RIP, Barnaby Jones Pickles

I didn’t want to write this but it feels wrong not to since I share so much of my life here.  This isn’t a funny or entertaining post and you have my full permission to skip it.

Yesterday Barnaby Jones died.  I left him outside on his dog run when I went to pick up Hailey from daycare and when I came back he was dead.  His face was swollen and it looked like he’d had a seizure but there were no puncture wounds so we suspect he had an allergic reaction from a bee or wasp sting.  I hope he died quickly and painlessly and I’ll never forgive myself for not being here.  Victor is out of town so I put a movie on for Hailey so she wouldn’t notice and then I carried him down to the valley on our property and I buried him and cried until I couldn’t cry anymore.  Victor said I should have waited until he was back home so he could do it but I just needed it to be over.  We debated on the phone about what to tell Hailey and finally decided to tell her the truth.  We cried and slept together on the couch and every few hours she’d wake me up to ask me if it was just a bad dream.  Then she cried and asked if we could go buy another pug and call him Barnaby Jones and just pretend he never died.  I told her that maybe one day we could get another dog but the truth is that I can’t handle this again.  I will never own another dog.

This morning we went for a walk and I reminded Hailey that Barnaby was still with us in our hearts and was probably running around in dog heaven.  Then she looked up at the clouds and said quite seriously that whenever it rained it would probably be Barnaby Jones peeing.  Then she yelled “MOMMY!  I FELT A DROP!  I THINK BARNABY JONES JUST PEED ON ME!” and she smiled for the first time since it happened.  And I smiled too.  And it was good.

I'll miss your rabbity face.

PS.  If you have a pet, please go hug them extra tight today.

565 thoughts on “RIP, Barnaby Jones Pickles

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Oh, I’m sorry for this loss. I don’t have pets and one of the reasons I’m afraid to is for the way that it introduces kids to mortality. I’ve heard that is one reason to DO it, of course, but it intimidates me. I think the way you handled this was perfect and honest.
    Hugs to you both today. And more raindrops. xo

  2. I’m crying too. I have a pug, Molson. He is 8. There are no words. I wish I didn’t read this, but I read everything you write 🙁

  3. I’ve read your blog for quite a while, and it’s helped me through hard times. So I just wanted to take a second to post that I’m really sorry about Barnaby. It’s just not fair for that to happen, and it’s hard, and it’s sad. I’m sorry.

  4. Bless your heart. I feel your pain girlie. I’ll be wallerin’ pupzilla, the boston baked beagle and the little chihuahuaranian extra hard tonight. BTW, Hailey sounds just as awesome as her mom 🙂

  5. What a beautiful dog! I’m sorry Barnaby Jones died. I can tell he was truly a part of your family, and it sucks when an integral part of your life is taken away.

  6. RIP Barnaby Jones. I am sorry for your loss. He’s had a good life and is surely running around in dog heaven now looking down on you. I hope Hailey stops crying soon. I hope each time you cry, it gets a bit easier. {{{hugs}}}

  7. I’m not going to tell you that I’m sorry for your loss. I’m going to tell you that I love my dogs more than I love most people and I’m so amazed that you are as coherent and eloquent as you are during this time. You and your daughter amaze me.
    Sending you internet hugs, and hopefully Barnaby Jones will pee on me too.

  8. We almost lost our Pug, Willow, last fall, and it was one of the scariest days of my life. Pugs have a way of grabbing onto your heart and just never letting go. So sorry Jenny.

  9. I saw you mention this on twitter, and didn’t know what to say then. I still really don’t now, but I know how much it hurts from experience, and all my love to you and Hailey and Victor.

    I need to go hug my cats now.

  10. Oh, Jenny. I’m so sorry. It’s awful to lose a pet, just glaringly awful all by itself and when you have to act brave and wise for the benefit of your kids, it’s just that much worse. I hope that in time you might decide to have another dog, because the utter awesomeness of their unique brand of cuckoo is really so much exponentially bigger than the reality that you’ll lose them one day. Grief is a bitch, I’m really sorry you had to join this dumb club today.

  11. Aww, poor thing. I really hope he didn’t died painfully or anything like that. 🙁
    I’m so sorry for your loss. *hug*

    And I have to add – it’s so amazing how kids explain things to themselves. It always surprises me. In a good way, of course. 🙂

  12. I’m so sorry. I’ve been through similar pain and it was awful and heart-wrenching and I never thought I would recover. But for my husband’s sake we adopted another shelter dog seven months after we lost our second dog. I still have horrible thoughts about losing him, or him just getting old – and I check his breathing all the time when he’s sleeping. I know he thinks I’m crazy. But even with all the paranoia, he’s made me smile again. I’m not saying that you need to replace Barnaby, I’m just telling you this to illustrate that it is traumatic to lose a pet – especially so suddenly as you did – but your heart does mend itself eventually. You can’t see it now and you can’t rush it, but some day you’ll be able to look back on his memories and smile. It just takes a long time.

    I’m so sorry for your loss – I’ll send a mental note to my pups to look for Barnaby and show him the ropes up therein doggie heaven.

  13. So sorry for your loss. We have a chibeagle and that dog annoys the shit out of me, but I love her. My boys never want to walk her, but they love her too. My husband will curse her when he wakes up at 5 am on a cold, wet day and has to take her out, but he loves her too. I’m sure Barnaby Jones is in doggy heaven peeing down on you every day!

  14. I’m so sorry for your loss. We had the same thing happen last year. I wanted to wait to get another dog, but my daughter pressed and pressed the issue so I bought her a new dog the next week…and it was a great birthday present for her. He’s crazy, wild and psychotic…but I wouldn’t change him at all…except for when he poos in the house…

  15. Totally agree with your move to tell the truth about Barnaby Jones and not just replace with another adorable pug that might not measure up. Ugh, losing pets are such a hurt, always. I am going to be thinking of Barnaby Jones today when it rains.

  16. I’m so so sorry you lost your beloved Barnaby Jones. Losing a dog is hard; harder than losing some people, because dogs are always awesome and never judgmental. I love Hailey’s theory about the rain. I have to be done with this now, because I promised myself I wouldn’t cry. Huge hugs to you and your whole family. <3

  17. I think Hailey got it right. He’s up there. And he’s running & having fun & peeing on everything. Love & hugs to all 3 of you. xoxo. RIP Barnaby Jones.

  18. So sorry to hear about Barnaby Jones Pickles 🙁 XOXO to you and your family. We should all observe a moment of “virtual” silence.

  19. Oh, the painof it all. I’m glad you found him, and not your little one.

    Yeah, I still remember the pain of losing our Coco at 7 years old. It lasted forever….

    I’m so sorry.

  20. The loss is always heartbreaking, because the joy and love our pets give us is so unconditional. {{{{HUGS}}}} to you and Hailey.

  21. Wow. I know you have probably heard it a lot over the past couple of days, but I am truly sorry for your loss. I had a cat growing up, Mr. Wobbles, and he died unexpectedly as well. It was winter and it looked as if he had fallen from a tree branch and knocked his head on something on the way down. (He wasn’t the brightest of kitties.) I was just a child, so I know what your daughter feels like. It made me appreciate a lot of things just that much more. Now, grown up, I have 5 dogs in the house. Yes. Five. It’s crazy, but I cannot fathom losing any one of them. I am glad you posted this. I’m sure it hurts now, but it’s helped the healing begin.

  22. I know nothing I say is going to make you feel any better, but, like you, I just have to say it. I am so, so very sorry for your loss. I have lost 3 dogs and 1 cat so far in my life and each one is extremely difficult and just crushes my soul a little more every time. I absolutely believe that “all dogs go to heaven.” How can they not? They are completely innocent, beautiful creatures who bring such joy to our lives. I know you said you will never own another dog again, but it is very soon. I currently have 2 dogs and 4 cats and, as much as they are often a pain in my ass, I can’t imagine my life without them (or animals, in general). Each day is a gift with them, no matter how much longer they will be there. All I can promise you is that it WILL get easier as time passes. *HUGS*

  23. I know exactly how you feel. I had three dogs that I adored and when they died I felt like a part of me died with them. My last two dogs had a horrible, painful death,and I cried for days. I also told myself I would never, ever want to go through this again. And yet, 5 years later, I’m starting to reconsider my decision as I watch people with their dogs on the street. I miss mine so much… So, I can’t hug mine anymore, but I can send you a virtual hug. So there: *hugs*

  24. I’m so sorry! Big hugs for you and Hailey!

    I lost all my birds to teflon poisoning (me leaving the windows open and someone somewhere overheating or burning teflon or nonstick pans or something) and it is still so hard to deal with. It is still too painful I don’t ever want to have another bird. Or any other animal.

    I’ll go ahead and have a good cry for Barnaby Jones, if you don’t mind.

  25. I cried when I read this. I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for telling us, we do care – even when it’s not funny. I will hug my four-legged baby extra tight right now. Love and hugs to you and yours.

  26. oh. i’m SO sorry. pets become members of the family and it’s devastating when anything happens to them.

    may you have lots of rainy pee days 😮

    (just add that to the “things i never thought i’d say” list.)

  27. I would never skip it. I read ur blog because u are so honest and our pets are a part of our family. Tho I dont think I will go home and hug my bird Snuffy. That bitch BITES! I still love her. *HUGS* To u and ur daughter.

  28. Well, it’s a good thing I didn’t wear mascara today because I’m pouring out all my tears for you guys. We lost our oldest dog almost a year ago and I still get choked up and teary when I try to talk about her. I know how much you loved and adored Barnaby Jones, and he was lucky to have you all as his family.

    I might just let the dogs sleep in the bed with me tonight in his honor. Farts bad breath and all.

  29. Aw fuck. I am so sorry. I wish I could make my shoes magically appear for you two to dance around in Barnaby Jones pee.

  30. Oh, Jenny — I’m so sorry. Please know that all your many fans/stalkers are crying for you and Hailey and Victor. Poor Barnaby Jones. I’ve enjoyed reading about his adventures, and I love the idea that he’s peeing on you from Doggie Heaven. Peace.

  31. Ugh. Losing a pet is so hard. We had to put down our 3 year old Boston Terrier last summer after a seizure disorder wracked his body. There are no words.

    Just hugs.

    xoxoxo

  32. I am so, so sorry. Big cyber-hugs to you & your family. I have lost beloved pets before and know the big hole that leaves in your heart. I would go hug my cat but she’d be all “get outa here” because our relationship is totally on her terms. So I have to wait until she deigns to sit in my lap, then I’ll give her an extra squeeze.

