UPDATED: If I get one more press-release about baby wipes I’m going to stab someone in the face

in blogging about blogging again, Marketing gone bad, Random Crap, rants, terrible titles

Actual email I received (which is almost identical to a dozen emails I’ve been sent by other companies this week):

Good Afternoon, I wanted to share with you these new video from GM that show why the 2010 Chevy Equinox is one of the most family-friendly and technologically advanced vehicles on the road.  Watch as Whitney Krause, a mother of two, takes you through all the neat new features that helped make the Equinox a North American Truck of the Year Finalist.  I’ve included the embed codes as you are welcome to post these videos on your site.  (numerous videos inserted).  Thanks for your time.

Of course I emailed him right back:

Weird.  My blog is also award-winning, family-friendly and technologically advanced.  I’m including my paypal address as you are welcome to send me free money from your account.  Thanks for your time. ~ Jenny

Shockingly, Chevy has not sent me any money whatsoever. THEY HAVEN’T EVEN RESPONDED TO MY EMAIL.  It’s like they don’t even want to give me money in exchange for absolutely nothing.  And at first I was all, well…maybe they think it’s ludicrous to ask someone to give you something valuable for absolutely no reason whatsoever, but then I went back and reread their email about how they’d like me to paste their crappy car commercials all over my blog even though it would only benefit themselves so I’m pretty sure they must understand the basic concept.  The whole thing is really very confusing.  In fact, I’ve  actually started responding with the you-can-send-me-money-for-no-reason email to all irrelevant, impersonal, mass-emailed blog pitches from people who believe bloggers are so desperate for material that they’re grateful to serve as a billboard for large corporations and so far none of them has sent me any money.  Honestly, it’s almost like this kind of marketing doesn’t work at all.

UPDATED: Mrs. Dash is an asshole who will kick you while you are down:

Comment of the day: You should just email them a different picture of your cat every day with no explanation. This is really the only way I’ve found to fight spam. ~ Allie

UPDATED X 2:  In the interest of fairness, I got a rather disarming email from Chevy who didn’t offer me money or a car with wolves airbrushed on the hood or anything else but who didn’t threaten to sue me so that’s a pleasant change of pace.  From Chevy Director: “I’m sorry we sent you that pitch. I’m embarrassed, too — not only because that’s not how we like for Chevrolet to represent itself or how we like  to talk with people, but because I agree with you 100% that this kind of  “marketing” doesn’t work at all. It’s cheesy, it’s impersonal, and it belies a complete misunderstanding of how the social web works.   Frankly, I’m glad you blasted us on your blog — because we had it coming for  that pitch, and because I’m going to send your post to everyone in GM communications and marketing (not just Chevrolet) as a reminder and an instruction on how NOT to talk to people (whether they’re bloggers or Twitterers or not). We don’t usually talk with people that way, but on this occasion we did and it makes my entire program seem clueless; I want to make sure it doesn’t happen again. So in a weird way, thank you for the rather unpleasant medicine.”

I’d call that a win for bloggers and marketers.

223 thoughts on “UPDATED: If I get one more press-release about baby wipes I’m going to stab someone in the face”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Lmao. Love it. That’s like the online version of sending all your junk mail/flyers back to the people who send you postage paid envelopes with their crap. I once stuffed a bunch of kentucky fried chicken flyers and funeral home ads into an envelope from a bank (they wanted me to do a survey or sign up for life insurance or whatever..) I was greatly amused.
    .-= Azaera´s last blog ..Looking Up =-.

  5. Eventually these mega corporations will realize that the type of marketing where you throw a bunch of stuff at the wall and see what sticks really isn’t relevant in todays climate. Bloggers are a viable source of information and the only thing we have to trade on is our reputation.

  7. I’m in advertising, and I have no idea what just happened. I’m going to give you money now. That part somehow made sense. That’s why Chevy needs to stop sending you e-mails and hire you to run their company.
    .-= MayoPie´s last blog ..This has to be some kind of joke =-.

  10. That online gaming site that left a “comment” at my blog because one of my posts had the word “game” in the title obviously hasn’t caught on to the top notch marketing techniques of real players like Chevy. You get all the good stuff, Jenny.
    .-= Pauline´s last blog ..History: Surprise And Denial =-.

  13. Whiney Krause?

    Whiney?

    For reals, GM? I can see naming one of the two children Whiney…but the mom? I thought GM was all about American values (because don’t we the taxpayers like, own them?) and here they go attacking motherhood and blogs written by mothers.

    Cruel.

    (*snort* That was actually my mistake. Lost a letter in the copy-and-paste. Or perhaps it was Freudian. We may never know. ~ Jenny the bloggess)

  15. Sadly there are a lot of bloggers who do put this stuff up on their blogs. Even more frustrating is the previously legit blogs that turn into sales pitches. Makes me really appreciate those that don’t sound like they are the company shill.
    .-= Julie H.´s last blog ..what is it with today? =-.

  17. Let’s not get so out of sorts about this. Remember, you and all of your readers (at least those that live in the US…including Texas) own this damn company. So if they paid you, you’d be paying you. And if that’s the case, you might as well give Victor the money. I’m sure he would spend it on a dead garage sale animal. No wait, he wouldn’t. Never mind.

  18. Thank you, Sally G. And thank you, Bloggess. i didn’t mention it before, but those bastards have been trying to get me to mention the Equinox’s elegant styling, air-ride suspension and ergonomic cupholders for months. Not to mention its above average gas mileage when compared to other SUV’s in its class and optional third row seating. Sure, I’ll just run right out and tell everyone.
    .-= MayoPie´s last blog ..This has to be some kind of joke =-.

