Part two: The Stanley Hotel and the reason why Ghost Hunters should hire me as a permanent member of their team. Or Destination Truth. Which one is less likely to look for giant squid? That one.

in functions I shouldn't be allowed to attend, Giant squid phobia, I'm an idiot, mixing medications, more than meets the eye, Posts that will get me hate mail, Random Crap, why yes I do know how to operate an EMF detector

This is part 2 of my ghost-hunting trip to The Stanley Hotel so you should really read part one first.  Or just go watch tv instead.  That’s probably what I would do.  (As usual, this is copied directly out of my journal so there’s no real flow and the tenses change constantly but technically that matches the theme since I once read that horror directors sometimes tilt the camera slightly so that the viewer feels uncomfortable and off-balance and I basically do the same thing except with bad grammar and dangling participles.  I’m like an artist here.)

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Our adorable tour guide (Kevin) in front of the Stanley. What's really strange is that I never saw all the ghosts in this picture until after I developed it and then digitally added them myself.

Kevin took us down to the tunnels under the hotel.  It was very tunnely.

I am the best writer ever.

The tunnels under the hotel are carved out of the mountain. This is the same place where the guys from Ghost Hunters heard a woman say "hello" except that I'm pretty sure that was a cat because I had a cat that used to say "mama" all the time and it sounded a lot like that. But she never said it in front of anyone else so no one ever believed me. She was like my own personal snuffalupagus.

This is also where I got my first ghostly shot which probably wasn’t actually a ghost at all but it felt close.  (You can see all my anomaly shots here).

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I wanted to write “REDRUM” on my bathroom mirror with lipstick but more than that I wanted to not spend my vacation time scrubbing lipstick off a mirror later, so instead I settled for recreating the creepy twin shot from The Shining, which was made easier because the hotel plays The Shining on a loop on channel 42.

Original:

That pillow is stuffed in there because the armoire door kept closing itself when we were watching tv, but in less of an eerie, haunted way and in more of a “is this hotel sinking?” sort of way.

My interpretation:

This would have been a cooler picture if they sold those twin costumes in the gift shop. Instead they sell raccoon puppets. I’m not sure the logic here but they are missing out on a growth industry.

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Found a giant Stanley Hotel dollhouse prop from The Shining miniseries in the basement.  Crawled inside.  It’s like hiding underneath the table but way better because no one accidentally kicks you.  Also you have a tiny door that you can close when you don’t want visitors.  I may never leave.

Also, if you get a dead squirrel stuck in your walls you just have to lift up the house and shake the dead squirrel out so it's already better than my real house. Needs a liquor cabinet though.

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Victor and I met up with Callea Seck, Stanley Hotel’s resident ghost-hunter and twitterer and she invited us to go on an late-night Ghost Hunt at the Stanley Hotel concert hall with Karl Pfeiffer from Ghost Hunters International and a bunch of other people.

Karl and Callea. And ghost-hunting equipment. No jumping beans though.

They let me borrow an EMF detector but it never went off.  Victor said it was probably because I shook it to death.  Victor needs to just drop it.  And to buy me some fresh jumping beans.

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Callea just explained that we’re locked into the dark concert hall until 1 am and is giving us pointers on how not to blind each other when we take photos.  Callea: “When you hear the word ‘flash!’ close your eyes until the flash is over.  That’s how you protect yourself”.  One of my friends taught me the exact same thing in New York but I think it meant something different there.

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Callea just showed us this parabolic ear thingie that you can use to listen for extremely quiet ghosts.  I totally want one for watching TV at night.  Or for listening into people’s thoughts.  Depends on how strong it is, I guess.

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We’re starting the ghost hunt in the women’s bathroom so we can check out “the haunted stall”. I am totally not shitting you. Callea notes that it’s probably pretty strange to be in the ladies room with a bunch of men.  Clearly this woman does not know me well.  She didn’t really explain what type of haunting occurred in the stall but my guess is ghost-gonorrhea on the toilet seat.  Or maybe it flushes when you aren’t done peeing yet.  Which actually happens to me all the damn time. Basically every automatic-flush toilet I’ve ever been on is haunted.  Which might explain all the kidney infections.

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Went into “Lucy’s room” to wait for the ghost to speak to us or to shut a heavy door (as she’s known to do on rare occasions).  We all sat on the floor in total darkness and had to remain quiet and the silence was so heavy that all I could think about was how funny it would be if you farted loudly because no one would know who did it and then if no one admitted to it you could be all “It was the ghost” in a completely serious way, but I totally didn’t because I respect the work of the ghost hunters and also because I didn’t have to fart.