  33. i remember loosing my first dog… we had to put her to sleep…. my mom didn’t let me be home for that… it’s been 9 years…
    of course my mom said no more dogs as you did, but my dad, my brother and i can’t live without a dog… ana passed away december 18th, elo came for christmas…. and i’m now realizing that she could pass away and break our hearts all over again….

    truth is, it’s hard to not have a pet…. and it’s also hard to loose one, we love them so dearly…

    all my love for you, hailey and victor 🙂
    and if my elo hadn’t just ripped appart my dad’s flowers i’d go hug her…

  34. I know what it’s like to lose a beloved pet. I lost mine 15 years ago, and I still miss that sweet Sheltie. I know you said not to say, “I’m sorry,” but I am going to anyway. I am really sorry you had to lose Barnaby Jones in such a sudden, terrible way. But aren’t kids wonderful? In the middle of the grief, they can innocently say the funniest things that you can’t help but giggle, or at least smile a little.

  35. Hugs to all of you. Dogs are special. They love you like only a dog can. I partly named my dog after Barnaby- my Chug’s name is Buster Boo Barnaby Bigglesworth Sandifer. I thought of you guys when I tacked on the Barnaby.
    I don’t know what else to say except hugs.

  36. i am so sorry, jenny.

    last week i lost my beloved dog, also. he was attached like a leech to my ass from the time he was six weeks old…he was nine when he died.

    it was more emotionally devastating (maybe i sometimes over medicate?) than i thought it was going to be…a week later, even the simplest shit can make me burst into tears.

    obviously i can differentiate between the love for a pet and that of my children…but jasper was my constant through A LOT of life shit.

    i will miss him, and i am so very sorry for you and your family.

    so probably you want to go and read my post about my dog to make you feel even shittier:

    http://www.findingfairytales.com/2010/08/dog.html

    you’re welcome.

    love you.

  37. I’m so sorry Bloggess. Losing your pet is worse than losing people. Animals always love you. People don’t. Unless you have a good selection in people. But that’s besides the point.

    I am keeping you guys in my thoughts and prayers and all that jazz. Hope your recovery is quick. Your puppy is in a better place. <3

  38. I’ve been here too, with my 16-year-old Burman cat who was actually a dog. It also happened very suddenly, and I thought I’d never get another kitten. Well, guess what?

    Sounds like Hailey will help you through this. I don’t think it ever stops hurting, but it gets easier to be happy for the time you spent together and all the good memories. Like that line from Shadowlands, “the pain now is part of the happiness then. That’s the deal.”

  39. It hurts so much to lose a beloved family pet. We have lost our parents and many friends and colleagues (we’re both 70) but the dogs and cats we lived with and loved have been just as great a loss. Our hearts go out to you and your family.
    Ed and Pat Lemon

  40. My eighteen year old daughter said the same thing about adopting a rescue dog. “Mom, I don’t want to get attached, the dog get old and then he dies. I couldn’t handle it.” I still miss Lupie (aka Lisa Lupner) and she’s been dead for eight years. I’m so sorry to hear of your loss.

  41. lame :/ pets become part of the family, and it always sucks. i think it’s even worse when it’s sudden like this. i went and hugged my kittehs (well, the two that would let me) before i replied. it looks like barnaby jones was a grinning fool of a dog, and i’m glad you were able to share the times you were with him.

  42. my heart hurts for all of you. I will squeeze our new pupptight tonight. I am sorry for your loss. Your daughter is amazing, really. And when it rains I will think of him.

  43. Oh, Jenny. I’m so, so sorry. Please don’t blame yourself; even if you were there, it may have ended the same (but with the added trauma of seeing it happen). Sending hugs and sympathy.

  44. We lost our beloved Dexter in June — also without warning — and it felt like being repeatedly and brutally punched in the gut.

    It hurts so much to lose a pet, very much like losing a friend that happens to live in your house.

    I am so sorry for your loss and for the pain you, Hailey and Victor feel right now.

  45. I know on Twitter you said you didn’t want us to say we were sorry. But, man, I just can’t think of anything else to say. I am so very very sorry. We lost our black Lab, Otis, on 4th of July weekend. He was our first pet as grown-ups and I had no idea how truly awful it would be.

    Sending you all much love, Jenny.

  46. I’m so sorry for your loss. And please forgive yourself, and remember that because of the sweet nature of animals and of those who love them, the time y’all had together was so precious.

  47. I am so sad to hear of the loss of Barnaby 🙁 My thoughts are with you & your family.

  48. I don’t even know what to say because “I’m sorry” doesn’t cover what you’re feeling. Dog love is the best kind of love in the whole world and nothing can take its place. I’m crying as I write this and can’t wait to get home to my two pups so I can smother them with all of my love that isn’t even enough for them or good enough for them because they’re better than me.

    Thank you for sharing this. My hear t is breaking for you and the only thing I can say is that Barnaby Jones still loves you and always will. Dog love doesn’t end. Never, ever.

  49. Oh no! I’m so very, very, very sorry! But please don’t swear off owning another dog. There are so many out there that are abandoned or abused by people with no love or respect for animals. You gave your pooch all the love in the world and it’s just unfortunately and terribly an accident. Could have happened to anyone, anytime.
    You can best preserve Barnaby’s memory by learning to love and care for another pup. It just takes time, that’s all.
    Take care.

  50. Oh honey… so sorry. Love to you and the familia. Bad ass dogs CLEARLY go to heaven, I should make an animated feature film about that…. 🙂 xo

  51. Oh, sweetie! Many hugs! This post has me near crying. I shall hug my pups for you extra tight today.

    Both my dogs are allergic to bees, and I’ve had 2 frantic rushes to the vet. They swell up like the Elephant Man and I always cry because I’m worried. I just….I can’t even keep typing. Much love to you and your family.

  52. Reading your post just breaks my heart and I’m having to wipe away tears because…. I know!
    I know from experience there is always a feeling of guilt when you lose a pet: Did I do too little? Too much? What if I..?

    Please don’t blame yourself. *hug* Freak accidents happen. They just do.

    My grandmother used to say, “Time is the only cure for grief. It is a reservoir of love, with nowhere to flow right now.”

  53. Losing a pet is hard. Losing a dog, being man’s best friend and all, is especially hard. Nothing to curl up on you and drool and fart. It sounds unappealing but I wouldn’t trade my BDD’s big butt for anything.
    (I have to right to withdrawal the previous statement if a winning lottery ticket presents itself. Just saying.)

  54. Oh Jenny I’m so so sorry. I know you said you didn’t want anybody to say that to you on Twitter, but since you wrote this I can’t help it. How awful that you had to do that without Victor. Thank goodness for Hailey’s little spirit 🙂

  55. We had five pups, almost all the same age -and started losing them last year, one at a time. The third is well on his way, so we’re just making him comfortable. It doesn’t get any easier. (((((HUGS to you all))))

  56. Oh Jenny, that just sucks. I am so sorry sweet friend. I am praying for peace to you and your sweet family. (((((hug)))))

  57. I like the thought that rain is Barnaby peeing on me. Beats the hell out of what my grandparents used to tell me rain is, which is angels crying. Somehow, a peeing dog just makes more karmic cosmic sense. Hugs.

  58. I know you don’t want people to say sorry, but I’m sorry.

    I love that Hailey clearly has your zany sense of humor. Follow her lead. You’ll get through this.

  59. Losing a pup is like losing the most unconditional love source one has. I feel for you, and your family. I too, have lost some very special dogs. Never say never about not getting another, because, honestly, there are many dogs that need a loving home. And whilst it is sad when anyone or anything dies, it is the natural course of life, and you certainly would not refrain from doing other things because they might end, or something might happen, right? You have a child, an amazing commitment to make in life. Treasure the good memories, and make new ones. Take care.

  60. Oh, so so so sorry Jenny. It sucks big time. I have a pug too, who is my first baby. I will be completely lost without him when he dies. Not looking forward to the day…..keep your head up and know that Barnaby will pee on you guys again soon.

  61. Last year we had to put our dog of 9 years to sleep because he’d gotten cancer. It was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. Pets quickly become part of the family and you wind up loving them so intensely. I’m wishing you peace and sending hugs to your and your family.

  62. Jenny I feel you. I’m so very sorry for your loss. Someone once sent me a forward about a dog that writes a letter to their owners from heaven, thanking them for everything and I cried for days. I still get teary eyed just from thinking about it. And I don’t even know why I’m telling you this but I guess what I’m saying is that I’m sure barnaby jones is too happy in heaven to be writing or emailing.
    Hugs from Mexico.

  63. We love you through the funny things, we will still love you through the sad. I told myself I would never have another dog with Murphy died of cancer, but then bat-head showed up on my doorstep a few years later and I could not say no. The years of love far outweigh the months of sadness, when it’s all said and done.

  64. I’m so sorry, Jenny. I’m sorry he passed away when you weren’t there, and Victor wasn’t there. I love Hailey’s resilience and that she could smile and make you smile today. Hold on tightly, let go lightly. My thoughts are with you, Hailey, Victor and that rascally pug, Barnaby Jones Pickles today. x

  65. I’m so sad now. I didn’t even know that dog and I really liked him so I can’t even begin to imagine how much you miss him.
    I’m sorry, and I’m going to go sit with both of my dogs right now and give them that hug.

  66. So sudden! That must’ve been very shocking. I’m so sorry that it happened like that, that it happened at all. Hugs to you and your family.

  67. So sorry for your loss. I understand the pain. Our Zoe (a french bulldog) seemed fineTuesday morning (Aug 17th). My kids played with her, we left her outside for about 4 hours, and came home to find her dead. We couldn’t find any reason. Losing a pet is always difficult but when it’s unexpected like that, it really shocks your world. Hoping you are filled with good memories of your sweet barnaby.

  68. I am so sorry for your loss. Our pets are so much a part of the family and it’s horrible when they pass. I hope you and your little girl can smile more often when you think of your cute little pug. So sad 🙁 I’ll hug my Gus (my big dopey German Shephard) when I get home.

  69. I missed the “don’t tell me you’re sorry” post on Twitter, so I apologize for my sorrys. So, um, sorry? Fuck. I’ll have a shot of whiskey in memory of Barnaby Jones Pickles tonight.

  70. This just plain sucks. Big HUGE hugs to you all…..he was one lucky dog to have you for his family!! RIP little guy!

  71. When I had to put my cat to sleep, my husband refused to go out and buy me a cat that looked exactly him so we could just pretend Max was still alive and the whole thing had never happened. At the time I thought he was being a jerk, but maybe he was just so heartbroken that he couldn’t bear the thought of going through that again. Do you think a year later is too late to apologize for throwing that plate at his head?

    I’m so, so sorry about Barnaby Jones. I’ll hug my pets extra hard today for him. And if Barnaby runs into Max in pet heaven, I hope he’ll give him a head scritch from me.

  72. Oh Jenny! This just sucks in so many ways. I’m sure that Barnaby Jones went to his afterlife very quickly & easily. I felt so mad (I thought that it was my own fault when my sweet Guinea Pig Sappho died) & vowed that I wouldn’t love like that again. But I found that I could, and did, by giving 3 other shelter Guinea Pigs a home & a gorgeous spoiled feline named Zoe.
    You don’t have to consider it now, but you can love again. And I hope that your family can give a rescue baby a second chance at a great life.
    I’ll truly think of Barnaby Jones whenever the sky pees…
    Much Love from The Minx

  73. We’ve been there, too, letting go of someone so integral to our lives, so emotionally entangled in everything. Simon (a black lab mutt) loved me through everything – panic attacks, insomnia, depression, getting married, having kids. I still miss him. For my son, we adopted another lab. And now those two are inseperable.

