There should be more respect for public servants

in I am totally overrated, Random Crap, weekly reruns
Ready to feel old?  I found this in antique store yesterday:
Before Fry-Guys went extinct.
It was surrounded by a bunch of Victorian stuff, which I think was done intentionally to make me feel worse.  Then the shopkeeper saw me take a picture and told me that I should check out the antiques they had outside behind the shop.
Gone but not forgotten.

Then Victor and I were both like “MAYOR McCHEESE!” and it was kind of like when you find an old friend but he’s laying in a coffin and then someone tells you you look fat and then they stab you in the leg.  It was exactly like that.  Antique stores are assholes.

******************
And now, my weekly wrap-up of shit-I-did-when-I-wasn’t-here, although it’s kind of crazy long since I didn’t do it last week because I’m too old to remember these things, apparently.  Sorry. I’m a little bitter.
The My-God-I'm-old edition.

    This week on my sex column (which is satirical and vaguely safe for work if your boss isn’t a douche-canoe):

    This week on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle:

    This week on the internets:

    This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

    108 thoughts on “There should be more respect for public servants”

    Read comments below or add one.

    1. Oh man… I do feel old. Probably not as old as you feel since I’m younger than you, but I still feel pretty old. Then again, most things make me feel old these days. Like Dexter’s Lab being on Boomerang right after Johnny Quest. Even though I totally watched Johnny Quest as a kid too.

    2. I suppose that would have made me feel old, if my parents had ever allowed me the joy of McDonald’s as a child. But thanks for bringing THAT up.

    4. I’m a tad amused at seeing “Do not let other people own naked pictures of you” listed above “Naked pictures of me”. It’s the little things, I guess 😛

    5. I had a birthday party at McDonald’s. They took us on a tour of the kitchen. I’m pretty sure that was safe AND clean of them. BEST BIRTHDAY EVER!

    8. You had me at douche-canoe…and, does your cat usually sit on your head. At first I thought you had a buffalo head-dress on but then realized it a large cat. Nice cakes, BTW.

    9. congrats!!! That’s awesome on being Co-Number 1! 🙂

      So, if you aren’t a mom you don’t get ranked…. huh….. so kidless women don’t count….. well there’s a reason for that out of wedlock kid my mom has been afraid of for so long…. ha!

    10. At Target they have a faux vintage t-shirt with the fry guys on it. I’m pretty sure that the kids buying it have no idea who they are. It makes me want to stab THEM in the leg.

    11. I don’t feel old because I don’t know what those things are. Maybe we didn’t have them in Britain or maybe it’s because I’m younger than you. (I feel comfortable saying that because I’m on the other side of the Atlantic, and I’m pretty sure you’d consider that too far to come for a murder.)

    12. Recently my 5 year old niece was making her hamburger talk, something about giant babies destroying the city (she’s either still not off the crack or clairvoyant, it’s a toss up) . Anyway, we were all laughing when my sister said to her “Who do you think you are? Mayor McCheese?” *blink, blink* Yeah, she had no idea who Mayor McCheese, the Hamburglar or the Fry-Guys were!

      Kids these days. They think THIS >:( is a Grimace!

    16. The advice you gave to the naked pictures girl was kinda brutal. She might be traumatized. Poor soul. Now not only she knows that her boyfriend has naked pictures of her, but also, she wrote to the Mistress of All Answers (you) and the response she got was, um, less than encouraging. *Sob*

    17. yeah, i do feel old. thanks for that. brings back fond memories of playing in that contraption. i had a few of my b’day parties at mcd’s, too. the cake was always delish. i miss mayor mccheese and the hamburglar and grimace and all those zaney characters. *sniff*

    18. There’s an antique store here in Chamblee, GA that’s had one of those Mayor McCheese’s out front for years. When I win the lottery, it is absolutely going to end up on the lawn of my mansion.

    21. The most important reason to not let your boyfriend take naked pictures of you is that his next girlfriend might get them, and then use them for revenge when they break up because you and he hooked up again.

      I am not on the side of this you might think I am. Which is why this advice is serious.

      Also because unless he’s a professional, it’s not going to be flattering. At all.

    27. Those “antiques” are superb. You mean kids actually used to play at fast food restaurants? As in, engage in physical activity? “Hey, kid, here’s 5000 calories and more cholesterol than your body will be able to process in 10 years…scarf that down and then go play in our ball pit.” The real reason Play Places are so scarce nowadays is because too many kids were suffocating in the ball pit after slipping into food comas…that or they got tired of cleaning vomit out of the ball pits.