  24. Just today I suggested on my blog that people send me fried chicken. Your method is much smarter. If I had the money, I could choose between original and extra crispy and not, I repeat NOT, get stuck with that crappy coleslaw. Mac & Cheese 4 Lyf!

  25. Yesterday I almost wanted a Chevy. Or a GMC, I forget, same thing though right? More or less. But now that I know how badly they’ve treated you? Never! Never in a million yellow Camaros!
    .-= dotlizard´s last blog ..LOL, bible =-.

  26. Ok Jenny ….. I absolutely LOVE the above idea to start posting their videos on porn sites. I think THAT would really show them the power of a viral video campaign.

    Great post as usual girl :). Xoxo, Kristy
    .-= Kristy – where’s my damn answer?´s last blog ..My life as a basketball mom =-.

  28. So…they want you to advertise a car that is a piece of shit on your blog? Hmm…this morning I woke up and found that someone was advertising porn in my comments while I slept. I feel really cheated. Because no one offered me a car or asked me if I wanted the porn. I really just don’t need any help at all like you coming up with material for my Blog. I mean the craziness that is my life is enough already. I don’t need someone’s elses Va Jay Jay or piece of shit car to help get me followers.

    Anyways…I love YOUR work. Rant over.
    .-= “Seattle” Heather´s last blog ..To the Asshole who posted a Porn comment on my last Post: =-.

  30. It is now my goal to get famous enough that companies will want to post their crapvertising on my blog and I can send them emails requesting my slice of the “money for nothing” pie.

    And then I can cut you in on the lucrative 20 cents a week I make with YouData!
    .-= msdarkstar´s last blog ..Mass Transit = Massive Pain in Posterior =-.

  36. Okay, true story: “Tiger Taco Industries” just sent me six dollars and 95 cents. I don’t even know what a tiger taco is but sounds delicious. And also probably illegal. Are we allowed to eat tigers?

    You know what? Doesn’t even matter. They’re the only company that has ever sent me money for nothing whatsoever so I’m going to totally plug them for free. “TigerTacos are delicious and will make you irresistible to the ladies. You’ve got some tiger in your teeth, cowboy. Lemme get that for you.” That was my Tiger Taco commercial. You’re welcome, Tiger Taco.

  37. You’re just too popular, Jenny, that’s your big mistake. I have a blog that nobody visits – but at least I don’t get spam there, or sneaky pornography in the comments (which would be because there are none). I was getting depressed about it all, but now I’ve come over all Pollyanna-ish. Thank you, Bloggess! And ups to you too, GM.
    .-= Pam´s last blog ..Fur coat weather? =-.

  38. Okay, so apparently Tiger Taco is a box opening company and they don’t actually sell tacos at all. Still, I suspect they’re delicious. Also, I really like to say TigerTaco. “TigerTaco.” Seriously, I can’t stop saying it.

    You could learn a lot from TigerTaco, Chevy Equinox.

  39. LOL FINALLY someone says it out loud what I’ve been thinking and writing a long post about but too scared that if I hit PUBLISH the blog police will come lock me up
    THanks for the laugh
    if its ok I’m going to refer to your blog post to all those wonderful company’s and their press releases maybe they can send me some $$ too for being so witty to sent them to you for a laugh

  40. Free tip : put a picture of James Garfield as the background for your Paypal page => Chaaa-chiiing !

  41. Oh girl, you are THE BEST!
    You should have said you eat those tiger tacos in a beautiful FORD Truck…
    Take THAT GM.
    Just wait til you are the Queen of some unsuspecting country….{evil laugh}

    Friggin Spammers!

    ~
    .-= Tammi ´s last blog ..Yummi Bears =-.

  42. You know what I think about all this. ‘Bout time bloggers valued their real estate space and stopped getting shamed for asking for $ in exchange for space on it.

  43. A box opening company….?
    there’s a company to open boxes? boxes full of tigers?
    Huh?
    Dude, they SO owe you more than $6.95
    And, I bet that was in CAD $$, right?

    Some people….
    .-= Tammi´s last blog ..Yummi Bears =-.

  47. This is the start of a great new business model! Where companies have something called “marketing budgets” and pay to have their products advertised! What a novel concept this is, paying for advertising! Say it with me now: Paying. For. Advertising.

    Nah, it’ll never catch on.
    .-= Nina´s last blog ..H & M Garden Collection =-.

  48. Dude, if they’re a company opening boxes of tigers, TigerTaco better freaking pay more than minimum wage and have some bad ass benefits that include ninjas, you know, since the tiger industry is completely underground and run by the mafia. If I worked for them I’d demand ninjas to fend off the horse heads and to keep from wearing cement shoes. Unless they ARE the mafia, in which case I’d have to use my totally rockin not-minimum-wage check to pay for zombies to protect me from my ninjas. Wonder if they’d count the zombies as a tax deduction? Hey, there’s a question for your advice blog! See, I can totally better the tiger-box-opening-industry AND ask a completely relevant and sane question of you! Multitasking: everyone wishes they were as good as me.
    .-= Uriah´s last blog ..Going back to school and learning to use wordpress =-.

  50. Too damn funny! I gotta get me a paypal account so I can play too! I wanna buy some new thigh-high boots. I have no idea where the ones I had in 1971 are now and it’s pissin’ me off!! You Rock! Paypal, here I come!
    .-= MiddleAgedWomanBlogging´s last blog ..I’m In Love! =-.