    I don’t think you have to be strong. You just have to be honest. It’s good for Hailey to know that it’s ok to be sad. And it’s ok to still smile.

    Barnaby Jones, you are awesome.

  74. Oh i am so sorry for your loss my friend. I too this past July lost my baby Daphne. She was hit by a passing car. It was a terrible terrible thing and it really hurts more then anyone who hasn’t lost a fur friend can understand. I know that people say that eventually it does get better and it gets easier, and I’m sure it does. Time is all it takes and it has a weird way of going by fast, and slow at the same time. I *heart* u Jenny, i really do. Don’t blame yourself, i did that and its not productive at all but its a stage in grieving so i guess its necessary in a way. Maybe you and Haley can put together a memorial shadow box for Barnaby, they have them at Michaels or Hobby Lobby. A little project you guys can do together when your ready and hang it on your wall.

    🙁 my heart goes out to your and yours. A million hugs to you my friend.

  75. I don’t have a pet right now but we are in the process of looking for a canine addition to our family. A few years ago we got a beagle puppy named Wilson. He was just 10 weeks old when he wrapped his self around a post under our deck died trying to get free. I cried for weeks and don’t think I will ever forgive myself. We knew him such a short time and I can only imagine what it is like losing a friend who has been with the family as long as Barnaby Jones Pickles has been with yours. I can’t hug my pet so I am sending my hugs to you and your family while you grieve. (((hugs)))

  76. Oh, my dear, my dear, my dear, dear Jenny! I send you and Victor and Hailey all my love, but I am going to have to be stern with you: Hailey is right. Do exactly what she says: get another dog immediately and name him Barnaby Jones. That new pug will die if he doesn’t get a home. You will save him (or her). THAT is going to feel GREAT. You are going to learn a LOT more and be a much better person going this route. You ARE strong enough. Really: new pug. Drop everything: new pug. Trust me: new pug.

    I’m mentoring you about this because I learned it myself the hard way. But also because you have built a loyal following that has an awful lot of people with depression whom you inspire to keep living. So you have become a leader. You won’t just be healing your daughter by fulfilling her desire and meeting her need to have a dog. You won’t just be healing yourself and Victor. You won’t just be answering the prayers of a little pug that there is a home and family for him. You will be saving the lives of some of your readers by showing them how to survive through a loss.

    Fill your daughter’s heart with joy: new pug. Save lives, including your own: new pug. Drop everything: new pug. You ARE strong enough to do this: new pug.

  77. I don’t mean to make you cry anymore then you already have but this poem is so beautiful and gave me comfort.

    “Lend me a Pet”

    I will lend to you for awhile
    a pet, God said,
    For you to love him while he lives
    and to mourn for him when he is gone.
    Maybe for twelve or fourteen years,
    or maybe for two or three
    But will you, till I call him back
    take care of him for me?

    He’ll bring his charms to gladden you
    and (should his stay be brief)
    you’ll always have his memories
    as solace for your grief.
    I cannot promise that he will stay,
    since all from earth return,
    But there are lessons taught below
    I want this pet to learn.

    I’ve looked the whole world over
    in search of teachers true
    And from the folk that crowd life’s land
    I have chosen YOU.
    Now will you give him all your love
    Nor think the labor vain
    Nor hate me when I come to take my pet back again.

    I fancied that I heard them say
    “Dear Lord Thy Will Be Done,”
    For all the joys this pet will bring,
    the risk of grief you’ll run.

    Will you shelter him with tenderness
    Will you love him while you may
    And for the happiness you’ll know forever grateful stay.
    But should I call him back
    much sooner than you’ve planned
    Please brave the bitter grief that comes
    and try to understand.

    If, by your love, you’ve managed
    my wishes to achieve,
    In memory of him that you’ve loved,
    cherish every moment with your faithful bundle,
    and know he loved you too.

    Unknown

  78. I’m so sorry. I went through it a few months ago with my dog who had brain cancer, and it was slow and awful, but still I was thankful for the time to ease into the idea of losing her. I’ve said every day since that I don’t know how someone would cope if it were to happen suddenly and unexpectedly. I don’t blame you for not wanting another dog. I’m sending good thoughts your way this weekend.

    Also, people will try to give you books. Picture books. Rainbow Bridge. Dogs in Heaven. Stuff like that, stuff that will make you cry. When they do, punch them in the crotch. Seriously. Like you need to cry more.

  79. I feel just awful for you. I know how devastating the sudden loss of a beloved pet can be and there’s nothing that can make it better. And for it to happen when Victor was out of town is even worse. It’s times like these when we really need a partner to hold our hand and help us get through the days and nights.

    Our pug Ginger died suddenly a a few years ago of cyanide poisoning after eating a bunch of loquats that had fallen into our yard from the neighbor’s tree. And our daughter was about the same age Hailey is now. She was devastated at first, but, just like Hailey, immediately wanted to know if we could get another dog. Kids are so amazingly resilient I’m jealous sometimes.

    I’m going to make a donation to PugHearts of Houston in memory of Barnaby Jones. Virtual hugs to you all.

  80. There’s nothing to say about losing a family member that makes anyone feel better, but know that there’s safety in numbers and you’re not the first person to go through this. You’ll make it, it’ll be a slow process, but you’ll make it. And you have thousands of people willing to help. I’d give you a giant hug if I could.

  81. you will have another dog. it may not feel like it now, but it’s all worth it.

    i won’t say i’m sorry for your loss. i’m only sorry that victor wasn’t there to help you through this. i hope when he comes home, there’s a downpour of pee for you three to go out and be in.

  82. I’ve been reading your blog for a long time, but I don’t think I’ve ever left a comment, does that make me a lurker? I guess but it’s ok, I’ll embrace the title.

    We lost our cat recently and it’s hard and our hearts were broken. I’m so, so very sorry for the loss of your cute Barnaby Jones. I hope you and your family are able to remember how happy you made him and how happy he made y’all.

    Aunt Crazy

  83. Oh, Jenny … My heart goes out to you! I have a dog I almost lost, and I remember those moments when he was so sick, looking at him, wondering if he would make it that absolutely killed me. I also completely understand what you mean about not getting another dog because that is just way too hard to go through again.

    Just rest in the idea that he didn’t suffer, and he sleeping soundly & peacefully now. No pain, just taking a little nap.

    It will eventually hurt less, I promise.

  84. When my bird died last year I cried for days. I can’t even imagine what it would be like for a dog.
    I’m sending virtual love and support your way.

  85. I am so sorry for your lose.! I know how hard it is losing a pet, I just lost my 19 year old cat in February. So heartbreaking. But I hope once the pain isn’t so fresh that you’ll rethink adopting another dog. Life is just so much better with them to love.

    Giant hugs!
    Lola

  86. @Steam Me Up, Kid LOL!!! Perfectly fine… I thought the same thing, but now its what we have in her shadowbox and i damn near have it memorized. 🙂

  87. It took us a few years, but eventually we got another dog. Having one die suddenly, or making the decision to end their pain – I don’t know that either is easier. I know that for the three trips I’ve made to the vet, I’ve always stayed to the end. And I remember all three pretty darn well. I suppose I could have dropped them off and left – lots of people do. But, I was pretty sure I would be OK and that it would be better for them. Just depends and the person, I guess.

    Save his collar. You won’t be able to look at it now, most likely. But, eventually you will.

  88. Here’s my family sending loads of hugs, tons of kisses, and a million soft pillows to land on when you break your fall. Grief is so much like falling without anything to grab on to. I’ve grieved for each of my pets more than for most people. My pets have been inside my heart with me more than most people – that’s why. And when your children are also ushered into the pain…. I haven’t faced that yet but I can just imagine. Please know you aren’t alone. xxoo

  89. I’m so sorry. Losing a beloved friend is a terrible thing. A quote that often brings me peace in these times: “Grief is the price we pay for love; it is the cost of commitment.” The heartache is a testament to your love and the flipside of all those wonderful memories you’ll revel in again someday soon. God bless.

  90. SFYL.
    I’m going to picture your Barnaby Jones running around with Barnaby Jones/Jed Clampett.
    In my afterlife dream, they are both peeing on trees, and hanging out at the cement pond.

    Iloveyou 🙂

  91. Ugh, that tweet hit me like a bullet last night. Six years ago my cat Isabella died of kidney failure at only 18 months old… she was a gift from my now-husband so I’d have a companion while he went to school in another state. I still miss her. Our boxer turns 8 next month and while I’m terrified of what lies ahead, I’m grateful to have had him as long as we have. Poor Barnaby. All dogs go to heaven… they’re the best souls of all.

  92. Jenny, my heart goes out to you and your family. You’ve made me laugh a thousand times, and you’ve made me cry once. That’s a fair trade, in my world. Going to hug my dogs now…

  93. RIP Barnaby Jones Pickles.
    As someone who does animal rescue work, I ask that you delay your decision on getting or not getting another dog. I read the following story:

    “Why Dogs Don’t Live as Long As People” by Robin Downing, DVM

    Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog’s owner, his wife, and their little boy were all very attached to Belker and they were hoping for a miracle. I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family there were no miracles left for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

    As we made arrangements, the owners told me they thought it would be good for the four-year-old boy to observe the procedure. They felt he could learn something from the experience.

    The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker’s family surrounded him. The little boy seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on.

    Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept Belker’s transition without any difficulty or confusion.

    We sat together for a while after Belker’s death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.

    The little boy, who had been listening quietly, piped up, “I know why.”

    Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I’d never heard a more comforting explanation. He said, “Everybody is born so that they can learn how to live a good life – like loving everybody and being nice, right?” The four-year- old continued, “Well, animals already know how to do that, so they don’t have to stay as long.”

    Thinking of you and yours. XO

  94. This hurts my heart. I have fur babies too and dread “that” day. I left something for you in your Twitter DM box.. when your ready, its there.

  95. I sat here quite a while, not knowing what to say but wanting to say something comforting. Instead of comforting thoughts, I remembered my pets that have passed on, and I still miss them. And missing someone hurts. At that point, I thought perhaps I shouldn’t leave a comment at all, since commiseration usually just makes me feel worse about something, but I had another thought about how much joy and happiness each of those pets brought into my life. Try not to remember Barnaby Jones as you found him. Remember him stabbing you with chicken- http://thebloggess.com/?p=6151 or by his beautiful portrait- http://thebloggess.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/pug.jpg or his funny rabbit forehead- http://thebloggess.com/?p=7541 or putting him in his sleeping bag- http://thebloggess.com/?p=1838 or how excited you were to name him- http://thebloggess.com/?p=1055

    Maybe looking at all of those things would make you sad right now or maybe it would help you cry and laugh and remember your love for Barnaby Jones Pickles. A lot of our comments are full of advice, but everyone grieves differently. Do what you need to do for you and Hailey and Victor. Many hugs.

