000 years ago farts were funny. I might be over sharing but, well, farts ARE funny.

    Jen W’s last blog post..There’s a party over there

  18. What the hell? Now I’m going to have nightmares about that thing. What kind of ugly-ass dog did that used to be?

    Jill (CDJ)’s last blog post..Sometimes it pays to lose your shit

  19. As I said on Twitter last night, someone found Madonna’s SOUL.

    Because it’s got too much girth to be a dead Amy Winehouse even though it’s ugly and dirty enough. (Oh it’s funny – she isn’t dead – yet, anyway)

    I have no disclaimer for my comments, FYI.

    Karen Sugarpants’s last blog post..Breaking Dawn

  20. We call the Montauk Monster “Mo” around here, and sometimes Corothers.

    I’m totally going to tell everyone I know that joke. And I’ll do that thing where while I’m telling it, I’m laughing so hard just thinking about it and everyone will be expecting hilarity and then WHAM! Mass confusion. Maybe I’ll throw in a fart.

  21. Mega-squid have been washing up on our shores down here lately, but, man, that thing takes the cake.

    I wonder if it’ll be DNA tested? Because now I’ll forever be wondering what the hell it is.

    Karen Andrews (miscmum)’s last blog post..No apologies, only anachronisms

  22. Karen, please tell me where you live so I can never, never, ever go there.

    Now excuse me while I go crawl and hide under my table.

  23. Wow, what an interestingly UGLY creature.

    Glad I didn’t find it washed up somewhere, because that would be DISTURBING!

    Greis (Grace)’s last blog post..Like a Twinkie, but not…

  24. If it starts out “A Phonecian walked into a bar…” I’ve heard it.

    apathy lounge’s last blog post..DON’T UNDERESTIMICATE ME…and other tidbits from the last week of my life

  25. Well sheesh Jenny! Thanks. I’ve gone 4 gazillion years without haven’t that joke ruined for me, and now this! You could’ve posted a spoiler alert. 😉

    Shania’s last blog post..Proof that your haircut sucks

  26. I’m skeeved out all over again thinking about that creature. It looks like my brother in law on his bathroom floor after his bachelor party.

    Mary’s last blog post..Not the Palmer Method

  27. I’m skipping the dog/griffin picture. Sounds horrid and it’s been a long day. But, the oldest fart joke in the world was awesome.

    anymommy’s last blog post..Just One Year

  28. I don’t know what that thing is,but I am never getting in the water again anywhere.

    brittany’s last blog post..Where’s my wingman?

  29. Screw your post. Your use of Occam’s Razor (All other things being equal, the simplest solution is the best), proves you are either the coolest chick online or a big fan of “House.”

    always home and uncool’s last blog post..The Company You Keep

  30. that joke isn’t 4 thousand years old; it was written by a 4 year old, probably mine. or her dad.

    Wendy’s last blog post..Project Runway notes, or Tim in da hood

  31. The monster actually looks to be one of Britney Spears children if she had full custody of it. *insert bad joke drum crash*

    Shamelessly Sassy’s last blog post..FreeBoobin’

  32. That is the physical manifestation of my mother in law’s evilness. Or, how she looks in the morning without her makeup on.

    heather spohr’s last blog post..If You’re Happy And You Know It

  33. i have been following this monster-dog-turtle-raccoon since day one. i can NOT get enough of it. so dudes? the piece of fabric tied around the forearm (paw/claw)??? i’m thinking some ancient Kabbalah shit, no?

    ms picket to you’s last blog post..More Wikkid Smaht Kids

  34. 34
    Just A. Reader

    Isn’t that a still capture from the Verne Troyer (Mini-Me) sex tape?

  35. Well, if I didn’t have you looking out for my best interests, than who would?

  36. Dude, people said fart back then?

    THAT is awesome.

    flutter’s last blog post..adventures in interviewing

  37. It’s a dog that has been shaved by occam’s razor.

  38. I used to be paid to write fart jokes. I now use that as my measuring stick for any possible employment.

    the slackmistress’s last blog post..On Open Letter to Daisy the Wonderdog.