  53. This paypal thing should make it much easier for me to order my Xmas cards for next year. And as an extra bonus…it should prevent you from being stuck with a bunch of that silly looking Canadian money. Bet you hadn’t thought of that. You’re welcome.

  54. Sorry, but I couldn’t resist because you are so honest and funny … and you did give your PayPal address (also funny!~) just nice to know there are people like you in the world. Thank you.

  55. If you don’t watch much football, you might not be aware of this, but the current marketing strategy for Chevy trucks consists of ads where Howie Long demonstrates, through a variety of interactions with seemingly normal people, that Howie Long is an obnoxious jerk who can only make himself feel good by making other people feel bad for buying a truck that isn’t a Chevy. Basically, whoever is running Chevy’s marketing department has probably got a lot of money invested in Toyota or something.
    .-= Magnetic Lobster´s last blog ..Clear Dowell Sunrise =-.

  56. That is the perfect response to that sort of bull shit.

    If I had a company- any company, really- I’d call it Tiger Taco. It’s a bad ass name, and I like the way it rolls of the tongue. Not something you’d forget easily.

  57. And yet, you still wrote about them which is kinda like free advertising… and people don’t actually look at ads, but they totally read blog posts… so they win here… I mean… North American Truck of the Year FINALIST!?!?! I don’t need me no fancy winners when I can have a stable, solid relationship with a finalist. They’re just as good… just… not… See? Chevy totally won.
    .-= Rob´s last blog ..Tequila Sunrise =-.

  60. Marketing by men…. under- appreciating the Voice of The Bloggess….obviously.
    With the latest installment of the govt.”Getting Money for Nothing” plan (aka industry bailout) has caused them to have overly exaggerated expectations of getting something for nothing from EVERYONE!
    See- definitely run by men… women would not have allowed it to get this far and they would appreciate a good thing when they see it… like the power of bloggers and their Queen- TheBloggess! ( now that is how companies should approach a lady when asking for a favor… )
    .-= Dawn´s last blog ..I Am Not Confused! I just don’t remember it exactly the same way every one else does…right? =-.

  63. Those bastards! I think it’s so lame that companies would expect you to dish out free advertising for nothing at all. ”oh hey! we have this awesome new commercial that we want you to post for FECKING NOTHING so please get OFF YOUR ASS AND POST THIS cos ya know….we are so awesome that you’d do it for free”
    Jerks. Ya know what screw it…I’m never buying a Chevy.
    .-= mesina´s last blog ..Thou shalt not swear =-.

  64. Jenny

    Something to divert your attention from all the spam email – have a look at how the British female ‘youf’ entertain themselves during the recent snowstorms:
    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1242198/Youre-going-dressed-like-Snow-joke-did-.html

    (Actually that’s a lie, they just wear the same stuff all year round, come rain or shine… or snow come to think of it).

    Maybe you could get GM to address the issue by asking them to provide free transport for the poor mites as they traipse from club to club sans vital outer wear?

    Just a thought.

    LCM x

  65. Consider the Spam/Press releases like a bloggers paparazzi. Everyone wants to be famous right? then all of the sudden there are a bunch of people standing around taking your picture or writing you spam and it is annoying.

    Now you need to get someone like Sean Penn to punch the spammers in the face.
    .-= William´s last blog ..Looking Ahead =-.

  68. You should have asked them to send you a free car because you can’t endorse something that you don’t use. Then you could have sold it and gotten more money than if they had put money in your paypal account.

  70. Tiger Taco…
    Sounds like a House Of Ill Repute.
    But I don’t see any women on their site.
    🙁
    http://www.tigertaco.com/

    Tip: Yelling “Tiger Taco Fire Crotch” will get you a few strange looks.

    Anyways.
    Why do you people always get the good spam?
    All I get is “Enlarge your ?whatever name they slip past the filter?” and “Free Rolex”.

    Maybe I should forward all the Rolexes to the Enlargers, and vice versa.

  71. What is a box opening company? Oh, is it like at around Christmas, when you have tons of boxes to open, but you’re too drained because you’ve been knitting a noose all evening, so you call Tiger Taco and they rrrrrrip them open?
    .-= Marinka´s last blog ..Define This =-.

  74. Right. Like someone is actually going to by a Chevy.

    Silly marketing people.

    Sometimes they’re so cute you just want to cuddle up next to them and shiv them with a boxcutter from the Tiger Taco company.
    .-= moooooog35´s last blog ..Whammy Bar =-.

  75. Sidebar: Tiger Taco is a box opening company?

    When the fuck did opening a box become a marketable skill?

    People who take Liberal Arts have so many more opportunities these days.
    .-= moooooog35´s last blog ..Whammy Bar =-.

  76. Hmmm, a “box opening company” sounds cryptically pornish to me. Just what kind of “boxes” are they “opening”???

    I’m just happy you wrote this post 99.9% profanity free. I don’t know how you did it, but I can forward it to my family-friendly audience, which is actually family friendly for all ages ;).
    .-= Robin ~ PENSIEVE´s last blog ..Until today, I had never heard the word "Maasai"… =-.