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Callea just told us about an encounter a team of people had once had with “Lucy” when she took a liking to a male investigator who was physically touched by Lucy in an “*ahem* very friendly manner” and that it “um…made him happy, so to speak” and everyone else just sort of nodded and she kept going with her story but about 5 minutes later I was all “Hang on, I just need to clarify this…are we talking about a haunted erection?” and then Victor was all “That’s my wife, folks.  Next show’s at 11” but then the temperature suddenly dropped several degrees and then the door totally shut on its own. Which actually kind of freaked me out.  Then some blonde psychic chick said that Lucy was with us and she reached out her arms because she said she could feel some “hot balls” in the air.  Then I just never stopped giggling again.

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Went to the room of Paul (the dead handyman) and it was creepy because all the chairs were stacked up exactly like in Poltergeist but then Victor pointed out that most of the time people stack chairs like that for storage reasons and not just to let you know that you built your house over an Indian graveyard.  I’m not sure which one this was though because we turned on a spirit box and it clearly said “Paul”.  It also clearly said “tomatoes”.  I don’t know what that means.

Paul's room. The light is from a car passing outside.

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A bunch of mildly weird, vaguely creepy stuff happened at the ghost hunt but if you don’t believe in ghosts you don’t want to hear it so I’m skipping this part.  Thanks, skeptics.  You’re ruining it for everyone.

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I asked Victor to call the resident psychic to ask if she’d come do a seance in our room but she said she was booked and that we should have called earlier.  Victor says if she was a real psychic she would have already known we’d be contacting her for an appointment and that this is really all her fault.  It’s hard to argue with that kind of logic.

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2 am.  Exhausted and going to bed.  Leaving the jumping beans on the nightstand so they can wake me up if shit starts happening.

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Morning.  Nothing happened. These jumping beans are totally dead.  Probably murdered by Lord Dunraven.  I told Victor that they should let us have the room for free since we just added an actual murder to the history of the hotel.  Victor reminded me that I probably killed them myself.  I reminded Victor that I was probably possessed at the time.  I also told him not to look in my bag because I may have stolen all the coasters and stationary when I was possessed last night.

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Decided to check out the haunted closet again.  Noticed scratch marks all over the low ceiling like someone (or something) was trying to claw their way out.  Or possibly it’s from people scraping the ceiling with the iron.  I’m going with the first one though because ironing stories are almost never exciting.

Also, I found a pair of cargo shorts stuffed behind the ironing board. True story. I considered that maybe they were a gift from Lord Dunraven but they were a size 3X so more likely it was just another insult. That man is a douche.

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Just took a shower and this shampoo is not lathering.  At all. I’m assuming it must be haunted.  Or it’s lotion.  Hang on.  Yeah. It’s lotion.  So less “haunted” and more just me not reading labels closely enough.

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Just stepped out of the shower and noticed that the steamed-up bathroom mirror reflects into the bathroom door mirror and that someone had written “REDRUM” on the door mirror so that when it got steamy the word “MURDER” would show up in the first mirror.  Awesome. I think it’s probably a sign from the premature ghost of Stephen King. Victor says it’s probably a sign that the maids don’t clean the mirrors often enough.

This is a terrible picture because I had to take this with my phone since if I walked out to get my camera all the steam would dissipate. That’s how science works.

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Checking out of the hotel.  I really, really wanted to steal my room key but I didn’t because Victor wouldn’t let me but then as we were leaving the desk clerk asked if we wanted to keep our keys as souvenirs.  BEST.  HOTEL. EVER.

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Stopped for lunch on the way to the airport.  Victor ordered fish tacos.  These tacos look like vagina.

Honestly, it's like Georgia O'Keefe made these.

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Still driving to the airport.  Victor was all “Looks like someone’s about to get an ass full of lead pipe” and I was all “What the fuck?” and then he pointed to a house on the side of the road.

Well, that's...disconcerting.

And then we were home.  All things considered?  Best 24 hour vacation ever.

I miss it already.

PS.  Wanna see more pictures?  I’m uploading them today.

153 thoughts on “Part two: The Stanley Hotel and the reason why Ghost Hunters should hire me as a permanent member of their team. Or Destination Truth. Which one is less likely to look for giant squid? That one.”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Pingback: The Stanley Hotel: Totally fucking haunted. Maybe. — TheBloggess.com

  4. The redrum thing is exactly like that episode of Friends when Joey writes “Pleh” in sticks on the ground except it’s nothing like it at all.

  6. This post is one of the funniest I’ve read so far.
    Georgia O’keefe tacos and digitally added ghosts. That’s simply amazing.