  39. I think your interpretation of the joke is great. And it’s prolly way older than 4000 years old since THEY talk about time immemorial, no?

    Nora Bee’s last blog post..The Bees are back from the mountains

  40. The dog/turtle/griffin/raccoon thing has a rag around its wrist; was this a gang shooting? The real questions should be, what color was that rag originally. That we tell those investigators all they need to know.
    People really farted 4000 years ago? I guess I never thought about that, I wonder if they said “excuse me” or “I let a little stinker go” or something of the like. Oh to be a fly on the mud wall. A fly that could live forever and read and write that is.

  41. There are not forces of darkness strong enough to make me view the gang-victim griffin-dog.

    To make your post topics somewhat related, my dogs like to fart near my husband’s lap.

    houndrat’s last blog post..I Got Published, and A Day in the Life of Fergie

  42. Okay, so I lied.

    And did anyone notice that damn creepy bird-dog hybrid appears to be flipping us all off?

    houndrat’s last blog post..I Got Published, and A Day in the Life of Fergie

  43. You found my TROLL! Jenny! I lurve you.

    She totally looks like that you know. Slap some Crocs on that bitch and it could totally have it’s own memey blog.

    Kelley’s last blog post..Sights and smells in the local supermarket.

  44. It looks like a cross between a plucked chicken and a dinosaur.

    Lawyer Mama’s last blog post..Mommy Blogging and BlogHer ’08

  45. So basically all young women 4,000 years ago farted in their husband’s’ lap? Bwuahahaha! *tear* Ahhhh marriage…

  46. So, actually what happens when those negatives collide is the creation of a Universal Quantifier: not “some chick farted in her husband’s lap”, but “all chicks fart in their husband’s lap”.

    Which shouldn’t be read as “all chicks fart in the same guy’s lap”, but “for every chick, there is a guy in whose lap she farts”.

    Ha ha. Ha?

    See, that’s why you shouldn’t explain jokes. They just aren’t funny once the Universal Quantifier gets involved.

    Backpacking Dad’s last blog post..Getting to Know Your Local Redneck

  47. you always find the coolest stuff.

    i’m quite excited about it being a monsters, b/c now i can tell my mother that MONSTERS ARE IN FACT, REAL!

    piglet’s last blog post..this post wasn’t exactly what i thought it was going to be

  48. What the hell IS that thing? Some kind of cross between a dog and ??? The fact there’s an animal testing lab nearby is extra creepy – it’s like an episode from X-Files or something, but no beefcake to make it more palatable.
    Sigh…Ah Dave, how I miss you!

    we_be_toys’s last blog post..The Writing’s On The Wall

  49. And I thought my nightmares were going to be about the scorpion I just killed. (Note to self: Read The Bloggess in the morning.)

    Now I have to go look up what the fuck a griffin is.

    Jennifer H’s last blog post..Inkblot

  50. Also,

    Missy and SuperTiff have been quoting your keynote all night. Like, those things are fricking nimble. Did I dream you?

    We love you.

    supertiff’s last blog post..I slept with SuperTiff last night

  51. Okay, I was going to try and post something witty but the comment from apathy lounge made me laugh too hard and now I can’t challenge it:

    “If it starts out “A Phonecian walked into a bar…” I’ve heard it.”

    I’m voting for the R.O.U.S’s though. That thing is creepy and probably related to my boss.

  52. I am totally freaked out and fascinated by that thing. I hope they figure out what it is.

    Bri’s last blog post..Naked Mondays # 20 Let’s Talk About a Fall Wardrobe, Shall We?

  53. I’m relieved to know that I’m not the only one farting in my husband’s lap.

    And that critter…does look like some lab has been doing some freaky animal testing. I don’t think I want to know.