  79. So, here’s my Chevy story. Several years ago, I was foolish enough to drive a Chevy minivan. (Those were dark days.) My gear shift had always given me trouble. I had complained about it several times while at customer service drinking my watered down coffee and eating stale muffins. I got pooh-poohed every time, probably because I’m a girl and mechanics think girls are imbeciles when it comes to cars, which I am, but that’s not the point. Then, one day, my gear shift was sticking as usual as I put it in reverse and as I was wiggling it around, IT CAME OFF IN MY HANDS! I had someone drive me up to Chevy where I proceeded to walk into the sparkly showroom, with gear shift in hand, and announce to the receptionist very loudly that my gear shift on my CHEVY had just broken and was this a common problem with their cars? Thank God I was in my garage at the time. They fixed it and tried to give me a bunch of free oil changes, OIL CHANGES, for my trouble. Whatev’. Perhaps Chevy needs to stop stalking blogger queens and funneling all their money into hiring old football players to sell their crap cars and spend more time and money on cars that won’t break off in your hands. Fuck off, Chevy. That’s all I have to say on that. Thanks. I feel better now after reliving the anger of the past.

    I want a Tiger Taco, now. Who’s going to invent one?
    .-= joann mannix´s last blog ..Dear Mother Nature: I Said I Like My Tropical DRINKS frozen, NOT my Tropics Frozen =-.

  86. (from today’s inbox)

    Hi,
    I was just on your site and I know this may be an unusual request but I was hoping you might let me send you a piece of jewelry from my store (complimentary of course). I was hoping you might be able to post your honest thoughts (good, bad or ugly) on your blog, even if it’s just a really brief mention it would really help me promote my store. If you’re ok with this let me know and I’ll email you a gift card which would allow you to choose any item free. Hope I haven’t wasted your time!

    Best Wishes,
    Sarah
    ________________________________

    No, Sarah. Since you have been on my site (have you, really?) you will know that I am a cynical gay man who doesn’t wear women’s jewellery, that I would not give an opinion that’s worth a damn, and that the thirty people who stumble on my site every day looking for boobs and gay porn are unlikely to repay your expense, or my effort.

    They might be perfectly nice jewels, or they might not. Good day to you, madam!
    .-= headbang8´s last blog ..Time to Flex Your Middle Finger. =-.

  87. Thatt’s even more insulting than the company that wanted me to blog about their sex toys in exchange for one free product ($40 and under). Of COURSE I’ll compromise my integrity for a $35 hot pink vibrator! *eye roll*

  90. I get a lot of calls from telemarketers still. Or better yet, someone wanting to make me feel guilty because some child somewhere is missing an arm and I need to give them money, or the fire station money. Or whatever. Never even bothering to ask me if I already give money to something. Well you know what?! The economy is tough right now! And I feel like I might be missing the part of my brain where I can factor in the words “job” and “like” and “fun” all at the same time…so I’m going to start asking people who ask ME for money if they can give ME money because I’m missing part of my personality.
    .-= Stephanie´s last blog ..P.S. Bitter almonds + water = bad things =-.

  91. i mean, dude. it was once oh, the joys jess who told me to email them all back: i’m a professional consultant. if you wish to have your product reviewed or otherwise pressed on this website, you’ll need to know up front that i charge $125 an hour. i’ll be happy to have my assistant draw up a contract.

    it’s funny how you never hear back from those folks again.

    so tired of corporations feeling as if they can rip women bloggers. i mean, they’ll never *actually* have us by the balls, yo.
    .-= liv´s last blog ..what are you holding onto? =-.

  92. Oh, I see the problem… you were supposed to remove your brain before opening that email and all the others just like it, so that you will acquiesce like a lemming to free ads on your blog. Cause after all, isn’t that all blogs are for? Fuckerheads.

  93. I’m totally down with the idea of putting it on your porn site – but in keeping with continuing to give Tiger Taco something for their money (although the point *was* to give you money for nothing…), I think the Equinox should have a Tiger in it. Or should be in a box – you’d show it to everyone. If ONLY you had someone to open the box for you! Da-dum – Tiger Taco box opening company to rescue!

    yeah, so I can’t believe box opening is a marketable skill. Unless… well, I mean, if there’s a tigert in the box, I really don’t want to be the one to open it myself.
    .-= My Baby Sweetness´s last blog ..The pros and cons of homeownership =-.

  96. As my finger was hovering over the delete button for one of those e-mails, my eye caught the first few line and I opened it instead. It was great, the e-mail started with a “THIS IS IMPORTANT, PLEASE POST” and then included a post about learning to predict the trajectory of a stock in your dreams. It was such a ludicrous post that I thought about taking out the links, posting it, and mocking it roundly. I archived it just in case I’m ever in the mood.

    But what blew me away (almost) as much as the concept of using your dreams to drive your retirement portfolio was the fact that there was no “Dear Blogger” or “Hi, I’m so-and-so from this-and-such” or “We’re trying to get out an important message.” Just a please post and the post itself. I nearly wrote back and said “Please give me $1k to post it.” 🙂
    .-= Mrs. Micah´s last blog ..Why I Don’t Want to Retire Early =-.

  97. What’s wrong with you? They GAVE you the embed code. Right in the email. Starving kids in Mongolia have to travel for days on end to watch a Chevy commercial, and even then it’s from a dial-up connection via MOL and here you are turning your nose up at this wonderful embed code being presented on a silver platter. It’s like I don’t even know you anymore.
    .-= BusyDad´s last blog ..Shuffle On. To The Great Big Playlist in the Sky. =-.

  100. Is it bad that I’m truly tempted to go check out all the neat new features on the Chevy Equinox? I’m pretty sure that wasn’t the goal of your post, huh? But Whitney sounds so PERKY!
    .-= Amy´s last blog ..In a quandry… =-.