  7. Um yeah, kinda upset that we didn’t get advance notice of your 24 hr vacay. i’d have totally gone up to estes park (30 min. away) to see this all go down in person! (and to meet you!!)

    shame on you jenny, SHAME.ON.YOU. and victor too for being so selfish on your vacation

    *hope you enjoyed colorado!!

  8. I was kind of expecting you to peek out of the tunnel and say “Helloooo” (or “Meoooowww”) to those ghost-hunter guys in the video. That would have been super cool.

  9. This might be the funniest fucking post I’ve ever read.

    And those tacos totally look like vaginas. Luckily I’m a vegetarian or you’d totally be ruining fish tacos for me. Or maybe if I was a lesbian you’d be making me miss my girlfriend right now. Either way, that pic is no good.

  10. I’m thinking the song “Ass Full of Lead Pipe” by the Vagina Tacos will most definitely be a one hit wonder.

  12. Eating those tacos with my husband. would make me feel like I’d just indulged in a three-way. Or maybe four-way since he’d have one too. Who knew Mexican food could be so pornish? I think Taco Bell is going to have to apply for a whole bunch of new licensing and restrict its clientele to over 18s now.

  13. 1) those tacos TOTALLY look like viaginas.
    2) i am so jealous of this trip
    3) i thought that “hello” on ghost hunters sounded like a cat too! but i reaaaaaally want it to be a ghost!
    4) my husband and i went on a ghost hunt with *THE* ghost hunters. it was a big trip with like, 5 million people (or maybe 150) and it was totally cool. for a while we hid in a corner MAKING FART NOISES trying to scare people. immature? possible. hysterical? OBVIOUSLY.

  15. Three things:

    1) “These tacos look like vaginas” is redundant. Also, reversible.

    2) This is just like the real show “Ghost Hunters” but much more silly and ridiculous so it’s more like “Paranormal State” come to think of it.

    3) *

    *Poltergeists stole my 3rd one. Bastards.

  18. I’m glad I don’t like fish because even if I could get past the euphemism-y name of “fish tacos” that picture would have ruined them forever.

  19. Ever since a kid in high-school described a vagina by calling it a “fish taco” I’ve been so disgusted by them, I won’t eat one. After looking at your photo I’m even more convinced I’ll never eat one. Yuck.

  20. After reading your vacation accounts it really makes me want to visit! I like the Ghost Hunters shows and obviously the Stanley is like Mecca for Ghost Hunters.

    With regards to the dollhouse prop you crawled under… seeing you squeezed in there brings back bad memories of my first apartment that was maybe a little bigger. Only it looks like the doll house windows actually work.

    SD
    http://simpledudecomplexworld.blogspot.com/

  21. Ok. First. Jealous.

    Second, the fish tacos? Most disgusting looking food ever. And I like fish. I can’t believe how much it looks like a straight up See You In Tea for REAL. Gross. Unless you’re into that then, I’m sure it looks delicious. But I not. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Because there’s not. It’s just not how I roll. So…. yeah.

    So The Stanley Hotel, huh? That’s FAB.

    HM

  22. Seriously, if you had like 2 pictures with weird light things I would blow it off, but 42 (or however many it really is) with wibbely lighting effects? I call ghosts. Except that one with the girl walking in the ballroom, you kinda spoiled the magic with that one by making the next picture a close up of the same girl. Just sayin’

  23. Wow. This post just makes me so sad for your disability. I mean, I knew intellecutally that not everybody could fart on demand, but hearing about the consequences just really makes it hit home, you know? Bless you, Jenny.

  25. OK, this is so weird because 1. I bought Mexican jumping beans the other day at the Oklahoma City airport, and 2. I’m going on TWO paranormal investigations of the Lemp Mansion here in St. Louis. The first is tomorrow for my anniversary, and it’s just a short tour, but we get equipment and stuff. And the second is a night with Chip Coffey (medium from Paranormal State and Psychic Kids). He’s going to do Q&A, then do readings, and then we’re going on a REAL investigation, just like you. So, thanks for stealing my blog post idea. 😉

  26. At first I was wracking my brain to think of a clever comment to impress you with my wit and insight. And then after reading it you’d realize we’re secretly best friends, only you’d never expect me to be funny again, because friends just like each other the way they are. Unless there’s terrible fashion sense involved, and then it’s completely socially acceptable to secretly film said friend and submit the video to a television show. Sure, there’s going to be massive, national public humiliation, but your friend will get $500 of free clothes in styles she doesn’t wear, so clearly it was worth it. But I look awesome, at least my mom always told me so on the first day of school when I would bust out my side ponytail and matching outfits, so it’s totally okay if you don’t own a video camera. But then I realized that all my stressing was totally in vain, as you’ve been possessed by some maggot murdering ectoplasm, and wouldn’t be able to respond anyway.