    JCK’s last blog post..I’ve got to zip up those old suitcases and toss them into unclaimed baggage

  54. Oh holy mother of sam, I may not sleep tonight with that luscious visual in my head.

    Also may not want to know what horrible pain the gassy chick had to sustain to NOT fart in old hubby’s lap.

    May not want a lot of things you have thrown at me today, DAMN Google reader.

    Anissa@Hope4Peyton’s last blog post..All About Sleeping With Pete

  55. It’s a Chupacabra. They’ve just migrated north.

    Kylie’s last blog post..BIG Visitor Revealed!

  56. I’m just taking a random guess, but I suppose that most people who read this entry clicked on the link to see the monster/dog/whatever.

    I think saying “don’t” and adding a link is reverse psychology at its best.

    Raz’s last blog post..So Long, Farewell

  57. I think I saw that thing lying in the men’s room at the blogher convention last week.

    Karyn’s last blog post..A Journey Through Time

  58. That creature is the most whacked thing I’ve seen in a long, well, maybe ever.
    I think you could have made an ROUS reference without people thinking you thinking a drowned dog is funny.

    People need to chill the fuck out.

    Sunshine’s last blog post..Lake Michigan – Unsalted!

  59. I’m going turtle without a shell even though I’d prefer something cooler like sea monster. And maybe it’s too early, but are your comments looping?

    Captain Dumbass’s last blog post..Guess Who? It’s Friday!

  60. Dude, it must be too early for me too because I don’t even know what that means. What does “comments looping” look like?

  61. I just spit out my mouthful of oatmeal when i looked at that picture. I was bracing myself for an emotionally devastating picture of someone’s dead puppy, and instead I opened the window and WTF??? IN WHAT WAY does that AT ALL resemble a dog?! It has a BEAK! I’m so horrified.

    Kimmers’s last blog post..Sweet, blissful sleep…

  62. 62
    Mike Marshall

    He’s not dead…..he’s pinin’ for the fjords. I watched your video from blogher…….you a fucking hilarious! Peace, Mike.

  63. I can’t tell if that joke is funny or not, and I’m really unclear on the concept of how anyone figured out that husband’s lap farting was a popular joke meme thousands of years ago… But what I do know is that next time I fart on someone’s lap I can tell them not to fret about it, it’s been happening since time began.

    Noelle’s last blog post..Good Blogkeeping

  64. Saw that on the news last night…I waited up to see it..since it’s close to home and all…I still don’t know what the hell????

    The Laundress’s last blog post..How we fell in love….part three. Haiku Scouting.

  65. Fart jokes HAVE always been funny. Here I was thinking I’m immature for laughing at farts.

  66. My blog has just been flagged as potential spam, so I may need the disclaimer that I’m not “irrelevant, repetitive, or nonsensical”. (Although, maybe I am.) I’m pretty sure your disclaimer about baby feet is way less embarrassing.

    Despite any disclaimers you may have (or maybe because of them), you’re my favorite blog, even better than Dooce. Because you’re twisted in a way that I really admire. And this post proves it.

    Wendy’s last blog post..My New Machine

  67. people are so racist. a man can’t even eat premature baby feet any more.

    furiousball’s last blog post..CSI Medford Lakes and a pedicure

  68. You had me at gummy bears, but I’m scared to look at that link with this sloshy hangover in my stomach. I’ll try to be brave later…

    Jacquie’s last blog post..unaccompanied minors

  69. Okay, first? That thing is gross.

    Second, I am a [sort of] young [though not by Sumerian standards, I’m sure] woman and I’d like to point out that I do not lead our household in fart production. That honor goes to someone else. Someone with a Y chromosome.

    Sexist, ignorant Sumerians. They should have read more Feministing and Broadsheet. Pssh.

    ali’s last blog post..The Serenity Prayer

  70. “Touche, Sumerians.”

    I love you.

    Maggie, dammit’s last blog post..Last night

  71. The funniest part about farting is not the actual fart but the reaction and look of mortification that is plastered all over the person’s face.