    (Also, I’m not a stalker. I just google well.)

  96. I lost my dog in January. It wasn’t so sudden, but almost. Apparently he’s had imperceptible internal bleeding for some time, and he went from great health to dead in a week. It was horrible – he was a member of the family. And I miss him every day.

    But, I’m thankful for everything else I still have. And you have a beautiful little girl. Go give her a big hug too.

    p.s. she looks beautiful in that dress!

  97. please reconsider getting another dog when your feelings have had a chance to run their course. There are so many dogs that need good homes and love, which your family obviously has otherwise you would not be upset.
    With that said, I have never had the shock of finding one of my animals dead. Take your time to heal from this trauma.

  98. Hugs. We have a pug as well and I’m sorry for your loss. It’s hard to lose a pet, especially so quickly.

  99. Oh I am so so sorry for your loss!
    Losing a pet is truly like losing a part of the family, a part of you. I couldn’t imagine having it happen so suddenly and unexpectedly. Cherish the memories you have of your lovely friend.

  100. That sucks. I am sorry that you guys are sad.

    It also sucks that now, whenever I am in the rain I will be thinking of dog pee.

  101. Thanks for sharing! Many tears shed with you as you mourn Barnaby Jones, I mourn Leo my parakeet who flew away because I didn’t close the door behind me! It was 10 years ago and I still mourn losing my friend who sat on my big toe while I watched late night TV.Lost Baby another parakeet from teflon poisening, didn’t know it was harmful until I researched it after she died. My daughter was older then, her big brother made a small wooden cross from twigs and she tied a ribbon to it, we buried Baby in the flower garden. Forgiveness for yourself will come. Remember the good times and I would like to offer a suggestion for you and your daughter – a visit to a local pet store to give the puppies love, not to bring one home ever again. I do this with my daughhter and we spend about an hour visiting dogs who just need love while they wait for their new family. It was a theraputic way for her to heal after divorce and the dog stayed with daddy.its been 6 years ago, she is 12 now and we still go to the pet store once in awhile. Now she is asking to be a foster mom to dogs waiting for homes, something to think about later on maybe.
    Everything happens for a reason, may your heart heal as you cherish the memories with Barnaby Jones. (not sure how old your daughter is but a stuffed animal that resembles him might be fun too) hope you have a nice weekend. Be Blessed =)

  102. I am so sorry to hear about Barnaby Jones, Jenny. Big hugs to you and your family. Barnaby Jones will always be a legend imprinted in your memory and hearts.

  103. I am so sorry for your loss. Thanks for sharing. Big hugs. I don’t have a dog here where I live, but my brother does, so I will hug them instead.

  104. 6 years ago, while I was away from the house, an exterminator went there to spray under my porch. Instead, my idiot roomie let him into my house, where he sprayed a poison so toxic that all 3 of my beloved pets were dead within a week. I will never own another pet again, either. I empathize completely, J. I’m holding a good thought for you and yours. <3

  105. It might seem redundant with your like 155 comments preceding me, but I just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear about your loss. It is never ever easy to lose a pet – I’m glad you guys are doing okay, though I know “okay” is a relative term here.

  106. So sorry about BJP. I will hug my pugs a little tighter tonight. And spoil them with a few extra dog treats.

  107. Oh Jenny, I am so so sorry. I felt like I’d never be able to breathe again when we lost our Pooka. It just hurts *so* much and there’s nothing that takes the sharp awfulness away but time. Then it just becomes mushy awfulness, but the breathing gets easier. Hugs.

  108. …That’s the saddest damn thing I’ve heard all week. I’m sorry your dog died. Hope you’re alright, which feels really dumb to type, but there it is. So. Really, really sorry.

  109. Oh Jenny and Family

    I am so sorry for the loss of Barnaby. I have three dogs and a cat and over the years, my family and I have lost many cats to illness and old age. I remember when we lost our dear Teddy. I was graduating from college and he suddenly became ill and had passed within a matter of hours. The vet couldn’t explain it. I remember my dad hugging me and crying like a baby and telling me “this hurts too much, I can’t ever do this again”. For years my parents did not get another cat because my father (of all people – not my mother!) couldn’t handle losing them. For some reason the powers that be (God, Allah or evolution – whatever it is that you believe) have determined that some animals aren’t meant to live as long as we are. But each one brings with him or her a special spirit to share with your family. I don’t believe there are coincidences. Each animal comes into our lives with something special to have and to share. It’s something that at that moment in time, your family needs. I do hope that in time you will consider having another pet. The loss is terrible. I am crying from your post and of course, went and hugged all of my pets and told them I lovelovelove them. And as usual, they cock their head to the sides and look at me like I am crazy. Because I think they know they are here for a shorter time – but they live in the moment – and bring their moments to us and share with us unconditionally. So even if we lose them much earlier than we should or want to – that’s something precious to share with your family – and a fabulous gift to continue to give to a child. Love and loss are always hard.
    My thoughts are with you – and yes – keep in mind everytime it rains Barnaby is peeing on you. I hope you receive lots of reminders of Barnaby and know that he knows he was loved dearly.

  110. I think Hailey is a very special, very wise little girl. I’m sorry about Barnaby. I’m sorry that you’ve lost your friend.

  111. i’m so so sorry.
    i’m going to squeeze the crap out of my cat when i get home.
    and please please please forgive yourself. you didn’t do anything wrong. you know that, right? please tell me you know that.

  112. There is quite possibly nothing worse in the world short of losing a loved one than that feeling. I’m sorry. Incredibly so. The dog we got when I was four died when I was thirteen (eight years ago) and I still can’t talk about it without completely falling apart. But I can’t wait until I can get my own. Somehow, the unconditional love and exuberance dogs bring into your life is worth it.

    At least, I hope it is. Because I’m not sure life would be at all sweet if it wasn’t.

    P.S. I was already obsessed with your blog before I realized you had named your dog Barnaby Jones Pickles. That name? Genius. Sheer, mad genius. (“Ooo, I forgot to get pickles. They’re for a party I’m having. You wanna come? There’s gonna be pickles! If I get ’em…”) I’ll watch some Frisky Dingo tonight just for you and BJP.

  113. I’m so sorry Jenny. I can understand why you feel bad, but it was not your fault. It was a horrible accident. You loved Barnaby Jones and he knew that.

    Hugs

  114. Oh no! Barnaby:(
    I’m so sorry for your loss…I have nothing smart to say today. In fact, today….I will hug @thebastardcat and actually mean it.
    Thinking of you and your family……

  115. Oh I am SO sorry to hear this!! I always give my [15 year-old, diabetic, toothless] cat as much love as possible because dang it she deserves it, but I’ll give her a lil’ extra on top of that today.

    : (

    and please DO forgive yourself! this was SO beyond your control…

  116. My Great Dane, Chassis died almost two months ago – she only lived to be 5. I’m still sad. 🙁

    But if I know my Chassis, she’s already welcomed Barnaby Jones into heaven and has shown him the best spots to run and play, the best smells to sniff, the best places to chase things and pee. You know, other than on Hailey. 🙂

    My thoughts are with you – both now and in the months to come.

    ((hugs))

  117. I sent twitter hugs yesterday. I’ll send some more now. It’s horrid when they die, but their lives are not about their deaths. We talk about our beloved border collie who died suddenly three whole years ago now every single day. We discuss how the dogs we have now aren’t like her and how they are. We love them too, and will talk about them just as much when their time is over. I remember Kiri when I first came back from college behaving like I’d returned from the grave, among other things. You’ll be able to remember the happy things soon enough. And it will never be an insult to his memory to get another dog and love that just as much. It might be a tribute to him that you enjoyed his company so much that you want another dog. Not yet, but never say never. He had a good life, he was happy, he had people who loved him and whom he loved. He died quickly (anaphylactic shock IS very quick). Nothing more any of us could hope for.

  118. i’m pretty sure that in dog heaven they liberate any angry rabbits trapped in your facial skin folds and then the rabbits aren’t angry any more and then the two of you get to be best friends. also that it’s not supposed to happen so soon.

  119. I think it was incredibly strong of you to go and handle that yourself. Hailey has great perspective, she’s gonna get peed on a lot and that will help her. Her heart will be broken, but kids are so resilient. It’s you I’m sad for. RIP BJP.

  120. I just wanted to add my condolences. I’m so sorry for your loss, Jenny. And Hailey’s and Victor’s, too. This is my worst fear. I love my chihuahua/papillon so much that I feel like making my life’s work an “immortal dog” potion so I never have to say goodbye.

    If I were anywhere near, I’d give you a great big hug. Internet hugs will have to suffice. Xoxo

  121. There is absolutely nothing anyone can say to help, but … but I’m sorry. Just very, very sorry for your loss.

  122. Bummer. We lost 2 greyhounds last year. It hurts, but, when you think about it, it’s better to have known them than not. Hailey’s comment about Barnaby peeing on her: too precious.

  123. Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

    When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge.
    There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together.
    There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

    All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
    The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

    They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

    You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

    Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together….

    Author unknown…

  124. Ugh! Ugh, ugh, UGH! I know the loss of a pet is devastating for ANY kind of pet, but I have a pug and this one hit me extra hard. I just want to give all you guys a hug. Sheesh, so sad right now.

  125. Jenny, my dear sweet girl. I know it hurts. I’m sending you strength and hope…and a shoulder to cry on and someone to remember with. I’d also like to let you know it doesn’t have to be a forever pain. Hailey will want to move on. And she should. Kids who grow up around dogs are much better adjusted to life than those who don’t. In a few months if you can’t bring yourself to commit to a lifetime with a new dog, check into fostering a dog from a local shelter. You get the benefits of having a dog around, plus the good deededness of helping that dog get used to being in a home as well as helping out a shelter in need. Also? You only have the dog until the shelter finds someone to adopt it. You share your home enough to get your feet wet…enough to give Hailey someone to play with and talk to and love…but not enough to have to worry about the ending. Don’t close off your heart because you got hurt. You need to stay open so you can be loved. (Even if the someone loving you is 15 inches high and likes to chew on your confidence wig.)

    I love you from afar.

    Elisa

  126. I’m so sorry, Jenny, and rest in peace, Barnaby Jones.

    Minor point: dogs typically don’t like hugs, they tolerate them from people. But I’ll extra spoil Maggie today, I promise.

  127. SO.SORRY.FOR.YOUR.LOSS. I know those words seem inadequate, but how I wish someone had said them to me when my beloved Bacchus died. I wish there were some magic word of comfort to offer that would take the pain away. Losing a pet is so hard, and unfortunately you are going to meet people who think that you should just “get over it”- feel sorry for them, as they have obviously never know the complete joy a pet brings to your life. R.I.P. Barnaby Jones, you were loved in life, and you will be missed, even by those who were never fortunate enough to meet you.

  128. So sorry for your loss. I never know what to say in these situations, because even I know not to try to force a joke. It’s weird how attached we get to our pets and how heart breaking they can be. I guess just try to remember that it won’t hurt this bad for forever, even if it doesn’t feel like it now.