    Freaking ectoplasm always gets me down.

  27. Bloggess maybe you should be a ghost hunter. Start your own show. Episode one: What kind of fish tacos?!!?!
    Episode 2: Helping Lucy climax!

    I’d watch.

  30. I have only been reading your blog for a few months but by far these two post are the funniest things I have read. I was laughing right out loud a few times – good stuff! Love that movie!

  31. Holy Crap…are those vagina-taco-thingies stuffed with RAW fish? Blech! Well, there goes lunch. So jealous you got to sleep in that room. I love the ghost hunters. They bought a big ol’ hotel/inn and renovated it up here in NH. Most of the locals think they’re nuts, but apparently they do a booming business – especially at Halloween. BTW…is that a wee bit of “plumber crack” or perhaps an “anomaly” that I see in the tunnely shot? Just wondering

  32. My cat says “hello” when no one is around. Also, those fish tacos look like they got gonorrhea from a haunted toilet seat.

  37. I tried to get my cat to say vodka for months, and then my husband comes in and tells him to say rum. Then the jerk cat said “Rum” just to spite me. My husband, also a jerk.

  39. –>I would have loved to see the reactions of your ghost hunting group. Then again, they were lame for not wanting to get in the bathtub with you too.

  42. This made me laugh out loud a few times. Your pictures of anomalies are totally awesome. I especially like the one of the green mist on the person because it kind of looks like a face.

    Those tacos totally look like vaginas.

    I totally want/need to go there. One day. ONE DAY.

  43. :::dead:::: over the tacos. In a million years I could not eat those.

    I need to go stay at The Stanley hotel just for the BEST HOTEL PROGRAMMING ever! The Shining 24 hours a day! Love!

  44. Hey in case you didn’t know you totally captured butt crack in that tunnel picture. Unless you really didn’t and it was one of those things that showed up after you uploaded the photo. I hear ghosts like to expose people’s cracks for fun.

  45. My favorite picture is the girl’s “tunnel” while she’s looking into the tunnel… think she was going commando??

  46. We go to Colorado every year and quite often to Estes Park, which is just past the Stanley, that giant fucking cowboy on that lawn freaks me out too, it is like he is waiting for a giant senorita to bring a giant pinata for him to whack with that pole. WTF? Glad you had fun and didn’t get molested by ghosts. Maybe next time!

  47. You know, way too many of these comments start with “Holy crap” but seriously, Holy Crap! It’s spelled “snuffalupagus”? That is so not the pronunciation I’ve been using all these years. And wikipedia says he has a first name, and it’s “Aloysius”? Holy crap again! I need to go lie down.

  50. I am so jealous of your excursion. I would love to go to the Stanley. And ghost hunt. And take pictures of orbs (even though I totally believe in ghosts and totally don’t believe in orbs).

  51. seriously? the fish tacos were the scariest part of this whole experience, imho. of course, i’m not afraid of no ghosts.

    also: haunted erection? hahaha that is awesome.

    also also: i’m a hitchhiker’s guide to the galaxy nut, and OF COURSE they’d show ‘the shining’ on a loop on channel 42. where else?

  53. If my fiancé doesn’t take me on a haunted adventure like this…we’re getting divorced. (Not really.) I think your next haunted 24 hour vacation should be to Waverly Hills. Wanna double date?

  54. Had to send a screenshot of the tacos to a friend. Someone I knew, besides the dust bunnies in my office, needed to see them 🙂

  55. *gasp* I want a house like the one in the basement! Do you think if I’m really good for the rest of the year that Santa will bring me one for Christmas? Yeah, you’re right. Three months is not going to put a dent in the damage from the rest of the year.

    Did it rain while you were there? It sounds exactly like something Barnaby Jones Pickles would do

  56. The tacos are definitely the scariest part of this story!

    And my cat totally says “mama,” and says it at night when it’s dark, because he knows I’ll think it’s my daughter and come out and assess the situation. Which was creepy the first few times, before I realized it was the cat and would go into my daughter’s room and find her fast asleep after hearing “mama!”

  59. I know you spent all this time writing, photoshopping and uploading pictures of the haunted hotel and stuff, you probably would not appreciate how excited I am to see the pink taco picture…

    Sorry…

    It’s hard not to get excited by ART.

  61. I don’t eat fish. Ever. Because seafood scares me. I was all sorts of devastated when I realized Tuna Noodle Casserole has … wait for it … tuna. I was a really bright child. Straight A’s. That probably goes without saying. But seeing those tacos has made me really hungry. So what does that say about me? Other than the fact that I’m gay. I knew that already. I was thinking on more of a deeper level. Also, sorry for saying “deeper” in reference to vagina tacos. And now that I think about it, “Straight A’s” is kind of offensive. So from now I’ll say “Tranny A’s.” To be inclusive.