    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..My Girls

  72. Love you for Occams. We all fart in our husbands’ laps, the age of this joke proves it once and for all.

    Holy fuckstress on that creature.

    Ann’s last blog post..I’m The IT Girl, AGAIN!

  73. Thank you for the nightmares 🙁

  74. I don’t fart in my husband’s lap because, truthfully, it would please him too much. He’s constantly slightly hiking his leg, pointing his index finger as though its a gun and then letting one rip. My sons giggle in utter delight. In fact, they’ve now embraced their genetic love of all ass noises so much that we have to rewind the part of the Garfield movie were he lets a poot like 10 times before they agree to let the movie continue.

    shonda little’s last blog post..Taking Hurricane Haven Inside the Salty Dog Saloon

  75. I can’t bear to look at whatever it is-dog or monster. Sometimes you scare me-in a good way.

    Mrs. G.’s last blog post..Eleven Signs That Mrs. G. is Smack in the Middle of Mom-o-Pause

  76. That is a creepy ass “monster” type creature.

    The Diva’s Thoughts’s last blog post..Can Someone Call Jerry Springer?

  77. R.O.U.S’s that is a f-ing riot! I so want you as a BFF. You know though…put some fur on that loch ness monster looking thing and you would have a R.O.U.S. Now excuse me while I go look for that six fingered man.

    Jenn’s last blog post..Sticking My Tongue Out To The World

  78. I thought that joke was HYSTERICAL, just my 2 cents.

    Miss Grace’s last blog post..Playful banter, literally.

  79. Dude. I saw that picture yesterday because my husband is into all that “conspiracy” stuff. They’re saying it’s a raccoon now too… all I’m saying is, if it’s a dead dog or other animal, let it be – the poor thing’s obviously already been through enough already… below is the link el husbando sent to me if you care to read the story:


    Sensitiva McFeelingsly’s last blog post..Back in Action!

  80. Ewww, that thing was gross!

    And I did read that story about the joke. I think I linked to it from msn.com. That’s funny…. not the joke… but that there is a joke that frickin’ old.

    Bekah’s last blog post..Spiedie Fest is here!!!

  81. I totally saw that washed up thing yesterday.

    And I totally remember the post about the gummi bear baby feet.

    And I totally don’t know why I keep saying totally.


    Tracey’s last blog post..How My Husband Makes My Heart Pitter Patter- A Photo Essay of Sorts

  82. I do not think that is a dog. Great link though! I always have to look!

    Alisha’s last blog post..Haiku Friday: Our Girls

  83. R.O.U.S. is EXACTLY what that thing looks like that, and I wish I’d thought of it. All I could think of when I saw it on the news was “prehistoric creature” or “fake a la Roswell.” You’re much more creative than me.

    P.S. Props to you & this on my post today.

    MommyTime’s last blog post..Animal Truths: Far Stranger than Fiction

  84. You are being featured on Five Star Friday:

    schmutzie’s last blog post..50×365 #314: Lisa

  85. Ok..maybe the Summerians were uptight..and this is the oldest recorded..can you imagine the fart jokes in the stinky cave of some neanderthals??

    Anyway..and that is some freaky monster..check THIS one out…not dead…


    crunchy carpets’s last blog post..Nintendo and a Rainy Afternoon (and why I can’t see late movies anymore)

  86. I don’t know what that hideous creature is, but I got this in my box this morning – another sasquatch?


    phd in yogurtry’s last blog post..the race card? really?

  87. Dude, can someone people figure out what the hell that thing is? WTF!?!

  88. 88
    I can't read my nametag

    A cursory read of your posts might lead readers to presume that you tend toward random musings prompted by wayward firing of unrelated synapses. However, after mulling over the content of this most recent post, I think I have found the Rosetta Stone* that ties all of your posts together (I mean, in addition to the gut-bustingly funny writing): zombies. (Surely no one is surprised by my discovery.)

    This is sort of like one of those “six degrees of separation” things, except instead of Kevin Bacon, everything Bloggess ties back to zombies.