    28. Dear 18 jzimbert:

      I’m sorry. I believe you meant, “MCmansion.”

      and jenny,

      that eskimo dude made me howl/cry with laughter. i scared my dog.

    30. That burger cage is so beautiful but it’s kind of disappointing now considering that the burgers being served are much bigger. Still, that burger cage would make a great bird feeder. Do you think it would be okay to leave out burger patties for the birds though? It’s just that I don’t want the patties to get mouldy or anything because I’m pretty sure mouldy patties aren’t tasty.

    31. So I must know where this place is. My kids need to be properly educated on world history. Please tell me this is in the hill country.

    32. So, that gave me a PTSD flashback. Our McDonalds had a basement and it was creepy as hell. Imagine coming down into a hardly lit basement for what you think will be a wonderful birthday party fora friend, only to be immediately confronted with one of the above creepy images, only they were way taller than you. Thanks.

    33. I totally have pictures of me playing in that Mayor McCheese as a child. I also have a Grimace drinking glass that my brother stole. So I guess I really don’t have it. But I will.

    35. Oh my goodness! There was a playground with Mayor McCheese there on it that I spent a lot of my time on when I was five. Is it really considered an antique…?

      Then I agree. Antique stores are assholes.

    42. i too feel old now. remember the little chicken mcnugget guys? those were my favorite.

      the first thing that made me feel old was when i was only like 24 and i heard ‘livin’ on a prayer’ on the CLASSIC rock station. and then they played ‘paradise city’ and i went home and cried into my vodka and g’n’r tee shirt.

    43. Oh wow! LOVE the antique McDonald’s “gym” stuff 🙂 I think they were trying to pass it off as a gym or rides or something. NOwadays, definitely a “Kid’s Gym” you know, to counteract the cheeseburgers the kids eat 🙂

    44. True story:

      Just this week, my daughter asked who was our mayor.

      I said, “Mayor McCheese, of course.”

      This is right after I told my son that when he was born we needed to have his tail cut off.

      God, I love parenting.

    45. HA! I got stuck in one of those hamburger/jail things when I was a kid. I couldn’t get out!

    50. Reading of Mayor McCheese made me hungry. I haven’t had McDonald’s in 17 years. Now I feel old but I also want a cheeseburger…from McDonald’s. So now I’m going to have to leave my kid alone (he’s asleep, he won’t know) and go hunting all over Brooklyn for a Mickey D’s. Just don’t turn me into child services until after I have the cheeseburger, I mean, come’on, it’s been 17 fucking years people!

    53. PLEASE GOD I WANT THAT MERRY-GO-ROUND SO BADLY I WILL BITE SOMEONE’S FINGER OFF TO GET IT.

      (This is likely not a healthy response but DAMN that thing is cool.)

    54. What’s up with your boobs in your “stuff I did” picture? They look like you’re wearing some metal bra. And WHY is that cat on your head on the other picture? Please tell me you photoshopped him in! LMBO!!

    55. I’ve no idea what these things are that make you feel old. But maybe that’s because when I was a child in France we didn’t have McDonald’s yet. Does that mean that us French are even older just because we’re French? Wouldn’t surprise me. I feel old this morning. But I’ll thank you to bear in mind that you’re making some people feel even older when you post shit like that.

    57. I miss the Hamburglar. Greatest Criminal of all time! And he did all his stealing dress in prison stripes. Classic. Dead on advice yo about naked picture taking. Seriously…wtf??? I would hope she got naked pictures of his tiny weenie to reverse blackmail with…probably not…don’t ever be a foolish wench. Penguins are cool.

    60. I don’t know which is creepier, the carousel that looks like it cut off the characters’ heads and put them on My Little Pony bodies, or the cage in which you are trapped within Mayor McCheese’s skull. I’m going with the carousel, only because the burger guy’s eyes are crying.

    61. Tell me you bought those?!?!! Maybe if the store doesn’t sell them, you can get them to give them to you for free? You definitely have enough room in your new yard for a mini-carousel. IT’S NOT LIKE YOU WANT A FULL-SIZED ONE, VICTOR (Just assuming he’d be the voice of “reason”).

    63. Back before “truth in advertising” was a law, Corn Pops were called Sugar Pops. How frigging ironic is that? The Sugar Pops spokestoon, Sugar Pops Pete, drew his pistols and shot the pops with sugar through and through. He totally could have kicked the Hamburglar’s ass, but to my knowledge they never made a toy out of Pete…probably because I don’t think plastic had been invented yet.

