My blog broke again today so I called the web host guys and the IT guy was all “What’s wrong?” and I’m like “Shit’s fucked up, dude” and I explained that it said I had 76 comments on my last post but that you can’t see any of them and he’s all “Huh.” And I’m like “Damn right, huh” and then he asked me for my password but I refused to give it to him because I didn’t know it because of security reasons and he asked me if all the posts were like that and I was trying to find a way to say “No, the posts about fisting are fine” without actually mentioning fisting but I couldn’t think of a better way to phrase it so after this long, awkward pause I’m all “Do you know what fisting is?” and then he was like “Who is this really?” Then he made me answer an email from him to prove it was really me BECAUSE HE THOUGHT IT WAS A HOAX. Like I would joke about my blog being broken. Then I told him the kitten-mitten post was fine too because I didn’t want him to think my whole blog was about fisting and he didn’t really respond so I explained that it was for the homeless and then he got all quiet and terse because apparently he hates the homeless and wants their hands to fall off. Then when I’m in the middle of defending kitten-mittens he interrupts me and is all “Sounds like it’s corrupted” and I’m all “IT’S A PUBLIC SERVICE FOR THE HOMELESS”. Then I hung up because I get enough of that kind of abuse at home, thankyouverymuch.
Then he called back and it turns out there was a ninja attack on my blog. Or a fire. Maybe a goat ate it. I don’t know. I stop listening after they accused me of corruption.
PS. Victor says the IT guy was probably saying my data was corrupted and that it wasn’t an indictment of my morals but clearly he didn’t hear the guy’s tone so he can just shut up.
PPS. My arthritis has spread to my feet and it hurts like hell and looks like I’m smuggling a golf-ball in my ankle. Or like my ankle has an ankle. It’s even less glamorous than it sounds. Also my doctor refuses to give me medical marijuana because she says I have to see a rheumatologist and the rheumatologist won’t return my calls. At this point I may have to buy drugs from high school kids. I’m pretty sure that’s what they’re talking about when they talk about the importance of being your own health advocate.
PPPS. Where do all the high school kids hang out?
Comment of the day: You are the daughter I would have had if I weren’t just so damn gay. ~ Steve McSheffrey