    Let’s start with the Montauk monster. Did you notice the creature’s right…um…hand? It’s giving us the finger. That’s because the creature isn’t really dead. Well, it is dead, but in an undead sorta way. (The brain…you have to shoot it in the brain! Why do people not know this?)

    Now, let’s look at the Sumerians. Yeah, they’re noted for development of an early form of writing (Cuneiform) and may have invented the wheel (a circular device worshipped by Pat Sajak), but get this: they believed the afterlife involved a descent into a gloomy netherworld (ie: George Bush’s America) to spend eternity (ie: a Very Long Time) in a wretched existence (ie: rotting flesh, exposed skeletal features and spotty Internet access) as a “gidim,” a ghost-like being who was liable to persecute (ie: eat) those still in the land of the living.

    Sumerians were the first zombies.

    Just for fun, go back and read that joke again, this time picturing zombie Sumerians instead of regular Sumerians doing the telling. Is there anything funnier than a Sumerian zombie wife farting on her Sumerian zombie husband’s lap?

    I don’t think so.

    *No, you’re thinking of Rosa Parks. The Rosetta Stone was an actual stone tablet that gave linguists the key to solving hieroglyphic writing. Rosa Parks, on the other hand, was an African American civil rights activist.

    [Yes, Jenny, I know my comments are always excruciatingly long. Feel free to edit this one if I’m sucking up too much bandwidth. Something along the order of “Run for your life! That dead dog is a fucking Sumerian zombie!” should suffice. Thanks.]

  89. That thing is nasty and appears to have been alive the same time as that joke was being told. Are you sure the picture was real and not doctored?

  90. I think I’m the only one who feels sorry for the Montauk Monster! I bet (s)he ran (crawled? sidled? flew?) for his/her life from the torture (s)he endured on nearby Plum Island only to hit the water and discover that (s)he couldn’t swim. Poor bastard (bitch). I wonder if we’ll ever find out what it is.

    For the record, I would give an eye tooth for some raspberry gummi bears. Does such a thing exist?

    Jennifer’s last blog post..Crisis Averted! How I Narrowly Avoided a Humiliating Demise on Sunday Afternoon

  91. I hope it’s NOT a dog or a racoon…I sort of wish it was a monster…somehow a dead monster is a lot easier to deal with than a dead dog/racoon

    gingela5’s last blog post..Hangin’ Tough…

  92. I didn’t go through all the replies but that Amazon tribe pic was found to be a hoax.

    And what was funnier than the oldest joke was the oldest British joke:

    “The oldest British joke dates back to the 10th Century, and uses the traditional question and answer format to suggestively poke fun at Anglo-Saxon men.

    “What hangs at a man’s thigh and wants to poke the hole that it’s often poked before? A key.”

    groovehouse’s last blog post..Skate Houston

  93. I wont look in case it is a dog and it makes me cry like a little bitch, but your post itself made me laugh.

  94. that can’t be approved by NYC’s health inspectors, can it? Then again, it does look kinda Gotham-like.

  95. Okay, yep totally a dog, still sticking with the fact that this is gang related. BTW -that site, fucking awesome…I couldn’t stop clicking…

  96. To truly understand the beauty of this joke we need to erase 4,000 years of comedy evolution. In simpler times, a multiple negative ITSELF was probably shoot-ambrosia-out-your-nose funny.

    “Hey, guess what! you are not not not a fat slob!”

    “(thinking… thinking) OH! HAHAHAHAHAHA! OMG you are SO funny!”

    BusyDad’s last blog post..That Blogger Convention… No Not THAT One!

  97. I have to tell my MIL that joke. She remains unconvinced that farts are funny. A 4000 year old joke cannot be wrong. I enjoy proving her wrong.

    Tootsie Farklepants’s last blog post..So This Should Make Up for all Those Reasons I was Slated for Hell

  98. Why is it wearing a bracelet?

    The Introvert’s last blog post..self love

  99. I posted earlier, and now I’m posting again, because in the previously posted picture of the heinous dog/griffin/zombie nastiness, I did not have a heinous dog/griffin/zombie nastiness PENIS STARING AT ME….