  101. Thanks for putting it out there that bloggers shouldn’t work for free! I say you go all dooce-maytag on twitter until a brand new fucking 2010 Equinox with “bloggess” on the license plate is parked out front. Or wait? Fuck, 8 letters don’t fit on a license plate, do they?
    .-= marymac´s last blog ..Fuck a Duck =-.

  102. Wait! I got it! You should charge ALL OF US for use of that exact phrasing so that we ALL can respond with your “‘you-can-send-me-money-for-no-reason email’ to all irrelevant, impersonal, mass-emailed blog pitches from people who believe bloggers are so desperate for material that they’re grateful to serve as a billboard for large corporations”.

    Can I be your bookkeeper?
    .-= Trenches of Mommyhood´s last blog ..PPD and Me (Part One) =-.

  104. Maybe you should go into business with Tiger Taco. If they made a line of Tiger Tacos with your face on them, I would so buy them! Fun *and* functional!

    “Tiger Tacos. The Mother Theresa of box packing, only better.”

  105. Better watch it or Chevy will send you a bill for using their name to draw readers to your blog. (They’re hard up for cash ya know!) LOL

  106. Maybe because you lied to them about being family-friendly.

    (I mean normal families. Don’t let the fact that you’re required reading for my three under-ten children indicate anything. They’re still crying about James Garfield. I mean, what happened to the rest of him, mommy? I don’t think that’s normal. He’s bacon, stupid.)
    .-= harmzie´s last blog ..The Mark(er) of Integrity =-.

  107. I considered emailing you my PayPal info to post on theblogess.com so that your readers could send me free money (of course none of which would be shared with you). However, in light of this post, I’m reconsidering.

  108. I just had to take my button down off my website because it got hijacked or some shit by some freaking Beach Body personal trainer bitch here in the DFW area. While, in my current shape, I realize challenging a personal trainer to rumble is probably a bad idea, I e-mailed her asking her just who the hell she thinks she is. She has yet to respond. She’s probably busy helping someone get rock hard glutes are drinking a protein shake. Or standing in front of the mirror flexing. Anyway, nice response to Chevy. GE tried to get to me advertise a stove or something culinary like that. I didn’t respond because I was too busy laughing. Now I wish I had.

  110. Very funny.
    I don’t mind getting releases from small companies that are geared to my niche. But I can’t say it’s been effective for anyone yet!
    Blogger’s unite – we shouldn’t work for free!

  111. I was just waiting for the Tiger-I-Got-Woods reference and there we go!

    Hey Magnetic Lobster, you forgot to mention that one of those commercials features Howie and an Informant exchanging cash. Maybe they ARE the mafia. Jenny, did they offer you some sort of “protection” in exchange for posting their Equinoxious videos? Watch out for dead fish heads in the mail (well ones without you Dad’s return address on the package anyway). Maybe that is how they got to MayoPie because obviously there has been some brain washing going on there.

  112. So, wait, you don’t want to advertise my shit for free either? Or is it just Chevy. I mean, they suck, but MY stuff is awesome. Sadly, I’m all out of tiger. Will housecat do?

  113. I hate to say it, but didn’t you just give them free advertising by mentioning them on your site?

  115. Oh my. That sounds like a great idea… only my blog is not that popular and no one sends me unsolicited adds like that… only ones about making my penis bigger and I don’t even want to see those videos. Anyway, thanks for the laugh.

  116. Hi this is Frosty from HP. If you could just go ahead and quietly ignore or delete that last email I sent you asking you to promote our products for free, that would be wonderful. Mkay? Thanks.

  117. @ azaera

    great idea, thanks! i have been flooded with useless crappy fliers despite my repeated attempts to prevent receiving them. i think these companies hire ninjas to leave this shit in your mailbox, hanging from the front door handle, and generally strewn about my front porch and garden. i once chased down one of these ninja-assholes and he conveniently forgot how to speak english and pretended he didn’t understand what i meant when i fervently pressed his flier back into his hand. he gave it back to me like it was a fucking gift! “no…..you keep.” if could just discover how to send the fucking things to the telemarketing plant that keeps harassing me i would feel completely fulfilled.

  119. My grown daughters and I blog together. (We’re also “family-friendly” by definition, right?) Our last blog post was about feces on supermarket carts. Can you imagine what kinds of products companies will want US to promote for them? I can hardly wait to see those emails! Your blog is hilarious. Thanks for writing it.
    .-= Debby Carroll´s last blog ..Is Your Kid the Center of the Universe? =-.

  123. ” It’s like they don’t even want to give me money in exchange for absolutely nothing.”

    It’s statements like that that get you nominated for a Shorty award for Government because I’m pretty sure we’ve all paid taxes and gotten nothing in return. I mean really. I pay my taxes every year and nobody gives me anything! Except a sticker from my mayor’s office this one time. So I guess I did get something. Never mind.
    .-= Condo Blues´s last blog ..Make Microwave Hand Warming Gloves =-.

  124. I don’t know. I think you just gave Mrs. Dash some free air time.
    So now the new strategy will be to annoy bloggers as much as possible, so they talk about how much they hate the product. While still mentioning it a lot.

    In anticipation of houses Kraft will be egging, I thank you.
    .-= Bridget Callahan´s last blog ..Ear Eels are totally a real thing. =-.

  125. FYI…I just got an email from a head dude at GM who personally apologized for the completely irrelevant pitch and very strongly vowed that this sort of thing would never happen again on his watch. Which is actually? Kind of completely awesome. He didn’t offer me money or a free car or anything but I assume one is on the way. And it better have some howling wolves airbrushed onto the hood or so help me I will burn it to the ground on my neighbors lawn.