  63. You owe me half a can of Red Bull and a new computer screen (preferably one that’s more Red Bull-infused-saliva resistant.)

    ps. “Redrum” is my new safe word (for real this time).

  66. 1. Problem with dollhouse – liquor bottles would be too small. Beer would have to be in kegs, definitely kegs. Would be hard, as hell to manipulate the spigots so would need life-sized tweezers.

    2. You should have those ghost whispers, or cat hunters or what ever they are come to your house to find the dead Indians, or squirrel.

    3. Victor is totally right about the psychic.

    4. There is a Harvest Moon tonight. You have about 20 minutes in the Hill Country to go out and see it. Take your camera.

  68. I would go anywhere those twins wanted to take me. Which would make you the best murderous ghost twin ever! if you had a twin, I mean.

  72. Not to forget the rest of the extremely entertaining post that made me very jealous and also made me REALLY want to go to that hotel…. But those tacos are NOT RIGHT. Wow.

  73. Whenever I ask what my husband wants for dinner, I always offer “fish tacos?” Referring to my vag. I will NEVER have the desire to order fish tacos, because I always honestly it was a joke, not a real food.

    Like roast beef curtains.

  74. I want to hear about the mildly weird and vaguely creepy stuff, too. Like, did your finger start talking? Also, my condolences regarding the jumping beans — I believe they died at the sight of that little short Poltergeist lady who was probably creeping around while you were sleeping.

  76. Not to totally lack focus or anything, but I have to say your teeth look marvelously white inside the mini haunted hotel of doom. Clearly a dental hygienist died there.

  77. I love the Stanley! We only live an hour away so my parents took me and my six-year-old daughter to stay there (cause we take those kind of family vacations too…).

    We stayed in one of the famously haunted rooms. I didn’t experience anything paranormal. But my daughter swears up and down she heard the children ghosts playing. Of course, she also runs around with a pack of invisible werewolves at all times. So she may not be the most reliable source.

    Loved your post! And they totally should sell the costumes.

  79. I’ve never farted during a paranormal investigation, but stomach does growl. A lot. Which makes everyone in the room jump. I’ve nicknamed my stomach Satan, because it growls like a demon would sound. My stomach needs an exorcism. Awesome.

  80. Never commented before…but just had to say how jealous I am!! How cool that you stayed there. I saw the episode of Ghost Hunters they did there…and The Shining is one of my favorite books ever. It is now my mission to talk my husband into taking me here!!

  82. When I first heard you were going to the place that inspired The Shining, I almost didn’t read your blog, thinking I would go back to reading it after you were done with this whole “Shining” phase. I get freaked out by those kinds of movies easily–and The Shining was one that finished me on scary movies for good (for reasons I won’t go in to here, but trust me, even you might have been spooked into never watching another scary movie again). But I can’t resist your humor, so, like a dummy, I read your two-part posting on your ghost-hunting adventure. Even when I’m so scared I am not sure I can finish reading, you STILL make me laugh!
    Wow, you’re something else to try and bait a ghost into molesting you by taunting him that you’ve gone commando! Too funny! And Victor has to get some credit for joining in your shenanigans by clawing and scratching on the door when that group of people were outside your door. Admittedly, the grasping for “hot ball” is just hysterical. Then… you really grossed me out BIG TIME with those funky fish tacos!!! Man, it was going along pretty good till then. Thank, God, Victor came to the rescue to end that story on a funny note again with the best of all “Looks like someone’s about to get an ass full of lead pipe.” To which you equally funny replied, “WTF?!” So, thanks for removing some of the terror of the VT’s with a laugh!

    P.S. Please, don’t ever stop writing. Fuck world peace. We need your humor more!

  85. Wow, you are so right about those tacos! Crazy! You made me want to go visit the Stanley Hotel! I made the mistake of telling my kids “in passing” that the old downtown Houston library is haunted and of course you don’t tell kids anything like that in passing because they lock it in their brains forever. Now they want to know exactly how it’s haunted.

  86. Funny, Funny Stuff, -That’s why you love Victor- so flarfin funny, the taco’s ohlord the taco’s. I LOVE Ghost Hunters and am so very impressed that you stayed in that room with the ghosts. The bathtub pic was too perfect. All of your captions killed me. I DIE

  87. I think that giant ass cowboy may be haunted, because it one time caused 3 people in a car to scream simultaneously. True story.