    Mandy’s last blog post..Ranks Right Up There

  100. I was hoping you would post the photo of the monster! (give me a break, that is NOT a dog!! Nor is it an otter) I saw it and was like “what the fuck!” but then I was like “awesome!!” I’m a weirdo, I know.

    If you think you are bad at telling jokes, look at it this way: those dum ass translators messed up the sentence structure (you are not supposed to translate stuff literally, like, EVER!) so they are the ones who messed up the joke.

    I know, because I’m a translator. Although I’ve never translated from Sumerian, to be completely honest.

    Elisa’s last blog post..Here’s some cool stuff for you. Wanna buy me something pretty?

  101. I’m guessing double negatives must have been acceptable grammar in their language, because otherwise it would be less a joke and more of an attempt to console the poor sack that ruined at least one night of her honeymoon.

    LiteralDan’s last blog post..A conversation with D-: Party every day

  102. What in the crap is R.O.U.S? I googled it, and I found Robots of Unusual Strength, but for some reason I don’t think that’s it.

    What in the crap is that picture? Why in the crap is it flipping me off? And why in the crap can’t I click on the second link?

    I think it’s all a conspiracy. Including that “joke.”


    tela’s last blog post..Friday Finds – August 1, 2008

  103. I love that the dead monster is flipping us the bird. It goes with it’s birdy beaky thing.

    Christine’s last blog post..When in Rome?

  104. Seriously, that does not look like any dog I’ve ever seen.

    And before anyone ask, yeah I have seen a lot of dead fucking dogs, okay?

    michellew’s last blog post..Showers of happiness…

  105. That joke is fucking lame.

    (This coming from the same woman who says, every time we pass a cemetery, “I hear people are just DYING to get in there.” It’s like a compulsion at this point.)

    bejewell’s last blog post..10 Lies I Told This Week (and the secret truths behind them)

  106. um, that does not look like a dog to me, and I don’t care what these so called ‘experts’ say! I think it is a baby alien dinosaur monster bird.

    Rachael’s last blog post..Haiku Friday: A Burning Mess

  107. EWWWW! Where do you find shit like that? It’s a secret club, isn’t?

    slackermommy’s last blog post..One year ago today

  108. Tootsie,
    Your MIL is unconvinced while my MIL is the fart cheerleader ’round here. Such is the comedy of life, eh?

    shonda little’s last blog post..Taking Hurricane Haven Inside the Salty Dog Saloon

  109. Um, EWW? But of course I followed the links, anyway! Poor, poor dead dog.

    Andrea’s Sweet Life’s last blog post..Work Related Injuries

  110. I don’t know what to comment since there are like a million comments aleady, but I’m so entertained by you that it would suck for me not to say something. So there.

    Stefanie’s last blog post..Sadie Update

  111. Can you provide us with some more archaic jokes? Their humor could be intriguing…

    I need a dream interpreter…’s last blog post..Paradoxical sleep…

  112. It’s some kind of genetic experiment gone wrong. Don’t you people watch The X-Files???

    Izzy’s last blog post..Rain Shmain

  113. Now if some child did not fart on her mother’s lap during storytime and fully giggle about it, THAT woudl be something… Anyone? Oh, just me? Never mind, then.

    kittenpie’s last blog post..Sweat

  114. Jenny, what are you smoking? And, why do I feel like I need a drink…or a bath…after this post? Hmm.

    Anyway, happy weekend. PS. are you plurking yet?

    The Pear Lady’s last blog post..Another something to do on the Internet

  115. If I do it right you should always feel like you need a shower after my posts. I’m helping the world get cleaner, one dead dog photo at a time.

    PS. I will never plurk. What’s plurk?