  126. I have no ads on my blog, in fact I post very infrequently because I’m a better blog reader than blog writer. Even so, a company approached me about advertising their jewelry, which truly befuddled me because I had a post back in May of last year about HOW LITTLE JEWELRY I WEAR. So I ignored the request. Now the shoe people I could have gotten on board with, but I was too lazy to reply. And not sure I want to deal with ads. I might have to write more and, geez, there’s only so many hours in the day and I’d rather be tweeting!
    .-= Pop and Ice´s last blog ..Do the Fondue! =-.

  127. ZOMG, you are FUCKING HILARIOUS!!!! I get these kinds of stupid pitches all the time, but I don’t have the balls to write them back and tell them to shove their product up their assholes. I wish I did! I’m still trying to get PAID ads on my site, so I’m watching my mouth – but you’ve got the power to bitch for the rest of us. You go girl.
    .-= TheFeministBreeder´s last blog ..My First Radio Show: A Success =-.

  130. Jesus.

    Mrs. Dash has really had her panties in a bunch every since her husband ran away with the Morton’s Salt chick. Honestly, though, that really must have kinda stung a bit.
    .-= moooooog35´s last blog ..Whammy Bar =-.

  131. Jenny – remember that GM is *your* company. Actually, *ours* – the taxpayers, as President Obama bought it for US, with our great-great-grandchildren’s money, last year.

    But then they shut down Saturn, which was the only brand worth a fsck.

    ~EdT.
    .-= EdT.´s last blog ..Glowing, Glowing… =-.

  132. Pingback: My Crafty Life » Blog Archive » Great post Bloggers will relate to!

  133. While I can’t help you on the PayPal thing, I just might have to take you up on the howling wolves. 🙂

    Thanks again for the reminder that my whole team needs to be more careful and much, much smarter. I’ll answer your email tomorrow morning, but feel free to mention anything I said in my note. Have a great night.

  139. Two points:

    1. You know that saying “all publicity is good publicity”? Well, it’s kind of true. I bet half your readers just Googled that salt shit (am too lazy to scroll up the page to find out exactly what it’s called. Also, if I do scroll up I will probably Google it and then kick myself later. Hence, no scrolling). So unfortunately, Salt Shit and Car People just got a little publicity. Which is awesome for them. But also makes me want to barf.

    2. I am REALLY glad you posted this. I used to be in PR and quit for a variety of reasons, one being I couldn’t bear to be as annoying as these people are being. Also, the problem is that so many PR agencies have been around forever and are still having a hard time getting with the times. Meaning they don’t understand that some bloggers actually do have a life and content to provide their loving readers. Aka… you. So am happy you brought it to all of our attention. Hopefully some PR yahoo (oh yes, I said yahoo) will read this and think twice before harassing you – or any other blogger for that matter – again.

    Peace out homie.
    .-= Marian Schembari´s last blog ..Why Freelancers Should Take a Part-Time Gig =-.

  140. True story: when I saw “salt reduction” I assumed it was about reducing the salt on streets (you know, for melting snow & ice). That made even *less* sense (your being from Texas & all) than, y’know eating it (which, btw, I *love* salt and if I had to give it up, well, I’d rather stab myself in the heart)

    And I was all “Mrs Dash as salt replacement on streets? WTF? Now I’m stepping into the twilight zone” (Note to young readers, that’s NOT a place with a lot of vampires)… So, um. Late. Going to bed now. Or soon.
    .-= harmzie´s last blog ..The Mark(er) of Integrity =-.

  148. My brother works for Chevy, in the repair dept. If they send you money, your basically taking the money from hard working oil plug carrying men. My brother won’t be able to afford that operation he needs, you know the get-your-head-outta-your-ass disease? Cause I have been trying to get him to get his butt in gear and get back to school. But it frustrates the crap out of me. He say’s he doesn’t have enough money to go back to school. Which is OBVIOUSLY because your scamming money outta Chevy. You know typing this out, makes me realize its YOUR fault I want to throttle my brother when we talk about school and his future. Great, thanks alot. Next your gonna tell me something that makes me realize I take medication because of YOU.

  149. I have to agree with the commenter who mentioned that by mentioning it on your blog, you have achieved the marketers objective. The problem is, in reality (and since I’m in PR I know these things) that the purpose is not to have you write about it on your blog: it’s to have you use the KWP (key word phrase) that they are trying to optimize for. So if you, an “authoritative” site (i.e. well commented and connected) use that KWP, then it means next time someone is searching for that KWP on Google, the page ranking will be higher than if you had never included that text in your site. And the marketer will be judged on the efficacy of his search optimization. So: the best is simply not to mention them on your blog, but conduct your campaign via email – or, the absolute most effective of all – via snail mail. A real, printed letter to the CEO gets a lot of attention.

  150. Another brilliant post. I’m inundated with press releases and requests to talk about products on my blog but as soon as I mention any kind of fee (and it is a very small fee) they run the other way. Let me see, you want me to do something for you for free while I bust my ass on my blog and you are representing big name companies who can’t afford a couple of bucks for my time to post or to advertise on my blog? Seriously? How dumb do you think I am. No thank you.

    Beautifully put and thank you so much for the laugh. It is sad that is is just so true.
    .-= Emilie´s last blog ..List Your Giveaways! {Linky Love #29} =-.

  152. LOL! I love this topic. I am so not desperate for material, but people seem to think I am! I have to CONTAIN myself to keep from posting multiple times a day. This is hilarious and a great reminder that a blog owner’s time and space is valuable!