    (My hubby was driving us all up to Estes, and was rubbernecking at the giant cowboy, telling us all to look at it. We were all watching the road (thankfully) because he nearly killed us all by running in to a car in front of us. We screamed like scared school girls and he was all “What? That car was like a mile away!” But it wasn’t.

  88. great job on the blood filled bathtub, or was that in the last post, i just read both at the same time when you didn’t answer me on twitter i figured you must have a bloggie about it, since you are THE bloggess…. so basically nothing creepy happened at all, except the parts that you left out because of skeptics… frankly i’m glad nothing happened, coz i don’t believe in ghosts either… and i won’t be convinced otherwise by the truth…

  89. You’re right. Those fish tacos do look like vagina. If memory serves.

    I think that unless we speak to one of Lola’s lesbian pals, the issue needs male input. Can a lass actually see down there on her own? I mean, you’re relying on a hand-mirror, or the vivid description of an interested observer, right?

    Question to Victor–did they taste like vagina?

    (Calm down. Someone had to ask. It’s the elephant in the room.)

  93. I’m really tempted to go and write REDRUM on the bathroom mirror with my lipstick now. Except I’ve got pale lip gloss which really wouldn’t work, and no one in my house has seen the Shining so they wouldn’t appreciate it. My husband just doesn’t like scary movies and he thinks the children are too young. (I don’t see why, there’s lots of children in the film, isn’t there?).

  94. I am scaring my niece and daughter, just reading your post. It’s hilarious! I have alway wanted to go to the Stanley, seems really cool, though I am on the fence about the existence of ghosts. I still watch Ghost Hunters every week.

    Also….I think just the phrase “fish tacos” is off putting.

  95. Holy mother of!! Nothing like stifled laughter coming from my cubicle at work. Totally made this day SO much better…

  96. I was pretty sure my house was haunted once because I’d get up and things had been moved and sometimes the tv would be on. But it turns out that it was less haunted and more of my kid was getting up at night after I went to sleep. Bad parenting can resemble hauntings, apparently.

  98. The name of my first (and only) memoir is His Dead Wife. Because the dead wife of a man I (still) love has followed me around since the year 2000. Before that my dead dog, last stepmother, my dad and Russian grandfather have all visited me.

    His Dead Wife is obsessed with TV’s. Even when we were together the wife would fuck with the TV’s so much that one day he turned to me and said “I know who this is.” Thinking no one could believe in this stuff more than me (they’ve been coming around me since the 80’s) I asked him who he thought was doing it and he said his late wife’s name.

    Anyone who knows me and spends time in my place eventually is privy to the activity. The internet connects on its own, the stereo turns itself on and the TV in my bedroom has turned itself on twice in the middle of the night. The first time I got up, got a hammer and went back to bed.

    Because you can kill a ghost with a hammer?

    People used to think I was making it up until they saw it. I didn’t care what they thought. Ghosts happen.

  101. Amazing!! I am still laughing out loud in my cube thinking about the farting and “hot balls” sections…I have the humor of an 8-year-old by the way. I am currently trying to convince my fiance to go to the Stanley Hotel for our Honeymoon…I’ll let you know how that turns out.

  103. Yesterday I read your part 1 and had a dream about ghosts. Had to come back for part 2 since you’re so hilarious. If I dream about fish taco vaginas I’m never visiting again. j/k love your blog.

  104. OH MY FUCKING GOD… I thought I was the only one who called my cat my snuffulufagus!

  105. Now that is a hotel I never want to go visit! I would be too much of a chicken for sure. But it would be worth it to get the fish taco vaginas though….

  106. Jenny, I LOVE your blog. You make me happy. But I have to say it again… a vagina is the inside sleeve part. The outside taco-looking part you can see is called a vulva. You are a smart girl! You can do this!

  107. rock.it.out. have you heard of cassadaga.org? florida psychic town…totally creepy.

    and those tacos? even I wouldn’t be able to eat them…

  108. I’d say the fish tacos are, by far, the scariest part of your trip. They should just issue all guests with fish tacos on entry to the hotel – money well spent in the first five seconds of arriving…

  110. I totally grew up near there. And I NEVER ONCE went inside that hotel. But I wanted to. Still do. And I walked around out front and took some notes from the pet cemetary that’s there. And that lumberjack on the side of the road is just happy to see you. He swings that axe by way of helpful greeting. I mean, I’m a chick and I might have that reaction if I knew it was Jenny The Bloggess rapidly approaching in a vehicle. The happy part, not the axe swinging part. Because that would be rude. But, it is completely appropriate to your Stanley visit. Just imagine him with no cowboy hat and some crazy eyebrows and you have Jack Nicholson busting down doors to get to a screaming Olive Oyl.