    64. Oh my fucking God, those pictures are great. McDonald’s playground equipment was so much fun. Now that shit is so lame. I don’t know who got the idea that ball pits are fun. I jumped into one when I was 19. (I was a day-camp counselor, not a kiddie freak.) I was stuck in there for weeks and had to eat three children to stay alive. Oddly, they tasted just like McNuggets.

    65. OMG, I have a picture of me when I was little sitting in the Mayor McCheese with my legs hanging out. I was wearing these totally rockin’ pants with kites on them….oh my.

    67. When I saw that picture, I also instantly thought “Mayor McCheese”! I then realized that this was not the mayor, but was in fact the chief of police who spent most of his time chasing the Hamburglar. I had to look it up, but his name was Officer Big Mac. Amazing how the name Mayor McCheese is so ingrained in all our memories. Are those for sale and if so, do you know how much they’re selling for?

      If I had been there I would promptly get stuck trying to climb into the kids Officer Big Mac prison.

      @46 Judy Schwartz Haley : I never understood what grimace was, but I do remember that when he first came out he had four arms to better steal shakes. Looking back at the original characters, it seems the food-based characters where the upright citizens of McDonaldland (Mayor McCheese, Officer Big Mac) and everyone else were criminals trying to steal food (Evil Grimace, Hamburglar, Captain Crook, Goblins).

    69. My childhood McDonalds also had that same Mayor McCheese prison complete with a giant, shiny, solid, metal slide that was so wisely sitting in the scorching sun all damn day. Of course the adventure wasn’t complete until someone had a third degree burn on their hiney. Good times.

    70. You know what will make you feel old? Looking through your future husbands childhood photo albums and realizing that the year he was playing little league baseball you were pushing your first child out of your vagina. Beat that shit…

    71. DAMMIT. I was already thinking about McD’s for lunch, but trying to fight the urge. And now this post has screwed my resistance. Crap food it is.

    72. As a kid I refused to go to Mc D because I was terrified of the Hamburglar. I would have nightmares that I was climbing on the toys on the playground and the Hamburglar would kidnap me and lock me in a room with a one way mirror where I would be forced to watch my friends scarf down milkshakes (Shamrock Shakes!) and McNuggets, never being able to partake. Eventually I outgrew my silly fear and began to frequent Mc D again and began to overcompensate, making up for lost time without french fries and sweet & sour sauce and gained 30 lbs. Well played, Mc Donalds. Well played.

    73. Evidence I’m old – recognizing the hamburger playground ride as one of my favorites from childhood. Evidence I’m still young – I sooo want one of them in my house.

    74. You know you’re really old when you start farting dust… you should see the dust covering I have all over the place here. Oy!

    75. It could be total coincidence, but it’s kinda cool that a website (clients from hell) I linked in a recent comment I made to your blog ended up on the “shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome”. Thanks for brightening my day. After a phone call I got this morning, I needed that. 🙂

    76. That footage of the boat…ROFLMAO…Seriously…these are like the people from the Titanic! Way to assess the risk and act quickly….NOT!

    78. Whoa. It took 67 comments before someone noticed that it wasn’t Mayor McCheese. I had a Hamburglar doll, who used to say “robble robble”, so I remember Big Mac. I don’t remember when Grimace had 4 arms, though. I’m not THAT old yet.
      Also? We made our five year old watch “Supersize me” this weekend. She learned the word “penis” and then wanted to eat fast food (pizza) after the movie. I consider it a draw.

    79. oh man, now i feel really old. i remember climbing into mayor mccheese and refusing to come out… now that i’ve typed that, it sounds weird…either way, thanks for making me feel old.

    80. Wow. That is sad.

      I think the saddest part is that growing up, I never even knew there was a tree house and hamburger-head horses out back. I was always too busy fighting the kids who’d try stealing my spot on the “Happy Meal Express.”

    81. i’m looking forward to this annoying freelance gig ending soon so i can sit back and catch up on all of the shit your doing when you’re not on the internets. i’m hoping all is going well and that the demons have been exorcised from your new home.

    82. Pingback: Lamest post ever | Inane Chatter

    83. ugh. i’m old as shit too. one time i got a concussion from hitting my head on the mcburgler gym. and it doesn’t even seem that long ago. i feel like i stopped aging when i turned sixteen. and that was almost 20 years ago. oh good lord.

    84. That cheeseburger jail just brought back a traumatizing memory from my neighbor’s 6th birthday that probably would have stayed buried in my subconscious for eternity had I not seen it. Thanks for that….

      and seriously what are we 80 years old? How can those possibly belongin an antiques shop. I feel like Rip Van Winkle.