  116. Thanks for the ROUS explanation.

    Now I gotz one for you! Plurking is like twittering. But a little bit more confusing and annoying.


    tela’s last blog post..Friday Finds – August 1, 2008

  117. I just had to look. Unfortunately I went to state fair today and cotton candy, funnel cake, and deep fried cheese curds are seriously rioting in my stomach right now.

    New Duck’s last blog post..Dinner

  118. 119
    Just A. Reader

    More ancient humor:

    Why did the serpent cross the Nile?

  119. originally we thought it might have been a turtle separated from it’s shell but the new pics look more dog like

    fidget’s last blog post..It Feels Good

  120. It is a dog-bird-rat. WTF?

    Kyla’s last blog post..So this is what happened…

  121. Deeply cool monster. Yes, I’m one of the staring freaks.

    Janine’s last blog post..Tag, I’m it

  122. My hubby thinks it’s a pig. Of course, sometimes I think he’s a pig so that evens out right? The monster explanation is much cooler.

    tela: The R.O.U.S thing is from The Princess Bride. Love that movie!

  123. So you’re not going to share the 4000 year old joke with non co workers?

    Maddy’s last blog post..15 years in a nutshell [ish]

  124. I would totally vote for R.O.U.S., but.. dude.. is that a BEAK?? Ick.

    PunkOnFire’s last blog post..Anberlin – ‘The Unwinding Cable Car’

  125. Love the Princess Bride shout out. And, umm…not sure about the joke being funny as written. Those Sumerians. They just didn’t know how to have a good laugh.

    Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..The Penned Word

  126. I feel so uncool because I didn’t know the Princess Bride reference.

    It’s quite embarassing.

    tela’s last blog post..Friday Finds – August 1, 2008

  127. What really makes that joke funny is that “lap” is Sumerian for “nose” (the Sumerians had a different understanding of anatomy than we do.)

    Just kidding, of course.


    Ed T.’s last blog post..Gaining a new perspective

  128. Seriously though.. the Montauk Monster is fu(king scary.

    And to think I was in Montauk the weekend before. I would have screamed all the way back to Manhattan if I was the one who found it. Uh uh, no sir, no way, no how.

    veep veep’s last blog post..G is for Grandma

  129. Where the crap have you gone? This non-posting for three days. is bullcrap.

    Hope everything is ok IRL and that you’re just being lazy.

    SpondyGirl’s last blog post..Tiny speed bumps.

  130. Maybe it’s because I’ve never seen a dead body before (yay!) but that new set of photos looks like a total photochop.

    Jessica’s last blog post..UPDATED: WTF Wednesday: Our AC is dead edition

  131. You are a master criminal and I want to be in your fiendish cabal . You DO have a cabal don’t you? The fiendish kind? No? Well, if you’ll just allow me to cut & paste your blog directly into my blog, we’re square and we won’t have to have that knife fight after all.


    Dr. Ding’s last blog post..Fear Is The Mindkiller*

  132. okay, but if i found this whole thing to be hysterical, what does that say about me? oh, and can we please make this all about me?,kn

    liv’s last blog post..oh, my…

  133. My whole life is judged in total number of unfunny moments. Much like how my dog keeps track of the passing days by the number of beatings she receives.

    Spamboy’s last blog post..Saint September

  134. I have become what I sneered at…

    By Jenny (bloggess & mom of 3.5 year old) Remember last week how I made fun of the Sumerians for making sophmoric fart jokes and then the very next day I wrote a fart joke laden post and now today……

  135. yep, you’re my fav new blogger find

    loudange’s last blog post..The CSS Show – Last Night

  136. 137
    Just A. Reader

    More non-explanations of the creature.

  137. OMG! Cracking up here!!!

    amelia bedelia’s last blog post..My Olympic Obsession

  138. what the??

  139. 140

    I am super late to the party but found this when looking up stuff on that joke. I’d like to extend an extra tidbit – ‘lap’ sometimes was a euphemism for genitals in Assyrian contexts, and thus I theorize the joke is not just a regular fart joke, but in fact a queef joke.

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