    I miss home. 🙁

  112. Lord Dunraven is quite the sanctimonious prick, isn’t he? And your picture is proof positive of my decision to never ever eat fish tacos. I’m straight, so fish tacos would be like going to a really cheap lesbian hooker. And of course the Mexican Jumping Beans died, first of all they were scared to death by the ghosts that only tormented them and not you, apparently; but also, they were made in Mexico. DUH, to get the good Mexican Jumping Beans you have to buy the ones from China. I thought everyone knew that.

  113. That picture of Paul’s room? I don’t think those were car lights at all. I think they were lights from the alien spaceship that’s obviously parked outside. Because if you look you can clearly see the shadow of the alien peeking in through the window. I think that kind of alien is called a “Gray.”

    If you had gone to Roswell on your way home from Colorado you’d totally know these things.

  119. I love you for your use of “haunted stall” and “I’m not shitting you” in the same sentence. It is almost like you planned it.

  120. I read this and went looking for our The Shining DVD and I couldn’t find it and OH GOD GOHSTS STOLE MY SHINING DVD.

    And then I realised I was confusing “The Shining” with “Shine”(which we totally own) and that I haven’t watched either of those. I feel stupid.

  121. Jenny!!!! Why didn’t you call!!!!????
    I live in Golden, just did a weekend with my girlfriends to The Stanley!!! WE GOT THE ROOM!!! THE STEPHEN KING ROOM!!!……… And nothing happened! Mrs., Wilson didn’t do shit!!!!
    We did let every tour come in our room to take pictures!
    Oh and Madame Vera was great!! Sorry you didn’t get to meet her.
    One added note, we had a Henna Party the night before we went to Estes. We did all the cool Henna, India stuff on our feet, hands and backs. My dear friend Jen, aka Horse did REDRUM up her arm….. I think that help us get room 217!!

  122. I was itching to do something for my 20th wedding anniversary next month but clueless what to do that would be non-traditional enough for my taste. Now we’re heading to the Stanley for some haunted Shining bliss. Also? You’re the wind beneath my wings. And sorry about your dog.

  124. I live in Ensenada, Baja California, México; home of the Fish Taco, and let me tell you. THOSE are not fish taco in your picture. I am sorry for that. Someone had to tell you.

  125. “One of my friends taught me the exact same thing in New York but I think it meant something different there.” I snarfed oatmeal. Ouch.

    ” Basically every automatic-flush toilet I’ve ever been on is haunted. ” Funny, autoflush toilets and auto-water sinks don’t recognize me as human and often make me feel like I’m the one doing the haunting.

  126. I am intrigued about the size 3x cargo shorts… why would somebody stash them behind the ironing board and not go back for them?

    I don’t know… *I* wouldn’t do that… but I am not a size 3x… maybe 3x people are just very blasé about their clothes and can just afford to just leave some behind (I own three pairs of shorts and I need them all… you won’t be finding my size 8 shorts stashed behind an ironing board I tell you… )

    okay, okay… size 10 then…

    sounds like a fun little vacation!

  127. I Freaking love this place!! Great pictures…Please don’t try to murder Victor with an ax…hugs and kisses 🙂

  129. First, I hope you or Victor didn’t eat those disgusting tacos. They may be fine as vulvas, but they are gross as food.

    Second, you totally need to learn to fart on demand. That would have made the ghost hunting so much more meaningful and there are lots of other times when you can use that skill – in a crowded elevator, church, etc.

    P.S. I followed the link to the previous post to read about the mens room party, and I wanted to compliment you on your NEW confidence wig from BlogHer 2010. It’s MUCH better than the 2008 version.

  130. I really wish I had consulted with you before I stopped in at the Stanley last year. I crashed a wedding. Because I like to pretend that I’m a hired guest (by the Bride’s mother) to make sure that everyone is having a really good time. (True story…we all know I’m nuts).

    I stopped because I knew it was the hotel where the Shining was filmed and wanted to find the twins, then stumbled into the wedding, so decided I had to crash that, then, well, I found myself in the empty ballroom and the piano started playing. All by itself! I thought it was perhaps just some sort of “rigged” thing to make all the guests believe the place was haunted. Because, you know, I didn’t “feel” any ghost energy in the room and we all know I would, right? Totally, I would. A naked girl would know if there was a ghost!

    So the piano played. On its own. I made sure everyone at the wedding had a fabulous time even though I wasn’t supposed to be there and then I got back in my car and kept driving. Because, you know, that’s how I roll. But if I had asked you first, well, maybe I might have asked that ghost for his name and a dance, as well!