  129. Jenny- I feel your pain. I’ve lost two dogs in my life. After losing the second one, our entire family felt that it would be too tough to ever get attached to another pet. However, after 5 or 6 years we had healed enough to be ready for a new dog. Now we have had Hanna and Hailey for 7 and 6 years respectively. The joy and shared purpose they give us, they way they teach us to love and lead simpler lives- those are lessons that we will celebrate long after they are gone. I can’t even imagine the shock of having him die unexpectedly and I would never forgive myself either for not being there- but don’t beat yourself too much. It’s how nature works and none of us have any idea when we are going. The important thing is that you gave him a loving home during his time here. My prayers are with Barnaby and with your family. May time heal all your hearts.

  130. I am so sorry to hear this. I lost my dog recently- it was awful, awful, awful. Especially having to help kids through it too. Hang in there- eventually it will get easier.
    I haven’t read the other comments (so sorry if someone already posted this) but this poem helped my girls deal with our losing our pet
    http://rainbowbridge.com/Poem.htm
    hope you and your daughter can find the silver lining with this poem

  131. Ten years ago I lost a dog I’d loved better than anything, and lost him in a similarly tragic way. I swore I would never let myself love an animal that way again… but eventually I did. The problem is loving again is easier than forgiving yourself. I hope you forgive yourself soon because it was not your fault. In a way it was nice of Barnaby Jones to do that when you weren’t looking, instead of in front of Hailey. Good dog.

    I love you sweet girl. Peace to you and yours.

    xo

  132. Hugs, hugs, hugs.

    I went and hugged the cats until they squeaked. They thought it was a little excessive, but I think they needed it.

    I know how you feel about getting another dog. Every time one of my cats dies, I tell myself I’ll never get another. I don’t know how it happens, but cats keep coming back into my house.

  133. So very sorry to hear that. I can’t imagine what I would do if mine died. I will hug him two extra times when I get home just for you and Barnaby.

  134. i wasn’t going to read this. last night when i read your tweets, i cried and didn’t know what to say to you. i told myself when she writes that post, i can’t read it. my heart aches for you. i am balling now.

    i have three pugs: penelope, elliot, and angus and will not be able to bear losing them. in this life, i’ve already lost one dog and two cats, and know exactly how you feel about not wanting another so you can avoid feeling this heartbreak again. but i swear to you it helps to get another. GET TWO! they will keep each other company when you’re not around, play, groom, and cuddle together. and you’ll have double the pug love.

    and while you can’t bear to lose them, think of the great home and life you will give them. that’s a gift to them!

    huge hugs to all of you. barnaby jones pickles was so adorable . i’ll tell my pugs to send him love.

  135. I’m so very sorry. I will be thinking of him and your family all day today.

    I think you will be able to love a dog again; you did the best we humans can do for dogs, you gave him a good and comfortable life.

  136. As everyone else has said, it sucks. There’s no nicer way to put it. I’ve had dogs almost my entire adult life. The first dog I got as an adult was a Pug. Those little guys are clowns and steal your heart. The last dog I had, I had to have put to sleep a year ago. She was 13 and it was time. The hardest part of owning a pet is outliving it. Maybe that’s why when I had to put her down I got a bird instead of another dog. That bird will outlive all of us.

  137. Jenny – incredibly sorry for the loss of Barnaby Jones. I do sincerely hope that one day you will feel as though you can provide a loving home to another little furry family member who can help to fill this void. RIP BJP xoxo

  138. Oh God. There’s just nothing sadder than losing a furry friend. 🙁 I would hug you and cry with you and tell you that I know he loved you if I were there. I’m sure you were the joy of his life.

    All dogs go to heaven.

  139. I hate when you take the funny away.

    I lost my dog a year ago and cried for three nights straight. I’ve never told that to anyone except on my blog which is read by, like, 12 people so I think it still counts as never telling anyone.

    Sucks to go through. Sorry you had to do it.

  140. I lost my first dog earlier this summer. She was MY dog for 14 years. She was there the day I brought my babies home from the hospital. She watched over them. She loved them. I cried hard. I tried to be strong for my kids, but damn it was hard. There are days I still come in the house and miss the “thump thump thump” of her tail to welcome me in. I knew it would happen….I just never knew how truly hard it would be.

    Love to you.

  141. So sad 🙁 We lost our first Lab when she was only 2 because she suffocated on a chip bag that she dug out of the trash while we were gone. It was terrible. I felt so at blame for not protecting her and for not being there when she needed us to just pull that damn bag off her face. It’s been 7 years and we still feel terrible about it. We thought we would never get another dog, but our lives just weren’t complete with out a canine companion. We got 2 puppies shortly after she passed, and now one (our diabetic English Mastiff) is running out of time. The thought of losing another dog just tears me apart, and I wonder if we’ll do this again… get more dogs. I guess time will tell.

    Anyway, I didn’t mean to make this about me, just meant to say I’m so sorry for your loss. I know it’s so hard, especially when it’s unexpected, and I hope you all find peace and comfort soon.

  142. I’m so sorry! Hugs to all of you. I love the rain/dog pee idea. She’s a smart one, that girl. I’m totally telling my kids next time it rains that they are getting peed on from heaven by the Bloggess’s dog.

  143. That sucks so much. I will also never have a dog again because I know I can’t handle that part of it. What a strong, good mommy you were yesterday, though.

  144. After my Yorkie died in 1991 I said I’d never get another dog. It fucking TOTALED me. My mother said that I just wasn’t the kind of person to own pets because I could never get over them dying. (I’ll spare you what I did when my rabbit died when I was in middle school)

    I’ve never gotten another dog. I think of it and then remember the end and No.

    Since 1991.

    RIP Barnaby Jones, you were a very good dog.

  145. My heart aches for you and Hailey. What a shock that must have been.

    About a year and a half ago, my daughter and I lost our Boston Terrier, Scout. He was run over in our driveway by a careless idiot who wasn’t paying attention to what he was doing. It was the most awful day. Cass and I cried and cried and cried some more. My dad dug a grave for Scout and we buried him with his favorite toys. I wasn’t sure I’d ever have another Boston again, because there was just no replacing Scout, he was the best dog ever.

    Then a friend called me and told me about Ellwood, another Boston Terrier who was looking for a home, and though I wasn’t sure, I went to meet him. And Cass and I fell in love again. He didn’t replace Scout. There was no replacing Scout, but we felt tht we were honoring his memory by giving Ellwood a home. Ellwood is very different from Scout, and nothing will ever fill the place in our hearts that Scout occupied, but we love Ellwood just as much we loved Scout, just in a different way…and Ellwood helped us heal.

  146. I am hurting for you. I can only imagine heartbroken you are right now. I’ll be thinking about you and your family as you grieve. xoxo

  147. I am so sorry for your loss and that you had to bury Barnaby Jones Pickles alone, but glad that you had Hailey there to console you.

    Two years ago on St. Patrick’s Day, my beloved cat of 21 years died and not a day goes by that I don’t miss him. I had him for half my life and he was part of the definition of me. Losing him, I lost an irreplaceable part of myself. It hurts now as much as it hurt that day, but I’ve learned to cope. It will get better.

    hugs

  148. Also, the way you handled this, alone with Hailey, in the misdt of your overwhelming grief showed a lot of courage. i meant to say that. You did good.

  149. Oh, so sorry! I’ve been feeling the same way about pets since I brought home a chihuahua a few months ago and it died in a ridiculous mess two days after we brought him home. It was sad, frustrating and just plain gross. We have a fox terrier as well so there were a few terrifying weeks where we thought she might come down with something as well but fortunately she’s fine. I’m probably not going to get any more pets after that experience either.

  150. When my daughter was 6 she had a pet beta fish named Swimmer. It may have been the most beloved beta fish in the history of the world.

    One time when I was changing the water I dropped Swimmer into the sink. He slipped right down into the garbage disposal. Unfortunately the garbage disposal was full off mushed up grapes. After a few unsuccessful attempts to retrieve Swimmer and just coming up with grapes (which feel surprisingly like a fish) I finally gave up and turned on the garbage disposal. No! I didn’t. I finally got Swimmer and put him back in his fish tank. Fortunately he lived.

    However he did die a few months later. One die I walked in the room and he was floating upside down. We told our daughter and she cried and cried. We weren’t attached to the fish but we cried with her because we were sad that she was so devastated.

    At one point during her crying she cheered up for a minute and asked if we could replace Swimmer with a hamster. We were sorely tempted to give her one to console her but declined, and she went right back to grieving.

    It was a real conundrum to figure out how to put Swimmer to rest. Our daughter wouldn’t hear of flushing him down the toilet – the thought made her cry harder. She wasn’t going for burial either – you can’t bury a fish that lives in water in the ground… Finally she decided it would be ok, if we dug a hole in the ground, filled it with water, put Swimmer in the hole, and then buried him. She watched me as I did the honors and then she was at peace. But she has never owned another pet since.

    On the other hand her younger brother has had several pets and has watched some of them die and has given some of the away. It’s never upset them – he thinks the pets are cool for a while and then gets bored of them when the novelty wears off – he never seems to develop the same emotional connection to his pets that our daughter did.

    I’m sorry for your loss.

  151. Dear Jenny,
    My boyfriend Brendan’s beloved dog Connie died last month. When Brendan’s mother passed away years ago, he’d promised to take care of her beloved dogs, and he’s done so faithfully in her memory.
    Connie was a beautiful Great Pyrenees, and she lived to a respectable twelve years. But she’d become more and more uncomfortable in her old age as her arthritis slowly worsened and an inoperable tumor developed on her leg, making it difficult for her to walk.
    When you see a dog every day, see her wag her tail when you walk through the door, bark excitedly at dinnertime, it’s so difficult to determine when it’s the right time. But eventually Brendan had to make the decision to say good-bye to her and put her down, a decision that was perhaps one of the most difficult he’s had to make. It completely devastated him. And I believe that if there’s any blessing in this tragedy, it’s that you were spared having to make a similar one.
    Barnaby and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.
    Love,
    Stormy

  152. I am so very sorry for your loss. Pets are family too. I totally understand not wanting to have another dog. After we lost our dog to a terrible lengthy illness 18 years ago I made the same decision. ( I was also forbidden to have more pets by my mother after she had to drive me and my ailing hamster to a vet 20+ miles from our home. The hamster “expired” during his examination. I was so hysterical I missed two days of work and the vet kept calling to inquire as to whether I was doing any better.)
    I’m happy Hailey is comforted by the thought of Barnaby Jones Pickles peeing on the world from dog heaven.
    Hugs to you, and I’m looking forward to the arrival of the school bus so I can tackle the boys and give them hugs.