  157. That reminds me of the time two days ago when Facebook went TOTALLY behind my back and started telling all my friends I was using this new Friendfinder thing and my BFF was all like “have you used this new friend finder thing on FB?” and I’m all like “no wtf is that?” and she’s all like “I dunno but FB told me you used it” and i’m all like “wtf, FB, way to almost create an awkward moment and suggest i wouldn’t TELL my bff if i was gonna try out weird new FB applications. Also I don’t appreciate FB slandering my good name with these lies and I am insulted that FB thinks I need to use the internet to find friends.”

  158. That Mrs. Dash is a bitch. We used to date back in the day, and believe me – it doesn’t take many mornings of waking up to a bed full of salt to decide “enough is enough.”

  164. I think all these companies must have a department within marketing that’s called lets not do our research but just send shit out in hopes that someone is hardup enough to do it.

    Seriously. But they shorten it to : LNDORBJSSOIHTSIHETDI

    And nobody is the wiser.
    .-= Stacey´s last blog ..And I shall make this clear as mud =-.

  166. NO WAY! The GM guy actually came here and left you a comment too. Suddenly I <3 GM

  167. Jenny,
    Speaking of Monies? When the HECK are you going to start selling James Garfield T-shirts already?

  168. I would have RAN to the window expecting a brand new Equinox parked in my driveway with a big ass bow on the top. I would have flung open my pantry to look upon the Mrs. Dash the Faux-Salt Fairy had left me.

    Assbadgers.

    At least you have Chevy asking you for free advertising. The best I get is stuff that’s supposed to make your washer not smell like shit and web video hosting start ups. My washer smells like Tiramisu and I don’t do video porn (online)(yet).

  176. I’m just is awe…..Reading your post and comments is better than any comedy or reality show. Now there is an idea. The Bloggess – In Review….You’d be richer than Oprah….Everyone would be sending you stuff to review.

  181. I teach social marketing (mostly to the government, but some companies) and I will use this an example of what not to do and how to look stupid. Thank you! In my experience some doodle on high gets bug for online marketing and then the word goes out and it’s then implemented by people who know nothing about the culture of the web, resulting in ham-handed ploys. On a related note, Chevy’s advertising right now is just totally on crack. Have you seen the TV commercial with Howie Long, “Are you a cop?…You have cop hair.” It is the most nonsensical mess I’ve seen in a long time.

  183. WOW. Amazing. Your being funny as well while driving your point home is amazing, yet not surprising any more. 🙂 Chevy’s response is, wow. Impressive. Nicely done!

    I hope they invite you back for a Social Media Marketing 101 or something. I still remember your hilarious posts about the Submarine tour. Cadillac Escalade is roughly the same size…
    .-= submom´s last blog ..WTF Wednesday: Eye? Aye! =-.

  187. Jenny, I never get the fun emails you do, and GM sponsors the auto portion of my road trip. They don’t even care if I ever write about them, but I do because I’ve become a fan. Not even the Taco Tiger has tried to sway me with money. Mrs. Dash didn’t remember my birthday. I don’t know what rogue blogger list you’re on, but I’m kind of jealous. And I’m in Houston right this very minute — feeling a little PMS’y and driving a huge kickass Silverado. Please let me know if you’d like me to come over. We can run something over together, like a giant armadillo, and get it taxidermied. It can be my road buddy.
    p.s. I think the Equinox is just a *little* more family friendly than your blog, but then again I’ve led a sheltered life. Pass the salt.

  190. Is it any wonder that you ended up with James Garfield in your life? You have POWER, lady.

    Now if that bitch Mrs. Dash doesn’t come across, she’s going to suffer a serious downturn in her sales numbers.

  192. their response to you is why you are awesome.

    your first step towards world domination can be checked off your to-do list for this year. and you said you had no resolutions.

  193. Hey Jenny – Connie from GM here. Long time listener, first time caller 😉
    Wanted to meet you in person at BlogHer this summer, but you were pretty darned popular. You were either swarmed by adoring fanatics or hiding under something large and wooden.
    So – a belated hello from a Michigan fan. You have cracked me up for a long time.
    I see that Christopher Barger, my former Director, already jumped in on the comments here about our screw-up. I feel somewhat responsible also, as I was part of the team that was pushing hard to “unleash the army” of employees to get out there and start engaging with people on the social web. Some of whom we pushed past the point of their comfort zone.
    I see a tidal wave of hate from your commenters toward GM and Chevy. I understand some of the sentiment. But there are actually humans who work here. We mess up, we learn, and it is pretty painful to see numerous people collectively calling us f’ing b*stards, and to “Take THAT GM.” Ouch.
    There’s also the GM that for the last 25 years has given me a shot at a career, which allowed me to provide for my kids as a single mom.
    I am proposing an idea to my leadership that we select some readers from here to see if we can get together sometime — either on our turf or yours — to show you what we’re really all about. And that we’re not totally evil. Just a little. 🙂
    Sorry that this was my first comment on your site. I would have far preferred it to be over something like Judy Garland trail mix.
    Cheers.

  195. Jen,
    When they start sending you new Trailblazers and Equinoxes and that sort of thing, just tell them that you haven’t received any new vehicles yet, and when are they going to arrive . . .?
    This technique sometimes works.

    You should get 5 or 6 of them before your conscience plays catch up.

    But there ARE other car companies, too, you know. This could be a new career.

  196. I’m glad to see I’m not the only one who gets these and doesn’t understand what they’re thinking when they send them.