    85. Mayor McCheese makes me feel uncomfortable. It’s like that one time that I got stuck in a cheeseburger and couldn’t get out and had to eat a hole in the burger but it was stale and then I woke up.

    87. I didn’t have Macca’s (sorry, it’s what us Aussies call it) until I was 12. My parents thought it was evil. I remember the first time I had it, I threw up, lol! But now I love it.

    88. Old is when your girls graduate from the same high school you went to just a minute ago…I swear. Old is when you watch a thirty year old get botox because she has “wrinkles.” Old is when you don’t understand Justin Beiber or Taylor Swift and your eighteen year old says, “You’re just jealous.” No, really I don’t get them. This scares me more than if I was jealous of them. Old is when an antique is considered anything 25 years or older and you have a daughter who is almost an antique.

    89. Wow that is awesome. I remember playing on these in the iron fenced enclosed playground. Oh how the pictures make me feel so… old ~*sigh*~ Growing up sucks! Well kinda.

    90. Oh, how I loved McDonalds as a kid. I had all the jelly jar drinking glasses with Hamburgler and the gang. Of course now I am horrified at the thought of McDonalds and the shit they feed us. My latest blog post is about the shame of carrying a McDonalds cup into Whole Foods.

      How life has changed.

    91. on our roadie we stopped at McDonald’s for breakfast (a few times) and had a discussion about mayor mcheese. We decided one day to avenge his mistreatment and then I poured some of my smoothie on the corner for him.
      our fallen homie.

    92. WEEEE! I am so excited. I totally miss those days when life was simple, mom paid for my fast food….I got to ride for what seemed like eternity around and around on the backs of those lil fry buddies. I ALWAYS ALWAYS ALLLLWWAAYSS (major emphasis) got shocked after playing on that darn plastic though.

    93. For the first time ever Jenny I am a little dissapointed in you. How could you not buy those pieces and install them on your awesome property? Tell the snobbish they are art pieces, tell the kids if they aren’t good they go to hamburger jail. I would have booked my tickets for Texas tonight if you had bought these man.

      But I still love you for the fuck yeah diaoramas post. Fuckin a dude.

      Tanya

    94. I bet Victor was really pleased to get to pay for the MackyD’s toys AND carry them to the car. One question…how many looks did you get on the way home with Mayor McCheese strapped to the hood?

    95. I actually ahh-ed out loud at those pictures. Man, I used to wonder exactly what it would be like to be a Hamburglar, breaking into McDonalds super late at night with my minion of Fry Guys. Thanks for making me smile!
      Jess

    97. Hello, new to your blog. It came highly recommended from a friend, and I’ve found myself instantly delighted by your blog! Man, the things I would buy if I was insanely rich. If I was rolling in money and walked into that antique shop with those McDonald’s playground things, I would buy them in a heartbeat and set them up in my backyard. Looking at them instantly takes me back to when I was a little kid, excited to go eat at McDonald’s (because you know it was actually considered not evil and delicious back then) and ride the hamburger merry-go-round. Definitely gonna be sticking around to read more.

    99. Jen, I’m digging your ‘metal’ booblies! I think you look like a sexy new gf character for The Thing in a Fantastic 4 sequel.

    100. WHAT?! Those can’t be in an ANTIQUE store!! This is a world gone mad, I tell you. I loved those playground items.

      And I hate to be the asshole who corrects anyone on their old school McDonalds characters, but that isn’t Mayor McCheese, its Sheriff Big Mac. Hence the kiddie-jail. Which I loved. Also, my parent’s loved and would encourage me to go in often. True Story.

    101. Getting stuck (temporarily) in a Mayor McCheese just like that was my wake-up call that 7th grade was too old for the McDonald’s play place.

    103. ZOMG!!! I was JUST talking about those a few days ago! damn those were the days. and officially, i feel old. thanks a lot, antique shop assholes.

    104. If those are antiques, does that mean I’m an antique? I REFUSE TO BE AN ANTIQUE!!

    105. Holy shit! There used to be one of the hamburgers in my neighborhood at an apartment complex, and I always wondered what it was. I thought it was some type of abandoned McDonald’s toy from years past.

    106. Shit….when I win the lotto, because clearly someday it *will* happen even though I never buy lotto tickets, I will buy that shit. But I won’t let little kids into them because they wouldn’t appreciate them, and they like to puke in Mayor McCheese and a man with such power as mayor does not deserve to be puked on.

    107. I just have to know where the antique shop is,and the name, that has all the McDonalds playground stuff?i would love to have these items for my yard.

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