  153. Oh, man. That’s really hard. I am a former pet-hater, but we got a dog five weeks ago (I showed you the picture of her sleeping next to my husband at BlogHer because oh hai, it’s my wallpaper on my PHONE) and I turned into this total asshole who talks baby-talk and bugs veterinarian and trainer friend on Facebook for emergency pet-food advice and photographic analysis of doggy rashes and my dog has health insurance–HEALTH INSURANCE–and when I saw your tweet about this yesterday I went and told Hotter and he was like “OH NO, that’s gonna be us when Isis dies” and I was all “YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH, ISIS IS GOING TO LIVE FOREVER!!!” I don’t know we’d do if anything happened to that stupid dog, because we love her so much that I woke up with my husband on the wrong side of me because HE GOT UP TO PEE AND THE DOG TOOK HIS SPOT AND SHE LOOKED REALLY COMFORTABLE. Dogs make you into a sappy asshole that way, I guess. Poor Barnaby Jones Pickles; RIP little guy!

  154. Losing a pet is the most heartwrenching experience. Those fucking little shits get into our hearts, don’t they? I tear up when I read posts like this- I love my pets so much (those here and those gone). I feel for you and am so sorry for your loss.

  155. I am so, so sorry for your loss of Barnaby Jones. Losing someone you love is devastating, it’s good that you have each other to lean on. – Thinking healing thoughts for you – Lauren

  156. My sympathy to your family.

    We recently lost our cat and I think I understand how you feel about getting another one. It is too hard to think about.

    Thanks for sharing, even when it hurts. *hugs*

  157. ” I told her that maybe one day we could get another dog but the truth is that I can’t handle this again. I will never own another dog.”

    My husband feels the same way as you. I don’t know how I feel. I can’t replace Haley (she passed away last year), but I’m starting to really miss having a dog around. And also… even now, a year & a half later, I’ve cried about her. She’d been with us for 8 wonderful years, adoped from a shelter, and the most awesome of awesomeness.

    I’m so sorry…
    that’s all. And try not to feel guilty. But you will. But try not to.
    ((hugs))

  158. I think it’s a good idea to get a new dog. We keep dogs of several different ages because they die so young. Actually, I once bought Tessa a new dog when her old rat terrier got to be eighteen. We knew the end would be harder because she had lived so long. But the puppy made losing the old dog better. And we had plenty memories of the old one so that she was never replaced.

  159. I’m sorry! I lost a pug once, too. I was at work and came home to her dead under our couch. We have no idea what happened to her and I had never mourned the loss of a pet more than I did my Madeline. ((HUGS)) for your entire family.

  160. Oh Jenny, I am so sorry for you and Hailey and Victor and even your head-sitting cat, because he may not show that he misses Barnaby Jones, but I am sure he does. I am crying for you and it is about to rain over on the north side of Houston and I may go sit outside in it with my pups and get peed on. By your dog, not mine.

  161. I’m so sorry about your loss. I’ve lost 3 boxers to cancer and it never gets easier but I will always have at least 2 boxers by my side. There are days when I want to strange everyone in my path, but I know my boxers will cuddle with me and not ever say anything to anger or hurt me. They really are a gift to us aren’t they?
    Again, I’m so very sorry.

  162. delurking, cuz this is important times here and you need to know that my heart is breaking for you and your family.
    A year ago someone stole my pug and my lab from my yard, no goodbye, just gone. It’s hands-down the worst, awfulest pain I’ve ever felt. They were my babies, my children, and I can’t imagine what you are going through. It’s okay to wallow in it for a while, this is tough stuff, but you’ll come out the other side a little bit tougher yourself.

    Hugs from afar dude.

  163. Hugs to all three of you. I hope that happy memories (and pictures! and videos!) will help ease your pain a bit. You daughter, like her momma, is awesome; here’s to Barnaby Jones, tinkling on your heads from heaven.

  164. My sister has a German Shepherd named Sally Pickles, I never thought about it before, but maybe she’s Barnaby’s distant cousin.

    I am so, so sorry. Nothing hurts like losing a pet. I hate it that you went through this alone. 🙁

  165. A person who has never owned a dog has missed a wonderful part of life. Hold on to all the joy that he brought to your family to help lift you through the grief.

  166. I’m so incredibly sorry. That’s just such a sucky ass thing. I have two dogs whom I love more than anything in the world, I can’t even begin to imagine your loss.

    I LOVE the idea that when it rains he’s peeing on you 🙂

  167. So sorry for the loss of Barnaby Jones, you are in my thoughts. It’s been a long time since we have lost a pet, but that doesn’t make it any easier.

  168. My sweet angel of a weenie dog died last week as well. She had hurt her back somehow and couldn’t use her back legs. I had the worst week of my life deciding to put her to sleep. Like you, I cried until I couldn’t anymore. She was my baby until I adopted my son. She was the sweetest little dog ever. And having to make the decision to put her to sleep was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. Me deciding life or death for her. And telling my 6 year old son she wouldn’t be coming back home was tough.

    I’ve been too upset to blog about it but it’s getting a little bit easier to talk about. I still have my bulldog who I love every day because you just never know how long they will be in your life.

    I’m so sorry about Barnaby. And I’m sorry Hailey has to go through all of this too.

    I hope Barnaby is in heaven with my Emmie. I just hope he doesn’t hump her cuz she really likes the ladies.

  169. i can’t even imagine…and i’ve been through it. you’re a brave woman for handling it as well as you did…honestly, you showed so much strength. sending good thoughts and hugs to you and your sweet, smart daughter.

  170. I’m a teacher, and it is school wide reading time. I choose to read your site during this time. Now I’m crying in front of a group of 8th graders, and trying to explain why. They get it though. They roll their eyes at me. Huff if I count them tardy even if their foot was crossing the threshold as the bell rang. But the loss of a pet they get. My 8th grade class and I are all thinking about your loss and the stories and memories and heart smiles of our pets who are running with Mr. Mr. Jones are dancing in our heads.

  171. I too suffered a loss this week (MIL). Someone left me this wonderful quote on my facebook wall. Perhaps you can share it with Hailey.
    “Death leaves a heartache no one can heal; love leaves a memory no one can steal.”

  172. Oh no, I’m so sorry for your loss. Hailey sounds like she will be just fine, though you may take a while to heal. My heart goes out to all of you.

  173. A pet dying is tragic and painful and awful no matter how or when it happens. You will miss him always and it is going to hurt like hell for a while, but it will get easier. Sending lots of love & strength to you all. xoxo

  174. I don’t even know what to say but, I’m so very sorry and I’d take the pain away if I could. I can, however, loan you one of dogs. They’ll be happy to come over and stab you with chicken so it’ll be just like old times.

    Just say the word and I’ll start drinving.

  175. Oh Jenny so, so sorry!
    My cat, Sasquatch died a few months ago and I still cry.
    He had 7 toes on each foot…..Sasquatch. He was my best friend.

  176. OK, so you left me condolences, and I’m leaving you condolences, and howzabout we both just cut the shit already with the tragic, unexpected deaths and get back to the funny?

    Hugs and booze and much love backatcha, Jenny.

  177. I know you don’t want to read all this crap, just know we care. It hurts like hell but he was worth it. I still hurt from losing Cujo while we were in Chicago, but I remember how much fun she was and how much we loved her.

    We’re praying for you all.

  178. I am so sorry. Losing a pet is one of the hardest things someone can go through. Hugs to you and yours.

  179. I’m sending you and your family hugs and kisses. God is keeping him happy! Sends u many licks.

  180. don’t you DARE blame yourself.
    it’s not your fault.
    hugs to you and your family. it’s extra hard to lose a family pet…a family member. i’m thinking of you.
    xoxo

  181. I am pretty sure the only thing worse than losing a child is losing a beloved animal. The day we lost our Peanut was probably one of the worst days of my entire life, so I think I understand a little bit about how you are feeling right now. As we buried him on my parents property, my mom said something similar to what you said about never wanting to have another dog again. At the time I think I agreed because it was the most awful pain, however after I thought about all of the amazing times and wonderful years I did have with him– I realized it was all worth it. Having him was one of the biggest joys in my life. I wouldn’t trade it for anything, nor would I want to close myself off from experiencing the joy another little furry-being could give. I know it is so hard right now (and probably always will be), but I hope you will be able to open yourself up to it again someday if you feel it is right. You were obviously a very wonderful fur-mommy, and I think it is precious that you will be able to think of him everytime in rains. I know I will too for quite some time. Thank you for sharing his story with us.

  182. I am so sorry!! I lost my cat about 9 months ago, so I totally understand what you are going through. Losing a loved pet is so difficult. Hugs to you.

  183. I am so sorry, hon. Truly. I rarely comment (have I ever?) but as someone who has sobbed for days over the loss of pets, my heart aches for you. I’m so sorry.

  184. I so, so sorry. I think you handled it well with Hailey, but it just sucks having to have to teach these lessons to your kids. Been there. So hard.

  185. So sorry for you and your family. I’m crying (thanks a lot – my mascara’s running and I was just getting ready to go to the liquor store. That oughta be pretty).

    I couldn’t read all the comments because I’m sure I would have cried more, so I’m sure I’m conveying many of the same things others are too. [Note: if I see other people crying at the liquor store, I’ll wonder if they read your blog post, or if they’re just the crying drunks – I don’t like crying drunks].

    At any rate, I don’t own a pug. I am, however, the grandma to one, so I they are sweet little creatures.

    On another note, my Jack Russell just drown me in dog kisses because I hugged her too tight.

    Take care, and don’t blame yourself. It most definitely wasn’t your fault.

  186. You asked for no sorries on twitter, so I won’t say it. But in my head, Barnaby Jones is in dog heaven with Milo and Otis and they’re going on an adventure. And he’s telling them stories of Hailey and the stupid cat that gets to ride on your head and all the strange dead and stuffed critters in your house.

  187. I lost my 14-year-old Rottie a year and a half ago, and I still cry at least once a week. Pets have holds on our hearts like most people could never have.

  188. Oh, I’m so so sorry. A sudden death like that is tragic and stupid. I want to tell you not to blame yourself, but I still occasionally berate myself for leaving my guinea pig in his outdoor cage during a cold night when I was ELEVEN. So I ‘d be hypocritical, but try not to blame yourself TOO much. It wasn’t your fault and I think you handled the parenting part of it perfectly.

    *hugs*

  189. Long time reader, first time commenter, you know the deal. I just wanted to share my condolences and say that I hope you and your family one day can feel a dog’s slobbery warm once more. 🙂

  190. Shit, Jenny, I am so sorry. All my love to you and your family. I think he may have peed on me a little too.

  191. This made me cry. I am so sorry for your loss! I’ll hug my kitty a little tighter today, even though he’s the devil in disguise and will probably take my face off for it. Still, he’s getting hugged.

  192. Oh, Jenny, the peeing from heaven is wonderful, beautiful, healing stuff. Your girl is intuitively doing her good work. The very best thing for her now is create her own vivid vision of what happens to Barnaby Jones after he shuffles off this mortal coil. Keep making jokes about him. Keep laughing and crying. He will always be with you in those deepest parts of your hearts.