  132. Pingback: The ‘How many different words can I use for pants?’ Edition « All Hail the Jinna!

  133. At first I thought your taco caption read “It’s like Georgia O’Keefe” and I was going to ask how you know what Georgia’s vulva looked like and which one was Georgia’s but then my brain caught up with my eyes and I didn’t ask. I think if your vulva has crunchy parts, that’s not a good sign. Speaking of which, if you have a very neatly printed printed sign that just says “BAD”, what kind of sign is that?

  135. I THOUGHT fish tacos were a bad idea… Now I KNOW they are!

    And I would so LOVE to go to the Stanley Hotel except… I’m afraid Jack Nicholson will show up and chop down a door… his eyebrows are just too scary for words!

    I think I’ll see if Jason and Grant are taking reservations for the haunted hotel they bought in New Hampshire or Rhode Island or somewhere with lots of cold and snow and old haunted buildings… couldn’t someone buy one in a warm place like Louisiana?? Oh yeah, the Myrtles is there and they gots them that VooDoo Queen … never mind, I’ll stick with Jay and Grants ghosts.

  141. I was definitely reading this while my sister’s watching One Tree Hill, and kept randomly breaking out in the giggles. She was giving me the WTH eyes, and when I’d tell her she’s just rolls those WTH eyes and go back to One Tree Hill. Mind you she’s watching the original season…whatev. Im going to give her the wtf eyes, now.

  142. I was laughing so hard that when the secretary came in to go over some work with me I kept exploding into giggles (even though I’d shut the blog off when she walked in) and I had to actually leave the room and get some water to bring myself back under control. Thanks for getting me into trouble.

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  144. Reminds me of the t-shirt I saw once that said ‘If God didn’t want us to eat pussy, then why did He make it look like a taco?’

  145. I live in CO, and we go to the Stanley Hotel all the time.
    Because my grandpa has certain *ahem* connections, he’s friends with the resident psychic for God knows what reason. Her name is Vera and she’s very nice. She’s also very accurate. If by alcohol poisoning she meant the flu. Which she definitely might have. I’m hoping she was just sleep-deprived. The jingley bells on her sarong must keep her up at night.

  146. Hi Jenny, I was introduced to your blog by a friend and the ever-popular Beyonce posting. I’m currently on page 42 of your blog; Yep, I started from the most recent, and I just can’t get enough of your awesomeness. I am from Colorado, and am gearing up for my first trip to the Stanley! There’s a ghost hunt in April, and I would LOVE to meet you there. Perhaps you can persuade Victor to take another trip…

  147. I Google-Imaged “Giant Squid” (natural curiosity) and the image of the creepy-ass girls from The Shining on THIS blog post showed up. How did it know that I read this blog? Google is a stalker.

  149. Was googling haunted hotel rooms because I’ve always wanted to stay in one…and came across this! Cracked me up so much!! Thank you for sharing! You are hilarious. 🙂

  150. I am SO EXCITED that you got to go to the Stanley! I went last February, met Karl and Callea with a bunch of other investigators. It was thrilling, and I admire your balls for getting into that tub.

    I want to go back. Meet me there? 🙂

  151. True Story. So my husband I do what we call Road Trips to Hell where we go and stay at all haunted hotels. We’ve stayed at some of the most famous like Crescent in Eureka Springs, Mission in Cali. etc. So we were driving to Colorado because I had an appointment with a neurosurgeon to possibly fix this condition I have and which I’ve already had one brain surgery for a while back with no results. So we stop at the Stanley, take the ghost tour, stay in a haunted room and book an appointment with the “psychic” who is by far the biggest cold reading fake I’ve ever met in my life. So me and my hubs are sitting there looking perfectly happy and normal thirty something (really you can’t tell there’s anything wrong with my brain at all until you like.. speak to me for an hour). And she asks if there’s anything specific we want to know and I’m like “Yeah I might be getting some important news in the next week and I am just wondering how it’s going to go” and she gives me this total fake “oh I see rainbows and kittens and happy bullshit galore” and she asks, after this spiel “Does this sound right?” And I’m all like no, if it’s good news I am having brain surgery if it’s bad I am basically fucked and she’s all like “oh uh…uhm, it’s going to be so successful! Uh.. yeah!” Totally didn’t get the brain surgery either. Cold reading at its worst.

  152. I cannot begin to tell you how much I enjoyed reading this. Experiencing the Stanley Hotel haunting experience through your eyes was so damn entertaining, I almost pissed myself. You are a riot. I stumbled onto this site by accident. I am hoping to read more of your stuff soon.

  153. Good grief, that giant guy in the second picture from the bottom is a Muffler Man! Who on earth has one of those in their yard?

    You need one of those! Victor will argue, but seriously, you really, really need that. They probably come up for sale now and then, though how you’d get it moved is a question…..

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