    I would have felt sure someone with as huge a readership as you would at least get a token offer of some useless free shit. I always guessed they cruised the shallow end of the pool preying on people’s desire to feel important as payment enough.

    The fact that you got an acknowledgment of all this stupidity from GM further cements you as my hero.
    .-= LiteralDan´s last blog ..Important Question: What would you use this for? =-.

  197. I read this post originally on my iphone while I was heading home from work this afternoon. I work about ten hours a day, have two kids and have time for NOTHING. Your post could not have been more spot on that I came home and re-read this on my big screen computer so I didn’t miss a thing and am now leaving a comment. I get emails like this all the time and just delete them. I never quite thought of it the way you just laid it all out but you could not be more right. Hysterically written.

    Sadie at heymamas

  198. …Glad that they apologized, though. Boosted that in my head. Now if only that worked for penis enlargements. Mine needs its own chair at this point, no it’s okay, your pills aren’t gonna do anything that wouldn’t hurt more than help.
    .-= K´s last blog ..Elbow-deep in chestal cavity =-.

  199. That’s all well and good about the Chevy update, but what about the “pimp my vibrator” thing I sent you? No mention of that?

  202. You know, I’ve been working with GM for a few months now and did review the 2010 Chevy Equinox last year and not ONCE did they EVER hit me up like the email you received. Whoever sent you that pitch obviously did not know what they were doing/MAJOR PR FAIL. What I’ve always been told by GM/Chevy is to write in my own style and to give my honest opinion…which is why I told them that the Wolfgang Puck dessert they paid for looked like crap and didn’t taste much better (not that I’d know what crap tastes like or at least if I did I would not tell you).

    Actually, that’s a funny story in itself: http://www.screweduptexan.com/2010/01/sunday-i-was-at-wolfgang-puck.html
    .-= Screwed Up Texan´s last blog ..Practice Makes Perfect at Airports and at Home =-.

  203. Hello, Bloggess!

    There is no one more embarassed about this situation than me. See…I’m the GM employee in Texas whose job it is to build relationships with bloggers like you and TRY to change negative impressions of our company and products. I believe what we have here is called a big, fat FAIL.

    So, here I am sitting in my living room in front of the tube, just finished watching the Saints beat the heck out of the Cardinals, when my friend Screwed Up Texan, http://www.screweduptexan.com, sends me a text from her new smartphone (plug for for future Screwed Up Texan blog post) that the Bloggess was ticked at Chevy, because someone at Chevy messed up.

    I can see that you’ve already been contacted by two of my colleagues in Detroit, and I’m sure they’ll trace the e-mail to its origin. Hopefully, we can have this type of pitching stopped.

    Thanks for bringing this to our attention. The irony of this for me is that I’m going to be in Houston in a couple of weeks and you are one of the people I was hoping I could meet while there. But I was not sure how you would perceive me reaching out to you. Needless to say, this is certainly not the type of introduction I was hoping to make.

    Connie said that she was going to propose to leadership that we try to get some of the folks who made comments here together so that we can talk things out on a personal level. I’ll take that suggestion forward. Like I said, I will be in Houston beginning Jan. 26, and I’m offering to meet with you and anyone else who’d like to connect.

    I can be reached at donna.mclallen@gm.com and on Twitter @GMTexas

    I regret that your first impression of us was a negative one, but hope we can change that.

  204. Hi, GM people. I actually think that the final result is a good one. You might not see it here but tons of people tweeted this update and considered it a big win for everyone. It was a classic marketing mistake that continues to happen over and over and that’s why so many people related to it and shook their collective fist over something that is really trivial but that after time can become incredibly grating. The big difference here is that you guys actually responded to the issue and admitted that it was a mistake rather than just ignore it, which is what most people do. Your response was awesome and in the end I actually think it’s a big win for GM. I saw the proposal about getting together with bloggers to meet and I think that would be great for some people but honestly, I’m just a humor writer and I would be utterly useless in any type of serious discussion. Plus, I hate to drive and I don’t do reviews. Nothing good would come of it. But getting together with people who do love to drive or are car bloggers or review bloggers? That is a kick-ass idea. There are a ton of them who read this so I bet you’ll get a response of people way more useful than me. Also, from some of the worse PR disasters comes success. Example: the PR nightmare I foisted on one company that I now actually write for and adore. Trust me, this is a good thing.

    PS. Victor and I both drive GM cars. True story.

  209. I call that total win. Fabulous!

    And have to admit that I’m also impressed that a Chevy Director actually wrote back to you. One of the few things I remember from marketing was that it is easier to apologise and retain an existing customer than to annoy an existing customer or highly possible one for the future, and then try to replace them.
    .-= Meowmie´s last blog ..Messy but clean =-.

  213. Pingback: Marvelous Monday! : Wicked Whimsy
  214. Pingback: » Blog Archive » So does this mean i’m becoming somewhat established?
  215. Pingback: Do people understand the “social” part of “social media”? | Marian Schembari

  216. Hope you don’t mind that I have included a link to your blog on a post I just wrote yesterday on PR pitches. I had a “What Would The Bloggess Do “moment, but I think I failed.

  218. I can not stop laughing! I’m new to this game and had no idea that this was happening to other people. Thank you so much for this post. I’m your newest subscriber. 😉

  219. Pingback: Collective Conversation » Bandwidth » Blog Archive » Bloggers telling PR how they really feel
  220. Pingback: Do people understand the “social” part of “social media”? — Marian Schembari

  221. Often I don’t bother responding to a blog post or making any comments, but in this case I feel the need to say ‘well done’!

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