    I’ve owned lots of pets. When the kitty of my adolescence and young adulthood died, I drove her body (sobbing all the way) two hours to my grandmother’s house to be buried, because my grandmother worked in a mortuary and was unfazed by either dead bodies or uncontrollable sobbing. When our last kitty died right after Christmas, right after we moved to the new house we’d almost killed ourselves building. . .we held her and all cried together for almost two hours, the tragic culmination of everything we’d been suffering for eighteen months. Then we made up a song based on Danny’s Song about her going off to drive the Moon Train that takes dead kitties to live on the moon under the kindly auspices of the Rabbit in the Moon, and we all trooped out to bury her body in the backyard. For six months after that, whenever our son was exhausted or strung out, he’d say, “Sometimes I’m still sad, you know, about moving and Chloe dying.” And we’d talk about it some more.

    But he had a vision to translate his grief into healing magic, so eventually he healed.

    Thank god for Hailey’s clear sight and leaps of intuition. Because there are not many things more healing than magical heavenly pee.

  193. I’m so sorry. Losing a pet is such a hard thing to go through. Go easy on yourself and let yourself grieve. He certainly knew how much you all loved him.

  194. I’m giving my dog and my cat their favorite people foods (Chicken McNuggets and tuna, respectively) in honor of Barnaby Jones. I’m so sorry.

  195. So sorry for your family, Jenny. Pets bring out our best and love us at our worst. They always know what to do, unlike people…

    We’re getting engagment pics taken monday, and they’re calling for rain. I don’t think I’ll mind. 🙂

  196. Oh Jenny, my heart goes out to you and your family. What a shock to lose Barnaby Jones so suddenly. It took a LOT of strength to bury him by yourself; a lonely moment but beautiful too, you know? To honor the pain and loss of such a presence in your life in such an intimate way. Brave and touching. Thank you for sharing it with us.

    Love to you & your family.

  197. I am so sorry about Barnaby Jones Pickles. Please, forgive yourself. Perhaps there was nothing you could have done. Forgive me if I don’t embrace the concept of Barnaby peeing on me.

  198. I have a pet lizard, she doesn’t like being hugged. I’ve had her for five years and expect another two, don’t know how I’ll react when she dies.

  199. Barnaby Jones is peeing here, and I think he’s found a cat to chase after up there because we’re having a helluva storm here with thunder and lightning.

    Jenny, my heart goes out to you, Hailey and Victor. I am so sorry.

    Hugs.

  200. I know you don’t want to hear “I’m so sorry”, but I truly am. We lost our eldest cat in May after a quick illness and in all honesty, taking him to be put to sleep was the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. Hearing “I’m sorry” from people who have been there and done that truly did help because it validated my love for my cat and my emotional state after losing him.

  201. teardrops are running down my face for you right now… for you, and Hailey, and Victor. Thank you for having enough strength to share with us and reminding all of us that our furry family members mean so much, and to show them as much love as we can while they are here. xo

  202. My dog Sadie had a seizure while I was at work. Some strange reason made me want to go home for lunch …. Strange since there is never food in my house… I got there and she was still alive but cuts everywhere and could not use her legs. I took her to the vet and they told me it had happened early that morning… I felt terrible that she was in sooo much pain all morning. I cursed god and myself for not being there for her. I was a mess and then this little pup called Happy came into my life. She had little bent legs aand no one wanted to adopt her so I did. vet said the surgery would be 2,000 I went the holistic route and her legs straightened out in a month. I love my pup I’m overprotective with her but so glad I found her. Hope you find a way to heal. Sending some coping vibes your way. oxox Kate

  203. I follow your blog and twitter and my heart sank when I saw your post last night. Losing one of my pets ranks right up there with ‘most frightening things to think about’ so my heart goes out to you and your family. But just think, Barnaby Jones is surely kickin’ it up in heaven sharing stories of making his owner stab herself with chicken and having a laugh with all the other awesome pets.

    Much love to y’all. I’m really sorry this happened.

  204. I am so SO sorry for your loss. I lost my beloved bullmastiff earlier this year and I am still torn up about it.

    Thinking of your family during this sad time.

  205. Oh Jenny, I’m so sorry. The pain of losing a beloved pet is unlike anything else, they are just as much as part of your family. I’m thinking about you, Victor, and Hailey… and sending hugs to Barnaby. I’m so sorry for your loss.

  206. thats shitty and i am so that your having to deal with this! If i feel a drop on me today i will gladly hope its mr.barnaby jones pickles spreading some love cause there would be no other dog i would be more honroed to have “dog ghost” pee on me then he!

  207. Ah, that’s terrible. Sorry for yall’s loss. I remember when my first childhood pet died, he got hit by a car while we kids were all at school. Mom gathered us all around and before she could explain I noticed a drawing she had made of the accident on the table. Bleh.

    /RIP Barnaby Jones

  208. Aw no. Having a dead dog is awful. The emotions evoked are shockingly close to losing a (human) member of your family. I have had three dogs so far that have died, and each time I say I don’t want to go through it again, but then I do because they are great fun, and because you can’t go through life saying ‘I don’t want to encounter that in case it dies’. Imagine if the same principle was applied to husbands?

    Barnaby sounded like a great dog, and ended up the same way as we all do. I hope you are dealing with it ok x

  209. I am so sorry for the loss of your furry child, Jenny. So very sorry.

    I will give my cats and dog extra squeezes today. The tarantulas? No hugs for them, but I will pet their rumps. Lovingly.

  210. I am so sorry…I have always had a ton of animals in my family. Right now I have two dogs and 7 cats. They are all within a year or two of the next oldest one.

    It absolutely breaks my heart when I hear pet stories like this. I know the exact feeling you are going through and it absolutely sucks. There is no better word that that.

    I do think that them peeing on us when it rains is actually a very cute thing though…it actually makes me smile about my past losses! So thank you for that…

  211. I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t help but think of that classic adage, never say never, esp. on your blog because it will come back and bite you on the butt…or was that the new dog biting you?

  212. A big breeze-full of hugs and wishes your way today Jenny, Hailey, and Victor. I hope you feel the internet Luv-fest coming your way.

  213. I’m so very sorry. Pets are very special parts of our lives and their passings fill us with the grief of losing a beloved family member.

    Peace to you and your family.

  214. I’m not a regular reader, but my Sew Crafty Houston daughter (who also is owned by a Pug) let me know of your heartbreak today. My sincere condolences to you and your family. My Pug is major in my life, and I’ll be extra careful with Pugsley after reading your story.

    Loved the “rain” line. Your daughter is an insightful little lady…

    XOXO
    Donkeywrangler

  215. I am so sorry, Jenny. I can only imagine how hard this must be for you and your family.

    I find it really fucking annoying when something devastating like this happens and people react by saying, “Don’t worry, everything happens for a reason.” So I’m not going to say that. But I am going to say that you can’t blame yourself. Because this WASN’T YOUR FAULT.

    R.I.P, Barnaby Jones. You will truly be missed.

  216. Even though I’m sure you have had many well wishers already I just have to say that your post has made me cry the worst I have in quite some time. I know the pain of losing a beloved little one and I can only hope that with each passing day the pain becomes less and less. Always concentrate on your favorite memories and treasure them. I am hugging my little snugglebear close tonight. Best wishes my friend.

  217. I’ve been giving Winston a lot of extra hugs lately. I’ll add a few more. I’ll even let him hog the bed. And Winston doesn’t really get the whole hugging thing, but I know he has some extra kisses for all of you.

  218. I’m so sorry for your loss. I almost lost Mu Shu (my Pekingese) two years ago when he started having seizures. He’s okay now, but I know one day I will have to let him go, and I dread that day. You will be in my thoughts. Thanks for all the wonderful posts….sorry this one is so sad. 🙁

  219. :’-(

    Yep. I haven’t owned another dog since my Kodi died 8 years ago. I’m only just now considering it again.

    My condolences…

  220. Oh, my love. I never comment because everyone is so witty here, I never have anything to add. But this. THIS. I must speak. I am so, so sorry for your loss. I had a Pug. My dear Apollo. He was the best dog I ever had. Losing him still hurts and it was 5 years ago. Pug owners are a strange lot. Not like the normal dog owner. We share something. A love for these silly, clownish, loud, shedding, precious little dogs. One day I will have another Pug. I just have to. My love for this breed is deep. But from one Pug owner to another, I wanted to give you my deepest condolences.

    On a side note, I have been fighting depression lately. I know that you have fought these issues, and I just wanted you to know how much I look up to you and enjoy your blog. You give me hope and laughter. Thank you.

  221. I’m house-sitting and animal sitting and these animals are not even mine, but I’m going to carry them around like princes for the rest of the day now.

  222. That is such a great photo.

    We had to put our 14 year old poodle to sleep because he had kidney failure and I made the appt. three times and cancelled. In the end, my mom took him because he was my little bitty poodle baby.

    I miss his sweet face so much, but he had a great life. As did Barnaby Jones.

    xoxo.

  223. I still remember when all my dogs died. it’s hard, especially as a kid. one of them drowned ( i had nightmares because we were not there, we just found them), another had an allergic reaction , but we got to watch… it’s hard but it is life, and it is good that it hurst because it just shows out love. and i think it is good for children to understand that death is a part of life (our society tries to hide that, and it’s kid of a lost cause)

    We buried all our dogs in our house by the tree next to the pool. then we sold the house. and we laugh thinking that if they ever dig they will think there was some sort of serial murderer living there… so many bones!

    my allergies have gotten too bad to have animals, if you can, you should have another, it’s so nice….

  224. Oh, Jenny I’m so sorry. Thats awful. It’s heartbreaking to loose a pet, especially if it’s unexpected. It’s good that Hailey has found a way to remember him, she really is a credit to you and Victor.
    It’ll get better, just give it time. Thinking of you xxx

  225. I’m so sorry. Please don’t blame yourself, there’s really no way you could possibly have predicted this.

    I lost my dog two years ago – he had cancer and had to be put to sleep. All I can do is remind myself that he had a rather brilliant life with us, he loved us and we loved him. He had an amazing time. I’m sure Barnaby Jones did as well.

    <3

  226. It’s just so unbearably hard, isn’t it? I think kids get over it much faster than we do. They don’t remember all the little moments that made our dogs such a vital part of our spirit.

    Hugs to you, Hailey and Victor. And may it rain often in the coming days.

  227. From the book, “Bones Would Rain from the Sky,” and there’s this great passage:

    “There is a cycle of love and death that shapes the lives of those who choose to travel in the company of animals. It is a cycle unlike any other. To those who have never lived through its turnings or walked its rocky path, our willingness to give our hearts with full knowledge that they will be broken seems incomprehensible. Only we know how small a price we pay for what we receive; our grief, no matter how powerful it may be, is an insufficient measure of the joy we have been given.”

  228. I’m so sorry you lost your sweet little pug. Its truly the worst part of pet ownership. My heart is sad and achy for you and Hailey. (((HUGS)))

  229. I’m sure Barnaby Jones was a wonderful dog. Even though his time was cut short, I hope its comforting to know that he had a fulfilling life. He was very lucky to have you and your family as part of the pack.

    I never owned a dog, but my cat died about a year ago so I understand your grief. I miss him every day. The pain never leaves, but it does get better.

  230. I know you said you didn’t want sorrys, but I am. SO sad for you. I know the feeling all too well and it SUCKS. I still talk to my dog, who passed almost 3 years ago. He was my buddy and it sucked when he had to take off for the rainbow bridge. xo

  231. How sad! We lost our first furkid at the beginning of the summer as well — I know it’s unexpectedly awful. It put a gloom over the start to summer. But we decided to get a puppy two months later, not as a replacement but just to bring some joy back. And it really has. She cannot replace our first, but we are doting on her ridiculously and it has helped. Hugs to you and your family.

  232. I foster for a pug rescue and have had several “hospice” fosters. The pain never gets any easier no matter how many times you go through it but I know that providing a happy, loving home for these guys is more important than anything.

    I am glad you were honest with your daughter. I still remember feeling so upset when, as an adult, I found out my grandparents had lied about their beagle (Bill) “running away.” I wish I would’ve had the chance to grieve and say goodbye.

    Hugs.

  233. Dear Jenny. That’s terrible. Here we have problems because dogs eat cane toads and drop dead. No shit. I don’t have a dog myself, but I will hug my little sproglette harder today. Vale Barnaby Jones Pickles

  234. I’m so sorry. When I lost my dog, I too thought I would never get another. It’s been 20 years, and I think I’m ready now. Hopefully, you won’t have to wait as long. I hope you got something from the poem shared (far) above.

  235. Sometimes a new dog is the best way to heal. And there are so many in shelters and rescues that could use a home like yours! No one will ever be able to replace Barnaby Jones Pickles, but for some people, and new fuzzyface following them around the house really helps the healing process. Thank you for posting this, I cant imagine how hard it must have been. But as pet owners, its something we will all go through, if we havent already. Dont pretend it never happened, and God bless you for telling your little girl the truth!! Cherish your memories of Barnaby Jones, but dont swear to never open your heart to a canine again.

  236. RIP Barnaby jones: just a beautiful life , fortunate enough to have your baby,victor and you as his family . i’m really sorry for your loss; tonight i will hold my furry babies a little tighter in his honor.

  237. I know you’re hurting so much right now, but I swear that will subside someday. I say the same thing every time I lose a pet (“I’ll never love again!”) but if you have the home & the heart to give love to an animal who needs you I hope you’ll consider it once you’ve had time to heal.

    After all of my childhood pets passed away when I was in my teens we took a break from animals but before you knew it we found a 13 year old Yorkie who had lived an unfortunate life locked in a bathroom & we gave him the best home he had ever been in to live out his last 4 years. It was sad to grow attached & then lose him so quickly but as much as that chokes me up still (about 3 years later & I’m sobbing now THANKS) it makes me feel SO GOOD to know that we gave him the best 4 years of his life and he died having finally felt loved. The pain I carry with me over losing him is nothing compared to how good my heart feels having had the chance to care for him.

  238. My kitten, Ninja, died on Wednesday. She was my baby from the time my boyfriend and I rescued her from a thornbush in New York. I loved her and spoiled her, and she loved and spoiled me right back. Up until last Sunday, she was full of life and ran around and played and jumped like a normal hyperactive kitten. She purred and loved and kneaded and rubbed up against me and came when I called her. She was only about four months old.

    She also had FeLV, which she got in utero. FeLV is a death sentence once it gets into the bone marrow. She wasn’t making new blood cells. So one day, it just came and hit her. She got lethargic, wouldn’t eat or drink, and barely responded anymore when you talked to her.

    Rather than let her starve herself to death, or dehydrate herself into a seizure, we took her to the vet and Zach and I held her and petted her and talked to her, and the vet gave her a shot. She went very peacefully.

    That doesn’t make me feel any better. My heart is shattered. I keep wondering if I could have done something more. I keep thinking I couldn’t possibly handle this heartbreak any more. Never again.

    But… There is no way I would ever trade the three months I had with my baby girl for anything. The pain is a reminder that I love her so much, and that she loved me too. And it hurts now, but there was so much love and laughter and happiness in my life because of her.

    So yeah, I think I will be able to love again. I will find another cat who needs someone to love and pamper it and I will open my heart. And Ninja will be there in my heart, along with Susie Q and Blackie, who left me years ago, and I will be overcome by my love for all of them, and I will smile for all the wonderful memories they gave me and the lessons they taught me.

    Maybe I’m just a big softie, but as much as this hurts right now, I know that I can’t keep myself from loving another animal. I wouldn’t recommend letting the pain now stop you from finding a dog who needs a home and loving him and letting him enrich your lives.

  239. Don’t give up on dog ownership in the future. The loss is extremely hard, I know, but remember how much Barnaby Jones enriched your life. Take enough time to grieve his loss, as I’m sure he was very important to your family, but don’t say never – there are lots of little best friends out there that not only need you, but can help you, too.

    “If you have a dog, you will most likely outlive it; to get a dog is to open yourself to profound joy and, prospectively, to equally profound sadness.” ~Marjorie Garber

    A part of him will always be bound up in your heart. Times are tough right now. Hang in there.

  240. Zoey, our Lab, died last year. I found this poem on the Internet and read it at her “funeral” when we spread her ashes in the lake that she loved so much. My husband insisted we get another Lab four months after Zoey died. I wasn’t ready and I think I resented Zander some because he wasn’t Zoey. It’s been a year now and Zander and I are pals and he is such a funny dog that he may get his own blog. Never say never. It’s too soon to decide. I’m sure Barnaby Jones and Zoey are having a fabulous time together.

    When God had made the earth and sky, the flowers, and the trees,
    He then made all the animals, and all the birds and bees.

    And when His work was finished, not one was quite the same.
    He said, “I’ll walk this earth of mine and give each one a name.”

    And so He traveled land and sea, and everywhere he went
    A little creature followed him, until its strength was spent.

    When all were named upon the earth, and in the sky and sea,
    The little creature said, “Dear Lord, there’s not one left for me.”

    The Father smiled and softly said, “I’ve left you to the end.
    I’ve turned my own name back to front and called you DOG, my friend.”

  241. My heart goes out to you. It’s bad enough when you know it’s coming, but… oh my. I won’t tell you that you’ll change your mind about another dog. I’ve had 6 in my life time…each unique and wonderful and irreplaceable. It doesn’t get easier, but being the masochist that I am, I find it hard to live without one of them, even know what will come some day.
    Hugs to you and your family. And you are right – pets or people, the ones we love never leave us, really.

  242. I understand. i’ve had three pets “take a rest” so far… and it hurts. my first dog, Lady Slippers, was the hardest. she got hit by a car and guess who was the one who let her out?? yep. it sounds like you did the right thing with resting BJP right away… it probably would have been more traumatic for Haileykins if you would have waited. anyways… hope you all are able to have peace again soon! kisses and hugs!!!

  243. For quite a few years now beautiful, you have made me laugh. Today I cried with you. I survived an abusive marriage with my scottish terrier, Haggis, and he was my lifeline. Once I got out, I bought his brother Hamish because I was so afraid of the day when Haggis would leave me, that I would have no one to hold. You are in my thoughts and prayers today hon – double the Xanax and add some gin on top. I will say, with the gentlest of prods, that one of the best ways to heal the gaping tear in our hearts where an animal’s unselfish love once was, is to fill that hole again with joy and laughter. There is nothing like a puppy, with kisses, love, forgiveness, and acceptance, to give you hope. If you were my real-life friend, and not just an unseen friend that often gave voice to the only laughter I had in my life, I would march into your living room right now with a pug puppy wearing a red ribbon (the puppy, not me, because that would be weird), and sit on the couch with you and cry while he kissed your tears away. There is nothing like the loss of a dear friend to those of us with soft hearts. Maybe Barnaby Jones is peeing on you because he hates to see you cry. hugs and puppy kisses from houston.

  244. Oh Jenny, my heart goes out to you. Over the years I have lost four dear dogs and five just as dear cats. That is the horrible part of owning and loving a pet. The pain does subside eventually though, really. You have decide what is right for you of course, but for me the many wonderful years of loving and being loved by my furry children make up for the pain of their eventual loss. You have my heart, for whatever that is worth.

    Sandra

  245. Dude, that sucks. For you, for Victor, for Hailey, and also (especially?) for Barnaby Jones. And yeah, I understand the feeling about not wanting to go through that again – but give it some time, then re-think it. Might be you can handle it better than you think you can now (I truly think you underestimate your own strength, sometimes), and I am sure that Hailey and your (possible) future pet would really appreciate it.

    ~EdT.

  246. I am so very sorry for your loss. I’ve been through it with several animals and it fucking sucks – no other way to say it. I run a Humane Society and we have these incredibly stupid pet sympathy cards that say, “Losing a pet is like losing a friend” and I think they were obviously designed by someone who has never really loved an animal. It’s not “like” losing a friend – it IS losing a friend. I love my dog more than I love most people for fuck’s sake.

  247. Honestly, this is why you never EVER leave dogs unattended outside. Also, please don’t BUY your daughter another dog, teach her about adoption and save a life.

  248. I’m so sorry to read this! Please be well… sooner rather than later, not for our sake but your own.

  249. You were right to tell her the truth. She has a right to mourn him. You are a good mom…

    My heart goes out to you.

    Take care – you know we are all with you through funny and heart breaking…

  250. So very sorry for your loss. It the worst part of having pets. Thank you for sharing your story, it reminds me how important my pets are to me even though they can drive me batty sometimes. Big hugs to you and Hailey . . . and Victor too if you want to share with him!

  251. Oh dear – not a great day for you. Very sorry for your loss – had a little think for you today so I hope you are feeling ok and can get on with your life.

  252. Oh, man. This post made me so sad. I am so sorry for your loss. We have a puppy, not even a year old and I constantly think how devastated I would be to lose her. Try not to beat yourself up over not being there. It wasn’t your fault. Hugs to you and your family.

  253. Oh I’m so so sorry for your loss and that it happened this way and without you there. I’m giving my little Bubba extra smooches right now even though he’s giving me the eye to leave him alone because he’s napping.

  254. I’m so sorry for your loss. That completely sucks and it is one of my biggest fears with having animals. I hate that you had to find him like that. I hope he pees on you guys a little more and each time it makes you smile.

    Again, I’m so sorry.

  255. First, I am so sorry about your loss. Hugs and love to you. I’m sure I’m reiterating a lot of comments but I can’t read them since I’m sure I’ll cry, but I lost my beloved Leo two years ago and I still miss him. I so understand wanting to never get another dog, and I swore I never would because I was sure I couldn’t take the pain of another loss like that, and then I read a quote from someone (it may have been a poem) that to not get another dog is to deny (and please, this is so not a judgement, just something that helped me much later) the joy and fulfillment you had with your dog who died. I thought about this a lot and decided to volunteer in some